Since I've been on here. I totally forget about this site at times. Been a while since I was involved with the furry community/Fandom and if you can't tell I'm now fully a greyfur. Mind you I was first introduced to this Fandom back in the late 90s to be exact June 8th 1999 the day I graduated high-school. im now 41 and in the next 2 weeks on Thanksgiving I will be turning 42.

So much have changed within the furry Fandom. More family friendly but so much bigotry as well. People having issues if you a certain age you can no longer be a fur? I mean who comes up with this? You think that when I'm 50 I'm not going to be a furry? Please just like the n.W.o when your in you're in 4-life.

Since the furry Fandom I was able to explore myself, helped me to et off a 10 year addiction to cocaine and helped me combat my anxiety or to learn how to live with it.

My life have been saved multiple times here.

I need some advice. I'm 37 years old and no longer sexually active. I wish I could be but I feel as though sex for me has gotten boring and non pleasurable.Not sure if its due to my relationship but when I was in my twenties I was a perverted sex driven freak. All I wanted was sex and lots of it. Now it's like I just snuggles, kisses and no sex. Not sure if this is normal or not or maybe cause of the relationship I'm in.

Felt like a really long time. But I have returned. Much has happened since I been away. As soon as I get back in the hang of things I will update. But for now just wanted to say I'm back.

Since October 10th of this year I was in a very bad domestic situation with my still bf. It was our 4th year anniversary he snaps, resulting on me having a black eye and my upper and bottom lip busted open. Mind you I been in domestic violence situations one with my father and one with my ex boyfriend. The result was jail but I never had bruises or damages to my face. On October 12th I went back to toledo to stay with my family though I been living in Pittsburgh since October of 2009. I still care about my current bf who made hamburger out of my face but I'm terrified to live with him. Many people who cares about me wants me to break the 4 year relationship off. I just too stressed to realy make a decision. I been looking at apartments for when I do come back to pittsburgh but at the same time I am scared that I will lose all the great friends I have made over the past 4 years with being with my bf cause I met most of them through the bf. I guess you can say I have so much on my plate that I need to figure out for myself. I just in all honesty wished this situation never happened.

I was wondering if anyone plays and if there is a furry guild? If so send me a message on the psn try my email wolftaur.99@gmail.com.

with everything that happens to you in real life. do you think your life reflects on your fursona's evolution of sorts? sorry just been thinking.


ok im a semi old school fur who was introduced to the community/fandom back in the summer of 99. i was wolftaur who was basically a wolf centaur but without the body of horse it was of a wolf and the human form was an anthro wolf. then i thought i had a second character by i wanted to called cid short for acid and i was a white tiger. then i did a little more searching and discovered that i was a hybrid of some sort wolf,fox,tiger owl. but over the recent years and life changing random encounters i feel as though i have came down to the real wolger surface. i wouldn't consider him a hybrid of sorts;but i feel a little mythological anthro presence. more like a gryphon. black and white lynx with a snow owl. you all know what a lynx looks like but for the owl the only part i can think of is Hedwig from harry potter.

so with my sister helping me purchase a car before i head back to Pittsburgh. since my fathers passing i noticed i been changing not just mentally but even physically. I'm hoping to accomplish some goals when i return that includes my debt. i am hoping to eliminate my debt by this summers end. then i would like to find a place for myself and my cousin who will be moving to Pittsburgh when i return which hopefully be next month sometime. so yeah i feel as though i am growing up.

well i haven't been on for quite some time which probably you all forgot who i am. well here we go down the rabbit hole of life for yours truly.

on December 6th 2014 2 weeks after my 35th birthday my dad passed away. i was there to be close to him for his passing. i am taking it as best as i can. i been in Toledo helping my sister with some things and also waiting for the will and blah blah.

i found out due to my fathers passing and with me being on social security; it was raised due to survivor benefits. after i received an update on my benefits the department of education sends me a letter stating they are going to be taking it out each month. mind you i thought my student loans were paid due to that they were no longer showing up on my credit report.

i was also hoping to get a vehicle but with the situation how it is i might not be able to accomplish that.

Monday i will be contacting the department of education and informing them on my situation. hopefully they will allow me to pay a percentage to get rid of the rest of the loan which last time i checked was 3500.

I'm just so stressed out. cause also i haven't received any information from the department of education when i even updated my address. but apparently they don't want to send the paper work to my current address all because my father and i have the same name.

so much has been going on the past year. will try to be around.

