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All Ahead Slow
Posted 4 years agoBoth my previous two journals have been heavily redacted and edited; because a lot of what I felt I needed to say at the time was at the time and I needed to vent. I was hurt and disappointed. It was stuff that needed to be said at the time. I needed an outlet, and I felt personally attacked. But I’m going to start 2021 with a fresh perspective; in large part after learning about some events I was unaware of or happened shortly after I had a falling out with said individual to them.
I now understand there were other factors in said person’s life which may have affected them to take things out on me and not hold back then they otherwise may have done. They snapped at me, but there were likely other factors in play. As such I feel a little guilty for how I reacted too. But we are Human. We are all emotional wrecks, especially right here and now...
2020 and the first month of 2021 have been really hard on everyone, but some more then others.
I’m in the bracket of people it affected less all things considered. I haven’t lost anyone close to me during this time, at-least in a permanent irreversible way that many people have.
My last surviving grandfather somehow made it through 2020 in one piece. I lost my Grandmother a year before the Pandemic hit. And as someone who’s involved in the Alt Right cult and went into 2020 believing that the Virus was a hoax and “no big deal” it’s a miracle he never caught it and stayed with us.
I can attribute this mostly to him living in a low population area vs the company he kept. He had family over regularly to visit, and demanded that they not wear masks. He went out to eat in person once a week and attended in-person church without masks on. He’s in his 90’s…
A part of me is a little morose on how he can dodge the bullet that he kept putting himself in the way of when others who are doing everything they can to avoid it are the ones who are getting hit. It’s all the roll of the dice, and while the odds were against him he kept rolling nat 20’s while others rolled nat 1s on their far fewer rolls to avoid this disease.
But fate sometimes has other ways of getting its dues. He may have not gotten Covid. He survived all of this physically, but as of the start of 2021 he entered the stage where his body is too weak to even dress himself or walk a few steps.
His mind is beginning to go into Dementia, which is a blessing in one way. He’s starting to forget the Hate and Bigotry that kept him going the last four years. He’s willing to start accepting help from others. He’s going to get the Covid Vaccine, something he would have flat out refused to do had he “been all there”.
Dementia is never a fun thing to address, but in his case in some odd way it’s actually bringing him peace. He’s letting others help him for a change and he's allowing himself to be admitted to an assisted living home. Maybe in some twist of fate when he passes he will be finally at peace with himself and more importantly others that he wouldn’t have been had he still been cognitive enough to be his hate waving closed minded “normal” self that we’ve had to just “put up with” for the last 4+ years.
But for now, he’s still hanging on despite the odds being so stacked against him.
My family and friends may have pulled through this for the most part; but the political rift caused by everything that happened is tough.
I also recently found out a once close friend has shut themselves into the hate and bigotry cult. It was someone I haven't had contact in years, but its still hard looking back then hearing how they are now from a mutual friend who still had contact and is still trying to get through to said person, and remembering how they were before they changed. It sucks a lot to think how paranoid and full of Hate these people are, and how they can rationalize it and excuse the Evil which they surround themselves in. My mind has a very hard wrapping itself around the concept.
I’ve still got so many conflicting views on the Pandemic as a whole too. One moment I’m having an actual anxiety attack in the middle of a crowded Post Office because there are too many people there and not everyone is spaced out.
People wearing masks for some may be a “comfort” for them but in this situation it only adds to the panic for me. Because it’s a signal that something is wrong. That feeling of "I shouldn’t be here surrounded by people who are on the verge of panic, who may or may not be sick, with no easy escape route that doesn’t involve passing someone in the process." is now a very real thing.
And the next moment I’m watching someone by themselves in their car alone with the windows up or in the middle of a parking lot outside in fresh air with no one within hundreds of feet wearing a mask. And my mind goes to “Really? Is that really necessary? Why would you even…”
It’s the two extremes that really tear on me. The people that are, afraid for their lives every living second (even in cases where there is legitimate reason, IE they are immocompromised etc) that make the feeling of Dystopia (and yes I will still keep using that word because things are NOT NORMAL right now) hit me like a brick.
And on the other side you have the people who try and act like Nothing is Wrong and "everything is normal, no government can tell me to wear a mask or get a vaccine! Blah Blah etc etc..." Those people make me just as nervous, if not moreso.
I’m taking Reasonable precautions during this time. I'm not going out to eat. I'm wearing masks in public indoor spaces, even though they do give me some anxiety and can be a complication with my sinuses. I'm avoiding crowds. Any social contact has all been one on one (or atleast one household). No parties, no events, etc.
But at the same time I’m not going to fear for my life every second of the day wearing a medical grade N95 while driving in my car alone. I’m not afraid of shopping for groceries; but am taking steps to avoid close contact with people at the store as much as I can.
Life without some risk is not living, but times change and dictate what is a reasonable risk (like driving a car to get to work) and what is just reckless. I don’t embrace being reckless.
I’m going to keep doing my street photography. Its both an important thing to document and is a coping mechanism for me. It shows me not only the Darkness of the Past but also the path towards the light.
So as the Journal title says, I’m currently at All Ahead Slow. I'm getting used to being more of a homebody again vs going out every night like the lifestyle I had a few years ago. I can't afford that lifestyle both for being responsible and that my money now is tied into providing for a household instead. But in this way I'm still doing a lot better then most. Any of my struggles, and money being "tight" is trivial considering I still got a roof over my head and can pay the mortgage and other bills even if some months they get paid off late.
The important part of this is not focusing on the “Slow” that we are forced to take to keep safe right now; it’s the “All Ahead”. We'll get through this, but it's not going to happen at the pace we want it to. Change will happen, but it will come slower then we would like.
I now understand there were other factors in said person’s life which may have affected them to take things out on me and not hold back then they otherwise may have done. They snapped at me, but there were likely other factors in play. As such I feel a little guilty for how I reacted too. But we are Human. We are all emotional wrecks, especially right here and now...
2020 and the first month of 2021 have been really hard on everyone, but some more then others.
I’m in the bracket of people it affected less all things considered. I haven’t lost anyone close to me during this time, at-least in a permanent irreversible way that many people have.
My last surviving grandfather somehow made it through 2020 in one piece. I lost my Grandmother a year before the Pandemic hit. And as someone who’s involved in the Alt Right cult and went into 2020 believing that the Virus was a hoax and “no big deal” it’s a miracle he never caught it and stayed with us.
I can attribute this mostly to him living in a low population area vs the company he kept. He had family over regularly to visit, and demanded that they not wear masks. He went out to eat in person once a week and attended in-person church without masks on. He’s in his 90’s…
A part of me is a little morose on how he can dodge the bullet that he kept putting himself in the way of when others who are doing everything they can to avoid it are the ones who are getting hit. It’s all the roll of the dice, and while the odds were against him he kept rolling nat 20’s while others rolled nat 1s on their far fewer rolls to avoid this disease.
But fate sometimes has other ways of getting its dues. He may have not gotten Covid. He survived all of this physically, but as of the start of 2021 he entered the stage where his body is too weak to even dress himself or walk a few steps.
His mind is beginning to go into Dementia, which is a blessing in one way. He’s starting to forget the Hate and Bigotry that kept him going the last four years. He’s willing to start accepting help from others. He’s going to get the Covid Vaccine, something he would have flat out refused to do had he “been all there”.
Dementia is never a fun thing to address, but in his case in some odd way it’s actually bringing him peace. He’s letting others help him for a change and he's allowing himself to be admitted to an assisted living home. Maybe in some twist of fate when he passes he will be finally at peace with himself and more importantly others that he wouldn’t have been had he still been cognitive enough to be his hate waving closed minded “normal” self that we’ve had to just “put up with” for the last 4+ years.
But for now, he’s still hanging on despite the odds being so stacked against him.
My family and friends may have pulled through this for the most part; but the political rift caused by everything that happened is tough.
I also recently found out a once close friend has shut themselves into the hate and bigotry cult. It was someone I haven't had contact in years, but its still hard looking back then hearing how they are now from a mutual friend who still had contact and is still trying to get through to said person, and remembering how they were before they changed. It sucks a lot to think how paranoid and full of Hate these people are, and how they can rationalize it and excuse the Evil which they surround themselves in. My mind has a very hard wrapping itself around the concept.
I’ve still got so many conflicting views on the Pandemic as a whole too. One moment I’m having an actual anxiety attack in the middle of a crowded Post Office because there are too many people there and not everyone is spaced out.
People wearing masks for some may be a “comfort” for them but in this situation it only adds to the panic for me. Because it’s a signal that something is wrong. That feeling of "I shouldn’t be here surrounded by people who are on the verge of panic, who may or may not be sick, with no easy escape route that doesn’t involve passing someone in the process." is now a very real thing.
And the next moment I’m watching someone by themselves in their car alone with the windows up or in the middle of a parking lot outside in fresh air with no one within hundreds of feet wearing a mask. And my mind goes to “Really? Is that really necessary? Why would you even…”
It’s the two extremes that really tear on me. The people that are, afraid for their lives every living second (even in cases where there is legitimate reason, IE they are immocompromised etc) that make the feeling of Dystopia (and yes I will still keep using that word because things are NOT NORMAL right now) hit me like a brick.
And on the other side you have the people who try and act like Nothing is Wrong and "everything is normal, no government can tell me to wear a mask or get a vaccine! Blah Blah etc etc..." Those people make me just as nervous, if not moreso.
I’m taking Reasonable precautions during this time. I'm not going out to eat. I'm wearing masks in public indoor spaces, even though they do give me some anxiety and can be a complication with my sinuses. I'm avoiding crowds. Any social contact has all been one on one (or atleast one household). No parties, no events, etc.
But at the same time I’m not going to fear for my life every second of the day wearing a medical grade N95 while driving in my car alone. I’m not afraid of shopping for groceries; but am taking steps to avoid close contact with people at the store as much as I can.
Life without some risk is not living, but times change and dictate what is a reasonable risk (like driving a car to get to work) and what is just reckless. I don’t embrace being reckless.
I’m going to keep doing my street photography. Its both an important thing to document and is a coping mechanism for me. It shows me not only the Darkness of the Past but also the path towards the light.
So as the Journal title says, I’m currently at All Ahead Slow. I'm getting used to being more of a homebody again vs going out every night like the lifestyle I had a few years ago. I can't afford that lifestyle both for being responsible and that my money now is tied into providing for a household instead. But in this way I'm still doing a lot better then most. Any of my struggles, and money being "tight" is trivial considering I still got a roof over my head and can pay the mortgage and other bills even if some months they get paid off late.
The important part of this is not focusing on the “Slow” that we are forced to take to keep safe right now; it’s the “All Ahead”. We'll get through this, but it's not going to happen at the pace we want it to. Change will happen, but it will come slower then we would like.
2021 - The year of Moving On
Posted 5 years agoA few days ago I was going to write down my thoughts on how to start 2021, and I’m glad I waited as the first major event (which I knew was likely to happen) of the year occurred with the formal “Slam the Door Shut” DM from the other party mentioned in my previous post. So it does alter what I was intending to say with this post a little. Which I will get into towards the bottom of this post. But let's start with what I had originally intended to write and tie things in:
A lot happened in 2020 that was stressful for all of us. From things that affected us commonly to personal matters. Friendships were taxed for everyone. For some, this meant re-connecting, confirming or strengthening friendships. For others, it was the straw on the camel’s back that ultimately led to that friendship ending.
Many many of us experienced Both ends of the spectrum this year; it’s what happens during a crisis; we learn things about each other.
Sometimes those things are good and we bond together to face the crisis head on together, and sometimes the crisis confirms things we knew but didn’t want to admit and no longer could just “ignore” about the other individual, to things that just popped up out of left field that will damage a relationship. I had both happen, and am no longer on speaking terms with 2 people, plus one more which is recoverable, that one I just need to re-connect with.
If 2020 was an Ending, 2021 is a beginning. For many, many things- not just the rebuild of society and trust as a whole but also on a personal level. It will be a year of moving on, and accepting that this change will not be easy, it will not come overnight but it NEEDS to happen.
When people look at a story, they always look at how difficult an ending is. It’s not often that we think of how difficult a new beginning is as well.. Its hard to let go of the Old Ways. Its hard to change. Its hard to Start Over.
But this is what 2021 is going to be. The great rebuilding. As the World. As a Nation. As each individual State, County, Neighborhood and individual.
Letting go of the old life, letting go of the thought of “how good things were in 2019…” and instead paving a way forward to make 2021 start a new path. Re-Build. Re-connect. But at the same time, acknowledge that there are some things from 2020 and before that need to be left buried in the past and just Move On.
Some flaws of myself I can’t change. Some I am trying to change but it’s probably not happening any time soon (or those flaws are double sided and are also a strength in other lights).
Others yes I AM working on changing and, you know what; I HAVE made progress on and that is something to be Proud of.
Everyone is going to have flaws. No one is perfect, and its for the best that I now just focus on improving what I can improve, and accepting what I can’t change.
Going forward with 2021: I’m just going to Live My Life, knowing that throughout everything in 2020 I am still here, still have a roof over my head; and surround myself with the positive influences I can use to re-build and move on.
I have a wonderful and loving partner. I still have other close friends that I would take a proverbial bullet for; whom are very very close and helped me get through the Chaos of last year.
I have embraced the responsibility of being a homeowner. I’m learning how to cook. Things started changing for me even before 2020 hit, and I was lucky enough to get a head start and bear some of that change a year early rather then have everything cascading down at once; which did help.
2021 has started. In a few weeks we will have overthrown the closest thing we’ve had to an Authoritarian Dictatorship Regime in my Country. The inoculation is started, there is an eventual light at the end of the tunnel where we can start rebuilding the collapse of Social interactions as well. It’s going to be a Historic year.
It’s time to rebuild from the ashes of 2020, and Move On.
A lot happened in 2020 that was stressful for all of us. From things that affected us commonly to personal matters. Friendships were taxed for everyone. For some, this meant re-connecting, confirming or strengthening friendships. For others, it was the straw on the camel’s back that ultimately led to that friendship ending.
Many many of us experienced Both ends of the spectrum this year; it’s what happens during a crisis; we learn things about each other.
Sometimes those things are good and we bond together to face the crisis head on together, and sometimes the crisis confirms things we knew but didn’t want to admit and no longer could just “ignore” about the other individual, to things that just popped up out of left field that will damage a relationship. I had both happen, and am no longer on speaking terms with 2 people, plus one more which is recoverable, that one I just need to re-connect with.
If 2020 was an Ending, 2021 is a beginning. For many, many things- not just the rebuild of society and trust as a whole but also on a personal level. It will be a year of moving on, and accepting that this change will not be easy, it will not come overnight but it NEEDS to happen.
When people look at a story, they always look at how difficult an ending is. It’s not often that we think of how difficult a new beginning is as well.. Its hard to let go of the Old Ways. Its hard to change. Its hard to Start Over.
But this is what 2021 is going to be. The great rebuilding. As the World. As a Nation. As each individual State, County, Neighborhood and individual.
Letting go of the old life, letting go of the thought of “how good things were in 2019…” and instead paving a way forward to make 2021 start a new path. Re-Build. Re-connect. But at the same time, acknowledge that there are some things from 2020 and before that need to be left buried in the past and just Move On.
Some flaws of myself I can’t change. Some I am trying to change but it’s probably not happening any time soon (or those flaws are double sided and are also a strength in other lights).
Others yes I AM working on changing and, you know what; I HAVE made progress on and that is something to be Proud of.
Everyone is going to have flaws. No one is perfect, and its for the best that I now just focus on improving what I can improve, and accepting what I can’t change.
Going forward with 2021: I’m just going to Live My Life, knowing that throughout everything in 2020 I am still here, still have a roof over my head; and surround myself with the positive influences I can use to re-build and move on.
I have a wonderful and loving partner. I still have other close friends that I would take a proverbial bullet for; whom are very very close and helped me get through the Chaos of last year.
I have embraced the responsibility of being a homeowner. I’m learning how to cook. Things started changing for me even before 2020 hit, and I was lucky enough to get a head start and bear some of that change a year early rather then have everything cascading down at once; which did help.
2021 has started. In a few weeks we will have overthrown the closest thing we’ve had to an Authoritarian Dictatorship Regime in my Country. The inoculation is started, there is an eventual light at the end of the tunnel where we can start rebuilding the collapse of Social interactions as well. It’s going to be a Historic year.
It’s time to rebuild from the ashes of 2020, and Move On.
2020: The Year of Chaos
Posted 5 years agoI'm dusting off FA for the first time in years, simply because I have a lot in my mind and I don't want to flood people's timelines on Twitter with a 26 part tweet thread. Since Blogs are pretty much dead (and I don't have one anymore anyway) the only place I can do a long winded personal thought dump and rant is here on FA.
Let's not dance around the main event of this year, regardless of your political stance or opinions on both the Pandemic and Racial Equality that exploded this year...
2020 was a year of Chaos and Change for everyone both on a personal level and from Society as a whole. Every major con and social event, social club, etc Cancelled.
This sparked a societal collapse. And yes I do mean a collapse. A "I didn't think this was possible to happen in my lifetime" scale collapse on a global scale.
I did a project of documenting some of that change with Street Photography this year. Something that both helped me cope with the collapse and re-build of society but also as an important and personal historical archive. It helped get me through my own demons, and really put things into perspective that treading water is still a lot better then sinking, and I've been very fortunate to not be in that group. And it did help me cope through this a LOT, because I had stepping stones to look back on and say "Hey this particular Dystopian thing I saw on the street is now in the Past"
But enough about World Issues. This post was not meant to not to focus on Society as a whole. It's to address how 2020 effected me on a personal level. Let's dial in on how things have been going on a personal level. And let's start in 2019. Because things really started to change in my personal life a full year before Covid dropped. I just didn't realize it at the time; and it was all cemented in 2020 some events that actually started in 2019.
