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MMXII Annus Horribilis
General | Posted 13 years agoThis journal entry will be in both italian and english, just scroll down if you can't understand the language.
Scriverò questo journal in italiano prima e poi in inglese, mi risulta più facile esprimere quello che voglio davvero dire. Per cominciare, una confessione: io non leggo mai i journal degli altri, mi riprometto sempre di farlo però poi rimando e quando ricontrollo ci sono 500 nuove entry e, scoraggiato, le cancello tutte in un colpo. Per questo non mi aspetto che nessuno legga quello che sto per scrivere, è più che altro un riepilogo di fine anno per mettere un po' d'ordine nella mia testa. E allora direte voi, cosa lo scrivi a fare in un post pubblico? Non lo so. Cominciamo.
Dicembre, tempo di regali, di panettoni, di luci natalizie mezze bruciate e di geloni. Come tutti gli anni mi siedo li e penso, allora, come l'è andata? Risponderò senza mezzi termini: il 2012 è stato, senza dubbio alcuno, il peggior anno della mia vita. Ripensando a tutto ciò che è successo e sta succedendo (e potenzialmente succederà) rimango quasi istupidito. E' stato un anno di merda e mi ha cambiato decisamente... in peggio.
Non voglio scrivere un journal emo. Non voglio la pietà e lo schifo della gente, urlare "Oh me sventurato!" e sperare di essere rassicurato di conseguenza. Non lo faccio per attirare l'attenzione. Questo è un resoconto oggettivo di tutto ciò che quest'anno mi ha regalato.
Ho di recente festeggiato il "compledisoccupazione", è più di un anno che non ho lavoro stabile. Mi arrangio, do lezioni private di inglese e matematica ai bambini, riparo qualche computer quando capita, ma non è abbastanza. Avrò mandato centinaia di domande di lavoro che sono state quasi tutte ignorate. I primi mesi dell'anno ho tentato in inghilterra, poi ho abbandonato il sogno e sono tornato in italia, sperando di trovare in patria un ambiente meno ostile. Invece è stato molto peggio. L'Italia, così come il resto d'Europa e del mondo, è affossata in una crisi come mai se n'è viste prima. E pensare che ho studiato da ingegnere per avere un bel lavoro poi... si, un cazzo! E dopo così tanto tempo disoccupato, uno si sente veramente inutile. In più non ho soldi, neanche da far benzina alla macchina.
Il 20 maggio, giorno del mio compleanno, è arrivato il gradito dono di un terremoto che mi ha aperto la casa come una mela renetta. Per fortuna non mi sono fatto niente, se di fortuna si può parlare. Così io e mio padre ci siamo dovuti trasferire in un piccolo monolocale, a fianco dell'appartamento di mia madre (sono separati quindi immaginate che atmosfera), locale angusto adibito a ripostiglio senza riscaldamento, cucina o acqua calda. Il mio mondo si è ridotto ad un angolo di pochi metri quadri con il mio letto, pc, qualche scatolone di vestiti. E' strano perdere tutto e mai avrei creduto che mi sarebbe capitato, ci si abitua, ma mi manca la mia privacy. Sarò qui per molti mesi ancora.
Il 2012 è stato funestato da molti lutti. La morte della mia anziana nonna Nina, che spero, dovunque sia, non possa vedere come stanno andando le cose quaggiù, le dispiacerebbe. La perdita del bambino ancora non nato di mio cugino, a cui sono stato sempre legato come a un fratello. La morte di Richard prima e Brad poi, i miei due vecchi cani colpiti da malattie esotiche e incurabili. Ti da da pensare... la vita è corta e bisogna viverla al meglio. Se ce la fai.
Parliamo di cose allegre, di arte, di amici, di FA anche, fino a prova contraria è un mezzo per svagarsi e incontrare gente. Avrete notato che sono mesi che non disegno niente... non cercherò scuse, pigrizia, poca motivazione, assoluta sfiducia nelle mie capacità... disegnando ho guadagnato molti amici, in passato. Ora che ho smesso, li sto perdendo tutti. Come biasimarli, in fondo nessuno vuole un pagliaccio come me intorno. Sto diventando vecchio e noioso, me ne rendo conto. Sto tirando fuori il peggio di me... e sono geloso dell'arte degli altri, delle commissioni, delle relazioni altrui. Mi rendo conto che rimanere in questa comunità mi sta solo arrecando danno e per colpa mia, prevalentemente, perchè sono un testa di cazzo. Forse è il periodaccio o forse sono davvero così, chi lo sa, sono proprio un bel drago d'oro.
Non so cosa altro dire. Dicono che una volta toccato il fondo non si possa far altro che risalire. Ma dicono anche che non c'è limite al peggio, e ho paura. Mentre scrivevo queste tre righe mi sono messo a piangere come un Cicciobello. Forse sto diventando donna. E ho scritto abbastanza cazzate. Presto mi assenterò per qualche settimana, cercherò di staccare con tutto e tutti e di lasciare alle spalle questo anno atroce. Se ce l'avete fatta a arrivare fino a qui, vi stimo. E se volete ancora parlarmi sappiate che mi fa sempre un grande piacere.
Buon anno a tutti, state al caldo e se potete siate felici.
I'm going to write this journal in italian first and then in english, it'll just be easier to express what I really intend to say. To start with a confession, I almost never read other people's journals, I always want to, then say I'll do it later and the next time I check there's 500 new entries so I get demoralized and just wipe them all. For this reason I don't expect anyone to read what I'm about to write, it's just a recap for the year, to put some order in my head. And so, you'll say, why are you writing it in a public post? I don't know. Let's begin.
December, time for presents, cakes, half busted blinking lights and cold sores. As every year I sit down here and think, so, how did it go? I'm going to give a straight answer: 2012 has been, without the shade of a doubt, the worst year of my life. I'm thinking back at all that happened and is happening (and will happen) and I'm almost dumbstruck. It's been a shit year that changed me for the worse.
I don't want to write an emo entry. I don't want pity and disgust from people, wail "Oh, woe is me!" and hope some noble soul will come to pat me on my back. This is just a list of all this year has gifted me.
