Well my mom's insurance are being totally douchebags but I can secure my place for 6 more months so w00t and got a roommate so I'll be good there. . Got a roommate so that helps secure that place longer. That and the landlord is wanting to sell it it in 3 years time and willing to work with me so a bloody plus.

I was hoping for being able to secure the house for a year but we have hopes that in 6 months working on making it permanent so fingers crossed.

Lately I've been feeling like shit due to all this but a certain fox has been my light and very happy we are getting to know each other better.

All in all I should be bald by all this stress but managing to find ways out.... let's hope it stays like that


Love y'all

So for us bloody wankers of the USA Thanksgiving is over....I had a great holiday with my relatives...honestly thought depression would hit me and I'd not go. But found the strength and actually had a good time.

Still feel weird asking for house related gifts for Christmas to friends and family but hey they ask what do you want.....I respond with what I need LoL

As for new years looking forward to spending it with awesome furries.


Just hope I can get this while house crap sorted and secure my current place for one more year.

So today at work a coworker starts chatting by my desk talking about how she wished she had the complete Harry Potter movies which reminded me I had them, the went into how she was into the series Once Upon a Time, which was a series I watched with my mom. Normally I'm just eh but at that moment I wanted to scream "shut up, I can't stand hearing this". So got up and went outside for a cig...started to feel like shit....but then realized "Ok watched those things I've seen with my mom but they shouldn't bring tears but warm memories"

Thankfully I find sanity when it hits the fan....just starting to hate the fact that a TV show or movie hits me like that.

I'm so used to death....but so unfamiliar handling it. I honestly feel bad feeling the way I do....I am normally the stable one but sometimes I feel so horrible that I'm thinking more of what I lost then my mother's death and it makes me feel like a jackass but then I think....death is common in my family we understand and know they are in a better place so of course I feel this way I learned to deal with loss but not loosing virtually everything on top of someone you hold dear.

Once again life throws another curve ball my way.

So lately I've been alone at home and started thinking...... a lot of my friends have mates....hell some started spawning lol....and I thought if I had a mate it would be a shit ton better...but then I go further into that thought and think would it.....would someone be able to handle the crap I deal with daily.

I mean seriously I'm trying to keep calm with the insurance....lost everything which sometimes hits me badly and then I think....you know when drunk at a party someone gets too drunk....I'm the first on the scene....when a friend is in need I'm there.....honestly if I'm able to drop all my shit and help...I'm sure there is a mate out there for me.....just have to remain calm and know when it happens it'll happen....and feeling lonely is the last I need to feel....so fuck it and deal with my current life and don't add to it.

I got great friends and family I can go to so instead of longing for a mate...I wait for it to be and stick with the awesome people I have now in my life, because they are there for me.

To which I love them all :)

And this was another dive into how my mind calculates LoL

So my super awesome Brother in Law got the insurance to extended the rental/furniture rental to the end of this year.

Yeah they are dragging their feet on personal property loss which is holding up the estate and allowing me to secure a place permanently. In which now they are looking into it and extended my temp living expensive.

So good news....just can't wait till all this is over.

Also, my neighbors are huge Disney fans.....their Halloween decorations are nothing but Mickey...which my mom was a big Mickey fan..... makes me smile that even though she is gone Mickey still follows me.

So far things are looking good.....still expecting another downfall....the way life is this year it's good followed by hell......here's to 2013 to being my year LoL

So my sister told me...she is pregnant . I'm so floored over it.

Soon I'll be an uncle :)

WOW so had a get together with some friends who couldn't attend FAU and guess who shows up
.......non other but the head Cockroach himself Uncle Kaage...... so made my get together epic and even better and he brought over some bloody good Sake. So have to put together a thank you basket for him next AC.
Still floored my first official party had Kage in it.

So I'm doing better....had a great dream where I decided to call out like I was going to do the day of the fire and my mom survived..... only to wake up here.

It screwed my weekend but eh....it can't be changed right....

Got a levy on my account a bit back.....a card my mom had issued it that we didn't know about, yeah stupid me for not closing out that account but getting that settled and bouncing back. I got my own account now and the only thing to really do is secure a place to live. I'm hopeful and hope it goes smoothly......I need that now.

But doing good....I'm surviving

Sometimes I feel I'm forever destined to be alone and is that so bad really.....I have the love of friends and family......but really I feel it's not enough. Still wish I knew how I froze my heart so long ago.....this void I feel is so painful. Sometimes I see horrible people with someone and think why are they lucky then I think that's life.

Maybe I need this pain....who knows but always feel bad that I feel this way.

