After over a month's long battle with his condition, my dog Bruz is gone. 5 years old and I had to put him down, he was slowly declining even on meds. Likely he had some kind of severe neurological issue or a Tumor. I've devastated beyond words and have not fully processed what has happened. The last picture I posted was him sleeping with jack. I'm going to pot a picture of him with me before I had to put him to sleep... honestly, I feel like I failed.

My little boy Bruz who is a 5 year old Chihuahua is very sick and been so for 5 days now. I have been to the vets with him 3 times and down nearly 1500 only for the vet to tell me they don't know what is wrong. In order for me to maybe find out what is wrong would cost me 4 - 6 k with a specialist. So right now we are on a last ditch effort. Either the meds he are on as of yesterday start to work in the next few days or I'll have to make what is now called a " Quality of life " choice. Bruz is only 5 years old.......

I don't know what else to do... I'm so wound up and ready to break.. my head hurts, my heart is racing, I can hardly focus even as I type this. I've called out of work for the rest of the week, mainly because meds either work or they do not.. by Saturday I'll have my answer.... I'm terrified.. heart broken... Just... Send whatever good vibes you can please...

So this coming Jan 20th to the 22nd Will be Furcon NEw England held up in Boston, I'll be there. First con ever, and I'll be bringing my partials with me ( provided my second one shows up ) I'll see anyone intrested there :D

I've recently made the choice to Trade away my truck and get myself out from under paying for it. I traded it to a dealer to pay off my loan in full and the 8k I had left over went into getting a 2004 Chevy Conversion van with a Wheelchair lift for my mother. I also bought a 1999 Sebring convertible, because I wanted a back up car to my Van should anything happen to 1 I have the other and well, convertible. I've chewed through around 5k in doing all this. 2700 for the Sebring, 2320 for the van, registration, Taxes, titles ect ect. Over all it's been a huge expense up front. On top of that I know the Sebring is going to need a repair as I can smell oil burning, I knew this when I bought it but I was willing to take a chance because the Car is amazing otherwise. Right now I feel like I'm going broke in a hurry because of how much I put out compared to how much I had.... I keep trying to tell myself I'm saving over 600 a month doing this and the cash will come back fairly quickly.. but FFS I feel depressed over this... I'm starting to doubt my choices and worried I screwed up again.... Cause I always screw things up....

Well, the main reason is I've been holding onto work for so damned long, I have long since lost who actually did them. I feel horrible for this. I want to post these wonderful works but I won't be able to give many artist credit where credit is due. I'm trying to dig through a backlog of notes I save but the note system to look beyond the first page is so damned poor it's honestly makes you want to quit trying.

I'm going to start uploading soon one way or another though... I have over 100 works to upload... and I want to share, so what I ask is if you know who did it or you see it being the artist who did it please let me know so I can credit the work properly.

Now my mother is in the Hospital. This honestly is nothing new, She's gone into the Hospital for this same things multiple times.. it happens 3 - 4 times a year and it's not serious but it is enough to admit her. There is a little bit more to her being there this time but it's still not serious. However what does this mean for me? It means I am not home alone in a very large apartment at a time when I should not be alone.

With it all starting with my computer repair... then my bank shutting down my account... going through 900 hoops to get a new account set up and making sure all information is out and correct for bills and deposits. Then my Fiance going into the Hospital for what should of been minor Surgery.. now in Boston for what could be major surgery because they fucked up.. not once but twice.... now my mother in the hospital and me home alone.... yea..... I've been honestly randomly crying at this point.....

Normally I would combat this by going out.. Movies, to see a show or just something... cept I can't even do that now because of Covid and the fact it's surging stronger then ever now...... horray....

I tap out okay? 2020 wins.. someone please sub in for awhile so I can take a break.....

My Fiance was Admitted to Sturdy Hospital Last week Monday. Ends up she needs her Gallbladder removed... a simple enough routine Procedure right? Well.... When I see her after her operation, she has a drain in her side.. odd.... Seems there was complications with the removal and they had to open her up more.. or so they said. After several days they send her for more test and determine that Ohh a clip must of come off one of the Bile ducts and needs to be replaced or her liver is just infected. We're going to send her for a Second operation to go in and look and see.

Soooooooo, 5 hours later I call the Hospital to find out what is going on. I'm going to make a long story short. They went to put a Stent in the bile duct so it could drain naturally... mind you they didn't tell me jack shit about a stent. They told me replace a clip or check the liver. Anyways my girl started to complain about side pains.... They send her for X-rays and find air bubbles in her side.... It would seem while placing the Stent by going through the Bowel.... the Surgeon damaged / Tore / Ruptured her Bowel wall.

