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2022 in retrospect, eeeeech
Posted 3 years agoIt's been a while all, just figured I'd talk about this year as it has sucked and I won't be sad to see it go :/
For the most part it wouldn't be that notable except for a couple of events...
the first quarter of the year was normal, nothing to complain about there, fast forward to April, and I contract a NASTY case of Brochitis, as If that doesn't suck, after dodging the bullet for TWO YEARS it happened. The following week my folks come home from a dinner party... EVERYONE there ultimately tests positive for covid, and my parents bring it home, my immune system and frankly my lungs were already thrashed and had some issues that landed me in the hospital over night with "Acute Respiratory Distress", a fancy way to say I take 10 steps and was heaving for air, I spent the rest of that week semi delirious with a fever of 102 ~ 104 degrees, don't remember much from those dates. I still have shortness of breath to this day, and suffer from Chronic Fatigue... Long Covid's a b****.
Now we move forward to July 19th, I'm out on my new e-bike minding my own business, keeping the speed low as I'm on sidewalks and as I'm crossing a parking lot exit, blammo, some twit that didn't look the other way tried to gun it out ahead of traffic despit my right of way in the crosswalk... right through me...
Lands me in emergency again, many x-rays later, my moments on that table some of the most painful moments in recent memory, show an abnormality in my spine, they write it off as an old injury, and tell me I didn't break anything. I leave the ER and return to work the following week (The folks at the ER told me to take it easy for a week and recover... HAH!), well, followed up with my P.C.P. and he didn't like the diagnosis I got OR that abnormality, so he scheduled me for an MRI. yeah at this point, I had literally been at work on reduced hours for two weeks with my T12 and L1 vertebrae chipped and cracked, and a slipped L5 S1 disc, it's no wonder I was slumped over the counter by the end of the night EVERY night for the last two weeks at the restaurant I work at. Still recovering from that.
I have my lost wages coming and a modest lawsuit working, so $$$ yay! (sarcasm) and THANKFULLY NO medical expenses drivers insurance payed all of it no questions asked, and pain every night I finish work as I'm trying to build my backs strength back up, so yeah, this year can suck a big D.
I'm going to try to get myself drawing again so I can be more active again but... we'll see where that goes...
Just wanted more or less let people know that yes I AM still alive, for better or worse >..> and to wish all y'all an early Happy Holidays / Merry Christmas, if I don't get to it on the date itself :3
For clarification before anyone asks, Vaxxed, boosted, and still got it =..=
For the most part it wouldn't be that notable except for a couple of events...
the first quarter of the year was normal, nothing to complain about there, fast forward to April, and I contract a NASTY case of Brochitis, as If that doesn't suck, after dodging the bullet for TWO YEARS it happened. The following week my folks come home from a dinner party... EVERYONE there ultimately tests positive for covid, and my parents bring it home, my immune system and frankly my lungs were already thrashed and had some issues that landed me in the hospital over night with "Acute Respiratory Distress", a fancy way to say I take 10 steps and was heaving for air, I spent the rest of that week semi delirious with a fever of 102 ~ 104 degrees, don't remember much from those dates. I still have shortness of breath to this day, and suffer from Chronic Fatigue... Long Covid's a b****.
Now we move forward to July 19th, I'm out on my new e-bike minding my own business, keeping the speed low as I'm on sidewalks and as I'm crossing a parking lot exit, blammo, some twit that didn't look the other way tried to gun it out ahead of traffic despit my right of way in the crosswalk... right through me...
Lands me in emergency again, many x-rays later, my moments on that table some of the most painful moments in recent memory, show an abnormality in my spine, they write it off as an old injury, and tell me I didn't break anything. I leave the ER and return to work the following week (The folks at the ER told me to take it easy for a week and recover... HAH!), well, followed up with my P.C.P. and he didn't like the diagnosis I got OR that abnormality, so he scheduled me for an MRI. yeah at this point, I had literally been at work on reduced hours for two weeks with my T12 and L1 vertebrae chipped and cracked, and a slipped L5 S1 disc, it's no wonder I was slumped over the counter by the end of the night EVERY night for the last two weeks at the restaurant I work at. Still recovering from that.
I have my lost wages coming and a modest lawsuit working, so $$$ yay! (sarcasm) and THANKFULLY NO medical expenses drivers insurance payed all of it no questions asked, and pain every night I finish work as I'm trying to build my backs strength back up, so yeah, this year can suck a big D.
I'm going to try to get myself drawing again so I can be more active again but... we'll see where that goes...