Well things where looking good and then BAM shit happened.

Got a Levy on my bank account it was one of my mom's cards......I never removed her name from the account and those bastards neglected to inform us. Apparently it was informed before the fire so all documents where burned. My Brother-in-Law is working on fixing it so I might get the $8,000 back, but he told me to not hope on it. Have no gas....luckily went food shopping before the levy.....just WTF Life..

Just wish I knew about this before than Eric (brother-in-law) would work with them....I spent this whole weekend worrying about if it was my debt then I'd have to give up Zorg because my credit would be to bad to buy a place or rent a place with a backyard.

Hopefully I can keep her......but now I'm trying to figure out how to make combustible lemons to burn life's house down.

Once a long time ago I decided to freeze my heart......for 7 years I didn't care about being single I was fine, I met a girl and we falled in love and then it went south and i refroze my heart......for a while I was good then hit a huge funk two mouths later found a wonderful Furry he was awesome and once again it went south......but since then I couldn't freeze my heart.....it pains and hungers for love. I a actually got it frozen again and then I lost my mom.

I think I'm destined to forever feel alone and be mateless just wish i could refreeze it......but maybe I should feel this. It sucks....but I've noticed even though I'm single the empty void I feel is less painful when with friends.

So to everyone that feels this way remember there is the love you feel from a mate but the love you get from friends and family is ten times better. For they will always be there for you.

I right now feel alone but know my friends and family are there.

Just had someone call my mom Anti-gay because she believes in civil union-ships equal to marriage. Yes my mom was conservative, yes she felt that marriage definition shouldn't (at this time) be changed but an equal civil union-ship should be allowed for the rights of the GLBT community.

She wasn't anti gay and to tell me that she was and "If I told her I was gay, it would make her understand equal-rights"......you're lucky you are not saying that in person....because it would be your last words.

My mom supported gay rights she just felt at this time gay marriage would put a lot of people off and allowing Equal rights without classifying it as marriage would be the best avenue.

SO PISSED OFF....I want to BITCH-SLAP This person until they are red in the face.

Welp so far today is awesome....still feel blah though but being around all the Furries and meeting old friends is really great and helping me out and i don't feel upset anymore YAY!!!!!

Hopefully this will last....one thing that really made me happy was I got the fursuit badge this year w00t!!!!

I feel bad because I want to be alone tonight and so many people want me to hang out.......guess I'll bite the bullet and hang out....but really I just want to curl up and sleep

Today has been great a lot better then yesterday. Hung out with my friends I still feel bad....trying not to be all gloomy but didn't expect to feel so bad here but it opened a lot of memories and i don't want to be the party pooper.

But...luckily I'm better and having a great time now.

Welp I made it in yesterday, I really hope to have a good time.....sadly I am already in a funk.....was outside having a cig and remembered how I always hate the first night back home, which reminded me of how my mom would ask me how it went. So then started to think of everything that happened so i decided to get something to eat and the place had CNN on....which made me think more of my mom (she was heavy into politics). So if you see me here a hug would be nice and whiskey would be nicer lol (J/K....but it is true LoL)

I try to escape and have a good time and memories haunt me. Let's hope I can have a good time, I think the more I'm with friends the better I'll be.

So I have a friend drawing the new and improved Wolf-Max (probably just Max going on) since I lost that suit in the fire gonna save up and get a new one.

Changes to him are as follows:
Color - he's no longer Black & White he's now blue, Yellow & green.
symbols - his face patterns changed and has a new symbol on his back.
Attributes - his demon side is more shown w00t

I am hoping after the all the hell that struck me gets situated I can start saving up.

Also got back into the house my Great Great Grandfather's WW1 Sword has been retrieved. It has water damage but glad to get that. I was able to get to Anemos' head that I was working on. It is intact but since my room suffered water damage it has mold :(

I'm slowly piercing my life back together and getting back on solid ground. I'm still wishing this is a nightmare but know better.

Been getting things done...and have to say I'm loving my temporary place....hopefully I can keep it when the insurance stops paying....it's perfect for Zorg and me....let's hope I can get some awesome roommates ='Þ

My sister tells me everything will be ok....I just hope she isn't telling me that to make me feel better.


Gotta get my finances in check after that I'd be fine.

Once again I want to thank everyone who has been supportive to me during this time. I'm hopeful that everything will work out. If not I got all you guys being nice to me and my family.

as of course I'll keep y'all informed as things progress.

