I'm going to keep this one general even though I just became a victim of this very thing. At this point.. the issue has been settled but I am still not 100% happy. So here is a PSA:

So.. Let's just go back to the basics. Myself and a good number of my friends are either Artists or Photographers (and in some cases BOTH). So needless to say I get very riled up about this subject. Some people make a living off of it, others like me its a hobby; but in either case its WRONG to steal Art and take credit for something that was not originally yours.

Art theft, even of a "Free" commission is WRONG. If you are NOT the creator of the Art you have no rights to alter the artwork and claim it as your own without the consent of the original artist. And Yes this goes for Photography and Videography too.

Art theft is common in the Fandom, but by no means does that make it right or okay to do. It's a horrible problem and it can be a tough one to fight, though by all legal bindings due to the way creative commons and copyright law works an Artist has a level of copyright to his work whether or not he pays the federal government to copyright every piece of art he or she creates. If they had to do that... forget about your $50 badge commission. Try $400 badge commission to make up for the money they have to pay to get a work of Art given a full binding copyright. Oh yeah... and add 1-3 MONTHS to the time you are given the badge for the copyright to go through. Want this to happen? Didn't think so... Then STOP STEALING ART!

This is why we can't have nice things sometimes folks. If you see art or photography that you like don't be a douche. Don't steal it, change one thing, then claim it as your own. That's horrible. In some cases, a Photographer or Artist might WELCOME a colab with you featuring some of their work. But you need to ASK them first!

And that's all I'm going to say on this matter. If my night wasn't enjoyable for other reasons... I'd seriously want to punch someone right now...

So after a 2-3 month forced Hiatus due to what happened here (not starting drama here... just stating that it was a thing) I was finally able to recover my account.

I tried going back to Live Journal to post some venting thing, but even less people are left on that site. So eh. One thing I do like about LJ is I can filter who sees my Journals so I don't get nailed to a coffin over an opinion later...

Expect my FA to have a lot less updates, but it will still get a Journal or two to prove I'm alive.

My Furry Network page will likely get the Lions share if not all of my Photo content going forward.

I have been, very busy lately. A LOT of time has been spent soul searching and re-figuring out who I am and who I want to be/ where I want to go with my life. I've had a lot of major changes lately but some of them have been good.

Recently I've been making a few new friends and this is something I haven't really been able to do in years. It helps immensely to smooth out the other bumps in the road I've driven over. Making friends as a Working Adult is hard. You have a lot less free time and schedules are so easy to conflict. But it is worth all of the effort for sure. It's the one thing that I've done over the last few months that I don't regret: trying to make friends and grow my social pool again.

The friends that go way back will of course always be important to me. I know that sometimes friends will drift apart for any number of reasons; very commonly that they both just have too much going on. I've felt this pull a little too... but whether its a friend I see once a week or once a year; they are still important to me.

Going forward... I plan on spending a lot of time figuring out who I am but on the flipside this means a lot of hanging out and meeting up. Just like I did a decade ago. I may be over 30 but that doesn't mean I'm an aging grandpa yet. I can still go out and have fun, and meet a lot of cool people on the way. :)

Yeah I finally got it. Again, its not my preferred chat client and I had to buy one of those pre-paid type phones to activate it (sorry I'm not giving a private fly by night company my primary phone #. I don't trust it).

Whatever. I've found that fighting the "hip new thing" means that in the end you miss out of a lot of things and it becomes increasingly difficult to stay in touch with people.

My Telegram is @yarrickwuff Feel free to add me. I won't be chatting on it from my phone unless I get really bored (and even then its tied to my secondary line). Mostly will be when I'm at home or out and about somewhere on wi-fi and have a tablet with me.

I had this happen to me recently, and I'm not going to put names here because it is not important nor worth stiring Drama with name calling. I'm better now... but not before I completely lost it.

A PSA: The absolute WORST thing you can do to an Artist, and this includes Photographers and Videographers is tell them that their work is 100% USELESS and that they suck at what they do. Its a huge blow and one of two things will happen: The artist will get depressed ask themselves "Why do I do this if no one likes my work or I'm that bad at it..." and potentially take a break from their artform or quit altogether.

The other outcome, which is how I handled it, is they become ENRAGED. Now... those who become Enraged on the flipside means that they are less likely to quit their Art altogether once they have calmed down and taken the appropriate action to deal with their frustration and anger. Typically this Anger is directed at the person who made the comment rather then themselves. Regardless... its still stressful and the Artist does get wrapped up in their emotions to a point where they can't think clearly for a period of time. I calmed down relatively quickly, having a Friend to talk to directly after the incident helped a LOT.

There is a MAJOR difference between saying something like "Oh you could have done something like this a little better next time" or even "There were a few moments where the Video was shaky. Would you consider doing another take just to be sure" vs outright saying "The footage is completely un-useable. Maybe you should Quit"

In addition when another photographer or videographer has a different style then you, DO NOT try to belittle their choice of style. If a photo is taken at an Angle that you dislike or don't understand, constructive re-enforcement like "Huh, interesting. I wonder what this would have looked like if it was shot at this angle" vs "The Angle and Framing suck" One is constructive. The other Destructive.

I'm sure all artists of any media have ran into this before. And everyone handles it in a different way. I'll be okay... I was beating myself up over my videography last year and this certainly doesn't help but it did make me realize something:

Most people can accept Art as an expression even if it is not "Perfect". And I think this is why I enjoy NOT being a professional Photographer. Even when I do work for larger Volunteer organizations they are just thrilled that they are getting photos that are better photos then one of their walk in volunteers armed with a disposeable or pocket camera. There is no Critic sitting at the end with a ruler and a crop angle going "Oh this doesn't fit the rule of thirds. This photo is horrible and un-useable".

But there are those who expect Perfection. Even when they are not paying someone for it, which is the even more mind boggling part to me. I don't want to work with Perfectionists again. It is NOT an enjoyable experience.

So in short: Enjoy Photography and Videography as you would any other Art. The Photographer/Videographer put hours of their time, hundreds to thousands of dollars behind, and part of their soul into their work. Even as an amature. Sure... every Photographer and Videographer has different levels of talent, and experience.

But every single one of them is trying their hardest to make people happy with their Art. Please Don't Take That Away From Them.

Furries and Drama are two words that can never be fully separated.  I’ve ranted about it before and while there is some Local drama that directly involves me that happened recently, I’m not going to go into that because it has mostly been resolved and is not something that affects very many others.

On the other-hand, something else happened on Saturday that affected a lot of people, and stressed a lot of people out who didn’t have anything to do with it.  It was also something that everyone KNEW was going to happen as it has happened for the last few years; but suddenly this year it’s become Personal to a lot of people which just makes me sad.  And this is the Furfest Hotel block selling out.

Now, I can understand people’s frustration.  It sucks yes.  But realize that a lot of people do cancel their rooms before the con as they book a room in case they can’t find a roommate or none of their other intended room mates can get a room.  

It’s a game.  You have four people that are planning to room together all try to get a room in the likely chance that only one of the four is able to get a room.  And if 2-4 people from that group manage to get a room boom 1-3 of those rooms will be canceled and go back into the pool.  This has been the case at MWFF for the last 5 years.

There are always overflow hotels available.  If you are resourceful enough you WILL find somewhere to stay.  It just requires a little persistence. Maybe you can’t book it on the day they opened the floodgates, but in some ways this can be a blessing.

It has been very difficult to get a room at Hotel at Midwest Furfest main hotel for the last 3-5 years.  It’s simple numbers.  Even when we moved away from other groups who were sharing the room block we are now at over 6,000 registered convention guests.   Assuming EVERY room has the max allowed four room guests (which does NOT happen because a lot of furs have personal space issues and want to room alone) the max number of attendees the Hotel could hold is only around 4,500 people. With the number of people who want to room alone into the mix, realistically that max capacity is no more then 3,000 people.  So the main hotel is only able to house 50% of the registered attendees of the con.

So before you blow up at the staff, run the numbers in your head.  Realize that no its NOT because a Scalper just bought up 100 rooms to themselves which is why you didn’t get one.  It’s because you have thousands of other people trying to book a room at the same time as you are.

ITS NOT THE CONVENTION STAFF’S FAULT THE ROOM BLOCK FILLS UP PEOPLE so please do not take it out on them.

Now, are there some flaws in the booking system that need to be addressed? Probably yes.

 

Now I know people may see me as a Hypocrite because I am Midwest Furfest Staff.  And because of that I was able to get a room early.  I’m not here to rub it in your face because I understand your frustration.  There has been years where even the Staff had a hard time getting a room at the Hyatt if they weren’t quick enough.

For those who whine about why the staff get priority on rooms at MFF (and most large conventions where the Hotel block sells out like Lemonade on a scorching August day) here is my counter to that:

Being staff at a convention is exhausting.  We work hard so everyone else can have fun.  In addition a lot of us bring a lot of our personal equipment so we can share it with the convention attendees.  Before the con starts and after it is over we need a secure space to store all of this gear and not have to fall over in a heap from exhaustion trying to truck it over to another hotel.  

So you Fursuit, and your fursuit takes up one modest sized crate that is awkward to move around; yes it sucks; but now imagine having to move 3-5 crates of the same size or larger full of Video Games, Board games or specialized Photography Studio gear from your car at another hotel.  Oh BTW each of those crates weighs 3-5 times the weight of your fursuit.  Each one.

If you are really hell bent on getting a room at the Hyatt next year… maybe becoming Staff is something you should consider.  Large cons like Midwest Furfest take a LOT of man power to run.  There is always a department looking for help.  Does it suck having some of your time that you could be spending with Friends dedicated to helping out the con?  At times yeah.