I recently celebrated my "Unemploymentday", it's more than a year I'm out of a real job. I scrounge what I can, I teach english and maths to kids, I fix computers when I can, but it's not enough. I sent hundreds of job applications, all of them ignored. The first months of the year I tried my luck in England, then I abandoned the dream and returned to Italy, hoping to find in my country of birth a less hostile environment. It was much worse, instead. Italy, as the rest of Europe and the world, sunk in a recession like never before. And to think I studied and became and engineer to have a better time later, find a better job... fuck that! And after so much time out of a job, one really feels useless. Moreover, I have no money, not even to refuel my car.
The 20th of May, the ay of my birthday, I was given the pleasant gift of an earthquake that split my house in two like an apple. Luckily we weren't hurt, if we can speak of luck. So, me and my father had to move in a tiny one room aparment, next to my mother's (they are divorced, so imagine the pleasant atmosphere), little breathing room that was used as a warehouse, with no heating, no kitchen and no hot water. My world got squeezed into a corner where I have my bed, my pc, a few boxes with some clothes pushed in. It's weird to lose everything and I never thought it'd happen to me, but you get used to it. What I miss the most is my privacy, to draw, to spend some time alone. I'm going to be here for many months.
2012 was besmirched by many deaths. The loss of my old granny Nina, I really hope that, wherever she is, she cannot see what's happening now, she'd be sorry. The loss of my cousin's unborn kid, I've always been as close to him as a brother, he's my age. The death of Richard and Brad, my two old dogs, struck by exotic, incurable diseases. It makes you think, life is indeed short and you should live it to the best, if you can.
Let's talk about jolly things, art, friends, FA too it's a place to meet people and have a good time. You may have noticed it's months I don't draw anything... I'm not going to fish for excuses here, I'm lazy, demotivated and insecure. My art gained me many friends in the past. Now that I stopped, I'm losing them all. How to blame them, nobody wants such a boring clown around. I am getting old and dull, I realize that. I'm really giving you all my worst, I'm jealous of other people's art, commissions, relationships. I realize that my permanence in this community is just harming me and others, and it's my fault because... well, I'm a dickhead. Maybe it's the period, maybe that's how I really am, who knows. Really a gold dragon.
I don't know what more to say. They say once you hit the bottom, you can only go up. But they also say there's no limit to the worst and I'm scared. As I was writing these few lines I started crying like one of those dolls. Maybe I'm becoming a woman. And I wrote enough bullshit. Soon I'm going to be out for a few weeks, I'll try to pull the plug and leave behind this atrocious year. If you managed to get this far reading, hats down to you. If you still want to talk to me, know it always makes me happy.
Happy new year everyone, stay warm and, if you can, be happy.
-Whip
Scriverò questo journal in italiano prima e poi in inglese, mi risulta più facile esprimere quello che voglio davvero dire. Per cominciare, una confessione: io non leggo mai i journal degli altri, mi riprometto sempre di farlo però poi rimando e quando ricontrollo ci sono 500 nuove entry e, scoraggiato, le cancello tutte in un colpo. Per questo non mi aspetto che nessuno legga quello che sto per scrivere, è più che altro un riepilogo di fine anno per mettere un po' d'ordine nella mia testa. E allora direte voi, cosa lo scrivi a fare in un post pubblico? Non lo so. Cominciamo.
Dicembre, tempo di regali, di panettoni, di luci natalizie mezze bruciate e di geloni. Come tutti gli anni mi siedo li e penso, allora, come l'è andata? Risponderò senza mezzi termini: il 2012 è stato, senza dubbio alcuno, il peggior anno della mia vita. Ripensando a tutto ciò che è successo e sta succedendo (e potenzialmente succederà) rimango quasi istupidito. E' stato un anno di merda e mi ha cambiato decisamente... in peggio.
Non voglio scrivere un journal emo. Non voglio la pietà e lo schifo della gente, urlare "Oh me sventurato!" e sperare di essere rassicurato di conseguenza. Non lo faccio per attirare l'attenzione. Questo è un resoconto oggettivo di tutto ciò che quest'anno mi ha regalato.
Ho di recente festeggiato il "compledisoccupazione", è più di un anno che non ho lavoro stabile. Mi arrangio, do lezioni private di inglese e matematica ai bambini, riparo qualche computer quando capita, ma non è abbastanza. Avrò mandato centinaia di domande di lavoro che sono state quasi tutte ignorate. I primi mesi dell'anno ho tentato in inghilterra, poi ho abbandonato il sogno e sono tornato in italia, sperando di trovare in patria un ambiente meno ostile. Invece è stato molto peggio. L'Italia, così come il resto d'Europa e del mondo, è affossata in una crisi come mai se n'è viste prima. E pensare che ho studiato da ingegnere per avere un bel lavoro poi... si, un cazzo! E dopo così tanto tempo disoccupato, uno si sente veramente inutile. In più non ho soldi, neanche da far benzina alla macchina.
Il 20 maggio, giorno del mio compleanno, è arrivato il gradito dono di un terremoto che mi ha aperto la casa come una mela renetta. Per fortuna non mi sono fatto niente, se di fortuna si può parlare. Così io e mio padre ci siamo dovuti trasferire in un piccolo monolocale, a fianco dell'appartamento di mia madre (sono separati quindi immaginate che atmosfera), locale angusto adibito a ripostiglio senza riscaldamento, cucina o acqua calda. Il mio mondo si è ridotto ad un angolo di pochi metri quadri con il mio letto, pc, qualche scatolone di vestiti. E' strano perdere tutto e mai avrei creduto che mi sarebbe capitato, ci si abitua, ma mi manca la mia privacy. Sarò qui per molti mesi ancora.
Il 2012 è stato funestato da molti lutti. La morte della mia anziana nonna Nina, che spero, dovunque sia, non possa vedere come stanno andando le cose quaggiù, le dispiacerebbe. La perdita del bambino ancora non nato di mio cugino, a cui sono stato sempre legato come a un fratello. La morte di Richard prima e Brad poi, i miei due vecchi cani colpiti da malattie esotiche e incurabili. Ti da da pensare... la vita è corta e bisogna viverla al meglio. Se ce la fai.
