Turns out that I have enteritis, or in simpler terms inflammation of the small intestine. I have to see a specialist and probably get scoped to find out what caused it and to check for things like crone's disease. Right now I'm on so e nasty antibiotics just to make sure there is no infection lurking that didn't show in the labs. Anyway....bleh. I have been off work for 4 weeks or more because of this. I've had diarrhea for 4 weeks almost. I might be a little slow to update content and if any of you are able to donate I would appreciate it cuz it would help cover bills while I'm not working. After all I do provide a lot of content for free and I would appreciate the help and return. I know other people are in similar situations so I don't expect everyone to be able to help if those that can it would be nice if you could I would greatly appreciate it and thank you.

Rant and maybe a bit tmi......




I been sick for a little over 2 weeks now, Went to the ER once to be told they have no clue what is wrong...waited about 2 weeks (not quite) and went back this time to urgent care. They did more blood work, and took more sample and retested me for everything like c-diff and such. All that came back clean. The also took x-rays of my guts this time too....said even those looked normal, but they knew from my sample i was having issues, so that doctor think i may have a stomach virus that is just lingering longer than normal, or that i ma have a new food allergy....either way after 2 weeks of diarrhea......I'm not feeling great. It better than it was by far, but still been an issue. I'm staying hydrated, but not eating much. maybe once a day lately. If i eat more i feel nauseous and bloated....I am losing a bit of weight. I have lost maybe 15 pounds......Been unable to work too so I have no money atm, esp after closing on my new home right when this hit me......just damn it is all I can say.......anyway....thus is life I guess?

So I am in Fort Walton Beach Florida at a condominium and was hoping to film for you all but it turns out some of the medications I'm on make me more sensitive to the sun and I found that out the hard way. I'm currently laying in the bed with second-degree burns on my legs blisters and all. Don't even begin to describe how bummed out I am and spent most of this trip in pain and haven't really gotten enjoy it much. Sad thing is I have no idea when the next time I'll be down here will be. It's been 3 years from the last time to this one.... Anyway and wants my legs yellow I'll try to come up with some content it just won't be as nice as what I was going to film down here. Some people told me I should have come to the hospital for my legs but I refuse to right now because I hate being alone and a lot of the hospitals won't allow visitors with you so I'm just going to try and heal this on my own. I'm not going to post the photos cuz I don't want to gross people out but they're bad enough that I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to be able to help drive home in the morning. I tell you this last month or so has been nothing but problem after problem and more
depression...

My mate of almost 10 year (would be in July) just left me tonight....I sorta saw it coming....my depressing and anger has gotten to the point its intolerable by most....and it just got to be to much for him....I kept praying and hoping i could still salvage this...but i guess I failed... He says mostly he need a break...just to live his life and see how he manages on his own...but.....in the end, I see next to no hope now.... I think he plans to move in with his friend soon....so yea.... I guess thats it..... I'm devastated....I despise every once of my being at the moment. I wish I could undo every mistake....but I cant. Hell, i cant even let go of my past...I let it haunt me daily....if i could move on and leave the past behind me...this wouldn't have happened.....this IS my fault... I CAUSED THIS.....I was angry...hateful, and bitter...for the last few years.....if i wasn't that i was so depressed i wouldn't even leave the bed without being forced pretty much.....eventually i got so bad he just could take it anymore.....and now that im tryign to improve and do better it was just to little to late.....


if im not on....well....this is why....im just gonna have to be alone now....i guess.

If I suspect anyone is underage, or if their profile shows they are, I will be blocking them. My Page is mostly adult content anymore so this is a necessity. If this upsets anyone, well to bad. I have noticed a couple new watchers that either have no posted age, or the posted age shows them under 18. There are laws about this, and I will block those I find that are under age. Also if that age on their profile is somehow suddenly changed (cause I know it can be) I will ask for some sort of proof of age. TBH I think FA's staff should be doing this, as most of FA is adult content, but I guess they don't really care so I guess its on us to have to it ourselves.
Again if this angers anyone, well I guess I am sorry, but COMMON SENSE..... Also I am in the US, and i know laws might differ elsewhere, but I must comply to the laws where I live. Sorry to be blunt and a bit hateful, but since FA can't seem to regulate things, and also people just can't regulate themselves...I have to do this. Thanks for understanding.

