First off two big things that some do know of already...

But 1.I'm now an official apprentice school starts again in august

2.Some have heard some don't know but I'm now engaged might as will toss that one out there


I am one happy wuffers I'm finally moving forward with my life even if most of it I have been dealt a lot of dead ends and bad moments


also you wanna see the shiny....it's shiny.....okay it's down below


http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y1.....nots/shiny.jpg

why because I found this just comical x.x.....I'm so gonna go to work now and compare the rest of my night to starwars why because last night during work I compared everything to star trek

http://youtu.be/54VJWHL2K3I

Me+laundry basket+narrow stairs leading to laundry room+ninja stealth kitty that zooms so quick you don`t see it=

half flight of stairs roll land on back-laundry basket


Cat 1 Human 0

That is all I swear this cat is out to kill me

Waiting for my apprenticeship card in the mail >.< a few days my arse it's been nearly a week and the dang apprenticeship board has no idea where it went.


So the Canucks made it to the Stanley cup finals I equal a very happy and very excited wolf

now just to throw out there it org went as a joke between the mate and I about the hockey games because we both knew both our teams we like half arsely suck and fail when it hits the playoffs so we joked about rings and the whole I'm gonna shove you in the closet jokes little does she know that

I have picked out a promise ring and win or lose this Stanley cup the mate shall receive it during the final game of the Stanley cup game


Yes I am a sap and yes I can be really odd or cute....I deny being cute what the mate also does not know is that I switched out the memory cards for my camcorder I'm letting her take it to anime north but on the new card I left her a video yes it's what most will deem cute it's just me wishing her a good time and to have fun with her friends and not worry about me and I'll see her when she gets home from her adventure.


I rarely dish out my personal life but there is a snippet and now because I rarely talk about it because I've kept it bottled up inside.

Losing my dad over a year ago to cancer was not only a slap to my place it shattered me

I not only lost my mentor but a man that never stopped believing in me and would always go out of his way to make sure I never strayed down the wrong path.

I hold all the memories in my heart but losing him put a huge chip in my shoulder because I'm now looking after my mom

our once shattered past is mended we talk more and no more fighting ....my brothers on the other hand have become complete and utter jerks towards her and treat her like dirt.

Here I am making sure she has enough to pay the bills for the house that she's all right I'm nearly twenty five and I feel

Like I have grown up way to fast for my age I carry a burden of more responsibility and yet worry about my family


For one thing I don't want no sympathy or anybody getting butt hurt if I have gone quiet and don't talk as much as I used to.

This is why I'm partially making this post.....because my life and world shattered when I lost my dad and to me I have memories but with it comes a new life where I barely have a social life anymore it's work and sleep and school

reason why I been stressed for the last four months and this has added up to my stomach is kicking me

I know to long didn't read I'm done ranting or venting which ever I feel better now

Actually part of my stress is now gone as the papers are in and I no longer have to worry about approval from the apprenticeship board.

Next worry is college and keeping up with what I've already achieved still working lots got a few stressful months ahead due to payments needed to be made on bills,car insurance and so forth


Other then that yeah life is good hoping that the next few years will be a easy breeze


Here's to the future.to life to all that I cherish

Actually I'm tired...for the most part did my food safe course hope I passed it since I'm a tard and forgot to reknew mine when it expired and me going har it's been a few years.

Next up is first aid course and knife shopping this wuff wants a shiny new pair of chef knives how ever

with work it's gotten crazy short cooks going through people like crazy....mostly because I had enough of non experienced cooks why because they lack the respect majorly and they don't listen.


Don't listen and all I can say is bad juju

Example one-My hand does not appreciate nor enjoy having a fryer basket fresh out of the fryer put down on my hand


Example two-My back really and I mean really does not enjoy being whacked with the fryer pot when of course where done cleaning out fryers

List could go on at least last night got on the case of a few new hires about proper kitchen rules and how to alert those around you if you actually are carrying something hot.


want to know something if you read this far....my number one biggest pet peeve when working in a kitchen

Is being called chef I much rather be addressed by my first name unless there are new servers hired

then I get introduced as either wan hernandez or short round

blame the managers and other cooks for randomly coming up with such randomness naw I don't see it as a thing against me.

