For the past three months I haven't been very social. I am currently struggling with healing from the amputation surgery. The rehab I did, defiantly did not prepare me for what this process would be. I've fallen four times, each time making the wound on the stump reopen. The last time was four weeks ago and we are closing in on the time where the wound may become sealed.

Along with this I have been struggling with life back in Nevada. My mother and I do not see eye to eye on a lot of things, and in her old age she has become much more acidic. We have been fighting constantly

I've basically been sitting on my bed most days, unable to do a lot of things. I have a knee roller (over glorified scooter for the knee) and that lets me move around, but for the most part I really cannot do much. I have tried to do my own things but it's severely difficult. I can't even make my own meals sadly because I would have to put too much pressure on the wound by standing on the knee roller too long.

It's really been kicking in my depression because I am even more useless than before.

... still alive.... Just dealing with the solo leg.... Hard to see things these days.

I've then Nevada for about 2 and 1/2 weeks now. I'm slowly but surely getting things settled however I have had to buy several things to make the how successful for myself I purchase the knee roller and a transfer chair to get me around and I've also had to purchase bars for the bathroom I'm using. I'm now in the process of looking into selling my pickup truck in order to afford new flooring and new paint the house I'm living in. The truck is valued at about $10,000 to $11,000 so hopefully I will have a little bit to myself afterwards. Not happy about selling it but that's what you got to do

I finished Rehab on Wednesday afternoon. I passed all the tests before that point however they didn't actually let me go because I had to have surgery they took out the peritoneal dialysis ports that afternoon at about 5 p. M.. however since my roommate Joe wasn't home at that time they wouldn't release me and now they're holding me over until Saturday because they want to do further surgeries I'm going to have a fistula put into my arm tomorrow along with having my usual dialysis appointment. this means I'll have about a day and a half to pack the rest of my stuff which is kind of crappy but they go.

today was a really hard day I started out as NPO which means I can't eat or drink at all so throughout my therapy I couldn't have anything to drink which meant it was really difficult to keep my strength up all of my therapy was combined together into a four-hour block early in the morning because I was supposed to have surgery I managed to get through it all and at the very end of it around noon a nurse informs me that I was not going to have surgery because they moved it to Monday. This really annoyed me but what can you do and then went to dialysis pretty quickly after therapy basically managed to eat my lunch if barely enough time to get it down before they came for me for dialysis and then. Spent my time at dialysis and that was pretty much it for the day. For Saturday and Sunday I've been informed I have the days off.

Physical therapy is still going well I'm trying to see about getting a ramp at the house I'm currently renting just to see if I can get in and out a little bit easier. I haven't heard back from the person I'm getting a quote from but who knows if it'll work or not. As far as the actual therapy goes achieved what the goals they set out for me were so from this part on words it's just trying to get my body to be as strong as possible. Main thing we're working on it's my arms and legs. Especially in my like that's still whole and going up and down stairs.

Not much to report. Physical and occupational therapy are both going fine. I had dialysis today afterwards which always makes me tired other than that there's not much to report we're trying to gets my insurance is to agree to a few things as well including a ramp for me to get into the house.

Today's rehab went well no real problems at all. I also had my meeting today which basically would determine when I would be going home and what I would need to get there. I learned all be going home on the 22nd and that I will need to have some kind of nurse on hand during the days in order to watch after me I should be good to move around on my own however they want someone there in case I fall. I've already booked my plane ticket home for the 27th and then my mother has hired someone to drive my truck back from Ohio with all of my belongings in it.

Today rehab started really early at 7 a. M.. the first session was basically just watching how I can get around and dress myself and handle morning activities. I then had a half hour break before going on to a 3-hour block of physical therapy. Basically I had to do all of my physical therapy in the morning because I had dialysis in the afternoon. This is how it should run normally on a dialysis day. only other update is I won't have my meeting tomorrow to figure out when I may be released and what my goals are going forward.

Basically no rehab today they do not do either physical training or occupational Training on Sunday. Instead I took the day to sleep rest up and get my leg feeling a bit better.

Today was another hard day but it was only hard because of what happened at the very end of rehab. I worked almost entirely on my remaining foot today because that's what the physical trainer and occupational Trader wanted to do basically trying to see how long I could stand on it without assistance and how long I could do physical exercise with my good leg. this meant I was really tired on that leg Buy near the end of the session at that point my physical trainer decided he wanted to show me how a over the tub bathing chair worked in case I ever need to get one for the house I'm renting.. well showing me this unfortunately my good leg gave out while I was trying to sit down on the bench which meant that I almost fell which would have been very bad. thankfully I managed to catch myself on the bar on the side of the shower and pull myself onto the bench before I hit the ground meaning I just knocked myself about a bit which meant everything was taking over the last couple of days. I basically spent the next couple of hours afterwards asleep just trying to rest up afterwards.

Second day of rehab was much harder. They took me for dialysis in the morning so I had to do all four sessions of physical activity right after lunch. by the end of it I could barely move and my leg was killing me I spent the next couple of hours in bed just resting before finally getting up and watching a little bit of TV and then going to bed for the night. my leg is still in a massive pain from earlier today I can't even wear the restrictor that usually binds my leg for sleep so I'm trying to keep it as straight as possible while I sleep.

