Found a spot to finally willing to give me a chance & take me in. Getting settled in and trying to get used to having an employer to answer to again.

Will be working on dues on my days off, won't be accepting any new commissions - will be doing projects off donations: https://ko-fi.com/oddballlion

Sadly new job has a once a month payout and I'm on a general probationary part-time so those donation based projects will be helpful in the meantime OR-

Still trying to raise funds for schooling here which the sooner I get into that, the quicker I can wrap up my 6 month course and get certified: https://gofund.me/83e2000b5

Lastly, still trying to get myself situated with getting medicated again - pist my fucking doctor took me off one of the few things semi keeping me together mentally.

Shits not changing, no place will fucking hire me.

I gotta get back to doing art full time until I can get into my certification program, so shit doesnt get far fucking worse for me than it already is.

So, Im back-ish, I guess.

No one wants me.

Standards & expectations from employers dont make sense since most of them explain what they want & expect, I show that I can perform those expectations.... but show they've just kept to hiring what they didn't even want then continue to moan how they can't find good help. My ass just sitting here fucking beyond perplexed & in an even more negative mental loop.

Too overqualified to work most places.
Too underqualified to work some spots.
Too broke to participate in society.
Society is too broken to participate in.

I'm at a fucking loss, honestly I shouldnt be surprised.

America isn't a country, its a business with a very dysfunctional workplace thats run by a confederacy of degenerates whos overall qualities are being evil & stupid along with a handful of decrepit senile geriatrics.

Todays going to determine a lot of things, once I know one very important factor, I will then know how to proceed.

Its not going to lead to any potentials of self-harm, got a bit of a support group to reach out to and or confide with if things go very bad.

Sincerely folks, Im really not entirely well but I'm fucking trying.

Thank you to those that have reached out to & talked to me or offered me a form of resource to check into to help my mental well being.

I really wanted to quit & leave.

I wanted to find a job.

No one wants me, no one will hire me. Its hopeless.

This was all I had, considering a return even with the prior breakdown & statements feels humiliating.

Attempted to end it, dry fired.

I fucking hate this.

Still trying to manage here, things haven't been good. Lack of meds has either kept me very sleepy or in a constant state of having a short fuse with everything. Fucking hate it.

Been trying to draw and its come with more negative feelings than positive. Going to try something and see if I can mentally get around this, still unsure if I can even come back to this at all.

Still been trying to push myself to find employment and its been a shitshow, no one wants me & its just been constant rejection. I really do feel unwanted & my existence feels vestigial.

Been trying to still keep things going with the gofundme dealie, even though its helped me make a couple minor steps forward, I still feel like shit for having to E-panhandle in hopes of seeing any success with my fucking mess of a life.

Again, Im sorry for being this much of a sad excuse & a fucking mess.

Dealing with doctors regarding mental health, new meds, lined up with a new therapist. Nasty relapse, severe trauma response, self inflicted injuries, anxiety overwhelmed. I'm a big fucking broken mess with a lot that needs to be fixed.

Folks still want me here- I'll attempt. Not bringing back a ton of old stuff except for a couple pieces for reference. WIPS & doodles will be posted in my telegram channel which is entry by approval only: https://t.me/+D1Td0Vve0pNjNmRh

Closed for commissions, wont accept new ones for a very long while - most likely permanently & absolutely meaning it. If I can't properly resolve my personal issues then I have no grounds trying to position myself into a business of doing commission work, hence the potential permanent closure. Will draw but only accept donations.

Still dealing with constant job rejections, even had multiple employment agencies reject me, still going to try applying when more seasonal stuff comes around but feeling doubtful anyone will give me a chance.

Sorry for posting this here but folks have suggested to me left and right to do this, don't feel right with it but I need to do something before shit gets worse. Finally found an accredited route to get certified that won't take me literally years to endure and or the gamble on hoping any place will hire me that'll allow me to get to where I need to be. https://gofund.me/83e2000b5

After I close out my shit with folks here, doing y'all a favor & just deleting this account.

I have no drive to draw let alone create anymore. Good number of y'all helped make that possible.

Well - more rather want refunds. So, heads up: I cant pay for shit - phones getting shut off, internets going down for me so I wont be able to message anyone in efforts to get them their refunds back.

Still haven't been able to find a job. I just can't afford to exist.

Pretty much sold off all my shit.

Practically dead here and I know that makes a good number of y'all quite happy.

Just finishing those that I have drafts for then just refunding everyone else when I have the money again.

Don't care if you wanted something, I have to go fulfill being a 'FLAKE', a 'FUCK UP', & a 'DISAPPOINTMENT' as to meet up to many of y'alls expectations of me.

Well, tried for months, can't find employment. All my applications have been turned down or probably pitched right into the trash by employers or by the new "FREE' employee called A.I. , that every damned business is putting too much reliance upon.

Wasted weeks allocating my time to find employment when in the end all I got was bupkis along with a further delay in me getting my dues done.

