My fur brother made a guild for furries
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4716602/
if you play the game why not check it out. :D

My first winner of this raffle, is..............................
 iris.ankh
selected by random.org
I will get the art done very soon keep an eye out!

My love lives states away and I'm itching to see her and show her in person how much I love her. It is going to be a lot of hard work for me. But I have seen that I can get it done, but I have to stop playing around. I need to start saving every cent I make towards seeing her. If even a brief visit the first time [as much as I would love to stay forever] I know its worth it either way. A single moment with my soul mate is worth more to me than all the money in the world.

I estimate I will need at least 600 dollars. So I have to start saving now and keep on until I reach it. I hope I can make that cash before the summer is out. I will take commission for it unless I can find a job which is easier said than done. I can't tell my mom and dad about this goal they will try to complicate things. so they wont know until I have the money already.

Comissions my furry watchers and fans are open always even if you can't afford to pay tag price contact me and we can negotiate if needed. if there is something I do that you are not sure the cost let me know and again we can discuss a price. I will also accept donations from any who are willing to donate. From this point on until I am with my love. I will put all effort into being with her.

Todays I'm going to the uncle billy's day festival I am going to take my laptop and try to record some documentation so I can show you guys what its like. We have car shows animals festival foods all kinda goodies. We even often have a band. My dad said that at one point the wrestlers from WcW used to come and wrestle here in the older days. I don't expect Ill see anything like that but it certainly woulda been awesome. anyways I'll be gone for a little bit. I will miss my sweet heart! I love you sweetie I will be back as soon as I can be I love you and please have the best time you possibly can have until I am home!

I wanted to mention something for those fellow artists with wonderful talent a little something they may find useful information.

Like many artists I sometimes feel my art isn't all that great, while I'm assured by just about everyone it is and I know I'm talented I wanted to mention that so those of you who feel the same know you're not alone.

I've been on FA almost two years now have over 300 submissions and still growing.

I can do 3D models Traditional art Digital Art Painting, Music, I even have game samples posted on FA based from a full game I am working on. I can draw in virtually any style I set my mind to. Ask my friend  CaptainSqueaker who watched me draw his character over cam. I can do it very fast at times impending on my mood.

I know what you're thinking, chances are I've heard it a lot. I'm not trying to be self centered or boastful I'm trying to make a point.

here are my stats...
Pageviews: 3288
Submissions: 306
Comments Received: 1225
Comments Given: 1818
Journals: 25
Favorites: 1267

the numbers might seem big but actually my page is relatively untouched for an artists who's been here two years and 300+ submissions of so many types of media. I'm not trying to ask for help I'm just explaining my point to the fullest. Most people would agree my art is awesome, but even my awesome art gets little to no attention so I want you all to understand you should not judge your art by the amount of watched comments or views they get. As long as you like what you draw then keep drawing, don't worry about perfect there is no such thing no matter how good you get.

Want one contact me, feel free to note me questions or negotiate a price I am sure we can reach an agreement. :D

Hellow comic book fans and followers.

I would like to apologize to anyone who is eagerly awaiting for the new page to be released. I promise you I will get back to it as quickly as I can and I will make sure there are a few pages before my next big project. I've got an orgy collab auction with Nyny running as you know and once that is done I am planning on getting back on it.

I apologize and thank you all for your patients and hope you all enjoy whats comming.

My friend Kion who has a very great skill in art has been having trouble with his current tablet and he really needs a new one!

If you are able and to help him get a new one he requests that you commission him! He is an excellant artist and you wont be sorry you did. I've seen his work watching him for about a year so far.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10206535/

thank you so much for reading

Have a question about the comic? Ask it away. As many as you want. I plan on anserig them all.


A couple I expect to get

Q: whens the next page?
A: Either tomorrow or the day after,

Q: Why is your Comic Sketched and not lined or colored?
A: I've almost always done it that way. Not saying I wont do color. Get me more views per page and I will make it colored!

