So... while doing dialysis yesterday I overheard the nurse mention something about 5.6. For those of you that don;t know, this medical procedure pulls the toxins out of your blood mostly by drawing water and waste material out of your blood. Normally my doctors have not been pushing me beyond 2 liters or kilograms a day. For some unknown reason.... this nurse decided I needed to loose 5.6 kilograms (roughly 12 pounds or so) of water and waste last night. Suffice it to say after I got out of the chair I nearly fainted, and after they did my blood pressure they found out it was only 80/60.

So yeah.... Not fun.

Not that many of you read this but some people might be wondering where I've been a little last couple of months. I spent the last two months in and out of the yarn Hospital fluctuating between two different local hospitals in this area. This includes everything from emergency surgery for dialysis to getting a new catheter placed in for said dialysis to having a toe turn gangrenous and they are spending about a week debating what they would do about said toe. All said and done I've spent the last two months basically away from home being poked prodded and tested. The results of everything is that now I'm on dialysis 3 days a week for about four and a half to 5 hours until about a month from now when I'll be able to do said dialysis at home but don't have to do it much more often. This will probably be a permanent life change seeing as I'm way over weight to get any form of transplant I have been trying to lose weight but I'm not sure if I can get down to the weight that they want me to be at which is about 10 points on the BMI scale. I've already lost about 50 to 60 lbs but that's another maybe hundred pounds before I'm anywhere close to a transplant. Do you have it off over the last couple of weeks I've been feeling very depressed a lot of this probably has to do with the fact that I'm pretty much on my own. Lately I've just been feeling like I'm more of a convenience or Bank two people.

Long story short? Been in and out of the hospital for the last 3 weeks I'm back now just got out of the ICU. The day before yesterday and I am now on emergency dialysis I was playing who on dialysis already but was going to be a month to two months down the line. That was going to be peritoneal dialysis which is much easier and is also much better on the potty however because of the emergency situation I had to go with what's called a tunneled catheter which is much more difficult and painful. So my plans are out the window probably. I've lost a lot of weight in the last few days because the water weight gain has gone down significantly hopefully I can get down to the point where I can get a transplant in the near future who knows...

We're currently trying to suffer through 25 degree weather with a malfunctioning heater/furnace... Part of my heart issues is making this muuuuuch worse.... Feel like I am slowly freezing.... AVENGE ME!!

Was cancelled. Basically they forced my mother to bring me down here for a month for nothing kept her on the hook for the entire month and told her yesterday morning that they would not be doing the surgery and that in reality she just needs to go to rehab for another 6 weeks. Then they do the surgery after that but I don't know anyways I should be returning home around the 22nd that was the earliest I can get a flight home. Suffice to say my mother is rather livid...

I'll be heading back to Nevada for about twenty days on the 13th to visit my mother for Christmas... Just fyi.

Hey I just wanted to give an update to everybody I got some bad news in my doctor looks like I have about couple of months to a year maybe before I'll have to start going on dialysis this would mean more like they're not not being able to recover so not sure what's going to happen going forward.

Just so you guys know I'm not dead yet I'm still living in Portsmouth still not been able to do much. Still on disability and working on losing weight to try and get a transplant for both my heart and kidneys from what I understand I'm not at risk of fatal yet but my kidney and heart failure are getting to that point so within a couple of years I'm going to need a transplant or dialysis.

As far as other things go relationship-wise I still don't have anyone in my life I have been living with my for roommates two different couples which tends to make me depressive quite a bit at times last couple of months have been a pretty much slog we moved houses. And this required me to put out a large amount of money so I'm now pretty deep and dead about an extra two to $3,000 in debt on credit cards. Slowly it surely paying them off but the fact that every time I turn around one of my roommates needs me to cover something for them really drains me. Over the last couple of years I've loaned out something to the tune of 6 to $8,000 two different people and the fact that I've never seen a return on any of those Investments really does get to me at times. Just been very tired lately.

Since I just moved house I'm in some pretty Dire Straits financially. Basically found out the gas company that we use is triple charging me this month because I ended their per rating chart system and I started a new account with them at the new house so I'm pretty much foreign away screwed for what I thought I would have. Not sure what I'm going to be able to do about it.

I've already let a few people know but I should post here as well.

I was planning on attending Megaplex in August but sadly with moving into a new rental home i can't really afford to do both at once. I had to cancel our room last week. I may still come down to Florida during that week but... it does not look too promising.

