A good cause, but still:
*Pause for Effect*

What.

Cramp in my neck.
That got my mind off everything O_<

It occurs to me in recent years that my art production has dramatically dropped, mainly due to lack of time (University) and motivation.

The few people who keep an eye on me like me for me.
Those few who really know me, my self-esteem issues, may be happy to hear that I recognise that, even if I forget sometimes.

But as for the art, it is difficult to be noticed and known for it, unless you're Ultra-A-List, in which personality is irrelivant (those in the know know exactly which superficial dumbass I referr to), or those who's skill at the social game is also of elite level.

I find myself, that my progress as an artist is easly outpaced, and my skills as a socializer are either skills I lack, or actively do not wish to use; I do not want to play many of the social "games"--- games, that, ultimatley, define socializing; I view those games as just another event in the Popularity Contest, for example. I could, and would not, maintain what are essentially lies about who I am.

I will still art.
But, as I have no-one to art for; no business, no comissions, no fanbase that I can appeal to for such work.
Thus, any future art would be for myself, half because I choose to, and the other half because the other option; for it to be for someone else; is nonexistant.
Thus, as it has been these last few years; a hobby, for fun, on occasion.

As much as I'd like to make a carreer in art, I, like any Man of Science, recognised failure as an always immediate outcome, and had planned for the occupation, to mantain my life, will probably be Pharmecutical, having field experience working in a CVS Pharmacy.

As for my real-life now, I am currently not working, as I wish to finish getting "a" degree, from "a" university (going to my current campus, as opposed to the City College, while it would have been cheaper, just having "University" instead of "City College" on "a" degree is more "useful"). My major is art, and while I have done a few works and projects for those classes, I had only felt enough drive to finish them for class, and have not posted a significant amount of those works on here or any other of my gallery pages.

I also notice that the few works of mine that I am noticed for are not the ones I intended: In Deviant Art, my most faved items are a picture of someone else's cosplay of Pyramid Head, and a throw-away work; a piniata of Megaman, which was made right off a printout of the 8-bit sprite. Neither are sterling examples of my own creativity. In the classworks, the most commented peice of mine was a semi-improvised "use a broom like a big wetbrush to write a poem on the sidewalk" performance. It, as the teacher of that class said; "gathered the biggest croud out of any of those performances, ever."
And I don't remember what I wrote, that performaced somewhat hastly tossed together; the project was meant to be a group project, and both of the two I was paired with crapped out on me; it was just me, a broom, and a bucket of water on a sidewalk that turns dark when it gets wet.

To summarize...

Hm..

I am unmotivated, tired, but some ways off from questioning "Why do I bother."
For example: I'm a 24-year-old man, and when not homeworking, I spend hours and hours gaming and watching movies n' anime on my Netflix. I do not question my desire to play and watch, but I know it can be, easly, questioned.

It is late, I have class all afternoon tomorrow, but gotta leave early, because I have a cavity and no dental insurance and need to figure out what to do about it.

Goodnight.

Never tried one before
*noms*
Mmmm, delicious!

So, I was in my aunt's.... super-duper high-rise apartment of Mystery and Wonder, sure why not, and she's serving snacks, but it seems some whent bad. SHe gives me a cookie to tide me over untill she sorts it all out, but then it seems the cookies were bad, too, on top of some other thing of questionable freshness I took. SO, I decided to go ahead and jsut puke it ou,t provided I could find the bathroom. That's where the Mystery & WOdner somes in, because the place is like a friggin' maze, with the doors semi-hidden with little triks in plain sight.

Eventruall,y I find a bathroom (somehow I have to backtrack to the preceeding room to the depepest room I went into.... going into that last deepest room turned the previous room into a bathroom), and it's like solid gold everything, gold-accented inlaid marble, really beautiful nathroom.... and some wierd, boxy, nearly-just a ledge/slot-in-the-wall design for the toilet.

At any rate, I preceed to jsut think "puke" and I do.
Alot.
Far more than 1 cookie and 1 bite/drink of whatever else it was.
Like, gallons, seriously.

And it was a solid gold toilet of Richie Rich Mystery and Wonder, because the toilet didn't overflow one bit, despite nearly looking like an upturned, (in)wall-mounted (not ornate, more like a bank would have) mailbox.

Watching Taboo, National Geographic channel. Episode about people who deal with..... post-mortem fucntions: autopsey, burial, cleanup, reasearch study.

Now, it takes a particular visual to gross me out.... like, I'm watching while eating a whole chicken: nuthin'.

But one thought about the smell, and the pucker factor rises.

Nearly forgot. ^^;;
Turning 24.

Overheard recently:
"I will pun you to death like a dry bitch!"
"Eggplant penis."
"Incense Gas Chamber" (what???)

Sweet, I can finally relax tonight~

Under warrantly, it'll take at earliest, friday or so to have a tech guy come in with the new drive and make sure the damn thing works (apparenty, harddrive itself is physcially damaged, or something.... it's busted, who cares? Luckly (and possibly in cause of it), I had spent a great deal of effort backing up my data just beforehand.

1x Soldering kit
4x small Elec motor
3x drill set

And I think I may have gotten a powersaw for free now....
May build myself a teeny-table, for food while I'm on the compy.

SOLDER IRON!!

GET YOUR WEAPONS READY!!

http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html
Can't unsee, suffer with me.

+1TB Hitachi Hard Drive.