Aside the personal shit, along with these past months of dealing with being on the brink of kidney failure, sepsis, multiple surgeries, & multiple hospital visits - I did the best I could during that time period; Physically & mentally I was fucking broken, still ain't back 100% here but doing my best.

Rerouting my time back onto doing art to make an income & in tandem just having to deal with getting my trade-skill certifications online since no college around me offers anything & damn near every optician shop around me doesn't see fit to hire me. Finally with places heavily pushing for remote learning, I can have legitimate access to getting that now compared to a few years ago.

Since getting back into art here, been working along with a few other artists to establish a TOS to settle things out, set some grounds/limitations, provide assurances, & to put my anxiety riddled n' mentally addled being in a better habit of self-accountability in regard of multiple aspects. Biggest aspect of this is establishing a 'kill fee' in regards of my works. As prior, even if I put in numerous hours of work into a project, including redos/edits/alts... I used to do a full refund if a commissioner wanted to cancel out the project & honestly I can't afford to do that anymore. I can't afford to spend 5+ days working on a $150 piece just to keep making nitpick edits or whole project overhauls that equivalate to $1200+ of my time/efforts to then only result in $150 or a full null out due to a refund - I just fucking can't anymore as its put me too much in a bad way in so many aspects.

I'm trying to get caught up the best I can folks but I got rent to pay & bills due.

Surgery tomorrow & hopefully this will be my last surgery relevant to my recent problem.

Been trying to get back to work the best I can these past weeks between procedures & trying to let myself heal.

Might be unable to work for 1-3 days after pending how hard the meds will fuck me up but will try to get back onto it all ASAP.

Reevaluating what I owe folks and honestly going to focus on getting the fat subject pieces out in terms of my total projects. I don't have many of those compared to muscle subjects, cut coordination & made refunds to a handful of commissioners who have been extremely picky or unreasonable which have turned a 1-2 day turn around project turn into a 6-8 day turn around. I tried to be thankful and considerate for the patience and understanding of those that have commissioned me by putting in some extra time and effort into folks pieces but theres an extent where it was being taken advantage of by folks & as a few have seen - some have gotten a little verbally abusive too.

I'm still struggling to find employment, I've been trying to avoid taking in more commissions but theres been far more hurdles than open doors & most of those open doors were just painted on the wall and I'm down to my last dollars, so I gotta do what I need to until I hopefully can find something outside of all this. Will be working with a few to actually establish a TOS & put that into effect to cover both myself & those that commission me from any hassles - god forbid I deal with anymore BS after these past 2 fucking years.

Had a hospital visit last Sunday - finally got my surgery on Tuesday. Recovering.

Will try to draw when I can.

Prior made refunds to those that absolutely wanted them earlier in the month - those that still got me, you're stuck with me. I can't afford to make anymore refunds with how my medicals fucked me over this past month & I can't fuck myself over any further by trying to appease like I have prior.

Pretty much stuck at home & not 100% to get back to job hunting so, need to focus on drawing when I can.

Well as a few know, back on the 18th I ended up in the hospital [was on the verge of experiencing total renal failure].

Mostly spent the past couple days mostly trying to recuperate/ deal with pain/ & sleep. Still am but thankfully not in too much pain that it hinders me from work.

Able to get back to work, unfortunately fell behind schedule. Like I said I am gonna try getting done what I can by May 1st before I issue refunds.

Few have expressed a willingness to wait a little longer due to the prior mentioned medical setback w/ me, which I appreciate. Reorganized my dues list from those that want something from me to those that basically told me to eat shit and die. So, yeah.

Sitting on the base for 17 sketches here for varied degree pieces that I've been circling for months that my self-esteem keeps telling me to trash.

Will see where things go, for now tho; Leave me to work - don't try to rush me - don't try to coerce me either. When the time comes, I will contact you.

At THAT point, already stated over on the hellsite/X/Twitter to just wait for me by May 1st to either get your art done or to refund [I would honestly prefer to get people their art instead] you but if you can't wait for that point then fine.

You want a refund? Come get it. DM me the transaction number, etc. I don't need extra commentary, just a resolution.

I had to make some exceptionally hard choices & forfeitures in efforts of getting my shit resolved here before it got worse & w/ trying to do right for folks along the way the best I can....

But as of now: I dont want to put in the effort toward something that isnt wanted nor will be appreciated, or just wants a rushed job done, & or is just going to verbally/emotionally abuse me. In the end, its not worth the outcome, the money, or the shitty 'rewards' gained during such.

I've lost a hell of a lot more than what I've been paid and I can't keep enduring it.

Those I owe to, expect something by May 1st whether it be art or a refund. I settled most of all my other severe shit despite by getting fucked over by paypal again.

There is no queue, quit asking to be first or next. Just leave me work, quit trying to rush me or derail my process. PLEASE.

If you want to change your idea then LMK, thats all.

If Im going to start on your stuff then I will contact you first but for now, in general, leave me be to do what I need to do.