On the flipside being convention staff is VERY rewarding.  Midwest Furfest was the first con I ever staffed. It literally helped turn my life around 360. Through being staff at MFF I gained a lot of Confidence that allowed me to think outside of the box and do things that the old Yarrick would have been terrified about even thinking about attempting.  You get a much different perspective once you’ve been staff of a convention.

It’s much easier for me to appreciate Midwest Furfest and any convention for that matter after being con staff.  A lot of work goes behind running a con.  The larger the convention the more work goes into keeping it going and the more volunteers and staff it needs.

It is something that is very tiring, and can be frustrating.  Last year I did reach a burn out point with the role at MFF that I had been doing for nearly a decade, and that was running their gaming department.  I needed a change of scenery, but my desire to help them out has not changed.

Being staff can also be a lot of fun.  It can be a chance to offer up your skills for something you enjoy to the convention.  Artist?  Think about helping out Artist Alley.  Gamer?  Speaking from experience we are ALWAYS looking for help running the Gaming Track at Midwest Furfest.

Photographer?   Let’s just say I moved departments both on the “I need a change of scenery” but also for the fact that MFF needed Photographers.  The current photography staff was getting overworked, understaffed and reaching the same point of Burnout that I was with Gaming. I’m happy to help them out.

For all those Photographers I see wandering around with multiple DSLRs and have invested as much, or much more money into their hobby and spend most of the con taking photos as it is… it’s a bit of a head scratcher for me of how FEW of those are willing to help the con out as a staff photographer.  

I am not just talking about Midwest Furfest here.  I will likely be a Staff Photographer at three different furry conventions in 2016/2017 simply because the need is there and no one else is stepping up to the plate.  I know of several others I could walk right into and would be thrilled to have another staff photographer if I had the time off and money to go fly out to them.

I did a survey for  photografurs and two of the spaces were related to being a Staff Photographer at a con.  Of all the people who filled out the bingo survey, only ONE other photographer (other then me) filled out the space that they were a Staff Photographer at a convention. This emphasizes my point.  We have a lot of skilled photographers in the Fandom… so why are people so opposed to helping out something you are going there to spend time taking photos at anyways?

Yes, you can’t just walk in and say “I want to be Staff”.  It does require some perseverance and dedication even to get your foot in the door.  But it is not really that difficult to find a way in.

Sit down, and talk to con staff during the con.  If they look like they are becoming burnt out, ask if you can help.  You may be surprised at how much your help is appreciated, and also at the rewards both directly and indirectly helping out the convention for something you enjoy doing anyways brings you.

 

Awhile back as my former pessimistic self I did a long rant about “needing a Fursuit to be Popular within the Fandom”.  It sparked quite the debate on both sides of the fence.

I’m not here to re-open that Wound, instead I’m here to look at how it has affected my life (because it has in a BIG way) even though I never have nor have any intention of ever wearing or buying a fursuit.   I am very THANKFUL for that change.

I will start off on saying that in spite of how bitter I was before as the old me I have always had great respect for fursuiters, especially those who can get into a character; be active and put on a show.  

Want to know why certain fursuiters tend to get more screen time in my videos and more photos of them?  The answer is simple: being entertaining is key.  Having an amazing suit might get a few photos for reference, but the Performance fursuiters will get far more attention from my camera.

Which slipstreams into the meat of this post; how Fursuiting has affected my life and changed it for the better:

When I joined the Fandom Fursuiting wasn’t a thing… at least with the level of quality and craftsmanship it is now.  Any fursuits that existed were either something someone bought at Party City during Halloween costumes 1 / 2 off clearance or were hand made with no experience or real inspiration to delve off of.  Therefore it was a very niche thing and was not regarded as a defining point of the Furry Fandom as it is now.

Instead, the big thing was Artwork.  Artists were the Egomaniacs and popularity contests were based off of how many commissions you had or badges you were wearing.  This was one camp of the fandom.

The other camp was the gamers, RPers and those glued to Online RP/Mucks even while they were at a convention.  I was in this camp.  This camp is still around but not as large as it once was; though it is starting to make a comeback.

I started out in Furry as a Gamer not as a Photographer.  It’s the reason my first Staff Role in the fandom was as the Gaming Head for Midwest FurFest, a role which I just retired from last year.
There  were two influences to me for me to get into Photography.  The first was Nature and Animals.  One of the main driving forces behind wanting to get better equipment and experience with photography was being in a Photographer’s Paradise (Hawaii) and stuck with a POS point and shoot camera that took small grainy photos, was so slow that I couldn’t capture any motion with it, and had almost no Zoom.

The second was Fursuiting.  When I started getting more into Photography it was also at the dawn of Fursuiting becoming a recognizable thing within the Furry Fandom.  The timing may have been coincidental; but it did inspire my Photography in a BIG way.

If I look through my photo archive I realize that 1 / 3 to 1 / 2 of my photos stored on disk are photos I would be reluctant to share with my family and co-workers because they have “Weird people dressed up as Animals” as the main focus.

So yes, Fursuiting has affected my life in a BIG way.  It helped change and shape me from an awkward nerd who hid behind an RPG book to a slightly less awkward nerd who hides behind a camera instead.

When I started going to Furry Conventions I wouldn’t have wanted nor needed anything more then a pocket camera.  Take a few photos of random things and my friends to prove I was there.

Now I spend a serious amount of time before the con just deciding what gear I should pack and trying to make sure I have enough batteries, tape, and memory cards for the weekend; and still I often find I didn’t bring enough.  And it’s all thanks to Fursuiting.
Without Fursuits and Cosplay I would have never had the experience or desire to learn about a lot of certain aspects of Photography such as Studio Photography.  While I did it professionally as a Church Directory Photographer for a little while, it was far far less fun then doing it for Fandom conventions.

Now, there is some truth in the fact that getting a fursuit is an Easy way to get instant popularity even as a photographer.  A Fursuiter carrying around a DSLR tends to get a LOT of attention.

But this shouldn’t be about looking for an “Easy way”.  Sometimes the harder, more challenging road is the one that is also a lot more interesting.  Yes it takes a lot more effort but in the end can be a lot more rewarding.  The people who do follow me are following me because they really enjoy my photography and videography and not because “Hey you were the guy in the really neat Fursuit that was taking photos while in suit!”

So I’ll circle back to another question.  People might wonder why I have zero interest in wearing a fursuit.  Well there are a couple of answers to that:  First off I’m a big guy who is not in perfect shape.  My body does not know how to regulate heat well at all.  I break up a profuse sweat sometimes working as an event photographer in a very light T-Shirt.  Being that active in a Fursuit would damn near kill me.

The second reason is for what I do it would be both a hindrance and a distraction.  Yes it might garner some attention which is helpful for getting reactions especially for Videography; but in addition to being exhausting physically it’s also a hindrance with your field of vision.  

Being a photographer or videographer your vision is already severely reduced by looking through a viewfinder or LCD panel.  You see what your camera sees.  Your peripheral vision goes to shit.  

So I can in a way understand what fursuiters go through as photographers have one of the same inherit problems when they are working.  I’ve stumbled and run into people I haven’t seen multiple times as a photographer or videographer because they were outside the field of view of the lens.

Throwing on something that would reduce your ability to see as a Photographer seems like a really bad idea.

To Wrap up: Fursuiting has changed my life for the better.  It has allowed me to live vicariously through the photos I take at conventions I attend both as an individual and as a Staff Photographer.

Without Fursuiting or Cosplay a staff photographer at a Fandom Convention would be really dull. For that matter, would there even need to be a staff photographer without cosplay?

 I’ve done Event photography at things like a Family Reunion and a Gala; and while the gratitude you receive from the party that hired you at the end is rewarding; the actual photography is a lot more dull and those “fun moments” are fewer and further between.

Not to say there aren’t moments.  Hell, even at Furry Cons some of the best video I have taken were of people who were wearing plain clothes.  But many times it was someone out of suit who was interacting with someone who was in suit.  That combination can be Magical.

So to the Fursuiters out there:  Thank you for entertaining us.  Thank you for allowing me to take photos and video of you and allow your creativity to fuel my own.

A few months ago I was feeling pretty dis-encouraged with my videography due to the fact that it does not get nearly as much attention (generally) as my photography. When others make a video that get thousands of hits in a matter of days and I struggle to get more then a few hundred (with a few exceptions) over years of the video being up it’s easy to think that my videography is getting ignored.

But let’s review a few facts: I’ve been doing photography for a long time, close to a Decade now whereas I’ve only been interested in video for 3-4 years. I’ve done photography Professionally, whereas I’m a total amateur when it comes to Videography.

I have more experience and knowledge with Photography then I do video work; so instead of viewing it as “My Videography is getting Ignored” maybe I should look at it as “My Photography is getting Acknowledged” as ultimately THAT is what I am known for.

That said, along with my “coming to terms with myself” moment I had last month, I took a look back at my Videography too. Actually it was taking a second look at my Videography that pushed me over the edge of realizing “I can do better with my life” vs my Photography which I have long since buried any self-doubt over.

There are a few other factors of why I feel under-appreciated or atleast ask myself “why am I doing this” when it came to my Videography outside of feeling that I wasn’t getting enough hits by number alone on YouTube.

First was I felt Obligated to do it, from a local perspective. In our local community Photographers grossly outweigh Videographers. I think Photography in general people feel is easier to get into hence why you see many more Photographers then Videographers in the Fandom. There is perhaps another reason for that… which I will get into later.

