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General | Posted 12 years agoSo I have TONS AND TONS of art that has never seen the light of FA. Probably gonna start uploading it slowly soon. So expect some never before seen art of this wuff. :3
There -miiiiiiight- be a few dirty stuff included, also. >.>
There -miiiiiiight- be a few dirty stuff included, also. >.>
Time Passes
General | Posted 13 years ago Rejection hurts... It's probably one of the worse non-physical pains and feelings you can have. To know that someone you love so much just doesn't feel that way in return is absolutely heartbreaking.
However, in the wake of that, as time passes and life goes on, (an unstoppable force) Things change. They get easier and a lot of things just seem to happen on their own. You grow stronger. My wound was deep... There will be scarring and that's just something that I'll have to live on with for the rest of my life.
I think... It hurt right up until I met someone else, and realized that there is actually someone else out there that might be for me. He puts up with my fragility, which is a godsend, because I'm unreasonably insecure at times, but working so so hard to toughen myself up and improve.
Feelings I thought would never happen again are rushing back in, and there are so many, I don't have room for the negative ones anymore. I'll be pushing all of those bad feelings out, little by little, and making myself better.
I want to give special thanks to people who've stuck by me through all of my bitterness, depression, tears, and bad days. So thank you Indi, Jynx, Robin, Feros, Mary, Icarus, David, Steph, Deke, Steve, JP, Heartwood, Sam, Sean, and even my dog Huey... Man that list is long, huh? I'm so lucky... And last but most certainly not least, thank you Pilot... You've really turned this wolf's life upside down and made me excited for the future again. :3 I look forward to our bond strengthening, and I look forward to all the growing we're going to help each other do. I've already grown so very much.
However, in the wake of that, as time passes and life goes on, (an unstoppable force) Things change. They get easier and a lot of things just seem to happen on their own. You grow stronger. My wound was deep... There will be scarring and that's just something that I'll have to live on with for the rest of my life.
I think... It hurt right up until I met someone else, and realized that there is actually someone else out there that might be for me. He puts up with my fragility, which is a godsend, because I'm unreasonably insecure at times, but working so so hard to toughen myself up and improve.
Feelings I thought would never happen again are rushing back in, and there are so many, I don't have room for the negative ones anymore. I'll be pushing all of those bad feelings out, little by little, and making myself better.
I want to give special thanks to people who've stuck by me through all of my bitterness, depression, tears, and bad days. So thank you Indi, Jynx, Robin, Feros, Mary, Icarus, David, Steph, Deke, Steve, JP, Heartwood, Sam, Sean, and even my dog Huey... Man that list is long, huh? I'm so lucky... And last but most certainly not least, thank you Pilot... You've really turned this wolf's life upside down and made me excited for the future again. :3 I look forward to our bond strengthening, and I look forward to all the growing we're going to help each other do. I've already grown so very much.
On Happiness
General | Posted 13 years agoI've fought with myself these past few months on what I thought I needed to be happy. Recent events in my life seemed to cripple me from every angle. I had no self esteem. I thought I was ugly, worthless, and was sure that I'd never be able to find happiness again. I became mopey, emotional and a downright drag to be around.
My issue was that I believed that I HAD to have someone else in my life to be happy. I'm starting to come around to the view that I can't look to someone else to create happiness for me. I have to reach down, somewhere in my hardened heart, and shake it loose. I'm going to create my own happiness. When I can do that, and be content living the way I want, and loving myself for who I am, I just might be able to find someone to share that with.
Every thing that's happened up until now has happened, and I can't change that. My feelings I've learned aren't going to change either. Love isn't something easily found or dispatched. When you truly love someone, you're always going to love them. But instead of looking on those memories past and being sad and regretful, I'll look at them and be glad they happened. I'll recall how fantastically happy I was then and try everything to gain that happiness again, on my own.
My issue was that I believed that I HAD to have someone else in my life to be happy. I'm starting to come around to the view that I can't look to someone else to create happiness for me. I have to reach down, somewhere in my hardened heart, and shake it loose. I'm going to create my own happiness. When I can do that, and be content living the way I want, and loving myself for who I am, I just might be able to find someone to share that with.
Every thing that's happened up until now has happened, and I can't change that. My feelings I've learned aren't going to change either. Love isn't something easily found or dispatched. When you truly love someone, you're always going to love them. But instead of looking on those memories past and being sad and regretful, I'll look at them and be glad they happened. I'll recall how fantastically happy I was then and try everything to gain that happiness again, on my own.
The Weight of Existence
General | Posted 13 years agoIt was as if he never opened his eyes at all. Every direction he looked was pure darkness. He even looked down at himself only to find that emptiness stared back at him. He called out into the void, loudly. There was no echo, and there was no response. He wasn't even sure he heard his own voice or if it was just in his head.
Taking a step forward, he reached out, his hands trying to find some sort of object to ground him. To give him some kind of idea where he was and where he should be nothing. Only air greeted his fingertips as he pulled them back around his own body, finding solace in the fact that at least he still existed.
He took a few more steps forward, slowly and cautiously into the blackness, turning his head in every direction merely out of habit, for there was nothing to see at all. Pitch darkness greeted him in every direction he desperately gazed.
His thoughts fired off now, trying hard to stay sane, his focus bouncing off dread after dread. Was this what it was like to die? "No..." he thought. "I can't be dead... I still exist..."