Parliamo di cose allegre, di arte, di amici, di FA anche, fino a prova contraria è un mezzo per svagarsi e incontrare gente. Avrete notato che sono mesi che non disegno niente... non cercherò scuse, pigrizia, poca motivazione, assoluta sfiducia nelle mie capacità... disegnando ho guadagnato molti amici, in passato. Ora che ho smesso, li sto perdendo tutti. Come biasimarli, in fondo nessuno vuole un pagliaccio come me intorno. Sto diventando vecchio e noioso, me ne rendo conto. Sto tirando fuori il peggio di me... e sono geloso dell'arte degli altri, delle commissioni, delle relazioni altrui. Mi rendo conto che rimanere in questa comunità mi sta solo arrecando danno e per colpa mia, prevalentemente, perchè sono un testa di cazzo. Forse è il periodaccio o forse sono davvero così, chi lo sa, sono proprio un bel drago d'oro.
Non so cosa altro dire. Dicono che una volta toccato il fondo non si possa far altro che risalire. Ma dicono anche che non c'è limite al peggio, e ho paura. Mentre scrivevo queste tre righe mi sono messo a piangere come un Cicciobello. Forse sto diventando donna. E ho scritto abbastanza cazzate. Presto mi assenterò per qualche settimana, cercherò di staccare con tutto e tutti e di lasciare alle spalle questo anno atroce. Se ce l'avete fatta a arrivare fino a qui, vi stimo. E se volete ancora parlarmi sappiate che mi fa sempre un grande piacere.
Buon anno a tutti, state al caldo e se potete siate felici.
I'm going to write this journal in italian first and then in english, it'll just be easier to express what I really intend to say. To start with a confession, I almost never read other people's journals, I always want to, then say I'll do it later and the next time I check there's 500 new entries so I get demoralized and just wipe them all. For this reason I don't expect anyone to read what I'm about to write, it's just a recap for the year, to put some order in my head. And so, you'll say, why are you writing it in a public post? I don't know. Let's begin.
December, time for presents, cakes, half busted blinking lights and cold sores. As every year I sit down here and think, so, how did it go? I'm going to give a straight answer: 2012 has been, without the shade of a doubt, the worst year of my life. I'm thinking back at all that happened and is happening (and will happen) and I'm almost dumbstruck. It's been a shit year that changed me for the worse.
I don't want to write an emo entry. I don't want pity and disgust from people, wail "Oh, woe is me!" and hope some noble soul will come to pat me on my back. This is just a list of all this year has gifted me.
I recently celebrated my "Unemploymentday", it's more than a year I'm out of a real job. I scrounge what I can, I teach english and maths to kids, I fix computers when I can, but it's not enough. I sent hundreds of job applications, all of them ignored. The first months of the year I tried my luck in England, then I abandoned the dream and returned to Italy, hoping to find in my country of birth a less hostile environment. It was much worse, instead. Italy, as the rest of Europe and the world, sunk in a recession like never before. And to think I studied and became and engineer to have a better time later, find a better job... fuck that! And after so much time out of a job, one really feels useless. Moreover, I have no money, not even to refuel my car.
The 20th of May, the ay of my birthday, I was given the pleasant gift of an earthquake that split my house in two like an apple. Luckily we weren't hurt, if we can speak of luck. So, me and my father had to move in a tiny one room aparment, next to my mother's (they are divorced, so imagine the pleasant atmosphere), little breathing room that was used as a warehouse, with no heating, no kitchen and no hot water. My world got squeezed into a corner where I have my bed, my pc, a few boxes with some clothes pushed in. It's weird to lose everything and I never thought it'd happen to me, but you get used to it. What I miss the most is my privacy, to draw, to spend some time alone. I'm going to be here for many months.
2012 was besmirched by many deaths. The loss of my old granny Nina, I really hope that, wherever she is, she cannot see what's happening now, she'd be sorry. The loss of my cousin's unborn kid, I've always been as close to him as a brother, he's my age. The death of Richard and Brad, my two old dogs, struck by exotic, incurable diseases. It makes you think, life is indeed short and you should live it to the best, if you can.
Let's talk about jolly things, art, friends, FA too it's a place to meet people and have a good time. You may have noticed it's months I don't draw anything... I'm not going to fish for excuses here, I'm lazy, demotivated and insecure. My art gained me many friends in the past. Now that I stopped, I'm losing them all. How to blame them, nobody wants such a boring clown around. I am getting old and dull, I realize that. I'm really giving you all my worst, I'm jealous of other people's art, commissions, relationships. I realize that my permanence in this community is just harming me and others, and it's my fault because... well, I'm a dickhead. Maybe it's the period, maybe that's how I really am, who knows. Really a gold dragon.
I don't know what more to say. They say once you hit the bottom, you can only go up. But they also say there's no limit to the worst and I'm scared. As I was writing these few lines I started crying like one of those dolls. Maybe I'm becoming a woman. And I wrote enough bullshit. Soon I'm going to be out for a few weeks, I'll try to pull the plug and leave behind this atrocious year. If you managed to get this far reading, hats down to you. If you still want to talk to me, know it always makes me happy.
Happy new year everyone, stay warm and, if you can, be happy.
-Whip
Death of a tablet
General | Posted 13 years agoDear diary, I own a very cheap, small A6 Trust tablet my friends bought me for my birthday. And if there's something I learnt about Trust is not to trust their products. Long story short, the pen works with a AAA battery in it and after a couple of months the one that came with the tablet leaked, corroding everything.
I cleaned it thoroughly and for a while it worked again, but battery acid is nasty stuff. Today it stopped for good.
So, it's back to pencil and paper. I have to dig out my ancient Medion tablet, hoping it still works, although it's horribly warped.
I'd like to buy a good quality tablet, but as things are now, I feel I should be frugal. If you by any chance know anyone that's selling a used one, due to upgrade or something, or know about any offers, please send a note my way. I can't spend much, after all I draw for fun and I'm not earning any money from it, so I cannot justify a hefty expense.
That is all.
I cleaned it thoroughly and for a while it worked again, but battery acid is nasty stuff. Today it stopped for good.
So, it's back to pencil and paper. I have to dig out my ancient Medion tablet, hoping it still works, although it's horribly warped.
