How dare you touch star treck. keep your filthy directors mits off my Sci fi......;-; I feel so hollow and violated now.....YOU MAY HAVE DONE LOST AND ARAMGEDON BUT CLOVERFIELD PROVES YOU DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO HANDLE STAR TRECK!!!!!! how could you.....i garuntee you if gene rodenberry was here he'd hang up teh pacifist gloves and deffend his creation like a mother......well nothing, hed defended it with teh ferocity of a meth head who just found out his next hit of meth comes from teh blood viens of teh guy across from him. WE WILL NEVER SUPPORT YOU FOR THIS ABRAMS!!!! LONG LIVE WHOEVER DIRECTED RATH OF KAHN!!!!! I HOPE TEH SERIES ENDING OF LOST TURNS OUT TO BE REALLY STUPID...T_T...I'm sorry, I didnt mean that....I just....Mike I dont feel well.....

well, I've noticed I havent updated my mood thing on here in a long time. I suppose that would be a problem if it werent for teh fact taht it really does feel like thats ben teh overall feel I've had for teh past..............forever. I get to talk to alot of folks here online. someof them not as much as I would want, but in real life.......I'm really really lonley. I just cant wait to get this damn job. its gonna change everything, I'll be able to get away fromt eh problems taht I'm powerless to deal with. I'll also be able to stop alot of this stupidity (mom, learn to use your own god damn toaster oven)

so, even though I'm talking to folks online, I think this really fits

well, got the interview done. I really gotta rest now. As usual, I'm not even home an hour and I'm being fussed at. so I'm gonna just relax, try to take it easy. its all down hill from here.

ok, I just cant keep this to mysef anymore. My anime club might have found the opposite to "for great justice". I doubt anyone has ever seena show called "love pheremone" but its sorta messed up. sorta. Anyway, teh show is broken up into two ten minute bits. The first bit is about these wo calling themselves love pheremone who are comedians and crime fighters. They fight for justice but are evil......yeah, for instance, a great example was taht there were bank robbers holding up a bank and they had a hostage they were threatening to kill if anyone came close. teh police were trying to negotiate but when they arived on teh scene teh police ran for teh hills and the robbers threatened to kill the hostage saying "dont you care about teh hostage" to which they reply "not at all". they then went on to destroy a city block and have very delusinal (but not graphic) day dreams about molesting little kids of both genders........

anyway, on to teh good part. the second part features a group of five girls who are all sisters. They're evil but they do good deeds. See, their dad was one of those nameless grunts in an evil army. like you know how in james bond movies when they get inside teh villans lair they have tons of guys without name tags walking around doing mundane things. he was that. so anyway, his dying request is taht his daughter be evill but that they get to a higher rank then he did. not that hard since he was like lowest on the totem pole. so, they find this jar marekd dont open till you're 18 and open it. out pos a well taned demon in a sexy outfit and off tehy go with magic powers trying to do evil. a good example is from teh first episode. They decide to go to a flood victum shelter and wipe everyone out. so they combine their powers for evil and produce a hot and delicous warm soup by accident. everyone looks so hungrey they decide to share it as opposed to continuing to try and be evil

so, teh phrase comes from teh second thing, as teh girls dad is laying on teh bed, weakly he turns to them, his mask still on and says something about how he wishes he could have been higher ranked. he sasy to them to fullfill his dying request, "be exellent evil"......I'm gonna see if I can get taht on a T shirt now

How old do you feel?
10 ....it sucks

Okay, now how old are you really?
21 ;-;

Where were you on September 11th, 2001?
highschool drafting class

Do you have any idea what the meaning of life is?
probably either a glass of apple juice or a cup of tea

What is your favorite thing to cook?
fried shrimp

You have a dollar, what do you buy?
I wouldnt, I'd save it

What is the youngest age you have memories of?
age 6 or so

Have you ever given a drink to the garbage men?
I've never known a garbage man

Alive or dead, if you could meet anyone right now, who would it be?
Budah.......what?

Who's been the most influential person in your life?
Lenin

Any new crushes?
Not nessecarily new per say

Liked anyone younger than you?
I'm a guy, wudya think?