Just wanted more or less let people know that yes I AM still alive, for better or worse >..> and to wish all y'all an early Happy Holidays / Merry Christmas, if I don't get to it on the date itself :3
For clarification before anyone asks, Vaxxed, boosted, and still got it =..=
Sooo, time off meds is a thing
Posted 7 years ago I had a moment of clarity on something that I've been mulling over for a month or two now. At this point I haven't drawn anything for myself in the last 8 months, haven't had the desire to do so, and still don't. This has also translated over to my sense of follow-through when it comes to art for others. My job drains the life out of me and drawing is the last thing on my mind when I get home, my legs and back are killing me and I just want to lay down and relax and lately, art has become more a chore than a hobby, and that has drained any of the enjoyment that I got from it out.
Just so there's a little background here, I suffer from a condition known as Unipolar Depressive Disorder, and when it starts getting really bad manifests symptoms not unlike Fibromyalgia in my joints (that latter part is my early warning sign to get help). I had been very well managed for years while I was in college, lots of people around, and tones of stuff to keep my mind occupied and away from inward reflection. But as of December of 2017, I had a relapse that hangs around my neck like a lead noose. So I had to go back on my meds pretty immediately and there's a particularly sad side-effect of the anti-depressants I'm taking. For the symptoms these are ideal, but the pretty much stymy the creative process in my head. At two points in my life, at ages 11 and 17, I was a very real suicide risk, almost actually did it the second time >..>, and was put on Prozac when I was 11. I refuse to let it get to that point ever again so, art as a whole from me doesn't happen all that easily anymore. To this day I still think a stick in the mud has better self-esteem than I do, and I honestly don't think very much of myself at any given time unless I'm depressed and then I'm just a waste of space :/
I thought taking requests to try to keep me drawing would help but it's had the opposite effect. So for the moment I'm no longer taking on any requests, any current requests are suspended indefinitely, and at some point I had been thinking of trying commission work, but at this point that has become a hard "nope not doing it". So I may not be posting my half-assed character work for a while, but I do thank those of you for finding something you found in my work worth attention these last 10~11 years.
And for the record, I'm not taking my gallery down or anything like that, and I'm not disappearing, I'll still answer notes, comment and do shout backs, it's just for the moment I'm making a shift from a maker to a fav + watch, I just don't have the creativity bug anymore.
Just so there's a little background here, I suffer from a condition known as Unipolar Depressive Disorder, and when it starts getting really bad manifests symptoms not unlike Fibromyalgia in my joints (that latter part is my early warning sign to get help). I had been very well managed for years while I was in college, lots of people around, and tones of stuff to keep my mind occupied and away from inward reflection. But as of December of 2017, I had a relapse that hangs around my neck like a lead noose. So I had to go back on my meds pretty immediately and there's a particularly sad side-effect of the anti-depressants I'm taking. For the symptoms these are ideal, but the pretty much stymy the creative process in my head. At two points in my life, at ages 11 and 17, I was a very real suicide risk, almost actually did it the second time >..>, and was put on Prozac when I was 11. I refuse to let it get to that point ever again so, art as a whole from me doesn't happen all that easily anymore. To this day I still think a stick in the mud has better self-esteem than I do, and I honestly don't think very much of myself at any given time unless I'm depressed and then I'm just a waste of space :/
I thought taking requests to try to keep me drawing would help but it's had the opposite effect. So for the moment I'm no longer taking on any requests, any current requests are suspended indefinitely, and at some point I had been thinking of trying commission work, but at this point that has become a hard "nope not doing it". So I may not be posting my half-assed character work for a while, but I do thank those of you for finding something you found in my work worth attention these last 10~11 years.
And for the record, I'm not taking my gallery down or anything like that, and I'm not disappearing, I'll still answer notes, comment and do shout backs, it's just for the moment I'm making a shift from a maker to a fav + watch, I just don't have the creativity bug anymore.
Happy Holidays
Posted 9 years ago Just a simple wish for everyone who reads this to have a merry x-mas and a happy new year, and if you're out partying, be safe all! ^..^
Things finally normalizing... mostly
Posted 9 years agoWell, for those who have read past journals, my gram passed on May 30th, and we were all at peace with it; she's not suffering anymore. With a few months passed, and no longer having that looming anymore, I've been hit with the urge to draw more often, and I'm hoping that this means that I'm finally getting to the end of this slump. I'm aiming to try to if nothing else have a piece to upload at the least weekly, maybe then I'll get some more gallery traffic.
I'd like to convey my sincerest gratitude to those that have been long time watchers and always had kind words for me. I'd especially like to thank those that sent words of comfort and encouragement over the last few months (You know who you are) :3. with the shit last two years I've had to endure those comforting notes and comments I received eased the pain a bit and helped.