I'd like to buy a good quality tablet, but as things are now, I feel I should be frugal. If you by any chance know anyone that's selling a used one, due to upgrade or something, or know about any offers, please send a note my way. I can't spend much, after all I draw for fun and I'm not earning any money from it, so I cannot justify a hefty expense.
That is all.
Goodbye, Richard
General | Posted 13 years agohttp://i458.photobucket.com/albums/.....y/P1000730.jpg
Yesterday evening my beloved dog Richard died. He was very old and had many health issues, so it wasn't unexpected, but I hoped he could be with me for at least a couple more years.
I had many dogs in the past but with noone I established a relationship so intense like the one with Richard. He was truly MY dog. He was born in my house, we didn't even want to keep him, we had already enough males, but when he was very little he escaped and got ran over by a car. With a broken leg he quickly started living indoors, then sleeping on my bed. He was spoiled rotten, a really terrible dog with a nasty attitude toward anyone and anything, in his youth. He nipped at many people's arses, fought with every dog we had, managed to get pregnant all of our bitches (his mother included). He destroyed countless doors, cages, flynet screens, ate the safety belts of two cars and even in old age he managed to flee and take a stroll on the motorway. He's always been a difficult troublemaker of a dog, a small, lanky, strange animal. In the end he had a heart condition, had a stroke a couple of years ago, couldn't see or hear well, he was unsteady on his legs and had diabetes. Still, with medications, he didn't suffer and could go on with his life, at least for a while.
A week ago he just didn't have the strength to stand up anymore. He would drink, but not eat anything. Yesterday he died in my arms. He was old, skinny and his time had come, but I haven't stop crying since.
He was born with me and he died with me. He was the most troublesome, spoiled, difficult dog ever, yet I loved him to bits every day of his life. I'll never have another like him. I even owe him my name.
Thank you Richard. You made me happy.
April 20th, 1997 † August 25th 2012
Yesterday evening my beloved dog Richard died. He was very old and had many health issues, so it wasn't unexpected, but I hoped he could be with me for at least a couple more years.
I had many dogs in the past but with noone I established a relationship so intense like the one with Richard. He was truly MY dog. He was born in my house, we didn't even want to keep him, we had already enough males, but when he was very little he escaped and got ran over by a car. With a broken leg he quickly started living indoors, then sleeping on my bed. He was spoiled rotten, a really terrible dog with a nasty attitude toward anyone and anything, in his youth. He nipped at many people's arses, fought with every dog we had, managed to get pregnant all of our bitches (his mother included). He destroyed countless doors, cages, flynet screens, ate the safety belts of two cars and even in old age he managed to flee and take a stroll on the motorway. He's always been a difficult troublemaker of a dog, a small, lanky, strange animal. In the end he had a heart condition, had a stroke a couple of years ago, couldn't see or hear well, he was unsteady on his legs and had diabetes. Still, with medications, he didn't suffer and could go on with his life, at least for a while.
A week ago he just didn't have the strength to stand up anymore. He would drink, but not eat anything. Yesterday he died in my arms. He was old, skinny and his time had come, but I haven't stop crying since.
He was born with me and he died with me. He was the most troublesome, spoiled, difficult dog ever, yet I loved him to bits every day of his life. I'll never have another like him. I even owe him my name.
Thank you Richard. You made me happy.
April 20th, 1997 † August 25th 2012
*punt*
General | Posted 14 years agoPiss off, depressing journals! I won't have sadness on my front page!
That is all.
Ah, yes. Have a dragon:
http://i458.photobucket.com/albums/.....a/P1010996.jpg
That is all.
Ah, yes. Have a dragon:
http://i458.photobucket.com/albums/.....a/P1010996.jpg
updates - july
General | Posted 14 years agoI know nobody reads these journals, but I feel like writing something anyway, to let out some steam. I need to say something, or I'll explode. I know I have art pending, I should contribute more to the community and whatnot, but for now, this is what you get.
You'll know Italy is in a state of absolute disarray, England rejected me and my attempts to find a job there and I'm pretty much stuck where I am. There's no jobs, I'm a programmer by trade but there's nothing to do, I worked for 2 months last year as an unskilled manual laborer, digging trenches in the mud (I'd do it again, but they have no need).
Trying to find a job now feels like begging and I have no money coming in. In addition, anything and everything in Italy is taxed. My car insurance is more pricey than the car itself, which by the way I cannot afford to run, given the prices of petrol. I already paid a hefty slice of taxes on last year's income and now, the unwelcomed suprise of some "estimate income tax", or whatever it is, that'll rob me of another half a grand. They explained me they are going to give it back to me, in the future, should I have paid it unjustly. But now they have to go.
And the earthquake left me without a house.
That is all. I worry... a lot. I know I'm supposed to clench my buttcheeks and keep going, but sometimes I really feel like letting go. What a sad, bleak era to be living in.
You'll know Italy is in a state of absolute disarray, England rejected me and my attempts to find a job there and I'm pretty much stuck where I am. There's no jobs, I'm a programmer by trade but there's nothing to do, I worked for 2 months last year as an unskilled manual laborer, digging trenches in the mud (I'd do it again, but they have no need).
Trying to find a job now feels like begging and I have no money coming in. In addition, anything and everything in Italy is taxed. My car insurance is more pricey than the car itself, which by the way I cannot afford to run, given the prices of petrol. I already paid a hefty slice of taxes on last year's income and now, the unwelcomed suprise of some "estimate income tax", or whatever it is, that'll rob me of another half a grand. They explained me they are going to give it back to me, in the future, should I have paid it unjustly. But now they have to go.
And the earthquake left me without a house.
That is all. I worry... a lot. I know I'm supposed to clench my buttcheeks and keep going, but sometimes I really feel like letting go. What a sad, bleak era to be living in.
updates - 20/29 may earthquakes
General | Posted 14 years agoI'm writing on my lappy using a fairly unstable mobile connection. On the 20th and the 29th of May northern Italy was hit by two strong earthquakes. Me and my family are well and safe, but the second event wrecked my house.
It was scary, the second quake felt like a bomb set off indoors and I genuinely feared for my life for the first time ever. Luckily, it looks like it's calming down, there's still aftershocks and the tension is high, this area was considered safe and nobody was prepared to face something like this.