So Wednesday I move into my temporary new home in Holmes, PA.....I don't know if I'm ready to be a PA Fur.....LoL

I'm very excited and at the same time upset I really don't want to say goodbye to the home I grew up in this way...but am hopeful in what will be. I never expected this to be the reason I leave home but I guess we all never really know what's to come.

I'll have my Mom's and Dad's ashes with me so I'll never truly be alone that and I'll have my dog Zorg and hopefully soon Wolverine (which my sister us taking care off until I get used to everything.

Once again thanks for the support guys

Well I'm doing as good as I can be right now. Got to see my room looks like no fire damage, small smoke damage and a lot of water damage and a good amount of my stuff was destroyed when my ceiling crashed down....hopefully I can find out what is good and what is bad soon.

I know my wolf-max, parts of Vrewháss fursuits are ruined, and the Anemos head I was working on is probably now scrap (couldn't see it due to the BIG chunk of ceiling covering my bed area). Luckily Ta-Quoe was in it's bin and in my car so that one is safe. I was going to get a remake of Wolf-Max anyway, I was close to getting it too, but looks like that may not happen for a long time now. Oh well I at least got my Skunk Fursona.

They got my laptop out and it's no good so have a new one now. w00t!!! Of course I felt bad since my room was a mess....I was going to go in myself, but they told me it wasn't safe.

Still in the hotel, I'm hoping come Wednesday the house that the insurance is renting is ready for me to move into. It's real nice I wouldn't be able to afford it on my own after the insurance stops paying it, but my sis is hoping I can either find a nice place to rent or get roommates. I have about a year to get that settled though.

So I'm going to be living in Holmes, PA for a while, which is good I have some close friends who live in that area, in fact one is walking distance too, so that's great. Also closer to work and DE so I shouldn't have an issue going to the Furbowls.

The one thing that sucks is....no matter where I go I still smell that fire smell a friend said her friend went through a similar event and for years they smelled the same thing everywhere they went.

I'll try to keep everyone updated, once again thanks for all the posts and stuff, it really helped me pull through some tough times in this past week.

I love you guys, you're all awesome

We found my cat Wolverine....she is okay. I'm so happy she made it. I know my mom would be thrilled that I have Zorg and Wolverine to keep me company.

On the same day....my insurance found a place with a yard so hopefully it's nice and come next week I'll have a place with my pets and start getting back to getting my life back on track.

My Mom's services is tomorrow (Thursday) and I know she is glad that things are finally falling in place for me.

Hopefully come Friday I'll have a new laptop and start getting my files and everything restored.....I'm so relieved right now.

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. It looks like I'm on my way to solid ground. I just hope it stays going good.

If anyone really wants to help me out please make a donation to the ASPCA in memory of Darlene Starrett. If it weren't for the the reunion with my dog Zorg and me would never happen and was one of my Mom's favorite charitable donations. I'd also like to see the Red Cross get aid as well since they helped me out with a hotel, clothes and food.

I was talked to about by some local furs and my job in helping me out so that is great....if you do not attend the Furststate Furbowl and want to do something then the donations to ASPCA & Red Cross in memory of my Mom would be helpful since they aided me in my time of need.

I want to thank everyone who has given me so many kind words. Yesterday I couldn't take it at all and reading all the replies and posts from everyone has made this more bearable. You are all too kind and instead of tears of pain I have tears of joy from all the kind words. This community means a lot to me and has opened me up so much and today I feel so blessed to see this wave of sympathy that is overflowing from so many of you guys in this community. Yesterday I felt alone and lost...today I know now I'm not.

Tomorrow we are going back to the house with the insurance claims adjuster and going over the damage and loss. I'm going to see my room for the first time....I have no clue what damage has been done in there but the support of my family and the wonderful posts from here will keep me strong.

I also can't wait to see my dog Zorg again....we hope the insurance can set me up in a temporary housing that allows pets so she can be with her family again.

I want to thank all of you guys who sent me kind words and I'll post an update soon. Let's hope everything goes smoothly and the worse is behind me.

Once again thank you so much for all the kind words, it really means a lot to me and my family

I was hoping today would be a bad dream but it's not. Last night there was a fire at my house and my mom didn't make it. In one night I lose everything. I have so many calls to make and so little time so if you read this before you get to hear from me personal I'm sorry.

I really just want to go home but I can't....the Red Cross got me a. hotel room and some cloth and food so I'm OK and my sister is going to help me with insurance and all that stuff relating to the house and all. But I'm fine just have no laptop and well its just my phone and whatever I had in the car.


Plus side is my dog made it and my sis is looking for a place for her till I find a place.

Happy Easter everyone....hope it's a great one for my friends

Probably won't be online for a bit. Something horrible happened