WARNING.....GRAPHIC.....




So I was on SL just chatting away wile sitting in bed ....
Then I heard a moderately loud bang from out side.
I stop for a sec and thing...shit ppl breaking into cars again (had it happen before and some car window break with a bang or pop like that....been around enough to know from some) so I grab my revolver (in case ppl still there and get hostile) and run out to check the cars.....I see no one. I start checking cars..
My mate steps on out on the porch as I am about done checking cars. I tell him i guess everything is fine, cars seem ok, dunno what the sound was (mind you my street is not well lit even with the street lamp in our cul-de-sac) That when I hear someone yell.
I hear "Neighbor, Neighbor! I been shot" I start looking around and yell back concerned, "Shot?! W...Was it an accident?" (it sorta sounded like he was yelling from in his house at first cause it was muffled, and i am fairly certain he has guns as well, and ya know..things happen...) He Yells back and I can tell he was having trouble this time. "No! I was arguing with someone...they shot me and drove off." I ran and put my cun on my truck bumper and then ran to his house looking for him, then i saw him in his yard face in the grass on his side after his driveway light kicked on. His truck still blocked some light....so I could see blood and him, but not how bad it was. I ask where he was shot. He tell me his stomach. I say ok I'll get help. My mate was already getting his phone but I hear the police coming as i head to my house.... so he had to have called for himself....and he was clutching his phone and his stomach....likely 911 was still on the line and head us talking even...dunno...I run back to him just as the cops are about to turn on the street. Then I run to the road and wave and pint to him and when they get out i tell them where he was shot and he needs help bad and they get to him fast..... I tell them im getting my shoes on and be back for statement if need be...and i go in and put up my revolver and get my shoes on, and tell my family what was going on, and they come out too, and my pa goes to talk to the next door neighbor who was outside by this point....police final walk up and I say I'm the one that found him then basically say what i said here, and even said the shot wasn't all that loud to me, thus why I though broken widow or vandalism maybe....so being a person that goes to the range a lot, I even said my tiny .22 is a lot louder to me that what I heard...so I THINK it was muffled by something....or maybe.....point blank.....
cope just looked at me and said...well to be honest.....it was point blank....and went clear through... And he told me that in most cases that is actually better as it tends to do less damage than if it bounced around internally (and that is kinda true)....so he took my contact info and left and they went about thier scene investigation for a bit.
My dad walked to the end of the street and told another neighbor what happened, cause he is the other ones good friend. I remember our next door neighbor has security cams and while maybe a long shot...but they MAY have seen part of what happened or at least the vehicle as it left. so my dad when and told the officers that and that he would ask them in the morning if they may have caught it on cam. The police thanked him and said they might even stop and ask them tonight. and withing about and hour they took the tape down and were gone.....so I guess they found out what they needed to...I hope so.... I like the old biker and I want him to live.....he has bad heart issues tho so it scares me... I like him...he loaned me tools a lot, help me fix my bike a couple times....helped my dad a few times...dad helped him some too....just a really cool guy that has been through hell....and tonight was no better.....
Dunno why I'm venting about it here....I just can't get the image of him laying there out of my head....

I later went for some coffee and a burger and when i came back with my food I saw the blood on the grass as my headlights hit it as I circled the cul-de-sac to park....just....horrid.....that will likely be there a while....and just a terrible reminder of tonight..... This was a living nightmare tbh....

You see this shit on TV and its bad enough..then in person....AND someone you know.....it just....awful......like.....i can't even describe it...just uggggghhhhh......
this happened a little after 11pm i think....i dunno its all a damn blur now......its 5:37am now tho....and i still feel just and shitty as when i first heard his voice and then saw him there.....just fuck...
that's all i can really say...is fuck.........and maybe WHAT THE FUCK.....just too damn surreal feeling.....

I hope he pulls through...I keep worrying about him....just constantly... and this part....maybe a bit selfish....but I don't want my last memory of my good neighbor...being him...laying there.....just bleeding all over.... just...ugghhh....I want to see him again...letting his little wiener dog out at night to pee...and omg...that poor dog has to be freaking out in that house alone.....poor pup.....