In February of 2019 I was laid off from a Long Term job in the South Metro of the Twin Cities. A year previous to this,
mistdog had inherited a house in Wisconsin, and it was clear that she wouldn't be able to keep it without my help. So I dove into becoming a co-homeowner with her after months of trying to get a closer job in Western WI. Getting laid off was the kick in the butt I needed to dive in. And shortly after I got a contract job within commuting range of my new home for a long enough duration to get established in my new home.
I have ZERO REGRETS about moving out to WI. If anything, it has helped me mature in ways I haven't even fully realized yet. I'm in my late 30's and was still living with my parents as of two years ago.
I really didn't want to live alone by myself and having "platonic roomates" can be extremely stressful. Because in the end it's extremely rare to have one that you fully trust. With a steady relationship, it's different. Because you have that bond to get through hardship together. And hoo boy... The last two years... have had their share of hardships (as well as rewards, some of which I take for granted...)
Moving out to WI gave me a year to "prepare" for what was to come on 2020, I moved into a Low Population area which has been a huge advantage in getting through the Pandemic both for Physical and Mental Health.
Our local stores remained well stock even during the height Panics and Runs that hit larger cities (we only had a single week where Toilet Paper was hard to find, for example), the virus is still very uncommon out here and slow to spread in spite of the majority of people, in general taking a lot less precautions to Covid out here. (I'm an exception to the "Pandemic is Fake News" mentality that is super common in Rural areas, but even then I wasn't the first to embrace the lifestyle changes either)
Also, living out here has taught me how to function while being socially isolated. I had a year of in-person social activites being a bigger effort and less spur of the moment prior to 2020 that helped me prepare for it being necessary.
Ironically... I was getting to the point on Homeownership and time management that I was ready to start re-connecting to some friends in the cities and putting in the extra effort required in order to hang out, right before the Pandemic hit and the world went to hell.
That said, I still managed to accomplish this task in a limited scope, which is pretty remarkable considering what happened and the world changing for, atleast the half of us, that choose to try and be responsible to get through this rather then just ignore it and "hope it goes away on its own".
The biggest change for me, personally this year was the separation from a close friend. In the first two "normal" months of the year our friendship started to become permanently damaged to the point where it would be hard to repair the damage that was done.
There were also a few friends where moving actually made me become closer friends with as a result, which I am extremely grateful for.
But life happens. Friends change. Life changes. I've lost close friends before- said person was not the first and certainly wouldn't be the last. It still hurts.
There was another friend that I had a smaller blow up with this summer as well, but that one is likely a lot more recoverable once this Pandemic is over since that blowup was directly due to a difference of opinion about World Events between them and some other friends. I decided to side with my other friends in that situation as they turned their backs on us.
Neither loss may be forever. I had a few friends I actually had legitimate hate-feuds with in the past. And I made up with them a year or two later, apologies were said, and we are now on good terms again, albeit not as close as before.
While I had to distance myself from one former inner-circle friend and another that was not as close, a few other friends came into that inner circle to help fill that void.
I also re-connected with a few friends who I haven't spent enough time in previous years with, two directly whom I couldn't in large part because of said ex friend who became a barrier to being closer to them as well. One door closes but another one opens. Its how life works...
Having had a "year of preparing for a forced year of social distancing" helped greatly for my Mental Health this year.
I had a chance to slowly pump the brakes from being Socially Active with large events every week; to transitioning back to being Socially Reserved because of my current living situation; rather then just suddenly having them slammed on and one day "No longer being able to hang out with anyone on a regular basis because of the Pandemic".
If I had to deal with that more sudden shock, I may have reverted into more of my former self before I left my shell and joined the Furry Fandom; and I'm very glad that scenario didn't happen.
Life changes. For everyone life changed abruptly in 2020. But when I look back, I was lucky in the fact that I was able to mitigate some of that change 1-2 years ahead of this because of life choices I made that just happened to be beneficial for something I could not have ever predicted could happen. Fate works in strange ways.
When the lockdown hit, I was fortunate to be "allowed" to be physically close to one other person on a daily basis throughout this whole ordeal since we lived together. Someone who I Love and Deeply care for.
I know I would be an utter mess right now without having the ability to still be physically close with someone, and that I'm able to still do it on a daily basis is a luxury that not everyone has during this pandemic and social collapse.
There are still struggles. We are still not where I'd like to be financially. There has been this looming dread of going contract to contract for work month to month. But, as it stands we've survived. I can still pay the Mortage and most of the basic bills on my income. I've almost made it two full years of being a single income homeowner and this is not an easy feat, but we've managed to pull it off.
Every day I am thankful to have a roof over my head together with my love mistdog and the close friends I still have who have supported us and helped both of us pull through these Dystopian times. I've managed to remarkably stay employed. I haven't lost anyone close to me this year, which is a miracle in itself all things considered.
Things will still be rough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. A path through which no longer leads to living under a Dictatorship. Hope that society can be re-built rather then keep collapsing in on itself. A chance that some things, on the greater scale, will actually change for the better from all this.
Change is not Easy. Change is Pain. But sometimes it is needed, and sometimes good can come from it.
Let's not dance around the main event of this year, regardless of your political stance or opinions on both the Pandemic and Racial Equality that exploded this year...
2020 was a year of Chaos and Change for everyone both on a personal level and from Society as a whole. Every major con and social event, social club, etc Cancelled.
This sparked a societal collapse. And yes I do mean a collapse. A "I didn't think this was possible to happen in my lifetime" scale collapse on a global scale.
I did a project of documenting some of that change with Street Photography this year. Something that both helped me cope with the collapse and re-build of society but also as an important and personal historical archive. It helped get me through my own demons, and really put things into perspective that treading water is still a lot better then sinking, and I've been very fortunate to not be in that group. And it did help me cope through this a LOT, because I had stepping stones to look back on and say "Hey this particular Dystopian thing I saw on the street is now in the Past"
But enough about World Issues. This post was not meant to not to focus on Society as a whole. It's to address how 2020 effected me on a personal level. Let's dial in on how things have been going on a personal level. And let's start in 2019. Because things really started to change in my personal life a full year before Covid dropped. I just didn't realize it at the time; and it was all cemented in 2020 some events that actually started in 2019.
In February of 2019 I was laid off from a Long Term job in the South Metro of the Twin Cities. A year previous to this,
mistdog had inherited a house in Wisconsin, and it was clear that she wouldn't be able to keep it without my help. So I dove into becoming a co-homeowner with her after months of trying to get a closer job in Western WI. Getting laid off was the kick in the butt I needed to dive in. And shortly after I got a contract job within commuting range of my new home for a long enough duration to get established in my new home.I have ZERO REGRETS about moving out to WI. If anything, it has helped me mature in ways I haven't even fully realized yet. I'm in my late 30's and was still living with my parents as of two years ago.
I really didn't want to live alone by myself and having "platonic roomates" can be extremely stressful. Because in the end it's extremely rare to have one that you fully trust. With a steady relationship, it's different. Because you have that bond to get through hardship together. And hoo boy... The last two years... have had their share of hardships (as well as rewards, some of which I take for granted...)
Moving out to WI gave me a year to "prepare" for what was to come on 2020, I moved into a Low Population area which has been a huge advantage in getting through the Pandemic both for Physical and Mental Health.
Our local stores remained well stock even during the height Panics and Runs that hit larger cities (we only had a single week where Toilet Paper was hard to find, for example), the virus is still very uncommon out here and slow to spread in spite of the majority of people, in general taking a lot less precautions to Covid out here. (I'm an exception to the "Pandemic is Fake News" mentality that is super common in Rural areas, but even then I wasn't the first to embrace the lifestyle changes either)
Also, living out here has taught me how to function while being socially isolated. I had a year of in-person social activites being a bigger effort and less spur of the moment prior to 2020 that helped me prepare for it being necessary.
Ironically... I was getting to the point on Homeownership and time management that I was ready to start re-connecting to some friends in the cities and putting in the extra effort required in order to hang out, right before the Pandemic hit and the world went to hell.
That said, I still managed to accomplish this task in a limited scope, which is pretty remarkable considering what happened and the world changing for, atleast the half of us, that choose to try and be responsible to get through this rather then just ignore it and "hope it goes away on its own".
The biggest change for me, personally this year was the separation from a close friend. In the first two "normal" months of the year our friendship started to become permanently damaged to the point where it would be hard to repair the damage that was done.
There were also a few friends where moving actually made me become closer friends with as a result, which I am extremely grateful for.
But life happens. Friends change. Life changes. I've lost close friends before- said person was not the first and certainly wouldn't be the last. It still hurts.
There was another friend that I had a smaller blow up with this summer as well, but that one is likely a lot more recoverable once this Pandemic is over since that blowup was directly due to a difference of opinion about World Events between them and some other friends. I decided to side with my other friends in that situation as they turned their backs on us.
Neither loss may be forever. I had a few friends I actually had legitimate hate-feuds with in the past. And I made up with them a year or two later, apologies were said, and we are now on good terms again, albeit not as close as before.
While I had to distance myself from one former inner-circle friend and another that was not as close, a few other friends came into that inner circle to help fill that void.
I also re-connected with a few friends who I haven't spent enough time in previous years with, two directly whom I couldn't in large part because of said ex friend who became a barrier to being closer to them as well. One door closes but another one opens. Its how life works...
Having had a "year of preparing for a forced year of social distancing" helped greatly for my Mental Health this year.
I had a chance to slowly pump the brakes from being Socially Active with large events every week; to transitioning back to being Socially Reserved because of my current living situation; rather then just suddenly having them slammed on and one day "No longer being able to hang out with anyone on a regular basis because of the Pandemic".
If I had to deal with that more sudden shock, I may have reverted into more of my former self before I left my shell and joined the Furry Fandom; and I'm very glad that scenario didn't happen.
Life changes. For everyone life changed abruptly in 2020. But when I look back, I was lucky in the fact that I was able to mitigate some of that change 1-2 years ahead of this because of life choices I made that just happened to be beneficial for something I could not have ever predicted could happen. Fate works in strange ways.
When the lockdown hit, I was fortunate to be "allowed" to be physically close to one other person on a daily basis throughout this whole ordeal since we lived together. Someone who I Love and Deeply care for.
I know I would be an utter mess right now without having the ability to still be physically close with someone, and that I'm able to still do it on a daily basis is a luxury that not everyone has during this pandemic and social collapse.
There are still struggles. We are still not where I'd like to be financially. There has been this looming dread of going contract to contract for work month to month. But, as it stands we've survived. I can still pay the Mortage and most of the basic bills on my income. I've almost made it two full years of being a single income homeowner and this is not an easy feat, but we've managed to pull it off.
Every day I am thankful to have a roof over my head together with my love
mistdog and the close friends I still have who have supported us and helped both of us pull through these Dystopian times. I've managed to remarkably stay employed. I haven't lost anyone close to me this year, which is a miracle in itself all things considered. Things will still be rough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. A path through which no longer leads to living under a Dictatorship. Hope that society can be re-built rather then keep collapsing in on itself. A chance that some things, on the greater scale, will actually change for the better from all this.
Change is not Easy. Change is Pain. But sometimes it is needed, and sometimes good can come from it.
2017 In Review
Posted 8 years agoShould be pretty obvious that I'm not on FA that much anymore, a lot of it admittedly has to do with the ongoing downtime and DDOS attacks/ Greifing that goes on, part of it has to do with not having the time, and another part due to using Twitter as my primary Social Media outlet.
But because I'm too lazy to get a Blog (And even LESS people would read that) a long thought dump still needs to go here because I have no other place to really put it. I've done Threads on Twitter before but don't feel like this is appropriate for one.
First there is the Obvious one. The thing that happened which was frustratingly out of my control, watching the government of the US slowly turn into a Totalitarianism based on the Wealthiest of CEOs. Something I never thought I'd witness in my lifetime. And I'll admit, I'm a little better off because I'm in a Demographic NOT targeted by the Hate this Party aims at Minorities and different lifestyles. Outside of the Furry thing I'm "Normal" from the current society's warped perception of Normality, other then I'm not a Wealthy CEO. But I'll Digress...
As frustrating as all of that is Life DOES go on, and some major changes did happen for me this last year, many of which were positive.
First and Foremost 2017 was the year I fell in Love with mistdog . My relationship status over the last Decade has been up and down, and 2017 started off looking like it was going to continue that trend. The gal I had been dating dumped me in early 2017, and it was a few days later that I met Juniper. We started out as friends, I did stuff with her every few weeks and it was a good distraction from everything else that was going on in the world.
It didn't take me long to figure out that we liked each other, and right before the 4th of July I asked her out. A few months after we started dating she was the first to say "I Love You" a phrase I'd come close to but had never uttered outloud in my last few relationships. It had been a very long time since I truly felt this way about someone and it was what I needed to say "Yes 2017 was overall positive in spite of the Nation I'm forced to live in falling apart. Atleast I have someone special to share these hardships with <3"
Photography wise I took a LOT of photos in 2017, it was yet another distraction from the politics of the world. To cherish the Art and see the moments of Good in the world through my photography. I took nearly 100,000 frames this year which is... yeah which is a lot. Thankfully this is spread over multiple cameras so I didn't deplete the sensor life of one in a single year x.x.
This included taking photos at multiple Furry Cons (3 of which were for Staff Photography), two fundraising events, (one of which was on its last year), local Fur Events, Camera Club events and Trips and many photo walks to vent frustration and try to get some exercise.
Once I am done with my MFF photos (which will be Soon) I will start to go through all the extra photos I took in 2017 and try editing and posting some of them in the next few months. I don't see myself getting through all of them, but I did feel like 2017 was a year where my photography evolved. I'll probably tone back in 2018 and not go as crazy on snapping photos; but I'll still take plenty and help out as photography staff at the same cons as I did in 2017. I just hope to be a little more focused and not just spraying and praying taking photos of everything as I did last year.
Otherwise its another year of getting older. I have a Stable job, which in the current state of things is something I can be thankful for, even if I have more debt then I'd like hanging over my head.
I had a few minor health issues came up reminding me I'm not as Young as I used to be, but thankfully nothing major. Getting sick is a lot better then being hospitalized and needing surgery, a bullet I've still managed to dodge, thankfully.
And ending on a Somber note: 2017 was the first year I had to say goodbye to a Friend. Another reminder that I'm getting older and Mortality is a thing. I didn't know Takaza as much as I wish I could have, but I still made the journey to pay my respects. I've been fortunate that I haven't had to really experience Loss since the death of one of my favorite Uncles some 8 years ago. But I'm going to be thankful every day for the Friends that I still have since they make up a huge part of my life, and feel fortunate that they are still a part of my life.
2018 will start as the year I will get back into Video. I made one video at Aqutifur this year, and while it was nice for practice I really didn't have much content to capture at that con. Fursquared is where it will turn back over since I've been tasked to cover both Photography AND Video this year. I have a very solid and experienced team covering photography, which means I need to put down the still camera for the most part (though I may take a few snapshots here and there) and handle the recording of moving images at the con. It's been a few years since I've attempted to do Video. I kinda got burnt out on it for several reasons. But 2018 is the year I return- so we'll see how it goes.
As far as what else lies ahead for 2018, I'm not sure. But having mistdog by my side along with all my other friends, I will get through 2018 just as I got through 2017 regardless of how much more of the world falls apart around us. In the end, those who we Love and care for are the most important above all else.
But because I'm too lazy to get a Blog (And even LESS people would read that) a long thought dump still needs to go here because I have no other place to really put it. I've done Threads on Twitter before but don't feel like this is appropriate for one.
First there is the Obvious one. The thing that happened which was frustratingly out of my control, watching the government of the US slowly turn into a Totalitarianism based on the Wealthiest of CEOs. Something I never thought I'd witness in my lifetime. And I'll admit, I'm a little better off because I'm in a Demographic NOT targeted by the Hate this Party aims at Minorities and different lifestyles. Outside of the Furry thing I'm "Normal" from the current society's warped perception of Normality, other then I'm not a Wealthy CEO. But I'll Digress...
As frustrating as all of that is Life DOES go on, and some major changes did happen for me this last year, many of which were positive.
First and Foremost 2017 was the year I fell in Love with
mistdog . My relationship status over the last Decade has been up and down, and 2017 started off looking like it was going to continue that trend. The gal I had been dating dumped me in early 2017, and it was a few days later that I met Juniper. We started out as friends, I did stuff with her every few weeks and it was a good distraction from everything else that was going on in the world. It didn't take me long to figure out that we liked each other, and right before the 4th of July I asked her out. A few months after we started dating she was the first to say "I Love You" a phrase I'd come close to but had never uttered outloud in my last few relationships. It had been a very long time since I truly felt this way about someone and it was what I needed to say "Yes 2017 was overall positive in spite of the Nation I'm forced to live in falling apart. Atleast I have someone special to share these hardships with <3"
Photography wise I took a LOT of photos in 2017, it was yet another distraction from the politics of the world. To cherish the Art and see the moments of Good in the world through my photography. I took nearly 100,000 frames this year which is... yeah which is a lot. Thankfully this is spread over multiple cameras so I didn't deplete the sensor life of one in a single year x.x.