I might have lost my mind in there after my rant one night of

you know what I was approached by this rather tall guy with a long beard said his name was gandalf said he was a wizard

I can sum it up for you walked....more walking.....lots more walking...half way there....(random epic battle scene)....MORDOR....why did I have to walk because this so called wizard told me to destroy the one ring.....will this kitchen to me feels as hot as mordor it's self....and I got the one....oh hey look onion rings....how you suppose we destroy a mass production of this so called "one ring"

yeah I said that at work which was quickly followed by someone else yelling out I see narina my reply yeah and which one of you is aslan

x.x done yakking I work alot and tend to have quite a odd sense of humor

http://youtu.be/Ep0raLgkNfw

enough said this song rings true for most things in my life....


to lazy to watch lyrics below


Paint yourself a picture of what you wish you looked like
Maybe then they just might feel a ounce of your pain
Come into focus step out of the shadows it's a losing battle
There's no need to be ashamed

Cause they don't even know you all they see is scars
They don't see the angel living in your heart
Let them find the real you buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin

And when they start to judge you show them your true colors
And do one to others as you've done to you just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stands to lose

Cause they don't even know you all they see is scars
They don't see the angel living in your heart
Let them find the real you buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin

Cause they don't even know you all they see is scars
They don't see the angel living in your heart
Let them find the real you buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin

So it's fast approaching soon the rest of the process will be over and then I won't have to deal with the mass load of paperwork I keep on being handed for my apprenticeship.

The upside yay I don't have to pay 200 bucks for my food safe for my boss is awesome and now I only have to pay 94

Easter dinner is coming up with the family and the one thing that made me go what in the hades they asked me if my mate was tagging along or not so I have no clue where that one came from .


Been doing a lot of deep thinking about my life my past relationships and yeah most of the past is me asking myself why did such things happens was it not meant to be or am I being given trail after trail by god.


oh yes I do believe in god but I equally balance a life where I hold christian,Buddhist and wiccan values

don't like it take the exit.


All I been for the past month is a pile of stress I know where I live now I have very little friends so a lot of my time is spent working....and coming home and curling up with my mate and going to bed.

Don't get me wrong it just seems a lot will never give me the time of day to even bother to reply to a coffee invite or a invite to come over.


I is a lonely wuff in that very aspect of lack of social contact.....all I do is work and come home

and by work I'm working 5-6 days a week just recently got a raise and my boss is doing everything in his power to make sure I stay on track for my apprenticeship.

even if that involves me being a bitch cake at times yeah it happens at times where I want to smack someone with my tongs....I am stuck on a line with people who fail to listen and with that comes quick reaction times to stop what ever fire they started.....or in my case not care about the state of my hands for the time being there cut up,bruised,burned in general my hands hate me.


all in all I am nervous for what ever my future brings me .....I hope it's not another cat...because honestly the cat I have now finds him self forever left alone outside the bedroom because he won't stop pawing at the doors >.< or meowing his fowl head off at night and the dumb part is he gets fed and he still finds it a need to try to get into the closest to get more food....mind you because of the random times he manages to get into the closest to pig out.....I now have a slightly overweight cat to deal with....

The solution to make him run about some.....let the ferret loose so they both can run around and get some form of exercise.


and end rant for I must or have a mighty need to go cook some breakfast

Honestly been up since six this morning just mind boggled....mostly deep rooted with my family some things I can not wrap around.

