goodbye

So, I think I've done something stupid.
I think I rushed into this relationship with a friend of mine

and I have come to realize, that I don't love him. Everything he does annoys me and makes me angry.
Even something like "Hey honey" or "I love you" makes me angry and upset.

Maybe it's because I don't really love it.
Maybe he ruined it by constantly asking "What are you doing honey?" and then he got insulted when I told him to stop constantly asking.

Now my parents, or well, my dad, is saying that I can not just break up with my boyfriend because it would 'hurt' him, but is it fair to him that I am with him when I don't even love him and everything he does annoys me?

Like, he apporached me today and my immediate reply was "Not now."
Stone cold, no emotion, no nothing and I do not reply to his messages already, cause he's annoying and bothering me to no end.

So how do I break up with him without 'hurting' him?
I mean, I could continue freezing him out or 'ghost' him.

But idk, that would be mean?
I'm not a good person, I know that, but I am not really gonna try and change in this exact situation.

I am almost 100% that I have lost all feelings.
Like, I'm just angry and annoyed with everything.

I'm not gonna be active much the next time.
I don't know for how long precisely.

I guess time will show.

I guess those that wants to, can contact me on skype, but don't expect me to reply.

for fucking everything up, and I am sorry for being so stupid.

I am sorry for being a bother.
I'm sorry I'm depressed.
I'm sorry that I'm stressed.
I'm sorry that I'm anxious.
I'm sorry that I'm paranoid.
I'm sorry that I'm an insomniac.
I'm sorry that I'm not okay.
I'm sorry for 'poisoning' your lives.
I'm sorry for dragging you down.
I'm sorry for all the things I do.
I'm sorry that I breathe the air that others deserve more than me.
I'm sorry.

I'm not sorry for wanting to die.
I'm not sorry for wanting to disappear.
I'm not sorry for saying that I want to.

It makes me sad that no one can give me a solution.
it makes me sad that no one wants to help me.
NO, do not mention family or friends. Friends don't care, family is powerless in this constant struggle between myself and my mind and disorders. and doctors do not want to help me. They think I'm just lazy and trying to find excuses to be left alone to be 'lazy' and have 0 commitment to or for anything.

I just, want to die.
but I don't know how to take my life in a painless way.
I'd like to know though, because then I could do it and everyone would be happy.

Afterall, all the people I thought cared about me, is or has given or giving up on me.
because I'm a bad influence on their lives.

but I also don't wanna hear them say "Just be happy" or "Just talk to someone and you'll get better."
it proves they don't fucking understand my situation. There's nothing worse for me than being told to 'just' be happy, or 'just' change my attitude. Like it's something I can do by snapping my fingers. It's not how it works.

I can't change, specially not without help
and noone wants to help me, because I'm not important enough.

So what do you do, when the whole world is turning it's back on you?
I think it's simple, you just lie down and die.

I have made a public/bussiness skype for those of you that want to chat with me, but does not have my personal skype.
This new skype is one that I will only be online on, occassionally, until I figure out whether my laptop works as it should or not. If it works and wanna connect to my wifi, I will most likely be online on both personal and public account at the same time.

I will probably pay more attention to my personal account though, but do not be afraid to talk/write to me on the public/bussiness account.
I will not bite you or harass you in anyway, and if I seem rude, let me know that you feel offended, and what MADE you feel offended, and I will try to act differently.

Now, before adding me, there is some rules.

1. Remember to include your username and whether you're from fA or dA. This is so I can 'tag' you and rename you on my list so I will always know who you are, since sudden name changes DO confuse me and makes me anxious.

2. Don't get mad if I don't respond to you right away. Believe it or not, but I have a lot of things to take care of, and honestly, skype isn't my first priority.

3. Do not spam me and do not try to force me into doing calls with you. I will not be doing calls, those are reserved for close friends on my personal skype acc. Likely only people that I am also friends with on facebook as well as people I rp with and feel comfortable with thanks to getting to know them through their rp skills.