This included taking photos at multiple Furry Cons (3 of which were for Staff Photography), two fundraising events, (one of which was on its last year), local Fur Events, Camera Club events and Trips and many photo walks to vent frustration and try to get some exercise.
Once I am done with my MFF photos (which will be Soon) I will start to go through all the extra photos I took in 2017 and try editing and posting some of them in the next few months. I don't see myself getting through all of them, but I did feel like 2017 was a year where my photography evolved. I'll probably tone back in 2018 and not go as crazy on snapping photos; but I'll still take plenty and help out as photography staff at the same cons as I did in 2017. I just hope to be a little more focused and not just spraying and praying taking photos of everything as I did last year.
Otherwise its another year of getting older. I have a Stable job, which in the current state of things is something I can be thankful for, even if I have more debt then I'd like hanging over my head.
I had a few minor health issues came up reminding me I'm not as Young as I used to be, but thankfully nothing major. Getting sick is a lot better then being hospitalized and needing surgery, a bullet I've still managed to dodge, thankfully.
And ending on a Somber note: 2017 was the first year I had to say goodbye to a Friend. Another reminder that I'm getting older and Mortality is a thing. I didn't know Takaza as much as I wish I could have, but I still made the journey to pay my respects. I've been fortunate that I haven't had to really experience Loss since the death of one of my favorite Uncles some 8 years ago. But I'm going to be thankful every day for the Friends that I still have since they make up a huge part of my life, and feel fortunate that they are still a part of my life.
2018 will start as the year I will get back into Video. I made one video at Aqutifur this year, and while it was nice for practice I really didn't have much content to capture at that con. Fursquared is where it will turn back over since I've been tasked to cover both Photography AND Video this year. I have a very solid and experienced team covering photography, which means I need to put down the still camera for the most part (though I may take a few snapshots here and there) and handle the recording of moving images at the con. It's been a few years since I've attempted to do Video. I kinda got burnt out on it for several reasons. But 2018 is the year I return- so we'll see how it goes.
As far as what else lies ahead for 2018, I'm not sure. But having
mistdog by my side along with all my other friends, I will get through 2018 just as I got through 2017 regardless of how much more of the world falls apart around us. In the end, those who we Love and care for are the most important above all else.Giving Video a Second chance...
Posted 8 years agoIt's been just about One Year since I shot, edited, and posted my last Convention (Or otherwise) video and posted it to Youtube: My Megaplex 2016 video here. At this point I was already stressed from Drama that happened earlier that year (which looking back was pretty petty on both sides; even if I didn't agree how I was treated...) and the way some Videographers were being treated by some of the Con Security staff that year (which is something I ONLY ran into at that one year at that one particular con) along with some trolling on Youtube from fake anti-fur accounts was enough to make me put down and even sell a lot (but not all) of my Video gear and focus back on Photography.
So, I've had about a year to think on this one now, and I made some observations and conclusions of my own during this time:
1. There is just as much of a lack of and need for more Dedicated Videographers in the Fandom (if not more so) that are willing to work with Conventions; or for that matter even share their work with others then there is with Photographers. This is the Biggest reason for me coming back, not for Myself but for others. I've been tasked to create a Video Department for FurSquared next year (A Convention in WI), and while I have some connections for Photographers I don't have as much pull with Video folks.
2. There are stuck up Assholes in the Videography world within the Fandom, but there are also Photographers that are just as stuck up and not willing to work with/ "Be on the same Level" with other Photographers. It's not something that's unique to people who take Video. There are some pretty awesome people who are Videographers just as there are some pretty awesome photographers too as People. It's just a matter of ignoring the Thorns and "Know it Alls" out there in both fields, which isn't always easy to do.
3. Video draws comments from Trolls quicker then Photography does. On the flip side people seem to be more likely to like or leave a comment on a video then a Photo too. Photos tend to get re-shared and re-uploaded more however; so they get additional attention that way.
4. I'm a Photographer first. This will NEVER change. I will ALWAYS be better at Photography then I am Video. That said... looking back at my youtube channel I did see a noticeable improvement from my first video to my last one. The camera wasn't as jerky, tilted as often, and I wasn't changing my zoom while I was recording (That's a photographer quirk and its a hard habit to break. We are used to changing the framing constantly for every shot)
5. I don't Fursuit. I'm not running Conventions at a Board/Organizational level anymore (I tried it, not for me). A lot of people seem to have two "Hobbies" within the Furry Fandom. A lot of times its "Fursuiting and X". (IE Fursuiting and Video) I don't have a Fursuit, nor do I ever have plans to get one. Thus leaves me at Photography and X. And Photography and Video seems to be a Logical pairing.
6. I went way overboard with Video Hardware. Let's face it- I'm a Camera Nerd. I love playing with equipment and this translated to Video when I got into that. While I'm comfortable enough with Photography that I can pickup a camera and in a few sessions be pretty well versed in it, I'm not that way when it came to video. I bought some pretty advanced video Hardware, more then I needed for sure- and became frustrated because I was trying to use gear above my skill level.
So after weighing these points in my mind, I think the Positives vastly outweigh the Drama and the Negatives, especially when I factor in the Drama I've run into in the Photography world. It may be slightly different but its Drama none the same.
My next upcoming con (Furry Migration) I'm dedicated to Photography Staff on. So this break is going to need to be extended for a little longer by necessity.
From there, I have one more con (MFF) where I will be just as Dedicated to Photography and will likely not have the time to double dip into Video at. That isn't until December which leaves a pretty big gap (Sep, Oct, Nov) for me to get re-attuned to working with Video again. I could use some guidance and help but if I have to strike out on my own I will.
I taught myself Photography, and I didn't start becoming involved in Photography Clubs until I was comfortable with Photography on my own. There may be a con inbetween FM and MFF in October where I could in theory practice on my Video work even if I won't be there the entire duration of the con; I won't be staff so I will have free reign to do whatever I want for the time I am there. Maybe I'll make a video with what gear I still have left :).
So yeah, expect to see Videos from me again at some point before the end of the year. I'm going to wade back in rather then dive head first however; and a lot of my time is still soaked up with Photography. I'm hoping that I can make some connections and friends through the Videographer community at some point too, though I'll be the complete Noob for once...
So, I've had about a year to think on this one now, and I made some observations and conclusions of my own during this time:
1. There is just as much of a lack of and need for more Dedicated Videographers in the Fandom (if not more so) that are willing to work with Conventions; or for that matter even share their work with others then there is with Photographers. This is the Biggest reason for me coming back, not for Myself but for others. I've been tasked to create a Video Department for FurSquared next year (A Convention in WI), and while I have some connections for Photographers I don't have as much pull with Video folks.
2. There are stuck up Assholes in the Videography world within the Fandom, but there are also Photographers that are just as stuck up and not willing to work with/ "Be on the same Level" with other Photographers. It's not something that's unique to people who take Video. There are some pretty awesome people who are Videographers just as there are some pretty awesome photographers too as People. It's just a matter of ignoring the Thorns and "Know it Alls" out there in both fields, which isn't always easy to do.
3. Video draws comments from Trolls quicker then Photography does. On the flip side people seem to be more likely to like or leave a comment on a video then a Photo too. Photos tend to get re-shared and re-uploaded more however; so they get additional attention that way.
4. I'm a Photographer first. This will NEVER change. I will ALWAYS be better at Photography then I am Video. That said... looking back at my youtube channel I did see a noticeable improvement from my first video to my last one. The camera wasn't as jerky, tilted as often, and I wasn't changing my zoom while I was recording (That's a photographer quirk and its a hard habit to break. We are used to changing the framing constantly for every shot)
5. I don't Fursuit. I'm not running Conventions at a Board/Organizational level anymore (I tried it, not for me). A lot of people seem to have two "Hobbies" within the Furry Fandom. A lot of times its "Fursuiting and X". (IE Fursuiting and Video) I don't have a Fursuit, nor do I ever have plans to get one. Thus leaves me at Photography and X. And Photography and Video seems to be a Logical pairing.
6. I went way overboard with Video Hardware. Let's face it- I'm a Camera Nerd. I love playing with equipment and this translated to Video when I got into that. While I'm comfortable enough with Photography that I can pickup a camera and in a few sessions be pretty well versed in it, I'm not that way when it came to video. I bought some pretty advanced video Hardware, more then I needed for sure- and became frustrated because I was trying to use gear above my skill level.
So after weighing these points in my mind, I think the Positives vastly outweigh the Drama and the Negatives, especially when I factor in the Drama I've run into in the Photography world. It may be slightly different but its Drama none the same.
My next upcoming con (Furry Migration) I'm dedicated to Photography Staff on. So this break is going to need to be extended for a little longer by necessity.
From there, I have one more con (MFF) where I will be just as Dedicated to Photography and will likely not have the time to double dip into Video at. That isn't until December which leaves a pretty big gap (Sep, Oct, Nov) for me to get re-attuned to working with Video again. I could use some guidance and help but if I have to strike out on my own I will.
I taught myself Photography, and I didn't start becoming involved in Photography Clubs until I was comfortable with Photography on my own. There may be a con inbetween FM and MFF in October where I could in theory practice on my Video work even if I won't be there the entire duration of the con; I won't be staff so I will have free reign to do whatever I want for the time I am there. Maybe I'll make a video with what gear I still have left :).
So yeah, expect to see Videos from me again at some point before the end of the year. I'm going to wade back in rather then dive head first however; and a lot of my time is still soaked up with Photography. I'm hoping that I can make some connections and friends through the Videographer community at some point too, though I'll be the complete Noob for once...
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager...
Posted 8 years agoSince it won't fit in the title line the full quote is "When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours" which is from a very well known Elton John song.
I won't beat around the bush here. I'm not single anymore, and this time it feels a lot different. Different in a Very Good way. mistdog and I are now comfortable enough to admit, atleast to the Furry public, that we are Dating. While its still early honestly I feel a lot closer to her then I have with anyone in a very very long time <3.
If you didn't catch my last Journal about relationship stuffs a few months ago: my last Ex dumped me Cold without any warning. She wasn't a Fur. We met on a Dating website. I could kinda tell that she was reserved about that... side of me a little bit or at the very least didn't understand the Dual life that most if not everyone in the Fandom lives. There were a number of other reasons I'm sure, most of which I will never know; but at this point I really don't care. I've been given a second chance to have someone to care for and who cares about me and I'm not going to take this for granted, and I don't have to explain to this person about the dual life I live :3.
I vowed that I wouldn't look at Dating sites. I wouldn't try to farm myself out as "Single and looking" to the Internet ever again; and I kept to that promise. But someone still found me regardless <3
We started out as friends. That is the honest truth here. She helped comfort me in a time I was sore and made me laugh again. And then it just sorta happened. That's it, honestly. We started out as friends, but as fate would have it we ended up hanging out, just the two of us, and slowly getting closer to each other. A few weeks ago at a Carnival neither of us wanted to go home, and that's when I just sorta... felt like there was something more there.
Those who know me know that I am absolutely horrible at reading people. I don't generally pick up on hints based on body language, tone or otherwise unless its blatantly obvious. For once I actually was right. <3
Since I know some of my followers on both here and Twitter are Single and frustrated on being in that state (Believe me I've been there, many many times) I'm not going to rub it in. I'm posting this one Journal, leaving something in my profile and probably going to make one series of Twitter posts about it. And that's it. I will keep any of the Mushy stuff to PMs. I might reference that we are doing something together or post some photos of a place we visited together but honestly I'd do that for my friends too.
One thing I will Emphasize here: My friends are still VERY important to me. Just because I'm in a Relationship again doesn't mean that I do not want to hang out with you anymore; it seems to be a common misconception and for some a Relationship DOES mean shutting off from friends. I won't allow that, my friends are very important to me so please, don't think otherwise. I'm still the same Yarrick and if we are Friends I'm still more then happy to spend a night getting you out of the house and hanging out somewhere.
I still want to Hang out with my Friends, I want to spend time with my GF, and I also want to spend time with both my friends AND my GF together. Because she is still my best friend, and I want all of my friends to be able to co exist and do stuff together.
I won't beat around the bush here. I'm not single anymore, and this time it feels a lot different. Different in a Very Good way.
mistdog and I are now comfortable enough to admit, atleast to the Furry public, that we are Dating. While its still early honestly I feel a lot closer to her then I have with anyone in a very very long time <3.If you didn't catch my last Journal about relationship stuffs a few months ago: my last Ex dumped me Cold without any warning. She wasn't a Fur. We met on a Dating website. I could kinda tell that she was reserved about that... side of me a little bit or at the very least didn't understand the Dual life that most if not everyone in the Fandom lives. There were a number of other reasons I'm sure, most of which I will never know; but at this point I really don't care. I've been given a second chance to have someone to care for and who cares about me and I'm not going to take this for granted, and I don't have to explain to this person about the dual life I live :3.
I vowed that I wouldn't look at Dating sites. I wouldn't try to farm myself out as "Single and looking" to the Internet ever again; and I kept to that promise. But someone still found me regardless <3
We started out as friends. That is the honest truth here. She helped comfort me in a time I was sore and made me laugh again. And then it just sorta happened. That's it, honestly. We started out as friends, but as fate would have it we ended up hanging out, just the two of us, and slowly getting closer to each other. A few weeks ago at a Carnival neither of us wanted to go home, and that's when I just sorta... felt like there was something more there.
Those who know me know that I am absolutely horrible at reading people. I don't generally pick up on hints based on body language, tone or otherwise unless its blatantly obvious. For once I actually was right. <3
Since I know some of my followers on both here and Twitter are Single and frustrated on being in that state (Believe me I've been there, many many times) I'm not going to rub it in. I'm posting this one Journal, leaving something in my profile and probably going to make one series of Twitter posts about it. And that's it. I will keep any of the Mushy stuff to PMs. I might reference that we are doing something together or post some photos of a place we visited together but honestly I'd do that for my friends too.
One thing I will Emphasize here: My friends are still VERY important to me. Just because I'm in a Relationship again doesn't mean that I do not want to hang out with you anymore; it seems to be a common misconception and for some a Relationship DOES mean shutting off from friends. I won't allow that, my friends are very important to me so please, don't think otherwise. I'm still the same Yarrick and if we are Friends I'm still more then happy to spend a night getting you out of the house and hanging out somewhere.
I still want to Hang out with my Friends, I want to spend time with my GF, and I also want to spend time with both my friends AND my GF together. Because she is still my best friend, and I want all of my friends to be able to co exist and do stuff together.
Shoot with the Camera that's right for you...
Posted 8 years agoA bit of advice I've learned about Photography over the years I've been doing this:
Shoot with the Camera that you enjoy using. Don't go off and buy the most expensive gear because "It's the BEST" because this isn't necessarily true. Don't buy a brand of camera because someone on the street told you "Oh only Nikon makes good cameras, or Only Canon makes good lenses..." ETC ETC.
The beautiful thing about today's digital photography world is it's advanced to the point that no matter what advanced camera you pick up; you'll get some damn fine pictures with it. Canon, Nikon, Sony, Olympus, Pentax, Panasonic, ETC has solid digital cameras, and EVERY camera has its strengths AND weaknesses.
Yes, even the Full Frame DSLRs have very prominent weaknesses. There is NO perfect camera out there; it doesn't exist.
A lot of people seem to think that if you buy something like a Canon 5D Mark IV or a Nikon D810 or a Sony A9 you'll have the perfect camera and instantly be "Good" at photography just for owning expensive equipment, it doesn't work that way.
I follow a professional Art photographer on Twitter who shoots with a 7 year old Canon Rebel and uses mostly kit grade glass. He has some amazing and breathtaking stuff. Yes, he may have to use a good amount of skill to push that camera to its limit and do a lot of work in POST, but you know what- he pulls it off.
I like having options, I like being able to test out new gear; and I've learned along the way that not every piece of gear I've shot with I've enjoyed the experience with nor had good quality results, whether video or still cameras. I've sold off some equipment in both photography and video that was just not for me, and that includes gear that was rated "Better" then what I'm currently using. But I didn't get "Better" results with it.
Not everyone has an infinite budget either. Some people are very well off either from having high paying jobs or having inheritance from wealthy relatives, friends or Significant Others. Many people are on a tighter budget then what I have to spend on Photography equipment too.
Shoot with equipment you can afford, buying used can also get you gear that normally would be out of your price range- I do this quite often.
But whether your budget for Photography is $500 or $5000 you can get good results if you are comfortable with your gear. Get to know its strengths and weaknesses. Accept that the super expensive gear may actually be worse for you depending on how you use it.
If you get good results with a $5000 pro DSLR then great, but the guy with the $1000 DSLR (me) or even the guy with the $500 DSLR can still take great photos.
To wrap this up: Don't get camera envy if you have equipment you enjoy shooting and get good photos off of. (I've been here myself...). Use what you can afford, but also what you feel comfortable using. I got great results on APS C bodies, then drank of the "Full Frame Koolaid" and got a bitter taste in return. So I went back to APS-C rather then stretching my budget with Full Frame equipment I could barely afford that took photos in a style I did not care for (Shallow DOF, lots of Vignetting, lack of reach)
And one more important note: Don't belittle other photographers for having "lesser" gear. This is part of the reason a lot of Pro photographers rub me the wrong way, and why when Photography will always be a passion it will also stay as a Hobby for me.
Shoot with the Camera that you enjoy using. Don't go off and buy the most expensive gear because "It's the BEST" because this isn't necessarily true. Don't buy a brand of camera because someone on the street told you "Oh only Nikon makes good cameras, or Only Canon makes good lenses..." ETC ETC.