My thoughts go with those who lost much more than I did, as everything but life can be replaced and rebuilt. Now, fingers crossed, if no more quakes strike we will eventually stand back up. Take care, everyone.
It was scary, the second quake felt like a bomb set off indoors and I genuinely feared for my life for the first time ever. Luckily, it looks like it's calming down, there's still aftershocks and the tension is high, this area was considered safe and nobody was prepared to face something like this.
My thoughts go with those who lost much more than I did, as everything but life can be replaced and rebuilt. Now, fingers crossed, if no more quakes strike we will eventually stand back up. Take care, everyone.
Birthday and earthquake
General | Posted 14 years agoDear Diary, first of all sorry I don't write that often, let's talk about two completely unrelated topics.
First of all, today it's my birthday, but that's not a big deal, they are starting to become too many and I don't want people to feel compelled to get me a present (but thanks to whoever remembered and Raven Witch Shade - TF Master for the juicy story I'm about to read).
Also, tonight at 4 am a rather strong quake hit northern Italy, centred just 15 miles south of where I live and I felt it well, everybody did. It woke me up and before I could even realize I was cowering in the doorframe. When I heard broken glass I bolted downstairs and out front and that's about it. Nobody here is hurt and the only damage I sustained was a broken picture frame and some new hairline cracks in the walls. It was pretty exciting, the strongest seismic movement I felt so far, luckily my area is "safer" than most of Italy, as I live in a flat area "padded" with clay and sand. A quake of the same intensity further south destroyed an entire city two years ago, because of their rocky ground.
http://edition.cnn.com/2012/05/20/w.....ake/?hpt=hp_t3
That's about it, don't worry, carry on and talk to me whenever you fancy. Here in Italy I'm surely more lonely than before.
First of all, today it's my birthday, but that's not a big deal, they are starting to become too many and I don't want people to feel compelled to get me a present (but thanks to whoever remembered and Raven Witch Shade - TF Master for the juicy story I'm about to read).
Also, tonight at 4 am a rather strong quake hit northern Italy, centred just 15 miles south of where I live and I felt it well, everybody did. It woke me up and before I could even realize I was cowering in the doorframe. When I heard broken glass I bolted downstairs and out front and that's about it. Nobody here is hurt and the only damage I sustained was a broken picture frame and some new hairline cracks in the walls. It was pretty exciting, the strongest seismic movement I felt so far, luckily my area is "safer" than most of Italy, as I live in a flat area "padded" with clay and sand. A quake of the same intensity further south destroyed an entire city two years ago, because of their rocky ground.
http://edition.cnn.com/2012/05/20/w.....ake/?hpt=hp_t3
That's about it, don't worry, carry on and talk to me whenever you fancy. Here in Italy I'm surely more lonely than before.
Goodbye Cat
General | Posted 14 years agoI had a cat named Cat. He was missing for a month and yesterday we found him dead, poisoned by some cunt. I thought I never bonded with him, I'm more of a dog person... but then, why am I crying over his old photos?
http://i458.photobucket.com/albums/.....s/P1000460.jpg
Goodbye Cat.
http://i458.photobucket.com/albums/.....s/P1000460.jpg
Goodbye Cat.
Thoughts and a change of plan
General | Posted 14 years agoYears ago, when I joined Furaffinity, I never thought I'd be anything more than an anonymous watcher; I wasn't an artist, I hardly ever picked up a pencil and I couldn't draw a stick figure if my life depended on it. Then I took courage and started experimenting, posting the early sketches I produced and, to my amazement, people noticed me. I started meeting some wonderful characters and drawing more consistently, embracing art as a hobby, striving to be better and enjoying it. I made friends and I got known as a happy, easy going golden dragon and artist in training. I would draw often, meet people, ask for advice, strive to get better.
This was a long time ago. Stopping to consider how things are now, I realize with great amazement how much things have changed and I have changed. In worse, obviously. When I used to draw at least a coloured piece a fortnight, now I draw a sketch every month. Drawing is becoming harder and harder, a gruelling chore as I realize how feeble my grasp on anatomy and techniques is. I'm not gifted and I'm not getting any more skilled, since I never practice. Drawing anything takes ages and I hate the results.
This wouldn't be so bad, if I just gave up being an artist and enjoyed what others do, but I don't. Every time I visit the site I get tremendously flustered over other people's art, or commissions they got done. I'm too shy to commission anyone to see my character come to life. I'm jealous of budding artists, hating their aptitude and skills as I feel useless for not being able to draw anything myself. I was hardly prolific even in my best years and I keep hiding myself behind a few half assed submissions that I fluked in the past, calling myself an artist over absolutely nothing. I promise trades and pictures to the few friends I have left, hoping to keep them around for longer, as I suffer seeing them flock away from me to better, more reliable friends, feeling guilty and worthless for squandering my free time over pointless games or... nothing at all.
I hardly log on my messengers anymore, for I fear to face the few contacts that still endure me, or worse, find out they are gone. When I used to be a good, funny friend to have around, I now bore them to tears with tales of my uselessness and despair, as I promise them I'd start drawing again soon with my fingers crossed behind my back, without realizing how foolish this is, since they can't see me and the only person I'm deceiving is myself. I'm an insufferable, lazy bumbler. I have a thousand submissions to go trough and I won't, since I'm afraid to find several amazing pieces by budding artists that will make me feel even more inadequate.
I realize this cannot go on. My life sucks enough already without adding some fictional strife from the internet. I'm faced with two options. I either abandon the fandom, disappearing from the face of the internet and dedicate myself to different, less stressing pastimes or... I do something about it.
Dropping everything would be a tremendous failure. Not that anyone would notice, mind, I hardly ever read journals myself... I'm writing this more for myself than for others, to put some order in my thoughts. Yes I have a few friends that still endure me, I like to think I'm... significant, to at least someone, but I'm probably fooling myself. I could go, and nobody would notice. Shameful, but relatively painless.
Or,
I wake up. I try to shake off the drowsiness, the self loathing, the failed artist act, take it down a step and face this with some humility. If I ever had any artistic training, it's now gone. I haven't drawn anything decent in a year. I must start training, for real and consistently, look at other artists as companions and mentors, not rivals.
