This week I started a new contract job. Regular hours, good pay, liked my co-workers, job, environment and it seemed like they wanted someone here long term. It really did. They went through the effort of getting me a badge (which was painful since they use Biometrics at the building, ugh) and had my name on the cube day one.

Last night after work I got a call from my recruiter. The dreaded "they cancelled your contract" call. Fuck. Why?

I was being productive. I was getting along. I had done nothing Illegal nor Incompetent. Sure the first two days were slow and I didn't do much but that is to be expected. The last two days I was productive, working tickets and getting shit done.

My recruiter was not, at the time given a reason why they let me go. I'm promised an explanation today; but unlike my last contract that fell through where I could tell it wasn't going to work out this one took me off guard completly.

I had work scheduled for tomorrow, and training for next week. My co-workers/team lead asked me to do a project this morning; and instead I am sitting in a Caribou wasting time because I don't want to break the news to my parents until I know the full story.

I suppose it comes down to the whole idea that workers are cheap. We are nothing but a number, an asset to 99.9% of all US corporations. They can find ANY reason to let someone go. Maybe I looked at someone funny... Maybe HR decided that they were overstaffed on IT and hiring me was a mistake. I have no fucking idea...

All I know is that I'm in a really tight spot right now. I needed this. I really REALLY needed this. My Unemployement Insurance is starting to run out and now its very doubtful I'll be able to get back on it.

I can pay off the rest of my bills for this month. But unless I get a job by oh... the 3rd week of November I won't be able to pay my bills for Next month *sigh*. I'm not sure what to do. I'm hurt.. I'm beyond confused...

I'll edit or make a comment once I find out what happened which will provide some closure but in the long term won't make a shred of difference. I'm still just as SOL right now.

Unless a Miracle happens and I find a job that doesn't want to discard me like a used, soiled rag after a single week I might have to start selling shit just to get through the month. I might have to sell one of my cameras and all the lenses for it...

Right now, there is money in the bank. And against my better judgement I am still going to Chicago to escape all this depressing bullshit of me being a worthless employee for some god forsaken and unknown reason.

I have a non-refundable hotel room paid for this weekend in Schaumburg. I can't waste that. So its time to spend even more money on gas for a trip while I have it.

Because unless a miracle happens and I manage to pull a job out of thin air in 3 weeks: I won't be back in Chicago for Midwest Furfest in December. And I'm staff there. I really really hate the idea of screwing them over but...

I have no idea what else I can do...

First off, to hopefully put a stake in one of my biggest woes (that is hopefully it works out past a week this time *crosses fingers*) I got a new contract to hire job starting on Monday. Same general Help Desk IT I have been doing, good pay rate - working downtown which can be irritating but I may get to occasionally meet  kurst and  mmmatches for lunch on occasion which will be a nice little break in the day.

I'm not going to go much into that till I get past my first week and I have a feel if this is going to be long term or not. Because it would be NICE not having to look for work again for another few years... It's rather irritating when you get stuck beyond the first two months not having work...

---

But as far as the title of this post; this weekend I am volunteering as an Event Photographer for another Non-Profit that isn't MNFurs. It's been years since I have done so - during the last time I was unemployed for a length of time and had a lot of free time on my hands... That free time will go away soon but there are still ways of managing this especially if the event is on the weekend.

Its a 5 day event over two weekends. Last weekend I was obligated to shoot a Anime Convention and this weekend I am volunteering for them for 2 of the 3 days.

The first day tonight went well and I had a lot of fun. I was given a Press pass for the first time, which felt weird to have and did have to explain that I was an internal photographer for the event and not for a Newspaper a few times.

Tommorow I go back for round two. With this plus the Anime con photos I still have to work on too I'll be pretty busy for atleast a few weeks before I can even start working on any "fun" photos. Combined with the fact I now have 45-50 less hours in the day (counting travel time to and from work) I'll be a pretty busy wuff. But its not bad timing.

The weather will turn cold and ugly really soon and the fish have already stopped biting. It's time to begin that part of year where I'm stuck indoors minus a few rare times I can get out for an hour or so before my camera and my tail freeze solid.

To wrap things up: I'm really glad I can continue to enjoy Photography as a hobby and that it is something Conventions and Non-profits find useful even if its really really really hard to make a buck on it. And that is fine by me - I can do the same thing as professionals but with a much more laid back attitude. Being able to have the gratitude for my photography without the need to be "Competitive" is really where it is at, in my mind atleast.

And I wouldn't have it any other way :)

To bury the hatchet in regards to the last post: Nothing has changed - I am still unemployed in spite of having atleast one interview a week and submitting to other jobs. I have another interview on Thursday but at this point I'm not expecting much *shrugs* That said... its time to move on and take things as they come rather then bitch and whine about not being employed...

I've also made my peace with yet another demon that has been holding me down lately. Everyone has Foes and Enemies and people that cannot be trusted. This is Human Nature.

I've been having an internal struggle with one such person who, at this point I'm dealing with in the fact I'm giving them distance even though I'm forced to watch them from afar because of my current duties. But I've handled it the best I can and just acknowledge that situation likely won't change unless one of us moves or motives change. Burning all bridges with someone is never fun, but sometimes it is necessary.

On the flip side, I've made Peace with a few close friends I managed to make mad at me one way or another over the last few months. So I'm relieved to have those wounds healed.

To move along it means to put that behind you, and look ahead to the next challenge. This is something I am typically really bad at. I tend to Dwell on the past and worry about the Possible Future, rather then living in the present. In order to "Move Along" this is something I need to change. The past gives us valuable lessons and thus should never be forgotten; and while its mindful to look ahead and forsee problems before they happen - sometimes those problems are out of one man's control and need to be let go; and just have faith that they will work themselves out in a natural fashion; that people will see true intentions and colors within on their own without having to be the flag bearer trying to drag someone else through the mud to expose their true decit for those who choose not to see. I'm done trying to be that person.

So, the cryptic messages aside: I'm moving forward in life, knowing that yes it may not feel 'Right' at times and will have its own pains; but I'm sick of living in the past and dreading the Future.

This gave me the Drive to finish my  furrymigration photos today which can be seen on my Flickr (Check my profile info for the link - the Furry related one)

In addition, I uploaded a short video from FM2014 to my youtube channel. I'll put a link to it on a submission here soon.

Soon I will get started on the longer one which will be a colab video of content from 3 other videographers and myself. Its the first time I've taken on such a task so it will be interesting (I'm doing all the editing- but the Raw content comes from sources other then my own...); So watch for the submission/ announcement when this is done.

Lately I've been feeling that I'm not good enough for a number of things, but mostly it stems job related.

I've been unemployed since June when my last promising contract expired and the stiff necked Harvard Graduate that took over wouldn't hire me on because I didn't have a 4 year Bachelors degree. Little did I know that this would be a Plauge that would stay with me until today...

I left a stable IT job back in Feb that I had been in two years because I was overworked. Which just boggles me how some of these places with insane workloads like that are throwing away a resume with SEVEN YEARS of experience for a greenhorn fresh out of college with no experience altogether simply because he has a piece of paper that says "I spent an assload of money to learn all these things that do not relate to the job you have open, now hire me".

I'm sorry, that is bullshit. It really is. Now if someone was hiring for an assistant at a Museum and wanted someone with a BA/MA in Anthropology THAT makes sense. But it does NOT make sense where someone with a BA in something that has NOTHING to do with computers is hireable in an IT role and the Veteran that has 7 solid years of IT experience does NOT.

The reason for this post is I just had ANOTHER call with a job that would have been perfect. But no 4 year college degree= no submittal. This is insane.

There are two things that have really prevented me from getting an IT job, one of which is LOGICAL and Fixable - I've been running into a lot of places that wanted Mac experience. But that's a chicken/ egg problem. Once I got hired on a position that uses Mac I solve that problem, but before that it still remains as an obstacle.

The other one, the 4 year college degree is new. I've NEVER ran into this one before. It means that employers are getting incredibly picky and are not filling positions, waiting for the "perfect godsend canidate" to come along.

Let me just say one thing, I WILL NOT go back for a 4 year degree. For one, I cannot afford it, and this is the big one. Two I am already in my 30's; 4 years of my life is becoming more and more a precious commodity.

I'd consider going back for a 2 year associates but it would NOT help with the roadblocks I've been running into. All of the blocks I have been hitting are 4 year degrees. Some even stated that a 2 year degree would not make a difference over no degree.

What is up with this Bullshit? Seriously.

I did have one contract last week that I almost had but I didn't get because I "did not work with the team". That team was full of Conservative Libeterians who would blast Rush Limbaugh and say all that was wrong with the Goverment, espically Obama; and because I did not join in their idol worshiping of the great Limbaugh they did not want me on the team. I wish I was joking here... *sighs* My recruiter called afterwards apologizing, saying I had done nothing wrong and it was not an issue of my customer service skills or technical skills.

