Ya I'm still here I just don't make a lot of these Journals. Honestly I'm still working on my mental self and game Deving. My space game I made is back burned again not happy about that choice but I was getting frustrated with the AI and now I'm working on a simple little platform puzzle game no crazy AI no 3rd dimension just a player going from point A to point B. Granted I've gotten a little crazy with the idea. I'm keeping the details kinda in the dark but I've started playing a lot of Metroveina games, Hollow Knight for example and who knows I might take some elements from the simple game and make my own Metroveina game.

So as the Subject put I found a video of well a history of the Furry fandom. I figure I post it here so people who want to can watch it along with the 1st ever fur con on tape that I could find so down below will be those links. A bit of a odd side note Con 0 video is mainly of a suiter that had a fem BDMS Bambi but ya give you all that info before you watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aF2GxWi7Ag <---History

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymFjgpcapx8 <---- Con 0

So I learned something new and I didn't like that I did learn this....JasenTamiia via FA was a artiest I loved to see I loved his art around 2015 he passed and it was sad after about a month or two I found out he died but I never learned the date....I found out today...on Dec 31, 2015 my 22 birthday this great artiest pasted..... I'm going to go hug for a bit and be happy I have him to lean on time to time...he's a good friend. My thoughts and the love in my heart for everyone on this planet goes out to the family.

So I made a Patron to get money to help me pay for stuff like Arts,Coders, and so on. So ya.....link bellow and also I feel dirty having this because I hate asking for money but I have like vary little money to do anything even to hire folks so if anyone cares to drop some money in the penny cup if you want.

https://www.patreon.com/RedLightPanda

I have been busy as of late I mean to post more here but I kinda been working on a game and dealing with arts block. Hoping I can get over it.

Happy Birthday to me I write this at 12:31 AM Dec 31 2016 right now I'm hearing my dad whine about his life.....from my room Upstairs while he is down stares yelling and saying how no one cares about him. Before he went to bed he got drunk 2 hours prier then he just start to fight with my step mom cause he is drunk and in his mind he is telling the truth when in truth he is just beating him self up and blaming every one else. Over stuff like Sex, Love, Money and so on. He doesn't stop so 35 mins into my birthday he is crying for his sorry life cause he is drunk and thinks the world should bind the knee to his hard as heck life.....Happy birthday.....I guess.

So I don't talk much of my dad cause he is a bit moody he gets mad at the drop of a hat and I'm not joking here he just got in a 2 hour argument with my step mom over sex.....Only reason I know is cause he yells so loud I can hear him threw the walls clear as day.I love my dad but he will get upset over anything I only stand him because I live under his roof and can't afford my own den plus I'm scared to be on my own. I have these dark points where I just end up feeling like I'm nothing more then a worm on the belly of a dead animal....I do what I can to stay happy but ....I don't know how long I can last some times.

I'm trying to figure out short stack I usely can find a tut I can fallow or see some other arts sketch and work from there so I know what I need for a "Base". But I can't seam to put 2 and 2 together for Short stacks . Can some one point me in the right way? To explain I'm trying to draw something like Kyatto and I don't know how..

So I deal with depression plus Asperger I was diagnosed with Asperger when a was around 6. Iv been bullied since then. When High school swung by the bullies got to the point where they actually punch me in my crouch and ruin stuff I owned my books my art stuff so on. Half way threw my 1st year I discovered furies. I did my digging and found out every thing I needed to and I fell in love with the fandom. I made my lion sona or Wolf v1 he had bugs just a basic cookie cutter lion. I didn't feel done so I made v1.5 and made him half dragon. Still wasn't done v2 Wolf dragon. Then V2.5 and what I kept right now Wolf the Timber wolf with discord like powers. Year passed and all I had of Wolf was my tail and I felt happy I still do I enjoy wearing it when I can then I start making video games I needed something new something I loved then well Wolf became the first and Red my 2nd fursona a panda with DNA from two arts I love here on FA datbadger and even if they don't draw I still love them as a fur the owner of Purgy Husky. I made her like me but more confident....I made my first paws for her the first few months of 2016. When I got really depressed I put them on and touch my face. It's like Red is touching me comforting me. I don't know why I try to escape the world so much but I think it has to do with the hate and mistreatment everyone gives in the world.