Last night I stayed up shaking in extreme pain from my wisdom teeth long overdue for removal. I first want to say thanks to my Fluffy, Stephin and Midnight for being there for me to give me hope and pretty much keeping me from taking matters into my own hands.

Been doing some research about it to see what I can do to get the fuckers out. My hands a pretty much tied as of right now.

I first need to try to get insurance, they probably will NOT pay for it all so its only a start.
2. I need to find a job, this wont be easy I've been trying for years, with this much pain afflicting me I don't even know if I can handle a job....but I have to there really isn't any other way.
3. I need surgery on my mouth to get these four wisdom teeth pulled as soon as fucking possible!!!! I have three other wisdom teeth around the corner for rotting like their predecessor and I just don't know if I will be strong enough to take two of these pains at once, let alone four.

So I truly am on my own here,.....
Mom and Dad essentially told me to suck it up. They wont drive me to look for work, they tell me to walk MILES back and forth into town EVERY day to apply for jobs. They say that they cant afford gas which is a load of bullshit mom goes out nearly 3-10 times a week now to sell shit to friends on facebook for literally like 5-10 sometimes just to trade like two movies for a fucking pocket book.

I am sure you guys want to help and the love is appreciated, but I highly doubt anyone I know could ever afford 1800$ to take care of this and I wont ask for help from anyone it'll probably never happen, but on the one and a million chance someone does have the ability and the willing to do such a need they're welcome to help I would do just about anything to get these things out of my mouth and that says a lot.

I'm litterally facing my worst fears here, I have a drastic phobia for pain and even the slightest pinch will keep me from doing something that needs to be done.

Please don't go thinking I'm begging for help, I know it may sound as such but Its not the case I know that's too unrealistic a thought to ever expect something like that to work, I am merely expressing my emotions right now so the pain doesn't drive me insane.

so as my watchers can see, I've began a new comic since the female lead character in the last comic was no longer interested in being a part of anything and I pulled it down canceling soul blossum a mere ten pages or so into the series, this one I've started will be better hell I already like it better, and I'm working for hours on end to bring you all something that you can enjoy.

The series could use all the help it can get...

Please if you want to help link fellow furs to my fur affinity or to the pages themselves I want as many people to see it as possible just don't repost or anything that would direct them away from actually seeing the comic in places I've post them to be read. [its nice to know how many times my work has been seen by how many people and to feel credited for my work.]

Anyone with questions about the series is welcome to ask them in PM, comments, or shouts.

Greatings furries, I've made a face book account feel free to follow me on facebook. Just of course be aware that I prefer my Facebook account being PG 13. Please refrain from posting anything excessive on my facebook page. Its a good way to contact me if I'm not on FA.

http://www.facebook.com/leo.easterwood.7
http://www.facebook.com/leo.easterwood.7
http://www.facebook.com/leo.easterwood.7

My friend Nyny has posted a Journal stating that her friend is in trouble I didn't have funds to help but I have watchers to share the Journal to so thats what I'm doing now she states.

"Hi everyone, aldrnari_gren has stumbled on to some unfair financial issue, and she isn't asking for much and she's doing artwork in return! Please do check her userpage and journal, it'd mean a lot to me!"

here is a link to the journal if you can help out.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4267100/

I've been bored lately and I can say a lot about the stuff I have heard read and seen on TV despite the fact that I have not regularly watched a tv in about 1 1/2 years.

The Biggest thing I can say is DON'T BELEIVE ANYTHING ITS ALL LIES! All of it are lies Loosely Described edited written DIRECTED. Fullabolony BULLSHIT.

I don't 100% trust EVEN the Documentaries I LIKE. I especially DON'T trust "reality tv" I USED to but ever since I stopped watching it and came back to one. I started to think.... Who fucking beleives this crap.

