At least at some point before I die. I don't even think it'd taste good, I just want to have done it. Same with bear.

I can't stand it. Heat makes me angry, pollen allergies send me through the roof, and the children... eugh, the children.

In better news though, new job \o/ I'm lazy and don't feel like writing details if nobody will read, so feel free to comment if you're curious :P

So, ever had to post a journal entry on a PS3? Because your computer of the past 4 years decided that now would be the perfect time to have a dead motherboard? Well, this is what that looks like. Damn thing had a lot of sentimental value too. Through my laptop i met the people who became the closest thing I have to friends anymore, the folks who helped me survive two years of overwhelming suicidal depression. I know it sounds pathetic to say that i associate my laptop with the people who unknowingly saved my life, but I don't give a shit what people think of me. Besides, I'm fully aware nobody reads these journals of mine anyways.
Point is, I'm going to have to spend nearly all the money I've clawed my way into having through a job I hate, money I had been hoping to save for when I inevitably get kicked out once my parents get sick of me being a burden after four years of fucking up, to buy a new laptop. I don't know why I'm writing this, but fuck it. Just... fuck it.

[ ] you meow/bark to get attention
[ ] you find pets toys amusing
[ ] you get hyper by the smell of catnip
[x] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[x] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[ ] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[ ] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and brings it back
Total: 2

[ ] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[x] you love fish/meat
[ ] you like to stick your head out trough the window of a moving car
[ ] you like when people pet your head
[ ] people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[ ] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 3

[X] you sleep a lot during daytime
[ ] you enjoy scaring birds
[ ] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[ ] you bite people if they annoy you
[ ] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours
[ ] milk or water is your favorite drink (good Ol' Water can't be beat!)
Total: 4

[ ] you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own a leash and enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit
[ ] you enjoy long walks in the park
[ ] you meow/bark when you see something you want
Total: 4

[ ] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[x] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[ ] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[ ] you really enjoy cuddling
[ ] you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[x] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 6

[ ] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[ ] you meow or bark very often
[ ] you hide when you get scared
[ ] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[ ] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[ ] you tend to chew on stuff a lot
[ ] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 6

[ ] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it
[ ] you refer to your self as an animal
[ ] your username has something to do with animals
[ ] your e-mail has something to do with animals
[ ] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[x] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 7

[ ] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[x] you like to say hi to strangers
[ ] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[ ] people think you act like a pet
[ ] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[ ] you like to eat grass
[ ] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water
Final Total: 8

Meaning 16 percent. Heh.

Homophobia means:

* I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

* I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

* I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

* We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

* I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

* I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

* I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

* I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

* We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

* I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

* I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

* I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

* I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

* I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

* I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

* I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

* I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

* I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

* I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

* I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.



Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

So many have had to live with these specters hanging over them - help us make the hate stop

I'm so good at it. I mean, amazingly good at it. I can be doing something just fine and then bam it all blows up in my face. Especially when I enjoy it. In fact, it seems the more I enjoy something, the faster I fuck it up. Kinda makes me wonder whether there's a reason for it. Then again, nobody actually reads my journals anyways it seems, so whoopdy freaking doo. Go fuck yourself world.

For any furs in the Maryland area, I need your help! Our cat Kitten needs to find a new home, as our other cats are terrorizing her to the point where she can no longer stay here. We don't want to leave her with a shelter where she might get put down or abused, but nobody we know is willing or able to take her. So please, if anybody in Maryland wants a cat let me know. She's got all of her shots, she's fully house-trained, spayed, and healthy. She's wonderfully friendly and nice, a little bit shy with new people, but she's one of the most friendly cats you'll meet. She's smart and independent so you won't have to worry about her too much, but she's not aloof or snotty. Please, we need to find her a home!

Alright, seeing as how I'm finding it a pain in the ass to find fun people to play against, who among you has MW2 for PC? Please, don't harp about the game and whatnot, I reaaaaaaally don't care whether you think it's a shit game or not.

So I saw some other folks doing this thingy and it looked like fun.

http://www.formspring.me/xitel

Merry Christmas and whatnot and the whozits to the thing upside ya head all up in yo grill to 11.

Yeah, that'd be pretty much the perfect word to describe it. I just spent 9 hours of my shift at work in a French Maid's outfit. I got paid $140 bucks for it, and it became obvious very quickly that for enough money, I'll do anything. And I really do mean anything.

My damn computer hates me. First, while trying to install Vista Service Pack 2, it randomly shuts off, corrupting the OS and leaving me SOL for a week. Then, after I get it running and finally get all my settings back to the way they were before using the recovery partition, the damn charger cable starts breaking to the point where I can only sit in one position while using it. Then, a few days ago, the charger completely broke. So now I can't even just use my laptop when it's plugged in, I have to spend $25 and wait a week for a new cable. Ugh...