Now I am being told these things normally heal naturally but that Just in case it doesn't and she needs another surgery... they are sending her to the Formerly known Boston Mass General Hospital for Observation and safety. IF she does need a 3rd surgery to fix the wall they wanted here with a specialist because that operation is very specific and they don't have much experience with it. Or in short.. IT'S BLOODY FUCKING COMPLICATED, and they don't want to strike 3.

I've talked to several people and we all came up with the same idea. They tried to do her Bladder removal normally and damaged the Bile duct doing so before they were forced to open her up to get it out. They placed a drain in her hoping the duct would heal on it's own but it didn't. So they sent her for another round to fix the Duct. ( At this point I still would of forgiven them ) Now... The new Surgeon while placing the stent.. damages her bowel wall. With that said they need to send her to a high end Hospital to repair the damage done.

To add onto this I am pretty sure I was lied to. First off the drain. I was told they always do this when they open someone up and need to was out the stomach. This is to make sure all the fluid gets out. First off I didn't need a drain when I had my Gastric sleeve. Also my Mother had the same Gallbladder removal and this was long before arthroscopic surgery was a thing and she never needed a drain. Second. Surgeon one told me either a clip came off the Bile duct and needed to be replaced or the liver was infected and just needed time to heal. Surgeon 2 told my girl that her Bile duct was damaged and they were going to have to put a stent into it so it could train naturally and stop draining into the cavity. Finally, again, You don't send someone to BMG for observation. My father was sent there when he fell off a ladder and needed her leg reconstructed. My mother was sent there when she was in a massive accident and needed 300 stitches in her face. I'll bet my savings account she has the 3 surgery.

I've already sent a message off to a Malpractice Lawyer. If there is a case.. this hospital is going to pay.

Yea, with my GF in the hospital for 4 days now I'm feeling lonely now this night. - sighs - Very similar to when my wife passed away after 15 years.

June is typically a rough month for me. First off it's when my first Wife passed. June 12th back in 2015, 6 days before my Birthday. Then there is my Birthday... and well when you're nearing 50.. it's just a reminder you're old and getting older. Now toss on that my Bank account getting closed and the insanity I went through with that, and now my GF is in the hospital... I seriously want to call a time out and have someone sub in for me for a little while to I can recover for the next 6 months coming up.

I've been having trouble sleeping too. Not just my GF not being here, it's been going on before she ended up in the hospital. I'll be asleep or falling asleep and something seems to startle me awake. I might get a total of 5 hours a night now and that tends to be broken sleep.

Yea, I am depressed. I mean my personal life is enough but add in all the crap happening in the world right now. The single most corrupt Government we've ever had in the history of the U.S. with a president who is systematically firing people who threaten him or his cronies. The word of law being fully ignored as they try to allow proven criminals set free. Ignoring, dismissing or downplaying the possible threat to our troops in the terms of Russian bounties. Begging China to help him win the election.. and so much more. Plus the Virus which is coming back stronger then ever. An unsure future in terms of jobs and money.... It's enough to crush anyone's hope.

Don't get me wrong.. I'm not suicidal. I have things to live for.. my girl, my dogs, my mother who needs me help and care. My Father too. Just.. it so much to take in world wide and personally it's almost soul crushing... and sitting here alone in the dark unable to sleep isn't helping me....

I Live in a Northern state. Mass to be exact and Even here I see these big " Redneck " Style trucks with these Trump flags flying as they drive around. Well, My Truck isn't " Redneck " really. I own a Ram 1500. I added a few things to it. Bug shield, Mud Flaps, Headache Rack, Nerf bars and a bed cover. So it's not just a plain truck either. I get a lot of compliments on it.

Anyways, I'm not here to debate politics, you are free to vote who you want to vote for and I'm not here to change your mind so please keep that in mind if you wish to comment.

Getting on, Getting tired of seeing said trucks, I have ordered 3 flag poles, 1 Trailer hitch Flag mount, 2 Biden 2020 Flags and 1 American Flag. ( They are not the heavy duty Cloth flags, they are the typical flags you see flying outside people's on those house mounted poles, but they should hold up. ) I am going to mount the American Flag on the Bumper mount and the 2 Biden flags will be strapped to the inside of my Headache rack.

This should be interesting I come across one of those Trump Trucks >.>

She started having stomach pains, burping a LOT and lower back pain on the same side. Considering she had Goll stones not long ago I was able to easilly figure out her Gallbladder was struggling. Took her to the Hospital and about 5 hours later after Blood work, Urine sample, UItra sound AND cat-scan the admitted her into the Hospital. She's most likely going to go for Surgery Tomorrow morning or Wednesday morning. I know this surgery isn't serious but She has never stayed over night in a hospital and she's never had surgery before, this is very scary for her. I felt like shit leaving her alone and you top on that it has not been that long since her mother passed away After she just moved here.... - sighs - It has not been a good week has it?

