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Dead or Alive 5 And Borderlands 2
Posted 13 years agoI got both by freak accident...
Add me on xbox LIVE at nMemoriam and let's throw down ;3
Add me on xbox LIVE at nMemoriam and let's throw down ;3
RIDE THE VANGUARD!!! D:<
Posted 13 years agoDoes anyone on here play the Cardfight Vanguard TCG? I just started getting into it this weekend...GoldPallys FTW...
Break that already broken bank...
Break that already broken bank...
Crystal Desert Roll Call Please
Posted 13 years agoI will be starting guildwars 2 tonight after class. Can I get a head count of players on my watch list that play in Crystal Desert?
:c RF Meme :c
Posted 13 years agoWhere are you staying?
At home :c
What day are you getting there?
NEVER o~o
Who will you be with?
FOREVER ALOOOONE T~T
Point being, I won't be going this year. It makes me sad cuz I really wanted to, but with my job situation flopping on me and my finances flopping worse, it's just not possible unless someone wants to pick me up for a free car pool. I miss alot of you. I hope you all have fun. Maybe I'll see you at FC. Or maybe next year I guess... :c
The rest of the meme for you lucky people:
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Are there any panels you might be attending?
Will you be suiting?
Do you do free art?
Do you do trades?
Do you do badges?
Do you do commissions?
What is your gender?
How tall are you?
Are you taken? Are you looking for a 'mate'?
Can I talk to you?
Can I touch you?
How can I find you?
Can I visit your room?
Can I buy you drinks?
Can I give you stuff?
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Are you nice?
How long are you going?
Do you have an artist table?
Will you be going to parties?
Will you be performing?
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
What/where will you be eating?
Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Can I look in your sketchbook?
Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Can I take your picture?
What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
At home :c
What day are you getting there?
NEVER o~o
Who will you be with?
FOREVER ALOOOONE T~T
Point being, I won't be going this year. It makes me sad cuz I really wanted to, but with my job situation flopping on me and my finances flopping worse, it's just not possible unless someone wants to pick me up for a free car pool. I miss alot of you. I hope you all have fun. Maybe I'll see you at FC. Or maybe next year I guess... :c
The rest of the meme for you lucky people:
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Are there any panels you might be attending?
Will you be suiting?
Do you do free art?
Do you do trades?
Do you do badges?
Do you do commissions?
What is your gender?
How tall are you?
Are you taken? Are you looking for a 'mate'?
Can I talk to you?
Can I touch you?
How can I find you?
Can I visit your room?
Can I buy you drinks?
Can I give you stuff?
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Are you nice?
How long are you going?
Do you have an artist table?
Will you be going to parties?
Will you be performing?
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
What/where will you be eating?
Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Can I look in your sketchbook?
Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Can I take your picture?
What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Want Sexy Art?
Posted 13 years agoHelp this guy fulfil his needs... D:<
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:28388273
His arts...oh god his arts...
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:28388273
His arts...oh god his arts...
Guild Wars 2
Posted 13 years agoWho's getting it? I'm trying to decide if it's worth my time and junk ._.
I don't even know if my comp can handle so much awesome...
I don't even know if my comp can handle so much awesome...
Life changes and shit :/
Posted 13 years agoSo after a really long week, the dust is setting and I'm edging into a 'plan' i guess you'd say...
After hella fucking applications and probably a lot of luck, I landed a new job at a fairly high class restaurant down here that will be replacing my currently crappy 'job' that I've BEEN doing. I turned in my 2 week notice Friday...my last day is actually tomorrow...funny how that works out.
I've agreed to stay for a semester in hopes that with a hopefully better job and school, I'll hopefully be preoccupied enough not to depress over how much I hate it here. Fulfilling this agreement will also mean that SUPPOSEDLY if I'm still unhappy at its end, my parents will let me move back to WA grief free :/ I have alot of mixed feelings on that whole situation right now...
I have however decided not to attempt to pick up any more classes for school this semester. With a new job, that frankly has me a little stressed out, and my recent personal mood swings...or downward spirals...I feel it's pry best I lay low this semester, which is kind of shitty because then 'staying' for a semester doesn't really do much but give my parents more time in which for me to hopefully enjoy being in Bakersfield.
This is my official announcement that I won't be attending rainfurrest. As of Monday I had 5$ left in my bank acc...I just flat out can't pull like 600$ out of my pocket for airfare, room costs and whatever else I'd need. I don't even have a place to stay anymore. I'm hoping that I can make FC but who the fuck knows :/ I'm honestly pretty down about the fact that I won't be seeing anyone in WA anytime soon but if I think on it too much it just exacerbates my issues.
So yeh. Willingly agreeing to stay shackled in the hell hole. No immediate routes of escape. Fun stuff :/ I'm honestly just having to repeat to myself that every few months I have a brief window to change my mind and move away and that if I stay past those windows, maybe I can get out of here in a year and a half if I crunch full schedules starting next semester including summer classes.
I'm still really not happy with any of this. My counselor says I shouldn't have to fake that I am so I'm not going to :/
After hella fucking applications and probably a lot of luck, I landed a new job at a fairly high class restaurant down here that will be replacing my currently crappy 'job' that I've BEEN doing. I turned in my 2 week notice Friday...my last day is actually tomorrow...funny how that works out.
I've agreed to stay for a semester in hopes that with a hopefully better job and school, I'll hopefully be preoccupied enough not to depress over how much I hate it here. Fulfilling this agreement will also mean that SUPPOSEDLY if I'm still unhappy at its end, my parents will let me move back to WA grief free :/ I have alot of mixed feelings on that whole situation right now...
I have however decided not to attempt to pick up any more classes for school this semester. With a new job, that frankly has me a little stressed out, and my recent personal mood swings...or downward spirals...I feel it's pry best I lay low this semester, which is kind of shitty because then 'staying' for a semester doesn't really do much but give my parents more time in which for me to hopefully enjoy being in Bakersfield.
This is my official announcement that I won't be attending rainfurrest. As of Monday I had 5$ left in my bank acc...I just flat out can't pull like 600$ out of my pocket for airfare, room costs and whatever else I'd need. I don't even have a place to stay anymore. I'm hoping that I can make FC but who the fuck knows :/ I'm honestly pretty down about the fact that I won't be seeing anyone in WA anytime soon but if I think on it too much it just exacerbates my issues.
So yeh. Willingly agreeing to stay shackled in the hell hole. No immediate routes of escape. Fun stuff :/ I'm honestly just having to repeat to myself that every few months I have a brief window to change my mind and move away and that if I stay past those windows, maybe I can get out of here in a year and a half if I crunch full schedules starting next semester including summer classes.
I'm still really not happy with any of this. My counselor says I shouldn't have to fake that I am so I'm not going to :/
Why so stressed?