The beautiful thing about today's digital photography world is it's advanced to the point that no matter what advanced camera you pick up; you'll get some damn fine pictures with it. Canon, Nikon, Sony, Olympus, Pentax, Panasonic, ETC has solid digital cameras, and EVERY camera has its strengths AND weaknesses.
Yes, even the Full Frame DSLRs have very prominent weaknesses. There is NO perfect camera out there; it doesn't exist.
A lot of people seem to think that if you buy something like a Canon 5D Mark IV or a Nikon D810 or a Sony A9 you'll have the perfect camera and instantly be "Good" at photography just for owning expensive equipment, it doesn't work that way.
I follow a professional Art photographer on Twitter who shoots with a 7 year old Canon Rebel and uses mostly kit grade glass. He has some amazing and breathtaking stuff. Yes, he may have to use a good amount of skill to push that camera to its limit and do a lot of work in POST, but you know what- he pulls it off.
I like having options, I like being able to test out new gear; and I've learned along the way that not every piece of gear I've shot with I've enjoyed the experience with nor had good quality results, whether video or still cameras. I've sold off some equipment in both photography and video that was just not for me, and that includes gear that was rated "Better" then what I'm currently using. But I didn't get "Better" results with it.
Not everyone has an infinite budget either. Some people are very well off either from having high paying jobs or having inheritance from wealthy relatives, friends or Significant Others. Many people are on a tighter budget then what I have to spend on Photography equipment too.
Shoot with equipment you can afford, buying used can also get you gear that normally would be out of your price range- I do this quite often.
But whether your budget for Photography is $500 or $5000 you can get good results if you are comfortable with your gear. Get to know its strengths and weaknesses. Accept that the super expensive gear may actually be worse for you depending on how you use it.
If you get good results with a $5000 pro DSLR then great, but the guy with the $1000 DSLR (me) or even the guy with the $500 DSLR can still take great photos.
To wrap this up: Don't get camera envy if you have equipment you enjoy shooting and get good photos off of. (I've been here myself...). Use what you can afford, but also what you feel comfortable using. I got great results on APS C bodies, then drank of the "Full Frame Koolaid" and got a bitter taste in return. So I went back to APS-C rather then stretching my budget with Full Frame equipment I could barely afford that took photos in a style I did not care for (Shallow DOF, lots of Vignetting, lack of reach)
And one more important note: Don't belittle other photographers for having "lesser" gear. This is part of the reason a lot of Pro photographers rub me the wrong way, and why when Photography will always be a passion it will also stay as a Hobby for me.
Getting back into the swing of things...
Posted 8 years agoThe last few months have been a rough ride, as my last few Journals have indicated. Not going to repeat anything on this one.
My inactivity on FA and just posting Photos in General (except for the work I volunteer to do, such as Staff photography at conventions) is in large part because of that. I've still been getting out and shooting here and there, but I haven't really posted anything of my Fun photography outside of maybe a very occasional pic on Twitter.
I plan to take a lot of time to focus back on myself, which includes my photography and being more active in posting it. I also plan to work on getting healthy, The first step in that is taking care of my teeth and getting some dental work done, as well as getting a Physical and a regular Doctor.
I also need to cut down on Soda, which also goes hand in hand with taking care of my teeth. If I don't want to have teeth pulled after all the time spent plugging cavities over the next few months; I need to watch my sugars.
In addition plan on trying to be more active now that Spring is here, going on more walks and hikes. I went on a long photo hike tonight at a nature preserve and it felt really good.
I'm re-tooling and refining my Photography. This year will be the end in a series of selling and purchasing camera equipment. I'm learning to embrace the equipment that feels right to me while letting go of equipment I don't use so it can be home to someone else who will get better use out of it then me.
If there is anything I've learned about Photography and Video over the past two years is: Use the Equipment YOU are comfortable with that get the results YOU like. Don't go off of what others say as "this is the only way to go" because it isn't. Every camera is different, and this goes for both Photography AND Video. A camera one Photographer or Videographer may adore and get amazing results with, may frustrate another photographer/videographer to no end. Basically, there is no one "Perfect Setup" that is perfect for everyone, regardless of what some people may claim.
I'm also looking into ways to perhaps even tip toe back into Video work without plunging into the deep-end and becoming frustrated again. I'm also putting some Drama behind me as a result. I've ran into Photographers I can't work with, so why should I be forced out of doing Video work because I met a few Videographers that rubbed me the wrong way?
But just in general, I'm making an effort to be more active and more positive again; it's not something that happens overnight, considering how up and down the last few months and even the last two years has been for me. I know there will be more bumps on the road ahead... but I need to focus on keeping myself in the light.
My inactivity on FA and just posting Photos in General (except for the work I volunteer to do, such as Staff photography at conventions) is in large part because of that. I've still been getting out and shooting here and there, but I haven't really posted anything of my Fun photography outside of maybe a very occasional pic on Twitter.
I plan to take a lot of time to focus back on myself, which includes my photography and being more active in posting it. I also plan to work on getting healthy, The first step in that is taking care of my teeth and getting some dental work done, as well as getting a Physical and a regular Doctor.
I also need to cut down on Soda, which also goes hand in hand with taking care of my teeth. If I don't want to have teeth pulled after all the time spent plugging cavities over the next few months; I need to watch my sugars.
In addition plan on trying to be more active now that Spring is here, going on more walks and hikes. I went on a long photo hike tonight at a nature preserve and it felt really good.
I'm re-tooling and refining my Photography. This year will be the end in a series of selling and purchasing camera equipment. I'm learning to embrace the equipment that feels right to me while letting go of equipment I don't use so it can be home to someone else who will get better use out of it then me.
If there is anything I've learned about Photography and Video over the past two years is: Use the Equipment YOU are comfortable with that get the results YOU like. Don't go off of what others say as "this is the only way to go" because it isn't. Every camera is different, and this goes for both Photography AND Video. A camera one Photographer or Videographer may adore and get amazing results with, may frustrate another photographer/videographer to no end. Basically, there is no one "Perfect Setup" that is perfect for everyone, regardless of what some people may claim.
I'm also looking into ways to perhaps even tip toe back into Video work without plunging into the deep-end and becoming frustrated again. I'm also putting some Drama behind me as a result. I've ran into Photographers I can't work with, so why should I be forced out of doing Video work because I met a few Videographers that rubbed me the wrong way?
But just in general, I'm making an effort to be more active and more positive again; it's not something that happens overnight, considering how up and down the last few months and even the last two years has been for me. I know there will be more bumps on the road ahead... but I need to focus on keeping myself in the light.
Spring Renewal
Posted 8 years agoSo on to something positive. I'm tired of being a pessimist even if a few things have hit me hard and unexpectedly in the first portion of 2017. Because yes, I know others have it worse.
Atleast I have a job still and am somewhat financially stable (for now)... because I've been in situations where this has not been the case. And if this changes, which it could, I'll deal with it *shrug*. I've had my share of surprises this year that any further surprises should be much easier to deal with.
But on the glass half full portion of this; I have amazing friends and I've actually made some new friends throughout the ups and downs of the last few years. Including just recently. I can be very thankful for this.
Additionally Spring is finally here, which is my favorite time of year (minus the suffering of Seasonal Allergies; but they've been manageable as long as I remeber to take my allergy medication).
For anywhere in the Northern Climates where winter is a Harsh and mostly "dead" time of year, Spring is a time of transition, of renewal. Of rebirth and new life. The timing of the events that happened at the end of winter make this Spring almost a metaphor for me this year.
Sticking to the non-metaphor side of things; it's finally warm enough to go fishing and have moderate success in doing so. Additionally, things are starting to bloom and come alive again which gives me more opportunity and subjects for Nature Photography rather then taking the same boring photo of the dead cattail against snow.
The other day I saw a pair of Eagles on top of high tension power line poles. They were just at the very edge of my telephoto range for being able to tell what they were and were partially obscured by the structure, so I couldn't get a real good shot I'd deem "post worthy". It was still neat just to see them; as finding anything other then geese and ducks, song birds that are often too small or too fast to get good shots of, seagulls, pigeons or squirrels is uncommon and only happens a few times a year.
If I get to see an Eagle, Hawk or Deer, etc and get close enough to even get somewhat blurry or cropped photos where you can barely tell what it is; it's still a good day out for me.
Seeing the Eagles was a good omen for me, that things will turn out okay, in spite of all the messed up shit plauging this world, this fandom, and everything. There are still DECENT people out there in spite of the Evil and Hardships. All I can do is hold onto that fact... but perhaps that is all I need.
As long as I have friends, and a way to escape into the wilderness with a camera or fly rod; I really can't say that life sucks.
Atleast I have a job still and am somewhat financially stable (for now)... because I've been in situations where this has not been the case. And if this changes, which it could, I'll deal with it *shrug*. I've had my share of surprises this year that any further surprises should be much easier to deal with.
But on the glass half full portion of this; I have amazing friends and I've actually made some new friends throughout the ups and downs of the last few years. Including just recently. I can be very thankful for this.
Additionally Spring is finally here, which is my favorite time of year (minus the suffering of Seasonal Allergies; but they've been manageable as long as I remeber to take my allergy medication).
For anywhere in the Northern Climates where winter is a Harsh and mostly "dead" time of year, Spring is a time of transition, of renewal. Of rebirth and new life. The timing of the events that happened at the end of winter make this Spring almost a metaphor for me this year.
Sticking to the non-metaphor side of things; it's finally warm enough to go fishing and have moderate success in doing so. Additionally, things are starting to bloom and come alive again which gives me more opportunity and subjects for Nature Photography rather then taking the same boring photo of the dead cattail against snow.
The other day I saw a pair of Eagles on top of high tension power line poles. They were just at the very edge of my telephoto range for being able to tell what they were and were partially obscured by the structure, so I couldn't get a real good shot I'd deem "post worthy". It was still neat just to see them; as finding anything other then geese and ducks, song birds that are often too small or too fast to get good shots of, seagulls, pigeons or squirrels is uncommon and only happens a few times a year.
If I get to see an Eagle, Hawk or Deer, etc and get close enough to even get somewhat blurry or cropped photos where you can barely tell what it is; it's still a good day out for me.
Seeing the Eagles was a good omen for me, that things will turn out okay, in spite of all the messed up shit plauging this world, this fandom, and everything. There are still DECENT people out there in spite of the Evil and Hardships. All I can do is hold onto that fact... but perhaps that is all I need.
As long as I have friends, and a way to escape into the wilderness with a camera or fly rod; I really can't say that life sucks.
Tripple Whammy
Posted 8 years agoSo to summarize all that's happened in my life over the last Month:
-A Friend passed Away
-My GF Dumped me without any warning signs the relationship was stressed
-One of my co-workers is leaving for another position. We're a small department and I don't know if they're going to replace him. If they don't, stress at work will be a thing again. Also I will NOT be able to take any time off till they re-hire a third person or I switch jobs... whichever comes first. And Job Hunting is stressful.
All things considered, I'm holding up a lot better then I thought I would be, but there have still been a few times where I've been very Melancholy and on the Edge of depression. I've had a few days where I've been on a short fuse. Luckily it's been slow at work in spite of that looming notion that things will suddenly go into overdrive come May 1st when I'm doing the work of one and a half people.
Having friends helps a LOT with all three of these sudden unforeseen events. Having a con last weekend, even though it was an Anime Con and not Furry helped a lot too.
My Tax refunds came in so for once I am not hurting on money, but at the same time I've been planning on putting most (atleast 85-90%) to paying down my credit debt.
Given current happenings; the temptation to spend it on something to make me "Happy" is very real, but luckily I can't even decide on what that would be if I did decide to suddenly be impulsive. I could put it to upgrade the boat for example, but that's a lot of work especially if I'd have to sell my current one in the process. And I'm not sure I use it enough to warrant the upgrade.
So I'll just sit on a razor's edge and hope nothing else sudden happens I didn't see coming that is of a stressful kind. I have photos to edit to distract me and give myself a purpose... yet I'll still have plenty of nights I just want to escape with friends or bury my head into Fallout 4.
-A Friend passed Away
-My GF Dumped me without any warning signs the relationship was stressed
-One of my co-workers is leaving for another position. We're a small department and I don't know if they're going to replace him. If they don't, stress at work will be a thing again. Also I will NOT be able to take any time off till they re-hire a third person or I switch jobs... whichever comes first. And Job Hunting is stressful.
All things considered, I'm holding up a lot better then I thought I would be, but there have still been a few times where I've been very Melancholy and on the Edge of depression. I've had a few days where I've been on a short fuse. Luckily it's been slow at work in spite of that looming notion that things will suddenly go into overdrive come May 1st when I'm doing the work of one and a half people.
Having friends helps a LOT with all three of these sudden unforeseen events. Having a con last weekend, even though it was an Anime Con and not Furry helped a lot too.
My Tax refunds came in so for once I am not hurting on money, but at the same time I've been planning on putting most (atleast 85-90%) to paying down my credit debt.
Given current happenings; the temptation to spend it on something to make me "Happy" is very real, but luckily I can't even decide on what that would be if I did decide to suddenly be impulsive. I could put it to upgrade the boat for example, but that's a lot of work especially if I'd have to sell my current one in the process. And I'm not sure I use it enough to warrant the upgrade.
So I'll just sit on a razor's edge and hope nothing else sudden happens I didn't see coming that is of a stressful kind. I have photos to edit to distract me and give myself a purpose... yet I'll still have plenty of nights I just want to escape with friends or bury my head into Fallout 4.
Done with Dating...
Posted 8 years agoMy last Journal was depressing, and I apologize in advance for making one that's even more so; but it needs to be said.
The last two weeks have defiantly tested my emotional limits, both were sudden random things that hit me out of the blue; getting smacked by a car only to get knocked onto the tracks and hit by a freight train from the opposite direction.
Monday night my GirlFriend met me at her house; she had a busy week and I had a busy week. The last time we were together she was very affectionate and we had a wonderful evening seeing a play that her friend was in, and the night before was just as special. This is what makes everything make no sense...
I get to her house and right away I could tell something was wrong. She didn't meet me at the door. I had to come upstairs. The hug was a lot more awkward then usual. Her tone was very different. She avoided a Kiss.
She had me sit down at the table with her, and Dumped me on the spot. She didn't offer a good reason why, and when I asked why she gave very vague answers. In the end all I got from her was "We aren't compatible; I'm sorry..." then gave me the roleplaying books and minis I left over there and showed me the door.
I have no idea what happened. She was happy the previous weekend, I was happy. I felt better about my relationship life then I had for over a year at that moment of time.
Last night, I obviously slept like Shit. I tossed and turned trying to figure out why she had gone from caring to cold as ice I don't want to see you ever again. It didn't make ANY sense.
I... have to move on at this point. I have wonderful friends who were there for me right when I needed them. Thank you, Seriously all of you that offered your support.
I'm ready to move forward. I must move forward. I have friends that rely on me just as much as I rely on them. I learned a valuable lesson over the last month:
It's much easier to Repair a Friendship (and Quickly) then it is to repair a Relationship- especially one that is Rushed.
I'm done with Dating. No more dating web sites, no more Group Dates. It's over. The only thing that's brought is pain later on. Granted, I did gain a friend from 1/3 of my Exes... but... I'm still not sure that is worth it.
I won't shut myself out completely, but at this point any future relationship will form naturally from someone I meet as a Friend first. Almost every one of my friends who are Married or have Meaningful relationships did NOT meet off a dating website or group date. They met at an event, a Convention; they did Volunteer work together... or they just started talking to each other online but with no pressure to be "SOs" right off the bat. You get that with dating.
The odds of finding someone naturally are significantly worse then actively seeking a relationship; but if I learned anything over the last 5 years of my life: Those are the relationships that last.
In the short term, I look to my friends as my social outlet. Yes, not having someone to cuddle and hold sucks; but not nearly as much as what happens when you rush a relationship.
I could magically find someone in three weeks, I could find someone in thirty years, or it will never happen. But at this point, I'm letting Fate be my matchmaker.
Because every other option I've tried has in the end led to bitterness and disappointment...
The last two weeks have defiantly tested my emotional limits, both were sudden random things that hit me out of the blue; getting smacked by a car only to get knocked onto the tracks and hit by a freight train from the opposite direction.
Monday night my GirlFriend met me at her house; she had a busy week and I had a busy week. The last time we were together she was very affectionate and we had a wonderful evening seeing a play that her friend was in, and the night before was just as special. This is what makes everything make no sense...
I get to her house and right away I could tell something was wrong. She didn't meet me at the door. I had to come upstairs. The hug was a lot more awkward then usual. Her tone was very different. She avoided a Kiss.
She had me sit down at the table with her, and Dumped me on the spot. She didn't offer a good reason why, and when I asked why she gave very vague answers. In the end all I got from her was "We aren't compatible; I'm sorry..." then gave me the roleplaying books and minis I left over there and showed me the door.
I have no idea what happened. She was happy the previous weekend, I was happy. I felt better about my relationship life then I had for over a year at that moment of time.
Last night, I obviously slept like Shit. I tossed and turned trying to figure out why she had gone from caring to cold as ice I don't want to see you ever again. It didn't make ANY sense.
I... have to move on at this point. I have wonderful friends who were there for me right when I needed them. Thank you, Seriously all of you that offered your support.
I'm ready to move forward. I must move forward. I have friends that rely on me just as much as I rely on them. I learned a valuable lesson over the last month:
It's much easier to Repair a Friendship (and Quickly) then it is to repair a Relationship- especially one that is Rushed.