Lets go to something stupid that NOBODY would fall for right? WRONG but here is an example of how I can make bull shit seem real. Did you know, that anyone who breaths a lot of air every day will die? Did you know that almost ALL of the people who do watch TV believe anything anything they see that is not SPELLED OUT FOR THEM is changed,....wait SOME PEOPLE STILL EVEN BELIEVE THAT!! There is a movie out there based on 9-11 I forget the title is it 9-11???!!!! Anyways it CLEARLY DEPICTED in the film "Contains Dramatized Scenes" What does this mean? Simply put ITS NOT HOW IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED! Its Based on a True Story. That means it was written around a historic event this does NOT mean that the story is nonfiction! Pearl Harbor, Titanic, Paranormal Activity. ALL OF IT. They're FICTION NOT REALLY HOW IT HAPPENED FOLKS. Lets Go to Balto the Wonderful animated Motion Picture Based on a True Story, you don't really think those dogs actually did half those things they did do you? If you like Balto GOOD I do too. But if you want to know how it REALLY happened I'm sorry you're just gonna have to read a book. a HISTORIC NONFICTION.

My mom watches this one show I honestly do not know the title nor do I give a shit. It looks good though its a Reality SHOW. Its about this cop who solves Murders and shit. They even show Scenes of the people being questioned and arrested. I like the way it looks....but like all other reality shows its bullshit, for one Do you actually think that that "cop" is going to have a fucking camra Crew standing along with every single mother fucking arrest and interigation?! HELL NO. Most if not ALL of those scenes are acted out and the people in them aren't even really the actual people!

Lets go to this show my mom loves "Real House Wives" BIG UTTER BULLSHIT but you women eat it up sometimes.... at least women like my mother >.> Do you honestly think their every day life is full of people stealing peoples Boy friends and calling each other sluts. Ah no here is a better way to put is.... Each show is an hour long I think most reality shows are.....in that hour they cover several days/weeks of time I'm sorry when the fuck was a whole week one hour long? Someone cut out a loooooootttttttttt of stuff. No they just want the good stuff. Oh no its fucking written. Seriously folks think about it How did the camra people manage to get their on time to film every single fucking fight those women have?! and better yet do you really think those women would imbarass them self like that on NATIONAL TELEVISION? They're all doing what they were payed to do and I assure you most of it if not ALL of it is fake. By all means enjoy the show. But don't forget ITS A SHOW. Its terrible I thought the first thing we learned as kids was to distinguish reality from fantasy. ooooo but these writters are good VERY good they make the shit look real. Actually I take that back no they don't its so fucking fake sometimes take your real life experiance into consideration. Have you seen many real life fights?! I am certain you have. DO they look like what they look like on TV? I'm afraid not.

The news....ok its the news they're not allowed to lie. But its easy to mislead people. They used words like almost half, more than half, many, few, less than, more than, Increase, decrease, Dont be stupid the news is show business just as much as any other show out there. Want the best news? Read a paper no NOT the New Yorker or something like that Read the Fucking Local paper. Tell me how exciting it is.......Boring right? WELCOME TO REAL LIFE! Why don't we fucking live learn any more? Don't get me wrong I'm at home a lot I do a lot of Gaming spend a lot of time on the net and watch the occasion film. I'm NOT telling you to stop and I am not calling you wrong to watch them. Nor do I blame you for making the mistake of thinking the shit is real.

A lot of Theories are bull shit too. There are theories out there specifically made to direct your mind away from a certain Idea or Belief. How does this work? That's Easy they show you only the things they want you to see. and No I am not really a Consperacy theory kind of guy so don't go there. In fact they do the same shit as everyone else so don't rely souly on them. We were all given our own brain for a reason USE IT. We all have the intelligents to go and make our own choices. When I watch half this shit on TV when I'm not enjoying the show or calling bullshit, I'm thinking who the fuck is this rich ass bitch and what the hell does he know to tell ME how I'M supposed to live MY life?!!

I stopped watching TV for a reason not cause its all fake I like a good story I stopped watching it because it got boring and when net came around to our house I fell in love and made friends. My love is perfect she makes me happy all the time she gives me the love you wouldn't believe in.

