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Moving~
General | Posted 9 years ago
As some of you that read a few journals I posted not too long ago know, Lee and I were looking for a place to move because we have been having a lot of problems with our room mates.
Luckily it sounds like we found a place, I had been holding off on saying anything on here until I knew for sure, but it sounds like we will be moving in about a week.
We found a couple around our age that seem like they are looking forward to us moving in, they are both really nice, and into the same types of stuff we are, not to mention they are up later at night so I wont have to panic about moving around at night as much.
Not to mention rent will be cheaper for us, which is a bit of a relief.
I'm not sure exactly what day we will be moving, I will post a journal when I know for sure though, because I will be away from my computer while I pack up and move everything over.
Aside from that, I still have one commission spot open~
One Commission Spot Open~ Any Type
General | Posted 9 years ago
I have 1 spot open again, if you want the spot send me a note~
One Commission Spot Open~ Any Type
General | Posted 9 years ago
I have one commission spot open right now, I need to make at least $40 so I'm only open for a spot that is atleast that much
Please send me a note if you are interested in taking this spot~
Updates
General | Posted 9 years ago
Hey guys
So things have started looking up a bit lately.
I have been looking for a new place to live for a while now and had about given up hope, but yesterday I had 2 different places contact me, and both sound really promising. Both want a room mate to move in on the first and both around around my age and stay up late at night, which sounds great.
We still don't really have the money to move because we have to pay this month's rent at our current place, then will have to pay rent at the new place. I am still $40 short on rent this month and don't have any spots open for commissions, so I am stressing and scrambling trying to get things done so I can make that last little bit for rent.
Gunna have to do a sale or something if I can find the time.
My schedule has been so crazy it's been wearing me out bad. We wake up, I do Lee's laundry, make him breakfast, lay his clothes out, and clean. Drop him off at work, come home, clean some more, work on commissions a bit, then go get him from work. Make him lunch, then immediately drive him to work again. By the time I get home I have to get as much work done on commissions as I can before 3 am, when I have to make him some food and drive it to his work for his lunch break, then I come home, work on commissions as much as I can before it's time to make dinner, go pick him up, we eat, then pass out around 7:30 am.
This is EVERY day.
On our days off I finally get to sit and do nothing, still making meals and cleaning, but it seems like nothing compared to every other day.
Our 2nd anniversary is on Monday, which I am so happy that he got time off from both jobs for it. But we are going to view these houses on Monday to see if either of them will be a good fit for us. I am crossing my fingers that one will, although I will have to pack and move us all by myself.
Regardless, a little less stress from room mates would be a welcome change, things have still been very tense here.
I told them last night we are going to look at a couple of places, they suddenly felt all bad and were like, "well you can stay here as long as you want to!" pft. whatever.
Also! I finally got skype working on my computer and phone again, there was an update that fixed my login issue, so that's a plus.
Anyways, not much more going on here, just working away trying to open a spot so I can finally pay rent and stop worrying about it~
Hope everyone is doing well!
One Commission Spot Open~ Any Type
General | Posted 9 years ago
I have 1 commission spot open now
Any type~
Send me a note if you would like to claim the spot
Can't Get Into Skype
General | Posted 9 years ago
Just as a heads up to everyone, I can't sign into skype for some reason, so if we normally talk on there, it isn't working
Drama at Home~ Part 2
General | Posted 9 years ago
Lee tried to talk to our (more or less, calm) room mate last night, which is the woman's boyfriend. He has been fed so many lies about us that he was trying to tell Lee to seek help for his anger issues.
Lee is one of the most laid back people I have ever met.
I am angry, completely just... angry.
This woman will smile to your face then talk crap about you behind your back, apparently this has been going on for months now, she tried to claim her family is afraid to come around here because of Lee, even though her family is ALWAYS here, and when they are we, don't even go around them.
She is just making up crap now.
We are looking into apartments, but even with Lee working 2 jobs, and me doing commissions, we don't have enough money to pay for application fees or the cost of moving.
Our room mates want us out as soon as possible.
I was told by a few watchers that I should set up a Gofundme page to try to get help with moving costs, but honestly I don't like the way that site works.
So if anyone would like to help us out with moving costs and stuff, it would be better just to go through paypal.
I am working on a YCH, and continuing work on commissions so I can try to get enough money for us to get out of here.
I am so stressed right now I don't even know what to do.
I went downstairs and they are all just telling me good morning and acting like nothing happened.
I HATE when people are nice to your face then talk crap about you behind your back, it is one of the biggest things that I hate.
