HAS BEEN HARD TO GET, BUT I WANNA GET MYSELF GOING.

Just got back from a trip outta state to visit family, things have been weird since unemployment, but I'm figuring things out about myself which is neat. To all the new watchers, holy crap thank you so much! Sorry it's been a little slow going for now, but it'll rev up -- this is what I want to do.

So I'm'a go do it! Hope all's well with you, EAT SOME ICE CREAM I LOVE YOU owo

Wanted a clean slate, so all my old work is in the scraps! Here's to replacing it with more stuff!

ADVENTURE DOG.

Life has been pure insanity for me the past couple months, an' all the while I've had one eye on Califur as it was coming up. For those of ya who don't know me personally, it's kinda tough for me in stupid ways for me to just go do some things that I just wanna do. I mean, I've been a furry since I was, like, 10? Maybe a little older? And this is my first convention. Because of aforementioned insanity I was too busy an' too exhausted to make it out for more than one day, but that one day was amazing. Up close and in person the fandom is just as fantastic as it has been for me online. Generally I have some little thought-critters nibbling on my brain and telling me I'm weird an' sorta an outsider in most social settings, but that completely went away at the convention. I didn't /exactly/ express myself as much as I coulda, but just being there was a victory -- an' I know the more I go to cons the more comfy I'll feel just bein' myself there.

BUT HOLY COW. INSPIRATION. I know this sounds kinda silly, like, I have a job animating for a good studio, kinda exactly what I was dreaming I would be doing when I first entered college, but being at the convention made me realize how important the fandom is to me, and makes me wanna redouble my efforts to see if I can't maaaybe, poooossibly, start towards supporting myself from within the furry community. There's something really lulzy about the idea of being a professional furry in my head, not in a bad way, in fact, in sorta a magical way. I can't think of a more fun way to live life at the moment, so I'm gonna shoot for it. Why not? Don't get me wrong, I'm not quitting my day job or anything, but it was just a little bit of a kick in the motivation. Hopefully some good things come from it.

Thanks to everyone who went to Califur to making it awesome, Can't wait for next year! <3

As opposed to emotions gumming up my art-works, they kick my writing into overdrive, so I'm gonna try not to rant. Just for reader reference, I feel like every letter I type is setting another nerve on edge. Shaky hands. Uhm.

So first thing's first, a goal: communicate. I'll completely un-humbly say that my brain is good for a lot of things, but it's hardwired against sharing myself with people. Ironically, that's pretty much the number one thing I want in life. I love my opinions and my perspective on life, but I'm always terrified of sharing them because my brain doesn't know the difference between someone disliking me and a hazard to my mortality. My ultimate goal in life is to relate to people -- hopefully through art, but however I can. To do that I need to be honest an' open about myself, else it's an impossible task by definition.

I've had goals of opening up to the "real world," the local world, but since I've left college I've stalled in them, usually too scared to act on 'em for no real good reason. But then it dawned on me that my Online presence is a perfect place for me to experiment with identity. Most of its denizens have no presumptions about me, no expectations to really live up to. A huge plus, too, is that if anyone is ever upset by my being I have a far better chance of conveying my perspective accurately through measured words in text responses than as a mumbly ball of nerves in person.

Anyways, to the point -- which you've probably guessed based on the title of today's entries, I'd like to formally and awkwardly request that I'm referred to with the she/her/hers pronouns. Wow my heart sure is loud. Yeah. Biologically I'm male, I'm not gonna pretend like that isn't true, but I definitely fall somewhere in the broad transgender umbrella. I'm still not sure to what extent or what that even means from an objective viewpoint, but I do know that when a videogame asks me to choose male or female, I usually lean lady-ways.

What's this mean for me? Another question I really don't have an answer to. Frankly, sexuality and gender are two of my favorite things in the world and I'd love if I could feel less self-conscious when I included these themes in my work, I'd love to make art that contributes to the culture and discussion of stuff like that. But if all of this is turning you off, don't worry, I still also like everything else in life. Particularly actiony-adventury-scifi-fantasy-romance-slice-of-life goodness. You know the kind.