I am sorry if this hurt anyone's feelings. I just needed a rant and this toppic came to be. By all means its true "There is no business like show business" we all need things that make life ineresting the TV is a great thing for that. But I'm tired of how people like my mom see things on TV. So many things on Diets, Raising children, Education, all these things and When they see it they beleive it. Come on folks you don't really beleive that half these things on TV are as easy to do as they look? Its not so bad as I make it sound I suppose TV does offer info that can be used in day to day life, like cooking cleaning construction Science etc. But its a show watching that said show wont give you the education. You've got to work hard and study. TV is even less credible the Wikipedia! TV is not intended to be an education alone its also intended to be entertainment. Don't beleive me? Watch some of the films I have made only for education. I bet you fall asleep like I did.

well turns out I've written a lot and I ust now realise I could write a hell of a lot more! Maybe so but hey its given me something to do. I just hope that this is of use to someone and I hope they look at the things they see on TV a little different.

I am sure many of you have seen my ID I made, and may be wondering how I came by Art Level 4 so I want to explain it so people can understand what it means.
There are 5 tallies in all they are as follows

Visual [Digital art, Paintings Drawings anything flat imaged]
Material art [3D arts Sculptures Models 3D Models etc]
Sound [Music, Voice acting, singing, etc]
Written [Poems Stories Songs anything written]
Taste [anything cooked baked boiled grilled etc with intention to serve eat drink or smell]

You count em all together if you would say you are good at any of these you add that to the score of course 5 being the highest you may have.

Hey Furries!

I have an idea! We all feel like CRAP lets not argue it I know I do sometimes and I am sure everyone else does too at least at times. So I know the PERFECT cure. Do good deeds for no reason at all It will make you feel better.

LEO's Idea
Go Browse FA watch a member who has few watchers Leave a Comment on their art something with More Meaning than "Looks Good" Then on this Journal Post a comment and Link to their Profile like this  xiileoiix My goal is to get a lot of faces on here. You can do this as many times as you like and as many people on one comment as you like. who knows MAYBE you could say I played a role in making a furry famous.

In the Very least I want you all to look at yourself and what you say about yourself about how you don't feel like you're all that great a person. Well just a little bit of kindness regularly will make you feel better about yourself. I've already watched a lot of members and I will likely watch many many more. There are a few I would love to link you to  Kion  Zen and seriously don;t just go for the best artists you really miss out!!! There is NOTHING like watching an artist grow you miss out on a whole lot!  Sarani Yes it is My mate she is sort of new to arting but she too could use the support I say her art is good and shows Promise.

ALSO just a thought but here is an idea the people who comment on this Journal don't start a new thread place YOUR comment on the last one posted this way it will sort of work like the old Pass it down trick.

I would love to see many people do this and Since I am the one who made it I will get it started.

The Name LEO was Derived mostly from the Constellation Leo, LEO's Dragon form Polaris was Obviously the Northern Star. But There were a couple times at least that I did NOT notice. Leonuss [later renamed by mate to Lleonuss] Is a Star in the sky as well which I learned Mysteriously in Astronomy after I created the name. I thought it was a small coincidence but after Doing reserch on the name ANU which was originally intended to be the Translation of the name REN into the Lang of the Dragon which I made up in LEO Chronicles about 4 years ago. I have discovered that the Name ANU was also a name given to a sky god ruler of the heavens and the Constellations. I didn't know this litterally to just now. I find it very interesting how the names of all my central characters seem to come from the heavens weather I intended it or not.

Think what you will I think its kinda kool, It seems the heavens have blessed me at least in the manor of telling a story. I cannot help but wonder what else that I have created it tied to the heavens?

