Hey everyone =D Im just so happy that I have to share the news with everyone! I start working at the sex shop by my house tomorrow lol. I know you probably like "Yea.. So what you gotta job.." Well I have been working really hard to get one and its been stressing me the fuck out! So yea =3 Just telling the world xD Lots of love at my friend puzz who helped me buy groceries in my poor times!

I wrote a short story for my family that Im gonna make my story book out of but Im no good at grammar. Would anyone be upto reading it and correcting it for me? I'll draw you a Chibi! Peasee!

Hey everyone =3

Well as we all know Im poor but I really want to make something for my family at least for christmas.. So.. I figured I'd use my art skills to make them a christmas book with my family as the characters!

And sooo I was wondering if anyone knew of any classic christmas stories I could use! =3

Or upset or depressed or something..If your lovers ex was living with thier parents and they go there every weekend so.. They kinda live with your lover too?

Thats whats going on with me and it makes me really sad..

My girlfriend proposed to me last night! It was so romantic.. She brought me down by the river and told me all these reasons why she wants to spend her life with me but I didnt expect it cause she always says nice things to me.. x3 And then she just pulled out the ring and asked her to marry her. I remember just staring at it and laughing cause I was so happy and I looked at her and we were both smiling and we both cried lol cause it was a super happy moment!

Unfortunately I am leaving tomorrow back to Canada.. So this makes it a little harder to leave her.. But we'll make it I know we will =3 This was just meant to be.. Once shes done school we can plan out our wedding and get married and make her a Canadian citizen =3

Just thought I'd share the good knews! I feel bad though cause Im in this cafe talking about how I'm engaged and theres a girl crying really loudly cause her boyfriend dumped her or something >>

Oh and the ring is beautiful x3 its real xD <3 Its not the most expensive but it dosn't matter.. The diamond is in the shape of a little heart.. You can almost not tell its a heart unless you look closely.. It's beautiful and she gave it to me and thats all that matters <3

I love you baby x3 Todays the beginning of the rest of our lives..

I just need to jot down some random shit in my head that is bottled up and I cannot talk to the person I most want to talk to it about because I don't want it to affect our relationship.. So this is just gonna jump everywhere.. Im just going to write what comes to mind even if sense isnt a factor..

I love you.. You know damn well I do.. I live for you and I would die for you.. There is nothing in this world that I want more then to trust you.. But when you take your phone when somone calls you and you walk outside every single time it bothers me.. You have done things in the past that did cost you alot of the trust I had for you.. So its hard for me when you walk out that door like you dont want me to hear what your saying.. But I say nothing.. Because I love you.. And it could be just paranoia.. But thats what I thought it was before.. And my worst fears were realized.. I dont know what to do.. I want to spend my life with you.. And this is going to be a big obstetrical for me.. Cause letting go of you will never be an option for me..

Im afraid your falling out of love with me sometimes.. I know your busy with university but you get home around three.. And yes we spend time together wich I do adore.. But when it comes to sex you dont do the things you would usualy do.. You dont.. Put the moves on me like you used to.. We like, schedual a time to do it.. And even though when we do do it you seem really into it I feel like such an ass.. Cause I want it like, every night... Because I have a high sex drive I dont know.. I think its more.. I never get to see you.. And get that intimacy with you like everyone else I know gets from thier lovers.. We live so far away and I would wait for you forever.. But when we're together.. I just really want to take advantage of the time we have together.. I feel bad.. Like all you think I want is sex.. You dont say it but thats how I feel.. I love everything about being with you.. But I miss the feeling of being wanted sexually too.. I want to feel like you want me... I want it to just.. Happen if it happends.. Not pick a time to do it..

I've never said this ever before.. But I sometimes have a hard time telling whats real and whats fake.. Not it my relationship with Missy <3 Just.. Life.. Everything around me.. I'll have random moment and I feel like nothing is real.. Its all fake.. When she holds me that fear of nothing being real goes away.. But its always there.. And randomly comes out.. I stood in the rain tonight while she did the dishes.. I could feel it on my skin.. I could smell it.. I could hear it.. So clearly... So vivid.. That felt real.. Why cant the rest of my life be more real like that.. Why cant I like.. Live.. Instead of always thinking eveything we do is just a dream.. And when we die we wake up into this other life.. Or will that be a dream too..

Death frightens me so bad.. I hate not knowing where Im going when I die.. Or does it just end there.. Its the reason I have insomnia.. Why I randomly burst into tears.. And why I feel like my life... Is just stuck.. And nothings going to happen.. Nothing is real..

As I stood out in the rain I held out my arms and I thought "Eveything thats behind me is mine, Melissa, my family and my friends. And everything else thats infront of me is ahead.. Its my future.." And guess what was really infront of me.

A river.

