tonight as i came back from the local dinner meet, i arrived home to find the cloud cover had broken already. i looked up, and saw only two or three stars, a great void, and thin cloud edging this large hole in the sky. i kept staring for a moment, only to realize, this...thing. this great void i used to know plastered with tiny shining dots... i couldn't remember what it looked like anymore.

when i was young, i went to summer camp every year starting from when i was only three years old. the night sky was something that was as familiar to me as a baby blanket or stuffed teddy is to a child; but after i stopped going to camp, i stopped looking up. days became months, months to years, and now i realize i have forgotten.

this on its own wouldn't bother me. it's as simple as a drive out into the country, or even calling up the camp to come visit again, but it was the thought that came with it that really made me feel uneasy. theres not much of my days as a child i actually do remember anymore. all my friends i loved so much; as a kid i looked forward to seeing them each year, and now...i cant even remember what they look like, much less what they feel like, or sound like. the feel of the water running under the canoes on our out-trip, or even where we went... times i thought i would never forget are almost entirely washed away by time. the real question here is, what else have i forgotten? what could we all have forgotten, that was a pillar for who we were, but maybe left behind?

i guess symbolism isn't just in novels, for it would seem that like the memories we hold, the city lights blot out all but the brightest of the night time stars.

so where do i start. so many things i could say about myself. some good, some bad. many silly, and just as many serious. i guess the real question here is what do furs want to know about me, but would never think to ask; and of that, what am i willing to tell.

i guess i shall start out with the simplest of the ten things about me, that only a handful of people know. i am a cuddleslut. i love to cuddle. i love cuddling more than i like intimacy. whether that is due to bad experience, a lack thereof, or simply for the love of the closeness of itself is debateable, but the fact remains, it is my favourite thing to do. if i find someone or something that is cuddly, i am content to cuddle for as long as i am allowed. this also includes giving hugs. i am not picky about who i hug, and my first reaction to open arm is to give a hug. but as much as i love to give hugs and snuggles, i am somewhat shy when it comes to how i conduct myself around others

if loving hugs was all that people didn't know about me though, i wouldn't bother even attempting to write this. my second thing about me is more or less a general statement that anybody who really knows me most likely already knows, but if i didn't add it, it's wouldn't be much of a fair representation of me. i am a gamer. i have tried to break my addiction to the computer for a while when i was younger, to find it was quite impossible. i am not really addicted to any one aspect of the digital world, but rather the entire thing in and of itself. i love being able to play video games, and explore worlds that can only be experienced through the imagination of its creators, and seen through digital renditions of their developers. i love the ability to meet people from all over the world and forget entirely who they are, and who i am, and simply know each other by how we want to be known. and, for those days that i question my motives for getting out of bed at all, i love how i can sink into a non-existent world, let my troubles melt away, and sometimes, if i cannot forget them, find the answers that i was looking for. i guess in a way it's like any other drug, just as addictive and just as harmful, but everybody has a vice, mine is at least legal.

third thing to know about me, as much as i may act otherwise, i am nothing more than a giant teddy bear, and a romantic at heart. i guess some people would call it being effeminate, but whatever it is, it makes me feel good to make someone i care for feel good. many times if i have a crush on someone i just meet i'll go out of my way to make them feel good too. it's simply just my nature, and that's a part of me that won't change without tremendous effort, nor is it something i would want to change about myself.

while we're on the topic of crushes, i'm certain a few floppy ears have perked and would like to know if i do have crushes. well yes. i do. i wouldn't be much of a fool for love if i didn't have stars in my eyes for at least one cat out there. i really hope i don't come across poorly by admitting who she is. and even more i hope i don't make thing's awkward, but in favour of the post, the cute little kitty's name is

five. onto the fifth topic already, and already i have told more than i had intended to. what more could there possibly be to me that isn't mundane or just plain altogether boring? i like to cook. this kind of falls into the romantic at heart thing, but i believe this deserves it's own category simply because whether it is to impress and spoil someone special, or simply satisfy the hunger of my friends and i, it is something i enjoy doing. i love doing fancy dishes more than i do simple platters, but sometimes, its the simple platters that turn out the best. my favourite base foods to work with? shrimp, potatoes, and chicken. favourite spices? dill, garlic, and onion.

even the definition of music is quite a loose term. noises that are put together in pleasing rythms? leaves quite a bit of room for interpretation as to what is music, and what is simply just wasted energy, but when it comes to my decision of what is music, and what is noise, i'm most fond of classical music, and old love songs. the kind of music you would find Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, and Dean Martin singing. on the other side though, i cant stand rap, or R&B. pop is a very iffy thing. most of it i find to be garbage, but if there's a catchy beat you wont hear me complaining.

fursuiting: i have no fursuit, but i would dearly love to have one some day. unfortunately i cant afford at the moment. the suit i would want is one heck of an investment at 2-3' green pile for the shortest peices, and longer if i can get my hands on it for many other parts. of the proposed design. as much as i want to be walking in the fursuit parades, that is something to be waiting a few more years before even the ideas see the light of day.

My fursona is a green dragon mixed with a blue husky. two separate fursonas i had used to describe myself earlier in life, that i came to pull together when i had finally discovered who i was as a person- furry and human both. the green dragon was originally modeled after puff the magic dragon, who's song i had loved so much as a child, and the husky was a part of me i had for a long time believed to be a spirit watching over me. when i merged them, i wanted to keep my image as true to my belief of who i am as much as possible, so when i sent the commission to aleyrin, i modeled the description after Sully from monster's inc. as scary as some people think i look at times, i'm nothing more than an adorable monster.

now, i would not normally add this part, but the point seems to be continuously confused, so i kind of felt the need for it. as much as some people may not believe it. i am straight. more than that, i love the natural art and beauty of the female body. i truely do believe that whatever divine force is out there is female, because whoever it was, knew exactly what they were doing. both asthetically and practically, females are better than males, with two exceptions. first, i'm sure anyone reading this knows what happens and i dont need to list it, and the second reason is that us males can write our names in the snow!

And for the last of the ten points about myself, my “american dream” is to be successful in my endeavour at college, to become a respiratory therapist, to have myself a small house in the suburbs, and have a family. I know it’s not very creative, nor is it really setting high dreams, but it’s what I want. I’m not looking to be remembered long after I pass away, nor am I looking to be the next multi-millionaire. I’d like to travel, but more than anything, I just want something to call my own. To say I am a part of, to share with others, and feel like an important
part of it.

oh, and the kitty is