I put up an eBay auction with about 20 pounds plus of my old Legos. If you're fan of Legos from the eighties and nineties in the early two-thousands take a look.

http://m.ebay.com/itm/252926194061?_mwBanner=1

Just to let people know what's going on every year around this time I get very depressed due to my birthday coming up it's an anniversary of a lot of that events. On top of this my health has not been through it well now my mother's health has started to call and rapidly the point that she just let me know she will probably be selling my family home and moving into assisted living in the near coming future. This means I will probably not be able to visit her soon as there will be nowhere where I could stay down in Nevada anymore unless I purchased a hotel and a car for the entirety of my trip down there which would be rather ridiculous depending on how long I would stay

I did my regular blood work today for my kidney specialist and found out my kidneys are getting worse all so much potassium level is way up I have had to go off of my Lipitor which is a blood pressure medication. I doubled up on all of my kidney medications and I'll have to retest on Monday if the retest is better I'm going to talk to the dr. about doubling the medication order if this continues I'll probably end up in the ER again at some point in the future

I'm considering opening a slot up for story commissions. Something around the lines of one a month... Varying length ( depending on what the customer wants) it would be either 5k words for $45 or 7k for $60.

Anyone interested? This would be either clean or otherwise, in depth stories to the customers wishes. Anything from you providing the characters and a situation to sitting down and plotting the story out in depth if you have a particular idea.

I've been feeling very depressed recently. Spent the last few weeks home from Nevada surrounded by two very happy groups of couples. This combined with my rapidly declining health and my own lack of any hope of a relationship anymore has made for some very dark days and nights. Just very tired of things right now.

My roommate Ryan and I decided that this year instead of going to AC with the rest of the household we were going to make the long Trek to Florida and Megaplex. We should be getting in there sometime on the 3rd and leaving the day after the con on the 6th that should give us time on the last day of the cone to hit Universal Studios. I've always wanted to go to the Harry Potter section of Universal Studios. I'm hoping to see Genesis while I'm there.

Just been exceedingly depressed lately. Still mostly lonliness oriented.

I'm currently in Las Vegas again helping my mother. I'll most likely be here until the beginning of February. Still been reasonably depressed and my Health's been up and down. I'm really out of shape and I'm trying one down here to get back in shape then walking a lot more to add more weights but I'm at the heaviest I've been in a long time so...

Just wishing everyone a Merry Christmas or whatever your regional equivalent.

I apparently have a lot of diabetic damage in my eyes, to the point where I have bleeding in both eyes. I will have to cancel a trip I was taking in two weeks and see a specialist about it...

So I went to bed last night around 3 or 4 a.m. and woke up this morning with a large black floater in the center of my left eye. For those who don't know a floater is a string of black dots or lines obscuring your eyesight. I already have an eye doctors appointment tomorrow but from what I understand there's nothing I can really do it's just supposed to get easier to live with overtime. I guess I just have to get used to it but it's yet another thing that my body is just falling apart around me yay!

I need to make some major life changes I think...

 kittybird is offering commissions lately due to her mate losing her job. If theirs anyone out there looking for a good artist who works quickly please think about commissioning her. You can see a lot of examples of her art both in my own gallery (from commissions) and in my favorites. She's a good friend of mine and I wish I could help her myself but with my recent money issues it's impossible.

See KB's journal here for more information and info about her "homecon" streams.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7909205/

For next month I plan to be participating in National writing month, this means I will be attempting to finish a book I've been writing for the last few years. I was wondering if anyone would actually be interested in seeing me stream this I haven't streamed for 2 years but I still have everything together that I would need other than finding a host which would only take me a few hours. If there's any interest I may do it I plan to literally sit down each day for about four to five hours and right I could stream one to two of these easily everyday. I would make up a schedule each week in advance and then stick to the times when I'm streaming other than that I will be writing at my pace. So is there anyone out there that would actually be interested in watching this?

Many of you probably already know this however I've been home for about a week now. My flight home went fine other than the fact that I ripped a hole into my knuckle on my right hand on my thumb which ended up meaning that I was coated in Blood by the time I got onto the plane so no one spoke to me throughout the entire five-hour flight which is a bonus. I basically looked like I bludgeon the stewardess to death throughout the entire flight.

The trip home was fairly quick just a two-hour car drive then I slept for almost the entire day after that I've spent this last week getting stuff to fix up the house we're renting mostly to fix up the kitchen and clean up the bathrooms and I've been busy reorganizing things and getting stuff set up in the upper bedroom to start filming a series of YouTube videos I'm planning that should start production probably next month.

I'm still feeling quite a bit depressed and lonely and been feeling that way for the last generally month to month and a half and being back in Ohio doesn't really help it. It doesn't help that I'm basically in a household where I watch two different couples spend the majority of their time together that kind of eats away at you over a course of time.