At the time there was no one up here I could relate to. I felt like it was my responsibility to take over Videography for the local community all by myself because there was no one else who wanted to do it.

I’ve learned that working with a Team is much more rewarding then working as a Lone Wolf which a lot of Photographers and Videographers do. So I kinda want to help break that mold…

The second reason is I felt intimidated. With Photography there is maybe a few photographers who are a LITTLE better known then others but it’s not like OMG you are such and such and become a celebrity as it is with Videography.

I realized I was no EZ Wolf or BBF (and will never be at that “level”). I think this goes for a lot of people in the Fandom as well and is part of the reason there are a lot more aspiring photographers who get credit for their work but aspiring videographers are a lot less common in general and those who are out there get very little credit. Furry Fandom Videographers are either a nobody or a celebrity and there is little inbetween. I’d like to see this mold changed too.

Then I realized something, which is that I have the same enjoyment for my Videography that I have with my Photography. Maybe I’m not as “good” at it. I’m defiantly not as well known for it. If I am enjoying myself and have the same fun filming, editing and geeking out about video gear at the end of the day – does it really matter?

I hate to sound selfish but yes, I realize I am in a big part doing Videography because I enjoy doing it. And that’s the way it should be. I shouldn’t feel I’m “obligated” to do it, nor should I feel like I’m not good or famous enough and therefore why even bother. I’m pretty sure others have fallen into this rut before.

So I won’t be a Celebrity Videographer… so what. If 10 people really like my work does that make those people any less important then 1,500 people liking my video? No it shouldn’t. I should be happy that those 10 people enjoyed my video and that I enjoyed making it. That should be enough.
I will end this by saying there are other factors that are coming full circle which will help me push forward with my Videography.

First I made friends with another Videographer who will be working with me (as a team) at Furry Migration and at the same time take a lot of the “obligation” off my shoulders. Though he’s not local now he will be, and it will be nice to both have someone I trust and respect help out and at the same time just geek out with like I do with my more common Photography friends.

Secondly I’ve been reading on videography and realize I just need to take some of the hints but otherwise just get out and film. Having at least one other videographer I can hang out with and ask questions will help me learn and give me more reasons to practice as well.

Finally I did get a few gear upgrades and now have a “golf bag” of video equipment as I do with my Photography gear. I like having options. Even if I can’t afford the top of the line equipment having different gear for different situations in Video works out just as well as it does in photography. Recently I got a really good price on my first “Full Pro” cinema video camera- a Panasonic AF100. It also to some extent merges still photography with video but offers more features (such as extended battery life, XLR inputs, ability to monitor audio and Zebras) while taking all the pros and the quality of videography done with my mirrorless still cameras which take really good video but are limited in some of the features a pro camcorder offers.

I’ve invested a lot of time and money into Videography just as I have my Photography. It would be a waste and a shame to let it all be for nothing and Quit simply because I don’t see myself “good” or “famous” enough.

No, I’m going to push forward with my Video work. And for those who HAVE enjoyed my Videos I’ve uploaded in the past few years: Thank You. Really. It means a lot.

I will learn, I will get better. I’ll never be the “best” but at the same time…

Do I have or even WANT to be?

I've come to the conclusion that it is time for me to Change and re-focus my life. And while Change is difficult it can also be rewarding.

I was going to do an entire journal just about how my life has changed from one thing to another, but then FA went down during the middle of my post; and while I have it saved... I'm going to look at the same inspiration but broaden it a little, focusing more on the future then the past.

The past is important as you learn from it. If you don't learn from both your past successes AND mistakes then you are not going to change. It's all about realizing that being Human means you are going to make mistakes, but you are also going to succeed. If you focus too much on either your failures or successes it can be dangerous.

When I was in Highschool I was very socially awkward. I had few friends and zero self confidence. Then I fell into the Furry thing and my life started to change. I felt and overwhelming urge to give something back by running local events and becoming staff for conventions. And at the same time I saw a few ugly things and obsessed over trying to "fix" or address them. I became stressed. I became bitter. It wasn't something that happened overnight mind you; but yes I did unintentionally start pushing people away while trying to "protect" them. This is the curse of changing from a Omega to a Strong Beta personality. Perhaps I let that take over and in doing so became an extreme pessimist that was over protective. And while being a Guard Dog can have its advantages... at the same time it's a very stressful way to live.

Paranoia and suspicion leads to negativity. Negativity fuels more negativity. I had gone from someone who trusted no one, to someone who was eager to help out and give back, right back to becoming bitter and suspecting everything.

The one beacon of light in all of this has been my Photography and Videography; and while it can be a source of frustration on its own (ANY form of artwork can become a frustration...) it made me realize something:

A photographer or videographer creates a perception. They can take an event that was something fairly mundane and make it seem exciting and full of life, even if those moments were breif, that's all a photographer needs.

As a photographer, if I witness something at a convention that makes me uncomfortable or does not give off a positive vibe do I take a photo of it? Probably not. If I accidentally take a photo of something that gives off a bad vibe do I post it? Absolutely Not.

I've been looking for a way to be more positive. The first step is admitting you have a problem, but just knowing there is a problem is not good enough. One must find a way to fix it.

I now realize there is a clear way out, a way to change. Will it be something that happens overnight? No of course not. Will I be all sunshine and butterflies all of the time? Of course not.

But over the past few weeks I've learned that I can use my photography as both a literal and metaphor way to have a more positive view on life. A direction... a Clear and Positive Focus. My personality requires a focus. It requires a drive. Without that I start to revert to my old self; not confident in myself and others and very bitter. I don't want that.

A photographer takes something very broad and focuses on very specific moments; split seconds in time. They turn that split second into an experience, a moment in itself. An Event photographer is a Librarian of not only their own but other people's memories. When I look at my photography and videography from various conventions and events I never see the Negativity. I only see the positive. It's like putting on a telephoto lens, forcing myself to focus on one thing rather then getting overwhelmed in all the noise and distractions outside of it.

I have a LOT of great memories from the Furry Fandom, as well as life in general. Why should I dwell on the negative ones? Like a photographer I can learn from my mistakes but ultimately those are the photos, the memories that I should hide from others. No one wants to see a blurry, out of focus angry Yarrick. I need to bring only the positive ones forward to display in my Public Gallery. Hence the Metaphor.

But most importantly I learned something. I learned my place in the Fandom. I am not a Director. I am not a Guard Dog.

I am a Photographer. I am a Videographer. It is something to be proud of. I am a keeper of memories and I get a high on watching others have fun. I enjoy it even more when I can share those memories with others.

Yes the Fandom and well Humanity has a number of dark places. But unless you are a Paparazzi a Photographer will not get very far if they dwell on the negative.

A wedding photographer for example would loose his job very quickly if they did nothing but post photos of the family of the Bride and Groom getting into a fist fight. Unless they are both Irish and then I guess that is to be expected :P

Point is, they make their living on making the event look like something positive. Something exciting and full of energy. Something powerful and moving.

My roles as a Volunteer for the Fandom and my other social outlets are changing. By the end of the year I will have stepped down from any volunteer position that is not offering my services as a photographer or videographer. I've learned that I'll never run out of chances to offer my services as one. Even outside the Furry Fandom a Volunteer Photographer who offers their services for free is worth his weight in gold.

So in short: For those who have seen my downward spiral into negativity over the last two years; I'm sorry. I'm trying to change. It's not going to happen overnight but I feel I've made a lot of progress and have my Focus back.

I'm not cut out to be a Board Member, but I did learn a LOT from it. I don't regret it, but at the same time I've choosen a different path. A path that has been there for years but I've been straying from it. If I stay on the path of the Photographer I'll be happy. Those dark places off to the side are no longer my concern. They aren't what is in Focus.

I signed up for the Furry Network Beta: https://beta.furrynetwork.com/yarrick/.

First thing, I'm NOT moving off of FA, atleast not currently. FN is much different and in a way it will also be a clean start. It's not as good at doing long, in depth journals for example so I will try and limit my posts there to much shorter thoughts. I also can't reasonably have a long arse profile that lists all my camera gear but still fits easily onto one screen.

The content posted on FN won't be identical to here either. There may be some cross posting yes, but expect slightly different content on both here and there. I didn't import any of my previous submissions there; so it will be mostly newish content at first with the exception maybe of a few pieces I really want to share in both places.

I also realize that not everyone has access to this site yet either; I got lucky and picked a day when the mods were feeling generous on the invites.

If you follow me here, please feel free to follow me over there. The next few months life is going to be slowing down; and if I have another place I can sneak a peek at work for updates on my phone, it'll help keep me sane. Hitting F5 on my notification page here only goes so far after all...

If nothing else, I want to get better at Networking and Meeting people. So I'm open to new Avenues. And I'm still.... really skeptical of the whole Telegram thing so I have to pursue other options for the moment.

Onto more positive things for the front page of my Journal. What was said before was said and at this point it's history...

I've just got my time off Request for Fursquared in the end of this month approved. I will be leaving Thursday early afternoon and getting in some time Thursday Evening probably in time for dinner. I'll be ridesharing with  innouva and  Eratosthenes . We will be staying till Monday as it sucks having to drive back from a Con on Sunday night...

For what its worth, I will be doing one more Video for Fursquared 2016. Past that point I may be taking a break from videography for awhile except for the Promotional material I'll be doing for  furrymigration as staff. I'm pondering on picking up a cheap shoulder/upper chest video stabilizer for my smaller video equipment. I don't care for the "Chest Burster" style that comes out from a robotic looking arm from the waist and belly. I also want to keep it cheap because after FurSquared it might see some use at Furry Migration but will otherwise be semi-retired for a year or so.