4. I do not want to 'yiff' with anyone, so don't even go there. I am all up for rping but it will not be porn/yiff.


Now that you have read all the above rules, go ahead and add me:
Skype name: sickbites
NOTE: My icon is of "L" from Death Note.

haven't done anything in a month and now the first thing I do is to do a meme I am an awful human being

Bold which bad habits you have:

nail biting | throat clearing | lying | interrupting | chewing the ends of pens | smoking | swearing | knuckle cracking | thumb sucking | muttering under their breath | talking to themselves | nose picking | binge drinking | oversleeping | snacking between meals | skipping meals | picking at skin | impulse buying | talking with their mouth full | humming/singing to themselves | chewing gum | leg jiggling | foot tapping | hair twirling | whistling | eye rolling | licking lips | sniffing | squinting | rubbing hands together | jaw clenching | gesturing while talking | putting feet on tables | tucking hair behind ears | chewing lips | crossing arms over chest | putting hands on hips | rubbing the back of their neck | being late | procrastinating | doodling | shredding paper | peeling off bottle labels | forgetfulness | running hands through hair | overreacting | teeth grinding | nostril flaring | slouching | pacing | drumming fingers | fist clenching | pinching bridge of nose | rubbing temples | rolling shoulders



that's a lot of bad habits I have there.
lets not forget to mention that I am also insomniac.
most of these things are things I do when I get annoyed, and some of them are things I do subconciously or when I'm stressed. Only one of these things is something I do on purpose and that is drumming fingers. i do that because I know it annoys people and there's just some people that I love being a jerk to hahah. Oops.

Hey guys! Sorry for being so inactive lately, I just really haven't had the time for Furaffinity lately, and I am even somewhat inactive on dA.

I will try to get back into being active though, but I can't promise anything.

It is so typical cause they made account registration available on here the day after I make an adult account on sofurry. Anyways. GUESS I'LL BE HAVING TWO ADULT ACCOUNTS THEN. same adult work will be submitted to both accounts though.

If you are curious as to what kind of naughty things I may or may not be uploading, then go to:

and have a looksie.
I am so awfully anxious and shy about adult art so I may may not be replying to comments and such on my adult account haha. At least once I start uploading things. But here's a secret, I am working on some things for it. *wiggly eyebrow*

Press F5 to see my new icon.

That's right.
I'm back to having an Ivan icon, and this time I hope I'll keep it.

I really love my character and I wish he was my sona.

I am tired of trying to be the good guy. I am tired of being looked down on. I am tired of being hated. I am tired of being trashtalked. I am tired of being treated as the bad guy in every fucking sense.

I have done nothing to deserve this.
Apparently I harass people
apparently I scorn people


apparently I am just a little demon causing nothing but trouble everywhere I look.
I am alone. I don't want to be alone.

I want someone to love me
to understand me and back me up
to be with me
to wanna spend their life with me

so I won't be alone.
So I won't sit like this
right here
right now

with bloody arms, feeling nothing but hated.
regretting absolutely nothing.

I wished I had the guts to kill myself.
I wish I had died last year.

I wish I was deadly sick
I wish I could go and lie down and never wake up


I have nothing to live for. I never had and probably never will have.
what difference does it make

I live for nothing and if I died, the world would still go on, it would go on like nothing had happened. Because I am hated by everyone..

I wanna list the persons who hate me the most but that'd be another 'bad' thing to do.
But then again, I've done so many bad things now, that nothing I can say or do would make it better, right.

Right... So why do I care about whether it's right or wrong to do?
I want these people to see this journal. I want them to know exactly what state they've put me in. I guess I want them to feel guilty for treating me like shit.

Sure I've done some things, some stupid things. But I am a human. Just like everyone else and we all do stupid things right, so why is it so BAD when i do it? If someone else had done it, these guys would've been like "Meh whatever" but since it's me they're like "NO YOU ARE HORRIBLE AND I AM NOT GONNA FORGIVE YOU EVER BECAUSE YOU DID IT ALL ON PURPOSE". between the lines, these people are basically telling me that I am horrible and that I should go die.

Maybe I should
I want to
tell me how
please.

Only danes and other scandinavians will probably get this.