I wish i had been more help, maybe been outside sooner and been able to see the vehicle leave.....something...anything.....fuck this is a terrible feeling....

Anyway I know this is a long read....sorry...i just need to put it out there....yes I talked to some friends....even a group therapy chat on SecondLife. Its helping some...but needless to say if I'm not very talkative in notes or on my discord for a few days....you know why....just depends on how i feel...right now i kinda want to be left alone.... there are very specific friends I may talk to...if they are not busy IRL....but even then I dunno atm.
Emotionally i feel like shit....but also numb.....

My mental health has been failing me lately. Dysphoria has always been a huge issue for me but lately its been worse than normal.....i honestly don't have the faintest idea why. Yes, the "social distancing" BS has been stressing me out.....places closed, no place to get always from ppl i cant tolerate for more than a few minutes each day (family....yes i love them...but they make life a living hell most times with their hoarding and slob life......) There is so little to do the keep busy. I'm on Second Life daily just to try and be distracted. I fear more of what this distancing stuff is doing more than the stupid virus. Suicide rates are climbing, those considering suicide have increased (seeing it a TON more in the mental heath groups I am in already)....Many i know are losing jobs and despite gov requests not to....they are still being threatened with foreclosure or evictions....People are stealing more around my area...and stupids crap none the less....its rediculas... All this going on and I still am more dysphoric as ever...you would think it would be the last thing on my mind...no....its more so now to the point i have dreams of just taking my on hands off and urges to smash mirror with a baseball bat when i look into them....this is the worst i been mentally in years....and even my mental health groups are failing me and I'm failing them cause they are to busy trying to reduce these suicide threats and attempts...and with me feeling similarly im not able to mentor or help either......im also in some of the worst physical pain lately too. My neck and back and right should have been horrid for weeks....to the point in having trouble sleeping as well. Likely having to rely on meds to sleep well at all today. on that note I'm heading to bed to try and rest. Hope you all are doing better than myself and many others.....and after reading this back it seems like rambling babble.....probably makes no sense....meh whatever.....

*Partial Rant*

All the stay at home orders (I'm live in a place with one as of last night) and lock-downs are stressing me out to no end. Oh and that if they do hand out the stimulus check they are talking about here in the US...I wont get one cause I haven't made enough to file taxes since 2012, and my mate forgot to claim me as a dependent this year (which also screwed us on our return) I'll just be glad when this crap ends so I can find work without worrying as much about my health problems putting me at more risk. That said living in a tiny room in a house of hoarders for who knows how much longer is also doing horrid things to my mental health....to the point I'm not stable. I want to make more content, but currently have no idea when i will be able to, or if i even have a place to do so right now. I hope this all ends soon.....I cant even get the damn cancer screenings done....... At least I can still walk and also go fishing for free for a while.

Well I am now 34. As of a few minutes ago. So yea there is that. Hehe. I'm the age my uncle was when he died in a car accident back in 1997. Its a weird feeling.....

That aside I just got home from Furry Fiesta and visiting mates. Money was tight but i had fun and a wonderful time with my mates and some long time friends. Esp one friend in particular that due to his fame/career and such, hasn't had much time to just sit and relax, and on Sunday that is exactly what we did, just sat and talked. That was really nice, and much needed for us both. Life just has a way of happening to fast at times.

There is the fact that i still need to get in for a few exams, one major one being a breast exam. Just gotta find out when i can get in and what it will cost me. tats gonna be rough....esp if...well.....lets just say I'm worried about a breakup atm, and I'm hoping to repair the damage my depression and anger has done....so we don't break up after more than 8 years.... and no its not their fault its me with the problem....

I did film a little something for you all while at TFF, hope to upload it soon. Thanks again for sticking around with me. Ya'll are good peeps. <3

I have a lot of concerns health wise at the moment. I wont go into to much detail yet till i have the tests done and know more, but needless to say I need a mammogram soon. I will also be having a test for fibromyalgia. Fun stuff... Also this is my first post really since the site update. Still not sure if i care for it but whatever. LOL The darker background is easier on my eyes, the format of user pages kinda looks bleh. Guess we have to live with it though.