Posted 13 years agoSome people have picked up that the last week or so I've been increasingly stressed out. This is due in part to the fact that I'm coming down the wire mark where I have to make another big life change.
After some weird turns of events, the Everett Olive Garden and I may be geting back together. Long story short, the GM that fired me was sacked and I'm eligible for rehire. With their togo section wrecked and in need of stability, I'm a great candidate to jump in and get to work. I have to decide whether or not to contact the GM wednesday to try and get my job back. If they can offer me my old position, with my original starting wage and the promise for at least 4 shifts a week, it would be extremely beneficial to relocate again.
But wusky, what about school?
ATM, I really don't feel motivated to go, to be honest. Being in Bakersfield between dealing with my parents, fighting with trying to get a stable job and getting shot down for more school classes has really worn on me and it's left me feeling like I don't really have that drive I had when I was living more independently in WA. This makes the thought of starting school daunting and when coupled with the reality that doing so would lock me into more time in this shit home I've just grown more and more upset.
My thought process has shifted to where I really wish I would've gone through the proper channels to figure out my educational plan IN WA BEFORE I made the jump to move to CA. I still wanna go to school. I still want to get a higher education. I still want to field in a career outside of working in a restaurant, but atm I'm just having a lot of difficulties justifying going about it down here. I would rather be happy in my environment and take a little more time getting through school than having to wake up everyday and drag myself through life because 'it's what I'm expected to do'.
My parents do not in any way shape or form condone me moving again. They've argued with me multiple times just at the thought of me moving and it's not really getting anywhere on that end. My dad's gone so far as to say he'll keep my car on the grounds that 'he can't trust me to be responsible and make payments if I relocate'. Then of course I get the usual arguments that I've only been here for 3 months now (soon to be 4) and haven't given it enough of a chance and that I'm simply not trying hard enough. All of these reasonings really piss me off. For starters, in the 3 months I've been down here, I've picked up and heavily excelled at poi spinning. I've pulled together a local fur group that now hosts almost weekly meets. I've gotten a job. I've gotten a car. I've met a ton of new people. To help fix the crappy aspects, every week I'm dropping a good 10 applications to find a better job and I'm constantly checking to see if new classes are opening up at my CC. If that isn't trying hard enough to enjoy myself and not giving a good run, please tell me. After all of this, I feel beaten down on the last two becuse with CA's crappy economy, work is near impossible to find and the CCs in town are so over packed even the waiting lists are booked solid :/ That and my parents' logic that once school starts all my problems will just melt away really bugs me. Even if school could keep me busy (with my whole 2 classes...) it won't make me any happier. I'll just be waking up every day and going through the motions while I throw myself into a stasis to muddle through time. They also say going on antidepressants and sleeping medications would help. Mother fuck if I'm going to go on meds so I can cope going day to day in my crappy bakersfield life :/
I've recently started seeing a therapist. She hit a lot of valid points and aside from being shocked school was so important to me that I'd willingly put myself in a situation like this, she also gave me some fairly good advice. If I want to be here, I'll find a way to make it work. But it hit the nail on the head that I DON'T want to be here :/ I came here because I was under the impression my parents were going to give me a free ride over the next two years and that I would be able to cope with relocating to my hometown where I was hoping to build myself back up so I could move back to WA with an AA...what moving's actually done if cost me my 1500$ in savings, and drained me in a handful of different ways.
I'm not happy here...I don't like it here...I just wanna go back to WA :/
I don't mean to come off like a whiny bitch, and I don't wanna come off like I'm just up and quitting because I'm not getting my way. If you haven't followed my other journals and gotten the back story to why bakersfield is such a horrible plce for me, please do so. But anyways I kinda want feedback from people on the issue if people will give it.
I'm kinda outta stuff to say. I have to make my decision by Wednesday though :/
After some weird turns of events, the Everett Olive Garden and I may be geting back together. Long story short, the GM that fired me was sacked and I'm eligible for rehire. With their togo section wrecked and in need of stability, I'm a great candidate to jump in and get to work. I have to decide whether or not to contact the GM wednesday to try and get my job back. If they can offer me my old position, with my original starting wage and the promise for at least 4 shifts a week, it would be extremely beneficial to relocate again.
But wusky, what about school?
ATM, I really don't feel motivated to go, to be honest. Being in Bakersfield between dealing with my parents, fighting with trying to get a stable job and getting shot down for more school classes has really worn on me and it's left me feeling like I don't really have that drive I had when I was living more independently in WA. This makes the thought of starting school daunting and when coupled with the reality that doing so would lock me into more time in this shit home I've just grown more and more upset.
My thought process has shifted to where I really wish I would've gone through the proper channels to figure out my educational plan IN WA BEFORE I made the jump to move to CA. I still wanna go to school. I still want to get a higher education. I still want to field in a career outside of working in a restaurant, but atm I'm just having a lot of difficulties justifying going about it down here. I would rather be happy in my environment and take a little more time getting through school than having to wake up everyday and drag myself through life because 'it's what I'm expected to do'.
My parents do not in any way shape or form condone me moving again. They've argued with me multiple times just at the thought of me moving and it's not really getting anywhere on that end. My dad's gone so far as to say he'll keep my car on the grounds that 'he can't trust me to be responsible and make payments if I relocate'. Then of course I get the usual arguments that I've only been here for 3 months now (soon to be 4) and haven't given it enough of a chance and that I'm simply not trying hard enough. All of these reasonings really piss me off. For starters, in the 3 months I've been down here, I've picked up and heavily excelled at poi spinning. I've pulled together a local fur group that now hosts almost weekly meets. I've gotten a job. I've gotten a car. I've met a ton of new people. To help fix the crappy aspects, every week I'm dropping a good 10 applications to find a better job and I'm constantly checking to see if new classes are opening up at my CC. If that isn't trying hard enough to enjoy myself and not giving a good run, please tell me. After all of this, I feel beaten down on the last two becuse with CA's crappy economy, work is near impossible to find and the CCs in town are so over packed even the waiting lists are booked solid :/ That and my parents' logic that once school starts all my problems will just melt away really bugs me. Even if school could keep me busy (with my whole 2 classes...) it won't make me any happier. I'll just be waking up every day and going through the motions while I throw myself into a stasis to muddle through time. They also say going on antidepressants and sleeping medications would help. Mother fuck if I'm going to go on meds so I can cope going day to day in my crappy bakersfield life :/
I've recently started seeing a therapist. She hit a lot of valid points and aside from being shocked school was so important to me that I'd willingly put myself in a situation like this, she also gave me some fairly good advice. If I want to be here, I'll find a way to make it work. But it hit the nail on the head that I DON'T want to be here :/ I came here because I was under the impression my parents were going to give me a free ride over the next two years and that I would be able to cope with relocating to my hometown where I was hoping to build myself back up so I could move back to WA with an AA...what moving's actually done if cost me my 1500$ in savings, and drained me in a handful of different ways.