Nico: Nu siger jeg det bare.
[01:59:40] Nico: Hvorfor hakker du på mig? Det er fint du har det hårdt men lad være med at tvære det ud på en ven.
[01:59:54] Dre: hakker på dig?
[01:59:58] Nico: Det er sårende og ikke okay at være sådan overfor en, specielt ikke på en fælles chat.
[01:59:58] Dre: hvordan hakker jeg på dig?
[02:00:03] Nico: "du sendte mig billeder ahah"
[02:00:08] Dre: det gjorde du jo?
[02:00:10] Nico: "var det forkert tegning?"
[02:00:25] Nico: jah, men det var ikke som sådan tegning og du sender også til mig
[02:00:27] Dre: Er vi ude i noget i at jeg skal blokere/slette dig fra min skype liste igen?
[02:00:32] Nico: Hvorfor?
[02:00:43] Nico: JEg siger bare hvordan jeg har det og det er ikke okay at være sådan.
[02:00:47] Dre: jeg gider ikke du skal skælde mig ud fordi du mener jeg er ond og dum?
[02:00:50] Dre: jeg har IKKE hakket på dig
[02:00:57] Nico: Jeg begynder at tro du ikke vil have mig som ven.
[02:01:02] Dre: du kender ikke betydningen af ordet hvis du tror det jeg lige sagde/gjorde var at hakke på dig
[02:01:17] Nico: Det er stikkende og udstille mig og du ved udmærket godt hvad jeg snakker om Pitt.
[02:01:31] Dre: Lad
[02:01:32] Dre: være
[02:01:33] Dre: med
[02:01:33] Dre: at
[02:01:34] Dre: skælde
[02:01:35] Dre: mig
[02:01:35] Dre: ud
[02:01:37] Nico: JEg har ikke sagt du er dum, ond eller noget lignende.
[02:01:37] Dre: for
[02:01:38] Dre: fucks
[02:01:39] Dre: sake
[02:02:08] Nico: Så lad være med at udstille mig sådan, bare fordi du er en chat og alt det. Jeg siger det fordi det gør ondt og det burde du vide.
[02:02:25] Nico: Tag det som skæld ud men du kender selv følelsen.
[02:02:26] Dre: hvordan er jeg en chat?
[02:02:31] Nico: på en chat.
[02:02:40] Nico: Se, nu gør du det igen.
[02:02:48] Dre: Jeg spørger?!
jeg hakker ikke på dig
[02:02:50] Dre: for fanden!
[02:03:15] Nico: Glem det. JEg siger det bare og du burde vide hvordan det føles når du slev har oplevet det, så hvorfor gør du det selv.
[02:04:46] Nico: Hør nu her Pitt.
[02:05:01] Nico: Jeg sidder og prøver at sige til dig du skal lade være også gør du det satme igen.
[02:05:07] Nico: Det er ikke okay.
[02:05:23] Nico: Hvis du vil have anerkendelse, jeg siger ikke du er ond eller noget, jeg siger bare jeg ikke synes det var ok.
[02:06:25] Dre: Jeg hakker ikke på dig for fucks sake
[02:08:52] Dre: HVIS JEG HAVDE HAKKET PÅ DIG HAVDE JEG SIDDET OG HAKKET PÅ DIG OG SKÆLDT DIG UD OG NÆVNT DIG
[02:09:08] Dre: JEG FORTALTE DU SENDTE MIG BILLEDER FORDI DET HAVDE DU GJORT
DU SAD OG LØJ OVERFOR DE ANDRE
[02:09:11] Nico: Så vær sød og lade være med at udstille mig sådan.
[02:09:44] Nico: JEg er fucking ligeglad med de andre, jeg er kun venner med dig. Det er vi så åbenbart ikke.
[02:09:57] Dre: du ved ÅBENBART ikke hvad det vil siges at blive hakket på hvis du troede det JEG gjorde var at hakke på dig.
[02:10:03] Nico: Og det jeg mente med tegning var ulve. JEg har ikke tegnet ulve i et stykke tid. JEg har tegnet et gadehjørne og en krusedulle hund.
[02:10:14] Nico: JEg mente udstille, undskyld, my bad.
[02:10:32] Nico: Men jeg ville ikke havde gjort det samme og sige "øhøh, du sendte mig da billeder den og den dag"
[02:10:42] Nico: Synes du det er okay at gøre overfor en ven?
[02:11:49] Dre: Altså
[02:11:55] Dre: jeg har venner der gør den slags
[02:11:58] Dre: jeg piver da ikke over dem
[02:12:06] Dre: og jeg skælder dem da ikke ud over sådan nogle småting.
[02:13:25] Nico: Sikke nogle gode venner.
[02:15:58] Dre: idet mindste er vi alle sammen voksne.