Go from constantly having something great happen, and follow it up with something terrible.. CONSTANTLY.....

I told Y'all about me getting engaged and the day we had and it was great. Now.... not 2 days later I find out some of my Info has been compromised... I work quickly to cut it off and I do... I only take a small hit on amazon that's being looked at as we speak.... To make 100% sure I am safe, I cancel my Debit card and go to get a new card... Except my Account has been locked... okay no biggie, just keeping me safe right? WRONG!

My bank says there has been several " Red Flag " Transactions on my account and they are locking it down and ending the relationship, and I need to go to the local branch to close my account..... okay.. this is frustrating as hell as it is because these " Questionable transactions " Are me sending money to people over seas for Furry art.. yea... the adopts and YCHs that go to places like Russia and the Ukraine? They got my account flagged and closed.. but wait!! THERE'S MORE!!!! They are now not going to allow me to close the account.. they need to investigate my account to make sure all the money there belongs to me and then they will MAIL ME A CHECK!!!! I have roughly 12k in the bank I CANNOT ACCESS... and won't be able to for upwards of 2 weeks!!!!

.................................................................................................... I want to scream so hard...... It's the end of the month... bills are coming due.... and my whole financial life is being turned the fuck up side down right now because of this.... Because a bank didn't like my sending money to real people for real art they send me here... WELCOME TO TD BANK.... Fuck you.

I'm Engaged :)

I popped the question and she said yes :D . Long story short I took her out to the Cape, out to the beach area. We walked the historic town, did some shopping. Had an expensive lunch that was NOT worth what I paid xD. Then finally I asked her in front of an Old Church that was turned into a library. From there we went to an Old Drive in and yes, we stayed for both movies... we didn't see all of either movie as we did engage in Extra Vehicular activities twice 😁 Then we drove home.

The funny part is The drive is is literally 2 hours away from where I live and the movie didn't finish till nearly 1 am. We weren't home till 3 am xD I was running off of 3 - 4 hours of sleep from the night before because I was trying to make sure I had everything planned out right for the day out.

That's what it cost to finally fix my computer.... replacing the Graphics card.... That's what was wrong and I paid 2000 dollars for the convince of it..... I have never felt stupider in my life.... I am honestly disgusted with myself right now...

500 bucks for my computer repair... AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK JUST BROKE AGAIN!!!!

no fucking joke.... it did the same thing it was doing before.... Froze up.. 100% now it will boot to a black screen.... if I'm stubborn enough I can get it to come back for 5 minutes... then it just goes blank again.

I'm so upset, I'm honestly crying right now....

So yea, Couple things folks. First off my PC is back. The C drive was toast. They replaced the C drive which is a 1TB SSD and then rescued my data... all to the tune of 500 bucks. Just what I wanted to spend after getting 2000 dollars in appliances and a Lap top of 600 bucks to tide me over till this beast came back. Still I have the big girl back and she's working well. Honestly there were clues the drive was having issues now that I look back and realize them.

Next, I was digging through my Adopts and Well.... I have to many. Yea I knew it but let me be clear, I'm not going to use them all, not even close... so that said I'm going to clear some out over time and offer them up first to people who watch me and then to the general public. I'm going to put them up for a flat fee and trust me, I'll be losing money on them which is fine. I just want them to go where they will get used.

So that said if you peak in my Scraps folder you'll see 4 Adopts up for grabs.

Starrlet my space colored lizard girl. for 20 bucks.

Julian my Femboy mouse for 30 bucks.

Charlotte - a BBWish curvy bear with big paws is 40

and finally Ursa, Dargon mom / Buff dragon female. This is a full out Ref sheet so I'm asking 60 for her.

If you see one you like and can't afford it, just shoot me a note and we'll see if we can work something out. Now if you'll Excuse me, I'ma go catch up on some gaming quests ;)

My 4000 dollar PC that is not even 5 months old crapped the bed last night. It's huge and heavy and I'm not RMAing it to Cyber power. So it's currently in a local PC shop to be repaired. All things point to a bad Processor or bad Mother board. Either way it's going to be a big expense. I hadto get a laptop, another 600 bucks so I can do what I need to do in order to do what I need to do online and r
trust me, it sucks.... On top of that all my pictures are on my PC.... I really need to get an external HD or flash drive for my files.....

