if you need art from me, (request or owed art, or a trade you want to make) please comment here
okay?

and, if you ask for something from me, if im working on something for you, YOU MUST CRITIQUE
okay guys?

thank you

~Ian

the whole day, from begining (starting with some crazy fucked up nightmares), you just feel like curling up somewhere cold and dark and damp and just... cry your eyes out.......

yeah..... there was things i wanted to do, i just.... couldnt get to them.... i couldnt even just cry it out.... i wanted to curl up and cry, i just couldnt..... so ive been trapped like this all day...... so to distract myself, i did black ops all day.... went from level 42, prestiged, got to like level 8. though, i tripped over the wires and knocked over the xbox.... somehow that scratched the disk to the point its unreadable...... great, right? nothing to distract me now... thats the only game that i really feel like playing.... you know?
....i feel fat and disgusting, its hot as hell..... im lonely as hell.......
im really losing my mind..... im split dead down the center.... part of me wants to go back to how i once was (emotionless, craving pain purely for pleasure, wanting to burn down the world, not caring wether i lived or died...) then the other half wants to keep going the same direction (softening, becoming more people-dependant, clinging more to my mates..... craving more.... more heart.... etc... )......
idk,...... its complicated and kind of killing me....

oh, and also, im going bald..... legit losing hair..... its a genetics things though..... a handfull of people on my moms side had hair the same as mine, but it started falling out in their highschool years (which is happening to me now), and they were bald by their twenties.....
i dont know about you guys, but im going to buy a butt load of wigs......

yeah..... anyway.... watching soul eater atm, will probobly head to bed soon.....

thats all for now.... sorry guys........

yeah, i nuked everything

4000+ is too much for me.....

good night yall

heading to bed.... probobly wont be on again for a bit... sotty

love you all, and ill talk to you all as soon as i can

nighty night <33

i have to go to bed
love you all <33


sorry i havent been on as much as i wish i could be....

im working on pics and books and gaming here and there......
anyway, yeah


nighty night everyone <3333

sincerely
~Ian

(before you read that, read this. these are song lyrics i drempt/thaught up... picture a mix of like..... marolyn manson, dog fashion disco, disturbed, 5fdp..... other things of that aproximate genre)

We... We roam the earth, dead but out of the dirt.
we.... We live, but without life,
not but corpses left and right.
dredging on...
(dredging on)
...dredging on...
(dredging on)
dredging on
(dead, and walking)

we.. we, corpses, ready our teeth, dragging our feet, pushing on
just pushing on
(pushing forward, I can smell their flesh)


We.... we are not dead, but we want to join their ranks
we... we have their heart, but not their scars
we just march along,
(just march on)
march along,
(marching on and on)
march along
(your flesh... is ours)

we roam the earth, dead, and out of the dirt.
living without life, dead, rotting and dying inside.
we, the REAL ZOMBIES!!!

Sink out teeth into you deep, infecting you with our breed
Craving the flesh that lives,


~-~-~unfinished~-~-~

I am still working on this.... any sugestions or willing performers will be welcomed with open arms <33
(heads up though... im not sure how coherant i am atm)

LOVE YOU GUYS
ttyl <33

go to bed at midnight, wake up near 13:00
got to bed at 3 am and wake up at 6:30 am??????
WTF?????

I realize your retarded, pudgey, gross, and over akk dusgusting...... but, really???

sorry, I am not on that often anymore.... I still have to borrow my mothers computer.....

my arts and ports.
finished list:


ones that have yet to be started and will most likely not be done:


sorry guys.... im done with doing requests.... if your an epic or awesome person like (and others i dont have room for atm), ill do gifts for you guys, just because your so amasing <33

for other people I dont know so well but would like things, I will work on / do trades



also, currently, I am working on my books. I have turned my focus to one novel specifically that could become a potential series (book series).
i have a NUMBER of ideas i wish to get out too.
I would like to use my smaller ideas that i dont want to keep to myself with you guys <33

I would like to write books with others, like collabs. if your interested, note me and we'll work it out ^^
itll be a blast!



anyway, thats it as far as buisness goes...

now for more personal things.

yesterday, i was out doing yardwork all day. pulling weeds, tending to the rose bush, pulling weeds, mowing the lawn.... etc....
my poor baby,  snowspartan1399 got braces
also, he hasnt been talking to mu much lately..... i feel..... kind of neglected to be completely honest....
i drew a vent art because of that that i will post eventually.....
uhm...... hmm.... i dont know what else.... i desperately need money, family is being a pain in the ass, i feel i am slowly dying more and more by each passing day...... uhm..... hmmm....