Im leaving for Indiana on friday and I have a 6 and a half hour flight to look forward too!
Any ideas on things I can do to pass the time?
Any line art I can color ;o

I need ideas!
Real ideas!
Not "Bug the crap outta who ever is sitting next to you" Bull shit lol

My birthday was on the 12th! Had so much fun ;D

I would totally love free art for my birthday gays..
xDD <3

Anyways small update! Hows everyone doing? Hope all is well =3

Well I need money again xDD
I am poor!
I don't make much money at my job and I would like to get a gift for my lover!
I need to save 150$
So.. Again I am selling pillows at what ever price your willing to pay
And I'm selling arts as well =3
Again what ever price you want..
Theres pictures of my pillows n stuff in my gallery =3
But be reminded I dont have a bunch of colors left ><


Also if you spread the word I will draw you a free chibi =3
Please thanks!

Love you guys x3
Sorry Im so poor!

First of all yes again money problems cause I suck. I was wondering if somone could help me with the selling stuff on ebay cause I totally suck ;-; And I cant do it.. Help? I really need like step by step instructions thats how bad I fail xD..

Also Im selling my pillows and blankeys and art still.. I have to make 80$ by the 1st because the phone people are retarted. But Im selling everything at what ever price you guys want to offer. And your all good people so if you were to buy something I know I could count on you to be resonable. I just work with kids and thier still out of school so Im not making any money right now!

I only have a sertain amount of colors for my materials though so if you want a pillow or blanky please PM me and I'll let you know what colors I have.

Again I do art so if you guys wanted some of that you could pay me like.. what ever you want.. Seriosuly 2 dollars I dont care xD

Today I found out that my grandparents are putting down their dog Ebony.. Shes a black lab.. Shes very old but shes such a beautiful soul.. Shes been in so much pain and I hope that in her life after death she is no longer in pain.. That she gets to run around just like she could before.. Without having a hard time breathing.. I hope she takes care and that one day we all meet up again.. I know she'll be keeping an eye on all of us.. And I hope she knows how much she meant to all of us.. I wish I wasnt so far away so I could go and say goodbye to her.. But today she is in my thoughts.. And I hope in some way it reaches out to her as she falls into her final slumber..

Some people think that its retarded how people get about their pets passing.. But I think that's cause they've never had a pet.. They are your companion through their whole life.. They can never lie to you.. Their always there when no one else is.. They become a big part of your life.. And I think losing a pet hurts just as much as losing a family member.. Ebony was a part of our family. And she always will be.. Everyone will miss her dearly.. I know I will..

I want to make a painting of her but I'm not so good at drawing animals and painting fur.. So if any of you have any tips please let me know..

Thank you for those of you who read this <3 The thought of her can reach out to more people and for some reason that makes me really happy..

Rest in peace lovely <3 You will be missed but we are happy you will no longer be in pain..

Sleep well..

1- Wish me luck Im finaly going to go and try and get my learners @.@ Just in case we're not all Canadians.. Its like a licence before a licence.. xD For driving! No I dont think anyones stupid but I thought it was the same everywhere so Im just putting it out there xD WISH ME SO MUCH LUCK! I wanna get it right the first time =3

2- Im obese and I wanna lose wieght.. I dont wanna die early and I dont want diabetes ;-; So.. Im going to start a journal soon.. As soon as I get a good nights sleep, and not wake up at 2 in the afternoon Im going to start a video journal on photobucket and post it here for you guys to see.. For support n.n Cause I know I can count on you guys to be nice.. I was gonna put it on youtube but everyones so negative there ;-;

Anyways thats about it. But if you guys have any workout tips or food tips or how not to go and eat junk food tips im all ears xD

Love Yall!

People have been talking about the end of the world in 2012.. And its really freaking me out lol.. I mean, I already think about death every night and how much it scares me (hense the insomia) So now im fucked with this doomsday thing.. Someone cheer me up and tell me its all lies ;-;

How do you say Life grows in Japanese? Korean?

I know most of you have jobs.. I was wondering if you'd do me a favor and maybe let me know if your hiring where your at and maybe say nice things about me to you boss =3..

My puppy needs a 500$ surgery as soon as possible and I'm saving up to see my lovely.. I also have bills to pay and wouldn't mind finding a place to live soon..

Thank you guys

I got these square peices of matirial about the size of my hand that I dont know what to do with lol. I dont want to waste them! They were expensive! Any ideas?

Im hopeing to come back up and look for a job again but I dont have anywhere to stay.. I would accept a floor or a couch what ever I just need somewhere to crash for a while till I find a job and a place to live.. My dog is going to be with my mom or sister so it will just be me.. Even if I could just spend a couple days here and there I dont care. Im pretty tidy and organized.. And if theres things you dont have time to clean or something I would gladly do them for you, or if you let me stay I could totally pay you a couple months rent once I get a job.. I swear after I get enough money I would move out, find my own place. im not in school or anything so I dont need somewhere permanant. Just for a little while..

If you or if you know anyone who might let me stay at thier place for a while please give me a shout.. Call me if you know my number, or face book me or pm me here what ever. I would really appreciate it. I hope what ever higher power is out there will cut me some slack soon! ;-;

I tried getting a job and no one has called yet. And your gonna punish me by making me buy my own food? Arent parents supposed to help thier kids out? What are you gonna let me starve lol.. Fuck you man.. Its not like im not trying you mother fucker..