He began to panic, and recall the last few things he could remember. Christmas Eve... Bad decisions... The thought process eventually turned to sorrow and he began to weep to no one.
Wherever he was at wasn't hot... It wasn't cold either. The temperature was as neutral as it could be, tempting his mind even further toward chaos. A frigid blizzard or even even a sweltering heat wave would be welcoming compared to this.
As the nothingness seemed to drag on forever, he began to trudge. His body became heavy and his movements sluggish, as if the gravity increased with every silent step he took. His mind was numb and empty now, and his eyes stayed shut, as if it actually mattered. At least then his brain could make sense of why there was no light of any kind.
Voices in his head began to creep in, remarking on how pointless everything was, and how he should just give up. Was his life over? Was he doomed to wander the rest of his "existence" in a state such as this?
His persona shouted down the voices, tearing through them with a simple thought. "What matters, is that I keep trying to do what I believe is right..."
He pressed his hand to his heart and focused on the beating. Yes, he was still alive. Trudging along, time seemed to stand still, the weight ever increasing as he journeyed. Was he crawling now, on his knees? Maybe... It didn't matter. To give up would be to die at this point.
Without hesitation, he searched through the lonely void for a light, the weight crushing down upon him more heavily with each passing moment.
Box
General | Posted 13 years ago He took a deep breath and stepped in, the pressures of the outside bearing down on him like fangs. Without hesitation, the door latched behind him with a click. Standing solemnly, he looked around. Pale glass stared at him from every direction, it's only offering being a small glimpse of the outside world if he gave all his attention to focus on it.
For an instant, there was relief. The pressures of were gone and all was quiet. Before the hour had passed however, his lips and fingertips were sore from gnawing on them. Suddenly that faint view of the world became clear. Brightness, laughter, and peace were all there, just pass the glass.
He shook his head and pushed on the door. It jiggled for a moment but did not give way. Frantically, he banged and kicked and slammed on the door with all his might. The decision weighed heavily on him and the pressure came back. Panic set in and he began to scream as steady streams of tears poured down his cheeks and onto the slick, marble floor beneath him. No one seemed to notice his struggles, everything outside going on as if he were silent and invisible to the world.
After a while, the tears had formed a puddle, up to his ankles. From his struggling, everything hurt. His hands, feet, knees, eyes, head and heart all throbbed with pain and regret. He had closed and locked the door of his own volition. The world outside remained calm. There were smiles on the faces of those he knew, and those he didn't. Were they in their own boxes too?
The water was up to his knees now. "Stop crying...", he thought. "Stop crying or it's just going to happen faster." Try as he might to quell the tears, they fell from his cheeks as quickly as ever, sealing his fate. He looked up into the air and took his last breath, the corners of his mouth curled into a smile. He had brought this on himself.
For an instant, there was relief. The pressures of were gone and all was quiet. Before the hour had passed however, his lips and fingertips were sore from gnawing on them. Suddenly that faint view of the world became clear. Brightness, laughter, and peace were all there, just pass the glass.
He shook his head and pushed on the door. It jiggled for a moment but did not give way. Frantically, he banged and kicked and slammed on the door with all his might. The decision weighed heavily on him and the pressure came back. Panic set in and he began to scream as steady streams of tears poured down his cheeks and onto the slick, marble floor beneath him. No one seemed to notice his struggles, everything outside going on as if he were silent and invisible to the world.
After a while, the tears had formed a puddle, up to his ankles. From his struggling, everything hurt. His hands, feet, knees, eyes, head and heart all throbbed with pain and regret. He had closed and locked the door of his own volition. The world outside remained calm. There were smiles on the faces of those he knew, and those he didn't. Were they in their own boxes too?
The water was up to his knees now. "Stop crying...", he thought. "Stop crying or it's just going to happen faster." Try as he might to quell the tears, they fell from his cheeks as quickly as ever, sealing his fate. He looked up into the air and took his last breath, the corners of his mouth curled into a smile. He had brought this on himself.
10 Free Sketches!!! [full]
General | Posted 15 years agoI'm seriously wanting to work on my art. Plus this just seems like a great idea! 10 absolutely FREE sketches. And if I -really- like it, in the spirit of me getting better, I'll do more. Who wants some. :)
1.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4695861/
2.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4695861/
3.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4720299/
4.
5.
Done in personal sketchbook.
6.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5089678/
7.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5089737/
8.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5019455/
9.
10.
1.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4695861/ 2.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4695861/ 3.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4720299/4.
5.
Done in personal sketchbook.6.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5089678/7.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5089737/8.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5019455/9.
10.
Short Story Commissions?
General | Posted 15 years agoIn order to give me some incentive to work on my writing, I'm gonna see about taking some short story commissions.
I'm good with sappy romantic stuff, and straight up dirty porn. X3
Let's say 5 bucks for a story about as long as my "Cowboy Porn" submission! I'll even throw in a free sketch of a particular point in the story (just to drive me to work on art too). Just reply here or note me. :3 Thanks guys!
I'm good with sappy romantic stuff, and straight up dirty porn. X3
Let's say 5 bucks for a story about as long as my "Cowboy Porn" submission! I'll even throw in a free sketch of a particular point in the story (just to drive me to work on art too). Just reply here or note me. :3 Thanks guys!