i think that covers it all



talk to you guys later

sincerely
~Ian

nuked inbox.... sorry.... ;;

does anyone know whats going on?
aparently FA is full?

i dont know first hand... but theres like a hundred+ jurnals saying


idk, i submitted something just now and it was fine...... so..... wtf?

alright, well... ive been rather... extreamly upset with myself..... uhm..... its nothing really, its just i hate how painfully weak i have become.... used to be strong.... now im.... just pathetic.....
anyway~

yeah.... the day before yesterday, we dropped my laptop and the desk top off to be fixed (dropped em off at best buy), then we went and did putt putt (me, dad, and brother), i won because im a boss like that, then we did the mini arcade there and i hit the jackpot on this thing 4 times because i spammed with coins (its this thing where every time you put in a coin it fires a rocket, and if it makes it into a small opening in the circle in the center, you get a hundred tickets. i just popped em in as fast as i could, and ta-da). then my best friend devon texted me saying she needed me to hang out (she does modeling in new york and absolutely hates it, and ontop of that, shes been having some troubles with her bf..... so.... yeah...... we met up at like ten (22:00) and chilled and talked..... shes a bit off in the head, but not like in a bad way nessissarily.... and, yeah... we just kinda talked for a bit, saw some bunnies hopping around at the school, saw some big ass bugs and both freaked (BECAUSE BUGS ARE EWWYYYYYY!!!!! SHU' UP!!!!! ), and then when her mom wanted her home, i walked her hom, then walked home myself. (roughly 5 miles from her house to mine).....
hehe, connor asked if she liked me. i think he got jealous X3
HOW SWEET!!!!! <3333
(he denies it though. hehe, what a cutie pie <333 )

oh, and yesterday, i got dragged to a family thing off in lancaster...... sucked shit, because im anti social, dont know most these people, dont WANT to know them, and had nothing to do bu pase the yard alone...... sooo..... yeah........ that sucked......
uhm.... talked to snowball on live last night and loved it <333
poor babys got to get braces D:>

im still working on requests and shiz, so yeah

OH, and i got two more CDs whilst at best buy. mechanical animals and one x (manson and three days)
so now i have 27 in my collection X3

alright, now i think thats all

OH, WAIT, i forget that uber fucked uo nightmare!!!!!!!
i dont reember it much now, but.... this shape-shifty monster thing that turns people into candy and eats them!!!! (not like a person turns into a jian m&m, more like they are in the same shape and are still moving and alive, bud are composed of thousands oof candies)..... it was fucking werird..... walking through suburban street, dinosour noises, nightime.... a few pople gathered around a tree, one old dude pointing a big gun at it.... looks like theres a small monkey or somesthing crawling around up there, then it jumps out and lands in the street.... it layd there, but it looked like a possum, but it had tire marks over it and looked like road kill.... then it slowly sad up and inflated so the tirremarks dissapeared and it was the saze of a 10 year old roughly (but was still in possum form) sitting there, its eyes fixed on me.... black, cold..... lifeless and evil... then it lunged at me, biding for my legs, then the guy shot it with the shotgun, then it went after him and turned him into a bunch of candy canes and slurped him down...... and tore the shit out of the other people while i ran like fuck..... i could hear their screams........ i got home, but i guess it followed me..... it killed my little brother and mom, im not sure how....i went to go get my dad who was sitting in his office, and i woke up litterally seconds after getting to him....... it was..... freakin weird....... cant even guess what it means.....
future or current psycho-ologists, i challenge thee to figure out WHAT THE FUCKNUTS THIS MEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW THATS ALL~
LOTTA TYPING
i thank you if you took the time to read it all *hugs and licks yo FACE!!!!* <333


thanks guys, ttyl
YOURS TRULY
~Yihabin / Ian C.H.

CURRENT SLOTS!!!!!!
(if your suposed to be on this list and arnt, or theres a screw up in what you want, then SAY SOMETHING!!!)

user type status

+ - request - DONE and up http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6006994
+ - request - Done and here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6039021
- - gift-ish - DONE, but not yet up
- - request - DONE, but not yet up
- - gift-ish - DONE, but not yet up

- - request - not yet started (something dark and sinsister. look in comments here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2480710/)
- - request - our 'sonas together in panties >///>
- - request - YTBD (yet to be determined)

- - GIFT(s) - SURPRISEEE ( reff: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5989396/ )


- :open: -
- :open: -
- :open: -



(if you want to request, but dont know what to do, try viziting my little shop http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6006722 OR http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5987167/ but with your mates and sonas ORhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/5974530/ but with your 'sonas OR http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5974364/ join my crew! ORhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/5944402/ make love to a coutch )

haha, note me or comment here or whatever for request or trades or whatever you want!!!!