Last time you were outside?
;-; like 2 months ago. I dont count walking out to my car or walking in a parking lot

Do you like poptarts?
brown sugar ones are best

Can you look at a burning candle without wanting to play with the wax?
Nope, I love how it runs

Do you wear wifebeaters?
actully I'm wearing one right now

If you could get locked in a store for a night, what would it be?
a very large book store

Ever eaten a dozen donuts?
two dozen actully <<

What's your favorite curse word?
shit

Have you ever attempted to read the bible?
never really had the want to

Do you like the beach?
I hate it, I cant go out into teh watter without it hurting my feet and teh sea cridders freaking me out

Would you rather be deaf or blind?
deaf

Lays; Can you eat just one?
nope, cause I get sick afterwards

Where is the farthest you've ever been away from home?
uhh, around 200 miles

What's your computer's wallpaper?
the moon, I'm trying to figure out how to get teh mouse to howl

If you could pick a movie to live in, what movie would it be?
Maybe fightclub, see what its like after those buildings go

Have you ever intentionally thrown food at someone?
no

Do you believe in God?
not really

Have you ever broken a bone?
nope, had too much calcium as a kid for tehm to break

Have you ever slammed your finger in a door?
no

What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten, but actually liked?
aligator

What's the longest you've gone without talking to one of your friends after getting in a fight?
well............youd have to have ultra good friends first

What's your favorite book?
Storm of Iorn

Do you know how to change a tire?
Yeah.......I do fix stuff for a living after all

Would you consider yourself a nerd?
everyone used to

Have you ever eaten glue?
no

What was your favorite halloween costume, and from what year?
Soldier, teh hat was fun

What was your favorite toy as a kid?
legos and books

What's an essential item to your day?
uh.......I dont really have one

Would you consider yourself to be smart?
Yuppers

Could you name someone smarter than you?
nope

Do you close your eyes when listening to music, singing, or playing an instrument?
no

If you find a green or burnt potato chip in a bag, do you eat it?
wait what?

If you've ever had a favorite stuffed animal or blanket, do you still have it? Use it?
dont have eitehr

Do you curse in front of your family?
Yes actully. its often the only way to get them to listen to me

When was the last time you felt truly loved by someone?
dont really know

Name one thing you'd like to change about yourself.
my chin

Have you ever fainted?
a few times

Ever made someone slap you because you were being completely unreasonable?
No, I'm pretty reasonable


Have you ever been the cause of a car accident?
luckily no

What would you do if your power went out right now?
fart. I'm actully saving one right now. dont wanna let it out quite yet though. feels like it mght be a bad one

When was the last time it went out?
little over 6 months ago

Are you currently using any instant messaging program?
no

When was the last time you chewed gum?
yesterday

What was the last state you visited besides the one you live in?
philly

What color is the shirt your wearing right now?
grey

How old is the last person you hugged?
.....ben a long time since I last got hugged. cant remeber

Who was the last person who drove you somewhere that was under the age of 20?
????

When was the last time you consumed an alcoholic beverage? What was it?
election night. hieniken

well, tis the pain of flying standby. so, I get up at 3am, go to the air port just in time to try and catch the 6 o clock flight. Well, 6am flight was full so I was told there would be another one in 4 hours but my ticket would be cancled if I left.......yeah...4 hours in a heavy briefcase. needless to say my arms were tired but it was nice getting to know the airport beter. visited each of its concorses (set of terminals) I must say some of them were very nice. One had a chillies and there were some nice non franchise eating bars. Teh best ahd to be teh last one though, teh one for international flights. lovely art and the most uniqe stores, and many of them served apple juice. so the wait wasnt sooooo bad. got to walk and drink apple juice and read.

well, the second flight was supposed to leave at 10:45, then got pushed back to 11:00, the to 11:15, then 2pm......yeah, but, being ever optimistic I called up to see if they still wanted to meet with me even though I would be late. they did...but there was a decent chance I would have been stuck in the philly airport for the weekend.......as lovely as bumping into star at her layover to get to florida might be, on the flip side being stuck in an airport till sunday...so yeah, opted out since I had no one to stay with


so, who did this? who is to blame? the weathermen.............bastards. coulda just changed the weather with their magical screens that turn green stuff invisable.