I'm done with Dating. No more dating web sites, no more Group Dates. It's over. The only thing that's brought is pain later on. Granted, I did gain a friend from 1/3 of my Exes... but... I'm still not sure that is worth it.
I won't shut myself out completely, but at this point any future relationship will form naturally from someone I meet as a Friend first. Almost every one of my friends who are Married or have Meaningful relationships did NOT meet off a dating website or group date. They met at an event, a Convention; they did Volunteer work together... or they just started talking to each other online but with no pressure to be "SOs" right off the bat. You get that with dating.
The odds of finding someone naturally are significantly worse then actively seeking a relationship; but if I learned anything over the last 5 years of my life: Those are the relationships that last.
In the short term, I look to my friends as my social outlet. Yes, not having someone to cuddle and hold sucks; but not nearly as much as what happens when you rush a relationship.
I could magically find someone in three weeks, I could find someone in thirty years, or it will never happen. But at this point, I'm letting Fate be my matchmaker.
Because every other option I've tried has in the end led to bitterness and disappointment...
To Absent Friends...
Posted 8 years agoToday, for the first time in my 35 years of being on this planet, I found out that one of my friends had passed away suddenly due to a Heart Attack. While he lived three states away and I only got to talk with him a few times a year; it's still a lot to process.
We weren't extremely close, (one of those "I wish we were closer") but distance was a factor with the fact we both led very busy social lives. He still considered me close enough to be one out of 348 people to actively follow on Twitter and occasionally talk to me about Photography which he shared a passing interest in. I knew him mostly through being Staff at Midwest Furfest, where he was a dedicated staff member for as long as I knew him (including the Chairman at one point).
What makes this even harder is he is the first of my "Family that I choose" to pass away... which puts in the back of my mind "Okay who is next...". Sure I've lost Biological Family before, and a few of them it was very hard as well; but this is... different. I hold my friends in a lot of ways on a different level then my family, because they are willing to accept me, a complete stranger, with no obligation to spend time out of their lives to make a bond with.
A little over a year ago, he invited me to a private gathering of friends that he and his Husband put on. There were awkward times yes as I didn't know everyone there, but it was nice to feel accepted into another Family, even if that family was over 350 miles away.
The most heartbreaking thing is I did think about this gathering from two years back mere hours before I found out he had passed away this afternoon. Being the photographer I am, I offered my services to take photos of that event for the time I was there. I have several hundred photos that I dare not look through till I am a little stronger.
I was re-invited this year but was unable to make it because of other plans locally with other friends and my GF. It was a hard choice to make, and part of me wishes I would have made the other choice. Part of me also knows then the news would have been just that much harder...
I saw him in person a few weeks later from that when I decided to go to Chicago for the first MFF staff meeting; and although we talked very breifly I remember that conversation in crisp detail. I had no idea that last minute decision to go down would have a much deeper meaning to me just a few months later.
RIP Takaza. 140 characters on Twitter is not enough to express the loss Myself and a lot of others felt today. Even all the words in this journal cannot describe what its like to loose a Friend.
We weren't extremely close, (one of those "I wish we were closer") but distance was a factor with the fact we both led very busy social lives. He still considered me close enough to be one out of 348 people to actively follow on Twitter and occasionally talk to me about Photography which he shared a passing interest in. I knew him mostly through being Staff at Midwest Furfest, where he was a dedicated staff member for as long as I knew him (including the Chairman at one point).
What makes this even harder is he is the first of my "Family that I choose" to pass away... which puts in the back of my mind "Okay who is next...". Sure I've lost Biological Family before, and a few of them it was very hard as well; but this is... different. I hold my friends in a lot of ways on a different level then my family, because they are willing to accept me, a complete stranger, with no obligation to spend time out of their lives to make a bond with.
A little over a year ago, he invited me to a private gathering of friends that he and his Husband put on. There were awkward times yes as I didn't know everyone there, but it was nice to feel accepted into another Family, even if that family was over 350 miles away.
The most heartbreaking thing is I did think about this gathering from two years back mere hours before I found out he had passed away this afternoon. Being the photographer I am, I offered my services to take photos of that event for the time I was there. I have several hundred photos that I dare not look through till I am a little stronger.
I was re-invited this year but was unable to make it because of other plans locally with other friends and my GF. It was a hard choice to make, and part of me wishes I would have made the other choice. Part of me also knows then the news would have been just that much harder...
I saw him in person a few weeks later from that when I decided to go to Chicago for the first MFF staff meeting; and although we talked very breifly I remember that conversation in crisp detail. I had no idea that last minute decision to go down would have a much deeper meaning to me just a few months later.
RIP Takaza. 140 characters on Twitter is not enough to express the loss Myself and a lot of others felt today. Even all the words in this journal cannot describe what its like to loose a Friend.
Another year around the Sun and getting back to "Normal"
Posted 8 years agoIn a few days I turn 35, half way through my 30's and I'm doing okay. I have a reasonably steady (albiet boring) job, means of feeding a passion in Photography, a steady relationship which continues to grow stronger, and a number of really awesome friends. I was reminded of all this weekend with a small Birthday gathering at a local Mongolian Grill place.
Yes my country is a mess right now, it really is. But I'm not going to dwell on things I cannot change. I will not totally tuck my tail between my legs and Submit but I'm also no Freedom Fighter. So I have to live the rest of my life for the communities I can influence, for my SO, and all of my friends. I need to focus on providing and protecting for them right now.
In other news I'm still toning back on my Videography to the point where I've sold both of my Main Video cameras that still held a good amount of value for more Photography gear.
Yes, the Fandom needs more videographers but I realized two things: I'm still first and Foremost a Photographer. This is what I'm passionate about. This is what I am good at. This is what I'm known for.
And secondly I was throwing way too much gear at video thinking that "Better Gear" would make up for my weaknesses as a Videographer. Just like Photography: It does not.
I'm still keeping a $500 handcam which is the last video camera I bought. Its small, discreet and you know what, it takes really good video. If I ever get back into video that camera plus an external battery pack and my shoulder rig is plenty. I don't need anything more.
There's a lot of great videographers in the Fandom taking video with Go Pros, iPhones and handcams; and for awhile I was kinda snorting at them. But you know what; they're sticking with one thing and it Works.
Unlike photography where you can get away with using different brands of cameras, its a lot harder to get away with it in Video. Get one rig and stick with it. Don't try and switch cameras, it just makes the consistency of the work go all over the place.
For now, my Video work is still on Hiatus. I deleted part of my profile for what video cameras I have because at the end of the day, other then my Panasonic V770 and maybe my HDV cameras I'm not sure what gear I will have left, or what I will even be using should I decide to go back.
I have to spend a lot of time practicing and re-learning Videography before I feel comfortable posting anything to my YouTube account again. I'm not taking anything down- it's still good as a reference for my failings and there are still some good memories buried in those videos I uploaded.
The next con I'll be at (FurSquared in under two weeks) I'll be staff in Photography again. So my focus will be on taking stills and not video... as much as that convention has some fantastic moments for Videography. I'm hired to do what I do best which is capturing freeze frames, not wobbly shaky moving pictures.
As it stands I make enough of a contribution to the Fandom and Society in general by providing my Photography skills to Conventions and Non-Profit groups free of charge. It gives me a sense of purpose, which is something a lot of us REALLY need right now.
Yes my country is a mess right now, it really is. But I'm not going to dwell on things I cannot change. I will not totally tuck my tail between my legs and Submit but I'm also no Freedom Fighter. So I have to live the rest of my life for the communities I can influence, for my SO, and all of my friends. I need to focus on providing and protecting for them right now.
In other news I'm still toning back on my Videography to the point where I've sold both of my Main Video cameras that still held a good amount of value for more Photography gear.
Yes, the Fandom needs more videographers but I realized two things: I'm still first and Foremost a Photographer. This is what I'm passionate about. This is what I am good at. This is what I'm known for.
And secondly I was throwing way too much gear at video thinking that "Better Gear" would make up for my weaknesses as a Videographer. Just like Photography: It does not.
I'm still keeping a $500 handcam which is the last video camera I bought. Its small, discreet and you know what, it takes really good video. If I ever get back into video that camera plus an external battery pack and my shoulder rig is plenty. I don't need anything more.
There's a lot of great videographers in the Fandom taking video with Go Pros, iPhones and handcams; and for awhile I was kinda snorting at them. But you know what; they're sticking with one thing and it Works.
Unlike photography where you can get away with using different brands of cameras, its a lot harder to get away with it in Video. Get one rig and stick with it. Don't try and switch cameras, it just makes the consistency of the work go all over the place.
For now, my Video work is still on Hiatus. I deleted part of my profile for what video cameras I have because at the end of the day, other then my Panasonic V770 and maybe my HDV cameras I'm not sure what gear I will have left, or what I will even be using should I decide to go back.
I have to spend a lot of time practicing and re-learning Videography before I feel comfortable posting anything to my YouTube account again. I'm not taking anything down- it's still good as a reference for my failings and there are still some good memories buried in those videos I uploaded.
The next con I'll be at (FurSquared in under two weeks) I'll be staff in Photography again. So my focus will be on taking stills and not video... as much as that convention has some fantastic moments for Videography. I'm hired to do what I do best which is capturing freeze frames, not wobbly shaky moving pictures.
As it stands I make enough of a contribution to the Fandom and Society in general by providing my Photography skills to Conventions and Non-Profit groups free of charge. It gives me a sense of purpose, which is something a lot of us REALLY need right now.
Trying to move on.
Posted 8 years agoI am, I really am. This week sucked. The future of the country I live in is questionable.
I've got friends and a strong Relationship and that is the ONLY thing keeping me going at this point and not becoming a Hermit and moving as far away from Civilization as I can go right now, because believe me that thought has crossed my mind and is very tempting...
I'm trying to focus on Positive things, but its going to take time. This journal will stay right here for awhile till I've got something positive to talk about. The header on my Journal stays. We'll pull through this, somehow...
I need Support right now not Criticism. That is all.
I've got friends and a strong Relationship and that is the ONLY thing keeping me going at this point and not becoming a Hermit and moving as far away from Civilization as I can go right now, because believe me that thought has crossed my mind and is very tempting...
I'm trying to focus on Positive things, but its going to take time. This journal will stay right here for awhile till I've got something positive to talk about. The header on my Journal stays. We'll pull through this, somehow...
I need Support right now not Criticism. That is all.
Rebellions are built on Hope
Posted 8 years agoThis election has Divided the citizens of the US, and the replies to my last post that I had to lock down (and delete) are further proof of this. There is no denying it, we are one nation Divided in Hate, Divided in Fear right now... I never thought I'd have to live through this dark chapter of history but it looks like I am stuck here along with so many.
Star Wars (oddly enough) said it best. "Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear Leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate leads to Suffering".
There is much to be afraid of, the Dark Side is strong right now. They want us to be Afraid. They want us to be divided, and if you reply trying to dispute this with me you've only made my point all that much stronger.
I have many friends who are of different races, Religions, and Sexual preferences. Its easy to say "oh you are a White Straight Male so you are unaffected by the policies set forth by the current administration", and that is where you would be wrong. Maybe it doesn't affect me, but if it affects my Friends its the same as affecting me. If a Law is passed to register all Mexican Americans and all Transgenders it will still trickle down and affect me even if I wouldn't need to become registered myself.
But there is Hope, in the Darkest of Hours there is always Hope. Those who dwell in the Fear are Dead to me as of this point forward.
I have no room in my life for Hate and Fear of any kind. No room for hate/fear of Public Healthcare. No room for hate/fear of different Religions, Minority Groups or sexual preferences. No room for anything that the Alt Right stands for.
I've made a statement at the top of my Profile, and that statement will remain there as long as it needs to; at Minimum the duration of the current POTUS/ his VP's term of power.
This is me declaring my solidarity against the powers to be. I've never been one to walk in Protests and risk getting maced, but I have a feeling that might change. I'm not one to Riot, I would only participate in a peaceful protest. That time may come very soon...
In the past I've fancied myself as more of a Star Trek nerd then a Star Wars fan. But Star Wars is so appropriate to the current political climate, and in some ways gives some of us Hope. Hope that a small group of Rebels can overthrow or change the course of History from a Corrupt and Evil Empire.
I have no time to deal with poisonous insults to my way of life. I'm done "Accepting" Fear and Hatred in all forms.
Star Wars (oddly enough) said it best. "Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear Leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate leads to Suffering".
There is much to be afraid of, the Dark Side is strong right now. They want us to be Afraid. They want us to be divided, and if you reply trying to dispute this with me you've only made my point all that much stronger.
I have many friends who are of different races, Religions, and Sexual preferences. Its easy to say "oh you are a White Straight Male so you are unaffected by the policies set forth by the current administration", and that is where you would be wrong. Maybe it doesn't affect me, but if it affects my Friends its the same as affecting me. If a Law is passed to register all Mexican Americans and all Transgenders it will still trickle down and affect me even if I wouldn't need to become registered myself.
But there is Hope, in the Darkest of Hours there is always Hope. Those who dwell in the Fear are Dead to me as of this point forward.
I have no room in my life for Hate and Fear of any kind. No room for hate/fear of Public Healthcare. No room for hate/fear of different Religions, Minority Groups or sexual preferences. No room for anything that the Alt Right stands for.
I've made a statement at the top of my Profile, and that statement will remain there as long as it needs to; at Minimum the duration of the current POTUS/ his VP's term of power.
This is me declaring my solidarity against the powers to be. I've never been one to walk in Protests and risk getting maced, but I have a feeling that might change. I'm not one to Riot, I would only participate in a peaceful protest. That time may come very soon...
In the past I've fancied myself as more of a Star Trek nerd then a Star Wars fan. But Star Wars is so appropriate to the current political climate, and in some ways gives some of us Hope. Hope that a small group of Rebels can overthrow or change the course of History from a Corrupt and Evil Empire.
I have no time to deal with poisonous insults to my way of life. I'm done "Accepting" Fear and Hatred in all forms.
2016: The year of Hell, but I got a happy Ending
Posted 9 years agoWhile there are still a few days left in 2016; I'm more then ready to call 2016 a wrap and move forward to 2017 at this point. So much shit happened in 2016 (A lot of bad stuff but a few good things) that it would be pages of stuff if I went into every thing that happened in 2016 in detail. So I'm going to keep it to the 10,000 foot view and even then I expect it to be a sizeable post.
And I'm going to keep this 100% personal, as in things that I directly had a hand in. I'm not going to cover how the US and the World for that matter went to Hell this year with Politics and such... that is a full different conversation that makes me depressed, and there is a lot less I can do about it. So I won't dwell...
The first big bump was the rockiness of my involvement with
mnfurs Without going into details I became stressed; it ate a lot of my time and I felt a lot of my efforts were falling short from what I wanted to see happen.
So I got pretty discouraged. I even got a little biter over it too. I stepped away from being a Board Director, I finished my term but did not run for re-election because I had become too burnt out. This was likely the start of my unraveling and affected a few other things too.
Next, was re-finding my place in the two Furry conventions I staff; changing my role by Choice on one convention and having my hand Forced on another. In the end, I am happy with where I am now at with both cons and needed the change, but the process of getting here was painful...
I switched tracks at the first con I ever staffed, Midwest Furfest, where I was head of their gaming department for nearly a Decade. Which is a very long time. The stress I had from being on the BoD of MNFurs combined with other things left me super stressed at the end of the 2015 con. I was reverting to my angry pessimistic former self at the con and I didn't like it. MFF Means a lot to me, which meant I still wanted to continue to help out; and I was provided a chance to switch into their Photography department, and I jumped at it.
Not going to lie, the Photography bit at MFF, for as established of a con as it is needs a little work. I took the position knowing fully well I'd have to deal with being short staffed for a year while I transitioned into the flow of things. I'm quite capable of pulling long hours with little assistance. I've done it for other cons and events (and yes, even as Photography where I'm the Sole Event Photographer).
In the end, everything worked out fine, and I was less stressed this year at MFF then I had been last year in spite of being more of a Lone Wolf. I can work this way, but I do enjoy seeing what a team can do.
When I got involved with the Gaming Department at MFF it was tiny and very disorganized. It was low on everyone's radar, not many cared that we existed. Looking back at where I left gaming, in good hands with a strong head (my second from day one) and solid team I can be very proud of that accomplishment.
I'd like to help develop and grow Photography at MFF into the same sort of well-oiled department if given the opportunity. The same sort of Well-Oiled machine the Gaming department became, this is my Goal. And like gaming, it may take a few years to help shape this; I know this.
MFF will soon be the biggest furry con in the world, so there is no reason not to expect the best from Photography. I'm excited for the possibilities.
Then there was Furry Migration. Long story short without naming names or going into detail; there was Drama. There was Bridges Burned, and in its wake a number of people I no longer trust as much on a personal level (nor probably will for the foreseeable future...). There was a huge explosion of Drama before the con and repercussions after that forced my hand into having a decision made for me of "where I can help out at the con".
TLDR; in the long run I got what I wanted, and am happy where I ended up. But my personality absolutely hates decisions made by someone for me.
I can take some pride that the Photography Department at FM is becoming the same well-oiled machine that the gaming department at Midwest Furfest became. There is nothing wrong with being the person who just adds the oil to keep that machine running vs throwing parts at something until it starts working. I have that challenge with two other conventions... so I should realize I don't need to be always the one building the machine; keeping it running is just as important, even if its less exciting at times.