Hello if you are reading this odds are you are an artist or at least interested in art, I have found that its a good idea for artists who want to spread around to partake in Trades/art gifting now and then When this happens often times the other artist will post your art in their gallery quoting you and thus that art's watchers will see your art and this promotes your works. Of course I woudn't say thats why I do it but it does certainly help out whenever I get my artings to others and they post it I often get a few watches from it at least :) this will of course require you to put forth a little effort but trust me for publicity if you're selling commissions or just wanna make a name for yourself as a furry I highly recommend it. the more people that have your art the more well known you are

Eh whats dat........................... O.O NYOE not da flyswatter! NYOOOOO stay back you're evil dun spank my ass D':. LOOK its a bug right there on your fore head no really I swear he just gave you the bird and called you a monster tard better kick his ass.
Why are you looking at me like that I'm sitting on my ass you can't see my ass its invisible to thee who is not pure of heart 8D No really you can't see it. Nor my underwear cause I'm not wearing any.
Go stare at someone else's ass myne is busy being groped by its owner.
Look a cow its an evil cow......with a bazooka, that fires MORE BAZOOKAS!!! OMG
Where did I put my I forgot, what I was looking for
oh there it is. It was on you mind this whole time. >:3
How many Dramas does it take to bother me, none cause I don't care. 83
there is a picture of my ass in the dictionary under beautiful it sayz see this?
GASP! did you sit on what I think it is?! Oh no pardon me that's your ass.
This would be great if I had cookies, oh no wait its **if I HAVE cookies.
I can't spell association..........wait
where did I park my car? Oh yea in my dreams. FUCK! >.<
Why must bad things always happen to me? -Bad things replies- Because you care so much about me and always credit my work.
Its everyone's fault except for me that I never use my brain!
Q: Why does everyone hate my guts? A: Because guts are gross and stain my floors.
Q: So how long do I have to hod this pose? A: FOREVER D:<
Q: What happened to my cutenesses? A: I ATE THEM ALL!!!
Q: Who invented the Typo? A: Some dip shit
Q: What if God was one of us? A: We'd be fucked litterally
Q: Who spends there time writing this shit A: I do 8D
Q: What happened to your brain? A: Its funny you should ask I stepped on it. Was so tiny and defenseless I could not resist.
I'm allergic to being turned on.......every time I'm exposed I swell up.
Bing is this the end? A: Maybe............

Greetings again FA,
LEO wants to talk about something he sees too much of. This would be what is commonly referred to as being a Grammar NAZI. I've seen how many furs treat people like scum of the world just because they can't spell. Some people wont even read what they have to say out of pure and utter arrogance. Weather you can or cannot spell this Journal is for you.


I don't blame people for being unable to spell perfectly, as I have trouble myself from time to time. I have good spoken grammar as to be expected. I pause when there is puntuation and, I use larger words when I speak. Take it from me grammar NAZIs when I say some people just cannot help it. Would you slap an spanish man because you don't like his accent? Its the same concept. Those of you who treat people like less because they have trouble spelling should be ashamed of yourself. Take a long look and put yourself in the shoes of those you hate so much. Take it from me when I say we often want to spell like those who are able to do it. Its not always because we are lazy sometimes when I type I have to spell the same word many times because I don't use the word a lot and I don't know the proper spelling. Why do I do this? Merely to please those who hate it. Though I must say. Its a given fact the more you bash us for not being the best spellers, the more we're going to do it just to piss you off.

You want people to be just like you, and that isn't fair. a person might have put a lot of thought or even feelings into something they write. Then you're going to bash them because the spelling isn't perfect. Gee, where I was from LEO was taught its the thought that counts. I've also been taught if you cannot say something nice don't say anything at all. We all forget how much of a blessing being able to write at all is. People many years ago not so far back as you might think was considered highly intellegent just to have even the most modest of a skill in reading and writting.

You might not beleive this but almost no one in the older time didn't know how to read and write, but look at the things they did. In fact if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't be here. Albert Einstein couldn't spell a lick but he made discoveries we still use even today. Alexander Grahm Bell couldn't either, irronic if it wasn't for him you'd not have internet and likely wouldn't be complaining about people's spelling errors in the first place.