I worked well with the end users, I did what was asked to be done; but because of Office Drama I did not get that job. And I was the 3rd person to be turned away...

So IT today: We have openings. But we are being super picky about it and we do NOT want YOU. :/

Had I a time machine I may have went back and kept my old job where I actually had VALUE even if I was extremely overworked.

Now I feel I have about as much value to an employer as a penny and its for utterly stupid reasons.

To add insult to injury now my unemployment is messed up because I took a job for a week. I have to completely RE APPLY for benefits and they put on the "Sit on our ass" time of 2-4 weeks before my account is approved again and I get paid. Granted, I will get backpay for all the time I couldn't recieve pay but this is hardly a solace for me right now...

Maybe I need to jump ship and do something other then IT. The problem is I need to make atleast $17 an hour to pay my bills. I sure as hell am NOT going to be able to make that in retail... And there sure as hell isn't that kind of money in Photography these days either...

Because I need something lighter right now with all the Drama that is flying around and will be for the next few months *sigh*. After a long car ride with a few friends we talked about "Living the Dream". It's a play on what the sterotypical Furry would find to be the "ultimate goal in life" and is meant to be something silly and satirical.

Again, this list is pure SATIRE. It is not meant to be taken seriously and if you take it seriously and get offended then you obviously don't know what Satire is.

What is the Furry Dream:

-It is to have other people pay you for doing nothing but looking important and being popular. Why work 40 hours a week if people will pay you to be cool and awesome?
-To have a $3000 fursuit but have someone else pay for it.
-To spend all day on the couch in Suit and be on video chat so people can see how awesome your suit is without getting it dirty.
-To Fursuit while at the store getting Groceries.
-To be the bestest Artist in the world and get paid to Draw only what you WANT to draw.
-To live rent free in an apartment or basement until you are 95.
-Never have to drive anywhere or own a car because someone else drives you everywhere you want to go.
-Own a very cool car with custom plates "IAMAFOX" but have someone else drive you in it.
-To never have to clean your living space - those piles of Pizza boxes will be useful for something someday.
-Be the Popufur: The cool kid on the Short bus to School
-Hold "Furry Events" and get-togethers but have someone else run them; while taking all the credit that this was run by you.
-Have a really expensive video camera or SLR camera that you didn't pay for and gets used once a year when you want to show it off at a Convention; when your not in Fursuit. So realistically about 5 minutes a year.
-Have someone else write for you and get full credit for it on FA. The Furry Dream is all really  kurst's idea - he is a really awesome guy!
-Have an art commission a day of your character for every day of the year. So 365 x how many years you've been in the Fandom.
-And of course, the money for these commissions is coming out of someone else's pocket; or better yet- the Artist just does all your commissions for FREE
-No rules, just Right
-All of your friends will talk to you over Skype all day long - so you never have to leave the house and burn to a crisp in the evil thing called 'sunlight'

I'm doing a very horrible job of living the Furry Dream....

I wanted to write a followup to the last journal, and my mini-con review of  furrymigration But more of it is going to be a deeper thought dump on just what it means to be con staff and where my Journey for staffing conventions is leading me to since this is currently on my mind. I'll do one for that later this week.

I will however state now that a dedicated staff experience at a con and an attendee are very different. Most people who attend a convention will go on to say "OMG it was so awesome I got to hang out with X and Y and I bought a new tail in the dealers room and got to get in the Fursuit parade!"

Working Staff you see a much different perspective. And on that note I've found out working staff Photography sees it from an even different "angle" as you will if you excuse my photography pun there XD. I'll expand on the present focus later; but let's have a look into my past first:

My staff experience started in 2007 at Midwest Furfest. It was a jump in responsibility that changed me in more ways then I can count. If I would not have become staff for MFF I would have not have built up the confidence I needed to staff the other conventions I've worked with, help  mnfurs become the organization it is today, run and become elected to the Board of Directors for MNFurs, and for that matter being a part of making the first Minnesota Local convention happen.

I've been Gaming staff for MFF for what will be seven years at 2014's con. One year as the second in gaming in 2007, two years as a co-head and four years as the gaming track head for MFF. It might not sound like much until you realize that MFF is the second largest Furry convention in the world. There are enough people that come for gaming at MFF that one could consider those numbers to match that of a small dedicated gaming convention.

Gaming at MFF was in Fluxx (again, unintentional pun XD) when I came aboard. The last Gaming Head quit in the middle of the year, they didn't have time to look for one, and the Programming Head also retired at the end of that year. So needless to say I had to work to rebuild the entire track from scratch. It was a long road, but we've made it into one of the largest and most well attended gaming tracks of any Furry Convention. Its something I can be proud that I am a part of.

This year will be my last year as the gaming head for Midwest Furfest. I'm only able to Juggle what I'm Juggling now because I'm Unemployed. Had I been working Full Time this summer in a 40 hour a week job I would have burned myself out. So I have to let something go; and it ironically is going to be the one that started me on this path that I am stepping away from.

I have to admit I've evolved myself a lot too. I used to be a huge gamer where most of my social life was spent at gaming stores. I wanted so very much to own my own gaming store until I found out it was not feasible to do so and was more or less a pipe dream. I went from game store to game store for weekly events and spent hundreds of dollars on Miniatures for tactical wargames (Many of which I still own).

When I started working staff with MFF Gaming it became a bridge. I changed from the shy, introverted gamer who spent most of his time hanging out at the FLGS to someone very deeply rooted in the Furry Fandom for helping out and running Events. I gained a LOT of confidence in myself and while there are times I do miss that "simpler life" where I kinda just melded into the background and went to these gaming events to have fun for myself; this weekend was a reminder of the satisfaction that comes from helping with something much bigger.

At the very start of the planning for FM a lot of people assumed that I wanted to take the Reigns of the Gaming Department. Without hesitation I declined and really pushed for the Con Photography role instead. It turned out to be a very refreshing change of scenery.

I spent very very little of my free time in the gaming room at Furry Migration. And while I was very busy it just doesn't have the pull for me that it used to. Same goes for Fursquared. And Megaplex for that matter. Back in the day I would camp the gaming room most of the con and now I barely spend any time there. Even for cons I'm not staff at I'm finding myself more and more attracted to the photography and videography aspects - and whether I'm official or not capturing memories that I can share for others to enjoy.

It's hard to say what sparked my interest really in Photography and Videography, in general and within the Fandom.

Since Furry has become so much of a visual Fandom with the absolute exploding community interest in Fursuiting it's hard for me not to enjoy and cherish every minute I have recording video and taking photos at a convention.

I'll never fursuit. I don't want a fursuit. I couldn't see myself in one nor do I have the stamina to make a good fursuiter. But I've found I can be very very expressive with my photography and videography at these conventions. I can turn any event or convention into a work of magic and Art. And there really is something to that.

It also goes hand in hand with my work with Events. What better way to get people excited about an event then to share this Magic with them? Even if I only get a few minutes of real action you'd be suprised at what I can get with that to make the event look like it was a Ton of Fun. Imagine what I can do with an entire convention worth of material...

So while there is always going to be a part of me that is a gamer, I think this weekend reminded me that I am a different person and I need to move on. I have a lot of things on my plate locally, and I may still help out MFF but it could very well be in a different way next year. Or I may take a year or two break from MFF staff altogether and see if they want me/can use me again after that break. I'll see what happens.

And with that, I am spent. I had a real blast doing the Photography/Videography for  furrymigration this year and I hope to grow and evolve this next year just as I did with gaming at MFF. I have a lot of ideas and thoughts floating through my head right now... A lot of which will settle once I've started working on and sorting out all the memories I have captured of everyone who attended and had a blast at Minnesota's own Furry Convention!

So in 2 days (Starting on Friday) Minnesota will be holding its first Furry Convention  furrymigration.

I'm taking a non critical but still important job as lead Photographer and Videographer. It means its my job to record and promote people having fun at the convention- and I've already had a chance to do that. We did a series of promo videos, and I worked with a team as the Director of Photography/ Producer to get these done. While I did not like how the last video turned out at all, I have to admit I had a lot of fun filming it. In fact I had a lot of fun filming all 4 videos. Proof of that can be seen in the Out-takes video on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbPf97KjSVQ.

At first, I admit I was skeptical of how the con would do. A LOT of this has to do with my role on the Board of Directors for the parent organization  mnfurs. It's part of my job to see the worst case scenario and prepare for the impact to the community from it. That being said, I can tell people right now the worst case scenerio is NOT in play. They'll be some internal Drama, but there is with ANY convention. Right now I can't see FM as being anything other then a huge sucess. We've done really well for our pre-registration numbers and those usually speak for themselves come Con time.

Yes its still going to be a nice, small first year con. Its not going to be AC or MFF but that's not what I wanted to see. There is something genuine about the smaller and first year cons that have an appeal for me. And FM will be no different.