And finally, relationship stuff. I've done individual posts on the different Phases I went through with my relationship status this year. TLDR; I went from having a LTR for two years to being all over the place. I'm not going to point fingers at anyone (Including myself, because believe me I made a LOT of Mistakes too and could have handled things a lot differently) other then saying going from having a LTR to being single, to having a crush on someone, being rejected Twice and THEN going back to having a LTR at the end of the year was absolute Hell.
My relationship life stood on a razer edge until just very recently. I was ready to say "Three Strikes, I'm done..." but gave it one more chance. It came down to the wire, but sticking in there paid off.
It has a happy ending however (I Hope...), as things have been going very well with my current GF. She's not a Fur, whether or not that will change in time is yet to be seen, but more importantly she knows about my involvement in the Fandom and she is not scared off by it. I'm not going to push it any further then that.
In addition, I made new Friends this year. Some of whom I don't hang out with that often, but making that connection is enough. I had some wonderful lifetime experiences this summer, and even if they became laced with relationship Drama; that doesn't make them any less memorable or enjoyable.
I don't know where the future will lie with my relationship nor with anything else, but as of right now it's all looking pretty bright for me, personally; which is good since a lot of things around me are turning to shit.
2017 will be focusing on improving myself and the small scale, that is paying more attention to those who are close to me (My GF, my Friends.). It may sound a little selfish, but I still have my hand in enough Volunteer activities and can still take pride in making a single cog in a machine work and grind flawlessly vs trying to hammer the entire machine into submission so it starts working together. I'm not cut out to be a Big Picture sort of guy; and there's nothing wrong with that.
To put in an Anaogly of Photography (since that is what I'm focusing on...) I'm switching from a Wide Angle Lens to a Telephoto. I'm switching my focus from a broader view to one more precise and more specific. When your working on the big picture, the little details get missed; so having someone who zooms in on the smaller parts and makes that little piece their entire world is very important.
It's a shift, I'm still adjusting to it. But I've learned I still have plenty of challenges awaiting me, and a lot to look forward in the year to come.
Stick a fork in 2016. It had its memorable moments but now its almost done... and it became a little overcooked and burnt in the process. I'm ready to move on to better things in 2017.
And I'm going to keep this 100% personal, as in things that I directly had a hand in. I'm not going to cover how the US and the World for that matter went to Hell this year with Politics and such... that is a full different conversation that makes me depressed, and there is a lot less I can do about it. So I won't dwell...
The first big bump was the rockiness of my involvement with
mnfurs Without going into details I became stressed; it ate a lot of my time and I felt a lot of my efforts were falling short from what I wanted to see happen. So I got pretty discouraged. I even got a little biter over it too. I stepped away from being a Board Director, I finished my term but did not run for re-election because I had become too burnt out. This was likely the start of my unraveling and affected a few other things too.
Next, was re-finding my place in the two Furry conventions I staff; changing my role by Choice on one convention and having my hand Forced on another. In the end, I am happy with where I am now at with both cons and needed the change, but the process of getting here was painful...
I switched tracks at the first con I ever staffed, Midwest Furfest, where I was head of their gaming department for nearly a Decade. Which is a very long time. The stress I had from being on the BoD of MNFurs combined with other things left me super stressed at the end of the 2015 con. I was reverting to my angry pessimistic former self at the con and I didn't like it. MFF Means a lot to me, which meant I still wanted to continue to help out; and I was provided a chance to switch into their Photography department, and I jumped at it.
Not going to lie, the Photography bit at MFF, for as established of a con as it is needs a little work. I took the position knowing fully well I'd have to deal with being short staffed for a year while I transitioned into the flow of things. I'm quite capable of pulling long hours with little assistance. I've done it for other cons and events (and yes, even as Photography where I'm the Sole Event Photographer).
In the end, everything worked out fine, and I was less stressed this year at MFF then I had been last year in spite of being more of a Lone Wolf. I can work this way, but I do enjoy seeing what a team can do.
When I got involved with the Gaming Department at MFF it was tiny and very disorganized. It was low on everyone's radar, not many cared that we existed. Looking back at where I left gaming, in good hands with a strong head (my second from day one) and solid team I can be very proud of that accomplishment.
I'd like to help develop and grow Photography at MFF into the same sort of well-oiled department if given the opportunity. The same sort of Well-Oiled machine the Gaming department became, this is my Goal. And like gaming, it may take a few years to help shape this; I know this.
MFF will soon be the biggest furry con in the world, so there is no reason not to expect the best from Photography. I'm excited for the possibilities.
Then there was Furry Migration. Long story short without naming names or going into detail; there was Drama. There was Bridges Burned, and in its wake a number of people I no longer trust as much on a personal level (nor probably will for the foreseeable future...). There was a huge explosion of Drama before the con and repercussions after that forced my hand into having a decision made for me of "where I can help out at the con".
TLDR; in the long run I got what I wanted, and am happy where I ended up. But my personality absolutely hates decisions made by someone for me.
I can take some pride that the Photography Department at FM is becoming the same well-oiled machine that the gaming department at Midwest Furfest became. There is nothing wrong with being the person who just adds the oil to keep that machine running vs throwing parts at something until it starts working. I have that challenge with two other conventions... so I should realize I don't need to be always the one building the machine; keeping it running is just as important, even if its less exciting at times.
And finally, relationship stuff. I've done individual posts on the different Phases I went through with my relationship status this year. TLDR; I went from having a LTR for two years to being all over the place. I'm not going to point fingers at anyone (Including myself, because believe me I made a LOT of Mistakes too and could have handled things a lot differently) other then saying going from having a LTR to being single, to having a crush on someone, being rejected Twice and THEN going back to having a LTR at the end of the year was absolute Hell.
My relationship life stood on a razer edge until just very recently. I was ready to say "Three Strikes, I'm done..." but gave it one more chance. It came down to the wire, but sticking in there paid off.
It has a happy ending however (I Hope...), as things have been going very well with my current GF. She's not a Fur, whether or not that will change in time is yet to be seen, but more importantly she knows about my involvement in the Fandom and she is not scared off by it. I'm not going to push it any further then that.
In addition, I made new Friends this year. Some of whom I don't hang out with that often, but making that connection is enough. I had some wonderful lifetime experiences this summer, and even if they became laced with relationship Drama; that doesn't make them any less memorable or enjoyable.
I don't know where the future will lie with my relationship nor with anything else, but as of right now it's all looking pretty bright for me, personally; which is good since a lot of things around me are turning to shit.
2017 will be focusing on improving myself and the small scale, that is paying more attention to those who are close to me (My GF, my Friends.). It may sound a little selfish, but I still have my hand in enough Volunteer activities and can still take pride in making a single cog in a machine work and grind flawlessly vs trying to hammer the entire machine into submission so it starts working together. I'm not cut out to be a Big Picture sort of guy; and there's nothing wrong with that.
To put in an Anaogly of Photography (since that is what I'm focusing on...) I'm switching from a Wide Angle Lens to a Telephoto. I'm switching my focus from a broader view to one more precise and more specific. When your working on the big picture, the little details get missed; so having someone who zooms in on the smaller parts and makes that little piece their entire world is very important.
It's a shift, I'm still adjusting to it. But I've learned I still have plenty of challenges awaiting me, and a lot to look forward in the year to come.
Stick a fork in 2016. It had its memorable moments but now its almost done... and it became a little overcooked and burnt in the process. I'm ready to move on to better things in 2017.
There is Always Hope
Posted 9 years agoPutting something else up for my journal since the subject of the last one is very depressing. I am still very afraid, if not for myself but for a lot of my friends for what the trainwreck of the last Election (or Brexit for that matter for any of my UK friends) may bring. History repeats itself, mankind tends to "forget" important lessons as a whole.
But not everyone is a sheep, there are still some good people out there. Those are whom make life worth living and gives us Hope to press on. It gives us something to cherish, and something to Protect when called upon.
I tend to be the glass half empty sort of person. I always see the worst possible outcome to a situation first. I'm terrified at how horrible the Worst Case Scenarios of the November US election are because they are pretty damn Ugly.
Over the last few weeks I've realized I can't dwell on these Doomsday scenarios. Even if they COULD happen, I need to live my life as I have been until something comes to directly threaten myself or my friends. I am not a freedom fighter, as much as I romanticize it. I have far too many people I hold dear to risk my life unless in doing so is protecting them. And that day may come...
But for right now, I have to live for the present. Not for the potential Neo-Nuclear Apocalypse or Civil War torn battlefield which have not happened yet. I am not a time traveler, I can not forecast what will happen in the future nor can I prevent said events from happening even if I did. There are so many possible outcomes to anything. A miracle can still happen.
Some good has come out of the last year and I need to focus on THIS to keep me going. I've made new friends, which is hard to do as an adult; for every friendship I've strained this year I have made up with or made a new friend for easily 2 or 3 to 1.
It looks like I may have a happy ending to the year relationship wise, and this is something I can't take for granted. Infact it should be something taken to heart for the rest of the crazyiness that is going on in this world right now.
I was ready to give up; I had my heart tore out three times in one year, which is a lot to bear. I was ready to give up on being in any kind of relationship for several years when she found me. It hasn't been long enough to really know where it will go... but I found someone who likes me for me. I'm not going to look a gifthorse in the mouth nor repeat the same mistakes I've made before. Second chances are nothing to be taken lightly.
And maybe that's what all of us need to focus on right now. There is always Hope. Second Chances can happen no matter how hard you failed at something and how much you messed up; whether its on a personal level or as a Nation as a whole. Its just a matter of knowing when they appear and not taking them for granted and letting them slip by.
I do hope that we are all given a second chance, because that is what is keeping me going right now.
But I can't dwell on decisions that were made for me. I have my own life to live. I have a Convention that needs me as Staff in Two weeks, in a position new to me. I need to step up my game and not sulk in a corner mumbling about how the world is going to end; because that will let a lot of people down.
I may not make life or death decisions, but I still may make a decision which will inspire someone to smile and have a reason for fighting the good fight and not crawling into a corner or a bottle and giving up. And maybe this is just as important....
But not everyone is a sheep, there are still some good people out there. Those are whom make life worth living and gives us Hope to press on. It gives us something to cherish, and something to Protect when called upon.
I tend to be the glass half empty sort of person. I always see the worst possible outcome to a situation first. I'm terrified at how horrible the Worst Case Scenarios of the November US election are because they are pretty damn Ugly.
Over the last few weeks I've realized I can't dwell on these Doomsday scenarios. Even if they COULD happen, I need to live my life as I have been until something comes to directly threaten myself or my friends. I am not a freedom fighter, as much as I romanticize it. I have far too many people I hold dear to risk my life unless in doing so is protecting them. And that day may come...
But for right now, I have to live for the present. Not for the potential Neo-Nuclear Apocalypse or Civil War torn battlefield which have not happened yet. I am not a time traveler, I can not forecast what will happen in the future nor can I prevent said events from happening even if I did. There are so many possible outcomes to anything. A miracle can still happen.
Some good has come out of the last year and I need to focus on THIS to keep me going. I've made new friends, which is hard to do as an adult; for every friendship I've strained this year I have made up with or made a new friend for easily 2 or 3 to 1.
It looks like I may have a happy ending to the year relationship wise, and this is something I can't take for granted. Infact it should be something taken to heart for the rest of the crazyiness that is going on in this world right now.
I was ready to give up; I had my heart tore out three times in one year, which is a lot to bear. I was ready to give up on being in any kind of relationship for several years when she found me. It hasn't been long enough to really know where it will go... but I found someone who likes me for me. I'm not going to look a gifthorse in the mouth nor repeat the same mistakes I've made before. Second chances are nothing to be taken lightly.
And maybe that's what all of us need to focus on right now. There is always Hope. Second Chances can happen no matter how hard you failed at something and how much you messed up; whether its on a personal level or as a Nation as a whole. Its just a matter of knowing when they appear and not taking them for granted and letting them slip by.
I do hope that we are all given a second chance, because that is what is keeping me going right now.
But I can't dwell on decisions that were made for me. I have my own life to live. I have a Convention that needs me as Staff in Two weeks, in a position new to me. I need to step up my game and not sulk in a corner mumbling about how the world is going to end; because that will let a lot of people down.
I may not make life or death decisions, but I still may make a decision which will inspire someone to smile and have a reason for fighting the good fight and not crawling into a corner or a bottle and giving up. And maybe this is just as important....
United in Defeat
Posted 9 years agoSince the Drama and Tensions are high right now regarding the Election, let me start off by saying something perfectly clear: If you go for the throat and try to defend Trump and bash my PoV I WILL delete your comment. Don't take it personally, and I'm not going to Block you (You still have the right to your beliefs); however its not what I nor a lot of people need to hear right now. Please don't even bother, spend your words on someone else...
I'm going to say I'm terrified. I now truely believe that I will live through a second US Civil War and it's already started. I took a full day off work to think about this... about what may come. But I realized there is only so much I can do.
Half of my family are on the verge of disowning the other half because they want this Vision of White Straight Only Oppressed Trump America to become a reality. Thankfully, my Parents and I are on the same side who accepts everyone of any Race, Religion, Creed or Sexual orientation and not on the side who wants to revert things before the first Civil war where Slavery was legal and the woman's place was below her man and NOT beside it.
But in this Dark time, it has taught me one thing: Those whom share values are going to bond together and become closer in this hour of need. I'm closer to having a real relationship again because we are both terrified of everything that may come... and both needed someone to hold yesterday.
Any personal greivences I have with ANYONE seem extremely petty at this point since Civil war is a very real scenario within the next 4 years...
If you have a personal greivance with me (or I with you), talk to me. I'm willing to work it out. If you stand for Equality, that is ALL you have to believe in to be my friend right now. I'm not going to hold any personal grudges with anyone who believes in Freedom and Equality. We need to band together now more then ever. We need to become the United Majority again. America needs to become the Land of the Free for ALL again; Not the "Land of the Free for ONLY Straight White People"
Going forward: my family are those who I choose to be close to, and those who choose to be close to me, who share the same values and Ethics, whether I was "born into" or not. It goes far beyond who I was born as Family at this point, but I can be Thankful my parents are on the same side.
If I had no friends, no Family on my side of the great divide; I'd become a Hermit and get as far away from Civilization for 4 years as I could. But people rely on me, and I rely on them; so shutting myself off or moving to another country simply isn't an option; but I won't blame anyone who takes this course of action.
All I can do is stay safe, and be comitted to my Friends. We are going to be leaning on and relying on each other a lot more over these troubled times. Be thankful for what we have and more importantly WHO we have still in our lives.
Knowing this makes up for all the people who are going to slander, block, or hate me for the fact that I don't want White Straight America to become a reality.
There may become a time where it will be hard to prove my loyalties simply because I happen to BE White, Male and Straight. But this is how I was born, I don't have much choice in the matter, but NOT how I feel the country should forced to be.
I have friends of many different ethnicities and religions. I have a lot of friends who are Gay, Bi and even a few who are Trans. I am NOT going to shut anyone out even if it becomes "Law". No matter what happens over the next few years: We are all Humans. Everyone has the same right to have a normal and hate free life.
Freedom isn't Free. The next 4 years will be proof of this. And Freedom is for EVERYONE, not just White America. These were the values this country were founded. It will take some time, but eventually they'll be found again.
For me, I plan on defending my friends even if it means having to take a few hits for them. Luckily, I live in a Blue state so I am a lot better off then a lot of people are right now. I can be thankful for that.
We will get through this, but its not going to be easy. It may take another generation to pass away before things change back to a progressive path towards Freedom again; but this is not the End.
I'm going to say I'm terrified. I now truely believe that I will live through a second US Civil War and it's already started. I took a full day off work to think about this... about what may come. But I realized there is only so much I can do.
Half of my family are on the verge of disowning the other half because they want this Vision of White Straight Only Oppressed Trump America to become a reality. Thankfully, my Parents and I are on the same side who accepts everyone of any Race, Religion, Creed or Sexual orientation and not on the side who wants to revert things before the first Civil war where Slavery was legal and the woman's place was below her man and NOT beside it.
But in this Dark time, it has taught me one thing: Those whom share values are going to bond together and become closer in this hour of need. I'm closer to having a real relationship again because we are both terrified of everything that may come... and both needed someone to hold yesterday.
Any personal greivences I have with ANYONE seem extremely petty at this point since Civil war is a very real scenario within the next 4 years...
If you have a personal greivance with me (or I with you), talk to me. I'm willing to work it out. If you stand for Equality, that is ALL you have to believe in to be my friend right now. I'm not going to hold any personal grudges with anyone who believes in Freedom and Equality. We need to band together now more then ever. We need to become the United Majority again. America needs to become the Land of the Free for ALL again; Not the "Land of the Free for ONLY Straight White People"
Going forward: my family are those who I choose to be close to, and those who choose to be close to me, who share the same values and Ethics, whether I was "born into" or not. It goes far beyond who I was born as Family at this point, but I can be Thankful my parents are on the same side.
If I had no friends, no Family on my side of the great divide; I'd become a Hermit and get as far away from Civilization for 4 years as I could. But people rely on me, and I rely on them; so shutting myself off or moving to another country simply isn't an option; but I won't blame anyone who takes this course of action.
All I can do is stay safe, and be comitted to my Friends. We are going to be leaning on and relying on each other a lot more over these troubled times. Be thankful for what we have and more importantly WHO we have still in our lives.
Knowing this makes up for all the people who are going to slander, block, or hate me for the fact that I don't want White Straight America to become a reality.
There may become a time where it will be hard to prove my loyalties simply because I happen to BE White, Male and Straight. But this is how I was born, I don't have much choice in the matter, but NOT how I feel the country should forced to be.