So that's that. If you refer to either me or Riley the character I use to represent me, please use she/her/hers. I'm not the kind to get angry at people, I'm not gonna bite your head off if you don't. I probably don't even have the guts to correct you. Just know that every time you throw one of those little words my way you release a little butterfly of acceptance in my tummy. FEELS GOOD MAN. An' if you're curious and wanna talk about any of this, or me, or have any questions, by all means I welcome interactivity -- Just good luck gettin' me to shut up. <3

If you read any of this, you have my sincerest gratitude. Let's keep makin' cool things for the world~!

So I'm just gonna say I'M BACK. Let's see if I can make it for good this time. <3

Love all of you!

ALRIGHT IT'S BEEN A WHILE. But I'm back, baby. And the reason for this start-and-stop in my life?

I GOT A JOB!

Like, an honest to goodness I'm-doing-animation-to-feed-and-house-myself job. For now I'd like to not say too much about it, more because I'd rather not forcibly associate my accounts and stuff with them than for any sorta personal reservations I have (as if I'm important enough for said association to matter at all, but still). But it's TV animation, and it's a show that I think is gonna be a lot of fun for me to work on. I know I'm being such a tease and I'm sorry fer that but as of now that's what I feel comfy sharing.

Anyways, it was a pretty short notice offer, so the past three or four weeks have just been me trying to find housing and pack up my life so I could become a permanent California resident. All that's basically' outta the way now, just a few loose ends to tie up, an' now I just have one more day of emotionally exploding inside myself until I go to my first day on the job on Monday. Life's mine to live now, my choices, my responsibilities, all that jazz -- adapting has been crazy and I'm super excited and terrified and disbelieving and happy all at the same time. I really didn't expect that I'd be back here so soon after school ended, I thought I'd hafta be job hunting for a solid year. I'm so grateful for everything right now.

Aaanyways, so what now? Before I mentioned I wanted to be predominantly a 3D artist; CG's definitely not out the window, but I realize one of my huge motivations for that was I didn't think I was gonna find a job with my current skill set very easily. I do wanna learn 3D, modelling, rigging, materials, animating, lighting, everything. But I'm gonna just take it slow and do what I feel like now that I know I can support myself (for now, at least)!

And something else! I really want to actually start telling stories with my work. There's a lot of reasons why I've never finished a comic or a personal animation, but I'm sayin' here an' now that I'm done with all those reasons. I'm just gonna make what's fun and let things flow. I just finished the first strip of a comic I wanna make, basically just a silly journal of mine.

AND ONE MORE THING. I wanna be more social in the fandom. I can sorta have money now, which means maybe I can sorta go to some conventions or something. Furries is so fun for me guys, let's be animal friends.

This is already crazy long. Life is crazy. I think this is everything though. Lookin' forward to the future!

BEEN GONE AAA BUT I NEEDA SPEND TIME SORTING OUT A SORTA BIG SORT OF POSSIBILITY.

IT'S SORTA MORE THAN JUST A POSSIBILITY BUT I DON'T WANNA BANK ON IT BECAUSE IT SEEMS SORTA TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

SORTA.

VARYING DEGREES OF DETAILS LATER.

I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR A LONG TIME. This time I'm back for good baby. I'm done with school forever, looking for a job [nervewracking], and all the while I'm gonna be doing art like crazy, all kinds of art.

I'm bad at journals yo, here's some stuff that I wanna mention. I wanna start being a more involved member of the furry community, I wanna get into CG art, animation, and games, and holy cow I'm so excited for life and everything. I have a film I finished for my senior year as an animation major that I eventually wanna put online, but I gotta fix some things on it first.

yeah.

YHEAH. GOSH LET'S LIVE LIFE GUYS!