I quit my job a while ago because it was depressing me and making me want to kermit sewerslide, so I'm hoping to sell some older characters.

I will post a follow-up with ref sheets for the ones for sale but if you're interested in any, comment here. There are some, like Maria, who I will never sell, so no promises.

Could you, like, not? That's pretty fucking creepy.

I've just downloaded Pokémon Go again, send me a friend request!

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So I know I haven't been the best character owner on here, I get art and never upload it. Sometimes I don't save it onto my PC either and when an artist deleted it, I've lost art I've paid for.

I'm considering making a Twitter account specifically for my furry art. Hopefully a larger audience will make me more motivated to upload artwork I get.

Thoughts?

I'm writing this at midnight after sobbing into my pillow. I don't expect anything to come from this but I need a place to put my thoughts

I'm lost and I don't know what to do. Lately I've been feeling shitty, feeling worthless, unwanted, and worst; having thoughts that I'd be better off just not playing the game of life.

I have no IRL friends and I'm losing the few internet friends I have because I never put in the effort to keep in touch. A few years ago I was making friends online every day, now I've forgotten how to talk to people and not seem like the fucking moron I really am.

I buy art to help me get through tough times, so I try to befriend artists. Asking if we can be friends is pathetic and I don't want to be seen as trying to get a discount or anything. So I end up spending most of my salary on stuff that I can't even touch.

I have incredible jealousy for everything, it's so petty. I get an art that I wanted and it's cool for 5 minutes until the next person gets something from that artist and I'm left wondering why all of a sudden mine looks shit in comparison. It doesn't, that's just my fucked up brain refusing to be reasonable.

People around me are moving on with their life, getting jobs, friends, married, having kids, and it all just makes me jealous. I'm not going to pretend it's remotely justified for me to feel that way but it tears me up. Literally today one friend told me she uses Tinder, and the feelings that elicited are petty and retarded.

It doesn't help that I'm in the UK and all my friends are in the US, I can't visit anyone or make any meaningful connections. Even if I could, being trans makes me not want to meet people out of self-confidence issues. I don't know if I'm going to live long enough to see myself be comfortable with my body.

My best friend deactivated their FA because they weren't using it, I've failed as a friend to her. I've fucked up so many times when she was begging me for help to be a decent person that she's locked herself off to everything except talking to me about basic things. I love her so much but I can't believe her when she says she loves me. How could she?

I just want to give up, a few people would be sad if I went but they'd move on. I don't have a worthwhile impact in anyone's life. If this is PMS caused by my hormones then I don't know how I'm going to cope with feeling like this every month. If it's not, then I don't know if it'll ever go away.

Tl;dr, I'm a useless sack of shit and I hate myself.

Basically, there's a number of artists out there, I'm not going to name who, who I'm not going to get art from again.

A part of me thinks I upset them or I was a bad client or I just didn't feel like my patronage was appreciated. it's not like I'm friends with them so I can't just ask because a stranger asking if you don't like them is just weird.

These are artists I genuinely like too, people who I would be happy to spend more money on, they just left me feeling like they didn't want my business. It's especially painful if they don't upload the art I commissioned because I don't upload myself. If I can't favourite it, then I pretty much can't show it around.

Been thinking about this a lot the past few days and it's really starting to upset me. I'm thinking of all the art I'm missing out on because of this.

In unrelated news, I'm looking for an artist for a Maria x Elsa lewd art.

Hope everyone has a good Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any other winter holiday.

It my 22th berfdai

Title says it all; characters I want to get art with one of my characters.
Very few male characters, no reason for that, to be honest. I say 'trans' instead of 'herm' because whether they have a vagina or not doesn't matter.

Animal Crossing:
• Isabelle (Female/trans)
• Ankha (Female)

Undertale:
• Undyne (Female/trans)
• Alphys (Female)
• Muffet (Female/trans)
• Toriel (Trans)
• Dogamy and Dogaressa (Male and trans)

MLP (don't judge me)
• Celestia and Luna (Trans and trans)
• Pinkie Pie (Best pone, trans)
• Queen Chrysalis (Trans, oviposition)

Adventure Time (I will destroy all you hold dear)
• PB (Female)
• Marceline (Trans)
• Fiona (Female/trans)
• FP (Trans)
• Susan (Female)

TAWoG
• Nicole (Female/Trans)
• Penny (Female, cuckoldry)

Frozen
Elsa (Trans)

Warframe
• Lotus (Female)
• Ember (Trans)
• Saryn (Trans)

LoZ
• Imp Midna
• Humanoid Midna

Pokemon
Arcanine (Male)
Goodra (Male)

I'm sure there's lots more that I can't remember. Drop suggestions below.