I promised myself in 2012 I'd draw more. An useless, generic target which I haven't even attempted to meet, as this month I didn't touch a pencil. It changes today. I decided to give it another try before I sink.
From today I will dedicate AT LEAST one hour a day to art. I'm prioritizing it over games or tv or any other useless activity I now waste my time on. I believe that, although not gifted, with dedication I can improve. During the hour I'll either train or research, try to improve my grasp on anatomy, techniques, shapes. Drawing anything now takes hours and a terrible effort. I need to start doodling non stop, focusing on speed and flow more than "I wonder how people will react to this piece". I have a cheap tablet I hardly ever used and now is a bit warped, but it'll do. I want to learn and improve. I'm a blank slate and I know nothing, I never did. I'm sure that once I start gaining some confidence I'll draw often and become a better, happier person. It'll take a lot of time and I'm not sure it'll work, but I had quite enough of being miserable.
This was a long time ago. Stopping to consider how things are now, I realize with great amazement how much things have changed and I have changed. In worse, obviously. When I used to draw at least a coloured piece a fortnight, now I draw a sketch every month. Drawing is becoming harder and harder, a gruelling chore as I realize how feeble my grasp on anatomy and techniques is. I'm not gifted and I'm not getting any more skilled, since I never practice. Drawing anything takes ages and I hate the results.
This wouldn't be so bad, if I just gave up being an artist and enjoyed what others do, but I don't. Every time I visit the site I get tremendously flustered over other people's art, or commissions they got done. I'm too shy to commission anyone to see my character come to life. I'm jealous of budding artists, hating their aptitude and skills as I feel useless for not being able to draw anything myself. I was hardly prolific even in my best years and I keep hiding myself behind a few half assed submissions that I fluked in the past, calling myself an artist over absolutely nothing. I promise trades and pictures to the few friends I have left, hoping to keep them around for longer, as I suffer seeing them flock away from me to better, more reliable friends, feeling guilty and worthless for squandering my free time over pointless games or... nothing at all.
I hardly log on my messengers anymore, for I fear to face the few contacts that still endure me, or worse, find out they are gone. When I used to be a good, funny friend to have around, I now bore them to tears with tales of my uselessness and despair, as I promise them I'd start drawing again soon with my fingers crossed behind my back, without realizing how foolish this is, since they can't see me and the only person I'm deceiving is myself. I'm an insufferable, lazy bumbler. I have a thousand submissions to go trough and I won't, since I'm afraid to find several amazing pieces by budding artists that will make me feel even more inadequate.
I realize this cannot go on. My life sucks enough already without adding some fictional strife from the internet. I'm faced with two options. I either abandon the fandom, disappearing from the face of the internet and dedicate myself to different, less stressing pastimes or... I do something about it.
Dropping everything would be a tremendous failure. Not that anyone would notice, mind, I hardly ever read journals myself... I'm writing this more for myself than for others, to put some order in my thoughts. Yes I have a few friends that still endure me, I like to think I'm... significant, to at least someone, but I'm probably fooling myself. I could go, and nobody would notice. Shameful, but relatively painless.
Or,
I wake up. I try to shake off the drowsiness, the self loathing, the failed artist act, take it down a step and face this with some humility. If I ever had any artistic training, it's now gone. I haven't drawn anything decent in a year. I must start training, for real and consistently, look at other artists as companions and mentors, not rivals.
I promised myself in 2012 I'd draw more. An useless, generic target which I haven't even attempted to meet, as this month I didn't touch a pencil. It changes today. I decided to give it another try before I sink.
From today I will dedicate AT LEAST one hour a day to art. I'm prioritizing it over games or tv or any other useless activity I now waste my time on. I believe that, although not gifted, with dedication I can improve. During the hour I'll either train or research, try to improve my grasp on anatomy, techniques, shapes. Drawing anything now takes hours and a terrible effort. I need to start doodling non stop, focusing on speed and flow more than "I wonder how people will react to this piece". I have a cheap tablet I hardly ever used and now is a bit warped, but it'll do. I want to learn and improve. I'm a blank slate and I know nothing, I never did. I'm sure that once I start gaining some confidence I'll draw often and become a better, happier person. It'll take a lot of time and I'm not sure it'll work, but I had quite enough of being miserable.
A month for three sketches
General | Posted 14 years ago...and not even three good ones.
I don't know why I even bother with journals, since I never read them and I have 3033 of them in my new messages, but I may as well. It's... a weird, bad period. I've been unemployed and job hunting for two months, I know it's not much, but it feels like I never worked! I just mope around the house, slugging and less useful than an arse without a hole. Games bore me, FA lately just saddens or infuriates me.
I see amazing commissions and get immediately jealous of them, then I hear voices, telling me to treat myself and at the same time that I shouldn't, because I need to be frugal. Then I suffer for a week trying to contact the artist, I don't do it because I'm too shy and the slot is gone.
Anyway, it's not important. I'm trying not to get depressed over nothing, because it sucks and I'm sure once I get a job I'll become magically normal again.
Maybe I should be more outgoing. Meet more dragons or transformation enthusiasts or... anyone. Message me, if you fancy. I also need to practice digital art as pencils are so unbelievably inefficient. Posting more sketchy stuff, which I hope to finish in the future. I'd really like to regain some drive.
That is all.
I don't know why I even bother with journals, since I never read them and I have 3033 of them in my new messages, but I may as well. It's... a weird, bad period. I've been unemployed and job hunting for two months, I know it's not much, but it feels like I never worked! I just mope around the house, slugging and less useful than an arse without a hole. Games bore me, FA lately just saddens or infuriates me.
I see amazing commissions and get immediately jealous of them, then I hear voices, telling me to treat myself and at the same time that I shouldn't, because I need to be frugal. Then I suffer for a week trying to contact the artist, I don't do it because I'm too shy and the slot is gone.
Anyway, it's not important. I'm trying not to get depressed over nothing, because it sucks and I'm sure once I get a job I'll become magically normal again.
Maybe I should be more outgoing. Meet more dragons or transformation enthusiasts or... anyone. Message me, if you fancy. I also need to practice digital art as pencils are so unbelievably inefficient. Posting more sketchy stuff, which I hope to finish in the future. I'd really like to regain some drive.