Well, with that... here's to a hopefully more active latter half of the year with far less suck!
I'd like to convey my sincerest gratitude to those that have been long time watchers and always had kind words for me. I'd especially like to thank those that sent words of comfort and encouragement over the last few months (You know who you are) :3. with the shit last two years I've had to endure those comforting notes and comments I received eased the pain a bit and helped.
Well, with that... here's to a hopefully more active latter half of the year with far less suck!
Apparently I'm not through yet
Posted 9 years ago My mind has been pretty preoccupied lately, because the last two years of suck haven't been enough apparently. My mind has not been on drawing and anything art related for two reasons. First I my remaining grandmother, early last December she went in to get checked out due to what felt like an attack of sciatica, and the found fully matasticised lung cancer, they say she most likely won't make it to may, though she's a tough old bird and could still be here then, It's hard seeing her in pain. Second, because we thought, here's to a year without anyone in our family dying, queue a close friend who's like family that I've known since I was 8 years old. He was found on January 10th, in his home strapped to a chair with his fiancé and two other residents he was sharing the house with, shot in the head. they found him responding to a major house fire, since the asshole or assholes in question tried to burn the evidence. This was the man who taught me how to defend myself, was always there for me, was just one of the guys I could be silly with on a regular basis, and now... he's just gone. I never even got to say goodbye to him even post mortem, because apparently I wasn't considered good enough to be told about the memorial service or burial. He was like a brother to me and all I can do is wish the worst upon his murderer(s).
I'm sorry about the rant... this has been festering in my head for a while now and I finally feel like I can talk about it. You can go ahead and call me a drama whore or whatever for not keeping it to myself, I just don't care. Drawing used to be my coping mechanism for depression, and there's enough stress and crap that I haven't seriously put a pencil to paper in months, and I don't see my friends at school anymore since I graduated from college last semester. In short life sucks but it does go on...
I'm sorry about the rant... this has been festering in my head for a while now and I finally feel like I can talk about it. You can go ahead and call me a drama whore or whatever for not keeping it to myself, I just don't care. Drawing used to be my coping mechanism for depression, and there's enough stress and crap that I haven't seriously put a pencil to paper in months, and I don't see my friends at school anymore since I graduated from college last semester. In short life sucks but it does go on...
Thinking about things
Posted 10 years ago I'm thinking of starting to do a thing, which will be clarified when I make my first upload/posting on the subject.
Since when I tried to do requests to see how well I could deal with the different situations (poses I'm not comfortable with, etc, etc, etc ...) I feel like trying something out a little different, as said above, if you follow me you'll see over the next month or so (when I get some free time from school and work >.>).
And just so everyone knows, since that last journal had been up for like ever, I am, while still missing my uncle, for the most part feeling better, and I can't thank those of you who noted me about it enough.
man short journal is short...
Since when I tried to do requests to see how well I could deal with the different situations (poses I'm not comfortable with, etc, etc, etc ...) I feel like trying something out a little different, as said above, if you follow me you'll see over the next month or so (when I get some free time from school and work >.>).
And just so everyone knows, since that last journal had been up for like ever, I am, while still missing my uncle, for the most part feeling better, and I can't thank those of you who noted me about it enough.
man short journal is short...
Life can kinda suck
Posted 11 years agoAs the title states, life can really suck sometimes.
In the wake of my uncle's passing on last Sunday, I have not ben able to do anything art related, and quite honestly... I'm depressed as hell.
Since we were all on vacation in North Carolina when it happened (this includes him, as well), we haven't been able to have anything done funeral or legal wise and that'll take precedence for a while so... needless to say, if I promised anything to you art-wise at this point I do not know when I will get to it but I will eventually.
As for what did him in... a Fatal Heart-Attack at 55 when you're healthy as a horse is just too damn wrong...
In the wake of my uncle's passing on last Sunday, I have not ben able to do anything art related, and quite honestly... I'm depressed as hell.
Since we were all on vacation in North Carolina when it happened (this includes him, as well), we haven't been able to have anything done funeral or legal wise and that'll take precedence for a while so... needless to say, if I promised anything to you art-wise at this point I do not know when I will get to it but I will eventually.
As for what did him in... a Fatal Heart-Attack at 55 when you're healthy as a horse is just too damn wrong...