So I have been wanting to update Xochi's Ref sheet for the LONGEST time. Well I finally commissioned one! Reason I waited to do this for so long is because I had 1 Artist in mind to do it. However that Artist I do so admire has been having ups and downs. They did open their Ref commissions at one point but closed them down again. So that said Luck brought me to someone who pretty much draws in the same style as The other artist does. Now don't get me wrong, that's not the ONLY reason I choose to go with this guy. I've chatted with him here and there. He gifted me an art piece which I have posted among other things. So pull all that together I decided to choose him. So watch in the semi near future for a new Xochi Ref sheet!

So I won a bid for Rondo for a YCH slot. Now I know Rondo isn't one of my more popular but he's my sub and this is a sub slot. So that said, this is a 4 slot YCH, 2 are taken leaving 2 left. One full body and one lower body slot. This of course is not by me, but I like the look of the work. So that said if you might be interested in getting your Sona drawn with Rondo then you just need to go here.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/35.....#cid:146176975 and bid on one of the 2 slots.

what's that? Who's Rondo? >.> Really? - sighs - okay okay this is Rondo https://www.furaffinity.net/view/30518132/

He's a cute boi for sure.

So yes, someone offered to help make one for me but honestly with this lock down I don't have the brain capacity to come up with a new look for this sona. So I'ma just throw it out there again, I'm lookign for a Buff male horse adopt. Not uber muscle, just a nice big buff like Koji or even a Muscle gut like Bruz. So if you know of one up for grabs, throw me a link plz. Not saying I will 100% go for it.. but it'll be more success then I have been having on my own.

This lock down has me climbing the walls. Yea I have a lot of video games and yea, I play them but I'm use to going out too. I had tickets to see AWE, to see Colin Mockery and Chip improv. I had a Disney Vacation booked that was fully refunded, I had Le Miserable tickets that have been refunded. To top that off the person I care take for is Bi-polar and is in a foul mood today having snapped at an insulted me early on in the day causing me to hibernate in my room to avoid it. Doesn't help I'm mildly Bi-polar as well. Anything I boot up I quickly get frustrated, or lose interest or whatever. Not being able to leave is going to really push me into a bad place if this keeps up....

I have been looking for awhile now for a Buff horse. Clydesdale or big Draft. I am not having ANY luck finding one, if anyone out there know where to go to look for something like this please let me know.

After feeling good enough to start posting again and being happy with my GF now lviing with me and things going so well... my GF just got new today that he mother passed away.... yea.. not 2 weeks after leaving home for the first time EVER.... her mother passes. IT's hard enough losing a parent unexpectedly but to lose that parent just weeks after to choose to leave home and go live elsewhere? Yea.... Going to be making emergency plans to fly back to Minnesota with her for the Funeral. I know her feelings are far more important then mine, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I feel like SH*T for her not being home during these times.....

I know pretty much all I have been uploading is Adopts. Well that isn't all I have. I have honestly commissioned a LOT of YCHs. From typical, to well yea, Vore.. only because I know some of you enjoy it and well, I don't mind it personally. ( I have zero negatives about almost any kink and have participated in more then you'd think ) I really have a lot of arts I can upload. I have just been beyond busy lately.

I recently went to Minnesota to get my GF and move her here to New England with me. Setting things up has been a bigger undertaking then I thought it would be. I mean first thing first I drove there, and back, ( towing a trailer on the return ) Now she's here I am working on setting her up to work. I have been gathering the needed paperwork to get her into Bus Driving. ( IT's honestly a good job ) Plus we have been sifting though all her stuff... I wish I could say more but it would take forever to describe. Long story short it took a shovel to clean her room before we left.

So yea, I have been non stop on the go for months now setting stuff up and work has been crazy giving me precious little time off. Work is going to slow down now for about a month so Hopefully I'll be able to get some of the backlog I have uploaded. True to for.. I don't have the artist for every one so will try to have to dig big time to find them. So stay tuned all you Yiffy furs. There will be more to come.

Up and coming will be some of the Boys time to shine. I have given the girls a lot of time and a little sprinkling of the boys. So up coming will be several YCHs I have gotten slots in. First will be Bruno, Second will involve Bruz and finally will be Claus. For anyone wondering, and I don't know why you would all my males are Bi-sexual cause well I am.

After that I have some more of some of the Girls to upload as per normal and I really hope you enjoy them because they all Literally come from the same Artist. Where as he does not supplant Sir Smiley as my Fav, Smiley has gone inactive for a little and in browsing I stumbled across this guy who I feel deserves a bit more attention cause trust me, he's made bank off me xD Honestly though I feels he's good.

I wanted to say thank you to ALL the people who have come along to follow me. I just recently looked and we are approaching 500!!! WOW! I just buy arts and use to upload SL pictures ( never know that could happen again ) and damned nearly almost 500 followers!!!! Thank you ALL of you! - hugs - You like me! You really like me!!! xD