Anyways, I have 1 commission spot still open, I hate asking for money, but like I said, if anyone wants to help out I have a paypal, or perhaps spreading this around? I dunno, my mind is so scattered right now I can't even think.
Drama at home~ Looking for a new place to live
General | Posted 9 years ago
I am going to start out by saying I am a very quiet person, I stay in my room, stay to myself, only leave my room to use the restroom, and I grew up with a very strict stepdad that slept super light, so I always shut doors quietly (even during the day)
Last night my room mate was having issues sleeping, and as always, when she can't sleep, I get blamed. I turn on the fan in the bathroom as sort of white noise so she can't hear my tv, because although at night it is so low, I can hardly hear it, she still comes pounding on my door telling me to turn it down. So I had the fan on, like I always do at night, been doing it for MONTHS, every night. She kept waking up and stomping her way by my door and turning it off, so I left it alone. Went and took a bath and forgot to turn it off again, there she goes stomping by my door again to turn it off. This fan is NOT loud.
So I'm making breakfast this morning, and her boyfriend (probably the most relaxed sweetest person I have ever met) comes up to me and quietly asks me to not turn the fan on anymore. I tell him I'm sorry and agree. Although I don't understand WHY I accept it and tell him no problem.
Lee comes home and in passing I mention I got in trouble over the fan last night (he asked how the night went and I told him Rose was up and down all night so he asked if I had turned the fan on so I wasn't bothering her)
He calmly walks downstairs to suggest we move into the room downstairs so we are further away from her, making it so there would be less noise.
Seems reasonable right?
She FLIPS out at him yelling at him telling him she is afraid of him because of his "anger issues" and the fact that he has yelled at me, and yelled at her grand kids, and starts making up all this crap that isn't even true. Tells him I am slamming doors at night, turning the tv up all the way, ect.
She went off on him like this for about 20 minutes right after he got off work from his second job. When he apologised and said he didn't remember ever yelling at her grankids or anything she starts flipping out yelling "YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!" over and over again.
This came out of no where. I mean we knew she didn't like us much just because she is always complaining about small stupid stuff (mainly noise) even though she just has bad insomnia and just kinda blames it on everyone else.
Needless to say, I am afraid to leave my room now, and even in my room I am afraid to make any noise, turn on my tv, music, anything. I'm sitting here in total silence trying to be as quiet as possible typing because she even complained about hearing my computer at one point (from down the hall and behind 2 closed doors).
I can't be in total silence, I need something to occupy my mind because I hear things, and it gets way worse when I'm by myself. It actually really affects me in a HUGE way.
I am just all nervous now.
Lee suggested we look for a new place to live, but we can't afford a apartment. We are paying $500 a month in rent here, and that is all we can afford. Apartments around here are around $800 a month. We would basically have to find another room to rent and hope the next room mates are less nutty than her.
I dunno what to do really, I'm just kinda sitting here trying to figure things out now.
Really stressed.
20% OFF Daytime Bust and Half Body Quick Commissions
General | Posted 9 years ago
Realizing that my phone isn't great, and has been having issues lately that I had been ignoring, not to mention with the release of Pokemon Go which I had been very excited about, Lee and I decided it is time for me to save up and buy a new phone. I saw some android phones on Amazon for right around $100 or so, so I am going to try to save up and get one.
Lee has a second job now and I find myself with about 3-4 hours a day that is my "ME" time (not time I normally work on commissions) but I am alone and bored, so I figured I would do a quick sale to try to get the money together for a new working phone!
I am offering 20% off bust and half body commissions (flat or full color) these will be done during the daytime when I wouldn't normally be working on commissions (so they will not interfere with normal commissions) and because of this time frame I will not be offering WIPs, I will be doing them in a pose that I choose. You may tell me your character's personality and such, but the pose will be up to me. I will not be offering full backgrounds on these, just a single color backdrop, you call see the example below to see what you will be getting
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19160909/
I am expecting a fairly quick turnover on these as I will be working on them during the day, I will end this sale when I feel I have filled enough spots, some will be done today, if they are not done by today, I will do them in order over the next few days.
Send me a note if you would like to order one, I will have you fill out a very short form so I will have all of the info together for your character~
Irrational Fears~ Cars
General | Posted 9 years ago
I have been pretty terrified of cars since I was a teenager.
I was in a bad accident with my brother driving when I was 16, we hit a wall going about (the police told us) 83 mph, and for years every time I closed my eyes I would see that wall coming at me, I would feel that pain, I would feel the wind knocked out of me, I would see the ambulance. It has always terrified me.