So I can say right now, yes I am excited for the convention. I am looking forward to being head of Photography and while its not a make or break role for the con like Registration or Operations it's still important and I will be kept very busy during the convention. And its something I enjoy doing :). I'll help out with the con in smaller ways when and where I can (I allready have) but if you see the big guy running around like crazy with video and photography equipment hanging off of him its probably me :).

Doing a quick Journal so my last Journal isn't at the top and people think we're doing some sorta video shoot at the MoA today D:.

Filmed the content for the 4th video but am hitting a brick wall in trying to get it done. Not going to go into specifics as it is potentially Drama. All I know is that the last video may not be out until the weekend before the Con which disappoints me but it is what it is, and the con staff still find value in getting it out even that late. I'll let people know when it is done...

Am trying to finish up my longer Megaplex video before  furrymigration as after that I will be swamped with photo and video editing from that con (seeing as I'm the Wandering Photography and Video lead). I won't have to deal much with the Studio photography, thankfully other then helping setup and maybe some logistics after the con. For the most part that will all be done by another photographer with the exception of giving him breaks if I'm not overwhelmed doing all the other stuff.

Otherwise today is pretty boring and I'm feeling myself become frustrated. For a number of things. One: Dogs don't trust Dragons and their stupidity/Egos sometimes - I'll leave it at that; a few people might know what I'm talking about but I'm not going to spill it - again Drama. *sigh* It's not all Dragons mind you but one in particular who is making me worry and starting to get on my nerves...

Two, a lot of my friends have been getting burned out, for various reasons (won't list any of them), and that stress has been transferring to me to a point too. A lot of that will be relieved come two weeks from now - but some won't. I've found that I often tend to play the Gunian role among some of the internal staff of our group; I talk and listen to people's vents and frustrations - it fits into my role as community lead for MNfurs and is an important role but it can be taxing on oneself after awhile.

Three- Unemployment. I'm starting to hit the slight panic phase of it. Mostly due to having a reality check after being really really tight the end of this month on Bills. With everything that has been going on this extra time has allowed me to not get burned out with other things so I can consider it a blessing in disguise in some ways. But the longer I stay unemployed the less hireable I become... and the more likely I will have to resort to taking a Shit job again like working in a Tier one Callcenter again *shudders*

Four-  FaelynCypher has been busy with her schoolwork. And I fully support it (Infact I may consider going back to school for Electronics again like I almost did a few years ago if I remain unemployed for too much longer...). But it does mean I've been seeing her a lot less which is a... change. And it relieves me of one stress outlet :/ I don't want to seem clingy at all... and I really am not. But it is a change to get used to after being able to spend so much time with her this summer <3

Anyways... that is blunt and too the point but I just needed to vent myself.

Normally I'd go on a long day road trip to calm off. But since money is tight right now and traffic is going to be Hell anywhere coming into the Twin Cities metro Today and Tommorow because of Labor Day it's not going to happen for awhile *sigh*

So we are filming the last promo video for  furrymigration and I need some willing volunteers (as many as possible!) to come help us out :)

Apologies again for the very last minute notice on this, but I’ve been working with the hotel and this is the only day we have free to film with everything being so tight (and I had to wait until everything was confirmed before posting.)

We are working on completing our Furry Migration promotional series, which means we have one last video to do. And it will be VERY Fursuit heavy! I need as many suiters as possible to come to this, which I know means less people given the short notice…

The location for Filming will be the con hotel itself. (Ramada Mall of America: 2300 American Blvd E
Bloomington, MN 55425) That means yes if you come to this, you will have a sneak peak at fursuiting at the con hotel THREE WEEKS before anyone else does :) How cool is that?

If you have been in one of our con videos before, you are WELCOME back for the last video. This video shoot is open to EVERYONE regardless if you’ve helped out before. Infact I prefer that people who helped with the other videos here (as well as newcomers) so that we can tie all 4 videos together.

We will start filming around 1pm. I will be onsite at around Noon. Meet me at the front doors to the lobby/check in desk between noon and one. There are clean restrooms on the lobby floor for changing else people are welcome to change in the car.

For those interested we can head over to the MoA or another restaurant for Dinner/late lunch after.

Hope to see you guys there!

Because its a thing...

How do you want to be addressed?
Yarrick works just fine :)

Gender?
Male

Age?
32

What do you look like?
Tall, Big. Glasses. I'll have a camera infront of my face 90% of the time...

Where/how can I find you?
I'm the head con photographer/videographer so I'll be everywhere. Look for the guy running around taking photos and video of everything

How are you getting there?
Driving

What hotel are you staying at?
Why is this even a question? We're not big enough to need an overflow yet >.>

Which days will you be attending?
I'll have a room Friday through Sunday. I may be around Thursday Evening as well depends on work and other things if I'm there Thurs evening and Friday AM

Do you do requests?
I don't Art, sorry :/ But yes- I'll take requests for Photography. Stop by the Studio when its open

Do you do trades?
I have nothing to really trade... unless you are talking camera gear in which case, Maybe if its Good...

Do you do commissions?
I could technically charge for my photo studio work. But I'm being nice. Its all going to be FREEE *wags*

Will you have prints, CDs, or merchandise?
Not year one anyways. Year two maybe we can look into doing a photo printer at the studio for Fursuit badges and stuff...

Will you have Art in the Art Show?
Nah (Also... why so many Art questions? o.o)

Who will you be with?
I'll be wandering around with no one in particular most of the con with my cameras.

What is your main purpose for attending?
I'm the Con Photographer/ Videographer. I'll make us look good :)

Can I talk to you?
Of course!

Can I take pictures with you?
I'm generally the guy behind the camera. Most likely I will be taking photos of YOU

Can I touch/hug/cuddle you?
Please DON'T (Unless I really really know you) Otherwise this right is reserved for  faelyncypher <3 <3

Can I hang out with you?
If you don't mind running around the con like a Chicken sure :)

Do you go to parties?
Nope. I plan to remain Sober

Do you fursuit/costume?
Nope - It would take time away from me taking photos of those who do XD

What is the best way to reach you?
With a step ladder (I said I was tall XD) Otherwise I'll be pretty easy to spot. Big guy wearing a vest running around with a lot of photography gear.

Anything else?
I'm going to be a fairly busybody around the con. This is a working con for me, but it will be something I enjoy doing. I hope to be able to take some breaks but that all depends on my staff situation. Also- if you have experience with Photography or Videography and would like to help out PM me :) I ESPECIALLY NEED STUDIO PHOTOGRAPHERS!!!

I took a short road trip yesterday up to Little Falls, MN. These sort of little road trips help me deal with stuff or even just think about random little things I would be otherwise too busy to even think about...

I'm content enough with life as it is for now... while I do have some stresses... I am not at a stressful state as of right now. This could change in a few weeks but... So taking the trip wasn't to blow off stress; It was mostly to slow down and have a breif pause while I contemplated things,

This time the main contemplating factor was my "Fursona" and my place in the "Furry Fandom". I'm not a Fursuiter, I'm not a "Extreme Comic/Cartoon Fan" (that a lot of people close to but not directly to the Fandom associate "Furry" with- which isn't entirely True) and I'm not a Therian (But I have a number of good friends who are including my  faelyncypher So needless to say I have NO problems with the concept ^^)

Historically it started with me roleplaying online as various things, starting out with Feral wolves but eventually leading into Anthros and such. Altough I don't get to RP a lot anymore, I still am a RPer at heart, and I think that explains my Origin in the Furry Fandom enough.

These days, I'm known in the fandom as either a Support person (convention Staff, local Community Staff/ BoD etc...) or as a Photographer / Videographer. Which I am perfectly content with and honestly the fandom needs more of BOTH of those. Not EVERYONE is cut out to be a Fursuiter. Yes, Fursuiters get a TON of attention which is what draws a lot of people to it. With the fursuiting group I prefer seeing those who aren't just doing it to be "popular" or think that they need a Fursuit to be "cool" or even "furry". I have ZERO desire to ever get a fursuit.

A part of me is sad when I see some of the great photographers and support people in the Fandom suddenly think they need a suit to be "cool". No, you do a lot of stuff for the Fandom as it is. Be proud of that! And if you suit, it means less time you can dedicate to your photography, etc.....

I have nothing against Fursuiters, a lot of my close friends are Suiters and the Performers, the ones who like suiting because they can use it as an excuse to put on a show I love. Without them Photography and Videography in the Fandom would be very dull.

---

I don't believe that in Reality I possess a "spirit" of an animal inside me, thus I am not a Therian. That said... It's very easy for me to picture myself as an Anthro at times and I think it is fun to match up particular traits of my own being to that of an Anthro animal.

But that does touch base with my Fursona. And altough I reallY HATE that word... well yeah, I do have a personal character I identify with as sorta an alter-ego of types. And I'm still trying to really nail that one down.