I went off on a Tangent about this earlier, but it comes down to that I often get more credit and attention on the rare occasion I post my photography then with any of my Videography by comparison. It's also because I want to focus back on Photography as well- there are a lot of Photographers in the fandom but they are all very much lone-wolves and very disorganized. I want to put some effort into uniting photographers (and possibly videographers eventually) into a sub-community that well talks to each other rather then just off doing their own thing. And that will in turn will take time from my own efforts; videography is going to take the brunt of it.

Sadly because of my Work I get very limited time off so I won't be able to take ANY more time off till Early Summer. Which means... no MCFC, TFF, ETC. And there seems to be a lull for Fur Cons that I know people going to over the summer... the next con that I'd consider going to after the Early Spring season is Megaplex but that isn't till August. I have NO interest in going to the logistical nightmare that is AC.

So who else is going to be at FurSquared?

I will admit, this is very hard for me. I'm both a Pessimist by nature and a Strong Beta personality. It's a potent mix. What it means is I always see the Worst Possible Outcome of a situation First AND I tend to be very protective and overbearing. I tend to jump to conclusions.

I'll still have mixed feelings for some time over the "Event" that got a lot of Flak on me for what I posted just earlier. I am offering an apology to jumping to a few conclusions without knowing the full story... now that I know a little more about it I still feel Mixed but its a lot easier for me to Overlook it and move on.

As long as people enjoyed themselves and I'm not reading about it in tommorow's Star Tribune or hearing about it on the 10 O'Clock news on channel 9 I'm fine with leaving it and moving on.

I'm sure there are a number of people who view me as a Bigot or a Troll at this point, and let me be very clear that was NEVER my intent.

I'll have to deal with damage control for a bit since it did seem that my last post got a fair amount of attention even if what sparked the fire was a very small part of what I was really more annoyed with at the time (which was the Sexual Harasment of the Tony the Tiger thing- which I will not refute as being anything but wrong and harmful to the Fandom)

But I'm going to move forward. I've already went through and cleaned up a lot of my Journals that were more of a negative theme. I'm sorry for the ruffs and feathers I've ruffled.

The last journal I'll leave up for another 24 hours to settle up a few more replies and apologies. Past that point it will be deleted as well. Those who gave me Positive re-enforcement THANK YOU. And those who gave negative, well you had a right to be mad at me.

Moving forward I am going to try to be more positive and open minded but be aware, this is NOT something that comes very easy to me.

So outside of what I want to do for the Photography bit, which was a wall of text in itself a few other things to work on in 2016:

1. Make new friends, and OR re-acquaint with old ones. I realize that throughout the years people drift apart. I got together with a High School friend I haven't seen in Decades who moved back into the Twin Cities last week and it made me feel really good.

This is to say that I know there are others I am going to fall away from, or who need a little distance from. And there are some people that I simply, cannot ever be friends with. But making new friends beyond acquaintances and realizing that, at times some of those friends may also be friends with one of your sworn enemies... and that can make things difficult. Sometimes I just need to move on and past in order to go forward.

2. Budget my money better, pay off credit cards. I started getting a handle on this last quarter. There are still things I'd like to buy for Photography, and I need to invest money into fixing the boat... but in order to do so I need to cut back on some other spending and not just buy things when I feel like it. Have a better thought out plan for big purchases...


3. Be less Pessimistic. I tell myself this every year, and this is one of the hardest things to do since my nature is to be a glass half empty type.

And I guess that is it for now. Was sick of the Wall of Text thought dump on my front page. This one is quite a bit shorter :)

If you don't like long Journals... you probably don't want to read further. Because this will be a long one. However, I'll try to keep it objective and to the point and not go off on any Rants or Tangents. Because this isn't a Rant persay but just a thoughtdump of what was 2015 and what lies ahead for 2016.

2015 started off, early on (in March) with getting cheated out of a potentially long-term job due to, quite honestly Office Bureaucracy while my boss was on Medical leave. I was working for Healthcare IT and they decided to outsource my job to a cheaper "all one solution" bidder without discussing it with my manager, but rather going around him while he was unable to respond due to recovery from surgery.

I did however make it through my first Board Retreat for MNFurs and at the time was still feeling pretty good about my place there.  faelyncypher and I were (and still are ^^) going together and for the first time ever I had a steady relationship on V-Day though we mutually agreed it is nothing more than an overly commercialized holiday; and ignored it except for 1/2 price candy the day after >.>

Needless to say, 2015 started off pretty bittersweet. I spent a lot of my time Unemployed doing little road trips across MN, IA and SD. It helped get the edge off, and I finally got access to some funds in a retirement account from my old (and now ironically current) employer that got cleared up which ended up paying for these trips and helping keep me afloat for a few months.

Right as my UI was about to run out; I got an offer from a sub contractor for my old company on a different contract they had in Burnsville doing IT for an Aerospace parts manufacturing facility. It was contract to Perm and I got converted in less then three months, which is where I'm still working now. Unlike the previous job I held with said company, it was a steady-slower pace and I was working as part of a team; so if I called in Sick or took off Vacation the world didn't end and there was someone else able to cover my tickets and work. My work related stress, other then the odd occasional one off stressful day/week (but who doesn't have a few of those) went and remained way down into the start of 2016.

Then in June, I got into my first Major auto accident. My car got totaled. As I was making a left turn on a Yellow turning to Red a car I didn't even see coming had swerved around the car ahead of me slowing to stop at the light in order to make a stop. I was not injured at all - I didn't even get a minor bruise or whiplash for which I am very thankful for. The car, which I only had a year and was brand new when I bought it, took the brunt of the damage as I got nailed by an accelerating (not braking) car in the passenger's side engine compartment.

The car got totaled. Fortunately I had been working a new job for a month when it happened; if I was out of work I would have been screwed. I wouldn't have been able to burn my savings on a downpayment on a new car; and I wouldn't have been able to get a new Bank Loan. Luckily for me, it did NOT happen a month earlier when I was between jobs.

The paperwork and legal stuff was a nightmare. It took a week just to get the car in for an estimate, about a month total before I got the car totaled and cleared so I could get a new vehicle without being stuck with two car loans at once. My insurance company wanted to HANG ME out to dry for 100% of the fault for the accident. The Police Report along with an admission of guilt from the 15 year old driving the other vehicle got it flipped around to a 20% fault on my part; which was a lot more reasonable. I was in the intersection though the other car swerved around another vehicle and ran the red and accelerated rather then braking.

When the Dust settled, the Silver lining is I was able to get a new car, and I had put a ton of miles (35,000) on the car I had totaled; which was more then I ever had (and probably ever will) in a single year. This means the new vehicle won't have as much wear and tear on it when it reaches its first birthday; and I got a slightly larger, more comfortable ride in the process. The downside is I was forced to buy at one of the worst car buying times of the year, when all the old stock had been liquidated and the new stock was just coming in. Most dealerships were short on supply, only had "Next Year" inventory and thus were NOT running any sales or promotions of any kind. I had to pay pretty close to MSRP for my new vehicle rather then being able to get it for 5-7k off....

At the end of summer my boat broke down on a fishing trip in WI. The gear shift box completely wore out, causing me not to be able to shift gears on the outboard regardless of how many times I reassembled the gear box. Since it wouldn't shift into Neutral it wouldn't start. It still hasn't been fixed. I didn't have the finances nor the time to fix it; more then jury rigging the electric motor to give it limited useage during the Fall.

Towards the end of the year, I started becoming more stressed, not due to work, not due to Relationship things (those were both going swimmingly) but due to the fact I was doing well just too many things at once for Volunteering in different areas.

The fishing trip where my boat broke down made me start to realize there was more to life then doing everything I possibly could do for the Furry Fandom. It helped me re-define who I was and realize I had a common shared skill or talent that was useful across many different clubs and non-profits alike, something that was in High need ironically in a world saturated with cameras; and that was my Photography.

---

I had to take a step back and realize that Photography above ALL other things (Including my dabble with Videography) was what I was good at, what I was known for, and what people looked for and wanted.

In the world of Videography - the Demand and attention is very fickle. It's a Thankless job and has very specific niches, IE getting hired to do a promotional film which is where most of my Videography will henceforth lie.

I got burned out at Midwest Furfest this year running gaming. I found myself stressed but more then that realized I did NOT have the passion for the Gaming department that I once did. My heart, just wasn't in it.

Photography at MFF caught my eye. It was something that I missed doing hardly any of at MFF and each year I became increasingly regretful that I wasn't able to get any good photos from MFF. I was too drained from my gaming staff duties at MFF to take Photos when I was all said and done. I was lucky if I had the energy to go around with a Video camera, which truthfully DOES take less energy then framing and taking photos.

---

So 2015 in two words: Eye Opener. I had a brush with my own mortality in a situation that could have easily gone another way. My faith in my Photography was restored at the cost of having to admit that I am NOT a Leader of the Furry Fandom. None of what I really am qualified to do or makes me happy any more revolves around running major events, and I don't have the Charisma to lead. Instead, more people look to me for my Photography, and I had been ignoring them; Thinking to myself "Oh I don't get as much attention as such and such".

By that token, it also reminded me a lot of how most photographers are off in their own little world. They don't work together. They don't post their photos or have a good means of advertising themselves and thus people just think they don't post any photos and go on Rants "I had so many people take photos of me at X Con and I didn't see a single one of them! Photographers are lame!". That seemed to be a pretty loud rant from the Fursuiting community towards the end of 2015.