Anthrocon is coming up here and it will be my cousin Rodger fox and mine first con together. My niece had a baby girl so I am now a great uncle. Also I am thinking on creating a second fursona of a blue eyed albino racoon with black markings. I need to see it drawn out thank God AC is in a couple of weeks.

well i have moved out of my ex room mate but they are still my family, kyr and sean. i moved since i wanted to give them their space and start their next chapter in their relationship. they deserve each other. so at this time i am living with two i repeat two drag queens by the name of cindy crochford and veronica lustt. they both perform at the blue moon in lawrenceville pa. lately i been getting involved with the drag queens around pittsburgh since i used to be a drag husband it was something that i enjoyed doing. so i had the pleasure of meeting alaska thunderfvck 5000 and sharon needles; sharon with being a past winner of ru pauls drag race and alaska being on the current season. i am also on a music video of alaska's and amy vodkahaus's video for hooker shoes. i was only in it for a second or two. i am also in the process of getting my fursuit cause lets face it with me saving up money i be able to have the money in a month or two and then i can get ahold of one of my fursuit friends

much has been going on with me as of late. pretty much busy after wpafw for me. where to begin... i been cos playing for certain comic book stores and the awesome toonseum. no i do not get paid for it; but with certain comic book stores i do get items for helping them out during the cos playing.i also am no longer the owner of the 360. since i did not play it after i purchased a ps3 i decided to trade it in with all 20 games for a psvita. will type more later hands are cold.

so the couple of weeks have been very weird for me. at wpafw i volunteered again like i always do and i love doing it. and since it was my 3rd year anniversary living in pittsburgh i won something in the charity auction which was pretty awesome.

over the past month i been on celexa and anti depressant that has worked wonders. the down fall is the doctor who prescribed it for me has not once attempted to contact me nor contact the pharmacy to refill it. *sigh* so here i am worried and scared cause i do not want to fall into that abyss again.

i am no longer a owner of the 360 for i had traded it in and 17 games for the upcoming ps vita and assassins creed liberation bundle that will cost me 250 buck but now will cost me only about 65. i is smart, i also pre ordered the assassins creed 3 game since i own all of the other ones. so yeah i feel good. also within a month and a week it will be my 33rd birthday. i really want a new tatt or a fur suit but i must see what i can afford after i pay my cell phone and what not.

also i am rorschach from the watchmen well i cos play as him, in the pittsburgh comic cos play group. everyone loves the mask since it works. on the 25th will be doing something for the new dimension comic book store in butler pa. so i been busy as of late and i love it.

so there was a photo shoot for the Pittsburgh comic cos players; a group i belong to in which i co splay as Rorschach. the photo shoot went pretty good a couple of hours but it was fun. there was i Rorschach, dead pool, psylock and miss marvel. i am hoping that we get a second photo shoot done cause it was very awesome and entertaining to do. also my friend will be giving me a jacket double breasted and black. hoping it will go great.

so will not be attending it this year even though i preregistered. i can't afford a room let alone to pay for my share of a room and for the food. also with the way i been feeling as of late with being all negative and unfriendly i am thinking about just staying home. no disrespect to my friends who will miss me; but i just don't feel like being around the furs for the past 2 months. i started seeing a shrink to help me go sort my shitty mind out and am on celexa an anti depressant. so yeah this year i will be missing wpafw and being it my 3 year anniversary for living here it will suck

i was laying down and all i could think about is anger and hatred and negativity and meanness. meditation does not seem to work much any more. i am scared to really tell the people around me how i feel why some of them scare me and why i can't be around them due to my fear of pissing them off and making them not like me. the borderline personality disorder is getting worse the depression is at least getting help but the ptsd due to that is in both affects of the bpd and the depression i fear as though nothing i say or do will make anything better in my life.

some people that i do care about since one is family kinda makes me wants to fight or flee due to the way he talks to me as like my ex chris did. the one who i was friends with but ; it seems as though over the year it just got worse, the way he talked to me made my skin crawl even worse that if i didn't leave when we get in an argument it would been of a physical alteration. see i hate tha
t part of my ptsd and bpd i hate it to the point that i start thinking about suicide. yeah i know stupid.

to my room mates who i adore and love as family; meaning i would die for them both if given the circumstances. i know this is stupid for thinking this but i know 32 years old and they sometimes scare me. one who i lived with for 3 long and beautiful years has helped me understand myself just a little; but talking to him is like trying to talk to my dad (neither one please don't take it to heart) meaning its hard cause all i want to do is make him proud and think hey this person is not all fucked... to the younger one i fear of pissing him off for the slightest bump.