I'm not happy here...I don't like it here...I just wanna go back to WA :/
I don't mean to come off like a whiny bitch, and I don't wanna come off like I'm just up and quitting because I'm not getting my way. If you haven't followed my other journals and gotten the back story to why bakersfield is such a horrible plce for me, please do so. But anyways I kinda want feedback from people on the issue if people will give it.
I'm kinda outta stuff to say. I have to make my decision by Wednesday though :/
Depressing comment for the week.
Posted 13 years agoI'm tired of my crappy little job. I'm tired of filing unemployment every week. I'm tired of all the jb rejection I'm getting. I'm tired of school classes not opening up. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything. I'm tired of feeling depressed. I'm tired of 'it'll get better' and 'you haven't tried hard enough'. I'm tired of living in Bakersfield. :/
Pokememe...
Posted 13 years agoUse this pokemonn generator http://www.wyncorporation.com/pokemon/index.php
1. This Pokémon is your best friend.
Musharna...ew...
2. This Pokémon is your boss that you need to impress for a promotion.
Blissey...ew...
3. This Pokémon is your partner for your science project.
Kyurem...is fairly decent...he has broke stats...
4. This Pokémon is looking for every way possible to murder you.
Haryama...o...k... ._.
5. This Pokémon is your mother-in-law.
Pansage...I don't even...
6. This Pokémon is your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Yanma :c
7. This Pokémon is your ex.
Zweilos...hmm...
8. This Pokémon stalks you every waking moment.
Articuno
9. This Pokémon likes to snuggle with you.
Ariados...fuck...
10. This Pokémon ate all your cheesecake.
Archen D:<
11. This Pokémon is what you felt in your bed last night.
Elekid... ._.
12. This Pokémon banged your mom.
Munchlax...BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
13. This Pokémon will do anything to try and get in your pants.
Durant...and he will never succeed that milling bitch :/
14. This Pokémon died by your own hands.
Lilligant...meh...
15. This Pokémon is your loyal companion for life
Excadrill. I'm ok with this.
16. This Pokémon reads you bed time stories.
Zweilous...soooo...my ex...reads me bedtime stories?
17. This Pokémon is your loving pet.
Poliwrath...awkward...
18. This Pokémon is your creepy dentist.
Starly...that would be PRETTY weird...
19. This Pokémon is what you dream about every day.
Sawk...no...just no ._.
1. This Pokémon is your best friend.
Musharna...ew...
2. This Pokémon is your boss that you need to impress for a promotion.
Blissey...ew...
3. This Pokémon is your partner for your science project.
Kyurem...is fairly decent...he has broke stats...
4. This Pokémon is looking for every way possible to murder you.
Haryama...o...k... ._.
5. This Pokémon is your mother-in-law.
Pansage...I don't even...
6. This Pokémon is your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Yanma :c
7. This Pokémon is your ex.
Zweilos...hmm...
8. This Pokémon stalks you every waking moment.
Articuno
9. This Pokémon likes to snuggle with you.
Ariados...fuck...
10. This Pokémon ate all your cheesecake.
Archen D:<
11. This Pokémon is what you felt in your bed last night.
Elekid... ._.
12. This Pokémon banged your mom.
Munchlax...BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
13. This Pokémon will do anything to try and get in your pants.
Durant...and he will never succeed that milling bitch :/
14. This Pokémon died by your own hands.
Lilligant...meh...
15. This Pokémon is your loyal companion for life
Excadrill. I'm ok with this.
16. This Pokémon reads you bed time stories.
Zweilous...soooo...my ex...reads me bedtime stories?
17. This Pokémon is your loving pet.
Poliwrath...awkward...
18. This Pokémon is your creepy dentist.
Starly...that would be PRETTY weird...
19. This Pokémon is what you dream about every day.
Sawk...no...just no ._.
Fun TMITueasday Question
Posted 13 years agoPulld from 
lykanthrope via Twitter:
If skills were sexually transmittable for a day, who that you know would you sleep with and what skills would you take from them in the process?
Just though it was a really fun question that's actually semi safe for work
lykanthrope via Twitter:If skills were sexually transmittable for a day, who that you know would you sleep with and what skills would you take from them in the process?
Just though it was a really fun question that's actually semi safe for work
:c
Posted 13 years agoI miss him so bad it hurts...
Tired...
Posted 13 years agoI feel hopeless and abandoned and I really don't know how to handle the emotions that tag along with such...
What's the point in living when I'm so god damn unhappy? It probably IS better if I just disappear...
What's the point in living when I'm so god damn unhappy? It probably IS better if I just disappear...
Sorry for being so emo :/
Posted 13 years agoBut to be blunt, it's just super difficult for me to cope with someone that;s been in my life for over 4 years telling me that he wants me to GTFO of his :/
Yes, I'm aware the standard textbook solution is to hate the guy and move on saying hat he's a complete ass hole, but unlike the rest of the world I tend to be a little different in how I handle situations like this. Yeah, it's pry super unhealthy to dwell on it like I have been, but gimmie a fucking break.
I loved the guy...
I'm going in to talk to a doctor about anti depressants sometime in the next couple weeks...now get off my fucking back :/
Yes, I'm aware the standard textbook solution is to hate the guy and move on saying hat he's a complete ass hole, but unlike the rest of the world I tend to be a little different in how I handle situations like this. Yeah, it's pry super unhealthy to dwell on it like I have been, but gimmie a fucking break.
I loved the guy...
I'm going in to talk to a doctor about anti depressants sometime in the next couple weeks...now get off my fucking back :/
Even Sleeping Sucks...
Posted 13 years agoLay down. Take a nap. In my dreams he's always on his way to see me. But he's pry not even thinking about me is he? :/
Then someone or something in this stupid house wakes me up...
I'm totally capable of functioning on like 4 hours of sleep a night right? Not like I should be wasting my time dreaing about that kinda stuff anyways anymore...
Then someone or something in this stupid house wakes me up...
I'm totally capable of functioning on like 4 hours of sleep a night right? Not like I should be wasting my time dreaing about that kinda stuff anyways anymore...
Week
Posted 13 years agoThanks to 
bradroo and 
riio for letting me stay with them this last few days. The vacation from Bakersfield was very much necessary. Sorry 
bakofurmeet for organizing a movie night that I then ditched out on. I hope you guys ran it ok without me and had an awesome time.
What did I accomplish? I was wrapped in duct tape meaning that my fursuit is now underway by fursuit makers bradroo and riio . My fur color choices can be found ( http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8507957/ ). I was drug to the mid state fair where I got entirely too destroyed on carny rides hit on by way too many really drunk whore-ishly dressed women. I had two amazing breakfasts and probably the best sushi experience of my life.