---

Which brings me into my Resolutions for 2016. There is one really BIG one, so I'll go into that and kinda put aside the more minor ones:

Having put a great amount of thought into this: I see a problem with Photography. It's present in general society, but its RAMPANT in the Furry Fandom. This is not one that I cannot solve by my own but I am one of the best candidates to help lead a charge to change it.

The problem is twofold: both on the Photographer and the Subject. Like many things, a lot of it has to do with communication.

On the Subject: I RARELY get asked by a suiter I took a photo of where I am posting my photos. There is an assumption "Oh they'll just put it on Facebook right now and it will be super easy to find. I don't even know his name but I'll still be able to find it because it will be the first thing I see as soon as I open my Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/etc and it will just magically appear, right there, photos of ME"

For the Photographers: We need to stop being Lone Wolves. We need to work TOGETHER as a PACK. If we are AWARE of each other rather then just sitting in our own little worlds... we can realize that every photographer has their own group of followers. But not everyone who follows one photographer is going to know about the other photographer who just took their photo; and therefore assumes that since couldn't find it the other photographer is Lame and doesn't post any photos.

But if I was there, at the Convention and knew of other photographers who were out shooting... I might be able to point said person "Oh I didn't get any photos of you... but I know RedFox12 was also out taking photos too. Maybe you should check them out? This is their site...." We can start promoting each other.

Most Photographers are Introverts. We hide behind our cameras. We have a hard time starting a conversation and prefer just going back to hiding behind the camera to take more photos.

We are also Artists and therefore Perfectionists. We sometimes have problems letting others see our work because we either don't think it is good enough or get distracted by a new shiny, a new event, and start snapping more photos before going through and posting the ones we like from our last event because we think these new photos will be "better".

Maybe the Photographer DOES post them, but only shares the photos with a select group of people that they know will give them infinite praise... because lets face it, Artists are Ego driven, and Photographers ARE Artists. We thrive on people complimenting us on our work but at the same time fear criticism including our own. The Photographer is always his own worst critic.

Being socially awkward creatures we are, many Photographers don't carry business cards. I'm guilty of this one to the letter. I print a few out then I either forget to hand them out, or I run out and forget to print more.

So in the end, people just assume we don't post any photos because they can't find them. A lot of us do, but they may not be in an obvious place. Plus we look at Thousands upon Thousands of photos - and many of us only have the time to put up the ones we like.

I want to see people able to find their photos. I want to see Conventions have better coverage for Staff Photographers... A convention the size of MFF you'd think it'd be easy to get people who'd be willing to take photos and get a shiny staff badge for it... on the flipside; I'm walking into a department that was hurting for good help. Many many Fandom conventions are in the same situation. Some don't even have a photography department at all.

Its Easy to get a Professional Photographer hired for money. Its Incredibly hard to get the same service for someone as a Volunteer for FREE.

A lot of this is about letting go. Knowing that while credit where credit is due for the photographer is nice, its far more rewarding that people actually see your photos.

So in recap, my BIG resolution for 2016 is this:

-Slowly step down and sunset my duties in the Fandom outside of Photography. This won't happen overnight and I will still be helping with Logistics for events in 2016 but I'll be slowly cutting back in stages. By the end of 2016 I will only offer my volunteer services for Photography regardless of the event or non-profit I am helping with.

-Create events and opportunities that help Photographers learn and network with each other. I've already started this in the latter half of 2015 and even within my pilot test group it has done really well. This includes revivng  photografurs once and for all on FA, running photography panels and meetups at just about every convention I attend, etc. I may not have time to do as much as my grand scheme allows- but that will come in 2017 for sure.

-Focus all of my remaining time into doing Staff Photography. This means I'll be doing a circuit of conventions as a Staff Photographer; something I was trying to do but never had the time to implement fully. Get done with one convention, edit my photos; give them to the Con, move onto and prep myself for the next event. My studio strobes are going to see a lot of use in 2016 and even more in 2017; this is what I bought them for. Why have all this specialized photography gear if it rarely gets used?

---

For 2016 I'll be a staff photographer at the following conventions: Anime Detour, Mars Con (Sci-Fi) (probably), Furry Migration, Anime Fusion and for the first time: Midwest Furfest. MFF will be the big show for me. That will be my A game; and I haven't been so excited to work that con since my first year as gaming staff. Another con or two might get thrown into that mix for 2017, as well as other events such as the local Zoo's annual Halloween fundraiser.

This is refreshing because I really didn't want to step down from MFF, but I was getting burned out after doing the same thing for 9 years in a passion of mine that is still there, but sunsetting and that is Gaming.

Photography, even doing the Studio stuff brings the action to me. The hours can be long, you are on your feet a lot and constantly moving around to get better angles. My body is sore after every convention and event I'm a staff photographer at. But at this point, its the one thing that still makes me feel that I accomplished something and made someone smile. It's totally worth it.

I'm not a Fursuiter. I can't draw.

I'm a Photographer... and Damn Proud of it. And I want to help instill the same confidence in other Photographers... because it can get quite overwhelming.

In the modern world, cameras are everywhere. Anyone can take a camera, push a button and take a picture. Selfie sticks are the Bane of all existence...

But it takes someone Special to be a Photographer.

Placeholder for now since I don't want my last rant on the top of my journals anymore. I'll be composing a much longer one decompressing about 2015 and looking forward to 2016 later; there is much to be said about both.

For now, I'm just relaxing on my last day off and preparing myself for a light work week followed by two New Years celebrations with friends in the later part of the week.

I'll try to keep this short... I guess I just need some direction...

I've been a Photographer in the Fandom for some seven years or so; whether officially or unofficially. Although I don't post a lot of photos up when I do (espically on Twitter) my Fursuit stuff tends to get a decent amount of attention/praise/etc. It means to me that I should probably post more...

On the flipside, I've also dabbled with Videography since 2013. That doesn't seem to get nearly as much attention compared to other furry videos on Youtube even stuff that was taken with a go-pro or a pocket camera which I can obviously see a lot of technical flaws with. I have decent, not Pro level gear but Decent gear for Videography. I threw a good chunk of money at the gear I currently have even though I looked for deals and Used equipment when I could find it. Much the same with my Photography gear...

Lately I've been LUCKY if I can get 300 views and more then 5-10 likes whereas go-pro video gets 1k-3k views and 50-100 likes; RTs and Praise on Twitter. I Don't get it....

There are some Videographers in the Furry Fandom that deserve the praise and attention they receive. Others I have absolutely NO CLUE why they are getting attention, and mine are being practically ignored...

When I do a video it takes anywhere from 8-14 hours of Real Time to import review my footage, make cuts, title cards, slide in transitions etc. And while I do have a lot of fun doing it; it does admittedly cut into time I COULD be editing or taking more Photography instead.

So I'm at the crossroads of what to do. Whether I should take a break from Videography except where its part of my job (IE  furrymigration ) and focus almost entirely on my Photography which seems to get more attention as-is from people... or to figure out how to market myself so that my work is actually being viewed and shared beyond a handful of people.

I'm happy with my Photography, infact I know I need to do more of it. I know there are more photographers in the Fandom then Videographers which is WHY I started wanting to get into Videography. That said... when my Photography is what people watch me for and tend to ignore my Videography... maybe I should take a break from the Video for awhile and focus my efforts into doing more Photography instead...

Since I have wrote my official letter to my programming lead and have informed my staff... it's time to let the cat (or wuff in this case?) out of the bag.

After nine years of being Gaming staff at Midwest Furfest, six of those being the head of the gaming department I am stepping down. It has been an amazing ride... I helped shape something that was fledgling and nearly dead and turn it into a miniature convention within a convention of sorts. I'm very proud to have been a part of that... and the praise I got the last few years didn't make my decision to step down easy. At All.

A lot of what I do for various conventions and non-profit organizations is very thankless work. It takes a LOT of hard work to gain respect of your fellow staff members say nothing about the Attendees of an event. MFF I have the respect of both. I have three wooden plaques that hang on my computer room wall which prove this, one coming from my last year. Now I'm letting it go. Why?

Let's first rewind to the start of this story. To a much younger Yarrick. Who lived a sheltered little life inside his own bubble. Who had a very hard time making friends and talking to anyone outside of the internet. Gaming became an icebreaker for him. MFF was my very first convention for well anything back in 2003.

As I was very big into gaming, much more then I am right now... I naturally gravitated towards that area. I ran games as a GM for the first couple of years and then in 2005 the gaming department hit a major snag. The gaming head quit right before the convention and it seemed that it was going to disappear altogether. After talking with the programming head at the time, who also left that very same year, I decided I wanted to break out of my shell and start giving back to a convention; a Fandom; a community that had transformed my social life.

It was not an easy path. I had to prove myself over the next three years that I was capable and reliable. At the same time I had to prove that gaming was a valuable thing to have at a Furry convention. There were fights, there were battles. Maybe small ones, all things considered but for me they were a big deal. This was my one chance a year of being something more then a quiet awkward gaming nerd who was fighting to keep a stable job in IT. This was the time I could be the Captain and take command of something. Without Midwest Furfest I would not have any ambition to staff other conventions such as  furrymigration or help out other non-profit organizations that I continue to support even if my roles are changing. MFF is no exception to this.

I'm still an introvert... that part will never change. I have a hard time making true friends that are more than just acquaintances; though I've certainly got better at it. I'm horrible at small talk and tend to be quiet a lot unless I have a means to break out of my shell such as gaming or my Photography.

The last few years have been very draining on me, as I suppose its fairly common for any Convention staff member who does the same job for Nine years. It really started towards the end of the 2013 convention. I was really getting involved with building up MNFurs and this became an obvious conflict. It became even more of a conflict when I became a Board of Directors member shortly after.