BUT!!!!!
when i do work for you, you guys have to comment on what i did for you, tell me what you like, what needs work... critique a little
i need your help to become a better artist!!!!



THANKS GUYS!!!!

snuck on dads computer at 1:35 am to give an update

havent been on in last 2 or 3 days...... im kinda going crazy.... life is being... heh, life....
stressed, tired, friend issues, family, relationship issues... etc......

i dont quite have time to go through messages, pictures, update my requests list (i am working on it though)

anyway!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

and feel free to text me if you want!!! jut tell me who you are, okay?
cell number: 267 226 0870
THANKS GUYS


talk to you as soon as possible!!!!!
and if i owe you stuff, dont worry, im getting to it!!!! >:O
lol

.....just kill me.....
i feel so cold....... so dead............. like i did quite some time ago.........
i.... i dont want to feel this......

"i love you"... "okay..."
THAT FUCKING CUT ME DEEP!!!!!!
..........




this is about connor........ i love him dearly...... but........
.... hes not acting like..... like such a different person.... he used to open up..... talk.... give a rats ass........... i.... i dont even.....
idk........

maybe its just one of those days.......


i.... i still feel..... so dead............ ive curled up and cried..... i cant stop shaking.........


.........................................................................................................................................

okay guys, heres my idea!
colab comics kinda

one does one panel, one does another, and go back and fourth like that till the comic is done~

what do you think!!!!!

pick which one you want to work with
-the yiffing forrest
-Yiharbin's Shoppe Nueah (magic shop)
-Zymitro, the arena of death (similar to the collusium)
~open for other sugestions~


JUST COMMENT HERE!!!!!

also, im still open for requests and trades

note me, comment here, leave me a shout (when i go through messages, in order i check notes, submission/jurnal comments, then shouts. just so you know. id prefer them to be in the jurnal so theyre easier to find)

THANKS GUYS!!!!!!

and please, spread the word and give feedback!!!!

Okay guys....... FA, I need a spot of help.....
I'm turning gay.....
NO WAY IN FUCK IM GOING FULL GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D:<
no offence if your gay, but, no way in fucking hell im living like that....

so, hears my theory

a little bit of internet lesbian porn, rp with more women, a few minor beatings.... i should be back to normal in a few weeks.....

OH!!!
and i need some tips on how to draw a womans body? mainly bewbs
the rest i can toy with, but...... im struggling pretty bad with it....... >:T


uhm.... what else...... idk, i think that may be it......


eh......

with....burned my thumb with the lighter, burned my knuckles holding up the bottle i was firing them out of, my hair even caught fire a little bit from that, i had to put my head in the sink, and a haywire shot almost blew my ear off. i still can barely hear out of it.
also, connor was suposed to try to beat my record of how many times i fapped in a day. he got to four! my records eleven!!!! (i might only last a little while, but i can go as many times as you want) (felt sick as shit the next day... >.> couldnt even get hard for a whole week after that)
uhm.... what else.... couldnt remember what i was suposed to draw people (mainly the details and things.... so i couldnt finish the one i lined (didnt remember the actually complex pattern), so, i drew a pic for me, and one for nina, my master.... a new 'sona actually. a cooler on! XP
(i swear, this chick changes her sona every week!)
....hmmm.... what else....
biked with my dad, but ist been so long and im so out of shape..... like between a half an hour to an hour of biking, i couldnt breathe, heart was pounding... i dont sweat all that much...... uhm........ yeah..... still sore....

oh, and thismorning, i woke up humpin my pillow! >///<
i wish i could remember my dream!!!

anyway!!!! thats all for now folks!!!!

Quick updates:

---

CURRENT SLOTS!!!!!!

user type status

+ - request - DONE and up http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6006994
+ - request - Done and here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6039021
- - gift-ish - work in progress (started, not finished)
- - request - not yet started (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4368784/ and http://tails230.deviantart.com/art/Vix-s-Honest-Mistake-150064232?q=boost%3Apopular%20by%3Atails230%20Vix&qo=0 (The one on the left) getting flirty / playing around )
- - request - not yet started (something dark and sinsister. look in comments here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2480710/)




- :open: -
- :open: -
- :open: -



(if you want to request, but dont know what to do, try viziting my little shop http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6006722 OR http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5987167/ but with your mates and sonas ORhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/5974530/ but with your 'sonas OR http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5974364/ join my crew! ORhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/5944402/ make love to a coutch )

haha, note me or comment here or whatever for request or trades or whatever you want!!!!