i try to walk on egg shells cause i am scared of having the things that are affecting my life to be pulled from under me. i do not know what to do....

apparently the department of education are going to abolish my loans.... they sent paperwork to my dad for me but now i don't need to worry about paying them. i just send them the paper work and from there done finished etc.

lastnight i was at my local gay bar called the blue moon in lawrenceville bascially a 20 minute walk. my night was going great hanging out with friends enjoying a couple of drinks, and just enjoying the evening. i was there from 6pm to alittle after close which was 2 am. anywho; as i was sitting at the bar talking to my friend about 4 people who i never knew comes walking into the bar, the manager who i became friends with just recently and all the bartenders just literally ran over to the 4 individuals. so i asked my friend billy (cindy crotchford) who the fuck are they? not thinking any of it cause half of the group were fucking hot; he turns to me and says hun your in the presence of royalty. i looked at him dumbfounded like huh. now mind you i was a drag husband for 5 years and i never really had seen any incident like this. then i understood when he said thats sharon needles< alaska thunderfuck and amy forgot her name has to do with whorehouse or something like that manner, and i basically became all fan boy *facepalms* i asked sharon if i was able to take her picture with her and alska. she allowed me to and she was just so awesome to talk to. also since i became an regular at the blue moon andy wants me to try and bring some fursuiters to the bar. i am like lols this is going to be awkward but i will try. so yeah lastnight was pretty remembering. also i have prroof i met sharon needles i have her pic on my facebook. so yeah head explodes. the ohio drag community isn't this royal trust me i know.

pittsburgh dad was at anthrocon.............. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA don't believe me look up pittsburgh dad on youtube.

so unlike any other ac this one was extremely different for me. why you ask? cause i was popular...*sigh* thats right i was extremely popularity *sigh* lets start this out. thursday i woke up early as hell to get to ac and once i got there furs were basically surrounding me as soon as i got to the registration area. now figure i am not so used to having people just engulf me who i didn't know well and who i didn't know at all. like i said weird lol. hanging out with so many awesome furs who said i was awesome..... *shrugs* ok i won't argue with them. was there till about 230 a,m then went home. woke up friday morning early as fuck again. got to ac about 930 am i know weird right. met hush who i mistaken for someone else who lives in pittsburgh or who i thought. anywho we talked for a good portion of the morning and she drew my fursona will scan it when i can and then went on my marry way. met more new people and was like wtf is going on lol i am normally not this social. met furs from the uk, australia, holland germany and japan. stayed till late friday again but walked home since no busses were running voodoowolf has became my honorary furry sister. can't help it we bonded at ac 2010 and her husband is awesome was hoping to see him as well but he couldn't make it. anywho saturday cam back early as fuck again with only having 3 hours of sleep. more furs more pics and so forth. i was like a chicken with my head cut off. doing stuff for wpafw with flanowa. hanged out with hiromikitsune who i haven't seen in over 9 years. shit happens yo. the highlight i must say well there was a couple on saturday. meeting toast the rabbit who i apparently knew back when i first found the furry community. his original name was alpine arctic fox from ann arbor michigan. we were running down names i said rodgerfox and his eyes litted up and he said wolger even though my name is on my tag but after i said 1 name he knew who i was. it was awesome. got a picture with him and 2 and it was awesome. everyone said it looked like i was a bad ass with two bitches in myarms. oy. now sunday was awesome and yet depressing since it was the last day of the con. after i watch the most awesome dance competition of fursuiters who silvermoon wolf was just so damn awesome i went outside for some air and came back to watch the awesome re showing of the japanese acrobatic fursuiter forgive me i can not remember his name. anywho his show was very emotional for me. after the show i left and was walking dow to the dealer room to see if voodoo wolf was around she wasn't *sadface* so i went back upstair and while i was walking looked around and went gah then 2 looked down and said gah. so i said you scared the shit out of me his reply if someone like me was behind me i would had the shit scared of me aswell then he noticed my ink and we started talking about tatts. 20 minutes it felt like. just him and i walking side by side talking. was awesome. then the furs says you know the furry mafia boss.... dude i told them he is a human being a person then they said your popular... i am like right. ac was great and looking forward for next year.

pride is over with and now its time to roll out the paw printed red carpet for anthrocon 2012. which is really awesome looking forward for that. going to enjoy hanging out and meeting new and old friends.