Another thing that really pisses me off is how I'm not allowed to have any weird views or belifes these days yet everyone else gets their stupid shit. According to my mom the muslims and mexicans are both imigrating here to get into goverment and take over. the muslims want to change teh laws to chop off non muslims heads and the mexicans want to turn all women into sex slaves. and apperantly theres supposed to be a civil war between teh mexicans and muslims. and every time I say thats silly I get told I'm an idiot and that I'll see when I'm getting my head chopped off. Near everyone in the deep south thinks terrorists are gonna invade in landing crafts and gays want to do their kids. you say anything diffrent and you might soon be staring down a gun barrel. My brother says theres no such thing as a moral worth having....so how come every time I get a werid but incredibly much less harmufll belife people tell I'm I'm a complet dip shit.

And I'm not talking incredibly weird stuff. For instance, I'm not really convinced new york exsits. I mean think about it, you see manhattan and law and order but come to think of it, do you relly know anyone form new york and not just the area surrounding the supposed place? I've never met anyone from newyork and I've never flown over it, and the only stuff of it I ever see is from TV, movies, post cards, and video games.

theres supposed to be some high voltage cable that runs into the middle of the desert into nothing. is it really that bizarr to think the goverment might be doing secret stuff out there?

Why cant All those completly insane sounding folks who claim to see UFOs be employed by teh goverment to take credibility away from the real reserach? like really, theres some smart UFO folks out there who go around and take any fotage of UFOs they get and see if they can figure out a way to prove its a fake, then try to see if it matches some kind of phenominon like st. elmos fire. and at the end of the day hook their PCs up to SETI and then go make a snadwhich. and there might be a good reason for them trying to deny UFOs......the most simplist would be they just dont know what they are and dont want folks paniking that stuff keeps coming and going at liesure in our airspace.

Its really so insane and horrible to think that honor thy father and mother wasn't on the original ten commandments but written into the bible by some guy who was writting it and pissed that his kids were so wild? I mean, I've met alot of parents, and I have yet to meet one who deserved to be loved and honored just for being a parant. and of course I've seen a good number march their kids off to die in wars, use them to try and scam folks, and of course dump them in dumpsters at birth. Really? those folks are supposed to get respect teh minute teh kid pops out regardless how horrible they may be? teh kid didnt make the choice to be born. In my book, you gotta wait till at least 9 years

also, is it really that nuts to think that music making folks these days dont put all their best material on their CDs so tehy can stretch out teh number of CDs they can release?

I mean, those arent horrible things......those dont have teh implications of war, killing, death, coruption, or pure lack of morality. and yet every time I've brought those up around real folks I get slammed. It pisses me off like nothing else. Excuse me for not thinkgin that theres gonna be a racial war and teh worlds going to turn into mad max over the cickens we have in our downstairs freezer. And I'm so sorry that I'm still unsure if cats are smart or just damn lucky. I'm sorry I doubt that one day gays will have laws making them gods over us,and that I belive those damn hairs on teh underside of the soles of my shoes are actully growing there as opposed to being dropped there.

oh yeah..........this firday I've got a job interview with that place in philly again. hooray hoorah.....heres to hoping for a job.

ok.....huge news, industrial production in france is down 2% with 2 million who are unemployed. france is declaring itself in a recession........really? are you joking america? all it takes for france to declare recession is teh inability to make an extra 5,000 widgets and losses 300 jobs in one year. but here we have to have millions becoming homelss and just about all of our jobs shipped over seas before we even start talking about recession..........what the hell america?

less tehn a month to go till star turns 18...oh god, what I would do, who I would kill ot make time go faster. Dont get me wrong, I havent been acting any diffrent then I normally would, at least net wise (tad sarcastic in real life and I'm a bit ruder to folks who attack others less common views. like monks who practice patients by sweeping snow off paths during blizzards) But still, god damn I wanna talk about sex so freaking bad.....but no......laws say I cant. I can be freindly, and cuddle, and kiss, but I cant talk about screwing. do you have any idea how much porn I've downloaded in teh past week? so much that I have no clue how much it really is (sadly some of it is ultra disturbing. and I mean disturbing with a capital D) and I cant really talk about it with star....ARGHHHH!!!!!