On the down side my ex no longer wishes to associate with me which has me uber depressed. I'm back in Bakersfield which has me uber depressed. I have 30$ left to my name...again...which in turn has me uber depressed and I'm generally just uber depressed :/
I go in for my first therapy session saturday the 4th. There I'll go under a psyche evaluation to determine 1) if I need to be put on meds and 2) how healthy and beneficial it is that I remain in Ca to begin with. My actual doctor isn't keen on putting me on anything and I'm the same way...anti depressants suck balls and sleeping pills are just blah :/ I'm officially pretty funked out medically, but on the positive side, contrary to what someone else said would happen, I passed my STD screening and along with that aside from having a little bit of high cholesterol, I passed my general physical panel as well. Guess that's something...
Ionno...the trip outta town was nice. My parents and I have also struck a deal that in return for trucking out a full semester of school, they'll find a way to get me back to WA before the end of the year to visit and to top it off, if I'm just as unhappy now with being down here as I am at the end of said semester, my parents will let me move out to wherever I want to guilt free if it remedies my issues...
Though honestly with my ex not wanting to associate with me anymore I honestly just don't wanna visit right now...funny in a sick twisted ironic way isnt it? Yeah not really...
Anyways just a lil view into how my weeks gone so far and junk.
bradroo and 
riio for letting me stay with them this last few days. The vacation from Bakersfield was very much necessary. Sorry 
bakofurmeet for organizing a movie night that I then ditched out on. I hope you guys ran it ok without me and had an awesome time.What did I accomplish? I was wrapped in duct tape meaning that my fursuit is now underway by fursuit makers
bradroo and riio . My fur color choices can be found ( http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8507957/ ). I was drug to the mid state fair where I got entirely too destroyed on carny rides hit on by way too many really drunk whore-ishly dressed women. I had two amazing breakfasts and probably the best sushi experience of my life.On the down side my ex no longer wishes to associate with me which has me uber depressed. I'm back in Bakersfield which has me uber depressed. I have 30$ left to my name...again...which in turn has me uber depressed and I'm generally just uber depressed :/
I go in for my first therapy session saturday the 4th. There I'll go under a psyche evaluation to determine 1) if I need to be put on meds and 2) how healthy and beneficial it is that I remain in Ca to begin with. My actual doctor isn't keen on putting me on anything and I'm the same way...anti depressants suck balls and sleeping pills are just blah :/ I'm officially pretty funked out medically, but on the positive side, contrary to what someone else said would happen, I passed my STD screening and along with that aside from having a little bit of high cholesterol, I passed my general physical panel as well. Guess that's something...
Ionno...the trip outta town was nice. My parents and I have also struck a deal that in return for trucking out a full semester of school, they'll find a way to get me back to WA before the end of the year to visit and to top it off, if I'm just as unhappy now with being down here as I am at the end of said semester, my parents will let me move out to wherever I want to guilt free if it remedies my issues...
Though honestly with my ex not wanting to associate with me anymore I honestly just don't wanna visit right now...funny in a sick twisted ironic way isnt it? Yeah not really...
Anyways just a lil view into how my weeks gone so far and junk.
Omg. Life's amazing!
Posted 13 years agoYup! Cause I stole Wuskies laptop and posted this for him so he can seem slightly less depressing.
So ya... Chuff and stuff!
So ya... Chuff and stuff!
The bad Stuff Part one as Pulled from Facebook
Posted 13 years agoFor those of you that haven't already realized it in my posts or haven't been informed directly, regarding the argument I always seem to face about being down here for college, a lot of people are still under the impression that my stay here, college and all, is still a free ride.
Outside of the 1000$ my parents let me use to bolster the downpayment for my car, and the money spent to move me down here and allocate me properly, my parents haven't really done anything financially. Before jumping on my nuts about this statement, please allow me to explain:
For starters, I am grateful for the help, especially on the car situation. Without the extra grand, given my unemployment situation in WA, I can't say when I would've been able to get a car for myself. Yes in WA I was getting along fine without them, for themost part, but especially after losing my job, not having a car of my own to get me around to find work was actually a major set back :/.
My parents are giving me a free place to stay. Of course I'm thankful for that. But the other thing people need to realize is that I left Bakersfield, in the dead of night RUNNING AWAY from my parents after all of the stress that had begun to bowl over after a very stressful TWO YEARS of my pre adult life. Living in this house, living with my PARENTS, even though things have settled down significantly is SO HARD FOR ME. There's so much pent up emotion and old feelings I can't entirely let go of that makes the house and this town emotionally difficult to live in. Some people then ask why don't I move in with someone else. The answer is simply this: I didn't wanna come down here in the first place. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay rent to stay in place I don't even want to be in. Not to mention I don't even have the financial stability to AFFORD rent ontop of my car payment and other bills atm.
Yes, I have bills. Like two or three, but given my finances they're hard for me atm. My parents would've only been able to buy me a beater car. Even my DAD didn't want to put me in something crappy. So I agreed to sign into having a car payment on the grounds we got me something reliable that 'I' wanted to be driving. Hence why I dropped money into my scion. It was necessary for me to have wheels down here, I wanted something reliable that was good on gas, and aesthetically I was VERY happy with it. The 700$ I had to add out of my own pocket immediately tanked me to half of my original 1500$ moving budget.
Back on topic:
School. This is probably the most frustrating thing for me, for soooo many reasons. Little known fact. My tuition is presently being paid with savings bonds that were mine in the first place, and will eventually include grants, loans, scholarships where applicable and possibly even the 1000$ I was awarded from placing 2nd at Pokemon Regionals back in 2010. Please soak in the last few sentences and then put yourself in my shoes. I hyped that my parents would be funding pretty much everything in my new life KNOWING that wasn't very plausible. The major frustration I'm feeling in this is that NOTHING HAS HAPPENED SO FAR IN THE MAJOR SCHEME OF MY LIFE (barring my car) THAT I COULD NOT HAVE DONE ON MY OWN IN WA. I could have easily requested my savings bonds, myself. Easily applied for financial aid, myself, easily applied for new scholarships, myself. And USED my current scholarship, myself, to fund my education WITHOUT MOVING.
Please take a second and try to soak in as much of this as you can and apply it to why I've been so fucking depressed the last 2 months.
I left everything I'd made for myself, and everything that made me happy in life (regardless of my funk over my breakup. Big Picture here please) to relocate to a place that is personally filled with loads of bad memories, near to nothing for a person of my personality and orientation and even age demographic to do, chasing an agreement that was muddled in miscommunication, KNOWING I would be unhappy and THINKING I would be able to emotionally cope with. My decision was made under ALOT of stress, both from my family in CA and my life situation in WA and as such it was made in imperfect circumstances with an unlevel head.