I won't lie, I have a connection to Wolves. They were the first animal I RPed as when I first started in the furry community. A lot of people still know and refer to me as a wolf within the Fandom... however...

As a Wolf, I have a hard time figuring out what I want my character to "look" like. I don't like the generic "Gray Wolf" build because its just so... Well... COMMON within the Fandom (almost as bad as a Fox >.>)

I don't like un-natural colors; while I'm not a Therian I do possess the ability to visualize myself as my character from the RPer in me. And I'm sorry.... Purple/Green/Pink etc Fur... I just can't wrap my head around it...

Admittedly I do have a few wolf-like traits. I have a wanderlust that makes me wander from home out on the open road when I become stressed or bored. I'm also a very "Pack" oriented individual (Friends more then Family, admittedly) and can become protective of my pack at times. I'd fit the Beta Wolf classification in this way.

Many other of my traits are Canine in nature. I have a very good sense of both Smell and Hearing. I tend to circle out of habit (including food sometimes as  innouva can attest to XD). I scratch at every little scar and itch and have a very hard time leaving a pimple, scab, blemish, etc alone. I'm extremely loyal and will put others before myself. I am not someone who is selfish by any means. I was born in the Chinese year of the Dog and the amount of things that matched perfectly with my personality from the Chinese Zodiac is frightening....

That said, I have a lot of traits which are not very Wolf-like. I tend to be a more domesticated in a lot of aspects. I don't like Raw Meat/Seafood/etc. I prefer my food well prepared and cooked (even if it comes out of a Can). I have a Lethargic side and am overall very low key low energy until that rare chance that I am needed for something or can get out to roam or "play". I enjoy being outdoors but only on my own terms. I like being on the water, and trying to catch Fish which is more of a Dog trait then it is of a Wolf.

So when I changed my sona to a large breed dog it makes a lot more sense. More things line up and I like the look better because it is more unique. Yes there are a LOT of dog sona's out there but the difference is there is a lot of variety within Domestic canines that you just can't get with Wolves. I know of a TON of GSheps, Huskies, Collies and a few Corgis. I know of VERY few Leonbergers or for that matter ANY type of Large Breed Working dogs as their Sona.

I'm a very big, stocky guy. I'm built like a mountain dog for sure. Broad, wide-pawed, fluffy, (except for where I want it to be >.>) the whole nine yards... Maybe a little extra padding >.< which is quite common for these breeds. They are not agile or fast creatures and were not bred for agility or endurance while running. They were built for strength and presence. Very un-wolf like in many respects.

So the wolf Yarrick will slowly be phased out of existence. Or I will do something like consider myself to be a dog/wolf hybrid. Generally... I HATE hybrids. But considering a wolf dog is an actual (and quite common) thing well... its a little more excusable in my mind. But the Leonberger look has grown on me. I think if I did a hybrid it would look mostly like the dog, just with enough wolf in its blood to excuse for the wanderlust and other slight traits. That said... all Domestic Dogs were descended from wolves so :)

And now... back to worrying and pondering about "More important things" *sigh*

First off, I got the shorter of my two videos for Megaplex done. It's about 3 and a half minutes long (A truncated 2 min 55 second version may be aired on Pawpets next Sun...) but this is the full video and at 720p for those who want to take a look :) Link to full video here

I very much enjoyed the convention, and it was a needed break from real life since that has been going in a lot of different directions (some good, some bad, some stagnant like my Work situation) and it was nice getting out for a few days to refresh myself.

I concentrated on Video this con vs Photography. It was the first convention that my big video camera has made it to and it did draw a lot of attention. I got a lot of people who made comments about liking the camera, got to talk shop with a few other hobby level videographers, and the most common comment I got was "Wow that's a big camera. I bet it gets (as good as or better) quality then BBF!"

Well no... not exactly. Its a large form factor video camera because I wanted the stability that comes with a shoulder mount camera. It's in the Prosumer/ Hobbiest line of video equipment which puts it well above those little "soda can" type camcorders that you can get at Best Buy, but below the Professional level gear for sure. It crosses the line where it can operate in full manual mode and has a lot of different ways to change settings. In truth- I am still getting used to the camera and videography in general. I am still a newcomer to the game, I just spent some money to have a decent, but hardly "pro" level camera to learn on :)

I had a handful of personal business cards on me. I ended up handing most of them out- which at past conventions I've never had the chance to hand out any. Outside of BBF and his crew I was the only other person toting around a shoulder mount video camera at Megaplex this year. A few people (none of them staff; most were non-convention attendees who made this comment) Thought I was Press XD

In the end, I shot 4 32gb sdhc cards full of video plus the footage shot from my waterproof action camera. In all I have about 105 gb worth of 1080p video which comes out to about 5-7 hours or so worth of raw video in the native recording factor of both cameras. O.o

Granted, about half of that is recorded shows. I have the Pawpets live/closing cermonies recorded in full as well as Fox Amore's show (got permission to record that) and part/most of the Fursuit dance competition. I was sitting on the floor with the other videographers for that and my legs killed me afterwards.

I have another journal to do later with my thoughts on Videography within the fandom. I'm still fairly green when it comes to doing video work... but I've allready found some interesting observations which really should be its own Journal or I'll get stuck on a 3 page long Tangent D:

I need to go through my still photography from the con yet, but I did far far less of it. All I had with is my Olympus PEN which has become my standard con photography camera at this point because of its size. The exception will be  furrymigration where I'll be going back to the Canon because well, I'm the lead Staff Photographer for that con....

Anyways... other then the Videography the con went well. When I wasn't roaming around taking video I was staying pretty close to the locals I was rooming with, but this tends to be how it is first year at any con for me unless I have people I specifically intend on meeting at the con itself. I had a few which I was going to meet at the con, but they bailed at the last minute. I also had another friend in the Orlando area that I did get to meet up with on Thursday after I got the rental car (Which was a ClusterF* - but since the rest of the trip was a blast I am not going to dwell on it...).

I didn't sleep well on Thursday night due to not having closed the valve tight enough on the airmatress, being cold, and general anxiety for the upcoming con; and I still had the rental car. So I took an hour road trip East to Cape Caneveral and spent the first half of the day on a beach on the Atlantic ocean and then visiting the Kennedy Space Center museum and taking photos.

I got to see the Space Shuttle Atlantis in the museum, so I can knock that off my bucket list. If I am able to go back to this con next year, I hope to and intend on taking an extra day or two before the con to do some touristy stuff again.

TLDR: I had a blast, took a lot of video (I'll be working on a longer 10-30 min Full Con memories video), got a little bit or reckonition and notice, got to see the Ocean and the Space Shuttle and otherwise had a blast! By all means if I can go next year, I will return!

And now I return to my regularly scheduled RL here in Minnesota...

Back in Minnesota (I will be doing a Megaplex recap sometime soon along with Video/photos as it becomes available). I had a blast! More on that later.

But I am back. I did miss a lot of my friends up here while I was gone, espically  faelyncypher <3. Even though Drama and work that is going to hit me like a Semi soon aside... its good to be home.

Which brings me to the first thing of business that is coming up to remind people that in two days I need some help filming a scene for the  furrymigration con promo as I need to scramble to put together all the video for it here soon so it can be edited and put up. Only the Intro has Fursuiters, but because of that yes we need suiters. So far, I have a few people who said they were interested but I still have room for one or two more, especially if I get last minute cancellations as I don't have time to re-schedule a second time. The video needs to be filmed and ready for the cutting floor by this weekend.

If you are local to  mnfurs and would like to help out please let me know. The shoot location is going to be in Eagan, MN near the intersection of Highway 77 and Highway 13. PM me for the extract address.

FYI:

Due to all but one person canceling (and that person not confirmed, regardless I need atleast 2 for this scene... preferably 3-4) the shoot for the scene for the upcoming  furrymigration video has been rescheduled to July 30th

If you think you can make the new date, please reply below. Again, am going to pick the location based on where I get people from. I will be looking for an abandoned/ less used stretch of backroad to do this at. If you have a location in mind, feel free to suggest it!

For those who are local and are willing to help out  furrymigration (reposted from  mnfurs Forums:)

Furry Migration is coming soon and we still have two more promotional videos to shoot! The next one is fursuit light but we need 2-3 suiters for one scene at the beginning of the video. I am going out of town on Thursday for most of the rest of July so I need to have all the video shot before then.

I have a very narrow window to do this one scene in. And at this point its going to have to be Tuesday July 22nd. I am available all day; but due to lighting we need to get started before 7pm. The location is TBD (see below)

So here’s the deal: If you are interested and able to help out on Tuesday send me an FA note by Monday AM with the following info:

-What city you live in (to help determine filming location)
-Your availability on Tuesday July 22nd (IE 5-9pm)

Once I have gathered a cast I will look for a public space (like a park) that is convenient for the cast to get to. I am willing to drive wherever needed for this.

