For a while now, it's been impossible to keep positive.

It's been too much to try and be positive. I can't draw worth shit anymore, and the only thing I drew was a character design for a manga I want to start working on, but realized he looks too much like a Naruto and Bleach fuck baby.

*sigh*. this life is getting too in the way to actually live life, and it's burdoning my closest friends... I feel like a monster. A beast I can't control.

I'm still in here, I promise... The caring, loving person is still in here... He just doesn't know how to get out of this creature and live again.

He needs a change in life completely though. A new life in a new town with a new name and a new significant other, just.... everything. Then maybe he can learn to be himself again...

But he has no idea where that place is, or where to start looking.

I will also be attending Nekocon this year ^.^ This will be my second year going, and am so excited for it.

Last year was revolutionary for me. It changed my lifestyle honestly. It impacted me so hard, that I balled into tears of happiness when explaining to my family what I did and what was there.

This year, I know it will be twice as good...

Aside from that though, I will also be wielding several Kandi oneliners that I am wanting to trade for others :3

I'm still new to it, but I've been practicing a lot over the past few days and can do pretty solid cuffs. Pics to be coming soon.

Look forward to anyone going, let me know who is so I can meet thou in person :P I wont have "Xtra" on my tag, but will have "Bourne Evol" on it, as thats the name I use for most of my things in life.

~Xtra

FIrst raffle I am entering in a while... by an awesome artist you should check out :3

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4994547/

I had a dream that was so weird I have to share it. It was in the Harry Potter universe, and in a Hogwarty school of sorts, but it was only three floors and literally stood on water, its first floor being one step off of the water. Around the school was nothing but ocean, minus some other sections of the school you'd probably have to take a boat to.

Anyway, all of the students and instructors were gathered in a main room with a giant window that peered out to the ocean, and I guess some Snape like person was talking. He was talking about "this is the day that a thousand beast will come for us". Meaning creatures and monsters of all types were going to attack the school.

He handed all of the students a little jewel and said it would help them fight, while the instructors held back and healed everyone (wtf). The person I was in perspective of got an entire pocket full of the jewels, which was weird. Then everyone literally just stood around waiting, and it was actually pretty terrifying with the atmosphere.

Finally, out of the distance of the ocean was a long strip of fin shaped things that rose of of the ocean, and swam towards the room. It went all the way up to the window, and it's head pushed through the water. It was a mother fucking dragon people. It opened it's eye, which was a shiny green color, and it swam off and started destroying shit to the left of us, then large sharks swam in and pounded the building we were in.

My perspective then cut away, and usually when it cuts away, that means another dream starts but it just skipped ahead a little bit.

I was in the section where the dragon attacked, no roof, no walls, just an island of stone for the floor, as I watched the meeting room we all were in be destroyed and devoured by the same dragon. I then got attacked by a somewhat flying creature, and was dragged over in front of the meeting room, where I saw MAYBE 7 students and no staff. The students cowering and curled up into fetal positions.

Everyone was just... dead. It was horrible how something like this happened. For what reason, I have no idea.

Then a frigging door slammed in the house and I woke up to that. People need to not slam doors, ever. It's rude =_=

Life sure is annoying sometimes. No matter what good happens in it, there are 2 bad things that happen right after it that just screws everything up. It's getting really tiring how life functions, really fast.

I finally get a callback to Food Lion, I went in for the interview, I TOURED the work stations I'd be in for god's sake, then I find out I need a picture ID, which I thought my old ID would do, but nope, expired. So, no big deal, just go to the DMV and get another ID. Which takes days to deliver to my house, so now I'm going to be sitting here worried half to death that I'll be replaced by the time I finally get around to finally finishing my hiring process.

If I get screwed over on the only place that gave me a call back in 2 years, I'm going to lose it. Completely. I can't stand it, I quit school for this shit and I'm not getting anywhere in life for a car, or housing, or future, or anything.

Not to mention I feel like I am a literal burden on everyone I come in contact with, and I feel like people hate me for absolutely nothing. Every choice I make, always backfires because if i choose A, then person 1 gets mad with me, and if I choose B, person 2 gets pissed, and then I'm not happy because I can't fucking handle being torn between things, and it's stressful as hell on top of everything.

I even lost my passion for art because of this past year. I'm so tired of being the ass end of everything in life, when all I want are so simple, yet impossible due to the living "cost" of life. The past year and a half was hell to me, to the point of alcoholism, and it just never gets better. UGH. Fuck me.

Ranting is the only way I can get all this out without potentially hurting anyone, so forgive it. But life is seriously on the lowest point right now.

BASIC:
Species: Feline- Panther (Exciting, huh?)
Age: 20
Sex: Male
Birthdate: October 29th, 1992
Sexual Orientation: Bi-Curious
Profession: DJ, Artist in watercolor painting, inking, all types of art. Lead singer in 3 music groups, the 'soon to be real' ABSINTHE DREAMS, the Synth-pop duo X-TRA-JEKT, and the fictitious crunk/mathcore band HONEY BADGER DON'T GIVE A FUCK.