[02:16:07] Dre: Desuden ved jeg mine venner ikke gør det for at såre mig
[02:16:17] Dre: jeg gør heller ikke noget af det jeg gør for at såre dig men det tror du
[02:16:31] Dre: og så er vi måske ikke venner hvis du konstant har det sådan med det jeg siger og gør.
[02:16:33] Dre: Jeg har ikke
[02:16:37] Dre: hakket på dig
[02:16:38] Nico: Jeg ville bare ikke have udstilt en sådan.
[02:16:41] Dre: svinet dig til
[02:16:45] Dre: været OND mod dig
[02:16:48] Dre: eller været URIMELIG
[02:16:50] Nico: Nej, jeg rettede det også til udstille.
[02:16:58] Nico: Nej, har jeg sagt det?
[02:16:59] Dre: jeg har heller ikke udstillet dig.
[02:17:02] Nico: JEg har sagt udstille.
[02:17:04] Nico: Det har du da.
[02:21:57] Dre: Nej
[02:22:05] Dre: Ved du hvad
[02:22:08] Dre: jeg gider ikke det her mere.
[02:22:21] Dre: Jeg gider ikke du altid skal opføre dig sådan der hver gang der sker et eller andet
[02:22:30] Dre: jeg gider ikke være en du brokker dig til hele tiden.
[02:22:32] Dre: Jeg.
[02:22:34] Dre: I've had it
[02:22:38] Dre: I'm done
[02:22:50] Dre: I am so fucking done with this shit
[02:22:55] Dre: Jeg er ked af du har det hårdt
[02:23:08] Nico: Bare stop Pitt.
[02:23:17] Dre: men jeg gider ikke skulle være den der skal hører på det og så have skæld ud fordi du misforstår noget eller mener jeg har været urimelig.
[02:24:15] Nico: Jeg gør det ikke hver gang men synes bare det ikke var okay. Jeg siger det bare men det er altså dig der kører det yderligere op i en spids, også fordi du forsatte og kørte det ud på chatten. Du ville også havde blevet sur og det var lidt urimeligt.
[02:24:24] Dre: jeg skal ikke stå til ansvar overfor dig og ærligt talt, hvis du bliver såret over en lille ting, som ikke er værd at blive sur over, er du måske slet ikke gammel/moden nok til forum eller chat rp. Jeg gider det ikke. Jeg gider ikke høre på brok eller idéer. Jeg gider ikke. Det er trættende og irriterende.
[02:24:40] Nico: Men det er fint, jeg sagde det bare.
[02:24:43] Dre: Nej for jeg ville ikke være blevet sur over sådan en bagatel til at starte med lucks
[02:24:47] Dre: det er der de gik galt
[02:24:56] Dre: og jeg gider det ikke mere.
[02:25:06] Dre: Jeg har været igennem sådan noget lort her før
[02:25:08] Dre: med Heidi
[02:25:12] Dre: gider ikke også med dig
[02:25:40] Nico: Ærligt talt, det er ikke mig som er barnlig, men det er dig lige nu og kører på min alder og jeg har det hårdt, og jeg kører op i små ting og bla bla bla. Jeg sagde bare det ikke er okay at køre på alder og det er vel fair nok.
[02:26:47] Nico: Jeg synes ikke jeg har gjort det i lang tid men lad os bare stoppe med at diskutere det. Jeg ville bare sige til dig det ikke var rart og jeg tror ikke du ville have syntes det samme. At sige "forkert tegning?" er flabet og at udstille. Også barnligt.
[02:27:02] Dre: Pas på ellers skal jeg nok blive rigtig led og poste samtalen her offentligt.
[02:27:52] Dre: Jeg ville ikke blive ligeså tosset over det som du er blevet.
[02:27:58] Nico: Hvorfor?
[02:28:07] Dre: Fordi jeg er voksen nok til ikke at tage det så tungt.
[02:28:20] Dre: FOR FANDEN. det var måske mere forståeligt hvis vi KENDTE hinanden men det gør vi ikke
[02:28:43] Nico: Det er nemlig det du ikke er, når du truer med sådan noget og true med at være led. Det kan du jo godt selv se Pitt, ikke?
[02:29:21] Nico: Jeg prøver ikke være led men jeg - igen - sagde bare at jeg ikke synes det var ok og det er altså dig som kører det op, på urimeligt vis.

