So I met this guy online. We're talking for about a week. He's amazing. SO amazing. Sweet, funny, similar likes/dislikes (but not exact, which is good), and shares my passion for music. Personality wise, this guy is perfect. No bullshit. P E R F E C T. While we were chatting we were constantly making each other laugh, blush, and get butterflies. I've never felt this way so strongly so quickly about anyone, ever. I'd never even met a GUY that I wanted a relationship with.

The thing is, I'd never seen what he looks like in real life. He is a bit shy, and told me he'd send me a pic once he gets over his shyness. No biggie, right?

Of course it had crossed my mind that he's secretly super fat or whatever and trying to hide it, but at this point I was falling for him so hard that I don't think I would have cared.

Then tonight, we were chatting about making plans to meet up. He gets really quiet, and asks to go on voice chat. Okay, cool, why not?

So we start talking, and there's something about his voice that seems... abnormal. Not like an accent sort of thing, I couldn't figure it out.

Then he tells me. He has Spinal Muscular Atrophy. He's 23, and has been living with SMA - a birth defect that KILLS most sufferers in infancy - his whole life. He's bedridden and has been for the entire 23 years of his existence. He's completely dependent on his parents. (He had told me before that he lives at home, but that's actually pretty normal for people in Europe to spend longer living with their parents, so that didn't seem weird at all to me.)

I cried. I mean, broke down. I haven't cried in 7 fucking years and I was a mess.

It wasn't even because I saw this perfect relationship suddenly being shattered. Not one bit. I cried so hard because I felt so bad that I had to tell this amazing human being that I don't think I could handle that.

God damn, I choked up a little bit just in typing that out.

The only thing that this incredible person could say was how sorry he was that he didn't tell me sooner, that he was worried about me hating him for not saying something before things got to this point, and the only reason he didn't tell me earlier was that we had something *so good* going that he didn't want it to end.

I can't say I blame him.

They don't accept auditions anymore!

I was linked to the thread on the AC forums here: http://www.anthrocon.org/node/8063/.....tions-here-out

I mean, those are all very sane and level-headed reasons to not accept auditions anymore, but seriously, what the fuck?!

How the hell is someone who's not in the Good Old Boys' Club ever going to get on stage?!

All the DJs that have already played are just going to recommend their friends and you'll never see any new faces up there. Mark my fucking words.

This is really, really disappointing because I've been putting a LOT of work into improving my DJing, finally ready to audition again, and then I discover this bullshit.

Not to mention it looks like things are going to line up so that I can actually MAKE IT this year.

All of the disappoint. All of it.

( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else's heart
( ) had a stalker
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
(x) have a relationship with someone you'll never forget
( ) done something you've regretted
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe


SCHOOL - NOPE

( ) took an honours/advanced class
( ) broke the dress code
( ) got straight A's
( ) met one teacher you really like
( ) met one teacher you really hated
( ) failed a class
( ) skipped school
( ) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
( ) proved yourself an idiot
( ) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) intentionally tripped someone at school
( ) made a varsity team
( ) were involved in something you'll never forget


OTHER

( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) went to a sleepover (if passing out drunk at somebody's house counts...)
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
(x) visited a foreign country
( ) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
(x) partied to celebrate the new year (if you count the NYE party after-midnight)
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
( ) lost something/someone important to you

In 2011 I...

( ) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
( ) cried over a broken heart
( ) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
( ) pretended to be sick
(x) left the country
(x) almost died
(x) gave up something important to you
(x) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up 'till sunrise
( ) cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
( ) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(x) went to the beach
( ) saw a celebrity
(x) got sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
( ) became closer with a lot of people

Wow, my 2011 was kinda boring I guess :\

Sail by AWOLNATION is an amazing song.

This is a super fucking amazing remix.

I'm 22 years old.
I'm in the military.
I play 5 instruments and make a variety of music from Hardstyle, to Metal, to Terrornoize.
I have tattoos.
I longboard.

...and I'm a Brony.

WTF WHY DO I LIKE THIS SHOW SO MUCH?!

