So I figure I should update everyone in my life, and create a good journal to keep on my page as well.

2015 was a year of self discovery, moving across a thousand miles for love, that love not working out in the end, and me finding myself a new place to call home twice, true friends standing by me, and making Colorado truly my home.

Since moving to Colorado, I got back in touch with two people I've known and loved being around as long as they've been in the Fandom; in many ways I've been closer to them than people I've known for a decade or longer, and they've been one of the most closely bonded couples I've known in the Fandom.

And I've had a crush on them both but kept it to myself thinking it was inappropriate, too likely to be misunderstood, damage our friendship, or damage their relationship.

Well after breaking up with the ones that were the reason to move to Colorado in the first place, we were talking, and I found out that during my breakup they () had been looking for a 'pet' but I'd missed the posts about that. Well I admitted I'd wished I'd seen the posts then, which surprised them both.

We've talked it over, and all of our pages mention we're trying it. It's a chance to connect closer to them both, and as I mentioned on the triple-icon picture we share a lot of interests; similar genres of gaming, stories, even food, and we're all west-coast natives so there are fewer cultural surprises. And perhaps the best part is we all lead naturally overlapping schedules, roughly '2nd Shifts' lives.

The've also found one other worthy of this chance, another friend they've known for a long time, but me and JackieJackal are unknowns to each other yet, so there's also new things to learn, people to meet and get to know, and lives to live.

So here's to 2016! Out with the old, on with the now, and to further evolutions of our lives together and separately!

...reunited with her husband of over 50 years, dating back to their marriage before he shipped out in the Navy to World War 2.

He passed away about four years ago, in 2007, and I had had a bad falling out with much of my family in the years since, including Non (as I've called her all my life) due to family shenanigans and my immaturity at the time, combined with dealing with the loss of Granddad setting me apart from the family.

I reconnected with Non only recently, a few months back, thanks entirely (and I mean this 100%) to 's encouragement, help, and patience while our Triskele was still together.

I know I preach just walking away if people are toxic to you, but there's a flip side: Forgiveness, reconnecting, or at least giving them a chance occasionally. People change... toxic people can become loving, helpful people. Re-test the waters from time to time, reach out to those you've pushed away before... they might surprise you. YOU might surprise you.

I'm not looking for sympathy, if anything please help me celebrate life, share a drink or a meal with me; she's in no pain and he hasn't been for years now.

But if I seem askew for the next few weeks... realize these two people raised me as much if not more than my own parents; I never even met my father until I was almost 8 years old, and my early years my mom was dealing with a lot of issues so my grandparents helped raise me by and large so I could stay with the family.

Thank you, one and all.

Snarfled from TDiWolf, who shamelessly borrowed from Oswanwolf.

Tis the Season to Kiss someone. Everyone has at least one person on FurAffinity who would LOVE to kiss you. So.. repost this to find out who would want to kiss you and WHERE they would like to kiss you? Even if your taken do this! Please?

1- Cheek
2- Neck
3- Lips
4- Make-Out :)♥♥
5- Naughty Places
6- Skip The Kisses, Straight To Bed
7- Other_____________

Staying at:
Main Hotel

How are you traveling?
Driving up in my Yaris.

Who are you rooming with?
and a first-time pseudo-fur I'm dragging along

Where will you be? How best to find me?
Track me down! Worst case, I post ALL my contact information so I'm reachable!

Who will you be with?
Who knows? XD

Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
and but no Lumi this year! Lotsa brown. Deal.

Do you do free art?
*snorts* I'm no artist. Sure, I'll doodle, but again... I'm no artist! XD

What is your gender?
Broad shouldered male.

How old are you?
33 as of last month.

Are you mated/in a relationship?
Completely solo

How tall are you?
180cm or 5'11" depending on which country you're from!

Can I talk to you?
Certainly! :D Just be careful what you ask, I may answer it. =^.^=

Can I hug and/or snuggle you
Hugs? Please do! Just be careful if you're fragile, I've had my hugs described as being nuzzled by a Mack truck.