Nico is www.lucky8d.deviantart.com

and basically she freaked out about a very silly thing and immediately accused me of picking on her, and all kinds of shit.
Which, I did not.

DANES AND OTHER SCANDINAVIANS WHO READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS, tell me. Am I in the wrong and completely in the dark in this whole thing? And just a plain horrible person?

or is it Lucky who's being silly and childish about a small unimportant thing?
Let me know. ENLIGHTEN ME.

SO, EVERYONE KNOWS HOW ANXIOUS AND ALL BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SO SCARED AND TERRIFIED THAT MAYBE I WOULDN'T GET ANYTHING I WISHED FOR BUT I GOT SUCH A PLEASENT SURPRISE.


I FINALLY GOT THE PS3 I WANTED! I GOT A BUNCH OF NEW PS3 GAMES AND I HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO BRING THE WALKING DEAD SURVIVAL INSTINCT WITH ME HOME AS MY GAME.

AMONG THE AMES I GOT THERE IS:
SNIPER 2: GHOST WARRIORS
CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2
CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 3
AND CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS 2

I CAN NOW ALSO FINALLY BRING BACK HOME MY STREET FIGHTER x TEKKEN, TEKKEN TAG TOURNAMENT 2 AND MIRRORS EDGE BECAUSE NOW I CAN FINALLY PLAY THEM.

I GOT A CD WITH MFS AS WELL WHICH ALSO MADE ME VERY HAPPY BECAUSE I LOVE MFS BECAUSE THEY MAKE GOOD SONGS.
I GOT THAT EXTRA THINGY I WANTED FOR MY PC WHICH IS ALSO GOOD SO NOW I CAN TAKE BACKUPS OF MY PC IN CASE ANYTHING GOES WRONG WITH IT.

I AM SO VERY SATISFIED NOW ACTUALLY BECAUSE OMFG I GOT A PS3<3
IT'S MY MOST FAVOURITE GIFT THIS YEAR<3

for new amazing animated icon, poorly done by me
isn't it gorgeous

Making E's reference.

at the lining part. I hate lining things aknjdjaknd

https://join.me/474-511-305

Okay, so lately, life has been a hell.

Since last time I wrote a journal, tons of shit have happened.
I was accused for harassing, manipulating and being plain horrible and awful to members and staff of the group www.domain-of-the-wolf.deviantart.com

That pretty much struck me down and I have been down ever since, and it's almost, at LEAST a month ago now, and I am STILL not better.

I know it's ridiculous and many people are probably gonna go "It's not real, they don't even know you face to face, get over it. You decide how your life is supposed to be."

It might not be real, and though I know it's false that I am a horrible person (all my friends at least, tells me that I am a nice person and relatively loyal to everyone that means something to me). Sure, I do dumb things every now and then, but who doesn't? It's human nature to do dumb things.

It's human nature to NOT BE PERFECT. I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be.
But being fake and accusing good people for bad things whilst making childish decissions, trying to make others believe that you're mature, is not right.

Admins: Quailmix, MatrixPotato and Buttgrapes/Spicybuns
are 3 of four people that accused me of being horrible.

A friend of theirs, and co-admin of the group www.dogs-of-canidale.deviantart.com too agreed to the fact that I was horrible.

and may I tell y'all that none of them gave a shit about me afterwards, it was like I wasn't even there. I was ignored for a long time and when they finally responded to notes as well as messages on skype, they were mean and rude.


I was 'fine' both mentally and physically before they treated me that badly.
But after their treatment, even if it was just messages they sent to me, I literally got sick. I felt bad, had lack of apetite, my depression kicked up, and even though I have begun to drink water and eat healthier foods again now, I am still not well.

I am constantly tired and I practically just wanna give up.
The only reason that I am still here and able to sit and type all of this shit is because I am too cowardly to kill myself.



Honestly, I should have died 1st January 2014.
I shouldn't have made it through, I should have died and been mangled in the worst possible way.