Father time hurry the hell up or when you get old your going into an abusive retierment home. thats right, baby new year aint there for show.... I'll just keep myself busy with video games that have alot of soviet stuff in them.

well, its offical, I'm now in love with teh show familly guy. teh joke mixing toby kieth with jurrassic park did it. I've been holding out. I remeber when I was 15, staying up late to watch it back when it was on adult swim. deep in my heart, I loved it so much......but such stupid jokes......;-; I was so torn..now I must have teh DVD set. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!

seriously, I was just out and I cam backin and myhands are near frozen solid literally o its hard to type (my fingers are so stiff,damn car ac being right where my hands are on teh steerng wheel)

So anyway, got back and theres this light outside which just did something really weird. it was all fast and morphy. I think I need bed ;-;

ok, to me a holiday is supposed to be fun and great and a day of celebrating and relaxing. but you know what I've noticed? Most of these holidays suck, major fucking donkey balls. Halloween is ok, christmas is so so, but most of these piss me off and get me stressed out. heres a short list of the few I know of

Thanksgiving: freaking bite me, so we all gather round and try to eat my moms cooking and give thanks that teh first guys overe here were a punch of up tight pricks who after killing off indians decided sex was evil?.....Up yours. I freakin hate pilgrams, and if you want me at teh table to eat that crappy turkey, get better at cooking. my biggest suggestion, actully use a god damn timer and dont fall asleep and take it out 4 hours apst its cook time. its called burning it not personalizing it.

4th of july: great....freaking great. so now, not only do I live in a country with no healtcare but I aslo have to doge fucking drunks who decide its cool to chug a six pack, shoot off a bunch of dangerous fire works, and then dirve 90 miles an hour in their damn F-150s. really? so to celebrate tons of men dyng so you can have that damn beer, youu've decided to belittle them by beign a bunch of asses

valentines day: I've always been single....if you dont get it, bite me

Saint patrics day: I look crappy in green, and aperantly its ok to pinch teh crap outta someone but threaten to slug someone for doing it and their the victum

I think there should be one great holiday. I dont know what it would be called, but it would happen every 367th day. You would take teh day off work, there would be football on TV for those who want it but teh main part of this celebration is music being played in parks. beer would be sold even if its a sunday (screw you you worthless christian church, someone might actully enjoy their sunday by doing something other then church, horrors of horror) and all transit would be free. and eveyrone would get every one a present. why? not to sell stuff, but to be nice to people. thats why you should give presents out.

so, got google sketch. very nice program. Thought I'd make some maps that could be used as game levels. Of coure, first thing that came to mind was to make something for Warhammer 40K. it would be FPS obviously and I thought it would be simple enough. I used storm of iorn as my inspiration....but.....I'ts so freaking hard, i cant think of any kind of mission objectives nor how to realisticly make a level.

So,I was just in my bathroom and noticing that teh water in my toilet was hard...I mean hard as hell. stuff keeps depositing on teh bowl thats brown and looks tough. in fact, it was soo tough that I couldnt chip it away with a knife. so, something less then a MM thick thats able to blunt knifes....is there a way we could dip like, jepps in hard water . build up a good 3 inches of teh stuff and have it be missle proof?

....freaking hell..... I'll let everyone here in on a little secret, I'm prone to not sleeping well. Its not uncommon at all for my dreams to be....well a bit bleak. for instance, a fe days ago I had this nightmare about my dad killing my mom. It was actully alot more messed up then you would think, lots of insane laughing and blood. I'm just so glad there was no rape in it.

anyway, so thats not the only one but you get the idea. sleep has the potential for being very uncomtorable. Well, looks like I majorly screwed up again. I went to the mall today and having some extra money I bought two games. Grimore (made by nippon Ichi, YAY!!!!) and silet hill origins. If theres one thing that game has taught me, its locatcan scare the shit out of you better then enemies. Well, guess who lost track of time....and guess who has been playing it for 4 hours straight......and guess whos gonna have messed up dreams tonight......yup.......but hey, who knows, also played a bit of grimore. never thought I would see an anime based RTS in all my life but I have, and I'm impressed. Who nkows, maybe I'll get lucky and dream about the lesbian from that.

Well, did some reading about wolf social structure today. I think I've found my place within a pack. As it turns out, theres four postions. Alpha, Beta, Subordinate, and Omega. We all know what the alpha is, and the beta is basicly second in command. Subordinate does what the alpha and beta tells them, and omega is the low man on the totem pole who is often used as teh whipping boy of the group. In shared hate there is acceptance I supose. anyway, now, I'm a decent size, I'm also not about to follow just anything told to me. so, alpha right? nope...beta. Turns out if the pack gets tired of the alpha they chase it down and kill it. Yeah, beta sounds way better. Seeing as I dont have any big ambtions but I feel much more leader then sub, and I dont want to be chased down and killed one day for making a bad hunting choice, I'm going with beta. seriously, take alpha if you want, just gimme my choice of sbuordinate mate, my own sub group to odrder during hunting, and leave a little bit of the good stuff after the kill