Sorry for ever reads this...I just have to vent sometimes and I go on another web site to do that but....I was talking about one of the happiest moment in my life. Joining the Fandom I want to go to the cons and feel happy I watch what I can from the furs who post videos and I go to Pride where I live I do my best to hug every lasts one of them just to get me threw the the year fur hugs make me feel better like I matter that I'm not...a freak like iv been treated most my life....good night people hugs to all of you. May they make you smile.

So I was digging threw my old notes to Crow Child and one of them said I should get used to Photoshop and Flash.I didn't understand the Photoshop one so I just worked on flash. A few years later I deiced to look at Photoshop cc since I have Flash now. Then I saw 3D on Photoshop after I saw this I kinda lost it once I pulled up one of crowchilds stream videos. Well it cause it all clicked after all that. I feel like a complete dumb ass. I never knew that Photoshop has a 3d thing in it.

So people who know Crowchild I had a run in with him here on FA ages back. What I did was message him via the notes I asked him if he could tell me how he made his game. I was entrusted by the way he put 3D to 2D sprites. I always loved seeing stuff like that kinda like Who framed roger rabbit. But he wouldn't tell me said he didn't have time to play teacher. I understand its a dumb reason to be mad at him for but ever since that day Iv been downloading all his live streams to a portable hard drive and watching them to see how he did it. Now yes I am a determined arts I want to do better then what iv been posting but I'm slowly learning all I can but there's a part he never told me NEVER. That is how makes his 3D world Iv asked him and all he told me was Flash and Photoshop. Witch confuses me I under stand flash but not photo shop but if some one reading this knows how he does it please tell me I'm using blender and slowly teaching my self how to make 3d models of buildings and as I do this I try to figure out how he gets the shots he has in his game. To add to it I have aspurgers it is hard for me to learn I need to know Exactly what to look and learn or I will spend god knows how long learning the wrong thing.

I'm a fan of the game Animal crossing I tried doing fan art of it but every time I do I goof it up I also tried making a game and that flopped hard to.....I would like if some one could point me to the right way to draw the animal crossing toons right and not have to deal with well my miss ups.

Dec 31 I was born in 2 days when I write this I will be 22 years of age...I have done a lot in this year but I did spend most of it depressed I plan on finishing my suit in 2016 I just hope I do good.

I got a hold of a fur here in Utah....he sound alright and I thought if I talked to him I'd end up meeting other furs....He told me the people in the United Utah furry group where jerks.....then went on about how I am. I have aspurgers and a issues to well....keep my emotions in check I'm not a people person real life I want to be but its hard. I found out this guy is a diaper fur and for good reason apparently the guy fell from a roof and now he can't tell when he has to go.....I then ended up just talking with him more and more about how I have been looking for a fursuit maker to help me with mine. Then he told me being a Male to female fursuiter would keep people away from me.....and also being me....I'm full of drama cause of how I was raised and how people treated me over the years. I don't know what to do with my self any more really I mean I want to draw I want to make worlds that people will love animate and write worlds like studio jubilee and Disney did for me....I want to stay in the fur fandom but people don't like being around me I only see 4 maybe 5 furs a year and that's during pride. If any one read this and starts to worry I'm okay Iv been depressed it's just I don't know if a guy who wears a well doggy hood (kink mask shaped like a dog head) can be called a fursuiter but....I don't know I really don't since I want to be my panda fursona yes my panda has tits but I don't make full on female fursona she is a herm end of story. I don't know if other furs find it weird but I want to make fur friends I want to make my suit and I want to be happy for once in my god *censor* life but I'm always stuck getting depressed and sad and I can't get away from people that cause it since I'm related to most of them.