Are you nice?
I try to be, please let me know if you feel I wasn't nice to you. If I don't know, I can't improve. And yes, even in my 30's I'm improving in life. :D

Are you cliquey?
*phbts* Not hardly. Seriously, I don't bite unless asked VERY strongly. :)

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Holler, hug me, wave, etc, I'm approachable! =^.^=

Are you fursuiting?
I'm bringing TWO fursuits... do you think I'm fursuiting?

Can I try on your suit?
...nope, unless I trust you as a suiter AND know you.

Can I ask ya to dance with me during the dances?
Please do! =^.^= I encourage everyone to dance. :D

Can I buy you drinks?
Only tea, lemonade, sprite, orange juice, grenadine, or some delicious mix of those two please. :9

Do you attend parties?
Sometimes, feel free to invite me? =^.^=

Can I take your picture?
Go for it! :D

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Meet cool folks, hang out with same, dance my tail off. Maybe not in that order, we'll see. =^.^=

Edit: See the updated entry, leaving this one up as an archive.

Staying at:
Main Hotel

How are you traveling?
Driving up in my Yaris.

Who are you rooming with?
confirmed right now.

Where will you be? How best to find me?
Track me down! Worst case, I post ALL my contact information so I'm reachable!

Who will you be with?
Who knows? XD

Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
and... haven't decided yet!

Do you do free art?
*snorts* I'm no artist. Sure, I'll doodle, but again... I'm no artist! XD

What is your gender?
Broad shouldered male.

How old are you?
33 as of last month.

Are you mated/in a relationship?
Completely solo

How tall are you?
5'11

Can I talk to you?
Certainly! :D Just be careful what you ask, I may answer it. =^.^=

Can I hug and/or snuggle you
Go for it! I'll give as good as I get. :)

Are you nice?
I try to be, please let me know if you feel I wasn't nice to you. If I don't know, I can't improve. And yes, even in my 30's I'm improving in life. :D

Are you cliquey?
*phbts* Not hardly. Seriously, I don't bite unless asked VERY strongly. :)

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Holler, hug me, wave, etc, I'm approachable! =^.^=

Are you fursuiting?
Mmhmm. I'll have at least two with me...

Can I try on your suit?
...and nope, unless I trust you as a suiter AND know you.

Can I ask ya to dance with me during the dances?
Please do! =^.^= I encourage everyone to dance. :D

Can I buy you drinks?
Only tea, lemonade, or some mix of those two please. :9

Do you attend parties?
Sometimes, feel free to invite me? =^.^=

Can I take your picture?
Go for it! :D

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Meet cool folks, hang out with same, dance my tail off. Maybe not in that order, we'll see. =^.^=

I put the term in quotes as I am (at best) a layman at proper AmerInd rituals beyond what English-language books and articles I've read. I have only my best intentions and limited skills at researching to guide me in this endeavor.

I'm going to make a small collection of very basic pouches, akin to what a lowly warrior might make for themselves or as gifts. I will be keeping one for myself as my first 'made for myself' medicine bag, one for SillySerpentine, and the others I would like to make for those that knew Vex in some way, but could not be at the funeral for whatever reason. Each will be customized to some extent based on who their future owner is.

There are a couple of items common to all the bags that I have a very limited supply of, so I can only make approximately 10 bags total while keeping a proper connection to Vex. This means at most 8 other bags will be made as gifts, possibly less.

It will be a couple of months before I can begin making these, as much so I can recover my personal energies, strength, and mental stability after being so utterly drained by the funeral and burial ceremonies as anything else.

These are not intended as casual keepsakes left hanging from a rear-view mirror, but something to be respected. Akin to a cross cast from melted bullets recovered from a battlefield, if you will, though far more gentle and positive.