As an adult this has affected me so much that I didn't get my licence until I was 21, and for about 4 years after that, I didn't drive, I could hardly be a passenger, because my anxiety would get so bad as soon as I climbed in the car I would always have a panic attack, even when going slow.
After I met Lee, he slowly started helping me through this fear, I was ok to be a passenger, and slowly he even taught me how to drive an automatic. I got to the point where in an automatic, my anxiety was so low it just didn't bother me as much.
A month ago my big brother, Russell, gave me a car. He dropped it off here and I was terrified because it was a manual transmission. I had to work so hard to be able to drive an automatic, the idea of MORE to focus on while driving scared me so bad every time I looked at the car sitting there, I would almost break down in tears.
Lee just recently got a second job, telling me he didn't want me working because he wants me to continue pursuing my dreams of art as a career. He has always been so supportive. But he was riding his bike to both of his jobs, and I could see how exhausting that was to him. There was a working car sitting right there, I was legal to drive it, but my fears stopped me every time.
On Wednesday I finally called my mom and asked her to come teach me how to drive the car. I couldn't just sit here and watch Lee work that hard and be all on his own, I needed to do something to at least help. She came over and walked me through it, and spent 3 hours teaching me everything she could.
I was finally able to drive the car without killing it. I was so excited, I HAD to show Lee. I waited for him to get home, and suggested we go get some energy drinks from the store, exhausted he didn't want to ride the bike, so I told him to get in the car, and surprised him by driving us up there.
Now I face another irrational fear.
We have a main road going through our city, with a lot of cars and stuff. I HATE being around other cars, if I could take the back road everywhere I would, but Lee's second job is on that main road, so there is no way around it.
I am trying so hard to get past this, but every time I come close to that main road, it's like I hit that wall again. I panic, I can't breath, it's like I got the air knocked out of my lungs again.
I know it will pass with time and practice, but I don't have the time to wait.
I have to go pick him up from work in a few hours, which means I will be on that main road in this car I just learned how to drive.
It scares me and it shouldn't.
I need to work up some courage fast.
Pokemon GO :(
General | Posted 9 years ago
Kinda sad I can't play it
I don't have money to shell out for an android or iphone, I use a $70 windows phone, and that alone was a BIG spend for me
Wish more companies made their apps for windows phone too
I'm on Furvilla
General | Posted 9 years ago
Been dabbling on there for a few days now~
Still waiting for my painties to be accepted
My profile is >Here<
If anyone is planning on signing up you can use me as a referral and it gives me cool stuff ^^
Click here to sign up for the site
Someone Come Game With Us!
General | Posted 9 years ago
Lee and I are bored!
someone come game with us
civ 5
starcraft 2
wow (we can start a new character)
one of those
come play!
3 Commission Spots Open
General | Posted 9 years ago
Any type except complex backgrounds
Only thing I am not taking at the moment~
Still taking plain color backgrounds and textured backgrounds
Send me a note if you would like to claim a spot~
2 Commission Spots Open Small Sale
General | Posted 9 years ago
I have 2 commission spots open right now
I am offering 2 half body full color commissions
$45 each, they come with a colored background.
I will choose the pose based off of your character's personality
Wanting to do dynamic poses.
Examples below
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20389763/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20078831/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19594116/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19347527/
I will not be offering WIPs on these, as I plan on just working through.
You let me know if you want SWF or NSFW
Extra charges may apply for clothing and wings
send me a note if you are interested in a slot
Another Account
General | Posted 9 years ago
For those of you that want to see the art that I have of my characters, you can see it here
The Problem With Working For Yourself With Mental Illness.
General | Posted 9 years ago
Before I say anything, I want to say, I do not use my mental illness as an excuse for any of my actions. I realize that none of this is anyone's fault but my own.
That being said...
There is a big problem with working for yourself when you are Bipolar. I have my manic episodes that last about 2 months or so, then I usually go into a depressive state for another month or 2. During my manic episodes I work hard, I get things done. I am overly creative. The ONLY thing I can think about is art. I will be laying in bed relaxing and I have not an urge to draw, but a NEED to draw. I feel uncomfortable if I am not working. I hallucinate often, not only hearing things, but seeing things too. I am in a great mood, I'm not sleeping, I am just working. I feel confident enough to take on new projects, and I complete them fast. Aside from the hallucinations, it is fantastic, it FEELS fantastic.