The List of people actually goes on for miles. I'm not normally one to tell people how to think but I have to say STOP TREATING PEOPLE LIKE ANIMALS JUST BECAUSE THEY AREN'T GOOD AT SOMETHING YOU ARE GOOD AT. You don't see me treating you like shit cause you cannot draw do you? Which by the way in the past people wrote by Pictographs Picture based alphabets. In otherwords imagine yourself back in those times. If you sucked at drawing you couldn't read write or even spell neatly, how would you like it if someone made fun of you or treated you like you were stupid for it? There is no way you can mesure one's intellegents by how they write read or even speak. As I quote Qui gon jin from Star Wars cause I am a nerd. "The ability to speak does not make you intellegent" you certainly proove the point by underestimating people cause they cannot write as well as you. Also furries take into mind how complex the english language is. You can take two to four years of spanish and say you learned it. However you have to take tweleve years of English in school to even say you have a basic grasp of it.

I think I've well prooven my point I cannot make you see things my way. Though I would certainly hope that you think about what you say. Because what you say is far more important than how it is said.

Bronies/Ponies have become a thriving debate in the Furry fandom. In this Journal I will SPELL IT OUT once and for all the TRUTH. If you disagree post something that explains why. If you comment on here simply saying you're wrong, no they're not or something alonf those lines. It will be taken as arrogant denial and I will ignore it and I strongly Urge any any furries or bronies to do the same.

I will Break down the Definition of a furry to explain why and how this mistake is made.

The term furry has TWO definitions in the fandom.

The Most used Definition is Furry : A member of the Famed Anthro-morphic fandom Known as th Furry Fandom

Definition two the one that Ponies DO apply to and there is NO denying that if you deny this you deny Ponies all together

Furry- A Character with Personification in ANIMALS Examples Scooby Doo, Bugs Bunny, Peter Rabbit, Robbin hood, all of the poke'mon and take your pic I CAN GO ON FOREVER

Why Ponies ARE anthro-morphic
Ponies do a lot of things that normal ponies cannot do I as an animator know very well what these things are and I will list a few off the top of my head one by one until I cannot list any more.
1. Ponies talk like humans this is enough alone just to reach the requirements to be a furry but lets fo on
2. Ponies Make facial Expressions LIKE HUMANS DO ex Smiling laughing giggles blushing etc
3. Ponies wear cloths live in houses read books sing dance do everything a normal human would

[Note] A Furry by definition two does not even have to look like a human if it even acts like one its a furry by definition.

Getting the picture yet? If you do not you are Blind or you choose not to allow your self to see it because you are being arrogant and think that a pony fitting the Definition of a furry degrading which it is NOT its degrading to see people fight over such stupid shit PLEASE we are fucking adults By reading this I want peiople to realize how STUPID they are being over what fandom is better being a MEMEBR of BOTH I know they are Identical. EVERYTHING not just one thing EVERYthing one has the other has just as much
Drama
RP
Social networks
SEX
Don't call me Wrong I already know I am right

Now if you don't want to be a furry or a member of the furry fandom fine don't call yourself a furry but Ponies are furry weather you like it or not but that does not mean you have to be a furry by the first definition.

But the second definition if you missed it I'll say it again in formal Dictionary terms

Furry, N. A character that contains anthromorphics.
EX "Simba is my favorite furry he is why I joined the fandom"

Now I think it best I define Anthromorphics too so there is no doubt.

Anthromorphics N Prefix Anthro -animal Suffix Morphics To mix or transform Anthromorphics N to mix change or transform an animal by personifying it with human-like traits ,walking talking wearing cloths and facial expressions

You can easily assume this if its a cartoon and its an animal its a furry

Now I hope any of you who have gotten in heated arguments about this can see and understand this so you wont have those arguments EVER again.
and yes I hope you all realize how stupid this is and will fucking grow up and stop fighting over it. Cause frankly I'm tired of seeing people I love get all upset over it.

There you go I waisted about an hour of MY OWN TIME hoping I can save your hourse days weeks or even months of drama. Cause the shit I've seen from these is all over both fandondoms.