I will be constructing a work space w/ a cedar working surface, smudging the work space, tools, and myself w/ sage (to push out negatives), cedar (for cleansing), and sweetgrass (to draw in positives) as appropriate prior to and during construction of each bag. For me, dedication to and care with my work is meditative, so while I will speak some words as I make each bag they will by no means have anything one could call a ritual or ceremony involved in their creation beyond the dedication of an artisan to their craft.

They will be created from brain-tanned smoked buckskin. I'm specifying this up front so nobody misunderstands or thinks these are simple fabric pouches I'm going to be building.

The pouches will be drawstring, each with a flap as well with this beading design on the flap. They will have enough extra length on the drawstring to be worn as a necklace, or the drawstring can be shortened as needed.

The contents of each bag will share some items:
1) piece of the dirt from his grave site immediately after burial
2) lock of my hair as the creator
3) small singed piece of all three cleansing plants
4) fragment of tobacco leaf, NOT shredded tobacco
5) lock of the fur from Lumi V1.0's head
6) further owner-specific item(s)

These items will be smudged appropriately before being put in, and the whole bag smudged appropriately upon completion.

Lumi V1.0's head is the strongest tie I have w/ Vex from two events that inter-relate:

1) The 'bleating sheep' incident w/ Vex at Further Confusion; I was wearing Lumi v1.0 all during that. It was my first time suiting at a con in over half a decade.
2) Vex wore him around for hours and hours when he was sent to a training class out in my region and went out to pick up the t-shirts and aware plaques; he wore Lumi around extensively while we drive about picking things up, waving at people, etc.

----

If you were a friend of Vex, are someone I either know or are willing to let me get to know you fairly well, and wish to have one of these? Please comment.

THIS IS NOT FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE! I will prioritize these to those people I know the best, and there's a long window before I'll make these, so please understand if you don't get one of these 'special' pouches. I'll be more than happy to make other folks a basic pouch after these are done.

Sunday was... oddly empty. So little happened that I remember, except one thing.

Suiting just before, and during the entire Dead Dog Dance.

That turned into a giant celebration of because shortly after I started wandering around in suit I stumbled into most of the horde I linked in the previous journal all in their suits, and we started remembering, being silly, and running around the con-space.

As the Dead Dog started up in earnest, we all tromped in, and started this... really odd mish-mash between remembering his life in words in the mini-headless-lounge, and telling stories among each other and laughing at days gone by, and dancing our tails off until we could barely stand, then going back to the headless-lounge horde.

It seemed fitting, in so many ways... and we truly danced until the lights came up. As the next to last song started, I warned everyone so we started slamming on everything we could, RUNNING (literally) up to mob the stage and bring the house down and rock the fuck out until the very last moment. Those of us that couldn't move any more sat on the front of the stage, those that could move, did. My batteries were dead in Lumi, and I had a wire break in a handpaw, so I didn't even bother with my hands or the battery, I HAD to be there with everyone else though... it was just something that had to be done. We all needed that moment, needed to send Vex off with the most energy we could gather that night, use that closure of the con to gain some ourselves...

...and we did. He was smiling down on us that night, I'm sure of it. Many tears were shed, words were traded, but most of all we danced our heart and souls out. Not to impress, not even to express, but just to exist... to bond together that night and support each other. And it was magical.

First, this con could not have come at both a worse or better time. Something that coloured the entire event for me was the unbelievably untimely deaths of both  PonyBird and  Loki_Blackfang which I heard about moments after it happened despite being on the road because I had my car configured in solo-road-trip layout.

Specifically, I have a police/taxi-style laptop mount in my passenger-seat area that I set up my laptop w/ internet access via my cellphone, and use to have the full Google Maps interface running on a nice, large 15" laptop screen while driving so I can see a lot more details without being distracted by a tiny GPS screen. Since I have a widescreen laptop, I have Twitter bubbling along on the side of the screen as well w/ the Windows 7 screen-reader enabled, with an audiobook (Game of Thrones) going as background audio during the long drive.

Something terrible happened.