Now tell me...am I legitimately over reacting to my situation when I say that I really just want to move back to WA and get myself back on track there? What it comes down to at its core is that regardless of if my parents can understand it fully, I had an entire life away from them that cannot be replaced or replicated, especially here in Bakersfield and I miss it so much that all that homesickness, paired with how crappy I feel my life situation is on me personally is driving me into this turbo funk I don't even know how to kick.
To reiterate on some points. I've officially been here for 2 months now. In the course of that two months I've: 1) bought a car 2) gotten a job 3) enrolled in school 4) helped run a weekly poi dancing group and 5) helped organize and drive the first successful Bakersfield Furry Meetup Group. I've been trying to make something for myself here too but even outside of that 1) my job is only giving me about 14 hrs a week, forcing me back on unemployment and having me looking for more work and 2) I only have ONE CLASS for the fall semester with all my other classes either full or waitlisted. I have TWO whole personal groups I'm going to. I'm MEETING NEW PEOPLE, and yet I'm still miserable at the end of the day when I walk through the front door and curl up in my room. What have I REALLY accomplished down here? What is SO BENEFICIAL TO ME that I should stay here and work through all this crap, when I would be more motivated and a helluvah lot happier in another location?
It just came to my attention that alot of people weren't really informed on my whole situation. That's MY fault. My issues with my parents and our agreement, also falls to me. It was my fault in misinterpreting what my parents were really offering me and overall against my better judgement, going through with the decisions I've made. What my parents have done, isn't something I'm trying to fluff off or be ungrateful for, but being grateful for something has nothing to do with that thing making you happy.
So that, at least for the time being, is my rant for the afternoon. I really do hope that regardless of how it does it, it gives everyone somewhat of a more informed perspective on what's been going on with me in CA.
I'm SORRY I've been so depressing lately, especially with the near constant 'woe is me' updates I've been hammering out on my Facebook and my twitter. I'm just trying to vent out all of my frustrations. I was getting frustrated with alot of the arguments I'd been receiving from various people all over my social networks and just wanted to try and explain my reasoning.
In closing I'd like to add this. At the beginning of the year, I set a goal for myself that even though Jerin and I had split up, I would bust ass through work, get myself a car, and enroll myself into school. I had such a personal sense of motivation that up until I lost my job, I was actually meeting all of my personally set benchmarks. Even after my unemployment, I made this move to keep on that goal. But now, a mere 2 months after being away, I can legitimately say that honestly, I don't even care about school right now. There is so much more that I feel is going on with me right now with my finances, my emotional and mental health and at its core, my actual life security that I just don't have that motivation anymore. I'm burned out. To all the people saying they want to see me succeed in life, get through school and make something of myself, I REALLY appreciate it and it means SO MUCH to me to have that kind of support, because 'I' want it too, but right now I just can't find it in me to do that. If I were to go to school right now, given everything I'm dealing with and I were to fail because of it, the set back it would give me would be astronomical...doesn't that make sense?
Anyways, I'm going to work :/ For the people following my journals on here that have been in the dark on all the new developments I've been listing on Facebook, I will make a small reiteration journal when I get back and have time.
As always, thanks for the support from like...all three of you that bother.
Outside of the 1000$ my parents let me use to bolster the downpayment for my car, and the money spent to move me down here and allocate me properly, my parents haven't really done anything financially. Before jumping on my nuts about this statement, please allow me to explain:
For starters, I am grateful for the help, especially on the car situation. Without the extra grand, given my unemployment situation in WA, I can't say when I would've been able to get a car for myself. Yes in WA I was getting along fine without them, for themost part, but especially after losing my job, not having a car of my own to get me around to find work was actually a major set back :/.
My parents are giving me a free place to stay. Of course I'm thankful for that. But the other thing people need to realize is that I left Bakersfield, in the dead of night RUNNING AWAY from my parents after all of the stress that had begun to bowl over after a very stressful TWO YEARS of my pre adult life. Living in this house, living with my PARENTS, even though things have settled down significantly is SO HARD FOR ME. There's so much pent up emotion and old feelings I can't entirely let go of that makes the house and this town emotionally difficult to live in. Some people then ask why don't I move in with someone else. The answer is simply this: I didn't wanna come down here in the first place. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay rent to stay in place I don't even want to be in. Not to mention I don't even have the financial stability to AFFORD rent ontop of my car payment and other bills atm.
Yes, I have bills. Like two or three, but given my finances they're hard for me atm. My parents would've only been able to buy me a beater car. Even my DAD didn't want to put me in something crappy. So I agreed to sign into having a car payment on the grounds we got me something reliable that 'I' wanted to be driving. Hence why I dropped money into my scion. It was necessary for me to have wheels down here, I wanted something reliable that was good on gas, and aesthetically I was VERY happy with it. The 700$ I had to add out of my own pocket immediately tanked me to half of my original 1500$ moving budget.
Back on topic:
School. This is probably the most frustrating thing for me, for soooo many reasons. Little known fact. My tuition is presently being paid with savings bonds that were mine in the first place, and will eventually include grants, loans, scholarships where applicable and possibly even the 1000$ I was awarded from placing 2nd at Pokemon Regionals back in 2010. Please soak in the last few sentences and then put yourself in my shoes. I hyped that my parents would be funding pretty much everything in my new life KNOWING that wasn't very plausible. The major frustration I'm feeling in this is that NOTHING HAS HAPPENED SO FAR IN THE MAJOR SCHEME OF MY LIFE (barring my car) THAT I COULD NOT HAVE DONE ON MY OWN IN WA. I could have easily requested my savings bonds, myself. Easily applied for financial aid, myself, easily applied for new scholarships, myself. And USED my current scholarship, myself, to fund my education WITHOUT MOVING.
Please take a second and try to soak in as much of this as you can and apply it to why I've been so fucking depressed the last 2 months.
I left everything I'd made for myself, and everything that made me happy in life (regardless of my funk over my breakup. Big Picture here please) to relocate to a place that is personally filled with loads of bad memories, near to nothing for a person of my personality and orientation and even age demographic to do, chasing an agreement that was muddled in miscommunication, KNOWING I would be unhappy and THINKING I would be able to emotionally cope with. My decision was made under ALOT of stress, both from my family in CA and my life situation in WA and as such it was made in imperfect circumstances with an unlevel head.
Now tell me...am I legitimately over reacting to my situation when I say that I really just want to move back to WA and get myself back on track there? What it comes down to at its core is that regardless of if my parents can understand it fully, I had an entire life away from them that cannot be replaced or replicated, especially here in Bakersfield and I miss it so much that all that homesickness, paired with how crappy I feel my life situation is on me personally is driving me into this turbo funk I don't even know how to kick.