I finally broke down after seeing this My Little Pony stuff virtually everywhere and headed on over to YouTube to check it out.

This shit is awesome.

In fact, on most of the videos, you can check out the viewer demographics. Its most popular with:
Females aged 13-17
Males aged 18-24 (that's me)
and Males aged 25-34

I have no words other than WTF WHY?!

Growing up, I remember My Little Pony ranking up there with Cabbage Patch Kids and the like as the "Girliest of the Girl Stuff"

...and I just watched 6 episodes of this show back-to-back.

Now that all that is off my chest, I have two closing statements:

Haters Gonna Hate.

Bronies fo' lyfe.

So I look around and I see these Iron Artist things that a lot of people are doing, where they make up to 100 pictures based on requests.

Well, music being my primary form, making 100 songs (even if they were just short little audio doodles) would take FOR-EVER.

So, I've decided to do something I call the Genre Challenge to try and break me out of my current art block, basically it goes like this:

You post a genre of music here that you'd like to hear me do, and I do it. Simple!

The only restriction on it is that the genres have to be very distinctive from each other. If I get requests for "Gothenburg Death Metal" and "Blackened Death Metal" I'm going to ignore one or the other.

I'll take the first 20 requests I get here.

Watchers: If you've got music fans watching you, it would be pretty awesome if you could link this journal, that would be awesome.

See here:

This is pretty much one of the greatest examples of why I love it so much.

If you receive an email appearing to be from the IRS claiming you're owed a refund for an overpayment DO NOT FOLLOW ANYTHING THAT EMAIL SAYS.

A few things will tip you off that its an obvious scam:

Bad grammar. At one point it says "In oder we process your application..." However, the grammar in the rest of the email is pretty decent. Whenever you receive any email that you think might be suspicious, check the grammar.

Email address. A close look will see it comes from IRS.gv -NOT .gov, .gv. Another solid tip off.

If you get this email claiming you're owed a large sum of money (mine said I was owed $570+) and asking you to follow a link and fill out a form, DELETE that shit, spam report it, shut that shit down.


~This has been a public service announcement from your friendly scam-watching wolf.~

LISTEN NOOOOWWWWWWW



Now lemme tell ya 'bout BUBUBUBWOOO WUBUBUBWUBWUB WUBUBUBWUBWUB WUBUBUBWUBWUB

Bad news first. I'm probably not going to be able to make it to FCN this April.

Yep. I know. Kinda sucks.

BUUUUUT...
The reasoning for this is the good news..
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I'M MOVING TO GERMANY!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.photographyserved.com/Ga.....an_2009/317747

It just looks like an amazing time. I want to gooooooooooo.

Even when you read the title, you never see it coming.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1933583

and OMFG I LOVE IT.

vid here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_6QaVputXQ

I did a few runs after that one that were a bit better, faster and tighter carves, but I'll definitely try to get more footage tomorrow!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yeah, I say it in a half-joking manner and this kind of shit rarely gets to me but lately it has.

I don't know what the deal is. It just seems like I KNOW that someone is out there for me but I can't find her.

I say 'her' because yeah, I am bisexual but for some reason or another I've not yet been able to see myself in a serious relationship with a guy. I don't know whether this is just because I really don't see myself EVER in a relationship with a guy or if I just haven't found that guy yet.

Anyway, yeah. Lately this kind of thing has been hitting me a lot harder than it usually does and I just don't know how to fix it. Its not for lack of trying, either!

Pretty much all of my attempts at getting something going have failed for the following reasons:
A) The other person isn't interested.
B) The other person is taken.
C) The other person doesn't like me like that.

The vast majority have been reason C.

I think the reason for this is that my ideal mate is someone I can be calm and comfortable around. Somebody who is up for just chilling and hanging out as well as being romantic and lovey-dovey at times. And up for sex. But that one was kind of obvious, right? Simplified, my ideal mate would be more like best-friends-with-benefits, except said benefits are not just sex but also a serious relationship underlying the whole best-friends part.

I don't know, its fucking complicated.