That cut right through the book, as that was NOT the book saying that... pause for a "WTF? What happened?" reply... then heard the next message SillySerpentine posted... and ended up on the rumble-strip for a couple seconds as I felt like I had... something, pulled out from under me.

Needless to say, my drive down to FWA proper on Thursday was wildly delayed between tears, talking via twitter, etc. About 3 hours later I got back on the road (I was 6 hours into a 12-hour drive) and when I got there most everyone was already passed out. So... it took a bit to find my roomies (Ifus, xandermoraine, and ArcanaSigal), but as a result I found most of my friends that I spent so much time with whenever we'd run into each other.

A giant shout-out to everyone that I spent time chatting with, it helped my sanity so much and I consider you all friends. Some of you I only finally had a chance to meet in person this con, some I've seen at half a dozen or more before. This brought us all closer in bits and pieces, for the worst of reasons but the best of timings.





Yeah, there's a lot of you there. You all, in your own ways, helped make this the best con I've been to ever, regardless of such a giant weight so many of our shoulders.

---

So... Friday: After I woke up semi-late, I had a very small bit of shopping I had to get out of the way, so I put on my 'game face' of sorts and did a bunch of wandering around the dealers den. I patched up a couple rough spots I had with some folks directly, was happy to see various other artists I knew and bought a bit more from, and did all that this first day since looking at the schedule there was nothing at all I really needed to do. I just wrote off Friday entirely to try to unwind and relax, and leave it alone in case I needed another long cry. Every single muscle in my body north of my waist was sore as well after the drive down since I had been dealing with racking sobs the previous day.

I ended up going out to Vortex for a bison burger, which was delicious, and came back to peek at the dances... but ended up just talking w/ friends and playing board games that day/night when not in the Dealers Den.

---

Saturday was a LOT different. I woke up, felt good and limber, had a good (if late) breakfast, was doing some last-minute edits and choosing between songs... then I was a dumbass and had someone ask me for one of "my" hugs. Well... downside I found out my arms were *NOT* recovered yet, as both of my biceps started screaming after that. >_< It literally hurt like hell to try to pull handpaws on, etc. So... change-up, glad I brought WolfWings instead of only Lumi... slammed him on instead and went downstairs. I did that because he fits snug enough it's like a full-body light compression bandage.

And chickened out and walked out of the auditions. The burst of stress from my arms, the pain, and trying to 'let myself go' so I could dance... I just froze up, panicked when I saw how many of the top-tier dancers were trying out at that one. Someone was very nice and pointed out, "If you don't try now, you might never." And I admitted he was right... and left. I'd say I resigned myself to just being a friend to the dancers, but later in the con let me define it better. I ended up in my room, sobbing... feeling like I'd failed PonyBird, a million nasty thoughts running through my head as I vented for a few manic moments on Twitter... and woke up hours later head-first in a still-wet pillow and my face a red-eyed puffy shambled.

That night I forget what I did for dinner, but I made it to the Dance Competition proper to cheer the FUCK out of all those amazing dancers this year. Even the least of them were still entertaining, and got people moving. The best of them brought power to the whole room, and doubled the energy for the next dancer. It was the single best event I went to of the whole con, bar none. Especially finally getting to see Vegaguy perform to that song he'd shared with me almost a year ago now I think, and made me promise not to talk about. GAH! That was a hard secret to keep, the song is just so awesome. =^.^=

So, after that I ran to relax in my room, and suit up for Recca's set. I missed it, and for that I'm incredibly sorry. But this was the night I needed, because PonyBird I think nudged me to step outside my room... I didn't even have a destination in mind, I just walked down towards the far elevators with some vague thought of getting a soda or stopping by onai's room maybe.

I ended up running into someone that was so drunk they couldn't walk, being helped along by a friend they'd called in a panic with more-or-less the message "Help! I'm wasted..."

What started as me trying to help them to a room went up to hotel security finding us, me explaining the situation as the other two were either occupied handling the potato sack, or being said potato sack, and I was articulate enough and experienced enough to talk them into letting us take her to their room to sleep it off.