To reiterate on some points. I've officially been here for 2 months now. In the course of that two months I've: 1) bought a car 2) gotten a job 3) enrolled in school 4) helped run a weekly poi dancing group and 5) helped organize and drive the first successful Bakersfield Furry Meetup Group. I've been trying to make something for myself here too but even outside of that 1) my job is only giving me about 14 hrs a week, forcing me back on unemployment and having me looking for more work and 2) I only have ONE CLASS for the fall semester with all my other classes either full or waitlisted. I have TWO whole personal groups I'm going to. I'm MEETING NEW PEOPLE, and yet I'm still miserable at the end of the day when I walk through the front door and curl up in my room. What have I REALLY accomplished down here? What is SO BENEFICIAL TO ME that I should stay here and work through all this crap, when I would be more motivated and a helluvah lot happier in another location?
It just came to my attention that alot of people weren't really informed on my whole situation. That's MY fault. My issues with my parents and our agreement, also falls to me. It was my fault in misinterpreting what my parents were really offering me and overall against my better judgement, going through with the decisions I've made. What my parents have done, isn't something I'm trying to fluff off or be ungrateful for, but being grateful for something has nothing to do with that thing making you happy.
So that, at least for the time being, is my rant for the afternoon. I really do hope that regardless of how it does it, it gives everyone somewhat of a more informed perspective on what's been going on with me in CA.
I'm SORRY I've been so depressing lately, especially with the near constant 'woe is me' updates I've been hammering out on my Facebook and my twitter. I'm just trying to vent out all of my frustrations. I was getting frustrated with alot of the arguments I'd been receiving from various people all over my social networks and just wanted to try and explain my reasoning.
In closing I'd like to add this. At the beginning of the year, I set a goal for myself that even though Jerin and I had split up, I would bust ass through work, get myself a car, and enroll myself into school. I had such a personal sense of motivation that up until I lost my job, I was actually meeting all of my personally set benchmarks. Even after my unemployment, I made this move to keep on that goal. But now, a mere 2 months after being away, I can legitimately say that honestly, I don't even care about school right now. There is so much more that I feel is going on with me right now with my finances, my emotional and mental health and at its core, my actual life security that I just don't have that motivation anymore. I'm burned out. To all the people saying they want to see me succeed in life, get through school and make something of myself, I REALLY appreciate it and it means SO MUCH to me to have that kind of support, because 'I' want it too, but right now I just can't find it in me to do that. If I were to go to school right now, given everything I'm dealing with and I were to fail because of it, the set back it would give me would be astronomical...doesn't that make sense?
Anyways, I'm going to work :/ For the people following my journals on here that have been in the dark on all the new developments I've been listing on Facebook, I will make a small reiteration journal when I get back and have time.
As always, thanks for the support from like...all three of you that bother.
Happy Life Update
Posted 13 years agoAfter a lot of debate, I finally broke down and made a tumblr (http://xcetrathewusky.tumblr.com/ ).
For those who've been interested in watching me juggle or poi, this is the major hub for where all of that will be placed. I look forward to entertaining everyone.
Sadly outside of that, life has been knocking me over pretty hard in just about everything else. But to stick with the cheerful 'positives in life' side to this journal theme, I will be listing all the other life crap in the following journal.
For the sake of keeping this journal happy, please ignore the above statement.
For those who've been interested in watching me juggle or poi, this is the major hub for where all of that will be placed. I look forward to entertaining everyone.
Sadly outside of that, life has been knocking me over pretty hard in just about everything else. But to stick with the cheerful 'positives in life' side to this journal theme, I will be listing all the other life crap in the following journal.
For the sake of keeping this journal happy, please ignore the above statement.
Hey Dick Head :/
Posted 13 years agoI RARELY like to get political but it really pisses me off when phrases like 'strengthening families' or 'healthy marriages' gets thrown around in the gay marriage debate. How dare you assume I'd be a bad parent just because I'd be doing so with another man. Go fuck yourself :/
Insomnia :/
Posted 13 years agoI'm so tired but this hole in my chest won't let me go to sleep. I just keep tossing and turning and I just wanna cry. I'm so tired of this mood swing thing; I just want it to go away like the rest of the world.
Blah :/
Posted 13 years agoA lot of the times I'm just laying in bed when it hits me that I miss him so bad. And I miss the house and his family and the lake and the mall and my job and everything else just cascades on me til it's hard for me to breath. And that's generally why I'm so unhappy all the time because now all of that's a thousand miles away from me :/
Life Update #2: The Not So Awesome
Posted 13 years agoThe positive side to life right now is that I have two social groups going now that get me out of the house and have either A) Introduced me to new people or B) Given me some form of outlet with which to cope with my current life situation. I'm legitimately happy about both these groups, and I don't intend for this journal to come off any other way, but the other side of life, reality I guess you'd say, is a little rougher atm.
Issue #1: Financially, though I've kept myself more than perfectly afloat for the last 5 months (holy mother fuck) of unemployment, now is the time where my finances kind of shit out. In the course of the move I've gone from 1500$ in saving to a remaining balance of 125$. Needless to say this has me a little stressed :/ And being honest this is my sole focal point for most of the anxiety I've been having lately. My original set up was spposed to be I move, my parents fit the bill and put me through school and into a car, I get a part time job, I stockpile hella bank for the next two years and then I use the savings along with me newly aquired AA to ship myself back to WA to continue my education at UW. What has ACTUALLY happened is 1) I had to help with shipping costs to transport my stuff (which came to a grand total of over 700$ - my plane ticket). I had to put money down for my car AND accept payments (700$ towards the down and a lil over 400 a mo in payments and insurance). I got a 400$ speeding ticket (which was complete bull :/). And lastly with school looming over my head I was informed I may need to fork over for that as well...
The KICKER to all this is that when I got my job, it took them 2 weeks to schedule me in which I DIDN'T claim unemployment and have since (over 3 weeks later) not claimed any unemployment. So what has wound up happening is in the last 3 or so weeks, I haven't had an income, yet I've had expenses to cover which has ultimately sapped away all my money. :/
Issue #2: I got a job (woo), but as previously stated it wasn't as quick on the pick up to schedule me and actually get me earning money. To top it off the hours have been low (granted I've been training) and the tips (though this is a lil trivial) are near non-existent. This kind of ties back into my financial issue, but what my ultimate problem is going to be is this: I intended to work full time through summer up until I start school in the fall, because once that happens, education takes precedence and I'll more than likely be cutting back my hours. If I don't have the work jam packed in before then, my finances WON'T recover and I'll be starting into the next two years of my life kind of a step BEHIND the game.