I'm kinda split 60/40 between holding out for that perfect relationship (60%), or becoming one of the douchebags I hate so much and whoring it up and seeing if anything sticks when the dust settles (40%).

For now and the foreseeable future I'm holding out, but this shit is starting to get really, really old.

TL;DR bitching about being alone

It all started about 10 years back now. In the late '90s and early '00s, skateboarding was still the RAGE. Many of my friends had skateboards, made their own rails, ramps, and kickers, and frequented the vert park downtown. I'll admit, I tried it out, too. I talked my dad into getting me a board for my 13th birthday, summer 2001. I loved it, I really did, but I don't know why, it just seemed like I lacked the quick reactions to get any of the tricks down. It was a couple months before I could even ollie. Then my board got stolen and my interest diminished.

Fast forward 4 years after that. Summer 2005, I was 17. My dad and I went to visit some friends out in California for a few weeks. That was the first time I had ever seen a longboard. The speed, the smoothness... A friend I had made out there let me try his out, and I loved it. Even just riding, its just so smooth and awesome, and then you can get into sliding and downhill speedboarding that gives you that intensity if you desire it. Never ended up getting a longboard back then. The idea eventually dropped out of my mind and I forgot about it.

Now we come up to current events. Current as of like, a few short weeks ago. AnthroCon 2010 in Pittsburgh, where I met  nightclaw and  midwayotter for the first time. They had longboards. We chatted briefly about longboarding and stuff over the times we were chilling out and I began to remember everything about what had interested me in it in the first place.

Now we come up to tonight. I finally go youtubing about it... and find this:


Oh yeah. Next paycheck. After I pay back Aurora for all the help she gave me with going to AC. I wouldn't have made it home without her.

Well, "Splicer" episode technically.

But here it is:

http://fliiby.com/file/176401/bmvh94pu41.html

We were talking about Detroit:

MidwayOtter 11:48 pm
(11:48:18 PM): There's a show about abandoned buildings
(11:48:37 PM): And they're like "How do we know what buildings will look like 40 years after people? BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENED IN DETROIT"
Jimmysaint13 11:48 pm
(11:48:46 PM): HAHAHAHA
(11:48:53 PM): And Chernobyl
MidwayOtter 11:48 pm
(11:48:58 PM): Right
(11:49:03 PM): Chernobyl's probably safer.
(11:49:10 PM): Radiation won't steal camera trucks.
Jimmysaint13 11:49 pm
(11:49:16 PM): hahahahahaa

Bel-Air Garden Party!
http://belairgardenparty.ytmnd.com/

Journal soundtrack! Start the vid, then read the rest of the journal!


So I'm back from my first AnthroCon and PCD is kicking my ass pretty hard. I had the most amazing time. I honestly have never EVER had that much fun.

Quick overview:

Left my place on Wednesday to drive to Wisconsin and pick up  auroraborealia and  poprockskittles and a pretty cool guy named Keith. Crashed the night at Bill's (friend of Aurora, room holder, and all-around good guy) where we were all meeting and met Bill, Big Nick, Keith, Poprock for the first time and also Aurora for the first time ever. If I had judged how the weekend was going to go by that one night, I should have known how awesome AC was really going to be.

Myself, Aurora, Pop, and Keith all cram ourselves and all our shit into my '01 Eclipse (not fun) and drive the NINE HOURS to Pittsburgh on Thursday. We get to the Westin, park the Eclipse, pour out of the car and up to the room where Bill and Big Nick had already arrived (they flew). Also in the room was Loki (all-around cool guy),  jhub267 , and another good guy named Cliff. They'd been drinking since noon and I had some catching-up to do. Thursday was spent generally drinking and wandering, picked up my badge, talked to some folks and all that good stuff. Then, something amazing happened. I went outside to have a smoke, looked over toward the convention center... and there was ASTEROIDS. Asteroids was being played and projected via lasers to the outside wall of the convention center. That is how I met  fizzotter ,  nightclaw and  kironeem . Popped into the dance for a little bit, wasn't a whole lot going on, and in my drunken haze wandered back to the room.