I would've been out of this hell forever.
Instead of being left with a death wish that keeps returning to me at every waking moment.

I feel better when I sleep.
I was good in my sleep.
But then I woke up.

If this is the reality I live in, if the real world I live in, insists on making me feel and have a horrible life, then I don't wanna live it.
I can't change my own life.

I've tried, and failed.
Every time I think that things are getting better they get worse.

Look forward to this cause me and this girl are gonna do the accent tag thingy for our youtube accs. lol.

So all you guys can laugh at how we sound when we try to pronounce things LOL
be warned. I have a boring and sucky accent because I live in a boring sucky country.

jfc.

It is official.
I now hate summer.

I will never complain about winter again.
Snow = sure as hell I'mma complain about snow


but never the cold winter weather.
I miss the cold. at least I can handle the cold.

the heat this year in summer is pretty bad and intense and I feel like crying.

Been awake and rolling around on my bed all night long being unable to sleep because it's so hot. So now I've given up on sleeping and is just sitting and drinking coke and juice and water and waiting for Loki to start streaming and trying to make myself reply to rp notes because I feel awful.


So truth is I am probably only feeling this bad because I am dehydrated as hell, because I never ever drink enough water or anything
I don't drink those 2 gallons of water that a human being is supposed to everyday.

and I guess I am 'paying' for that now.
this year's summer is awful.

Is finally gonna get probably introduced everywhere.
However, before y'all start asking what breed or species of animal he is. Don't. Don't even go there.

I'm gonna give it to you straight so you'll know something about him before he's brought in.

He is human, always has been and always will be.
He has a strange obsession and fascination of Fish and has a big indoor (very big indoor) fish tank with Koi fish. Very wierd and untraditional, but he does.

he has 2 cats also. (as he despises almost all other animals.)

He's a pretty darn tall guy ( 1.92 cm - approx 6 foot 3) but a bit underweight because he don't eat as much as he should for a guy his size and has a job that has him do a lot of excersize as it appears he's almost - or at least rather often - running around, climbing buildings, jumping from roof top to roof top.. etc. All kinds of funny stuff.

which brings me to the next part that is that he is mastering parkour fairly well, and is also pretty good at martial arts. He moves pretty smooth and quickly, with a lot of precision. He has had former 'main' jobs as a drugdealer and a smuggler, but was after a while hired as a hitman/assasin for a larger group of really nasty guys.

They, also, rely a lot on his skills and experience with smuggling things and usually have him do their dirty work. Right down from getting rid off threats, as well as to smuggle whatever - weapons, drugs, money, could really be anything - to their partners/Allies.


WHICH BRINGS ME ON TO ANOTHER INTERESTING CHARACTER THAT ALSO NEEDS A REF (But I can't draw humans lol)
and that guy's name is Teven.

He too, is a gay. (gotta love 'em gays)
He is not afraid of women like Hyedi is, though, and he's not scared of men either. Well, maybe Leighs(Which is not my oc but is probably gonna be featured in the story I'm writing) because Leighs is a dick and a very bad boyfriend that really sets some rules for Teven and is in for hardcore punishments if said rules are broken. (Also, Leighs is really badly into the whole S/M thing so fun times when Leighs and Teven are doing their 'thing') and thus Teven only seems nervous around Leighs.

Teven is SHORTER than Hyedi, but yet, still very tall. He's around 1.83 or 1.85 cm tall (dunno how much it is in inches, probably 6 foot something too though) and he has an appropiate and healthy weight. He excersizes regularly and eats like he should.

He is a professional assasin.
He owns a blind, pitch black, american pit bull terrier.
He dislikes cats and other animals (Him and Hyedi should never meet, at least not alone lol)

He has long blonde hair. Not down to the butt long, but maybe to the middle of his shoulders or something.
He's white. But not racist.

He don't care if you're white, black, asian, or whatever, if he has orders to kill you he will and he won't treat you any more evil than he treats the others, nor will he treat you nicer than he treats others.

He prefers to snipe people, but can also sneak up on them or lure them into traps.
But generally, sniping or shooting them with other kinds of shooting weapons, that's his prefered method. (when sniping he of course uses a silencer on the sniper rifle he uses)

---

I have a shit ton of other characters I'd like to tell you about but sadly I don't have the time right now. adjuhnaikujdakjhdnajhkdnajhdn

I have so many ships.
most of them being yaoi because fuck yes

most of them also being from SnK.