As before the following guidelines are followed to determine who I want for cast members, especially in the case I get more then 2-3 people applying for this:

-Must be a complete suit. Absolutely NO holes where Skin is showing and this includes the Eyes. If its a partial suit needs to be neatly tucked in so no skin is exposed. Exception will be made on Eyes if your suit is skin tight on the head and the use of makeup around your natural eyes is used.

-Priority goes out to anyone who has not had a major part in our films (those only showing up in the Stampeede clip in the last video don’t count). IF I cannot get anyone new I will re-use people as this needs to get done- but if you haven’t been in a video yet here is your chance!

Life has been hectic, and I’ve been dealing with working on/putting out various other fires in my life; which means I haven’t been able to get around to asking for help with this, until today. I apologize for the very short notice. But if you are interested and able to help on Tuesday please Chime in!

So a little while back I mentioned I was dating again. It has been going very very well. Well enough that while I suppose its still, by all means technically early... I can come out and say something for the first real time in my entire life:

I am no longer single. I am now in a relationship <3 <3. If she ever makes an FA there will be no shame in me updating my profile accordingly with whom I have started to fall for... This is the first time I've ever been able to come out to my friends (Family will follow at some point, and when we get there it may be complicated. But I will be ready for it...) that I am no longer a Lone Wuff ^^;;.

For those who don't know I've struggled with dating my entire life. In spite of having a strong Beta personality and a strong presence in the communities I take part in; and sometimes seen as a position of Leadership; I am still a very socially awkward person deep down. Especially when it comes to letting my "guard" down and letting someone get close to me.

I didn't even start seeking someone to help me break some of these barriers until well into my mid twenties. And up until... well... a few weeks ago I never have gotten this far...

I've tried dating within the established local furry community before. And while I've made a few friends... there was always complications. Either I would meet the "single for a reason AKA crazy", they are SIGNIFICANTLY younger then me (and while I try to be open about things... its still tough if you are 10 or more years apart... yeah c.c), its "complicated" or we just don't click.

I've had even less luck outside the fandom. I'd get a date or two... and then the Furry thing would come out (either she found out on her own or I told her) and GONE. Even for the ones who were polite about it and "act" like it didn't bother them... I know it did because following that night they would never speak to me again x.x

So.. the only real way I'd get somewhere is I met that bridge between the two. And it happened. I met someone who while is not fully involved with the Furry community -yet- (that may change ^^, she's already been to two of our local events :) ) and she is very curious about it and has a very open mind.

Likewise, she appreciates that I have an open mind too. In a lot of ways... we were both looking for the same thing. And I'm starting to realize that this is what should be the basis of a true relationship. If you aren't looking for the same thing that your partner is looking for... you can struggle and "get through it" but in the end... its not going to work out.

For the first time in my life... I don't get this vibe <3

So um well. This is all part of the "Undiscovered Country" for me. Past this point... everything is new and unexplored. I find myself stumbling over my own words; finding times where I either know just what to say out of the Blue... and other times that I am speechless... and simply can't think of anything at all.

I've been treading very softly, taking it slow because I don't want to mess things up... and a lot of times I don't know what to do next *blushes*

I'm 32 years old... and I'm going through what most people go through when they are 16-17. I've been a loner for most of my life... Through High School I was more interested in Computers and Star Trek then I was Girls. I was the true definition of a hopless nerd and Teacher's pet. And this made it really tough to even attempt dating since yeah... I didn't have the courage to approach anyone and I was so "strange" it would take a very special someone to be able to accept me for me.

I am not the High School Quarterback. Hell I'm not even the Bart Simpson. I'm a very independent soul. I change for no one.

But I am more then happy to share my life with someone, who will take me as I am. And 14 years after graduating High School, nearly half my life, it has come to be.

Where this story goes, and how long it lasts... I am not sure. This is all blank paper. I can no longer predict my future now that my path has begun to intertwine with another <3

The most important thing is, I am who I am. And I will remain who I am. I may change, but I only will Add to and never Subtract.

I'll always be the same Yarrick. If you are friends with me now, this will never change. I hold my friends in a lot of regards as high (or higher) then my family.

But for me, a new chapter unfolds. And I am not sure where it will lead. But the happiness that it will bring, for however long it lasts will be cherished. Every minute... every second...

Boldly I venture into the Undiscovered Country, though my knees tremble and shake in nervous anxiety. I begin to see life in a whole new way <3

Edit: I <3 <3 my  faelyncypher And now everything has context ^^;

June has been a very bittersweet month... defiantly with its highs and lows. I mentioned the highs (one in particular ^^) in my last post... so its time to address the lows...

First off: Last week I had the "stake" put in it from my manager about having any hope of continuing to work for this company I am contracting for. It wasn't anything I had done, we moved from a very team-oriented manager (where I would have been a shoein for the job had he not quit before he could recommend me to be hired on *sigh*) to a very Logistical manager who ONLY sees Degrees and Numbers and doesn't take into consideration familarity and how well someone works or is liked with a team.

He wants the "Perfect" candidate that A. doesn't have a contractor buy out fee attached, but also B. has a 4 year degree and "looks good on paper". Talking with my co-workers; they got the same vibe as he tended to look down upon them as "How the hell did you get this job without a 4 year degree? I wouldn't have hired you... and you certainly aren't getting promoted any time soon".

This said... I guess I can be glad I'm not getting this job in a way. I would have to keep proving that I am more then common peasant filth to him and the drama in the long run would be very tiring.

Atleast I can get a positive reference from my co-workers. They like me and want me to stay... but the choice is up to Mr Oxford Doctorate grad; not them *sigh*

I've got enough money to get by on for awhile, plus I will be eligible for unemployment. I make enough that I will be at the top tier limit for unemployment which isn't much.. but I should be able to get by with that for a few months, plus some money I got back from my car (overpaid on loans) and a spare boat that I'll actually hey have time to Sell now which should get me a good buffer of cash.

As a result I may have to cancel going to Megaplex; but if the boat sells, I get a "decent enough" strippend from UI or I get a contract by the end of July I might be able to stretch it.

Its going to come down to the wire and be very last minute plans if I can still go... I also need to have a contract which either starts after Megaplex or would be willing to let me take time off in likely the first or second week in order to go...

Since I have already committed to and am currently still making money... I have a Family fishing trip and a Chicago trip come the end of this month. These may or may not be my last trips out of state for awhile... I'll just have to see. The consulting firm I work for is usually good at getting me work within 2-4 weeks between contracts... and they put more pressure if they know I am unemployed (they are the ones paying my unemployment of course... so it makes sense)

And the other sad end... which goes hand in hand with the above since it saves money. But there is much more to it then that...

Come the end of July I'm leaving my photography studio. As of late its been nothing more then a storage space and occasional hang out space. In the eight months I've had it I've done a total of three shoots there. Working 40 hours a week plus my duties with  mnfurs , other clubs and social activites has left me very little time to myself. Which I don't mind being busy... I'm actually surprisingly not that stressed over it.... I have enough social outlets and friends (...and maybe in time something more ^^;;) to keep me sane.

That said... time is Finite. So something needs to go. And that something sadly becomes the Studio. There is however more to the story and the real shoe in for leaving the studio...

My studio is in the basement in a corner and there is a crack in the foundation which seeps rain in every time it rains. And this year... Minnesota might as well be in the Rainforest. We've had so much rain in the last few months. And every time it rains, the carpet gets wet and the drywall in that corner of my studio bulges out more. A day or two later and I get shrooms and the patch of mildew in the carpet grows even after drying and ventalating the room as best I can.

I've told my landlord about it several times and nothing has been done. At this point, you really can't repair the damage without ripping up the outside wall, replacing the railing, sealing the foundation crack, re-drywalling the entire wall then ripping up and putting new carpet in. And that likely would take a few days/weeks and require everything to be moved out so...

As fun as it's been to have a "place of my own" for now it needs to go into the "well I tried but this didn't work out... maybe again someday..." list.

The only way I'd keep the studio at this point is if they moved me to another suite that had no said damage and comped me a few months of free rent. But I'm not betting on it.

So in recap May and June has been a time of change. Of Beginnings and Ends. All said and done I still feel pretty Confident. I think the beginnings outweigh the ends and the ends are things I can put behind me and "move on from".

Beginnings:

-New car
-Start becoming more serious in Videography as an extended hobby
-Starting a relationship

Ends

-Job
-Photo Studio and renting my own "place" (for now)
-Possible having to scrap plans to go to an out of town Furry Con as a summer break.

The ends are those which have means. I mean... the Job I am not getting would have been nice as I liked my co workers and it was very close to home. That being said... it won't be my last job by far. I have enough experience at this point in IT that even though "Oxford Grad" type managers may find me as "unhireable" MOST companies see me very eligible for atleast medium term contracts. I have good references... and I have a variety of different IT experinence over that "5 year worth" mark.