Your all my bitches.. Dont cry, its going to be ok! xD
Anyways Im out of town right now but my mommy said all my matierial is in! WOOT WOOT! Sooo That means people who commissioned me (Aka Taylor.. xD) Will be getting thier shit as soon as I can return to bruderheim for my stuff! And once I do those commisions Im probably going to stop the whole blanky and pillows thing cause people are interested but no one can pay =< And I totally understand that cause I fail hardcore and cant even afford to pay my internet bill right now (THANK YOU WIFI) But anywho.. Im looking for a job here cause I need to make money and live some place like.. Now! But I have no where to go ;-; Soon it will just be me a backpack, clothes, laptop and my puppy. Roaming the streets looking for some foods and shiat. AH! Least I can still update while Im a homeless person if I can find somewhere to keep charging my laptop battery. xD.. Anyways..

Im only doing drawing comissions now cause I cant afford to pay for matierial lol.. I spend more money on matierial then I do getting paid for the blanket or pillow. Paid 100$ All together for all the matiral. And I charged 70. I deffinatly did not think the prices though.

Im probably not going to make any money drawing for people either.. At least my dear puzzy was there to help me out <3 Sanku misser puzz.. Anyways thats the dillio.. OH Im going to look for jobs tomorrow.. anyone have any tips? Maybe if I get an interview, got any tips for that? Anything..

Love you all my bitches ;D
Stay safe

My lovely and I have our 6 month (Even though we've known eachother for over 6 years..) anniversary on the 26th and I dont know what to do for her.. We live so far apart that I cant just buy her something go to her house and give her a gift.. I usually draw her something but I dont have my tablet and Im out of town so I dont have a scanner i can access.. Im horrible at writting so I cant write a poem or something.. I dont know! ;-; Any ideas?

FUCK ME! FUUUUCCCK IM SO FUCKING PISSED!
I went to buy fabric off ebay cause I thought it'd be cheaper then around here right?
WRONG!
SOME FUCKING LADY CHARGED ME 25$ FOR SHIPPING AND HANDELING! I ODERED 3 PIECES OFF HER!
YOU DO THE MATH!!!!!
THERE GOES MY FUCKING PAYCHEK!!!!
I DONT MAKE ENOUGH MONEY AS IT IS
FUCK FUCK FUCCCCKCKKFUDSHFD
DFAJSDFHSA

Im a fucking moron

I need to go see Melissa..
Or I will die lol.
I need to save money but its hard cause I work with kids at a school and I only get like.. 5hours a week!
Not only that but this is the last month I'll be working until thier summer break is over ;-;
So I need to make money somehow.. I will draw you anything you want and you can pay me what ever you want
I have pillows and blankets that Im selling..
I just dont know what else to do..
Im going to be poor forever and I wont get to see my love for two years.
Will you at least spread the word about this journal:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/750789/

I would really appreciate it..
Thanks you guys <3

Can I have your account please!!!!!
I will be so happy =3

Yo, this is my revised pillows and blankies journal. I've made a few changes to the price list so take a look. ;O

~Pillows~
Monster Design
-Small: $10
-Medium: $20
-Large: $30
Custom Pillows
- PM me about this. The charge of this will be negotiable, and also will be determined upon complexity.

~Blankets~
Character Head Blankies
- PM me about this. The charge of this will be negotiable, and also will be determined upon complexity.
Landscape Blankies
- PM me about this. The charge of this will be negotiable, and also will be determined upon complexity.

!Notice!
Blankies can have the same color front and back OR one color on the front and a different color for the back!


~Blankets~
http://i25.piczo.com/view/q/6/k/7/h.....8149_26938.jpg
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2487557

~Pillows~
http://i25.piczo.com/view/q/6/k/7/h.....8080_54755.jpg
http://i25.piczo.com/view/q/6/k/7/h.....4342_55357.jpg --Example of a large/Monster pillow
http://i25.piczo.com/view/q/6/k/7/h.....974409_511.jpg --Example of a small/custom pillow Character  styxandstoned

More examples are soon to come so please be patient!


~Forms to fill out~

~Custom Pillow~
~What size would you like~(If you want a custom size or a weird shape it will cost more)
~Link to Reference Image~
~Anything else I should know~

~Thank you! Send this in a note and I'll send you the bill ;3~

~Blankies~
~What size would you like~(If you want a custom size bigger then large it will cost more)
~Character Head,Landscape,Full body chibi or other~(Obviously gets more expensive the more detail or things you want on it)
~What colors would you like the blanket to be~
~Anything else I should know?~

~Thank you! Send this in a note and I'll send you the bill ;3~



~Order List~
1.  ridethespiral -- Character Blankie: Complete http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2487557 - Not Paid Yet
2. ~*Open*~
3. ~*Open*~
4. ~*Open*~