Anyway all these health issues have me stressed to no end. They are also bleeding us dry mentally, physically, and financially atm. And if the mammogram turns out to show my worst fear.....i know i wont be able to pay for the treatment so...um yea... I'm praying its nothing bad.

Cheers...

Yea I know it is a bit late, still sick, going on 3 weeks with this sinus crud now..... Anyways Hope its gone soon cause Sunday night will be the 3 week mark.

That aside I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, and am sorry to say that I haven't had the chance to make any holiday content for you all. been to sick most of the time to even wanna get out of bed really, and when i did I was doing Christmas things with mates family. If you still want some holiday content I can try for some this weekend if the weather and my health allow, otherwise Im really sorry for not having any for you all. Anyway I hope all yours were the best they could be. Mine was laying in bed al day bored today. LOL Cheers!

Sorry I am a bit slow updating after MFF as I caught the crud. I have a cold. Doing ok just tired from it and the meds. But no worries I have stuff to edit and post soon. *Hugs*

That's right. I'm loading up and heading out today for MFF. I gotta meet a couple of friends who are going with us. Then it's 10hrs to the hotel roughly. Hope to have content for you after the con. For those going I hope to catch ya there. Cheers!

Been adding a few things i been wanting to for a while, but lost the files too as I find them. Glad to have found a good bit of what I thought was gone. ^.^

Also planning to film at MFF and get some new stuff ready for you all. Also I have a zip all all the actual Funtime photoshoots so far (along with a few extra finds here and there) that is available with all the currently uploaded videos. They are available on request. I just ask for a small donation to help out, if you want the full collection. It helps buy more gear, and cover suit repairs, and help a bit with covering for special venues (hotels, events, scenery etc) to keep things interesting. Sadly I lost one of my filing locations in October as it finally sold at action after probate allowed us to....so no more late grandfathers home....so in the meantime i will be relying a lot on the event I attend for new content when able till we can settle on a house in our budget that isn't bad, but that wont be for a while as we are waiting on the check from the estate sell and courts to help with our down payment..... Lots going on though, so stay tuned. <3 Miss ya'll! And for those going to MFF, hope to see ya there! Look for me! ^.^

Sorry I been busy with IRL (prepping for MFF, where i plan to film for you guys) As well as getting holiday stuff done and what not, then My cousin got married last night, so went to that. Been busy.

That said, I hope to have a few things for you in the next week or 2 (likely after MFF, but I may have on change at some holiday pics this week before i leave (if weather holds out or it)

That said I'm also curious if anyone would be interested in buying a full collection of all my videos and some of the photos collections at a set? If so It would be about $15 for the full collection thus far.

I also hope you all had a great Thanksgiving weekend and had plenty of fun and great food.

^.^ Will post again soon!

I have been extremely down lately to the point of just wanting to give up. I'm tired of the stress. Tired of struggling through life health wise and financially. I am tired of the severe crippling dysphoria....and I'm tired if my life having no meaning. I'm lost. I dunno where to go anymore. I'm to the point of just saying I'm done....

I have noticed that most people only want my stuff for free. Is this really the case? If so it may change my plans for the future. This isn't meant to be bad and I'm not upset, but honest curiosity. I will say it does cost me a fair bit to keep making this content, so thus why the answer may affect things in the future. Thanks for the input ^.^

It seems someone has decided to post one of my videos to pornhub without my consent,and while yes they did credit me they didn't have my permission. I am looking into having it taken down. That said I'm not happy about this at all, and may not make full the videos available for a while. I'm sorry to be this way, but seeing that I am trying to set up a new shop....I can't be having this happen.


https://www.pornhub.com/view_video......h5d5935e72c909

I been having bad stomach pain and other digestive problems all week. So...
I had a CT scan today at the ER. I have a rare condition where the fatty tissue of the intestines gets inflamed by either a torsion or something like that. Anyway... no surgery....just bad pain and time for it to resolve itself basically

It's called Epiploic Appendagitis

Also furring the scan my IV came loose twice and gushed saline then dye all over my arm and the bed....scared the shit out of me to be honest. I hate IVs as it is...then that crappy happened.... nope. They had to fix my IV in the CT scan room and it was hurting me so bad I dug my.nails into the bed frame and left scratches into it....not had a good week....looks like I'm gonna be hurting for a good while....they say it varies on when it goes away...