There is also part of me who looks forward to having a break. I can focus more on doubling down on  mnfurs stuff and spending more time with... uhmn certain others ^^::.

And as far as the Studio goes... when I get both the money and the time to excuse renting again it very well could return. Also I very much doubt that this is going to be the last place I'll ever pay rent on... I mean - I do have to budget out that I can't live with my parents forever right (though I do pay them rent as it stands...)

Some day in the not so near future I'll have a place to call home again; even if its just another "home away from home"

Until then... I must press on and realize there are more important things in Life...

June is becoming a month of beginnings and Ends for me. I've still been off and on busy with  mnfurs but I am, for the most part settling in place there. Things are... quieting down there for a short well-needed break. And then it will get crazy insane again come August and September. But this is a subject for a future Journal....

But as one should, I'll start with the Beginnings. I'll save the ends which are... the more depressing news for the next journal. I had an awesome day today... and I really should end this weekend on a high note. So that is just what I will do.

As mentioned in my previous Journal I got a new car. So far its been a lot of fun to drive and in the long term is more practical of a vehicle for my needs. I have two full weekends of Road Trips to more or less round out June with friends and I am very much looking forward to both. It will help me with facing a few of the ends which will hit me this Summer....

The other Beginning I haven't mentioned yet is still on the... hopeful side of things?

As mentioned before... I've been striking out at the dating game for well... since I've started trying to build a relationship. Yes I'm a late bloomer. I didn't start even trying to take a stab at Dating until I was in my late twentys. And I've never had a relationship that went more then a few dates- nothing that could be considered "steady" at any rate.

It's still early to tell.. but I've had someone I've been talking to for a few months now. She's been talking to her friends about me and I've been very... quiet about it so far. I guess I just didn't want to get my hopes up with people... and have the chance it could only be something fleeting.

So far the real positives are: She's a borderline fur/ someone who would be very very easy to nudge over the edge. She's seen my photography... both accounts... and asked to see some of my art badges on our first date... She's curious about the local group and it sounds more and more likely she wants to attend some of our events sometime. She's already discussed a want to Fursuit someday O.o; She's not really active in the community... but there is interest here.

She's also around my age. Within 2 years (in this case, older then me). This has been something that has been very hard to find, especially within the Furry community, or someone who can atleast have fun with it. In the past, the single gals in the fandom that I was interested in or were interested in me were atleast 10 years YOUNGER then me. I dunno... I've always felt that to be very... awkward. Dating someone within 5 years of me either way makes me a lot more comfortable.

She's a sci fi nerd, video gamer, tomboy who is not afraid to get dirty; All of these are major plusses. In the end... I want someone I can spend time with. Common interests make it so much easier to do that. And... well... I've never had this much in common with any of the gals I've dated in the past. So I'm really really trying not to mess this up....

So tonight I went on the second Date with her. And it lasted 9 hours... which marks one of the if not the longest dates I've ever had. And when I look back at earlier, it really was three dates in one o.o;; . Which should be a good sign, yes?

It started out by a Picnic Lunch and then... fishing. Yes you heard me right, fishing. And it was HER suggestion... not mine ^^. It rained pretty heavily the other night, and even though the weather today was perfect, the fish were very lethargic due to the chemical changes in the lake and the excess amount of food which had been knocked in by the rain. Its a very common occurrence, and we've had a lot of rain this year. Which means, yeah: this year hasn't been that great for fishing. Neither of us caught a single fish.

We sat near the fishing pier talking and just people watched for a bit. No one on the pier was having any luck. So we grabbed dinner at a local restaurant up the street. We had a nice well paced and not rushed dinner.

Not far from the restaurant was a theater, so we ended the night with X-Men days of Future Past.

I'm not going to go into any personal details since I know, someday she could very well read this journal. And if she does... I want her to know that tonight was one of the most amazing and special days I've had in... Hell.., my whole life ^^;;

I really hope it does become the beginning of something. And if its just a friendship, I will accept that. And if it becomes helping that friend make new friends in a community I work so hard behind... I'd be doubly happy.

I can never have enough friends. And anyone who can accept that most of my friends go to conventions and "pretend to be animals" and not think that it is twisted, sick or wierd is a double bonus. Infact... its becoming harder and harder to associate with anyone, outside of family, who would have a very narrow minded view and would try to judge me for the communities that are well, a part of me and friends I have made through it....

We're both taking it very slow; but I'm not opposed to this. If it does eventually go to something... more I am ready for it.

I know when that happen it may mean going out of my comfort zones and crashing through a few walls that have never been broken. It is mostly unexplored territory for me.

So... a new chapter in life may be writing itself. Only time will tell. I'm very anxious right now to see what the future could hold...

So I did something impulsive today. Because I needed something positive from an otherwise shitty week.

Well I wouldn't say its totally impulse. Its something I have been considering for a few months now and something I knew I would have to face in a year or two from now anyways... I've just expidited the process a little so that I could stop borrowing my parents vehicles whenever I wanted to go on a long road trip with friends or take the boat out >.>

Tonight I traded my 2010 Hyundai Elantra in for a new 2013 Ford Edge. Yeah I guess I went from Ford to Hyundai back to Ford again. When I orignally set out I wanted a Santa Fe.

Only to find out that the only NEW Santa Fes in my budget only have a wimpy 4 cyl engine. Fine I guess for most but for someone hauling a boat... not exactly going to fly. Plus after finding out how sluggish the V6 version felt... yeah...

So I started to look for the more expensive Santa Fe's used. This was a challenge. Most people who buy these practically drive them into the ground before they trade them in. I guess I was one of them >.>

I found one that fit the bill. It was an older model (2011) but had really low miles on it. I was bored at work so I fiddled around with options for something new in my price range. I came up with the Dodge Journey- which I sat in at the Minneapolis Auto show and HATED (very cramped cabin. For a big guy like me this is an instant no sale) and a late model Ford Edge.

Ford really cranks these out so dealerships still had a few 2013s new on their lots. All Edges have a rather snappy V6 in them. The AWD model was out of my price range. The FWD models however.

So I went to the Ford dealership first, just to check it out and get some measurements. Slightly more cargo room then my parents Vue (including height) so that met my requirement. v6 with a towing capacity of over 2500 lbs (3500 in this case). Decent fuel economy considering the size and class of the vehicle. And most importantly a physical KEYED ignition.

Yes that's right... Ford is one of the few auto manufacturers that still offer true Key based ignition on a lot of their vehicles. Yes it runs a chip, but if the battery runs out or it gets wet it will start. This is kinda something I've been very very twitchy about.

I almost bought it right there, and the dealer while friendly was trying to get me to stay. I apologized and said there was a good chance I'd be back. After test driving I really was impressed and surprised by it. It ran quiet, smooth and had about the same turning radius of my much smaller Elantra which shocked me.

But I wanted to see the Santa Fe. And part of me wanted to remain a loyal Hyundai customer. And part of me is sad not to be anymore. I had a lot of good adventures with my Elantra. But I guess its time to move on.

Got to the Hyundai dealership that had the used Santa Fe I was eyeballing. The staff was very unhelpful. I had to wait 30 mins before anyone helped me. They said they were all "busy" yet the place was a ghost town. They finally let me test drive it. The dealer just had me sign a waiver and didn't come with; and handed me the keys to go test drive it.

Got in, and the car had a very strong odor to it. As in they were trying to cover something up but I could clearly smell the reminants of.... Smoker car. Strike one.

Curious stains on the driver and passengers seats. Strike two.

Handling: sluggish to accelerate. Noisy as hell. Rode a lot rougher then the Ford. Strike Three.

More I thought of it, having a slightly larger cargo space and AWD weren't enough to convince me on the Smelly Santa Fe. The Edge is a heavier vehicle, has higher ground clearance and larger tires, and has independent traction control. While AWD is nice... I think I can manage with traction control when things start to slip.

Yeah I could have waited for another used Santa Fe to pop up. Or take one with higher mileage but....

I drive enough that I talked myself into buying new. I had one bad experience with a Hyundai dealer. Does this mean they are all bad? Of course not. Does this mean that the Santa Fe is a bad vehicle? No of course not; but I was impressed at how responsive and smooth of a ride the Edge was by comparison...

So I went back to the Ford dealership and signed my tax refund over to them in a form of a check. >.> And raised my monthly car payments by $130. But this was inevitable.

Unless I want something like another budget subcompact or can settle for "well used" my payments are going to go up at this point. Is the nature of things, Inflation sucks :/

So... I've got something even more expensive then my video camera sitting in the garage right now. And it also forces me to actually budget. No more wantonlessly buying cameras, lenses and toys.

I have to tighten down my budget if I want to keep more long term investments in play. This with the studio rent will force me to budget my money rather then saying "I make more then I need lets go blow it on crap yaaay!!!"

The one little bread crumb is that my auto payments are deffered for a month. So it gives me to save money and prepare for the increased Whallop that will hit me next month. While keep on paying off my credit cards at the same time...