Thus began the expedition across the hotel down to the 3rd floor, across to the OTHER elevator bank that went to the right tower, and scooping up the potato-sack's ride home along the way. On the final floor the potato-sack lost the last of it's limbs, so... crouch, hips... up... firemans-carry which is a helluva good workout I realize now.

The single biggest compliment I got that night I think is that their ride was recently discharged and immediately made a comment that I think was, "It's a bitch in full armor when the plates keep knocking the back of your head, isn't it?" which led to discussion of me never serving due to epilepsy while we treated the potato-sack, etc; wonderful icebreaker to get such a compliment that I was Doing It Right from someone trained to know.

That... took about 2-3 hours to finish, so I wasn't loosed on the world until well after Recca's set started. And I ended up mostly chatting with that ex-armed-forces-medic (I forget the branch, sorry!) and the con-staffer we'd interacted w/ w.r.t. the potato-sack, etc, for most of that evening, chatting with other friends for a few more hours, etc, not sleeping until nearly 5am. XD

---

Sunday I'll cover later, I need to run AFK for a bit, so here's most of FWA... I know I missed pointing out when the fursuiters flash-mobbed MoMoCon, that was epic to participate in, but I'll get to the rest later tonight.

Go poke here, and bring $25: Icons/Badges Journal w/ details

They're nice, very colourful and softly-lit and textured, go see!

<--- Go commission this guy! --->


What he DOESN'T need:
* Complete references. He'll work with you! Hell... one of mine was 'species, idea, go!' and the other he drew up the reference sheet.
* Duct-tape dummies aren't needed, no headaches with having to make one and send it. Just patience and a tape measure you can pick up for $0.99 at wal-mart!

And I say this as someone that's bought not one, but two beautifully-fitting fursuits from him. He doesn't need you to do a complicated duct-tape dummy, just whip out a measuring tape. He's communicative, friendly, and doesn't bite even if asked! =^.^= He's not joking when he says the vision in his heads and mobility in general is top-notch, I've played hackey-sack successfully wearing mine, and never need railings or much caution when going up or down stairs at all. =^.^=

I have a minivan rental, able to hold as many as 7 folks, or (realistically) 4 + fursuiter levels of cargo, and I mean 2+ 25G action packers each.

Poke my via a DM on Twitter if possible for a ride today (Thursday) and I'll help out however I can. :)

I'm sure some people are wondering where my 'day ten' of my ten-day meme is. I could confess a crush (already done whenever it applies, directly to the individual it applies to), some past sin (um... I've done stupid shit in my 30 years on this rock, who hasn't?) or other things. But I see no need/reason to.

What little tiny fragment of secrets I have, I keep that way for a very important reason; because revealing them publically would cause more harm to others than myself or show I'm untrustworthy which is equally harmful in it's own way to many including myself.

So, no, not even a pretty-formatted 'sorry, no day ten for you' post. Just a bit of plain-jane text here. Sorry!

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

---

=^.^=

ε=ε=ε=┌(;´Д`)ﾉ

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

---

1) Height differences. I like to either be able to put my chin on someone easilly, or vice-versa.

2) On females I've found I enjoy the look of facial piercings. On males it's a null effect either way.

3) On males by contrast, long hair and no beard/mustache is very nice. On females I don't care what their hair length is oddly.

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

---

1) Overly muscled body types. I don't like feeling like I'm hugging steel cables.

2) Overly thin body types. I don't like feeling like I'm going to shatter you giving you a hug. And I give lots of hugs. =^.^=

3) Inability to speak in an adult way. When conversation with you sounds more like baby-talk than actual words it gets grating to me.

4) Freaking out if I curse. I use curse words, my mom does, my dad does, it's just how we are. They're just more words to us.