Out of the financial aspect, I find the job itself a little blah. Call it me being homesick or my mounting stress issues making me wonky, but I miss the familiarity and security of my last job (which I've recently been uber depressing and kicking myself over losing in the first place...again...). I've been thinking of taking up a second job to balance my finances out, and am severely considering applying and hounding the local olive garden. I think one of my issues being down here right now is I lack something familiar that I can kind of latch onto and zen with outside of poi that is practical and fulfilling. On the job aspect I went from basically running my position and the other people in it 40 hrs a week, raking in a good 600$ a week to being unemployed for 5 months (kinda my fault after not taking the job offer I had in redmond like I should have) and then getting shipped out of my usual environment and 'safe' zone. I miss my job, going in for 9 hours a shift and doing the work I did. I actually enjoyed it. And though I'm sure I'll be able to do the same with the job I currently have, I'm just a lil shell shocked and stressed atm and it's causing me issues on the whole 'edging into' front.
Issue #3: Flat out: I'm homesick. I have my mom constantly badgering me about how I grew up here and my family is here and that's what I should be caring about, but truth be told especially after the last 2 years of my life in Bakersfield before my move, I could really care less about this town, the people I went to school with, my extended family and even the majority of my old high school friends. I FINALLY had a friend of mine from highschool come up to me the other day and apologize for being a dick to me all through school and making my social life back then a lving hell. After all the people like that that I put up with over the years NOONE ELSE has done ANYTHING like that :/
Off all the people I'm having issue with having issues with right now, it's my actual family. I spend my life down here either A) finding excuses to stay out of the house as long as I can or B) closetting myself in my room mostly because I just dont want to deal with them. I hate it because I don't like having that outlook but ultimately its just so AWKWARD living with them again and having to have moved in the first place and I DON'T KNOW how to deal with it properly :/
Bakersfield is my hometown. But my HOME isn't here. I'd like to say it's in Seattle where I started to actually build a life for myself as a (hopefully responsible) adult. But having moved back, I just feel like I've backtracked a baggilion paces to a place where I'm constantly uncomfortale with my surrounding and just generally unhappy :/ Yeah, I was depressed in WA. I lost my MATE...the guy I card about more than anyone else in my life at the time. But at least there, even though I could still be a whiny bitch on my social network, I had people and things that could make my life actually enjoyable on a fairly regular basis. Down here, even though I'm starting to build SOMETHING for myself, it's not the same as I think only 1 or two of them actually know my history over the last year and how hard it's actually been on me to deal with personally :/
Issue #4: I miss my ex. A year later, I still cry over the guy when I go to bed. I still bug him every chance I get and I'm still severely emotionally attached in a way that makes it impossible for me to move on into some other form of relationship. Over the past month I've had a handful of guys hit on me, or try to woo me with whatever means they wana use, or even just try the typical laid back approach (that I prefer) and I just blow them all off (politely ._.) because I can't give other people any sort of emotional connection :/ I honestly don't really care on that last part. I personally don't plan on dating anyone while I'm living down here, nor do I intend to let the idea of that really flower anywhere, but it's still unnerving for me to deal with. Especially when half the time I feel like the person that causes this major internal conflict doesn't even feel the same way :/ It's kinda like this big masochistic circle where, even with the knowledge of the other guys feelings and knowing that he doesn't always treat me nicely for whatever reason, I can't drop him as something that's bad for me, and in turn it kinda ultimately and permanently ruins my social relationships (both romantic and none). Ionno. My feelings on this aspect are really skewed and I dunno how to really handle them :/ Point being I'm still majorly hung up on something I've been hung up on and the move has only seemed to exacerbate the difficulty now that I'm more often than not alone with my issues with no constant and good outlets to cope with like I had in WA :/
I'm not trying to whine. I just needed t vent is all. It helps me get my thoughts organized so I can deal with shit better in my head, and it DOES make me feel better. I'm still trying really hard to cope with the change in my lifestyle and living situations but it's only been a month, and something this drastic, especially with all the past issues and emotions attached to it, isn't something that just ties itself off and becomes instantly bearable. I'm doing my best to MAKE the best out of it; I'm just going to have litle bumps sometimes and this is one of those bumps.
AS ALWAYS: IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH ME FOR ANY REASON, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE NATURE OF MY POSTS, PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR AND UNFOLLOW ME FROM YOUR ACCOUNT. I'M HEAR TO VENT, NOT TO CAUSE OR RECEIVE DRAMA BECAUSE OF IT.
To everyone else, thanks for stopping by.
~xCetra
Issue #1: Financially, though I've kept myself more than perfectly afloat for the last 5 months (holy mother fuck) of unemployment, now is the time where my finances kind of shit out. In the course of the move I've gone from 1500$ in saving to a remaining balance of 125$. Needless to say this has me a little stressed :/ And being honest this is my sole focal point for most of the anxiety I've been having lately. My original set up was spposed to be I move, my parents fit the bill and put me through school and into a car, I get a part time job, I stockpile hella bank for the next two years and then I use the savings along with me newly aquired AA to ship myself back to WA to continue my education at UW. What has ACTUALLY happened is 1) I had to help with shipping costs to transport my stuff (which came to a grand total of over 700$ - my plane ticket). I had to put money down for my car AND accept payments (700$ towards the down and a lil over 400 a mo in payments and insurance). I got a 400$ speeding ticket (which was complete bull :/). And lastly with school looming over my head I was informed I may need to fork over for that as well...
The KICKER to all this is that when I got my job, it took them 2 weeks to schedule me in which I DIDN'T claim unemployment and have since (over 3 weeks later) not claimed any unemployment. So what has wound up happening is in the last 3 or so weeks, I haven't had an income, yet I've had expenses to cover which has ultimately sapped away all my money. :/
Issue #2: I got a job (woo), but as previously stated it wasn't as quick on the pick up to schedule me and actually get me earning money. To top it off the hours have been low (granted I've been training) and the tips (though this is a lil trivial) are near non-existent. This kind of ties back into my financial issue, but what my ultimate problem is going to be is this: I intended to work full time through summer up until I start school in the fall, because once that happens, education takes precedence and I'll more than likely be cutting back my hours. If I don't have the work jam packed in before then, my finances WON'T recover and I'll be starting into the next two years of my life kind of a step BEHIND the game.
Out of the financial aspect, I find the job itself a little blah. Call it me being homesick or my mounting stress issues making me wonky, but I miss the familiarity and security of my last job (which I've recently been uber depressing and kicking myself over losing in the first place...again...). I've been thinking of taking up a second job to balance my finances out, and am severely considering applying and hounding the local olive garden. I think one of my issues being down here right now is I lack something familiar that I can kind of latch onto and zen with outside of poi that is practical and fulfilling. On the job aspect I went from basically running my position and the other people in it 40 hrs a week, raking in a good 600$ a week to being unemployed for 5 months (kinda my fault after not taking the job offer I had in redmond like I should have) and then getting shipped out of my usual environment and 'safe' zone. I miss my job, going in for 9 hours a shift and doing the work I did. I actually enjoyed it. And though I'm sure I'll be able to do the same with the job I currently have, I'm just a lil shell shocked and stressed atm and it's causing me issues on the whole 'edging into' front.