Yeah I'm done buying toys for a long time. Time to focus on the long term ahead. And start out on a new Journey ahead.

Tax season is here. For some its a time of dread, others its we get back some of the money Uncle Sam withheld from us so we don't need to pay more this time of year instead. I always claim "1". So usually I get a Tax refund. I'm getting a sizeable one this year which is going to be split up three ways:

Between 1/4 and 1/2 of it will be going into Savings. To be used towards a down payment on switching cars sometime Early Summer. I'll have a different journal about this one... right now I'm still in the browsing stage (I hope to sell my second boat and use that money towards it as well)

Some is going to pay off credit card debt (mostly from Con/Hotel stays c.c) which I Ironically just for a short time just increased with a big purchase >.>

$600 of it is going towards THIS right away as my first payment: Panasonic AG-AC8PJ HD Shouldermount Camcorder B&H and Adorama are closed right now because of Passover and I still have Amazon Prime on the Trial so 2 day free shipping (on a fairly large item). So Click done, ordered. I'll have it by Wednesday...

This is a "prosumer" or "Hobbiest" level video camera. Its about the same level with Video equipment as my camera equipment is for photography. Infact its using a version of Panasonic's new Micro 4/3rds sensor which is a very solid sensor for video. But the controls and form factor is what I'm really eyeballing here. It also gets around file size limits so you can keep recording It also has a eyecup and is shoulder mountable. This is, something I've been wanting for awhile in a video camera.

Why? I'm starting to dabble a little more in Video. Part of my board Duties with  mnfurs is that I'm both the Photography AND Videography lead for the group. I've been providing a lot of the Photography content for our local events, and will still continue to do so; as well as encourage new photographers and get their content posted. Photography from our members is something that in the past has been hard to get up and I intend to change that.

As far as Video? We really have no content for MNFurs events. And this needs to change. And one of the ways to help make this change is to be part of the solution and start capturing and creating content.

I'm curious about being a videographer and while I'm not an expert by any means I am learning and willing to spend time and practice. I can see it becoming a Hobby just as much as Photography is- that being said I don't plan on letting my Photography lapse either.

I led the initiative for the Furry Migration promo video (and yes we are working on more) and a lot of people really liked it/got a lot of attention for our con. So I would like to help out in much the same way for  mnfurs as well. Our picnic is coming up in less then a month... so its time I step up my game....

The reason I am going for this is its me. The last time I really dabbled in Videography was when I was younger. I had a Sony 8mm camcorder (which I still have, but the batteries are toasted and so is the charger. And its just so old...) I liked the form factor and weight of it, even if by the time I got it it was very outdated and everyone else was using camcorders that fit in one hand. It was awesome for "run and gun" videography. It was easier to get stabilized video even well before the advent of IS just because of the way is was held and supported.

Plus after watching various well-known Con videographers (such as BBF) a lot of them use multiple different cameras. And commonly two at the same time. It allows you to shoot the same shot from two or more different angles, even if one of those angles is just from an unattended camera on a tripod or on the ground a distance away. It is one way that Videography differs from Photography. In photography, you can change your angle with a single camera and take another shot, and no one usually knows the difference if you are quick enough. With Videography different angles of the same thing = multiple cameras.

So this means I still plan on using my PEN for video too. But it becomes my second camera. Its also a hell of a lot discreet. And believe it or not, at Cons sometimes you don't want to be discreet. BBF and his crew get a lot of attention and interaction with suiters because they carry large cameras that are easy to spot from a distance. There is no question that they are taking VIDEO.

It also becomes obvious for the people who don't want to be filmed so they can get out of the way. While this camera is not on a professional level, it LOOKS professional and is still a notch higher then what I'm currently using for video. Its an investment, and in the short term is going to be painful on the wallet.

I plan on having fun with it. But at the same time I hope to give something back to the community. Though there are some really big names out there for Videography, but very few of them are recording a lot of the events I go to. The local MNFurs ones for sure.

And no matter what, there can always be more content out there from people who are willing to SHARE. Every Photographer and Videographer will see something in a DIFFERENT way, and that is the real beauty about both.

I see so many video cameras at Cons. And only a FRACTION of those (even some using semi-pro gear) will ever post it for others to see. Nothing can portray how fun an event was to others then with Photography and Videography. You want people to come back and remember how much fun they had? Or to get new people to say "huh. X Con/Event looked really fun last year. Maybe I should go next year...". This is how you do it...

I may be someone who is in the background with events a lot of the time. But Photography and Videography allows me to share things that I may have a lot harder time telling someone in just words alone.

Life has been going by at several hundred miles per hour lately. Spring is finally here and the change in the weather has been motivating me to be as active as I can outside of work. Not like this is unusual for me this time of year; but this Spring in particular brings huge changes for me. Of which I am ready for but am still finding out just how much things are starting to change in ways I hadn't anticipated for both the good and the bad...

I did a few posts earlier about how I was running for the  mnfurs Board of Directors. When the votes were tallied, and re-counted I was elected to the board by a fair margin. I don't like to gloat so I am NOT going to. I'm still sticking behind the fact that I am doing this for the COMMUNITY and NOT for myself.

In addition to that, when the BoD re-assignment happened a few days later I was nominated to the position of Vice President by the rest of the board. Which also includes being the Community Lead. I accepted.

I've been running the Events team and working very closely with the rest of the board since the BoD at MNFurs was formed. Oddly enough... this didn't shock me when it happened and it feels quite natural. I feel like I've been working on the Board since before I was a Board member.

As Community Lead I am still Head of Events. Plus a lot more. It feels like I've been handed a new set of tools, but my actual "job" with MNFurs really hasn't changed. It's just evolved.

If I wouldn't have felt this level of confidence and comfortably the transition would have been a lot rougher. But I had the advantage of knowing what I was getting involved with. And I have every intention of being that person who watches over the community and sees that their needs are Addressed to the best I can be.

Being on a Board or Staff can be a thankless job. And you will get some that will turn the other way and paint a Target on your head. I'm used to dealing with Drama. Else I would not be so heavily involved in the Furry community, lets be honest here XD.

There was obviously some fallout from a few people when I got elected. I've gotten "the eye" a few times from a few people of whom I will not mention here. If you have a problem with me as a Board Director, that is okay. You are entitled to your opinion. And if I can over the next two years change that view I would be happy, but I know I CANNOT make EVERYONE happy.

The fact that the Majority of the Community AND the rest of the Board of Directors are confident in me means a Lot. All you can ask for in a position of service is for people to say "I have faith in the group and will support you". Believe me, hearing that from people is what keeps us going.

When I see the rest of the community enjoying MNFurs Events and just realizing how far we've come since it was a very small group of a Dozen individuals meeting up in a hole in the wall Chineese Restaurant twelve years ago it never ceases to amaze me. If I had a time machine and could tell my former self twelve years ago of where the local fur group would go, I know for a fact I'd watch as my past self's jaw hit the floor.

I feel very honored that I have had a hand in shaping and evolving  MNFurs into something only a select few Fur groups across the world can lay claim to: A registered Non-Profit organization that runs multiple large events and many smaller ones throughout the entire year. It goes well beyond running one large, single event once a year and then having nothing else to do. I fully back the convention we are running, but what keeps MNFurs unique is that we can run other events and provide events for our community to have fun with year round. From Picnics to Bowling events, Parades and working with other Non-Profits, its been very exciting.

So now it's time for me to step up to Bat, I'm committed and very excited to see where MNFurs is going to go in the next two years. Because believe me, things will evolve and change. And I will do everything in my power to see that much of that change is for Good.

Work at the new job is going pretty good, its still early to tell how its going to go but its looking good so far. More on this in another post :3

For now, I finished my con video for Fursquared 2014, the first year WI convention. It follows a MUCH different format then my MFF one and is a little longer (20 mins). Instead of being a music video its mostly dialogue with only a few places I replaced the original audio.

Check out my Fursquared 2014 con video on my Youtube here!

Edit: For some reason the link isn't working and I don't have time to play with it :/ Until FA fixes the link... copy and paste the URL: www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJorVRPwnyg.....g&feature=youtu.be

February went out with a sigh of relief, taking time to sit and reflect on things and relax at Fursquared on the last weekend. (photos will be sorted and edited, hope to have some up soon. Video following sometime later.) It was a great way to transition from being trapped into the stressful and limited routine with my job and other things.

The cage was opened and I was freed. I know fully well there is allways a risk when change happens, even if it is promising, but now it is time for me to do something and start taking those risks again. Life got so dull being a stressed out yes man to an overbearing consulting corporation... and I am very glad that is behind me.

But now March is here, and it is going to be a huge month of change for me for many reasons. It's time to brush myself off and take big steps to start moving forward. This year it is appropriately named.