Really starting to dislike my life...

So I know it has been a little while since I made a big photo shoot or video. I jad planned something fun for one at Anthrocon but after I was caught in the panic from the nearby shooting on the 4th there [2 local teens there were shot sadly....] It was hard to get in the mood. When I did get around to it one ofnl our room mates ignored us completely and came in being loud and in the way so i gave up... That said...is there anything unique you would like to see? I want to do something fun and special for you all. Also would ppl be interested in dvds or downloads of the full videos? If so I can try to figure something out for you all on that as well. Feel free to comment. If your shy about ideas being read drop me a note. ^.^ Lotta hugs and loves to ya all!

No worries, I still have a few things i need to finish and upload soon. But atm I have some big decisions to make. As my closest friends know I have sever dysphoria, specifically involving my body and even what species I am. This is the cause of my extreme depression and mental issues among many other problems I have. To give some basic idea of how bad it gets...my mates sometimes have to force me to even so much as eat or get out of bed at all for any reason. That said....I was presented a few options....one of which would basically fix many of the issues I have and pretty much give me the body I desire.....Great right? Fantastic news! But.....there is always the catch....yea...this one ain't a pretty one either....AT LEAST 3 years of SEVERE pain and major reconstructive surgeries and therapies.....and recovery time...relearning to do things again....and I'm being mildly descriptive here....I found a few people that would do it, but only with enough medical reason, which which my history of...mental anguish from the dysphoria (in kind words) a couple have already greed as they feel I have little to lose as this point. i dunno what to do for sure....should I go through with it (wouldn't be for a few years if i do do this as I have to lose weight, save up, move, find ppl to take care of me durring those 3 years etc) SO I dunno....It would also likely leave me in more debt than I am now...but I kinda don't care about that anymore....My mind feels like its about to explode trying to work through these options in my mind...I'm terrified of the hel I would have to endure....but then again...in some ways I already endure it...so I dunno....


Not sure why I am even bothering to post a jural about this....I guess I just need to vent.....I dunno.....

Yea.... I fractured my hand..... I was stupid...... Nuff said.......Anyways I hope to post stuff again soon. Think I got my camera lens working well enough at least. *bugs*

Yep. I turn 33 tomorrow. My muzzle is getting even more gray. Thus is life LOL.

Anyway I do hope to make some more stuff soon but I need to acquire more equipment, and film locations but financing has been a bit tight. Needing a bit more camera equipment as well as I hope to bring about a web series for you all here soon, but the details of that are a bit of a surprise as, well, its a bit different from the normal stuff I have done.

As always I will accept donations for the stuff I make (busty.kitsune.inflates at gmail dot com), and am willing to send to res vids/images to for a donation to the cause (just not me or email me), if you like my content. Otherwise, stay tuned for more posts soon!

Thanks to you all for you kindness and the fact you like what I do! ^.^

Damn, I'm getting old fast.... I will be 33 this Tuesday, the 5th. Hard to believe, I'm over half my dads age, i been in the fandom for over 15 years, been going to furcons since 2006 seen so many people come and go, live and die already...just...wow...I feel so numb right now. I am 33, and have done so little with my life. I am not sure how to feel right now....don't help I dread each year that passes. To top it off I looks to be a nasty cold and gloomy day on Tuesday....

Not going into detail for reasons, but one of my RL mates and I witnessed what appeared to be a very violent crime tonight. I fear for a persons life, as when the attacker saw us through the window, the person screaming went silent mid scream....the police came and the lights were then off and no one answered and say they cant do anything about it at this point....I know the person saw us both and they were a nieghbor to my grandfather for years....so they likely know exactly who I am.....I'm legit scared...I'm only posting this cause I dunno what else to do, I do carry a gun as it is legal for me to where I am, so I'm not defensless if something happens.....but its the things i cant see coming that could be the most dangerous....ya know? anyway the poilice aint doing much if anything....so I'm just....scared.