Issue #3: Flat out: I'm homesick. I have my mom constantly badgering me about how I grew up here and my family is here and that's what I should be caring about, but truth be told especially after the last 2 years of my life in Bakersfield before my move, I could really care less about this town, the people I went to school with, my extended family and even the majority of my old high school friends. I FINALLY had a friend of mine from highschool come up to me the other day and apologize for being a dick to me all through school and making my social life back then a lving hell. After all the people like that that I put up with over the years NOONE ELSE has done ANYTHING like that :/
Off all the people I'm having issue with having issues with right now, it's my actual family. I spend my life down here either A) finding excuses to stay out of the house as long as I can or B) closetting myself in my room mostly because I just dont want to deal with them. I hate it because I don't like having that outlook but ultimately its just so AWKWARD living with them again and having to have moved in the first place and I DON'T KNOW how to deal with it properly :/
Bakersfield is my hometown. But my HOME isn't here. I'd like to say it's in Seattle where I started to actually build a life for myself as a (hopefully responsible) adult. But having moved back, I just feel like I've backtracked a baggilion paces to a place where I'm constantly uncomfortale with my surrounding and just generally unhappy :/ Yeah, I was depressed in WA. I lost my MATE...the guy I card about more than anyone else in my life at the time. But at least there, even though I could still be a whiny bitch on my social network, I had people and things that could make my life actually enjoyable on a fairly regular basis. Down here, even though I'm starting to build SOMETHING for myself, it's not the same as I think only 1 or two of them actually know my history over the last year and how hard it's actually been on me to deal with personally :/
Issue #4: I miss my ex. A year later, I still cry over the guy when I go to bed. I still bug him every chance I get and I'm still severely emotionally attached in a way that makes it impossible for me to move on into some other form of relationship. Over the past month I've had a handful of guys hit on me, or try to woo me with whatever means they wana use, or even just try the typical laid back approach (that I prefer) and I just blow them all off (politely ._.) because I can't give other people any sort of emotional connection :/ I honestly don't really care on that last part. I personally don't plan on dating anyone while I'm living down here, nor do I intend to let the idea of that really flower anywhere, but it's still unnerving for me to deal with. Especially when half the time I feel like the person that causes this major internal conflict doesn't even feel the same way :/ It's kinda like this big masochistic circle where, even with the knowledge of the other guys feelings and knowing that he doesn't always treat me nicely for whatever reason, I can't drop him as something that's bad for me, and in turn it kinda ultimately and permanently ruins my social relationships (both romantic and none). Ionno. My feelings on this aspect are really skewed and I dunno how to really handle them :/ Point being I'm still majorly hung up on something I've been hung up on and the move has only seemed to exacerbate the difficulty now that I'm more often than not alone with my issues with no constant and good outlets to cope with like I had in WA :/
I'm not trying to whine. I just needed t vent is all. It helps me get my thoughts organized so I can deal with shit better in my head, and it DOES make me feel better. I'm still trying really hard to cope with the change in my lifestyle and living situations but it's only been a month, and something this drastic, especially with all the past issues and emotions attached to it, isn't something that just ties itself off and becomes instantly bearable. I'm doing my best to MAKE the best out of it; I'm just going to have litle bumps sometimes and this is one of those bumps.
AS ALWAYS: IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH ME FOR ANY REASON, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE NATURE OF MY POSTS, PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR AND UNFOLLOW ME FROM YOUR ACCOUNT. I'M HEAR TO VENT, NOT TO CAUSE OR RECEIVE DRAMA BECAUSE OF IT.
To everyone else, thanks for stopping by.
~xCetra
Life Update #1: The New Bakofurs
Posted 13 years ago"Ok so with some coordination and help from 
zombicat we finally got off a successful Bakofurs meet using a group on facebook. We met at the AMC Southwest bowling alley with a shocking TWELVE members! :O
To any and all wanting to join this group or attend any of the events we'll be throwing over the next couple of months, shoot me your info/facebook and I'll find some way to keep you connected to whats going down.
Our next official meet up will be our monthly bowling meet at AMC southwest again on Fri Aug 3rd around 7pm. Neon bowling is 16$ for the night until 1am. Afterwards we'll pry be hitting up Dennys as a group tradition." - Taken from the Bakofurmeet page
So yeh I helped throw together a furmeet this week for some locals at a local bowling alley and it was a success!!! D:< It's nice to actually meet some locals finally and even better to see that they're not even slightly off their rocker :D We've coordinated our first monthly meetup to be a recurring cosmic bowling night more than likely followed by dennys afterwards seeing as everyone seemed to enjoy themselves last night!
If you or anyone you know lives in the Bakersfield area or even the bigger part of the valley, shoot them my way so I can get them entered into our group. I'm hoping to help expand it as much as I can and more importantly, help keep it alive and kicking unlike some of the other attempted groups in the past.
Thanks go to zombicat for starting up the facebook page and getting me involved. Thanks to 
KimbaSnowpaw , 
metal-head-rush , 
saffronaut , 
Daarko and everyone else who came out whose FAs I do not currently have.
Here's hoping the group stays together and has lots of awesome times! :3
zombicat we finally got off a successful Bakofurs meet using a group on facebook. We met at the AMC Southwest bowling alley with a shocking TWELVE members! :O To any and all wanting to join this group or attend any of the events we'll be throwing over the next couple of months, shoot me your info/facebook and I'll find some way to keep you connected to whats going down.
Our next official meet up will be our monthly bowling meet at AMC southwest again on Fri Aug 3rd around 7pm. Neon bowling is 16$ for the night until 1am. Afterwards we'll pry be hitting up Dennys as a group tradition." - Taken from the Bakofurmeet page
So yeh I helped throw together a furmeet this week for some locals at a local bowling alley and it was a success!!! D:< It's nice to actually meet some locals finally and even better to see that they're not even slightly off their rocker :D We've coordinated our first monthly meetup to be a recurring cosmic bowling night more than likely followed by dennys afterwards seeing as everyone seemed to enjoy themselves last night!
If you or anyone you know lives in the Bakersfield area or even the bigger part of the valley, shoot them my way so I can get them entered into our group. I'm hoping to help expand it as much as I can and more importantly, help keep it alive and kicking unlike some of the other attempted groups in the past.
Thanks go to
zombicat for starting up the facebook page and getting me involved. Thanks to 
KimbaSnowpaw , 
metal-head-rush , 
saffronaut , 
Daarko and everyone else who came out whose FAs I do not currently have. Here's hoping the group stays together and has lots of awesome times! :3