I came very close to throwing the towel in after the 2014 con, and I had created some panic amongst the ranks of the staff that I was leaving even though I was only thinking about it. I won't go into what happened that one Saturday night last year as many people have their own memories of what happened. But it did fill me with some conviction not to leave MFF hanging. I came back strong that I was going to do another year as the Gaming Head at MFF.

I expected to have a Jubilee of sorts this year. That I would come back and everything would be great. And I did have my moments. Gaming overall ran very smoothly. We had a few issues, one of which, not surprisingly was with the same group we've had issues with in the past. But they were all very MINOR compared to previous years. We also proved once again that Video Games were a popular thing to a few skeptics ten fold over.

I started to fight over the way some things were handled with my Second at the convention... which is something that had never happened before. In previous years he and I were always on the same page... and I was never "questioned". This told me two things: One I was starting to let it get to me.. and Two... that he had a point and well... Maybe he'd do things better or at-least differently then I would have.

I'm stepping aside to hopefully let someone else, who I have FULL confidence in bring some fresh ideas and give him the chance to steal the spotlight. Someone who has been my Wingman from day one... and while I can't simply "Assign" him as my replacement I gave the best recommendation possible to the programming director on his behalf.

I'm stepping aside, NOT down. I still plan on being Staff for Midwest Furfest and I have a possible opportunity arise that I am jumping at. I can't fully disclose what that is yet as nothing has offically been set into motion... but let's just say its something else that plays into my talents that I very much enjoy doing for other conventions *weak smile* I don't need a "Break" persay.. but a change is well deserved.

While I was in Tears at closing ceremonies and as I left the Hotel this year... looking back at what I was letting go... I'm very excited for next year... in fact I haven't had this level of excitement or conviction for next year's MFF since I started as staff back in 2006. The year I decided to drive to Chicago and Back by myself in the same day to attend a staff meeting and prove "hey yes I want to do this"

If the cards land where I'm hoping they will fall it will mean proving myself all over again. Starting from scratch with a new department, a new team to hopefully help another part of the convention grow and evolve. Its a new challenge, but with that new challenge will be Earning that respect all over again... just as I had to back in 2006. Sure... People know me and it may not be as much of an uphill battle but it'd still be a new challenge.

I'll miss working for Gaming, but I will still be helping them out next year. Helping to train my replacements as I get ready for the next adventure, the next challenge at the same time. I may be pulling double shifts next year... but that will fill me with knowing a change is coming,

Bring it on.

I'm going on another life rant because it seems that's about all I use FA for anymore. Since Live Journal and such is not really a thing anymore... and twitter only supports micro-rants I have to do more indepth updates here.

Before I continue I should mention I was pretty pissed at the world over this but I am moving on as I can't stay mad at myself and the world forever. I have part of a large convention to run next week so it's pretty petty of me to obsess over personal health problems.

Also possible TMI. If you don't like Dental Stuffs you probably want to stop reading. But I'm not going to go into any gory details just more the inconvenience.

On the last day of Furry Migration as I was out with friends for dinner I broke my very far back molar on the left hand side. Because of new insurance (I had JUST gotten on Full Time for the company I was working for) the soonest they could get me in and take a look at it was a month later on the first of October. Strike One.

When I had my first appointment to do the crown prep I chickened out because the office I'm at doesn't have gas anastehia. I pushed it off a week till I got some sort of anti-anxiety oral medicine that really didn't seem to do much... but I managed.

When I went back in the first crown prep went pretty smoothly. But I had not expected it was going to set in a chain of events that meant I would have to suffer through not one but two out of town trips with a temp crown that could pop off at any time; one of them being Midwest Furfest which I am staff at next week *sigh*

Second time in was the start of "this isn't going as planned". They had a hard time getting the temp crown off, then when they got it off they realized the full crown didn't fit correctly. They put temp cement in for the new crown and then sent me on my way, promising they'd get a new one before MFF.

I was left hanging for two and a half weeks. Enough time had passed that the cement had weakened and the crown popped out while at dinner with friends. That was an experience I did not want to have to repeat... but would end up anyways...

They called back "Oh we can't make a crown that fits right so you'll have to come back and get another prep done." I made another appointment, becoming dangerously close to MFF now...

Went in and did the new crown prep. This one was more complicated and annoying then the first. I could tell the Dentist was frustrated with how it was going... never a good sign. She cemented back in my old perm after she had mutilated it to fit in the new tooth slot at a 45 degree angle.

It bit into my gums and I could tell right away it didn't fit right. The next morning, which was yesterday it popped right off without any effort... I wasn't even eating anything like what happened the first time. Had to leave work for two hours to have a new temp that actually fits made and re-cemented. Luckily it was slow and my boss was willing to let me burn my lunch break and stay at work for an hour instead of taking more sick time for this.

So the new Temp seems to be fitting the best of any of the temp or perm crowns I've had. And I've had the least amount of pain and sensitivity with this one. I'm down to only a few advil a day and that is mostly for soreness of the jaw and gums where they worked on vs the tooth itself.

But thanks to Merica and shutting down everything for an entire week because of well, Today I'm stuck with it till AFTER MFF. I have to eat my thanksgiving dinner extremely slowly today and when my dad is on his third plate I'll be only halfway done with my first...

Eating feels like I'm a toddler who is teething right now. I guess there is some truth to the beginning life and ending life in the same way... slowly we become invalids again.. and apparently that starts happening in your mid 30's...

That all said... I guess I can be Thankful today I don't have something debilitating like a broken leg or a life threatening disease or something... so that said... tooth issues for something that should have been fixed in a month but instead is taking three is not the worst die roll I could have gotten...

Still... ugh... one of the chapters in my life I'll be thankful when its all over in another few weeks provided no more complications arise :/

A placeholder for right now until I have something to talk about other then me ranting.

But I did manage to do some photography for a change at the  mnfurs Fall Picnic. Meaning I actually have some new content on my Flickr.

I'll post a few here... but he rest of my Fall Picnic photos can be found on My Flickr Album Here

Enjoy!

The first thing that you can stab people with the same thing, and I apologize if the person who is the best of all the time to get the best of luck. I am available to help you out. It will also need a good day hanging on the phone. I have a few ideas for your business and the other side of the bar.

It was either sent to just you and your family and friends. We have 30 days no questions asked to receive your Electronic tickets. If you can't accept it I'm moving on.

The best part is that you are not useful. However we NEED to keep your eyes.

He was the only one who has the same thing as the best of all of the mistake. Do you know if you need to wake up in my life and the other day.

I am very interested in the future of the day. I'll handle it.

The Canon again for your business and look at it. The only thing that you can have with the new version of this message is prohibited.

This year was my second year as the Photography/Video head for  furrymigration and I made one major mistake which impacted my entire weekend:

I underestimated the amount of staff I needed. For anyone who's ever staffed a con you know this is one of the Fatal errors. And I should have learned this lesson a long time ago with Midwest Furfest...

I kinda saw it was coming; so I said "Okay I'll do video and just video. I won't bounce back and forth between photography and video. And I'll be FINE" That probably kept me from becoming DEAD, but I very much underestimated how much work "Just Video" would be.

I made the assumption that its a lot easier to get Skilled Photographers then Videographers; which in our local community is true. We have a lot of talented Photographers... Videographers that can be bound to a set schedule and limits around here are a very very rare breed. I kinda touched on this in my last Journal post.

What I underestimated is how much just the Stock Videography (Keeping tabs on recording of Mainstage and Panel programming video) alone would take. And really, that by itself is almost a full time staff position.

I spent a lot more time with setup then I had expected. Poking myself with a knife (albeit not very deep. Just deep enough to make it sore and irritating) in the left thumb during setup made things annoying as well.

In the end, I got hours upon hours of video. Much like I expected to happen. However, I did miss some content I was aiming to record because I slipped on checking on a battery or a tape; or in one case the schedule got changed and I was too busy running my tail off to check my twitter, con book or other sources to see that it had changed.

I got a lot less wandering video then I wanted. Yes I did manage to get some, and for sure can put together atleast one video from it... but there were a lot of things I missed. I didn't get any video outside of the hotel when a few daring souls wore their costumes downtown. I didn't get any video in the lobby and other common spaces other then when we dumped the Fursuit Parade down there. I didn't get any video of people interacting with the Delorian, or the Pinball machines or... *sigh* I could go on.

In short, I learned my lesson (Again) that for Photography and Videography at a con its really really hard to pull it off as a one man show. During the Con I recruited atleast 2 staff photographers... one more who may help out when he can as he is staff for another department already.

Admitting where I fell short, I put a post out for help for Video next year right after the Con was over. I got two responses within the next day; one of whom defiantly knows his stuff and I feel perfectly comfortable putting in more of a Lead position for Videography next year.

This year... I'll do the best with what I got. I have enough content to still make things entertaining. I may be able to fill in some holes if other people are willing to throw video from Furry Migration 2015 my way (Yes please and Thank you!)

Next year, things will be different. Like MWFF I'll have an actual staff chart laid out. I'll have set hours for people. We will spread everything around so no one gets burned out and we all get the ability to enjoy some of the convention; it really didn't happen for me minus the one thing I got to do which I wanted to do which was the Nerf War...

So now back to editing video and making due with what I have content wise. I know I still got some good content that will be fun to post up (I already did a video on the Nerf War on my Youtube, which I will put up as a submission soon)

So I'll let the cat out of the box. I won't tell my Full Legal name because that would be just... stupid in a public FA journal. I can however disclose my shorthand first name which is a very common one: Chris.