BUT!!!!!
when i do work for you, you guys have to comment on what i did for you, tell me what you like, what needs work... critique a little
i need your help to become a better artist!!!!



THANKS GUYS!!!!

---

lifes been..... weird..... i want to do things, but dont physically have the drive....... idk....
bros been pissing me off like crazy, connors been worrying me like crazy... last night i had an uber emo fit........ yeah......
also, recently got some more chocolate, and finished it not long after. its called ritter sprt, the greatest chocolate you will ever have. try it, get addicted. its amasing. surprisingly hard to come by.....

sitting here watching ju-on 2 on netflix via xbox live.... my internets been shitty the last few days.... we completely lost internet last night... was scared we werent going to get it back....... anyway..... yeah, idk... not much to tell.....

uhm.... i guess ill ttyl guys........

i just spent half a mother fucking hour writing up a jurnal, hit post and i get "internet explorer can not display this web page".... had to refresh the page.... mother fucking magic.... cleared it.....
mother. fucking. joy.


anyway!!!!!
..... yeah...... im crying my eyes out, stressed as fuck.... mother fucking computer isnt helping.....




yeah.........

i dont feel like retyping everything.... maybe later or another day......
the key points were something like....

im worried sick about connor....
im useless, worthless cant do anything.....
how i scrape by in life is.... rather pathetic... write, draw, blair music (not fag ass bob marley, but things like jack off jill, dog fashion disco, rammstein.... etc.... (mainly music that makes me happy. i cant stand happy music and shit, its like a spike to the brain.....)), and most importanly, i live in my own little world..... if im pissed, i can masacre who ever i want, go on killing sprees, and not go to jail for it...... i am immortal, a shapeshifter and.... basically combine hellsings alucard with alex mercer of prototype, and there you go.....

i wish connor would try to do the same...... hes my everything.....
my pride, my joy, my motivation, my strength.... my everything........



i wish i could help people, but i cant..... im useless..... i try my best, but its no where near good enough....





anyway.... nuked everything in my inbox....
hope you guys are doing as fan-fucking-tastic as i am!!! (i seriously hope all you guys have it way better than i do atm....)

love you all!

ttyl

connor.....
hes depressed... like, legit........ im.... im so scared and worried!!!!
i dont want to lose him!!!!

were talking....... on yahoo.....
"nothing makes me happy" he says....
GOD!!!! I WANT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY!!!!!


please, does anyone know a way to get from havertown PA to columbia SC
please!!!!!!!!

can anyone get me their????
GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im stressed as hell.... i have flipped out a few times....
connors friend jessica relayed a message to me that connor was going to cut himself up... bad..... then i didnt hear from him for a bit..... i spammed him with messages... he said he was okay..... he said hes lonely..... he is really painfully lonely........ (in truth, so am I, but.... i ignore it to keep connor and everyone else happy.....).... my other mate, nina, is going to go see him soon... though.... i primesed him id see him this summer, but all my plans got fucked up bad........ im worried that nina will show him too much of an amasing time and hell lose interest in me.... or theyll both just drop me out of this..... or maybe nina wont get to him in time and he... well..... yeah......

usually when im lonely, i talk to the dog... but.................


sooo, anyway.... im losing my mind, feel extreamly depressed, worried and lonely..... gotta love it!

i hope you all are enjoying your lives more and are just out having a blast! ^^

yours truly
-Ian H.

CURRENT SLOTS!!!!!!
user - type - status

- request - DONE and up http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6006994

- request - done, but not yet up

- gift-ish - yet to be started (note 4 later: he wants a cat bath!)

- request - not yet started (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4368784/ and http://tails230.deviantart.com/art/Vix-s-Honest-Mistake-150064232?q=boost%3Apopular%20by%3Atails230%20Vix&qo=0 (The one on the left) getting flirty / playing around )

- request - not yet started (something dark and sinsister. look in comments)


- :open: -
- :open: -
- :open: -


(if you want to request, but dont know what to do, try viziting my little shop http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6006722 OR http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5987167/ but with your mates and sonas ORhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/5974530/ but with your 'sonas OR http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5974364/ join my crew! ORhttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/5944402/ make love to a coutch )

haha, note me or comment here or whatever for request or trades or whatever you want!!!!