March is not only a year of the weather FINALLY starting to warm up after the coldest winter Minnesota has seen in 100 years (wish I was exaggerating :/) but it marks the beginning of a number of important changes for me. A lot of these require my own initiative to go forward with so it means I need to get off my ass both figuratively and literally.

I have a new job starting tomorrow. Its a mile away from my house. If I want to keep said job I need to prove myself at this company. The first few days will be just getting adjusted to the new environment and co-workers. I imagine the rest of this week is going to be pretty laid back. Past that its getting to work on time, doing my job and showing them I have the drive and motivation to want this job. Its something I was slowly loosing at my old job so it is something I need to find within me to do again.

In addition, I plan on and NEED TO step up my game with  mnfurs I admit the last few months I faltered. A lot of it was due to my job stress which is now taken care of. Every job will have stress, and I have no delusion there will be none here. But I'll work with a team both professionally and within MNFurs. It should make it a lot easier to keep motivated for BOTH.

The  MNFurs board elections happen later this month. I am one of the candidates for the board. Since there is only three canidates for two positions I have a very good shot of getting on. This means I need to prepare myself for the role. I fully understand what the MNFurs board is about. It helps a lot that some of my closest friends are also Board members.

I've been kept in the loop as it were on a lot of things. People who may be on the fence about me on the Board of Directors should know that not only do I know what I am getting into (which is NOT something to take lightly); I also work well with the current Board of Directors. I want to be the well oiled gear that works flawlessly inside of the machine rather then a mis-shapened and chipped block that grinds and scrapes and tries to put up as much resistance as he can so that the machine struggles to operate. I am NOT the squeaky wheel. MNFurs is at a very critical stage right now.

It needs a team that can work together now more then ever. I feel that I can be that team player and help out wherever I am asked to. I have no delusions of glory. I just want things to WORK and I want to see that the community is made happy.

The third thing I plan to do with this drive is to get into shape. Yes, stressful jobs make you gain weight. I'm a big guy and I expect I will allways be a big guy. I have no delusions I will ever be a rail-thin pole. However... if I could loose some weight that I gained while working two stressful jobs (the last one and also when I worked call center) I would be happy. Or even just stop putting on weight for now due to stress.

This means for right now cutting back on Soda. I can't quit cold turkey but I need to start cutting back and using the more specalty sodas as a "treat" rather then a staple. I'm also going to eat more bagged lunches and go out for lunch a lot less unless I had a really bad day. Otherwise it will be a small sandwich, a small bag of chips and maybe a granola bar or something. It's all about controlling the size of the portions of what I eat.

Because I need to work on my involvement with the community, sadly that means that cutting back on going out to eat at night is a lot harder. I imagine I will be actually getting out MORE because it means I would be able to talk and work within the community on a more individual basis. Basically from this point forward- if you are local and would like to hang out with me some night just to talk about things and get them off your chest- I'll be here. Whether or not I'm elected to the board my stance will stay the same. I've been through a lot of stress so I know how it is. I know, see, and understand a lot of frustrations people may have with the local community too. But if you even want to just get out and rant about a bad day/week at work I can provide that shoulder too.

So it's time to MARCH forward. And step up to the plate....

I'm having a VERY long week at work work. This work week has been BRUTAL. The tape backup system went down on Monday (and is STILL down) and I am still getting pulled in all directions harder and harder.

This morning my boss called in a very angry tone to give me flak about leaving the company. I'm not a confrontational type of person or else I would have said something back. I have less and less regrets for leaving my current job. It's amazing how fast it continues to degrade after I announced my two weeks notice.

I was holding my breath for a few days but the risk paid off. I DID get the job offer. I start the Wed after I get home from Fursquared.

The job is a mere mile away from where I live. My commute will drop to near zero and should I want to get in shape this summer I have a means to do it. I could leave the car parked and take a 15 min ride to work via bike.

I now have no regrets of jumping the gun. It was a risk, and it seemed foolish at the time. Looking back I'm much more confident and relieved that I did what I did.

If I didn't put in my notice early I wouldn't be able to go to Fursquared. I would have had to scrap ALL of my plans and work through this for a few more days or reach the point where I just walked off the job, which could look bad to my new employer.

There's still going to be tensions with my old company as I found out today; but very very soon I'm done.

Four more days. Then I get to unwind at a con I am NOT taking on staff duties. And I come back, hopefully a much more optimistic and pleasant person- ready for the next adventure. Ready to take on an Election. Feeling in control for the first time in MONTHS rather then being under someone's boot toe...

Soon I will be free.

There is a social party game out there called "Snake Oil" in which you make a sales pitch to a Judge (Also known as the buyer) based on a product from two random words in your hand. One such combination that came up in a game was "Regret Pillow" and boy could I ever use one now...

Which is very surprising for me, considering today is a day I have been pushing myself towards since October of last year; the day I get a reasonable job offer and put my two week notice in from a job that has caused me so much stress and worry over the last 4 months that I at one point considered walking off of it altogether with NO backup job.

Today I got the call from my recruiter. The company I interviewed with liked me and wanted to move forward with the hiring process. Though I don't have a formal offer on paper yet, I was assured that would come within the next two days; which means my contracting agency is negotiating my pay and start time right now.

The job is a MILE away from my house. Its close enough that come summer I could bike to work if I wanted to even as out of shape as I am. I'd be working with a team on an INTERNAL IT staff instead of working Solo for an outsourcing company as I am right now. My boss would be onsite with me instead of two states away.

My first reaction was surprise, then for a very short time relief that I had expected to come. But that relief did not last as expected. The catalyst was when my manager started to talk to me about my perceived workload vs my actual metrics. And this is when the Anxiety kicked into full swing.

So anxious that I was quite literally shaking. It felt as though I was being cornered yet I knew, ironically so that I had a clear path out.

I called my manager at the end of my day. I informed him that I had a pending job offer and that I would be putting in my two weeks notice. He replied in a very surprised/confused tone.

From that tone, I'd surmise he wasn't expecting it at all. Had he been local he would have seen the warning signs and maybe offered something to fix it. But since he's a manager that manages 30 some odd techs all remotely at different corners of the midwest I guess he never saw trouble, even when I flat out said to him "This isn't working..." in the past.

After hanging up the phone I sunk deep into regret. And it stayed there all the way home. I surmised that I have the leverage to turn this offer into a counter-offer for being placed somewhere else in the company... but in the long term it may not be a healthy option and could lead to more ghosts from my past history coming to haunt and risk my future employment at the company.

If I switched managers for example it could be seen as a sign of weakness on my part and I could be without a real job.

Theres a feeling I failed to do something here. Maybe I failed to be 3 people because I couldn't be three people. I liked all of the clients I worked for including my primary, and while there were some minor incidents and tensions at times; I did get along with my outside co-workers well enough.

Likewise I enjoyed the times I could get out of the office and travel to smaller sites. I am going to miss that even if my wallet probably won't. I actually like to travel and go new places even if its just within the metro area I live in.

And the actual work itself was what I was "skilled" at. Not that this part is going to change- or I wouldn't be switching. I am very much a kinetic person. I hated doing phone support and felt NO regret at all when I walked off from one Call Center and got Laid Off from another.

But it was the amount of work, the amount of responsibility and the fact that there was NO net, NO one to back me up, NO team to support me that made everything just fall apart.

Theres something to be said about having a hawkeyed manager who looks over your shoulder at every second. I've had a lot of those.

But I've learned today where its even worse NOT to have someone watching at all. While there are a lot of times being more independent is nice (ability to have somewhat flexible hours and take some longer lunch breaks without being scolded for it when you need it) not having that support when you need it is well... a problem. No co-workers, no manager; you can get overwhelmed pretty fast.

And that's what my company doesn't understand. I'm not doing this for money. Hell... even though this other place is a mile away I do NOT mind a commute or travel for that matter.

I'm doing this because I've learned from my volunteer organizations I help out if nothing else that there is NOTHING more important in a professional career then Teamwork. And that is something my company doesn't understand. They just look at the metrics. I might have enough leverage right now to say "No I need this tech that's helping out to STAY", but the SECOND my ticket count DROPS and I hit a slow time, they'll yank him faster then a hobbit finding a free sandwich and I'll be flying Solo again.

I regret that this didn't work out. I really do. I can't kid myself that I am somewhat terrified of leaving a job I have some job security in for taking a shot in the dark at something new. Risking that I may leave my current job for one that lasts a few months, let go and then back to square one again.

I feel that I have failed when I know there is not much I could have done to prevent this; and that this was the best outcome I could have really hoped for. It's very tough working for a company who is metric and cost effective focused above all else.

I would be moving to a company that is Client focused instead. One that values the contentment of the customer above the perceived metrics. Not to say I won't be busy. I'm sure I will be.

But I need a net to fall into. Because without that net... everything fails.

I need to throw all my regrets into the Regret Pillow... and move forward. Because a new adventure awaits....