Okay I saw this drawing http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17486709/ (NSFW) and it got me thinking....is there a fursuiter out there that have made a 2 headed fursuit....I'm counting the body torso not the snake and if so can some one point me to them so I can ask how they did it

Well I got a mic and I would like to learn how to be a voice actor so if people willing to help me here and there drop me a note

Okay I'm being kinda of a odd cookie today so ya I am friends with so I want to say my thoughts here about him. He is a great animator even if he draw the adult stuff most of the time he is a animator. But I talked to him recently he wishes to leave the fandom to become a "real" animator drawing something other then the Adult stuff that tends to populate on his FA page. I under stand why he wants to put a wall between his adult stuff and what he wants to do. But every time he says this to me I just stop and think of all the Adult stuff out there there all the adult shows Iv seen Fritz the Cat,Ren and Stimpy,and a load of others. I know Fritz the cat has a small fandom for it and I don't mind counting my self as one of them same goes for Ren and Stimpy cause I grew up on Ren and Stimpy. But back to the reason for this train of thought I love his work heck he was kind to me and pointed me in the write direction to help me with my dream of becoming a animator. So I want to know from people who thought of leaving the fandom so you could distant your self from your adult stuff. Have you done this once in your life or was it to hard to leave

I am streaming my self working on a game of mine so looking foreword to this feed back

https://www.picarto.tv/live/channel.....=Redlightpanda

Okay a fur I love to death is selling one of her suits and she try's selling it and pulls out after a while https://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1071814.html that is the suit I'd buy it but I don't have the right funds to do it but every time this suit hits Furbuy  cattiva<- that fur is the first bidder I have no vendetta with this fur. It's when I looked at this fur's page that it scared me I don't know what is with this person I don't understand the stuff on there page if someone does tell me. But it freaks me out a bit cause I don't want to see such a cute suit end up in this person gallery of oddness. I would keep going but I'd sound like a broken record by that time so ya if anyone can explain that furs page I may let up I don't know just keeping my distant tell then.

Not meany people have a life like mine and to those who do I feel sorry for the ones who broke and left this world.I am on the verge of suicide my self cause my father doesn't understand my mind and he doesn't want to.
I love my dad but he drives me crazy consistently making me do stuff like handy man stuff or lawn care. I want to go on record saying I know these things are important but I just don't care for them they don't intrust me like art or animation or game making does. I have aspurges not a heavy dose of if but a good a mount that I will be intrusted by my things and everything else is boring to me.But my father doesn't understand my disability to cut me some slack I have my safe places for example my friends and room. I feel safe and don't feel like the world will swallow me up in a matter of seconds cause how much hate there is out there.My father doesn't care about my safe zone he wants me to be a normal male guy and date a women,get a better job,say everything I like for example Furry life is weird and should be out of my life along with transsexuals and gays.

With my father consistently pushing me to be what he wants and when I do something I want I get shot in the face so to speak and treated like a kid by him. Death keeps walking behind me cause I'm one Really big melt down from swinging from the ceiling or a cut across the wrist.

Life is hard but I push my self so I can be with my friends I love my friends more then family cause they let me be me.


People think before you speak your words and actions can hurt those dear to you no matter what.

I want to wish everyone Mother and Grandmother of FA and the World and FA a Happy Mothers Day I tip my hat off to all of them. Enjoy your mothers day and the kids and grandchildren show your mothers your grand mothers and your Great grandmothers if you have them Respect this day.

I am going to be streaming for oh a hour for a game I'm making ill be doing story boarding so those who want to watch this Ill link in the post

I am wondering If I should do a stream I may do it after my movie I am watching the last of 3 predtor movies I got yesterday so far so good any way those who think I should leave a comment

I am getting my new PC up and running I am getting a bit of a art whore mood so I'm doing random drawings for who ever and what ever I can muster it will be a hour stream post will have link

For people who care I am going to stream around 7 or 8 pm Mountan time. I am not the best of arts but it is what pushes me I draw better on paper but I'm trying my best to get used to this tablet time so for this stream I will do request in this drawing but keep it simpole like draw a panda or a cat or something but BJ scense I will try but it will be a bit harder for me any way Keep a Eye out for a post from me saying stream in my submissions.