I have friends of many different ethnicities and religions. I have a lot of friends who are Gay, Bi and even a few who are Trans. I am NOT going to shut anyone out even if it becomes "Law". No matter what happens over the next few years: We are all Humans. Everyone has the same right to have a normal and hate free life.
Freedom isn't Free. The next 4 years will be proof of this. And Freedom is for EVERYONE, not just White America. These were the values this country were founded. It will take some time, but eventually they'll be found again.
For me, I plan on defending my friends even if it means having to take a few hits for them. Luckily, I live in a Blue state so I am a lot better off then a lot of people are right now. I can be thankful for that.
We will get through this, but its not going to be easy. It may take another generation to pass away before things change back to a progressive path towards Freedom again; but this is not the End.
One Last Shot
Posted 9 years agoSo to followup to the last Journal... If there is one thing I've learned over the course of my life is that Fate is a strange beast. It will taunt you, break you, and then when you're ready to just give up, move on, walk away...
It decides to reward you...
So I got back from Anime Fusion last weekend and something unprecedented happened. I got contacted on the Dating sites I'm on by three gals at the same time.
One was nice but not really my type (though had she been the only one who contacted me I might have seen where it went..) one was downright Crazy and was sending red flags up left and right. But the other...
This is where things get even more interesting. Apparently she talked to me years ago before I met my Ex. At the time I was far too shy to ask her out- this was back before I had any real dating experience to speak of. So the Conversation ended, we went our own ways, dated different people, and this week it came Full Circle.
I was a little embarrassed that I didn't remember her, but at the same time was flattered that she remembered me.
She's nerdy, geeky, a hardcore tabletop and Pen and Paper RPGer. It wasn't hard to figure out why I had shown an interest in her before many years ago, especially at that time when I was a very hard core gamer.
I didn't have to repeat myself about the Furry thing either, she brought it up "Oh yeah, you were the one who was into the Furry thing and went to the Convention in Chicago every year" "...yeah... I guess that would have been me D:". No Malice, spite or hesitation IE "I'm not really sure about that.." on her tone when she said it either. It felt... refreshing not to have to get up on a soapbox and explain "Why Furry isn't as Sick and Twisted as the Media portrays us as".
We went on a date on Tuesday. It went incredibly well; we've been talking daily since. I'm not holding my breath, and I told her the most important thing is to make Friends, and that I don't want someone who is holding something back or trying to change who they are to make me happy. I want genuine, sincere, honest; and she seems to want the same thing.
I'm not holding my breath; I know what it's like to be rejected or feel not wanted after one date, a few dates or strung out over a longer period of time... Infact the wound is still very fresh from the gal I dated a month ago who was very much not being who she really was in an attempt to "see the other side of me". That hurt, a lot.
But I'm giving this one last shot. If this doesn't work out... I'm taking a LONG break from dating for sure. And if it does... I'll have learned another important lesson in life:
That sometimes you need to be pushed to the edge, you need to have Failure and disappointment; and just when you are defeated and ready to throw in the white flag to surrender: Fate intervenes and gives you the very reward you've been seeking and fighting for.
Again... I'm not holding my breath. But it feels really good to have Hope again. This year has been a very defining year for me; and I'm looking for that happy ending. Maybe I'll actually get it...
It decides to reward you...
So I got back from Anime Fusion last weekend and something unprecedented happened. I got contacted on the Dating sites I'm on by three gals at the same time.
One was nice but not really my type (though had she been the only one who contacted me I might have seen where it went..) one was downright Crazy and was sending red flags up left and right. But the other...
This is where things get even more interesting. Apparently she talked to me years ago before I met my Ex. At the time I was far too shy to ask her out- this was back before I had any real dating experience to speak of. So the Conversation ended, we went our own ways, dated different people, and this week it came Full Circle.
I was a little embarrassed that I didn't remember her, but at the same time was flattered that she remembered me.
She's nerdy, geeky, a hardcore tabletop and Pen and Paper RPGer. It wasn't hard to figure out why I had shown an interest in her before many years ago, especially at that time when I was a very hard core gamer.
I didn't have to repeat myself about the Furry thing either, she brought it up "Oh yeah, you were the one who was into the Furry thing and went to the Convention in Chicago every year" "...yeah... I guess that would have been me D:". No Malice, spite or hesitation IE "I'm not really sure about that.." on her tone when she said it either. It felt... refreshing not to have to get up on a soapbox and explain "Why Furry isn't as Sick and Twisted as the Media portrays us as".
We went on a date on Tuesday. It went incredibly well; we've been talking daily since. I'm not holding my breath, and I told her the most important thing is to make Friends, and that I don't want someone who is holding something back or trying to change who they are to make me happy. I want genuine, sincere, honest; and she seems to want the same thing.
I'm not holding my breath; I know what it's like to be rejected or feel not wanted after one date, a few dates or strung out over a longer period of time... Infact the wound is still very fresh from the gal I dated a month ago who was very much not being who she really was in an attempt to "see the other side of me". That hurt, a lot.
But I'm giving this one last shot. If this doesn't work out... I'm taking a LONG break from dating for sure. And if it does... I'll have learned another important lesson in life:
That sometimes you need to be pushed to the edge, you need to have Failure and disappointment; and just when you are defeated and ready to throw in the white flag to surrender: Fate intervenes and gives you the very reward you've been seeking and fighting for.
Again... I'm not holding my breath. But it feels really good to have Hope again. This year has been a very defining year for me; and I'm looking for that happy ending. Maybe I'll actually get it...
Relationship Status: Just looking for Friends
Posted 9 years agoI could make this a long, angsty depressing Journal, but I'm not. I'm only putting it here to say "I acknowledge this happened and its time to re-focus and move on". That's all I'm looking for really, closure and to acknowledge the change. I'm not going to point fingers or blame at anyone other then myself.
Since Spring of this year, my Relationship live has been very rocky.
faelyncypher and I broke up in May, and I feel no reason to say more then that nor go into the details. I will say it wasn't an abusive "I never want to see you again" type of breakup and we have resolved it to the point we can still remain Friends.
Following that, I had a crush on someone else in the Furry Fandom. I'm not going to say who it is, because I don't need Drama here. I chased her for a few months; became friends with her friends, and spent a LOT of time with her over this summer, only to in the end get rejected, and burned out of some money I am not asking for nor expecting to get back. I'm just moving on...
But, that isn't the end of the story. Right after that fell apart, I met someone on the same Online dating site. We seemed to have a lot of common and at first she really seemed to like me. She even kissed me, on the lips, which has only happened with one other gal before. She went to our Fall Picnic and seemed to have a really good time and was on the verge of "converting" to become a furry, though I have a hunch now she was only doing that to make me happy.
She Dumped me this Sat as I was on a trip up North with friends. I did see it coming though, for two reasons: One she was... how do I put it... a lot more "open minded" about certain things then I was. And Two, which I really consider it to be the dealbreaker and I know it... I honestly wasn't over the gal I had a crush on this summer... nor was I fully prepared to comit after failing that commitment earlier this year with my only long term relationship I've had.
In short, I'm not ready for another relationship; and it shows. Unless the conditions were absolutely perfect IE Star Crossed Lovers, I'm going to be a really tough guy to be someone's BF for right now, I'm still kinda a mess. There are a lot of things I need to work on personally before I can really attempt looking for another date. I'm really not Dateable material right now. In a year or two, maybe.
But, there is some light to all of this, unrelated but related at the same time. This year I have also done something that is extremely hard as an Adult to do and that is make new friends. Before this year, my pool of new friends stagnated. I wasn't able to "hang out" as often as I had only a small pool of people I could call on to talk with and do stuff with. That's starting to change.
As I mentioned before, I was up North on a Weekend trip with some local friends, all of whom I've known for at the longest two years. I really enjoyed this weekend. In addition, earlier this week I met three new friends and played board and card games after work. I haven't opened up to new people as much as I did that night for a REALLY long time. It felt really, really good.
So with life you get your bumps and bruises, just like the really annoying bruise I have on my pinky toe right now from getting the nail caught in my jean's pant leg earlier this morning... (Walking kinda sucks right now..)
But, you also have opportunities, and I realize this now. You rarely get second chances on these opportunities either if you let them pass by.
My fluxx of Relationship issues over the last year made me a little jaded. And when it happened, I never took it out on my partner or interest, the stress got directed at my friends and the communities I help support. It's easy to say "Friend Drama and People I'm working with Drama" is making me grumpy, but in truth a LOT of that was me just re-directing relationship Drama, which is of course wrong.
So for those who have dealt with me being very pessimistic over the last few months, well now you know the real reason I was so pissy. Thank you for being patient with me. A few people were not so patient during this period... and I burnt a few bridges; but at the same time...
I built new bridges with new people and that feels really good. It helped me through a VERY rough and difficult time in life. New friends combined with friends I've had for years who were patient with me during all of this pulled me through this dark chapter, which I feel very relieved to say, is now CLOSED.
So yeah, I'm going back to being a Bachelor for the foreseeable future, but I want to live that life for a little while. Take my break from it all. I'm going to shut the relationship door but I'm not going to lock it and throw away the key. I'm going to acknowledge that someday, the door could be re-opened.
But for now, I'm going to focus on trying to be the "Friend of Many" instead of the "Love interest of One".
Yes there is going to be times where it will be really tough. I miss cuddling, I really do. And I am not the type of person that will Cuddle with ANYONE. There needs to be a bond there, yes we need to be dating before I feel comfortable getting to that level of intimacy.
I'll still have my fair share of Head Turns if I see someone who is attractive to me at a convention or walking down the street; because I'm Straight, not Asexual. I still have an attraction to a certain type, and its not something I can just fully switch "off" as much as I wish I could do some times...
The Edge will still be there. Any #NationalI'mThankfulIhaveARelationshipandSinglePeopleCanSuckIt days on Twitter still sting quite a bit when they come up. Valentines day will still be "Tommorow is cheap candy day".
But I have a good group of Friends that I have not been grateful enough for, and that needs to change. I need to do more hanging out, and less time sighing to myself while flipping through dating sites on my phone. The more I am active doing things socially with friends, the less of an "Edge" I will have to burn off that I am still single.
Since Spring of this year, my Relationship live has been very rocky.
faelyncypher and I broke up in May, and I feel no reason to say more then that nor go into the details. I will say it wasn't an abusive "I never want to see you again" type of breakup and we have resolved it to the point we can still remain Friends.Following that, I had a crush on someone else in the Furry Fandom. I'm not going to say who it is, because I don't need Drama here. I chased her for a few months; became friends with her friends, and spent a LOT of time with her over this summer, only to in the end get rejected, and burned out of some money I am not asking for nor expecting to get back. I'm just moving on...
But, that isn't the end of the story. Right after that fell apart, I met someone on the same Online dating site. We seemed to have a lot of common and at first she really seemed to like me. She even kissed me, on the lips, which has only happened with one other gal before. She went to our Fall Picnic and seemed to have a really good time and was on the verge of "converting" to become a furry, though I have a hunch now she was only doing that to make me happy.
She Dumped me this Sat as I was on a trip up North with friends. I did see it coming though, for two reasons: One she was... how do I put it... a lot more "open minded" about certain things then I was. And Two, which I really consider it to be the dealbreaker and I know it... I honestly wasn't over the gal I had a crush on this summer... nor was I fully prepared to comit after failing that commitment earlier this year with my only long term relationship I've had.
In short, I'm not ready for another relationship; and it shows. Unless the conditions were absolutely perfect IE Star Crossed Lovers, I'm going to be a really tough guy to be someone's BF for right now, I'm still kinda a mess. There are a lot of things I need to work on personally before I can really attempt looking for another date. I'm really not Dateable material right now. In a year or two, maybe.
But, there is some light to all of this, unrelated but related at the same time. This year I have also done something that is extremely hard as an Adult to do and that is make new friends. Before this year, my pool of new friends stagnated. I wasn't able to "hang out" as often as I had only a small pool of people I could call on to talk with and do stuff with. That's starting to change.
As I mentioned before, I was up North on a Weekend trip with some local friends, all of whom I've known for at the longest two years. I really enjoyed this weekend. In addition, earlier this week I met three new friends and played board and card games after work. I haven't opened up to new people as much as I did that night for a REALLY long time. It felt really, really good.
So with life you get your bumps and bruises, just like the really annoying bruise I have on my pinky toe right now from getting the nail caught in my jean's pant leg earlier this morning... (Walking kinda sucks right now..)
But, you also have opportunities, and I realize this now. You rarely get second chances on these opportunities either if you let them pass by.
My fluxx of Relationship issues over the last year made me a little jaded. And when it happened, I never took it out on my partner or interest, the stress got directed at my friends and the communities I help support. It's easy to say "Friend Drama and People I'm working with Drama" is making me grumpy, but in truth a LOT of that was me just re-directing relationship Drama, which is of course wrong.
So for those who have dealt with me being very pessimistic over the last few months, well now you know the real reason I was so pissy. Thank you for being patient with me. A few people were not so patient during this period... and I burnt a few bridges; but at the same time...
I built new bridges with new people and that feels really good. It helped me through a VERY rough and difficult time in life. New friends combined with friends I've had for years who were patient with me during all of this pulled me through this dark chapter, which I feel very relieved to say, is now CLOSED.
So yeah, I'm going back to being a Bachelor for the foreseeable future, but I want to live that life for a little while. Take my break from it all. I'm going to shut the relationship door but I'm not going to lock it and throw away the key. I'm going to acknowledge that someday, the door could be re-opened.
But for now, I'm going to focus on trying to be the "Friend of Many" instead of the "Love interest of One".
Yes there is going to be times where it will be really tough. I miss cuddling, I really do. And I am not the type of person that will Cuddle with ANYONE. There needs to be a bond there, yes we need to be dating before I feel comfortable getting to that level of intimacy.
I'll still have my fair share of Head Turns if I see someone who is attractive to me at a convention or walking down the street; because I'm Straight, not Asexual. I still have an attraction to a certain type, and its not something I can just fully switch "off" as much as I wish I could do some times...
The Edge will still be there. Any #NationalI'mThankfulIhaveARelationshipandSinglePeopleCanSuckIt days on Twitter still sting quite a bit when they come up. Valentines day will still be "Tommorow is cheap candy day".
But I have a good group of Friends that I have not been grateful enough for, and that needs to change. I need to do more hanging out, and less time sighing to myself while flipping through dating sites on my phone. The more I am active doing things socially with friends, the less of an "Edge" I will have to burn off that I am still single.
Yarrick on Respectful Photography
Posted 9 years agoSo, to add on a Journal 
mouring wrote and from a heated debate I got involved in today, I would like to address two issues and "movements" that plague Volunteer Event Photographers like myself.
One that is founded mostly from Non-Photographers and one that has its roots within Professional photographers. Both of these movements are gaining strength and really aren't solving the "problem". They're just bashing it in the head and not caring about who they affect or hurt in the process so long as they are "happy", which i feel is wrong.
It's really about Respect. That's what this whole thing is about. Knowing where that line in the Sand is, knowing NOT to cross it; but at the same time not being afraid to get more then 3 miles away from the line because you are afraid you might offend someone for just being in eyesight. I feel this Stigma is just as wrong as the people on the other extreme who totally ignore the line and go in head first paparazzi style camera blazing.
Before I start... I will say I respect both Professional Photographers AND a Subject's Right of Refusal. I feel both very much have a place within the realm of being Respectful as a Photographer. People are likely going to jump to conclusions (and probably will even after this disclaimer without reading it) and think that I am some Scab artist stealing bread from peoples mouths while stealing other peoples souls in the process. And THAT is the Image I despise and hate when it gets applied to me, or any other photographer for that matter.
To divide it up; the first issue is the "Costumes are not Consent" and "Ask First" movement. In most situations, the Law sides with the opponents of the Photography part of the movement especially if the photo is taken in a Public area; but that still does not address the reason for the movement nor provide a solution.
The basis of this movement is two fold, one which is "Do not touch/hug/grope without consent" which I can totally get behind. But just like a Bill in the Senate an ugly tack on gets applied which is "Do Not Take Any Photographs Without Getting Verbal Permission of the Subject First" which I have major problems with.
First the way its portrayed. Its portrayed as if taking a photo of someone is the same as groping them, which I am totally not in agreement of. Secondly because it spells the death of "street photography" or Capturing the Moment. And Capturing the Moment is the Biggest reason I think Photography is an Art. If you kill that, you kill half the art of Photography too. Posed shots outside of a studio are often rushed, and thus lack a certain level of storytelling that capturing the moment gets you.
The second movement is within the Photography Community itself, specifically by a lot of Professional and Freelance pro photographers. It also strengthens the point why I have a sour taste for a lot of the attitudes attached to "going pro". And that is "If you are doing Photography of ANY kind for Free, it is Theft from the Professionals"
Photography is a passion for me. It's also a Hobby. But because its a Hobby doesn't make me it any less important to me. Infact in some roundabout way I feel that Hobby Photography fuels my Passion while any Professional/Paid gig detracts from it; even if the underlying work is the same.
I will state the lines here that I do not cross. I'm not a supporter of Paparazzi style photography. I won't chase someone around and do "upskirt" shots. That is very much harassment, and I do not support it.
Nor will I do Photography "for free" for For-Profit Corporations or Private events if its outside my circle of friends and Family. I respect that professionals have a right to make money off these things.