Friday was much more fun. More drinking, got into some awesome drinking games with the room folks. Aurora and I wandered the Artists Alley to try and secure a tail for myself, and this is where the first sign of trouble came. I checked my account balance and I only had about $130. That $130 needed to pay for gas, parking, and tolls all the way HOME. Ended up not buying anything, but even with that in mind, it was still the time of my LIFE. Aurora was in her Synx partial while we wandered the Alley, I was actually the dude behind the camera for this pic: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4074791 . Later on, more drinking, managed to bump into  thedresdenbomber (yet another all-around awesome dude and fellow Air Force fur) who was actually back in the states on his Mid-Tour Leave from South Korea. Spent most of the night hanging with Aurora, Fizz, Nightclaw and Kiro, hit up the dance, went to this awesome 24-hour restaurant called Primanti Brothers' then headed back to the hotel to crash. I actually ended up crashing on the floor in their room after there were some issues I won't discuss here (apologies were made, no harm done). Before we all actually crashed out, Fizz showed me a few of the other bright and colorful things he does (such as the chroma-tail and a couple other laser things) and actually gave me some advice that has me completely re-motivated to get in shape, get back going with my music, finish up some other projects I've been sitting on, and generally be awesome.

Saturday was fucking INCREDIBLE. Drunk and Mobile (creds to Bill and Nick for the term) for most of the day, hung out with Aurora, Fizz, Nightclaw and Kiro in the evening, then we went to the dance. Early. Fizz showed me how the different laser controls work and after watching him and Nightclaw mess around with them for a little while into the dance, I jumped on the controls. It was such a blast, you have no idea. I was actually controlling the laser show for what must have been around an hour and a half on Saturday night, it was SO AWESOME. After the dance we hit Primanti Brothers' again, this time with Cheetah.de in tow. Pretty awesome guy, we all discussed lasers, movies, and music theory over some AWESOME Pittsburgh Cheesesteaks.

The walk back to the Westin was when my Post-Con Depression (PCD) started to kick in. It was during the walk back that I realized that I would get back to my room, go to sleep, wake up the next morning, pack, and leave. I didn't want it to happen. I was having such a great time that up until that point I didn't even realize that it had to end. Then I remembered some more advice Fizz had given me and it helped a lot.

Went to sleep Saturday night, got up Sunday, ate at Fernando's and after saying some goodbyes, we packed up the Eclipse and headed for Wisconsin. 9-ish hours later, we were getting close to Bill's place and the song you are listening to (or just listened to) came on the radio. This was playing AS we were pulling in the driveway. With PCD hitting me as hard as it was, I shit you not, I almost cried. Crashed at Bill's again, and drove home yesterday. Shit, I can NOT wait for MFF.

"AnthroCon is like life with the volume up and the color on max. When its over, everything seems so dull and monochrome, that's PCD. I think PCD happens because you've found something so awesome, and when its over you get scared that you'll never be able to find it again. But don't worry. The party's not over. Its merely on pause until next year." -  fizzotter

I remember when I saw this the first time. On TV. I was so fucking bummed out. I found it again on youtube. Manly tears.

Blizzard announced the release date for Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty and its JULY 27TH HOLY SHIT.

I've already got my collector's edition on pre-order. Am I the only one this excited about this shit?

OK, it seems I've racked up quite a few names, and I'm probably not going to stop here with creating more. I thought I'd compile a list of all the pseudonyms I use and what genre of music they're for:

SKULLtagger - glitch and experimental techno
fearless - recently changed from all caps to all lowercase, I'll be producing dark ambient under this name
X-Ekutr - brand new pseudonym, this is the name I'll be producing my hard-hitting industrial and EBM under
WolfXIII - hardstyle and jumpstyle
Adren - another new name, I'll be releasing my DnB under this name instead of WolfXIII
No-Life King - now defunct. I'll probably up the edge on that music a bit and produce it under X-Ekutr
Wolf - now defunct. I'll probably beef these songs up a bit and release under WolfXIII

just...

STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND LISTEN TO THIS. IT IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZph3ZDpUr8