......guess what bothers me the most is will I ever get to see my niece and nephew ever again or will it be like it was which was rarely

just a lot going on that I really can not say what's going on


I'm utterly bummed out yet....I am finding ways to try to distract me......not much new asides from the sautee chef epically burned my chin yesterday

yes news flash hot things.....still hot


guess that is all just another day....where I try to keep my head up

Apprenticeship registration is on may 20th yay for that and all that jazz been working way to much but what ever

life is having it's up and downs.

but yeah aunts dog one I been close to since she got it when I was little is now gone choice was made the morning she found him wheezing and having a coughing fit while just laying on the ground put the dog down a few days ago.

however now my aunt is lost with out him and so are the other dogs

and will I wish the cat would stop sleeping near my head or directly right on my face

waking up with a allergy sinus headache not a way to start my day yes this is a random post of everything

you know when it snows there is one way to make some fun out of it make snowballs

yeah cooks did that last night we tried to get our dishwasher to actually hurry up we eventually snuck out back made snowballs called his name yelled out it's a trap and whipped snowballs not at him mind you but at the wall right in front of him the bonus he actually started getting his work done while laughing.


That is all for now >.< while the damn cat is attacking my foot for my sock uggh >.> I think it's back to bed for me now

So yeah my mate talked me out of everything that I could have done in my moment of crazy I tried reaching out to a few friends but none of them where really around.


For one thing I got a raise yeah irony I finally get a raise the second thing my apprenticeship is now null and void the reason why the day I wrote the last journal the head chef came into work and quit meaning I have two choices follow him where he goes or stick to where I am and just work I'm choosing option b patience comes around and so does a new apprenticeship if there is ever another red seal chef to come around.



I have come to the point that now that I'm back to living on my own my mom and I now have a better understanding of one another


guess all things happen for a reason eh

There are some days where I love my job to hating it.....guess what there was a opening for night supervisor you would think those that have been there the longest would be the prime candidates for such a thing....


no a guy who's only been working there two months got it and got a major pay raise

guess who is now disgruntled and about ready to lose my mind this wuff is


honestly I'm job hunting screw my apprenticeship all they did was duck me around and most likely shorted my hours on my paperwork.


For someone who has almost six years experience in the cooking field and used to make 13 and hour I don't anymore I make a stinking nine bucks an hour.


I am one slightly very grumpy wolf

I for one have not disappeared and one thing for sure those that know me....knew how much I loved my job it's now taking every ounce of me to not throw in my apron and say a hail mary F U.


Reason 1-The dishwasher quit with out notice meaning the boss is forced to try to hire someone else but currently he thinks he's fine by just rotating his cooks through out the week in the pit

Reason 2-While number 1 sounds like a logical idea....it now leaves the line down to three cooks

Reason 3-why having three cooks on the line is a issue there is broiler side/first and second plate station

Saute station,point,appetizer station,salad station,dessert station meaning some poor sap is left doing point/appie/salads/desserts

point being the main as it's used to communicate with the broiler chef on what they need on the flat let it be bread to bacon to which ever there also the gopher if any other station needs something like sauces or more portions of veg or whichever

Reason 4-It's easy to do on a sunday-wed with three people on line.....thurs-sat is a pure and utter gong show because of how busy it gets three people trying to keep bill times down to 20 mins equals major burnout

Reason 5-all the night cooks had to sign a wavier because the morning crew fails to use the first in first out rule which means rotate stock two cases of raw chicken where thrown out because said crew failed to check there product

what was the wavier for all the night cooks got written up for said chicken mess I fought it and so did the head chef

Reason 6-Lets consider this I took the biggest pay cut of my life by taking on this job ....I used to make 13 an hour what I get paid is actually nine bucks an hour


I am in all my mind ready to snap but for the sake of my roommates trying to deal with it and just suck it up as I also live with the head chef most of the things are now unpacked house is looking all right

Just urrgh I'm a ball of stress right now and another reason why I have not even quit yet....finding a job where I live is a living hell to even get one

.....I'm so going back to bed now and hope my broken sleep will soon stop

Yeah it's late but I'm busy packing as of yesterday I got full possession of a lovely townhouse

Yes this means the wolf is on the move....yet again for like the fifth time

but it grants me a now stress free zone....somewhat my family has yet to find out....and will they went out on vacation to California


Now this is the oddest thing I have ever heard of my landlady has no issues with the fact that I'm bringing in one cat,one hedgehog and a tarantula however they are aware of my ferret which at first was strictly not allowed ....strange guess what all I have to do is get a vet cert that the ferret is up to date on his shots and is de scented


the one bonus I have most of my stuff is still packed away in boxes from my last move I got very little to pack just gotta move things and figure a way to move one bed.