Happy Holidays
Posted 12 years agoJust putting a journal out to wish everyone that follows me a Happy Holiday, and to apologize for a SERIOUS lack of activity of late.
p.s. Yes I am Indeed still amongst the living o_o
p.s. Yes I am Indeed still amongst the living o_o
*sigh*
Posted 12 years agoAs of this posting I sincerely apologize to all I owe requests to... I have not been able drive myself to put a pencil to a piece of paper or a stylus to a screen in almost 7 months, and as such have had no updates to even post.
For the most part I only have drawing spats when I'm around other friends drawing (of which I have none that I can do this with),
and/or when I'm playing D&D (which I can't do due to group disbandment)... if I don't have either of these my creative muse just kinda seizes up and lies there staring at me expecting me to do something on my own for a change... well it don't work like that...
So, for the moment I got nothing...
The list below is shown mostly that No, I have not forgotten what I need to do and I at some point will honor these once I get my will to draw back, so as stated below the list is on indefinite hold.
And again, I am so sorry...
=====ON INDEFINATE HOLD=====
Slot 1:
commanderhavoc
Status: In Progress
Slot 2:
bigdino
Status: In Progress
Slot 3:
jose6z
Status: Queued
Slot 4:
wolfurameshi
Status: Queued
Slot 5:
werewolfgene
Status: In Progress
=====ON INDEFINATE HOLD=====
For the most part I only have drawing spats when I'm around other friends drawing (of which I have none that I can do this with),
and/or when I'm playing D&D (which I can't do due to group disbandment)... if I don't have either of these my creative muse just kinda seizes up and lies there staring at me expecting me to do something on my own for a change... well it don't work like that...
So, for the moment I got nothing...
The list below is shown mostly that No, I have not forgotten what I need to do and I at some point will honor these once I get my will to draw back, so as stated below the list is on indefinite hold.
And again, I am so sorry...
=====ON INDEFINATE HOLD=====
Slot 1:
commanderhavocStatus: In Progress
Slot 2:
bigdinoStatus: In Progress
Slot 3:
jose6zStatus: Queued
Slot 4:
wolfurameshiStatus: Queued
Slot 5:
werewolfgeneStatus: In Progress
=====ON INDEFINATE HOLD=====
Not Forgotten
Posted 13 years agoJust want to clarify, i have not forgotten the list of req's that i have... i've just been shit busy with school...
So yes they are getting done albeit slowly <..<
Yes, i'm also kinda bouncing around the list a little >..>'
=========================
Slot 1: commanderhavoc
Status: In Progress
Slot 2: bigdino
Status: In Progress
Slot 3: jose6z
Status: Queued
Slot 4: wolfurameshi
Status: Queued
Slot 5: werewolfgene
Status: In Progress
=========================
So yes they are getting done albeit slowly <..<
Yes, i'm also kinda bouncing around the list a little >..>'
=========================
Slot 1:
commanderhavocStatus: In Progress
Slot 2:
bigdinoStatus: In Progress
Slot 3:
jose6zStatus: Queued
Slot 4:
wolfurameshiStatus: Queued
Slot 5:
werewolfgeneStatus: In Progress
=========================
Just a thought
Posted 13 years agoTo any i know, if i offered to do commissions along the lines of http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8425905/ and http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8359785/ for $10 would there be any takers?
=========================
Slot 1: commanderhavoc
Status: beginning shortly
Slot 2: bigdino
Status: Queued
Slot 3: jose6z
Status: Queued
Slot 4: wolfurameshi
Status: Queued
Slot 5: werewolfgene
Status: Queued
Backburner 1:
azunai
Status: Backburned until i get request details.
=========================
=========================
Slot 1:
commanderhavocStatus: beginning shortly
Slot 2:
bigdinoStatus: Queued
Slot 3:
jose6zStatus: Queued
Slot 4:
wolfurameshiStatus: Queued
Slot 5:
werewolfgeneStatus: Queued
Backburner 1:
azunaiStatus: Backburned until i get request details.
=========================
No Subject
Posted 13 years agoAs it stands right now, i have 5 requests lined up and until i get them done i'm not gonna be taking any more requests on at this point.
The outstanding ones at this point are:
Slot 1: commanderhavoc
Status: beginning shortly
Slot 2: bigdino
Status: Queued
Slot 3: jose6z
Status: Queued
Slot 4: wolfurameshi
Status: Queued
Slot 5: azunai
Status: Waiting on request details.
Who knows, if i can keep up a good pace i might actually be able to do commissions along the lines of what i've been doing as requests :P
The outstanding ones at this point are:
Slot 1:
commanderhavocStatus: beginning shortly
Slot 2:
bigdinoStatus: Queued
Slot 3:
jose6zStatus: Queued
Slot 4:
wolfurameshiStatus: Queued
Slot 5:
azunaiStatus: Waiting on request details.