Like. This:
I have thse Levi ships:
Levi x Erwin
Levi x Eren
Levi x Jean
Levi x Hanji

That's 4 Levi ships.
And then I have these Eren ships:
Eren x Jean
Eren x Mikasa

that's not so many. I didn't include the Eren x Levi ship in the Eren ships because I like to end up with a result of HOW MANY ships I do have.

Then there's this extra Jean ship:
Jean x Marco (SUE ME.)

and then I also ship:
Reiner x Bertholdt

and:
Bertholdt x Annie

Oh and lets not forget these ships:
Ymir x Christa
Sasha x Christa

Oh and I also ship Hanji with that guy that always yells at her to be careful because they would be adorable together.

Lets count them all together

4(Levi ships) + 2(Eren ships) = 6(Total ships so far) + 1(Jean x Marco ship) = 7(total ships so far) + 1(Reiner and Bertholdt ship) = 8(total ships so far.) + 2(Christa ships) = 10 + 1(Hanji x guy that always tells her to be careful) = 11 + 1 (Bertholdt x Annie) = 12.

12 SnK Ships.

and lets move on to other animes
Cause I totally ship:

Usaki x Misaki
Light x L
Grimmjow x Ulqoirra
Grimmjow x Ichigo
Grimmjow x Renji
Renji x Ichigo

That's 6 extra ships to the total ship collection when putting all of my ships together, so keep up, we should have 18 ships now, now from mixed animes. Lets keep going, cause I have some OC shippings between my OC's and others OC's. SUE ME.

And if we're taking ships from RP's where my OC's are included, and yes I know how douchy that seems, but seriously, and if you had experienced those rps you'd ship it for sure too.

Hyedi x Aiden(Aiden's not mine)
Hyedi x Leighs(Leighs' not mine)
Hyedi x Teven(Teven is mine, lol.)
Zasha x Jenko(Jenko's not mine)
Teven x Leighs
Teven x Aiden
Isaac x Jenko

That's 6 other Yaoi ships. 7 to 18, so now we have 29 ships. In total. NOW COMPLETELY MESSED AND MIXED UP. Let's keep going cause I have some straight OC ships too.

Ivan x Asya(Asya's not mine)
Viktor x Asya
Zasha x Lee(Lee's not mine)
Ivan x Grace(Grace's not mine)

THAT'S 4 STRAIGHT SHIPS. They are strongly outnumbered and now being put into the ship pile. 33 Ships so far. Let's keep going, see I also rp some characters from games some different places.

and so I ship:
Kazuya(From tekken. SUE ME.) x Stephanie (shit, another straight ship)
Lee(also from tekken.) x Grace (It's a different Grace than above, and this Grace is not mine either)

that's 2 ships more to the ship pile. Now we have 35 ships in total so far.
Let's keep going, shall we. Cause we're moving on to ships I have with characters from tv series.

SPN Ships:
Lucifer x Sam
Lucifer x Crowley
Dean x Castiel
Sam x Ruby
Sam x Jess
Sam x Becky(BECAUSE IT'S INSANELY CUTE BECAUSE AKDJNAJKHDA. SUE ME.)
Sam x Crowley

THAT'S 7 SPN SHIPS. THROWING THEM INTO THE SHIP PILE TOO. 42 SHIPS IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT SO FAR.

LET'S KEEP GOING BECAUSE:
Dexter ships:
Dexter x Rita (because they are CUTE)
Dexter x Doakes (SUE ME)

2 DEXTER SHIPS. WE NOW HAVE 44 SHIPS IN TOTAL.
LET'S CONTINUE.

House M.D. ships:
House x Wilson
House x Amber
House x Cuddy
Chase x Cameron
Wilson x Amber

THAT'S 5 SHIPS. 49 SHIPS SO FAR. SHALL WE KEEP GOING? WE'RE PROBABLY GOING AWAY FROM ACTUAL TV SHOWS AND MOVIES BY NOW AGAIN BECAUSE I AM STRETCHING MY BRAIN TO FIND MORE SHIPS THAT I SHIP. BUT SHIT. I HAVE SO MANY ALREADY.