BUT!!!!!
when i do work for you, you guys have to comment on what i did for you, tell me what you like, what needs work... critique a little
i need your help to become a better artist!!!!



THANKS GUYS!!!!

THE KINKY KIND!!!!!!!!

lol
sorry i was gone for a few days... my laptops still broken, and we still dont have money to fix it... so i have to wait till moms done stalking pattinson bumming around the internet (facebook, my space, twitter..... typical mom sites i guess...)

16 notes, 27 comments (i love how none of which, with 2 or 3 exceptions, are on any pictures i put up) , 2511 submissions, 1160 jurnals, and..... WOW 46 FAVES!!!!!!
THANKS GUYS!!!!!!
that means a ton <3
whish people would leave comments, but..... eh, whatever i guess....



im handling the loss of my dog...... not well.....
uhm..... im getting super fucking disgustingly fat........ my parents dont understand that "no, im not hungry" means I DONT WANT ANY FUCKING FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when food is infront of me, i cant not eat it!!!
not to mention, its soooo hot, i just.... i do little more than lay about watching tv..... i dont even have the modivation to draw......
ITS THE DAMN HEAT!!! MY BODY DOESNT FUNCTION IN HEAT!!!!!
when its hot (like summer mostly is) im just a gelatinous mass on the coutch.... when its hot, i dont feel like doing anything, ever....... when its cold, i am hyper and happier usually.... cleaning, simply because its something to do.... drawing like crazy..... tons of writing... working out.... at least some motivation to work out......

ANYWAY!!!!!!!

uhm...... yeah.... been gaming a little every so often..... connors been off almost all week....
sunday through wednessday afternoon, thurst day to saterday.....
first the shore, then football camp
MY POOR BABY CHIPPED HIS TOOTH PLAYING FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!! D':>>
i swear, when me and him live together, im padding him up, and padding the crap out of the house!!!
plus.... last night was an emotional night between me an him, and a few other people too........ things are going okay-ish though right now
my other mate finally got her phone back, so we cant text again, and shes back on FA!
hehehe

...i had some messsed up dreams the past few nights..... like connor breaking up with me, days going by just crying.... crying for days and days, making myself a nuese out of wire.... the same wire i tried to do it with before... but it snapped when i did it before... thistime, i threaded a bunch of strands of it together so it wouldnt snap.... i set it up, got up on on a chair, fastened it around my neck...... i called him... he picked up and said "leave me alone".... he hung up on me... i wispered "goodbye connor... i love you" and knocked over the chair.....
i had a creepier one too...... idk, something about a three dimentional maze..... and trap doors... a monster gorila or something..... the part that made it actually really creepy was i didnt have any weapon and there was this part... it was a dimply lit boiler room looking place.... and walking slowly in smooth yet jerky motions.... it was rex.... my dog that passed, but is eyes were black, but glowed red and drooling blood... he looked.... possessed.... evil.... he was after me i think..... i woke up not long after that.......
idk........ not going to get too much into details here.......

uhm.... what else.... my dad loves one song by my favorite band....
we went to toys are us the other day, and we got nerf weapons... pretty fun to beat eachother up with.... saw xmen the other day too.... wes meh.....


i think that might be it...........


OH!!!!!
anyone got tips for losing weight (fat. not just losing wight, losing fat.) or.... making things.... bigger?
specifig diets or exercizes?

ALSO!!!!
im toying with ideas for requests and trades, and eventually commissions...... hopefully




now.... i think thats it!!!!!

thanks for reading if you you did ^^
sorry if i wasted your time!

....im PMSing right now... pretty bad..... im just.... im losing my fucking mind........
stress/anxiety.... just... people.....
connor, nina, erin, devon, aaron, michelle, and more..... not to mention the future..... i doubt my dreams will come true.... i should know better than to dream.... i should know better than think itll happen.....
ill probobly end up living in a cardboard box in an alley somewhere.......
i dream of a relatively small house, with me and my mates..... them doing whatever they want, me writing for a living and design and make clothes on the side..... travel the world, learn and become fluent in german........ and more......


im going to die of starvatino and parasites, in a box, in an alley, all alone........
thats what my future holds..... im never going to accomplish anything... everyones going to foresake me......

-cries- worthless, useless, miserable sack of shit!!!!!
IM WORTHLESS!!! USELESS!!!!
i am, always was, and always will be... nothing.......