oh god, I bought this book teh other day. It was called storm of iron. Its so freaking good. So many charecter developments and great twists and turns. Bloody and gory and its so great. ok, basic thing, big huge fortress. good stuff inside, and tehse chos boys come to knock it down adn get teh goods. Bout as basic as it gets. I wont spoil it though I will tell you that teh Gaurd does some serious killing. hear that you flithy worthless heritics, we mow you down in droves. if you get like 10 bucks go out and buy it

ok....so I havent heard from that one philly based company in a while. Which sucks. Like really really sucks. So, heres teh thing. last time I gave up hope (like I'm just about to do now) I posted a journal about it and they contacted me within the hour. so, heres the plan. I still really wanna work for them , so, in wanting tro work for them I'm going to treat them as if they've given up on me. now, to really bring teh luck fairy out (I will have his blood when I no longer need him....and his family will suffer. mercy for none, quarter for none!!!) post comments that read something like "too bad, maybe you can....I dont know, make sandwhiches."

so, wahtcha think about my plan?

those books I got have really been doing the trick very nicely. In particula storm of iorn has been very nice. Very bloody. In fact, so far I think its been my favorite warhammer book so far. teh garud arent made to be horribly weak, teh forces of chaos arent immortal, and teh battles are so well described, being able to feel the ebb and flow of the tides of intiative. The way he describes teh plans and how he describes them flling apart is also great.

So yeah, I feel so happy right now. I cant think of much that would be better, cept maybe having someone to indulge in warhammer with me.


also, I think I'm starting to understand why I like neck bites so much

well, I've updated my profile. I've gotten rid of some of the more outdated info. most of it has just been taken away although I did update the part about star. Just thought I'd drop that fact in a journal.

Its his speeches. I love hearing his speeches. Of course, speeches dont mean a damn thing if he cant get the job done but hey.....t least hes not butchering the english language like past presidents.

wait, what was that about the holocost?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNZzJELbFRI&NR=1


why did this never catch on as a sport?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf7_v9d2Ghw

...jesus, every time I sit down to drink a beer I either see or hear about a place I can only get to by driving. now of course I refuse to drink and dirve but..............why cant I be informed of this stuff before I drink one? Like seriously, no sooner had I finished half my beer, then suddnely teh loacl news comes on telling me about this massive gathering of folks celebrating the election. (I got this keg thing, it was cheeper then a six pack and held about teh same as two beers so I thoguht it was a good buy for someone who didnt want a whole six pack)


;-; damn you beer and fate, why must you conspire against me


Also, got really really pissed and depressed yesterday after I started feeling ignored. And uh...well, being so upset I thought ehy, when was the last time these folks talked to me so I can more effectivly direct my anger. and well.........yeah........I'm losing track of time. Folks I thought I hadnt heard from in weeks, turns out it had only been days. days had really been hours........you get the idea....Yeah, I feel silly

yup.....I feel really ignored by just about everyone I know right now. I'm online constantly job searching and looking for a job too...but I dont really hear alot from folks on here

in real life My brothers too busy with college to talk to me

My dad never talks to me about anything but house work

My mom is constatntly gone and we can barely talk cause shes too brainwashed by the church

All my college budies live like a hundred miles away and I'm lucky if I hear from them on a monthly basses....

My dog is so old (in the upper teens) shes always asleep and barely gets up anymore

I really do doubt even a handfull of folks will read this. This isnt so much trying to get attention or trying to get someone to talk to. I'm to tired of trying to do that at this point. This is just for me, I've heard folks say that voicing these kinds of things can help you feel better even if its only getting it down on paper. And I hate feeling ignored. I really dont know how to deal with it either. I dont want to keep jumping around, trying to get some kind of attention till I'm just to anoyying to deal with. And I dont want to go away cause then I feel like I'm going to be ignored even more. In fact it kinda makes me feel worse when I do just go away. It feels like waiting, and that was pretty much my childhood. I just dont know. I'm gonna go away for a little while now, read and sit back. Just try to take my mind off of it. Its nice that its an election night though, gives me something big to pay attnetion to. distract me. Gotta admit though, posting this is making me feel a bit better, even if I'm still not really sure how to deal with feeling ignored.