Oh wait I actually ship Kazuya x June too, so make that 50 ships in total.
Let's see who else we've got.

OH YEAH a couple of Wolf's Rain ship.
Tsume x Toboe
Blue x Hige

we're now at 52 ships guys.

Currently I can't remember any other ships that I also ship but they'll probably come. I'll keep updating my ship list whenever I have a new ship.

f5 for new icon.

and I updated my fa page.
hope y'all like it.

Hooray.

I made a blog just for art and resources

http://suspex-art-inabox.tumblr.com/

Should I do that?

I am really tempted to, lol.
Then I could post a shit ton of sketches and pictures and what not and just derp out with only art there

so listen up.

I might as well prepare you for it as early as possible.


Now, I don't know how many of you already knows this, but I really wanna become an export truck driver, so I can get out and live, and see the world, or well, europe at least, first. I will fight my strongest to get over my social anxiety so I can get the education and get the license for the truck.

Now, while all this sounds like a good thing for everybody, you guys have to know something.
While I've been very active the last few years, that will stop once I get job as a truck driver.

Because I will need to be ready to work at any time, and I may even be gone for days or weeks at a time.

That means my activity will fall drastically, and that I won't post as much art as I used to.
Also, the lack of art will also start already as soon as I am accepted into the school.

I won't be on skype constantly, I will not reply to messages or anything after 9:30 pm at least.
Because I will need to sleep early, so I can get up early, and still be fresh and pay attention.

I will need to get into a rythm of eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at the right times too.


I really hope my friends and you, my watchers, will all back me up and support me in this project. It means a lot to me to get this job and it is pretty damn important. I need the money and I need to get better, and this is a sure way to get better.

I feel bad and sad, and depressed, and tired and horrible because I spent almost all my time in a small dark room. It affects me and I reflect with a lot of negative emotions and energies. Which is why I often seem offended by ridicolous stuff, and often goes on unannounced hiatuses.

A way for me to get better, is to get out and get good experiences.
I will attempt on that too. Later today, there's this club I'm a part of, that is holding this BBQ party, that I WILL attempt, and try to have a good time at.

Meaning I won't be able to easily reach from about, noon to the evening to later evening, though I might be on skype, I probably won't reply as I will try to pay attention to the people around me.

Regardless of how much I despise it and how much it scares me to be around people.
I need to get over it.

I am officially done being a scaredy cat.
I will not let these things get in the way and stop me from reaching my goal.


I will be hurt if my friends disapprove and don't support me.
Seriously.

I just really want you all to be prepared for it.
Cause my activity will drop even more, once I succeed.

Wish me luck. C:

yeah they are still open lol. Guys come on please.

5 FLAT Commission slots. - Flat means you get an image of your character, with transparent background and no shading. There's an extra fee on 5 $ (27 dkr)per extra character. Say if you pay the original price for the artwork you can have one character drawn but if you want two characters in the same piece, the fee on 5 $ will be added to it. I'd prefer if folks could keep it down to one character in their commission piece though, but eh.

Slot 1: Open
Slot 2: Open
Slot 3: Open
Slot 4: Open
Slot 5: Open


I am also doing a batch of 4 Deal-With-It typed icons.
example 1: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13180823/
example 2: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13186576/
example 3: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13188372/

These are shaded icons with a colour background. You tell me the desired colour you have in mind for the background and I'll make a background of colours, in that spectre/nuances. Needless to say that I also draw the characters.
I will add sunglasses. You can give me a ref for desired sunglasses if you want, but I might simplify the sunglasses a bit, as I am not the best at doing sunglasses.

Slot 1: Open
Slot 2: Open
Slot 3: Open
Slot 4: Open


Prices for the flat commissions are 25$ (142 dkr)
Prices for the icons are 30$ (165 dkr) - this 'much' because they are shaded.
Also let it be known that I may attempt with a different style of shading for the icons, shadings like the one used here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13338780/ and here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13514250/

Also. I am best with canines/felines
I am not good with birds, reptiles, humans.

Also I am better with doing feral art, instead of anthro art. (Mainly because my anthros are horrible and have fail anatomy.)

Anywho, let me know if you're interested.
Payment only throufh Paypal.