---

Yes, these may sound like odd things to list as turn-offs. I don't have a lot of physical or mental things that actually gross me out, in large part because I have a reduced/limited sense of smell so the obvious stuff (B.O.) is simply off the table as a turn-off compared to things I'll notice every time I interact with someone. I'm very touchy-glompy, and chew people's ears off, so those things that interact in that way are where my turn-offs lie.

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

---





Edit: Rewrote to only be other FA users for now, so it flows better. And yes, I had fun arranging them like that. SPOOKED VEX! =^.^=

is selling some really cute badges and has a couple slots free at the moment! Go look, buy a badge! They're really nice and unique!

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

---

1) I wish I never stopped fursuiting for so many years.

2) I wish I never hid my feelings from those I care about.

3) I wish I hadn't taken so long to learn that trust should not always be given a third, fourth, or fifth time.

4) I wish I had never stopped taking art classes.

5) I wish I had never moved to central California, and hadn't waited so long to fight to move out of that hellhole.

6) I wish I hadn't taken my schooling for granted and blown it off growing up.

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

---

1) Have I eaten recently?

2) Do I need to go take a shower? (Yes, I consider this all the time... I'll take 2-3 showers a day at a con often, even if NOT suiting.)

3) I need to work on XYZ more. (For various cycling values of XYZ.)

4) Mmm... good song! (This pops into my head all the time, remembering songs I've heard years ago and 'hearing' them in my head.)

5) Wondering how my friends are doing.

6) I wish I was driving right now.

7) Wishing I didn't live so far away from everyone now... it made financial sense but I'm starting to long for more social contact.

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

---

1) Let me help. It's one of the smallest things I do for friends. I have little time, but I often have cash or supplies I can leverage, or friends that have either of those or time on their hands and owe me a favor.

2) Take what I say at face value. I mean it. If I ask, "How ya' doing?" I honestly want to know, good to bad. =^.^=

3) Don't break my trust. I give it freely, and openly, but once bitten twice shy and all that. This means say what you mean, and mean it.

4) Invite me to things, even if you don't think I can make it. I might surprise you, and at worst it lets me know ya' thought of me. =^.^=

5) Get me random gifts! It can be something you make, something you buy, or whatever, but little kitsch stuff (even stuff that doesn't directly apply to either of us, just looks neat) gives me something to remember you by.

6) Teach me something I didn't know before! Share your knowledge with me, it's sweet, sweet brain-ambrosia for me. Be it teaching me how to do a dance-move, or how to solve some type of equation, or how to adjust the valve-timing on a motorcycle, anything! I want to learn until the day I die, and maybe even beyond that if science finds a way! :D

7) Understand that I'll vanish into my own world from time to time. I haven't forgotten about you, but I occasionally need to go soaring off on my own and just glide wherever the currents take me. I will come back, and am never more than a text-message away!

8) Don't try to make me give casual promises. Promises to me are a very, Very, VERY dearly given thing, and not one I give lightly or without deep consideration, not even to those I love the most.

There is no 'Day One' for me as I make a point of telling people what I think.

---

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

---

1) I don't trust anything I program, at all, ever. I'll accept it as working, but I still mistrust it at some deep-seated level.

2) I love maintenance. As in I enjoy doing the minor bits-and-pieces like airing out my fursuit, breaking scrap up for recycling, day-to-day stuff on my car, etc.

3) I hate my birth first-name, as it implies a religious belief I do not subscribe to personally.

4) I'm a Stocist by and large. I used to call myself a variant of Buddhism with some Native American beliefs, but recent this LiveJournal post by Elf Sternberg let me find the more accurate term to base my beliefs on.

5) I haven't worn shoes except those in fursuit feet in over 2 years now. Even when shoveling snow, the most I've worn is sandals. And one of my fursuits has sandals in the feet even, not shoes.

6) I try to live my life by a couple of old racing adages: Horsepower sells cars, torque wins races. Less braking helps more than more gas. Or in effect: It's not how fast you can go or do something, it's how long you can keep going without stopping that lets you win in the end.