:D

I hear too much paranoia and misinformation about Vaccinations, and general hygene and illness avoidance.
The few regular Watchers I have, I don't think I have to teach how, say, that HIV cannot normally be transmitted by a toilet seat (and the exceptions, you'd be crazy to sit on to begin with), so I am speaking more of what I hear outside when I randomly eavesdrop on people.

Take the H1N1 stuff of the past few months: yes, I too got the vaccination, and I feel fine, even not being an at-risk person for catching it to begin with (reportedly, some 10% of my campus is infected. *shrugs*).

For example, the George Carlin Institute of Physical Heath suggest swimming in raw sewage to give your immune system experience in fighting off diseases. I'm clean and neat, but not a freak about it, and occasionally go stay with friends who're less tidy (Vaccume your damn room, rabbit! *shakes fist*).

Sure, vaccinations aren't the same thing as first-hand experience resisting pathogens, but in the game of life, there are no save points (*sigh* how I wish there were), one-ups, or continues. So, to naysayers of vaccinations, I have just one word to say:

NOCLIP

Fuck you, camel!

Even after all this time....
I hate what she did to me. I hate how she treated me. I hate how she acts.

Why do I still miss her? Why do I still want her back? u_u

Ok, so first, last night, I dreamt I was, like, in a hentai version of Sinistar (wiki of real game: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinistar )
Basically, instead of shooting meteors to get bombs, I had to... uhm... speed-rape women on the meteors, because their orgasms released the crystals.

....Yeah.

Then I watched "City of Lost Children" (orig title, La Cité des Enfants Perdus):
The premise: there's a crazy/evil scientist on an oil rig/laboratory, near the coast of some French city in a dystopian future/present/not-too-long-ago-in-the-past, and he's aging rapidly because he can't dream; so, he hooks up children to the machine and himself, and steals their dreams. The opening scene is one of these dreams. Frikkin' bizzare, don't wanan spoil it for you, if you get curious. If you love David Lynch, you'll like this movie; really cool sets, and the lead girl is adorable as hell.

The main characters are a strongman "One", who's kinda just .... slow, shall we say, and the little girl "Miette", who starts out in a sort of orphanage/schoolhouse run by a pair of siamese twins who teach and force the kids to steal. Other important groups are the scientinst, his "uncle"...........'s brain in a fishtank/sorta steampunk sorta-mecha thing, a midget, and 6-8 clones (one scene shows 6, but I think they said there was suppsoed to be 8, or maybe I'm just remembering wrong) in the laboratory, and the "Cyclopes" Gang/Cult in the city, people who belive that mutilating your eyes and being fitted with cybernetic eyes (curtesey of the aforementioend dream-stealing doctor) is the path to salvation. I was a little dissapointed that they kinda just dissapear from the story abotu 2/3rds in-- but it's after an awesome scene where... well, one of the good-guy B-list charcters has poison/mind control fleas; it was cool.

Why do I feel I have to fight, that the world needs me to save it?
Can it be saved?
Is that really what I am fighting for?

And in the end, the question that worries me most;
Does any of it really mean anything?

..... I dunno....
.....
................ I get cyncial when I'm tired. u_u

Edit:
I don't work on "faith" or other such things.
Hhmm....

Hope.
I think that's useful. Hope that things can be better.

It's at the forum for a furry comic where "a" god and Satan are in-story characters, and in the forum, I'm doing my thing.

Naturally, the "debate" is me givng my arguments, not even as well-written as, say,  CrystalMendrilia could write them, and the theist almost word for word, I'm dead serious, saying "You are wrong because fuck you."

Yeah, they're really a bastion of maturity and good debating skills, as well as knowledgeable about their own 'holy' texts and providing proofs for theri arguments.

So, sicne I'm kicking their asses on a debate, on their turf of using biblical passages, imagine if they had enough competency to attempt to debate me on MY turf.

Anyways, my next deduction; that one will say soemthing along the lines of "SO, if you don't belive in god and satan, why are you reading a comic where they're real?"
Yeah, apparently, that's an argument that, somehow, that means I'm wrong, therefore they're right by default , therefore, Jesus is the one true god. (this is how their logic structure works).

Again, kicking their asses on their terms, my response, pre-written:
"Said one furry to another, the former apparently not aware of the encompassing irony"
(in case any theists come by: the irony being that it's a comic with a god and satan............ as furries. And we are speaking as furries. Because we are humans, not furries, in reality. No getting around that. Just as there is no God in reality. Get over it.)

Because, after all, since they cannot win, it's inevitable that they'll do everything they can to, I dunno, get me banned (because, again, somehow that means that I'm wrong so therefore we should all only read the Bible), nevermind that I haven't cursed at anyone, and they typed out already, in plain text, "fuck you" to me, in a forum that's usually 'PG-13, with R-to-XXX in special sections.'

Like, because they're losing so bady, they'd rather not let me speak; like how real fundies would rather kill you and imagine you burning with Satan rather than letting me blaspheme (ie: letting me save the world from their retarded shit); because that's the will of Allah, right Jesus?

Hm, interesting. On my days off, I don't really go by usual calandars, and just go with "Am I tired? No: Videogames. Yes: Sleep."

Merry xmas.

Goodnight, one and all, whatever you may be~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y40rDgZbdHw

Also:

Hey, Creationists!
Fuck you! :D

XP