FAVORITE:
Food: Sandwiches of all types, spicy curry, and berry fruit.
Bands/artist: DIR EN GREY, The Cruxshadows, Birthday Massacre, HIM, Chelsea Grin, Mindless Self Indulgence, Papa Roach, Tommy Heavenly6
Drink: Monster Original <3
Alcohol: Jagar
Film: Edward Scissorhands
TV Show: MLP:FiM,
Anime: Black Butler, Soul Eater, One Piece, Angel Beats,

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10945876/

Wiggidy wam wam wazzle :3

BAM http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4773794/

Second installment of Creepy Story time! Keep in mind, these aren't really encounters with spirits or supernatural, these are only creepy things that happened to me.

So, about 3 years ago I worked for a Laer Tag and arcade as a summer job. I mostly ran and overlooked the lazer tags games to make sure dumb ass tourists and their maleducated kids weren't being idiots and running around, getting themselves hurt. (On a side note, this is where I got my longing to be a DJ idea from, cause I controlled the music played as well :3)

Anyway, I come in one day and my boss has the place closed for a few hours for cleaning. I was to take a shock-vac and run it along the floors and crevasses of the arena to """try""" and get the dust out of the say, which is good because Blacklights plus dust= you're gonna have a bad time.

I'm unable to find a picture of the arena, but it was a BIG pirate ship shaped building with ramps leading everywhere, and places to crouch under and hide. Adding to the pirate theme was a ripped pirate flag that was falling apart, and constantly yanked on by the dumb kids (a nightmare of its own =_=). I bring this up, because it is the key of the story.

Now, I'm on my hands and knees, going down the ramps, sucking up dust from the corners of the place, and.... it's dark, quiet without the vacuum, and kinda cramped so it's hard to maneuver. I stand up to move the damn thing, and I swear I hear my name being called. So I go to the entrance, and try and find someone to see if they need help.

My only coworker at the time was cleaning the bathroom, and my boss wasn't there. Huh... well, my mind is playing tricks with me then. So I go back to clean.

Going back to the flag, it hangs on a railing and was next to where i was vacuuming next. I walk up, and out of the blue, the flag moves as if someone just rushed by it. It blew kind of in, and then outside the railing. I lost my shit... I actually imagined someone walking by, and that imagination was the thing that freaked me out most, because all of my horror obsessions came back to literally haunt me.

Now, this was a question with everyone I told this to. "What about a fan or AC?" well... the only AC we had was located at the entrance of the arena, and the flag was on a second level. And there are no fans.


Sooo yeah... Being alone in a blacklit, silent laser tag arena can give you the chills and make you regret reading that creepypasta last night XD

<3 X-D

BOOM http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4678663/

OMG it's not an art raffle this time :O

I'm actually not looking forward to sleeping right now... not because of anything emotional, but I've noticed something that happens every night, usually around the first time I wake up (since i constantly do, and I suspect others to the same.)

Whenever I wake up to roll over or something, my mind plays a trick on me... I see this face, no matter where I look first. It's a pale grey face with blackened eyes and an open mouth. it kind of looks like this, but it's a young boy rather female. Not so much the boy from Ju-on btw. *warning, scary image*

http://gameitall.com/wp-content/upl....._ghostbust.jpg

I've seen this face for the past 2 or so weeks. It hasn't scared me to the point of staying awake, cause I know its not really there, and it isn't in my dreams before I wake up, but it has made me jump, naturally. I have never watched a movie or played a game with ANYTHING that resembled this face. I just don't understand it.

Maybe it's just my fucked up imagination that's doing this, cause honestly, I don't mind it, but I hate to see this evolve into something else, like a creepier face or god forbid a whole body.

I used to be obsessed with Asian paranormal figures like the Slit Mouthed Woman and.... others (can't remember the names lol) so maybe that is why I thought of Fatal Frame when trying to find a good picture.

So thats my little spooky ramble... I liked doing this. Maybe I will tell my other scary encounters, cause I've had like... 2 GOOD scary ones and a few like this.

<3

BOOM
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4765122/

I've been doodling with some ideas regarding my little chibi's I've made lately, and I think I might want to do some free ones for those who watch me? Maybe?

It's all a test at this point, but I've been thinking of doing this:

I will do a colored pencil sketch chibi like this for free: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10874422/

I'd let you choose the "pose" your character is doing, ORR you can choose the "WILDCARD" and get a completely random pose of my own choice, (that way it's a surprise), like this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10883929/

And yes, I will do a pun like that if I can think of one >w<

Once I get better skills drawing chibi's (and get a scanner) I might do a thing where I charge $1 for a complete pen and colored pencil chibi (something that looks more clean than the free one) and $3 pen AND watercolor chibi, which, my watercolor skills are on this site under my "Heletubbie" series, and my graffiti color picture.

And if ANY of this goes well, I'm think about doing a contest where the winner gets a pen and watercolor chibi that I will actually send to you via mail, then do it as a regular commission. (Maybe US only for the time being), BUT that needs some serious thought and planning put into it.

This is all just an idea. If I can gain a few more watchers, I will do raffles and more free stuff, but until then.... there's this XD

Thanks ^-^ <3

CHECK IT OUT!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4759545/

BAM. Piiimp
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10888864/

BAM. This raffle would make my day, and the next, and the next if won XD

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10885168/

Check it out :P You wont regret it.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4678920/