then a month and a half will be pennsic and i am so looking forward for making new friends there as well. since i be camping with a new camp.

the only down fall on not camping with the original camp is cause of the awesome location. but hey atleast there be more trees and shade.

speaking of pride the fellow clan blue feather i was talking to asked me if i was going to camp with them this year. i told him no but it is a very nice offer.

i really do not want to be in drama. i rather make new friends and meet new people.

like pride went the awesome time i had with making new friends was just so bloody awesome. i am hoping that anthrocon and pennsic will be the same.

also i hope that this will not get worse. it always does when great things are going on in my life.

ignorant people and to be honest i wish i could be done with myself cause i am very fucking ignorant. but people around me well not the majority of my friends but some can be really fucking ignorant as well. my anxiety and anger is at its peak and i wish i could hulk out it might just withdraw a lot of tension. or hell bust my head open to just enjoy feeling the blood raing down my face. but people want to call me insane at times i can be when i have no control over my anxiety and anger; but i will never intentionally hurt anyone. only myself. i think that is they reason why i was a cutter back in highschool.

lets see here i guess working out has been doing good for me. a photographer from pittsburgh out took pictures of my man titties lol. had a twink leather boi *sigh* checked me out 2 times and this fucking time i noticed and he made me blush lol. nope didn't talk to him but asked some of my friends who are in the pittsburgh bears community what the colors of yellow and black meant. since i thought it was the colors of pittsburgh.... NOOOOOO not what that meant..... WATER SPORTS!...... OY

anywho been making some new friends in and out of the furry community. since i started going to the blue moon. met the owner andy he is a very awesome person. bumped into him at pride. he was tanked. bumped into the billy a drag quen (they want to be called drag queens here i am used to calling them female illussionists.) billy is awesome.

the pride parade was a total of 20 minutes longer this year then it was last year. seen a couple of people from pennsic's clan blue feather. many of furs aswell in and out of the parade. got hugged by a couple of friends who are furs. made my day so much better. it started out as soon as i got to the pittsburgh pride fest that a pastor who sounded gayer then any other of the gays at pride was stating we are all going to hell and burning for all eternity. i just walked ever so close to him and placed my middle finger straight in his face and kept walking. wanting to break his jaw but i would had got thrown in jail and no one needs that.

but yeah over all i give the day a 9 out of 10. now 4 more days till anthrocon and for next years pride i am hoping i have a suit done by then. fire has some awesome plans.

http://supermov.com/video/598444/ the hero is african american and the persident of the united states is a sarah palin type character. must see to believe.

many of you know about my past with addiction and abuse from my ex of 5 years; but those weren't the only time that we had. before the abuse and addiction started the relationship like many others was very loving. the abuse and addiction didn't start until a year after we were together; even though i was a recovering coke addict myself. any ways; even though my ex and i have not been together for 3 years what happened to him this past january has been eating at my soul and to be honest i do love him, i never meant for what happened to him happen and in ways blame myself for well the damage that has done to him.

let me bring you up to date; this past january almost 3 years exact of him and i breaking up he fell/passed out while being at a friends place. he was unresponsive but was breathing. early in the day he was complaining on headaches. i tell you first hand he had headaches just like me. they became migranes but with me having permament cuncussions due to me getting hit by a car; but enough about my injury lets finish with what happened to him.

chris was like i said unresponsive and was then rushed to the hospital in which they found hemoraging(sp) in his brain, an anerysum poped and his blood pressure was over the charts, he suffered multiple strokes and was in an induced coma for majority of that month maybe longer. i do not know since his family started their drama.

on new years eve we talked, a week before this incident accured. i was hoping that he would had been getting his health under control like he was telling me over the phone but you can not really tell just by being over the phone. it was nice talking to him. i did and do miss him. miss the good times not the bad times.

this past weekend i get a facebook message from his ex boyfriend, the ex before me and he tells me that chris is in a nursing home and is doing better.
my reaction is i am glad he is doing better but if he honestly cared about his health he would had quit smoking, stopped doing coke and got his blood pressure under control. durring the past 48 hours my mind has been thinking about him. i know for a fact chris is no longer the chris i was with, the diva i was in love with due to he will never be the same again due to the stroke.

i do blame myself for what happened to him. he never quit loving me even after the breakup. *sigh* and i know its not my fault for his health but i can not help but blame myself. *shrugs* so yeah and before ANYONE CRITICIZES ME for still loving my ex. remember one thing YOU could had BEEN in MY SHOES!