7) I'm loud... like, opera-singer loud. My day-to-day voice most folks hear is me whispering. I honestly wish I wasn't so loud, as when I slip up and go full volume I'm ashamed usually, and there's so little use for my level of volume and projection these days. My horsepower, so to speak. :)

8) I don't respond to negativity if I can avoid it. I'll offer suggestions or answer questions, but I hang out with those that are positive-minded and upward-looking in their lives. This doesn't mean "always cheerful" either, you can be a positive soul while going through a very negative period in your life.

9) I love to drive. I've personally planted around 200-250kk miles in the last decade, which for someone that's almost never lived more than 5 miles from work is a lot. I drive maybe 4-5k miles a year to/from work worst-case, some years as little as 2k or even less, the remainder is all for personal pleasure. I'd happily have a 1-hour commute to/from work.

It was fun, but not $40 fun for me at least, or my other friends after discussing it with them afterwards.

It started off really slow, and kinda boring as they were funnelling us all into the main side-wing of Union Station which had all the exits out of there guarded/blocked off, so it looked... unimpressive at first glance. REALLY unimpressive, as even then the audio was ugly and over-loud due to the horrible acoustics in the room. You couldn't tell what song they were playing, it might as well have been a drum-machine they were fiddling with a loop-track on.

I'm glad I was wearing my fursuit head. It offered me around 3-9db of directional muffling (little forward, LOTS rearwards), which I was very thankful for. It gave me a wonderful escape-bubble from the crush of people by being one of maybe 3-4 people in the whole place that could stand inside of a meter of the speaker-stacks.

Once there was a good thousand people in there though it was improved, but you could never hear what songs they were playing anywhere in the room except in a parallelogram space that became the dance floor. So everyone was crushing (quite literally) into that one smallish zone in front of (and on) the main stage. It was like an acoustic force-field, and watching that occur was quite entertaining.

As for the music, they were playing good songs honestly! I was enjoying the songs when I could.

The one odd gotcha: Everything inside was free, except the hamburgers and hot-dogs. And whatever they were using to cook them with (some kind of camp-stove candle setup) was letting off fumes that gave me real shortness of breath, low blood pressure, elevated temperature, etc. I'm used to having the bass at a dance knock the wind out of me and having to take a break, but when laying on my back on a concrete-slab floor with my head and hands off, partially unzipped for 10 minutes doesn't let me get my breath back? Ugh... I know what asthma feels like now.

Please don't think I didn't enjoy myself, I did. The people there loved me, though I got some rather crude propositions and requests for photo ops I did turn down most folks on the actual dance-floor area were absolute sweethearts. Guys would do all manner of fist-tapping combinations with me and shoot video, and I've never had so many gals drag me around by my arm to get photos taken. Apparently little-red-riding-hood was a popular costume, but a lot of them couldn't find anyone willing or able to play their big-bad-wolf. *laughs*

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First odd-point of the night:

Guy: "Hey, what are you? You're not just a werewolf, are you? C'mere, I wanna get a good look..."
Me: "Were-hyena. Brown hyena." (I had to be brief most of the night and kinda shout... my multi-db muffling worked both ways.)
Guy: "Wait... the arm stripes! I just did a research paper on hyena's... aren't these from the southern part of Africa? Only ones not endangered?"
Me: "YAY! SOMEONE RECOGNIZED ME!" *TACKLEGLOMPED*
Guy's Friend: *cackles as he watches on*

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Second (and largest) odd-point of the night:

I wandered by the main stage, waved to someone... and suddenly had that arm grabbed and was yanked up onstage by them. *YOINK* Hyena on stage... =O.o= Surrounded by people, and I glance around and realize I'm at least six inches above everyone else on stage, even the main DJ, so I'm not the main sight on stage especially once you count my ears sticking up higher and my UV-reactive shirt I'm wearing. (I'm surprised so few people wore UV-reactive stuff with all the UV lights they had going.)

And the DJ starts playing I Got A Feeling.