Who knows, if i can keep up a good pace i might actually be able to do commissions along the lines of what i've been doing as requests :P
Kinda Sucks >.>
Posted 14 years agoWell it's official as of december 8th, i haven't been able to put a pencil to paper for art for four or five months now... art blocks suck...
-_-'
Posted 14 years agook, so, apearently noone in my house currently has any pretense of follow through... i am tired of waiting and no matter how much of a pain it's gonna be, i am digging out that scanner next bloody chance i get... needless to say i'm rather P/O'ed right now... >.<
So for the record there WILL be an upload streak from me within the next couple of weeks >.>
So for the record there WILL be an upload streak from me within the next couple of weeks >.>
>.>
Posted 15 years agowell, i have those pictures done but due to moving my scanner is put away currently i will get to putting those up when situated at new address. also tis me birthday today
"sigh"
Posted 15 years agoOk, i know i've kinda fallen off of the face of the earth the last two months but i have good reason... My windows instalation was unstable as heck untill it finally gave up starting about a couple days ago, so i've reinstalled and am in the process of reinstalling drivers and the such... I also need to replace my freeking mouse which is on death's doorstep knocking quite loudly >..> once all is said and done i'll be posting again >..<
god dammit >..<*
Posted 15 years agoOk, people friggin suck hard, me and my mother get home from going to see a movie, we come home and the day thus far was great. We get into the driveway and stop, as soon as we get outta the van we hear a loud (and ominous) hissing... we look for it and lo and behold a 3/4 inch long shard of glass sticking out of the tire... some stupid asshole decided that instead of using the garbage can just 5 steps forward he was gonna just shatter it all over our driveway... i know for a fact that the arse threw it hard because we had fragments half-way up the driveway >..<*
Needless to say we need a new freaking tire... that ass is lucky i didn't see him do it or else he'd have caught his bottle (or what was left of it) to the back of the head! ... >..>'
Slot 1:
sekaj
-performing desired tweaks-
Slot 2:
bryagh
-will begin work shortly-
Needless to say we need a new freaking tire... that ass is lucky i didn't see him do it or else he'd have caught his bottle (or what was left of it) to the back of the head! ... >..>'
Slot 1:
sekaj -performing desired tweaks-
Slot 2:
bryagh -will begin work shortly-
Something i'm doin >.>'
Posted 15 years agoWell, i have some free time now and as far as i see it am going to have to occupy myself some how, so here's a first...
I'm going to be making time to possibly do requests and i'll have 2 slots open to get a feel for if this is something i may want to do more regularly plus if it pans out my arts may get a tad more exposure then they normally get in my little corner of FA... so i guess if you're interested leave a comment on this journal and i'll be willing to take up the first two that show interest... so without further banter xD
Edit: OK, I know my friend
Gryfffalconheart is having a real rough time of it right now... and maintaining communication is difficult at best so i'll hold his ability to make a request at any time, but for the moment i'm moving down the list >.>
Slot 1: Sekaj
-pencilwork is complete I'll post it when i'm back in NY to get your oppinion on it.
Slot 2: Bryagh
Hopefully someone shows interest or this is gonna be one bored dragon :P
I'm going to be making time to possibly do requests and i'll have 2 slots open to get a feel for if this is something i may want to do more regularly plus if it pans out my arts may get a tad more exposure then they normally get in my little corner of FA... so i guess if you're interested leave a comment on this journal and i'll be willing to take up the first two that show interest... so without further banter xD
Edit: OK, I know my friend
Gryfffalconheart is having a real rough time of it right now... and maintaining communication is difficult at best so i'll hold his ability to make a request at any time, but for the moment i'm moving down the list >.>Slot 1:
Sekaj-pencilwork is complete I'll post it when i'm back in NY to get your oppinion on it.
Slot 2:
BryaghHopefully someone shows interest or this is gonna be one bored dragon :P
God it's late to do this >..<
Posted 16 years agosorry i'm so late saying it, but Happy Thanksgiving all... on another note those updates i said i'd be putting up are in the inking/cleanup stage and if i started taking commissions would there be any takers? (i.e. i'm putting serious thought into it >..>)
^..^ first FA journal
Posted 16 years agoAs the title states, this is my first journal on FA in what is it two years xD...
ahem, well for anyone who actually cares my birthday is coming up and i'll be twenty-three on Oct 30th and soon i'll have some updates for this gallery... lord knows i need to update more >..>
ahem, well for anyone who actually cares my birthday is coming up and i'll be twenty-three on Oct 30th and soon i'll have some updates for this gallery... lord knows i need to update more >..>