That is all.
FA's mysterious syntax
General | Posted 15 years agoIt's four years I'm here and I still haven't learned a thing. Yes, I know. I'm ignorant. Is there anyone who can tell me once and for all the correct syntax to get the panel
<prev><first><next> ?
I'd also like to know how to post links to other acount in terms of link only, link and icon, icon only. Also, other cool things! I can't find any documentation! Teach me things.
<prev><first><next> ?
I'd also like to know how to post links to other acount in terms of link only, link and icon, icon only. Also, other cool things! I can't find any documentation! Teach me things.
IAPW 3.0 at its new home!
General | Posted 16 years agoIt's nearly three months "In a Perfect World" has been back and now it has its own webspace!
http://iapw.southernweyr.net/
For whoever doesn't know, IAPW is a webcomic about a strange family of furry critters. Arakaraath, Aneirin, Arcturius, Budger and many others. Art by the awesome AraKaraath, colours by the talented Arcturius and yes... some strips are also drawn by me, but they don't count, you are authorized to skip them. I don't usually post them on FA, but I'd like to give the webcomic a bit more visibility, it's important to us and we put some good effort in it. Two new strips every week! (unless I miss the deadlines). On our new and improved website you can comment your favourite ones and subscribe to the rss feed and the new issues will find YOU! How handy is that!
But seriously. Visit
http://iapw.southernweyr.net/
and love it. Give us all your love.
http://iapw.southernweyr.net/
For whoever doesn't know, IAPW is a webcomic about a strange family of furry critters. Arakaraath, Aneirin, Arcturius, Budger and many others. Art by the awesome AraKaraath, colours by the talented Arcturius and yes... some strips are also drawn by me, but they don't count, you are authorized to skip them. I don't usually post them on FA, but I'd like to give the webcomic a bit more visibility, it's important to us and we put some good effort in it. Two new strips every week! (unless I miss the deadlines). On our new and improved website you can comment your favourite ones and subscribe to the rss feed and the new issues will find YOU! How handy is that!
But seriously. Visit
http://iapw.southernweyr.net/
and love it. Give us all your love.
In a Perfect World 3.0
General | Posted 16 years agoI never write a journal unless it's important. So, read on, this is important.
We've been debating it for over a year. Prepairing scripts, honing our skills, waiting for the right moment. It's finally here.
AraKaraath, 
Arcturius and 
Whippet are proud to present you their comic, In A Perfect World 3.0!
http://iapw.comicgenesis.com/d/20100206.html
Bookmark it, follow it, love it! Give us feedback, spread the word! I'm so excited! I don't know what to write!
We've been debating it for over a year. Prepairing scripts, honing our skills, waiting for the right moment. It's finally here.
AraKaraath, 
Arcturius and 
Whippet are proud to present you their comic, In A Perfect World 3.0!http://iapw.comicgenesis.com/d/20100206.html
Bookmark it, follow it, love it! Give us feedback, spread the word! I'm so excited! I don't know what to write!
Humans
General | Posted 16 years agoI'm not really into that.
July 2009
General | Posted 17 years agoI don't write on my FA journal too often, because I know they get deleted anyway most of the times. I write only when I feel I have something important to say. So, this is it, a little update on my situation, thoughts, questions. It won't be long.
First of all you might have noticed my activity has dropped a little, and if you have my messenger I'm not online as often as I used to. This is because on the first of July I started working. It's a hard, draining job that'll make my summer a season of sacrifices but will fetch me some very good money, which I'm going to need to start again in England.
http://mr-whippet.livejournal.com/29804.html
Here, on my LiveJournal I talk about it. I also write quite often there, if you fancy visiting me. Let's just say here I have very irregular shifts, mostly late evening/night/early morning and that leaves me little time to do other things. This to say what I'm up to: I'm fine, happy, just very busy with life.
Let's talk about art, I know that's what FA is all about. I still want to draw and improve, I have a little big project brewing with my mates... not saying anything more than that, but I set my heart on it and I really hope we manage to pull it out. In addition to that I'd like to draw some more myself.
I've been meaning to ask this for a long time, but if I opened commissions for a couple of pieces, would anyone be interested? Look into my gallery, that's what I can do.
First of all you might have noticed my activity has dropped a little, and if you have my messenger I'm not online as often as I used to. This is because on the first of July I started working. It's a hard, draining job that'll make my summer a season of sacrifices but will fetch me some very good money, which I'm going to need to start again in England.
http://mr-whippet.livejournal.com/29804.html
Here, on my LiveJournal I talk about it. I also write quite often there, if you fancy visiting me. Let's just say here I have very irregular shifts, mostly late evening/night/early morning and that leaves me little time to do other things. This to say what I'm up to: I'm fine, happy, just very busy with life.
Let's talk about art, I know that's what FA is all about. I still want to draw and improve, I have a little big project brewing with my mates... not saying anything more than that, but I set my heart on it and I really hope we manage to pull it out. In addition to that I'd like to draw some more myself.
I've been meaning to ask this for a long time, but if I opened commissions for a couple of pieces, would anyone be interested? Look into my gallery, that's what I can do.
Moving on
General | Posted 17 years agoNothing to see here, I just wanted to kick down the previous, outdated journal. If you want anything, ask away.
Birthday, relax and love.
General | Posted 17 years agoI write this journal entry to tranquillize whoever might be interested, I'm alive and very well even if I won't have time to be online much, or at all, for the next 10 days. My mates AraKaraath and Arcturius are here with me in Italy, every day we visit a different place and spend every minute together. We'll have lots of updates and pictures to show you after the 24th! Have a good time, we sure are!
The dragon turns 26 human years old!
General | Posted 17 years agoThe 20th of may is my birthday. Well, I'm much more older than 26, but you know, for boring human documents and buerocracy you need to fake a year of birth. And my mates AraKaraath and Arcturius will be here with me! Finally, a day I'm looking forward to.
Good news and Bad news
General | Posted 17 years agoThe happiest season of my life is, unfortunately, about to end a month earlier than I planned.
The good news is that, if everything goes well, I found a job. Seasonal, stressful, organized in crappy shifts but very, very well paid, from June to October.