But I also think people should have a little more respect for those who Volunteer as a Photographer (or in general actually) for Non-Profit organizations and not feel that their time is somehow more Valuable then any other Volunteers so they should be paid when the Security Staff, Registration Crew, Event Organizers, ETC are NOT.
I do a lot of Non-Profit work. For Free. As a Volunteer. And I've done it for other things outside of Photography too. Everyone who Volunteers to run something for a Non Profit is not doing it for the money. Most people who volunteering are offering up something they SHOULD be paid for, but are not. They are doing it because they want to see something succeed that would not be able to succeed or be as successful if it had to rely on Paid Employees.
As a Volunteer Photographer for an Organization I have a level of standards that I will not Harass any of the Attendees of the event. I have the right to take Candid shots but if someone specifically blocks their face or approaches me and says "Hey I don't want you to post the photo you took of me" I will be respectful and not share it or delete it.
I will also not step on Professional Photographers toes. If an event has the budget to pay a Photographer I WILL NOT go in after I find this out and say "Hey, I know you are paying this guy but I'll gladly do it for Free".
On the flip side, I ask that Professionals give me a little more respect and understand that I have a right to offer my services for Free to Charitable Non-Profits who cannot afford a professional photographer and would otherwise just be handing off an instant camera or cellphone to a randomly selected general volunteer to "get a few photos with".
So this really is about being respectful, and either extreme really hurts Photographers of all walks of life whether Hobbiest or Pro. Know that there are lines to stay behind to be respectful, but don't hang up your camera because an extremist on the other end says "You are in my way" or "You are Stealing my Soul".
mouring wrote and from a heated debate I got involved in today, I would like to address two issues and "movements" that plague Volunteer Event Photographers like myself. One that is founded mostly from Non-Photographers and one that has its roots within Professional photographers. Both of these movements are gaining strength and really aren't solving the "problem". They're just bashing it in the head and not caring about who they affect or hurt in the process so long as they are "happy", which i feel is wrong.
It's really about Respect. That's what this whole thing is about. Knowing where that line in the Sand is, knowing NOT to cross it; but at the same time not being afraid to get more then 3 miles away from the line because you are afraid you might offend someone for just being in eyesight. I feel this Stigma is just as wrong as the people on the other extreme who totally ignore the line and go in head first paparazzi style camera blazing.
Before I start... I will say I respect both Professional Photographers AND a Subject's Right of Refusal. I feel both very much have a place within the realm of being Respectful as a Photographer. People are likely going to jump to conclusions (and probably will even after this disclaimer without reading it) and think that I am some Scab artist stealing bread from peoples mouths while stealing other peoples souls in the process. And THAT is the Image I despise and hate when it gets applied to me, or any other photographer for that matter.
To divide it up; the first issue is the "Costumes are not Consent" and "Ask First" movement. In most situations, the Law sides with the opponents of the Photography part of the movement especially if the photo is taken in a Public area; but that still does not address the reason for the movement nor provide a solution.
The basis of this movement is two fold, one which is "Do not touch/hug/grope without consent" which I can totally get behind. But just like a Bill in the Senate an ugly tack on gets applied which is "Do Not Take Any Photographs Without Getting Verbal Permission of the Subject First" which I have major problems with.
First the way its portrayed. Its portrayed as if taking a photo of someone is the same as groping them, which I am totally not in agreement of. Secondly because it spells the death of "street photography" or Capturing the Moment. And Capturing the Moment is the Biggest reason I think Photography is an Art. If you kill that, you kill half the art of Photography too. Posed shots outside of a studio are often rushed, and thus lack a certain level of storytelling that capturing the moment gets you.
The second movement is within the Photography Community itself, specifically by a lot of Professional and Freelance pro photographers. It also strengthens the point why I have a sour taste for a lot of the attitudes attached to "going pro". And that is "If you are doing Photography of ANY kind for Free, it is Theft from the Professionals"
Photography is a passion for me. It's also a Hobby. But because its a Hobby doesn't make me it any less important to me. Infact in some roundabout way I feel that Hobby Photography fuels my Passion while any Professional/Paid gig detracts from it; even if the underlying work is the same.
I will state the lines here that I do not cross. I'm not a supporter of Paparazzi style photography. I won't chase someone around and do "upskirt" shots. That is very much harassment, and I do not support it.
Nor will I do Photography "for free" for For-Profit Corporations or Private events if its outside my circle of friends and Family. I respect that professionals have a right to make money off these things.
But I also think people should have a little more respect for those who Volunteer as a Photographer (or in general actually) for Non-Profit organizations and not feel that their time is somehow more Valuable then any other Volunteers so they should be paid when the Security Staff, Registration Crew, Event Organizers, ETC are NOT.
I do a lot of Non-Profit work. For Free. As a Volunteer. And I've done it for other things outside of Photography too. Everyone who Volunteers to run something for a Non Profit is not doing it for the money. Most people who volunteering are offering up something they SHOULD be paid for, but are not. They are doing it because they want to see something succeed that would not be able to succeed or be as successful if it had to rely on Paid Employees.
As a Volunteer Photographer for an Organization I have a level of standards that I will not Harass any of the Attendees of the event. I have the right to take Candid shots but if someone specifically blocks their face or approaches me and says "Hey I don't want you to post the photo you took of me" I will be respectful and not share it or delete it.
I will also not step on Professional Photographers toes. If an event has the budget to pay a Photographer I WILL NOT go in after I find this out and say "Hey, I know you are paying this guy but I'll gladly do it for Free".
On the flip side, I ask that Professionals give me a little more respect and understand that I have a right to offer my services for Free to Charitable Non-Profits who cannot afford a professional photographer and would otherwise just be handing off an instant camera or cellphone to a randomly selected general volunteer to "get a few photos with".
So this really is about being respectful, and either extreme really hurts Photographers of all walks of life whether Hobbiest or Pro. Know that there are lines to stay behind to be respectful, but don't hang up your camera because an extremist on the other end says "You are in my way" or "You are Stealing my Soul".
*Video Paused*
Posted 9 years agoI'm not going to get into specifics here... but for a number of reasons (personal and otherwise) I am taking a break from doing any more Video work. It may not be permanent, but it will be a minimum of 4-6 months.
After that period I will re-evaluate if and how I want to make my comeback or if I want to sell or Donate all my Dedicated video gear except maybe my handcam because its well fun and useful and doesn't take a lot of Skill to operate.
Part of it is because yes I am frustrated with my own work. It doesn't help that others twist the knife in deeper rather then encouraging me... but I won't get into that rant nor will I name names. I will say its been something that started much earlier this year and has been building on me since.
I will finish any current obligations I have for video work. After that time, I will pour my full effort back into Photography which is what I'm more known for and appreciated for it seems. Maybe I was a fool to think I could offer something else in a different field.
I will admit, while dabbling in video has been fun, it's also been stressful and it's taken a lot of my energy away from Photography. I've posted a LOT less content for Photography; and the reason for that is I was trying to focus on learning Videography as well, maybe I did stretch myself too thin.
For the Videographers out there: Keep doing what you are doing. Keep filming. Because you are needed. Maybe my place is behind capturing a still moment in time rather then one that has motion. But the Fandom needs Videographers too. Who knows... maybe I'll even find someone in my travels who is an aspiring videographer and can make better use out of my equipment and fill the shoes I was trying to fill, so to speak.
Time will tell, but for now; its only just paused. I haven't wiped the tape yet...
I will reiterate that I am NOT stepping away from Photography. If anything I will be seriously re-tooling my A game for Photography work. I've slipped quite a ways from where I used to be. I haven't posted any new photos in Months. I really need to change this, and change it soon as all of my future obligations are Photography related.
After that period I will re-evaluate if and how I want to make my comeback or if I want to sell or Donate all my Dedicated video gear except maybe my handcam because its well fun and useful and doesn't take a lot of Skill to operate.
Part of it is because yes I am frustrated with my own work. It doesn't help that others twist the knife in deeper rather then encouraging me... but I won't get into that rant nor will I name names. I will say its been something that started much earlier this year and has been building on me since.
I will finish any current obligations I have for video work. After that time, I will pour my full effort back into Photography which is what I'm more known for and appreciated for it seems. Maybe I was a fool to think I could offer something else in a different field.
I will admit, while dabbling in video has been fun, it's also been stressful and it's taken a lot of my energy away from Photography. I've posted a LOT less content for Photography; and the reason for that is I was trying to focus on learning Videography as well, maybe I did stretch myself too thin.
For the Videographers out there: Keep doing what you are doing. Keep filming. Because you are needed. Maybe my place is behind capturing a still moment in time rather then one that has motion. But the Fandom needs Videographers too. Who knows... maybe I'll even find someone in my travels who is an aspiring videographer and can make better use out of my equipment and fill the shoes I was trying to fill, so to speak.
Time will tell, but for now; its only just paused. I haven't wiped the tape yet...
I will reiterate that I am NOT stepping away from Photography. If anything I will be seriously re-tooling my A game for Photography work. I've slipped quite a ways from where I used to be. I haven't posted any new photos in Months. I really need to change this, and change it soon as all of my future obligations are Photography related.
Furry Migration 2016: That's a Wrap!
Posted 9 years agoFurry Migration 2016 was this weekend, and for those who don't know I'm the Photography and Videography head for Furry Migration. Altough I am local I took the day off to rest and split up my time loading out equipment, and though there were some mixed feelings and added expenses for doing so I'm glad I did not have to work today.
FM was a very expensive con for me this year, in terms of Hotel, parking and food costs alone. I spent as much more here then I did at Megaplex a month earlier; flight included. Needless to say I won't be buying any new camera equipment any time soon, not that I really have anything I need to buy; I did most of my upgrades before both Megaplex and Furry Migration which was the wise call.
Because I was so busy, I didn't get to do any wandering con video this year. Instead I focused on taking "B roll" Photography during my time off; I had two new camera bodies that this was the first con at (the 6D and the SL1 both) so this was a good way to practice and find the limits of both cameras without a lot of pressure; if I missed a shot I had an entire team of Photographers to back me up. As of right now FM is unique for that... but I hope someday to help other Convention's photography departments run as an organized unit rather then Chaos or lack of one altogether. But that's another post for another time.
I can't say that the Photography and Video Department is a Well oiled and perfectly tuned machine yet, we still have a few knocks to tune out. That said, it ran a lot better then last year or the year before, with a lot more energy and cooperation between everyone. I won't lie, it was a rough start. There was a fair bit of Drama earlier in the year... but I'm not going to Dwell on that.
So as far as staffing went: I was busy, and left a little tired but my stress level throughout the con was very low. Far lower then previous years at this con and other conventions. There are still issues to iron out sure, but nothing caught on figurative fire this year really. I'm very impressed by my Photography staff this year; you guys did an amazing job.
I was able to take regular breaks to get food, but busy enough that I didn't have a lot of time to hang out with friends that were there until late at night for the people who were still around.
I will say that keeping busy as staff kept me away from the awkwardness and the "something is missing" feeling. Since Furries are a very cuddly bunch it means I get to see a lot of people cuddling and crawling all over their mates/SO/casual partners and it can get frustrating for someone who is single. Working the con gave me somewhat of a distraction from it, though I had some withdrawl this morning.
So in summary: in-spite of the high costs and a few small awkward watching people getting all snuggly with each other moments, the con was a positive experience. It was a good working con, and since a lot of my friends at the con I see on a regular basis (because they are also local) its a good one to work. There's less "Oh I didn't get to hang out with you and we won't see each other for another year"
I feel that the Photography and Video department is on the right track, though I am hoping a few things can be shifted around for next year, only time will tell- but there was an energy the department didn't have as much of in previous years; and I can see the potential for growth for future years.
Just like what I did for Midwest Furfest in Gaming... I took a Department that really wasn't very highly regarded as being something that's important or the center of attention into something more relevant and successful. The machine isn't fully built yet... but its coming together nicely :)
FM was a very expensive con for me this year, in terms of Hotel, parking and food costs alone. I spent as much more here then I did at Megaplex a month earlier; flight included. Needless to say I won't be buying any new camera equipment any time soon, not that I really have anything I need to buy; I did most of my upgrades before both Megaplex and Furry Migration which was the wise call.
Because I was so busy, I didn't get to do any wandering con video this year. Instead I focused on taking "B roll" Photography during my time off; I had two new camera bodies that this was the first con at (the 6D and the SL1 both) so this was a good way to practice and find the limits of both cameras without a lot of pressure; if I missed a shot I had an entire team of Photographers to back me up. As of right now FM is unique for that... but I hope someday to help other Convention's photography departments run as an organized unit rather then Chaos or lack of one altogether. But that's another post for another time.
I can't say that the Photography and Video Department is a Well oiled and perfectly tuned machine yet, we still have a few knocks to tune out. That said, it ran a lot better then last year or the year before, with a lot more energy and cooperation between everyone. I won't lie, it was a rough start. There was a fair bit of Drama earlier in the year... but I'm not going to Dwell on that.
So as far as staffing went: I was busy, and left a little tired but my stress level throughout the con was very low. Far lower then previous years at this con and other conventions. There are still issues to iron out sure, but nothing caught on figurative fire this year really. I'm very impressed by my Photography staff this year; you guys did an amazing job.
I was able to take regular breaks to get food, but busy enough that I didn't have a lot of time to hang out with friends that were there until late at night for the people who were still around.
I will say that keeping busy as staff kept me away from the awkwardness and the "something is missing" feeling. Since Furries are a very cuddly bunch it means I get to see a lot of people cuddling and crawling all over their mates/SO/casual partners and it can get frustrating for someone who is single. Working the con gave me somewhat of a distraction from it, though I had some withdrawl this morning.
So in summary: in-spite of the high costs and a few small awkward watching people getting all snuggly with each other moments, the con was a positive experience. It was a good working con, and since a lot of my friends at the con I see on a regular basis (because they are also local) its a good one to work. There's less "Oh I didn't get to hang out with you and we won't see each other for another year"
I feel that the Photography and Video department is on the right track, though I am hoping a few things can be shifted around for next year, only time will tell- but there was an energy the department didn't have as much of in previous years; and I can see the potential for growth for future years.
Just like what I did for Midwest Furfest in Gaming... I took a Department that really wasn't very highly regarded as being something that's important or the center of attention into something more relevant and successful. The machine isn't fully built yet... but its coming together nicely :)
I'm Okay....
Posted 9 years agoI could write a novel about all the shit that happened to me this summer; regarding my Relationship status, Friends, and trying to move into a phase where I;m not working on Overdrive trying to help out the Furry Fandom to an extent I was previously. But I'm not going to.
Let's just say it was beyond Rocky and given a choice I NEVER want to repeat this summer ever again.
Long time friendships got strained, a relationship ended. I lost my focus and spawned a ton of Self Doubt. I had to climb out of a hole akin to a mineshaft.
On the flipside.... I made some new friends. I broke down a wall that I had built with someone over the last several years and can now work and be friends with them again. I got into a steady Pen and Paper RPG group on Friday nights; something I haven't been able to do in nearly a decade. So yes a LOT of good came out of this summer too.
I've been all sorts of mixed emotions over the past few months. It's been tough... I felt like I was going to explode several times. And people who said "Oh you don't have it THAT bad... I have it MUCH worse" was like a knife being jabbed in every time it was said. Because saying "I have it WORSE" is NOT helpful to someone who has borderline Depression. It was a dark place... I don't want to go back there again. But I am proud of myself for being able to crawl out of that hole without the aid of medication or psych therapy.
I needed that balance back of feeling calm rather then having a rage of emotions... the highs and the lows. I really only achieved this calm after last night. I had a lot of stress (both positive and negative) this summer. But I'm still here, life still goes on, and yes I have a lot I can be thankful for. Now that I've found myself again; I can go back to starting the next chapter in life... rather then hectically scribbling in pages and not really going anywhere...
Right now, I feel Okay. And i am content that I feel Okay.
Let's just say it was beyond Rocky and given a choice I NEVER want to repeat this summer ever again.
Long time friendships got strained, a relationship ended. I lost my focus and spawned a ton of Self Doubt. I had to climb out of a hole akin to a mineshaft.
On the flipside.... I made some new friends. I broke down a wall that I had built with someone over the last several years and can now work and be friends with them again. I got into a steady Pen and Paper RPG group on Friday nights; something I haven't been able to do in nearly a decade. So yes a LOT of good came out of this summer too.
I've been all sorts of mixed emotions over the past few months. It's been tough... I felt like I was going to explode several times. And people who said "Oh you don't have it THAT bad... I have it MUCH worse" was like a knife being jabbed in every time it was said. Because saying "I have it WORSE" is NOT helpful to someone who has borderline Depression. It was a dark place... I don't want to go back there again. But I am proud of myself for being able to crawl out of that hole without the aid of medication or psych therapy.
I needed that balance back of feeling calm rather then having a rage of emotions... the highs and the lows. I really only achieved this calm after last night. I had a lot of stress (both positive and negative) this summer. But I'm still here, life still goes on, and yes I have a lot I can be thankful for. Now that I've found myself again; I can go back to starting the next chapter in life... rather then hectically scribbling in pages and not really going anywhere...
Right now, I feel Okay. And i am content that I feel Okay.
Signal Boost
Posted 9 years agoA good friend of mine 
kisaofthesnow is opening up for badge commissions for delivery at Furry Migration. Her rates are very reasonable :). So if your going to FM and would like to have something to wear at the con you should check her FA Journal with all the details here!
kisaofthesnow is opening up for badge commissions for delivery at Furry Migration. Her rates are very reasonable :). So if your going to FM and would like to have something to wear at the con you should check her FA Journal with all the details here!