Right, well, as people that watch me know, I recently posted a character sheet for what should become my main character. Unfortunately, I can't draw four beans. Three, I could manage. Two, yeah, that's easy. Five, well you might as well burn the paper now. Anyways, the point is, I've been looking for some way to get at least a real basic sketch of him done. I unfortunately don't have any money, so I'll be looking like a beggar (whoo!), but I just thought I'd give my watchers a heads up.

Never forget the sacrifices made not just today by American itizens, but those made every day by everyone fighting for what they believe is right.

Oh god, we just took in three rescued kittens today and they're so freakishly adorable. They're only about three days old but they got abandoned during a storm and so we took them in and we're going to be fostering them. I fed one and then it climbed all over me and fell asleep under my chin with its face buried in my beard. I can't stop squeeing!

I hate the birds in my neighborhood. I really, really do. I got a nice 2005 Hyundai Accent, tiny lil white car with only 30000 miles on it, and I was so proud of it. I love the thing. Unfortunately, so do the birds. There's only one spot I can park it, and that's under a tree. And the birds have apparently decided it's the neighborhood dumping ground, if you'll pardon the pun. Which means I Have to go out in the nice ungodly hellish summer weather and wash it on a regular basis. Which isn't so bad, honestly, it's a bit tedious but it's relaxing. Until I step out onto the asphalt of the driveway and forget that I haven't wet it down or put shoes on. And it's 4 in the afternoon. The thing's been baking so long that it actually charred my foot. Seriously, I'm in the middle of scraping the burned callous off with a butter knife. It's terrible.

So, I finally have a job now, although it's not at all what I was expecting. I'm a sales associate for Homesafe Security, a GE (General Electric, for those that don't know) home security system dealer. It was actually pretty funny how I got the job. I was sitting on my laptop filling out yet another crappy cashier position application, when my cellphone started ringing. Now, I've been having problems with some ass giving out my cellphone number as his number repeatedly, so I've gotten to the point where I start to just hang up instantly. But I decided "You know, I'm going to listen to this." And the guy said "Hey, we'd like to have you in for an interview." And the next thing I know, I'm in orientation and training for my new job.

Unfortunately, since it is door to door selling, it's commission based pay, but it's high pay. $200 US for every sale, and up to $1500 in monthly bonus every month. Plus, after 90 days, I'm being considered for management, and according to the branch manager, it's VERY likely that I'll get the position.

It's pretty cool, I never considered door to door sales during my job hunt, but i's really more fun than it seems from the outside. It's good exercise, and you do meet some interesting people (as well as some "interesting" people...), and my coworkers are a lot of fun to chat with. In fact, the guy I was shadowing yesterday said that there's been plenty of times when he's been invited in by people for lunch or beers. In fact, he actually got invited to an actual 3 course meal before. You get a lot of "no's", but you just let them roll off your back and keep going with a smile on your face. If I play my cards right, I can actually start making a six-figure salary out of this job.

Really, this job has done loads to help me with the recent bout of depression that I've been going through, and it's given me at least a little bit of hope, something which I had completely run out of before. I'm finally starting to get back to my happy, smiling self.

Right, so for all you folks watching me that care, I've a job interview today with my local Sears (department store) as a cashier (or "sales associate", as they call it), so I'm hoping it goes well. Also, quick question. Why are you watching me? When I made this account, I never expected to get over 10 page views, much less over 10 watchers :P. Thanks ya, but I don't understand it. I'm not quite an interesting person >.>.

Also, side-note: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa7ck5mcd1o

This game... hell it's not even a game really. It's a piece of art that you get put inside. It gets in your head, and fucks around with it. Seriously, I'm still shaking. It's one of the most horrifying games I've ever played, and it's not scary. It worms its way into your mind and doesn't leave. It's shaken me to the core, and it's still going. I don't know whether to recommend it or warn you to stay as far away as possible. Let's just say, if you have a delicate mind, don't play it.

Extraversion |||||||||||| 46%
Stability |||||| 30%
Orderliness |||||| 30%
Accommodation |||||| 26%
Interdependence |||| 16%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 70%
Mystical || 10%
Artistic |||||||||| 36%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||| 30%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Narcissism |||||||||| 36%
Adventurousness |||||| 30%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 43%
Humanitarian |||||||||||| 43%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 43%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||| 56%
Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||| 23%
Change averse |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Individuality |||||| 23%
Sexuality |||||||||||||| 56%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63%
Family drive |||||| 30%
Physical Activity |||||| 23%
Histrionic |||||||||| 36%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Vanity |||||||||||||| 56%
Honor |||||||||||| 50%
Thriftiness |||||||||||||||||| 76%


Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.

trait snapshot:
messy, irritable, depressed, fragile, worrying, emotionally sensitive, does not like to lead, phobic, weird, suspicious, low self control, paranoid, frequently second guesses self, dependent, unproductive, introverted, weak, strange, unassertive, submissive, familiar with the dark side of life, feels invisible, rash, vain, anti-authority, heart over mind, low self concept, disorganized, not good at saving money, avoidant, daydreamer, unadventurous

Wow, so I do a lot of these memes huh? Oh well, it's better than nothing I suppose. And I promise, I'll make a real journal every so often for anyone that cares.