Now Find something fun to do maybe talk about something You Bronies and Furries have in common. Perhaps a love for cute and cuddly animal or a good musical or a nice RP
or something both fandoms cannot get enough of Sex and Drama

Hello Furries LEO has just come to a descision. LEO has descided He WILL take commissions and he IS willing to accept Second Life Linden Dollars as Payment. Contact me for details if you are even the least bit interested

I am so happy these past few weeks. I know its true I've felt a few "tugs" on the string but see, I've been through months and months of straight stress from causes around every corner the last few months and now that thanks to the help of people I hold very dear to heart. out of respect for their privacy I wont say their names but these wonderful furries know who they are their names start with letters like S R T M S C G etc. I Owe you each a great deal of thanks and I cannot thank you enough even if I said it once every day. My sweetie you've shown me a great deal of love and I know sooner or later you'll read this Journal "the fourth Rose Is happiness my love. Happiness that comes from you." Hopefully you'll memorize each rose they're all very important ^^ 12 roses 4 given so far. oki that aside cause I am sure you guys dunno what LEO is talking about with the Roses.

Anyways Thank you furries you've each given me something to be happy about and its really true the harder you fall the less it'll hurt when its all over. cause now that I am better The things that used to seem like big things don't seem so big anymore. When the things in life get sour bring your friends close bring your ove close TALK about your problems. if you do these things you will feel better eventually.

I had a bad day yesterday. I felt a little unwanted by most people I just wanted someone to ask me if I wanted to join them Didn't really care what I just wanted to know that my presents was appreciated. I felt terrible the whole day and it just got worse and worse. I released my pain in a way I shouldn't have.

Instead of just expressing how I felt I just broke down and the only one to catch the emotions was the most important person in my existence. I apologized many times and she said it was ok but I still do not feel good about it. I do not feel I've found resolution for it yet. She was just trying to have a good day an be supportive. She did not deserve to see me act in such a way. Why can't I properly express myself sometimes. I should know that if I need comforting she'll be there. If I feel bad she will help me. Rather than sound like some depressed emo. Should talk out my problems because that is the best way to fin resolution in any problem. She is my mate She is supposed to help me, but if I cannot help myself how could I expect to be helped.

While its true I do not like bothering her with my problems because I know she is a busy person. I should still learn to speak up when I need something rather than bitch and complain like I so often do.. Simply breaking down does help release the emotions but without resolution it'll simply come right back in time.

So I figure as often as I can I will write Journals talking about how I feel. It does seem to help me feel better. I dunno who will read them or who will care but, it seems like a good idea at the moment to get the thoughts out of my head and to help take my mind off of things.

For those who might wonder my mate is a perfect mate she works hard she tries her hardest 100% of the time. She always makes me happy even in times when I seem like she doesn't I always appreciate her support. To be expect with such a kind and strong hearted person she has friends and lots of work to do, so I obviously cannot expect her to be able to spend all of her time with me.Those are the times when I know I should find a friend to hang with or at least talk to. I know it sounds silly but I have this instinct when she is around I like to be available for her so if she does call on me I can respond right away. I know she does not Call on me a lot cause she's got friends too. But I cannot help it I like to be there for her always even if it seems pointless. To me its a show of dedication to always be around Its my way of saying I am yours and I will always be at arms reach.

She does not ask for much and its very strong of her. She is proud of her independence, and I am too I am very very prod of her independence. I just Wish sometimes there was something more I could do. I like to feel useful I know I am no in a position to do much. So I guess that's why I like to be there.

That's my problem I guess I know I should find something to do. I just worry I'll get into something and she'll need me and I wont be able to jump on it. The odds of her asking me for anything is unlikely but that's all the more reason I like to be prepared. She doesn't ask for much and if she ever does she deserves to have it without delay. I know I'll find resolution.

and for when or if sweetie ever reads this. I love you very very much and none of how I am feeling is your fault its just my ways of living are butting heads and one of them has to be adjusted I just dunno how or which one to do that with.

A link to a Journal that I just feel like doing something good http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3636759/