I guess this is an extension of an earlier journal in which I said I wanted to re-focus a few things in my life, and what I did for the community. I've taken two weekends away from MN by "myself" to put some needed seperation in. One was working for another Furry Nonprofit but was out of state- but this weekend's adventure had NOTHING to do with furry at all.

I belong to a fly fishing club; yes I know that sounds "silly" to a lot of people and a very Niche thing,,, but in reality is Furry any different? Anyways... In my previous journal I mentioned that I was asked to be the photographer for this group; and this weekend was one of their events.

So I had an entire weekend away from Furry entirely. And an entire weekend away from the drama entirely because the cell phone service up North was very patchy. I put the phone down; and while those who had my number may have been able to reach me in an emergency in the evenings, I more or less was off the grid entirely. And the only name I was known and referred to was by my birth name "Chris".

I drove up with the President of the club (Which is a 501 C7 Non-profit so there are a few simmilarites between that and MNFurs) in my car. We both brought way more gear then either of us actually used D:. It was about a 3 hour drive up to the cabin we were staying at.

Night one was just dinner at a local tavern then drinks and a bonfire. It was a small group, eight and all but considering it was both a full weekend trip and a longer haul from home that was to be expected.

Sat the group had breakfast at a local sweedish cafe with amazing food. The group split up into who would fit onto each boat, the club president and I headed out to the lake we were going to fish.

Launch the boat, and it won't start. Fiddle around with it for 30 mins, still won't start. Battery charge and terminal connections are all good. The control box feels extremely loose and the motor is not shifting gears; it won't go fully into Neutral therefore it won't start.

I took the control box apart, reseated everything, then put it back together. Tried again. Still same thing - nothing. So as of right now for the immediate future my boat is out of comission till I can find and get the control unit replaced :/

We head back to the cabin, do some fishing off the dock. Manage to get a few small sunnies and crappies. Afternoon we go grab lunch and then hit the Fishing Hall of Fame in town. Yeah... its a huge Tourist Trap... but it was the easiest way to burn some time. We find out that the club had put together a display which was still there at the Museum which was really neat to see.

I still got to fish on a boat today. We rotated boat positions and they rented a boat from a local resort to fill in for the two that didn't have a spot. Fishing was slow but I managed to catch one smallmouth bass. I got a decent amount of photos and video; though I was running very light on my equipment worried about the potential to get wet. Just my water-resistant Olympus with the weather sealed lens and the Sony Go-Proish camera. Dinner and drinks at the bar after; said our goodbyes and the club president and I headed back for home.

TLDR: I had a relaxing weekend that was well needed. I switched gears and fully dropped the "furry" thing for a weekend and still enjoyed myself and had a lot of fun, enough that the boat breaking down could not ruin it.

I live a dual life. I probably always will; there may be a time where said duality intersects again- which happened once when my parents found out that I was at MFF last year due to the international news of the incident that happened at the hotel. But it's not something I am going to push nor force to ever happen.

I have NO plans to "stop being a furry" nor do I plan to quit helping that community. But it is nice to be able to spend a weekend as "Chris" and enjoy myself. It's been a good while since that has happened.

I hold two Convention Staff positions within the Fandom: I'm the gaming head at Midwest Furfest (which has been my longest running volunteer position for well... anything now) and as of last year I am the head of Photography for  furrymigration. Both are doing something I enjoy- which is why while I'll be trimming down on what I am doing for the fandom as of next year; I won't be cutting either of these con staff positions.

This journal is about the latter since Furry Migration is well, only a few weeks away o.o; FM is a new con (2nd year) and the Photography department still needs to be filled out; much like MFF did when I took over gaming seven years ago. I'm going to be loosing some of my staff come next year; but its too close to the con to really work on the department HR wise this year- needless to say that's something I need to put some of my diverted effort and time into next year.

The really interesting thing is its a lot easier to get Photographers then it is Videographers, at-least in the sphere of influence of FM. Well ones that are willing to be tacked down or have the skill and interest on doing more then just a personal video of their experience at the convention with their friends or of the Fursuit parade. That's not what I need.

Last year I tried to Juggle both still photography AND Videography for the con. I'm pretty sure both suffered a bit as I could not focus on one. So as much as its going to feel wierd trusting my staff to take 99% of the still photography; I think that is what is needed.

I'm a photographer that dabbles in and just started to get serious about videography. I think videographers in the fandom get a lot more attention then Photographers simply for the fact there are a lot less of them... but that's a whole nother discussion I'm not going to get into at this point.

As of right now... I have a workable staff of Photographers for the con. i am the ONLY Videographer. So that means this year I'm going to be doing something very different at the con and with my post processing.

I'm going to be the full time dedicated con videographer. Which means while I have two panels on Photography at the con and will be supervising the Photographers I will be running around with a video rig the entire time instead. I've done so many volunteer positions for photography its going to feel wierd not having an SLR with me, just my Olympus PEN which also happens to be my backup for Video.

I have three dedicated cameras ready to roll, covering Mainstage, panels, and Wandering videography. I have the Olympus PEN around as a backup and to take a few really quick snapshots for mostly personal use.

It's going to be a different experience. Yes I have been shooting video at other cons I've been to but this will be different. I need to bring my A game knowing that I'm still a realitive novice with Videography compared to my experience with Photography.

I'm not going to fill out a FM Meme: but basically I can sum it up as this: I will be the big guy running around with the really big video camera. I'll stick out like a sore thumb if you are looking for me if I have my gear on :)

If you are at FM and I take video of you, I reserve the right to use it in offical promotional material/ my con memories video unless you request otherwise. One nice thing about videography vs photography is I can get a clear record of if you don't want to be filmed even if I already recorded you without having to carry around a pen and paper. As with my Photography, I generally target fursuiters first. But I do record audio. If you say something that amuses me to the camera, suit or no suit there is a good chance you will make it into some sort of video.

If you WANT to get recorded and make it onto the footage from the con that will get posted to Youtube my advice is: be interesting. Be interactive. Realize I am shooting VIDEO. The worst thing you can do is sit there and strike a static pose, with one very creative exception that I have from this years Fursquared video.

And this goes for ANY convention I am shooting video at. Whether I am the "official" video guy or just doing it for fun. If you interact with me there is a pretty good chance I will use you in my video... somewhere.

I am looking forward to FM in a few weeks to use my equipment, maybe learn a few new tricks to video recording and editing, and get another video or two up on my Youtube channel (I haven't had anything to really add since Fursquared as I couldn't make Megaplex this year :/)

Also, if you are looking for any content for video from last year's Furry Migration PM me. I will let you know if its something I have recorded or not.

Videography Adventure Awaits!

Life is mostly back to normal, albeit I still have some loose ends of paperwork to tie up with the Insurance/Bank yet.... but it's progressing. The new car drives and performs better then my Ford Edge did, which says something since I really did like my Edge. I've already taken it for some longer day trips and will be taking it for its first real road trip to Chicago next weekend; this time alone, but I'm looking forward to that time as I can use the time to flush out a few thoughts, namely how I go about implementing one major change that needs to take place in my life...

Over the years I have done a lot of different things for various Fandoms, Social Clubs, etc. I've done everything from running small events to larger ones, running a growing programming Track for nearly a decade, and Volunteering my time for Various non-profits for numerous things. And this reaches outside of the Furry Fandom

For a short period of time I ran a gaming community and co-headed a fishing group in the Twin Cities metro area. Both floundered and died simply because I did not have the time to put into them. The last few years... almost all of my time has been put into the local Furry community. And believe me, I do still feel a great desire to help the Furry community out as it has done so much for me in the past. Most of my close friends I've made have been directly or friend of a friend through the Furry Fandom. And I still live a little bit of a "dual life" in the fact that I have enough going on outside of the Fandom that there is a separation, a Divide if you will but that is part of who I am.

But when I spent nearly all of my free time on efforts towards one thing, because I believed in a grand vision, a lot of other things suffered in my personal life that I did not see coming.

Outside of the Furry thing I am a member of Two Photography clubs and a Fly Fishing club. Two of which are fully formed (or a part of one atleast) community focused Non-Profit organizations just like MNFurs is. The other one is smaller but still operates like a Non-Profit for all intensive purposes.

What all this boils down to is simple: I've done a lot of things for these communities, but there is one thing that is common and universal that I have offered my skills as to help out and that is Photography.

The ball started rolling on this just before my Accident, when I went to the Summer picnic for the small photography club I've belonged to for a number of years. I realized that I didn't do much with this club this year since I was so busy with my various duties elsewhere, and it made me kinda sad. I also had a chance to have a very long conversation with a veteran professional photographer, one of the very few who actually was a really nice and cool guy rather then being a camera snob as a lot of career professionals turn out to be. A part of me wanted more then ever to have a studio again and do this as a career. At the same time, I was reminded of the cold reality of just how hard it was to make a living as a professional photographer, and all the stresses that go with having it more then just a "hobby" as I have been on the other side of the fence for a very short period of time...

What ultimately came out of it is I realized out of everything I've done to Volunteer my time I enjoy using one particular skill, something that is Universal and spans the needs of different fandoms, clubs and interests, and that is being The Photographer.

If there is one thing I've learned its that while being a professional photographer is very very difficult being a volunteer photographer is in very very high demand. In the digital generation, any social club or Non Profit Orginization- regardless of subject or interest, has become very visual. The easiest way to get new members and keep people coming to your events is to be able to prove that "Hey we had X event, it was a lot of fun! A lot of people showed up and did X!" and the core behind this visualization is Photography. This becomes a universal truth. Social media is powerful, but without Photography it looses most of its "teeth" if you will. Twitter limits you to 140 characters, where as the old saying goes: "A picture is worth a thousand words".