Anyways, stolen from  QuetzaDrake

1. Are you single or taken?
Taken.

2. Chocolate or flowers?
Chocolate.

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
No... I want to. Long distance relationships suck...

4.Do you like anyone?
Um... *points at number 1* I damn well hope so.

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
No.

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
Spending a day with my puppy. And a night with my puppy.

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
Um, well I didn't normally but on my forums I frequent I've become in charge of organizing holiday efforts, so I kind of have to.

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Yes actually. Several.

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
I'd rather say it to them in person.

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
No. I don't believe in fate or destiny or anything. You know, I think I'll write a journal about that soon.

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
Sometimes a little box of chocolate. But now that I'm in college I doubt it'll continue.

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
Never did.

13. Do you like candy hearts?
They're like Peeps. I like them around Valentines and no other time.

15. Is Valentines depressing?
No, I just can't stand the cynics that get pissed off that I like it. If I want to be happy why do you care!?

16. How do you feel about PDA?
Up to a certain point, I love them. I like seeing people happy, it makes me happy.

17. How is your love life?
Great. Up's and down's, I'm just happy to spend them with my puppy.

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
Nope.

19. How many roses would you want?
Actually, the smell of flowers irritates me. I think the only one I'd want is an orchid, because they are one of the few I find pretty enough to put up with the smell. Or honeysuckles. I love the smell of honeysuckles.

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next Valentines?
I damn well hope so.

Well that's another meme down. I tag...

 Rusteh,  shizu222,  Steel-Froggy, and  boomtastic

Menya shchnok lubluy!

Right, so  shizu222 tagged me with this thingamajigger so here goes:

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Absolutely, and he knows who he is.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Night

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Whichever side is closest to the wall. Hell I normally sleep with my legs up on the wall.

4. Pork, beef, or chicken?
BEEF. Bison's even better though

5. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
No, no I have not.

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No and I probably wouldn't unless I actually needed the cash.

7. Shower or bath?
Scalding hot showers all the way

8. Do you pee in the shower?
If I'm showering in the morning and don't have a lot of time before class, yes.

9. Mexican or Chinese?
Well, Chinese can beat anything Mexican can throw at it, save one: the burrito.

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
I prefer in the middle.

11. Do you love someone on your friend list?
Yes I do, someone on my yahoo list, and again he knows who he is.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
In person? Most of them. But a fair number of them I only know online.

13. Love or money?
Love, absolutely.

14. Credit cards or cash?
Cash. No paper trail, and you don't have to pay interest on cash.

15. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends on my mood.

16. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
I would take any hotel over camping personally, I freaking HATE the outdoors.

17. What is the weirdest place you have had sex.
N/A

18. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
Yes. Hair grows back

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No, and I don't plan to.

20. Ever been to a bar?
No.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
N/A.

22. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
No, I've never been to drunk to stand stably.

23. Kissed someone of the same sex?
Yes. Romantically? no. More like a peck on the cheek as a bet.

24. Favorite drink?
Alcoholic: Straight Whiskey or Baileys. Non-Alcoholic: Cherry Coke

25. Had sex in a movie theater?
No, I much prefer privacy.

26. Had sex in a bathroom?
No, and I don't plan to.

27. Have you ever had sex at work?
No and yet again, I wouldn't really want to.

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
No.

29. Bought something from an adult store?
N/A

30. Have you been caught having sex?
N/A

31. Does anyone have naughty pics of u?
One person.

32. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Well the people that would have already been tagged so whoopdy doo.

[ ] public speaking
[x] staying single forever
[ ] rejection
[x] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others
[x] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] fish
[x] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] that scary guy...
[x] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's dad
[ ] my boyfriend's/girlfriend's mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[x] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[x] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers ((mainly ones that aren't a multiple of 5))
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[x] growing up
[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] bee stings
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[x] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secret

Final Total: 25

If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it I'm afraid of __ out of 75 common fears.

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
*If you get 10-20, you are normal.*
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.

Stolen from  tsubani

1- I'll answer with something random about you.

2- I'll dare you to try something

3- I'll say a color I associate with you.

4- I'll tell you something I like about you.

5- I'll tell you something I always remember about you / a first memory about you.

6- I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.

7- I'll ask you something I always wanted to ask you.

8- If I do this for you, you must put this in your journal.

Taken from  ShaydeNekokoro