I'm re-selling monkey boi Lyric back to his original owner,

So if you're watching me for his art at all, go watch him instead!

I asked a while ago if anyone wanted to see this... Didn't get much in replies but I'ma do it anyway.

Name: Maria
Gender: Female
Orientation: Bisexual, no preference
Species: Arctic Wolf
Ref sheet: https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B.....jdaVExQc0wwdnc (Artist: https://www.f-list.net/c/adalee )
Maria is my 'sona, she's me. Most interactions with her are OOC. The original, the OG, the one, the only... You get the point. That being said, Maria is an exaggeration of me. She's a lot more confident... and sexy. >.> She helps me more than people realise.

Name: Dawn
Gender: Transfemale
Orientation: Bisexual, no preference
Species: Human
Ref sheet: https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B.....G84LVBGYnZIaHM (Artist: https://www.f-list.net/c/adalee )
Dawn started out as a 'human version' of Maria - hence the tattoo - more reflecting my IRL self (since I'm human and trans). In the end she turned into her own character; more submissive, even a bit of a cuckold. She's less confident in herself compared to Maria... So I guess that only makes her even more like me.

Name: Ynvicta
Gender: Female hermaphrodite
Orientation: Pansexual
Species: Pride Demon (Basically a demon/dragon hybrid)
Ref sheet: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25972981/ (Artist: )
A species I've made myself, technically. You can read more about it on Ynvicta's F-list profile. She's speciel to me because the species idea has been around for years, slowly leeching off other points of inspiration. I feel like them and their world are pretty fleshed-out by now.

Name: Shayna Corauri
Gender: Female
Orientation: Bisexual
Species: Snake, no specific breed
Ref sheet: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24845944/ (Artist: )
The second character I made on F-list. I wanted someone a lot more motherly than Maria and decided on a snake... she may or may not have been inspired by  zp92 's Arbok character... Maybe.


(I will continue this later)

Been a over month since my last journal, or so FA tells me. Figured I'd post an update to get it off my chest.

Step 11: So, had GP appointment on the 15th of November. Went as well as I expected; blood results hadn't come back from testing labs.
Step 12: Wait a couple of days, get a call from GP; lab SCRAPPED my results because of a software error. They also suggested that there was no need to get retested because of last year's results.
Step 13: Fuck you.
Step 14: GP says I should have another sample ASAP, I could go in first thing after work.
Step 15: Go to GP clinic, get lift from mamawoof because my bike's broken. Assume i'm going to be a while so I tell her that she can go to her Doctor's appointment as the hospital and I'll walk home.
Step 16: Speak to receptionist, phlebotomist is on holiday, I have to go to the hospital to get my sample taken... the same hospital mum LITERALLY just went to.
Step 17: Walk home, wait for mum to get home; 'Turn around, I need to get to the hospital'.
Step 18: Have sample taken, definitely my most painful needle yet.
Step 19: Fastforward 3 weeks, get test results through. Result is FINE. In a way it only pisses me off more because of what the labs said.
Step 20: Sent report to gendercare. Doc will talk with endocrine guy and send letter to my GP with dosaging.

Long story short, I still don't feel like i'm any closer to getting what I need. 'Hopefully' I'll be starting sometime in the new year... but i'm not holding out hope.

On another note, how would people like a journal entry with all my my characters' details on them? F-list profiles, ref sheets, stuff like that?

For those who don't know, I'm transgender.

I've known for ages and i'm in the midst of the UK's mind-numbingly slow and droll system. The NHS really let me down so I decided to go privately. In the hopes that I can help one or two other people out there who were in the same situation as me, I'm posting this at midnight because why not?

So, for years I was thinking about myself being female. I pretended online, on omegle; making friends under various different names and fake Skype accounts. It wasn't long before I realised that I was happiest at those times. I hated lying, but being able to 'pretend' to be female was just much fun. Time went by, I developed this idea that 'If there was a big red button that could turn me into a girl, I'd press it.'

Long story short, I joined an LGBT group in the hopes of finding some solid answers. There were none but I realised there was a button, and only I could press it.