First day of rehab went well. Apparently I impressed the staff with how much I can already do on my own. Apparently most people in the program do not have decent upper body strength to use the walkers but I seem to (40 feet so far is my record before tiring out.).

Like surgery was successful yesterday I'm in a lot of pain but I'm alive

I have to say losing this leg has made me feel more worthless and more of a failure then anything else has in a long time. I have a lot of people telling me that they care about me and then I meant something to them but still it just hurts knowing that I'm probably never going to be able to work again and that's why I'm always going to be disabled for the rest of my life. Before this there was always the chance I could have gotten a transplant and gotten better but this will kind of destroy that whole idea. Even if I got a new kidney and a new heart it's not going to replace the leg I guess I just failed. I guess if people knew me real life they would know that that's not a surprise I feel the pretty much everything I've ever attempted so this is nothing new...

Surgery is set for Saturday they will be cutting off my leg below the knee about mid thigh. once it's done I'll have to go through probably a month of rehab which means I won't be able to go home to Nevada for probably a month to two months from now. I'm selling everything I own here I'm trying to afford this rent amount Plus there's no real reason to take anything with me...

Is done... It was unsuccessful. Next step is most likely amputating the entire foot at the ankle.

I have surgery in a few minutes they're going to remove the dead tissue which probably means the entire toe and then try and widen veins in my leg. I was also informed that for now on any surgery I have no matter how trivial carries a moderate risk of death. My heart is down to the point where it may not take the anesthesia and being revived afterwards this time the rest was not high however it means that every time I go under the knife from now on I will be rolling the dice...

I'll be going into the knife in the morning for the first of several surgeries to try and fix this blood flow issue with my feet basically they're going to try and go in and why do the veins in my feet I doubt this can do anything to help the toes are already seem dead but apparently they're doing this first.

I just got out of minor surgery I put a catheter through my heart to check and see if it was blocked but there's no blockage there trying to figure out why my body seems to be bleeding internally and what seems to be going on with my blood pressure and other numbers going up and down randomly.

Just an update... the past few weeks have been really hard on me. I've developed a lot of medical costs to do with the peritonial dialysis. (there are costs revolving around sterilizing the room that I have to use that do not go through Medicare or Medicaid, namely cleaning products and other aids.) Along with this I had to have a toe removed due to my diabeties and other complications (blood flow) on my right foot, which has meant I am now attached to a vacum pump on my foot which causes movement issues. This has lead me to being semi confined to a wheelchair/mobility cart (mobility cart in stores if they provide it). I say semi confined since at home I can hobble around to wherever I need but if I am standing or walking for more than a few minutes it causes immense pain and fatigue.

Renting the wheelchair has also set me back quite a bit, but it is nessesary for what I need.

Normally with these costs I would be fine... I have roughly 2-300 in spare cash from each months payments.... however something else happened last week that's devastated me personally, and my bank account as well.

Many of you know I have a cat by the name of Midnight Star, that means the world to me. Unfortunately she had a bad bought of fleas over the last week due to issues with our house (strays living under the foundation and my roommate accidentally touching one of them and bringing the fleas inside). This lead to mids becoming very fatigued and tired. We flea dipped her and the next day while most of the fleas were dead she was still acting massively lethargic. I took her to a local vet/shelter to see if their was anything they could recommend. Unfortunately they gave her three pills, one of which should not have been prescribed to her due to her age and kidney issues. Sadly I only learned this after her first dose.... which sadly lead to Midnight's death. She went into a seizure from the pills, and since I am currently hooked to several different medical devies via ubes, I could not reach her in time where she was hiding on my table, and she fell to her death.

The upshot of all of this was a massive bout of depression, along with a large amount of sudden medical bills I had to pay all at once, including... "disposal" fees....

Suffice to say I am now in a bind. I am already committed to a trip in august, and I cannot cancel it at this point. Along with that I have suddenly incurred the medical bills, and Midnight's final vet bills. This has left me roughly more than 500 dollars in the red, and because of this last week I started a GoFundME to try and pay for midnight's medical costs.

If anyone wants to try and help I would be very grateful, and if they wanted I would be more than happy to try and work out some kind of commission in return. I am an exceedingly fast writer and can write custom stories, and along with this if you happen to like D&D or other miniature games I am a miniature painter and converter, and I would be happy to work on a piece for you if wanted.

The GoFundMe can be found here:

https://www.gofundme.com/help-with-.....nds-and-burial

Over the last few weeks I've been getting better thanks to a combo of dialysis and lossing weight..

This means if people are interested I could potentially open commissions again as I can now physically sit at my PC for long periods of time.

A few rules:

If I am taking writing commissions I want to put an age restriction for characters... (10 years ) I don't mind writing cub things but going too young can skeeve me out a bit (this is specifically for explicit material. Romance is fine.)

I do not like doing non-consentual work, so I would charge a fee for this.

The same is true for Mass abuse. I can do abusive relationships or fights but if that's the central theme there may be a fee.

Prices: per 1000 words- $8.

This means an epic 80k story would be $80.

Tips are appreciated and encourage more detail

I'm back in the hospital for the foreseeable future the gangrene toe has gotten worse and hopefully they're going to remove it.

Not sure why but I've been having a lot of streaks of depression lately. Mostly it's probably just feeling like people only want me around for money or whatever I can provide them. Meh...

Everytime it feels like I am making progress on things my depression drags me back down. Tired of being left in the dust.