The bad news is that the job is in Italy, and if I want it I have to go back there to attend to a training course starting on the 29th of April... and since I have to prepare some papers first, I'm flying back on the 23rd, this thursday.
My heart cries at the thought of separating from my partners a month earlier than we planned, but money is money and we need it. I'm not turning down the job, with the crisis we have now it would be foolish. Still, it's sad, I'm going towards a summer of solitude and hard, boring work, but the money will help me come back to England and possibly settle here for good.
I love you Arcturius, I love you AraKaraath.
This has been the happiest spring of my life, without any doubt. We'll be together again and live together.
To anyone who may concern, I'll be a bit on and off these days, slow on my art as well, since I have to move and get things done. Of course I have a connection in Italy and I'll be back online as soon as I can.
The good news is that, if everything goes well, I found a job. Seasonal, stressful, organized in crappy shifts but very, very well paid, from June to October.
The bad news is that the job is in Italy, and if I want it I have to go back there to attend to a training course starting on the 29th of April... and since I have to prepare some papers first, I'm flying back on the 23rd, this thursday.
My heart cries at the thought of separating from my partners a month earlier than we planned, but money is money and we need it. I'm not turning down the job, with the crisis we have now it would be foolish. Still, it's sad, I'm going towards a summer of solitude and hard, boring work, but the money will help me come back to England and possibly settle here for good.
I love you
Arcturius, I love you AraKaraath. This has been the happiest spring of my life, without any doubt. We'll be together again and live together.
To anyone who may concern, I'll be a bit on and off these days, slow on my art as well, since I have to move and get things done. Of course I have a connection in Italy and I'll be back online as soon as I can.
Important: messenger purge
General | Posted 17 years agoAfter years and years of internet usage I hoarded a lot of contacts on my various messengers, too many to keep track of. Some of them changed name, some other never speak to me, so I decided that
in three days, on Friday the 10th of April, I will delete anyone I don't recognize or doesn't show any interest in being there.
If you are a regular friend and spoke to me recently you don't need to worry but, just in case, drop me a line here or a private message. If you fancy staying in contact with me, the procedure is the same, a message will do.
This is also an occasion to gain new friends, as well as renew my list, so if you fancy to meet a very friendly golden you just have to let me know. My contact details aren't public anymore but I'm well happy to give them to interested people.
in three days, on Friday the 10th of April, I will delete anyone I don't recognize or doesn't show any interest in being there.
If you are a regular friend and spoke to me recently you don't need to worry but, just in case, drop me a line here or a private message. If you fancy staying in contact with me, the procedure is the same, a message will do.
This is also an occasion to gain new friends, as well as renew my list, so if you fancy to meet a very friendly golden you just have to let me know. My contact details aren't public anymore but I'm well happy to give them to interested people.
Where did all the old stuff go?
General | Posted 17 years agoI'm taking drawing a bit more seriously lately, so I tidied up my gallery and moved pretty much all my terrible cringeful ancient "art" into scraps. Everything is still there, if you want to enjoy the horror show!
Last entry
General | Posted 17 years agoof the year. My hair grew back, so no point in keeping the old one.
What to say? I had a freakishly terrible christmas, but I already recovered from it... and I have great plans and ideas for next year. I hope everything goes swimmingly for all of you. Merry delayed Christmas and have an excellent 2009.
What to say? I had a freakishly terrible christmas, but I already recovered from it... and I have great plans and ideas for next year. I hope everything goes swimmingly for all of you. Merry delayed Christmas and have an excellent 2009.
Bald
General | Posted 17 years agoI was trying to grow my hair after 25 years of "fuzzy cannonball" look. After 6 months, i was close to the point where i could tie it behind my back.
Mother bought me a wash + light trim to even it up with her hairdresser. In ten minutes she butchered it down to less to one inch and burned it with searing hot air. The stumps crumble into dust when touched.
I'm really a stupid gay, i'm crying for my hair and... now i have to start over. Maybe it's not worth it.
Mother bought me a wash + light trim to even it up with her hairdresser. In ten minutes she butchered it down to less to one inch and burned it with searing hot air. The stumps crumble into dust when touched.
I'm really a stupid gay, i'm crying for my hair and... now i have to start over. Maybe it's not worth it.
As busy as I can be
General | Posted 18 years agoI want to apologize to all the people who use to talk with me for not being online for a solid ten days. I'm alive and well, I've just been burdened by a nice lot of late night shifts. I work eight hours in the night, sleep eight more in the morning, and the afternoon when I'm awake i'm too busy to even think to turn on the pc.
It was an extraordinary train of shifts (nights pay well so i'm not complaining), next week i have a couple of mornings and then afternoons, so i should come online more often. Sorry everyone.
It was an extraordinary train of shifts (nights pay well so i'm not complaining), next week i have a couple of mornings and then afternoons, so i should come online more often. Sorry everyone.
Report: May
General | Posted 18 years agoI know this is not Myspace or Livejournal and people hope to see porny pictures, not boring paragraphs about some complete stranger's life but I'm writing something anyway, more for myself than for someone else.
May. It's more than a month I'm back in Italy, and it's not any better than I imagined. I'm lonely, yet I'm surrounded by people. My grandparents try to make me fat. I still don't have a DS. My father is always missing, and my mother is crazyer than ever. Despite our promises we fight every time, cry and shout, and then want to die on the spot. Not an healthy place to be, this.
On a positive note, I found a job for the motorways society. I'm starting saturday: I get to work nights, all weekends, for the whole summer. Eight hours a day, a demanding but well paid job that'll keep me distracted and allow me, in four months, to go away from this place.
Next time I'll post something it'll be cocks, don't worry.
May. It's more than a month I'm back in Italy, and it's not any better than I imagined. I'm lonely, yet I'm surrounded by people. My grandparents try to make me fat. I still don't have a DS. My father is always missing, and my mother is crazyer than ever. Despite our promises we fight every time, cry and shout, and then want to die on the spot. Not an healthy place to be, this.
On a positive note, I found a job for the motorways society. I'm starting saturday: I get to work nights, all weekends, for the whole summer. Eight hours a day, a demanding but well paid job that'll keep me distracted and allow me, in four months, to go away from this place.
Next time I'll post something it'll be cocks, don't worry.