Then like running into a brick wall, I wake up in the morning, feeling numb. Feeling like I can't do anything, I can't even focus enough to make myself a PB&J sandwich. I am constantly tired, I am afraid to take on new commissions, and the ones I have just sit there. It's not like I don't try to work on them. I try SO hard to work. I sit down and stare at a blank screen, sketch something out, then erase it. The sketch alone takes me about twice as long as normal, then I erase it because it's crap. I have unfinished projects sitting there, people noting me wondering where their art is, and I am AFRAID to check my messages. I'm not talking like, "ew I dont wanna reply" I am talking like, full on panic attack when I see a note. It is because I know I am letting people down even though I am trying so hard to finish things. This just makes me sad.
I have hit that second part.
I have been working all night, sketching and re-sketching, fell asleep holding my tablet pen, woke up in a panic because the sound of a large dog growling right next to my ear sent me into a anxiety attack. Paced around the room, got some coffee, then sat back down to try and work again.
I don't know what to do. I am on medication to try to help, and although it felt like it was, when I hit this depressed stage I feel worthless. I know it will pass and I will feel amazing again, but not soon enough. My doctor won't give me anything for it besides what I am already taking. They don't care that my work is suffering.
Lee doesn't understand either, he often gets angry when I am not working because we need the money.
He tries to understand but he gets frustrated, which makes me feel worse.
I just hate that it is taking so long to do things. I'm not doing other stuff, I am trying to draw, nothing comes out, or it is coming out so slow that I feel like I accomplished nothing all night, then people have to wait longer for their stuff to be finished.
I am hoping something changes soon, because I can't handle doing this much longer. It makes me scared.
Updates
General | Posted 9 years ago
First off I would like to let everyone know that commissions are closed, I have decided to not fill that last spot until I get most, if not all, of my current commissions finished.
I have been working hard on your commissions, and I'm sorry to those of you that have been waiting a while, I had a few deadlines I needed to meet, and have had quite a few doctor appointments in the last few weeks.
I have not forgotten about your commissions and I will get them finished as soon as possible.
As an update on personal life
I have been in and out of the doctor like crazy, had a total med change, which didn't agree with me at all, then another med change which I am now getting used to. The medication I was put on is a sedating one, which leaves me feeling groggy, spacey, and dizzy.
I am told it will go away over a bit of time, so I am waiting it out right now.
It sucks, I don't like it, but I was told it should help with the hallucinations, which had gotten a lot worse lately.
As a side note I was told to try to avoid as much stress as I can. I dunno what kind of world that doctor lives in where you can avoid stress because I am always stressed about everything, but they told me that is probably why the hallucinations were more frequent and violent in nature.
Aside from that I have been doing better the past few days, can't say I haven't had ANY, but I think it may be helping a bit to make it less frequent.
1 Commission Spot Open~ Any Type
General | Posted 9 years ago
Just like the title says
I have 1 spot open, any type
Send me a note to claim it
please don't claim it in the comments or fill out the form before noting me ^^
Took some days off
General | Posted 9 years ago
I just wanted to let everyone know that I have taken some days off, Lee got a couple of days off from work and I decided to do the same so I could spend some time with him, today is our last relax day, then it will be back to work again tomorrow
Collab or Trades?
General | Posted 9 years ago
I want to do a collab or trade with someone between commissions.
If anyone is interested, leave a comment ^^
Show me examples, if you wanna trade, are you wanting to do flats? Full colors? if you wanna do a collab, what parts do you wanna do? YCH or something personal for us?
Let me know ^^ I'm gunna leave this journal up for a bit so people can post ^^
Updates
General | Posted 9 years ago
Well my brother brought me my new car tonight
it's exciting yet terrifying for me, I have a fear of driving cars, which for the most part I was over when driving an automatic, but this isn't an automatic and I dont know how to drive it, so it's kinda scary for me, but my brother gave me a quick 5 minute lesson, and I figured tonight when there are no cars driving through the neighborhood I would drive it around and try to figure it out.
Killed it 2 out of the 4 times I tried to make it go, so I guess I'm off to an ok start! lol
I am trying to stay positive about it ^^
My nephew is graduating from High school this week, which is exciting, but again, saddening, just because I remember changing that boy's diapers when he was an infant, back when he was all cute and less moody, it should be fun to go see him for his graduation party though, I am super proud of him, and kinda sad I don't get to see him more than I do.
Aside from that not a lot is going on just working hard to get these commissions done~
CLOSED!
General | Posted 9 years ago
Got 1 commission spot open for whoever wants it ^^
Accepting any type~
Send me a note if you would like to claim it
1 Commission Spot Open~ Any Type
General | Posted 9 years ago
Says it in the title ^^
I have 1 spot open right now, send me a note to claim it.
Freaking Starving
General | Posted 9 years ago
Getting frustrated.
Our money comes in on the 8th (2 days) and we have no food in the house -.-
I dunno what to do, I'm hungry