Step 1: Go to GP, explain situation, ask to be referred to the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC).
Step 2: Get told your appointment would be in 13 month's time, flip table.
Step 3: Wait until you get a job, then apply for private care with a company called Gendercare, get appointment for 6 month's time.
Step 4: Wait 6 months; NHS appointment gets booked for the day after your brother's wedding, can't rebook without it taking another literal 13 months. Flip table, forget NHS.
Step 5: Gendercare appointment goes well; Doc says I should be starting hormones in a few weeks. Thumbs-up.
Step 6: Wait a few weeks, no word from Gendercare. Speak to other trans friend, turns out they had a bereavement and my letter didn't get sent to my GP.
Step 7: Poke Gendercare, letter gets sent, book GP appointment but he's fully booked for 3 weeks.
Step 8: Finally get GP appointment, expecting to start treatment. Turns out my hormone test results are all fucky and Gendercare Doc didn't give any specifics for dosage or anything. GP sends letter to Gendercare, I book for another blood test.
Step 9: I FUCKING HATE NEEDLES, book another GP appointment for the 15th November
Step 10: Write this journal, secretly kinda angry and just wanting it to be over.

Anyhow, that's that. I don't hate a lot of things but needles, tomatoes, and screaming kids make the list.

Have a good week, y'all~ ♥

Hey y'all, just a signal boost.

Check out this Halloween-themed YCH by a friend. It'd really be a shame to see it go for just the SB

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24993157/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24993157/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24993157/

Brother's gf went into labour early this morning. After two hours of pushing she was exhausted. I know they were considering C-section but I haven't heard anything. They're an hour's drive away in Basingstoke. My mum is with them, but she's always been awful at replying to texts.

Thing is, I'm honestly worried about my brother. I know he's going to make a great dad but I don't think his gf is going to make a great mum. She constantly tries to 1-up her sisters, both of them have kids already. My brother and her did a stupid by starting to try for a baby before they got a house; putting massive pressure on both of them to move out from his gf's family's place, otherwise there would be both of them, her sister and her bf, their daughter, and their mum in a tiny London apartment.

I don't feel like she's giving my brother enough freedom; she's controlling and aggressive at times. I trust my brother to not take her bullshit at its worst, but I think he's a little too gullible at times to really understand the effect she has on him.

This is the first grandchild on our side of the family, the fourth on hers. Her mum's exactly the same and she's the reason I can tell my niece is going to grow up spoilt and bratty; they're so materialistic and have already filled up the kid's room with crappy, breakable toys. Meanwhile my mum is hand-making a whole lot of knitted clothes just to compete with them.

I know this is a bit of a rant but as someone who's never gonna have kids IRL, it's already frustrating me that things have turned out the way they have; I can only see them getting worse.

In case you haven't noticed, I've started uploading some art.

At the moment I have 172 pieces in my Maria folder on my HDD. That's not all of it, and that's just Maria.

Yeah, it's going to take a while.

I figure I'll put something here in the hopes that anyone watching me might be able to help. I'm after some artists for some particular kinks. I've been looking for a while and the artists I've seen are either good but don't do the fetish, or like the fetish too much but have crappy work.

So if anyone out there knows of any decent artists okay with the following kinks, leave a comment. Thanks babes ♥

• Ageplay
• Bestiality
• Bloodplay
• Castration
• Gore
• Urethral play (Peen and vago)
• Watersports
• Foot play (Not really extreme, but it's hard finding artists who do plantigrade feet well)

Okay, so my Credit Card got sorted out. I had my Gendercare appointment yesterday that went swimmingly; I could be on treatment within a month. Unfortunately it might mean another blood test. I fucking hate needles.

The garage has given me another week before I need to get my bike, which helps a lot with timing since my brother's wedding is coming up - the stuff I need to pay for that should be okay.

So while it might be a slow to commissions, I should be okay for a while. I've told my family I only want money for birthday and Christmas to help pay for all this stuff. Hopefully they actually listen to that and don't give me random crap that I don't need or want.

Okay, so. I only really use my credit card over Paypal. I've never had a need to use it until Saturday. I don't remember my PIN and my card got locked a few months ago because I forgot it three times in a row. I didn't worry about it until Saturday when I had to pay a deposit for a new - and my first - motorcycle. I had to pay by Debit, which left me with £11 in my account, but also locked me out from using my Credit Card through Paypal.

I'm honestly starting to panic a bit. I get paid on Friday but I need to pay for the bike in full some time next week as well as my Gendecare appointment this coming Saturday which will put me back by the majority of my paycheck. I have my savings I can dip into but I'd rather not resort to that.

I brought a Wacom Intuos a while ago in the hopes of doing something in my spare time to get back some commission money but I can't get used to the damn thing.

So yeah, no commissions for at least a couple of months. Sad times.

I haven't really used this much although I really should.

Should I upload my commissioned art? I'm pretty lazy and have 100ish images to do.