Might fall on deaf ears but don't care mainly for my reference. Sometime in 2010 I joined the furry fandom so sometime this year (as of 2023) I will have been a furry for 13 yrs. It's hard to believe really doesn't seem that long.

Totally not random at all

So I'm now single...fan-fucking-tastic...not that anyone cares

Tis pointless indeed this journal be...

I've been feeling a bit depressed lately with the whole separated from my mate and free to look for someone thing that most likely no one read in my last journal...anyways...my point being I'm too lazy and have emotional trust issues to actively look for someone but i could really do with some emotional support...someone to give me some emotional cushion...a friend that's not afraid to...ok I don't want a mate just yet but I need someone...on the off chance that someone actually reads this is willing to or knows someone that's looking...im available...just need time to get my thoughts and emotions together before I'm willing to be mated again

I highly doubt anyone even cares to read any of the journals I post but whatever it's a vent post after a small emotional breakdown...So it's come to the point in my current relationship where we've both agreed it's gotten stale and there's little emotional warmth between us anymore but we've made an agreement that were aloud to see other ppl if it comes to it since we are 1000 miles apart for an undetermined amount of time. I'm not actively looking for a another mate just if it happens that I happen to fall in love with someone I'm free to act on it for my heart's health cus I've already broken down from being nearly emotionally alone again. I fear though I'll be reluctant to let myself get close to anyone but that's to be proven. I've learn that those I fall in love with may not return it back even as a close friend with an deep emotional bond i can rely on which is the reason I fear I'll be reluctant I don't wanna be hurt again tho I have come to terms that if my current relationship ends it's for the best and will be an agreed break up on both sides which will be easier to handle emotionally. As I am right now tho I feel like there are lots of cracks and my emotions are draining out leaving me feel slightly empty inside. Again I'm not actively looking for a mate but more of someone I can lay on even if theyre not physically by me but online at a distance I've felt that emotional warmth thru msging so I know it's possible to rely on someone that's far from me. Anyways there's that.

After 6 yrs being in Oklohoma I've finally moved back to my home state of Michigan mainly cus the job market in Oklahoma sucks and no once was hiring me. So my mate came up with the idea of having me move back to Michigan to try and get a job and be an anchor point for her to move to Michigan as well. Only downside is I miss my puppers cus I'm living with my sister who doesn't want dogs potentially ruining something that she has to pay for plus brings 2 large dogs on a 1000 mile road trip would be hectic especially with being transferred to my parents brand new car with leather seats. That all being said I'm so glad to be home despite not having internet and limit phone data to do stuffs but I hope that with this somewhat fresh start will be the break I've been wanting from the bullshit that's gone on in Ok. Also hoping to meet more furs (I've already woken up a couple of sleeping furs in my friends :3)

So this may be a pointless journal but who cares...All Hallows Eve has passed Thanksgiving is upon us shortly for us Americans and the Christian holiday Christmas is right around the corner...nothing like a stolen holiday to make wonderful times...anyways...depending on how things go I might be soon getting my fursuit all were waiting for is the right events to happen and if I can achieve getting that we'll lots of photos will be incoming I'll be trying to attend more fur meets and cons as well but I'm possibly being super hopeful...also...RANDOMNESS!!!!

Since it's been a while since I did one of these here's one. I guess ill do a recent life update Good news going on in my life: Getting married tomorrow January 26th...only cus of stupid religious nutcase senators trying to get rid of marriage in the state I live in only for targeting gay ppl to prevent them from getting married, Potentially might go to Furry Fiesta in Feb, In May I'm going on a cuise to ALASKA WOOOOO!!!, in October possibly going up to visit family and spend a couple days in my grand parents cottage...can't wait for that, and also in Oct might possibly go to Oklacon which is the local fur con, and also sometime me and my mate will move into our own place. Ok bad news: Recently lost someone who came into my life and become the brother I never had growing up but always wanted whenever I saw someone with one. Things got out of hand and he made the choice to kick me out of his life leaving a hole in my life and my heart, needless to say I was extremely heartbroken to the point the pain made me physically sick at time...he's the first and only person to cause me that much pain, he was as important to me as my mate was but I guess I wasn't like that with him. Well can't think of anything else so I guess until my next journal post

1st Paw: Hunting: Hunt down what you only truly need
2nd Paw: Loyalty: Always stay loyal to your pack and keep them close
3rd Paw: Hate/Grudge: Never hate or hold a grudge against someone for a long time you may need them eventually
4th Paw: Instinct: Follow what your instincts tell you but only without conflict with your heart
5th Paw: Heart: Always, and truly always keep those you love within your heart and those who love you back longer

so this year might be the year for my first con ever...be it only a day ill be a puppy at the park if I go just goota wait and see

...arf...