Life is yes picking up and no it's not that good at times I'm still very stressed having to constantly guide my mom through little things in life because she is utterly lost now that my dad is gone

Of all the things it took me a week to show her how to check the fluids in her vehicle before she finally understood what I meant mind you I am proud of her for a person who immigrated to Canada and has lived here for such a long time she has done an amazing job her English and understanding of English may not be perfect but she has come a long way in life

How ever her engrish at times gets to me and I usually end up speaking that at work or randomly speaking Chinese and me going....umm I swear I do not know how to speak my own language

The one bonus I am so looking forward to is the fact that my mate is here in five days she transferred to alberta the not so bonus she does not drive and I am now the sucker involved in driving her to work which is a 5:30 am wake up call for me as she works at six am

Boo urns to the fact the bus system in the area I live in does not run till 7 am

now to end this.....as best put by one of my roommates "NO I will not get up at six am I am not meant to get up till the crack of 2....(his gf asks 2 am?) his reply no 2PM I work nights now lemme sleep

now then off I go to thankfully finish up the packing

FML....the night terrors have returned with not so nice results

Work related stress sucks....and the thing is balancing between work and home and now get this....soon to be apprenticeship x.x did I mention I'm a huge non liker of basic math...which is used 99% of the time .....the 1% is me going >.< think brain....oh shiny gah no not that


classic is it not the lovely mate of mine is transferring to my fine city with in the month or so that should be a entertaining matter as the mate is still poking at me for a trip to Montana x.x prob do that in the summer when I feel it's safe to travel.


Strangely enough I've gotten back into watching anime.....I am stupidly addicted to the anime Fairy Tail

Did I mention I went chef ramasy style on some of the boys at work....why because I call them punter heads because 1. they never worked in a kitchen before 2. they expect to be paid to stand around and do dick all while they go off to hide to text either in the staff room or in one of the coolers....surprise don't do it during a rush there is a good chance I will find you or the head chef will and we both have a hot headed ramsay attitude.


prime example plenty of times I've threatened and the head chef has threatened to throw there phones in the fryer.

I've only lost it on them once and that was during the peak rush period and the chits piling in.....great my boys have buggered off and there's 15 orders coming up and more to cook did I ever mention I wonder why I have not gone off the wall.


Asides from that life is good hmm day off today.....yes I'm watching anime almost tempted to switch that one over to watching big bang theory.....or wait till six am to go to tim hortons to get a lovely coffee.....


okay /end rant

Applying for apprenticeship...come the new year very happy and very excited for that one....been striving for five years to hit this goal.


Silents ref sheet is looking fantastic and I can not wait till its done because from what I seen it's one heck of an amazing ref


urrm I kinda lost my self to smallville,WOW,work and life in general

.....mostly work

epically pawned on wow....due to wireless mouse actually kicking the bucket....sad part being....third mouse with in the month I ponder if this is now a sign for me to stop being cheap and to actually buy a decent priced mouse >.< always happens....in the middle of a instance walk....walk....mouse dies....change batteries....hit mouse reset....still not working...*drops the atom F-Bomb*


Currently considering getting a years worth of wow maybe....depending....

I dislike this lack of sleep thing....my mother is actually losing her mind I think or the fact her increasing talking to my dead father is hitting the scale of questionable status followed by my lack of sleep caused by my mother waking me up at odd hours asking me to get her something....prime example waking me up at five am asking me to dig out the snow shovels


current outlook it has not snowed it has tried but all this area has gotten is rain

I hope....that this apartment I have applied for lets me in >.< so I can gain some of my sanity back....and a normal sleep pattern somewhat ....because 1. I either sleep more then normal like me going to bed at 9pm and waking up at 9 am the next day.... or sleeping on and off or not sleeping at all


I think i need to start rambling elsewhere or figure out what to do with my self on nights I can't sleep

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOHMuPs-8y0
or if that one is not your cup of tea.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAhnoOo66sQ

That is all....