So I start dancing. One arm goes around someone I'd been talking with off-and-on at the party for balance, other arm goes up in the air to set a pace... and suddenly I see most of the floor seem to spot me and start dancing in time to my arm. It was... kinda creepy. But yes, kinda like that too.

That lasted for about 10 minutes with various folks dancing with me on-stage, until I suddenly had a black lady (and I mean DARK skinned... and it wasn't paint or anything, I saw her out in the main hallway away from the fancy lighting later) in a rich gold tube-top style dress. Came up so the chin of my fursuit was above her head, and she started dancing with me. It was noteworthy because while every other gal was happy to let me keep my paws on one shoulder and an opposite hip and set a leisurely pace... this gal was out for blood, so to speak. >.>

I've never before then felt someone dance so aggressively and openly flaunting their sexuality before, and I've been to BDSM parties and events in the past. She grabbed my paws, one goes on her boob, under it in a way there's no way to hide she wanted the touch, the other right across her stomach/waist, per hands on top of mine, and she pressed back against me hard enough I had to spend all my thought keeping from falling over.

And then we started dancing.

I can't even describe how we danced, it was like I was a puppet to her motions and she knew how to guide masterfully. It was... a memory I'll never forget, but even not being in a distinct relationship right now I somehow felt like I was cheating. That went on for a'while until it turns out between the two of us making such a spectacle on stage and setting such a tempo we were apparently bouncing the fog-machines around enough they were glitching. It took a good minute-plus to extricate myself from the gal and clamber off stage, I'd just totally lost track of what was going on beyond keeping upright and keeping up with the gal that had wrapped me around her.

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Third and final odd-point of the night, to show some of the crude offers I had to deal with:

As I'm leaving the dance-area to get some air:

Guy #1: "Hey, c'mere, we want a photo!"
Gals (2): "Yeah, kneel down here in front of us! Come get some, doggy!"

Yes... they wanted photos with my muzzle stuffed up under their dresses/skirts, and them sitting on the edge of a table. I'm proud to say I avoided that entirely, and was polite about it by simply begging off that I needed fresh air and would be back. I did actually come back, since I gave my word I would come back once I had caught my breath, but they'd gotten bored of waiting and moved on by then.

So... a lot of memories gained, and some new insights in things I'd just never had a chance to experience before... but I don't think I'd go back without a proper date/partner to go with me next year. Definitely wouldn't risk going solo in a fullsuit, and I'm very glad I had someone with me that night as a tag-along spotter.

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Terror at the Train Station

New icon by  Eskiworks just for halloween, me infected by Venom. =^.^= F5 and all that jazz.

And pics of my fursuit meta-costume for halloween too!

Front Side Back

So, this last Tuesday the 12th I was at this wedding:



was also there, taking mad piles of pictures. She posted some of the best ones of the bride and groom on her FA account, go check them out:

Direct links to the photos: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5

I got my crotch grabbed by a drunk and very beautiful woman at the reception.

I got to see some amazing Tutting and I lost track of what other forms of dancing there.

I was blessed to be allowed to sign witness to their amazing love they have for each other.

Thanks to the wonders of text messaging and 5-6 jagerbombs in me along with several shots of vodka got to tell someone how I truly feel.

And yes, I listed that right. Something special like this? I will drink, not doing so is insulting, I just choose not to drink generally, and even with that much in me people were questioning if I'd had anything to drink at all. Like I've told folks... I'm overly-cautious around booze, but I'm also highly resistant to it. =^.^=

I'm flying out to California for a week. I'll be touching down at LAX at 09:45 on the 16th, and lifting off again at 08:10 on the 22nd.

HOWEVER! I'll be staying up in the San Jose bay area for all of this trip, not SoCal.

I'll have my car the whole time, though not the Yaris most folks here associated as 'mine' after FC. Just my previous car, my 2001 Ford Escort 4-door.

I'll have my fursuit with me.

My birthday is on the 20th.

Shenanigans! I require them!