I understand my priorities here but my priorities here arent securing my offline necessities. Ive been trying my damndest to not take in new comms since October and I've probably only taken in like 10 since October & only accepted 2 sketches this year that went under my average rates. Unless you're willing to pay my full rent, dont bother me.

I dont need to be rushed, I don't need any more trifling fuckery in my life, and my mental health has been fucking teetering and folks been needlessly fucking pushing it incessantly.

I WANT to be done & fucking out by then but in the meantime I also need to focus on securing solid employment somewhere.

NVM on the comm offer-

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Double checking & even triple checking on what I owe folks. Tons of spam DMs/notes & too many have jumped around these past months or deleted their accounts and its messed with trying to make proper scheduling here ontop of a spiraling mental health & the shitshow that my life has been since August 2023. Trying to make sure I have ALL of 2023 wrapped up, I think I have like 2-4 stragglers but a couple I don't remember if I did them or not, or if the refund I made since correlates with such. Trying to find out.

Really fucking trying here.

I really don't want to be asking this but I'm in a really fucking shit spot & really needing help.

Cant justify taking new comms, been trying to sell things off in efforts of squaring away refunds I did for folks & stuff isn't moving as fast as I need it to.

Bills upcoming, phone service cut, still trying to find employment. Ontop of it all meds are getting low. Trying to work & fix the situation on my end but its left me in severe constraints that doesn't really allow for progress.

If I need to prove what this is all going to isn't for pleasures I will, I'll show receipts if need be. If I can at least get my phone services back up then honestly that alone will make plenty of difference.

I'd be willing to do a crowdfund comic or something because I dont wanna be a total parasite neither, I just don't want to fall farther back & end up in a worse position than I already am.

https://ko-fi.com/oddballlion

Hoped to have more resolved but that got deterred majorly.

The guy that scammed me out of a bunch of merchandise & money from my non-art related business won the dispute, they pulled some overreach with their bank & pretty much robbed me. I even asked if my bank could do something, they asked "What could we do?", when its like - If the others had the power to do what the other bank did, then you should too? Right? Or is that illegal, hence solidifying my claim? Nah.... they wont budge.

Plus to add to that, had a few bigger dues that cancelled out which left me in an even shittier situation.

Ontop of that to add all the other shit prior I've dealt with over the past year & some months; My mental health be damned? YUP.

So, sorry for continuing to be a pure disappointment to y'all and for the few that have been waiting for art from me. My arts fucking mediocre anyway so its not a loss to those that have gotten or are getting their money back.

there really is no reason to try to do anything anymore

no matter how right I try to make everything it all just ends up wrong

even if I did everything correctly, someone or something comes along to fuck it all up for me

Been trying to catch up with folks and get by life & its just not enough. Just got my 5th refund request this week.

You got anything pre-April 2024 and you want a refund; just notify me.

Need to sell off my shit first & hope I get my money back from this guy trying to fraud me out of product from another business thats flopped so I don't go through the cycle of bringing in new commissions to further build a list that I shoulda kept killed off back in 2021.

If going to DM me here which would be preferred, just label the DM with [ Refund ] provide the receipt and thats that.

Please don't say anything else with it, I don't need some correctional commentary or to get finger waggled at or some excuse to why you feel you need to tell me that.

Thats it, thats all.

Prices here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/57893473/

If wanting to support my works but the prices are out of range? A donation would be equally as great, even a dollar goes a long way!

https://ko-fi.com/oddballlion

www.paypal.com/paypalme/Oddball

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If interested in getting something, just send me a note here! Or telegram if you have me.

Settled into my new place, certain of my living situation longterm (FINALLY & THANKFULLY FFS!!!!!!!!)

Back on track to getting whats owed to folks.

Will try dishing out all my smaller sketches for the remainder of this week, then Monday I will be able to have an idea for a dues list structuring! Was going to try setting up Trello again but seems theyve long since changed since I last used them - now requiring a few other accounts to have.

Looks like theres a system over on picarto???? Will look into it further or I will just have a manually made list up for folks to view.

Trying to play catch up here, thank you all with your patience during this whole nasty fumble & tumble I've been dealing with for almost a year on my end. Fingers fucking crossed for no more hassles and a smoother change of pace from here on out!

Had to forfeit my job due to health issues.

Getting back onto art full time here.

Needing to try finding new housing by July 1st, too much in such a short amount of time needs to be done.

Folks I owe those BLOB YCH's too from last year, need to ask if y'all:

-Even still want it? If so any changes?

-Rather go with a different idea or a more reasonable sized full body?

-Or just a refund so I can plan to clear things up?

Whatever you contacted me just HMU there.

Also trying to close out by May 5th with my outstanding dues overall that were from late 2023, already had a few hit me up with refund requests (Few managed already) which I'm working to have ready by then if need be. Trying to work here the best I can, on a mental medical leave from work so time is kinda more available again to get drawing. Will be doing a voluntary stay at a mental health facility for 3 days to a week, needing to get confirmation on my insurance first before I step forward.

Thats all for now, hope y'all are doing far better than me if anything.