*runs away yelling* woo +10 in smiting woot i'm a nerd

Ever have a sinking feeling one has been lead on and lied to naw....never right whichever

I'm fast approaching the mark for gaining an apprenticeship mind you the paperwork and all that jazz is becoming more and more of a pain and reminding me more and more that I feel like I'm trapped in some dingy office then a kitchen.


once again on the prowl for an apartment but eh to each there own.

still have this one girl chasing my tail wanting to date me

the current mood of silent is not ready and most likely never will be ready for another relationship.

I've had a lot of time to think a lot of time to grow and a lot to appreciate from what I have had in the past year or so.

I hold no regret just hold a lot of memories full of joy and saddness

don't get me wrong I'm half arsely in a bum mood knowing the Christmas season is fast approaching and yes this will be the first Christmas with out my father around should even further correct that statement it's fast approaching a year that he has been gone and nobody in my family has even bothered thinking about a headstone for his grave.


In all hardships comes a test of strength for the mind body and soul

this whole year and a half for me has been a system of trails

a system of joys and sorrows


all of which have helped me grow I don't regret anything in this past year and a half

I know i didn't put in further detail about apartment hunting again.....lets say the least I can't be a basement hermit forever can I ? besides for some odd reason I am more my self when really not around that much family >.< go figure it's odd yes I adore and love my family to pieces but I tend to trip over my own feet when around them.

Mind you they provide many good laughs like my aunts lighting a pumpkin on fire during halloween yes...you read that right my nearly 80 year old aunts decided they wanted to see what a pumpkin would like on fire.


anyways enough rambling got much to do today

I've caved I'm tired of always being asked questions about my self.....care to know more about the wuff

http://www.formspring.me/xsilentwolfx

for the love of pancakes just ask there .....*slinks off to go back to sleep*

I kinda feel the sting of it all.....I know mutual things should be good things but it still hurts

more so a lot of what did I do wrong comes through my head followed by a night of crying and on again off again sleep.



guess I should stop beating myself up inside and out this my temporary moment of awake.....shortly after this is posted I'm going back to bed curled up in a depressed wuff ball while trying to seek out answers for most things.

my ramblings I know never make sense

gonna be a while I guess till I feel normal again....let alone average

Very expensive acer liquid E phone VS Gas pump

....gas pump one by total default yep that's right my droid is utterly fubared till I can get it fixed....yes the screen actually shattered

Don't ask all I am saying is I was up by 6:30 am out of town by 7 am and never got home till now


FML that was one hell of a roadtrip



Phone breaking was the first of my many f-bombs the next f-bomb was the fact that apprantly my work has been trying to reach me all day....Last F-Bomb this phone is labelled as my business phone ...I sense my boss is gonna rip my hide right off

Will it's more like a on again off again sleep but meh....I have come to the thought >.< omg I need a ref sheet for my fursona this is getting odd trying to word it out half the time....

I really should just knock my self out here soon....considering I have to be up by 6:30 am .....eww to that




umm I work way to much I might be going slightly insane due to work and by insane I mean burnt out ....stressed and growly at most people....how growly you may question

growly enough that my boss called me one day I picked up literally growled at him and hung up

however odd that sounded my boss was greatly entertained by it all

end rant?

maybe.....

Just burning out bad thing to burn the wick at both ends I guess just been working a lot....currently waiting for my car to get fixed...yet again...honestly in the past month alone I have spent nearly two grand on this car to fix it.

The current mess is I need a new tire rod,two new tires,a rim ....and few other things yes some things are under warranty still but fack x.x it stresses me out knowing how much money I been spending on my car alone and it's pushed back all plans to get the silent partial made was hoping to get it done by halloween but that's on the back burner now.

uggh done ranting.....just overworked,tired and stressed