I've done a lot of Photography for the local group. I have a drive and desire to keep doing said photography for the local group.

The Fly Fishing club, silly as that sounds to most people, is a registered 501c7 non profit with a membership close to what MNFurs has. Recently I've been asked by the president of that Org to be the Club's photographer.

There are other outlets and opportunities for other non-profit organizations I've worked with in the past that I'd like to offer my services to. I was the official event Photographer for Como Zoo for their Zoo Boo event last year which was a huge honor and a lot of fun. I've done stuff in the past for the Alzheimers Foundation as an Event Photographer and I still receive occasional e-mails asking me to come back; I've simply been far too busy with everything else to say yes.

I also want to do more for the local photography groups I'm with and even if I'm not "The Photographer" in this case- they are a very powerful resource to Hone my skills. The last few years my presence at these groups has been very spotty because of my other obligations.

I realize this is a game that needs to be played carefully. In addition there is one duty I have to the Fandom which does NOT involve photography at all and that is being the Gaming Track head for Midwest Furfest. That becomes the exception of this rule. I plan on coming back and devoting a lot more time into being the gaming head at MFF because they both need me, and its a throwback to remind me of who I once was. This year, since things are getting settled down its going to be very rough for what I can do for MFF even- but that will change soon.

At the end of the day, and the whole point of this journal is I just want to be The Photographer. I want to be the artist that can spin a tale through pictures and show communities that yes, this happened and a lot of people had a fun time. Today when the Fly Fishing club president asked me to be the club photographer; he gave the position a very unique title: henceforth they are referring to me as the club's Historian. And when you give it some thought, the title actually makes a lot of sense.

I admit, I am the type of person who often dwells in the past. Memories are very very important to me. Sometimes this can be a curse as it means I tend to dwell on "This didn't go so well... ok WHY?" and have a harder time letting go. But it is something that can be a great strength. And I think Photography and Videography is perhaps the single most powerful tool a "Historian" has to work with in the modern Era.

TLDR: I am tired. I am frustrated at my time and efforts being split into many different things and I'm looking for one Common Focus. I don't want the Drama anymore.

I just want to be The Photographer and able to tell the world "This is what happened" through my Photography. To become the Historian where I can show just the positives without the negatives and Drama. Through my Photography I tell a story; and I have all the power in the world to decide what is in that story is told.

This makes me HAPPY among everything else I have done. Volunteering is very rewarding, but it is very tiresome unless it is something you truely have a drive and a Passion for.

No more Drama. No more Politics. Just Photography. That is my new life Philosophy. And while it will be impossible to avoid drama altogether I'm going to be taking steps to cut out as much as I can.

That said, I know I have commitments; and as much as I'd like to I can't just drop everything to be fully on the path I want to be on. But I have already started in that direction.

So the Accident/Car Fiasco is mostly over minus a few loose ends like making sure my GAP insurance goes through and getting a refund from my old dealer for a check for the remainder of my extended warranty I purchased from them. I have no idea how much it will be but my hope is that it will be enough to pay for the Tow package + install for my new vehicle.

The Insurance company totaled my car. The repair estimate was over 75% of what it was worth. The engine block and transmission compartment got punctured, and it had severe front end structural damage. It got hit just hard enough just in the right spot....

The Bank officially has the payoff amount from my insurance company. The title of the Vehicle has been transfered to the Insurance so they can salvage it. Its gone to a salvage yard somewhere to rot or be stripped apart for parts.

I had a lot of adventures in the year and 2 months I had my Ford Edge. I put on 35,000 miles which is the most miles I've ever driven in a year not counting when I worked as a Courier driver and had a company car. This includes the year I worked as a traveling portrait photographer for a few months. it was an Anomoly and I'll still be a high mileage customer but I don't have the freedoms of being between contract work multiple times in one year and having the time off to go on nearly as many Day trips to burn off stress.

While the Insurance company took forever to get my car towed to the right place, to their credit the rest of the process; which I was told could take up to 10 days happened very quickly and was resolved in three once they had my vehicle. It took another two days worth of car shopping once I had signed over my title to them and gave them permission to salvage my wrecked car. And this was me hurrying it along since I didn't want to be a burden on my parents longer then I had to. My car is also a huge part of who I am as a person - without my own escape vehicle there was just something missing... it wasn't a fun experience and I'm very glad its over.

I could have settled for a used car; but I've lived my life since my second vehicle stating that a car payment was a fact of life as much as paying rent was. I'm not a greasemonkey nor do I have time to wait for an older vehicle to sit in the shop on a semi-regular basis for repairs.

I was pressed for time at any rate, and was at the Mercy of the Dealer to take whatever they had currently in stock and accept the best price I could haggle for in a single night rather then waiting for the next big sales event to happen. I wound up getting an okay price on something I really liked, but the financing I got to be able to take the vehicle off the lot that night for the payment in the range I could afford was shit. I got the short end of the stick on that but at the very least a car loan is something that can be re-financed in the future once I'm in a better mindset to deal with it...

All my savings was spent on the down payment for my new vehicle. I'll have to pay for the towing package out of pocket when I can so I can use my boat again, until then it sits in the garage. Money will be a little tight for awhile; means no new camera gear, no paying off my Credit Cards (other then the minimum payments on both) until I get caught back up which will be a few months out. In the short term this also means I cannot attend Megaplex down in Florida this year either.

Even with the car replaced, as of current I have no way to trailer my boat. Its a temporary setback, but a setback none the less. It just sits and rots during Prime Summer boating season which means one less outlet I have available to relax and burn off stress when its needed. This, like the ability to pay off my Credit Cards as I was planning on doing is thankfully only a very temporary setback.

That all said... I'm feeling Good and am ready to move on with life. Because I can be VERY thankful for a few things:

Job Stability: This Crash happened just days after my employer gave me an offer to go to FT perm employment with a considerable Raise. Once that hits (though it could be a month or more before it happens) I'll be able to recover financially a lot faster.

I was un-injured: Technically I did not have Health Insurance active at the time of the crash. I was making too much money to get on any Federal or State programs at the time. I now have basic health insurance from my stop gap contracting firm active as of 7/1 due to a waiting period of 30 days past hire; and better health insurance options once my transition to Full Time with the parent company is done and I'm no longer a sub-contractor.

No one got seriously injured in the other vehicle, and the other party involved in the crash didn't try to sue me. By all accountable records and the Police report the actual crash should have been a 50/50 fault situation.

My insurance decided to make it 80/20 instead of 50/50 giving me the majority of the fault. I'm not fighting it because even if it got advocated to 50/50 my insurance rate would be the same, it would still be on my record and since there was no speed sensors or traffic light camera to prove that the other driver slowed down then accelerated hard and hit me before the crash instead of braking it would be a hard one to fight unless I absolutely had to IE a Lawsuit over punititve damages. I am 100% okay with it being on my record as is and not having to fight it in court all things considered. No more money comes out of my pocket and my wages won't be garnished should I loose and be stuck with a Lawyer/Settlement bill worth more then my cost of living.

If this would have happened after I was let go from Fairview IE just a month and a half earlier:

I would have been stuck without a vehicle. Or I would have had to burn my savings on the cheapest used car I could find and just pray it didn't blow up in my face. Otherwise I would have had to beg borrow and steal from my parents until I got employed again because I would have been uneligible for a car loan.

It would have been a lot harder to pay the deductible. It would have taken a lot longer to recover from this.

In the end, it all worked out. I'm back to where I was. I have a newer vehicle that is a slight upgrade from what I had before so there has been some Light and Joy at the end of a dark tunnel. I'm ready to start new Adventures with my new roadside companion.

I've uploaded a pic and the details of the new car in my scraps for those interested in taking a peek. It's another road-trip special but the added length adds more interior room for both the passengers and cargo space. I'm winding up with more not less in the end so I am good with how it all worked out :)

As I was coming home with a last minute father's day gift I got T-Boned by an un-experienced 16 year old kid. I was making a left turn on a Yellow light to clear the intersection. Said kid was slowing to a stop but at the last second decided to panic accelerate as I had already started my turn. The car took most of the impact, and sent me spinning into a third vehicle.

Said Kid realized he made the wrong judgement call and was mostly at fault for the accident. He was driving his family and the woman in the back seat who I assume was his mother suffered a minor cut on her forehead. Everyone else walked away un-injured. There would have been next to no damage to both vehicles if he would have continued to hit the brake instead of slamming on the accelerator.

My airbag did deploy and left a small rash on my arm. It doesn't hurt and I have full movement of all of my fingers and arm with no pain. So I am thankful to have walked away without having to go to the ER because technically I am between health insurance until the first of July.

The car insurance should cover the rest minus a $500 deductible. Which sucks... but I easily have more then enough to cover from savings if I need it. It could be much much worse.

The odds are that every driver will be involved in some kind of Accident at some point in their lives. I guess I can be happy that I could walk away from mine. It still sucks, but a car is far more easily replaceable then a limb or a life. Car insurance deductible tends to be significantly cheaper then Hospital bills too; even though yes I know now I'll pay higher insurance rates for the rest of my life...

I guess there is not much more to say. I still have family obligations today as much as I'd like nothing better then to sit and play games today and call into work tomorrow. I've already sent an e-mail saying I can come into work but will have no ability to transport equipment on Monday so it will be a day of Destroying drives and prepping PCs for a pickup on Tuesday. I'll have to either pack a lunch or buy something from a Vending machine...