So I have fallen in love with this amazing girl by the name of Sandra, and she has shown me a new world, shown me what it is like to live!
I spent a weekend in the mountains with her and her folks; I went to hershey park with her, her dad, her dads girlfriend and dad girlfriends folks; and just the other day her, me and my best friend Erin went to chuck-e-cheese, then a craft store then a bar.

Guys... This girl... She makes me feel things... wonderful wonderful things <3
She has been... bringing me out of my shell a lot. Hell, even at hershey, she got me on some rides! (it is a big deal because I have anxiety issues and really don't do rides). She... She makes me so happy, she has made me live life and.... and I want more ^^ That is kind of a dangerous slope though.... because... look, I am a less than social person, I dont do things, and she has lived such a life... she has been to raves and has stories about all sorts of stuff.... I want to live like she has! mushies, molly, raves and parties and all!

man.... I love this chick~
Even if she is a lesbian and that makes some complications... well, which part is complicated, the fact that she is a lesbian or that i am biologically a guy? lol. She loves me and I love her... gender and orientation only mean... well, no normal sex (no sex at all really). It doesn't matter though, it is about the heart and what is inside. Cuddles, some making out, holding hands, going on dates and adventures... that is all I really need <3

I love this girl!

So I have fallen in love with this amazing girl by the name of Sandra, and she has shown me a new world, shown me what it is like to live!
I spent a weekend in the mountains with her and her folks; I went to hershey park with her, her dad, her dads girlfriend and dad girlfriends folks; and just the other day her, me and my best friend Erin went to chuck-e-cheese, then a craft store then a bar.

Guys... This girl... She makes me feel things... wonderful wonderful things <3
She has been... bringing me out of my shell a lot. Hell, even at hershey, she got me on some rides! (it is a big deal because I have anxiety issues and really don't do rides). She... She makes me so happy, she has made me live life and.... and I want more ^^ That is kind of a dangerous slope though.... because... look, I am a less than social person, I dont do things, and she has lived such a life... she has been to raves and has stories about all sorts of stuff.... I want to live like she has! mushies, molly, raves and parties and all!

man.... I love this chick~
Even if she is a lesbian and that makes some complications... well, which part is complicated, the fact that she is a lesbian or that i am biologically a guy? lol. She loves me and I love her... gender and orientation only mean... well, no normal sex (no sex at all really). It doesn't matter though, it is about the heart and what is inside. Cuddles, some making out, holding hands, going on dates and adventures... that is all I really need <3

I love this girl!

Today started with witnessing a car crash at my bus stop....around ten yards away, the car hit a concrete wall after skidding through a shut down gas station, other cars are/were aparently mangled too, but didn't know until later. Don't know how many fatalities, but I don't think there were that many, if any

What happened next? Found out my one class of the day was cancelled, THEN found that that wawa was giving free coffee for their 50th anniversery of being awesome! So, road trip! XD me and 3 friends went in one of their cars and drove, passing like 5 of them because he doesn't know where the hell anything is (he is the same rocket surgeon that earlier this week deleted the internet off of his computer because he thayght it was a viruse XD )
We got our free coffees, and a few for the group, and we were headbanging to rammstein and stuff on the trip back to campus, and that was fun. Uhm.... what else happened?
My friend that wants to be a personal trainer took me and a bunch of our group of friends to thy gym there for a fitness session (like 7 or 8 not counting me or him), so, yeah. Ripped my pants during said work out, so I think. I have only 2 pairs left XD

What else happened today? Walked around campus with two friends... came back, friend made me rub her feet for her, uhm..... what else? Think that may be it for todays weird fun XD


Just a fun update, kinda
Lol, hope you guys are all doing well

So... according to my friend Erin, I have depression.... I have been more tired, not sleepy tired but just lacking energy, I have been having weird cryptic dreams, not caring as much about school work, personal work either, not as careful with hygene (meaning hopping in the shower and getting washed as Regular, just not cleaning as well)... some other symptoms I don't remember... less active at texting and stuff... udk...

So, if I seem weird for a couple days, that is why... bare with me here for now, okay?

Love you guys

Sorry for not being so much around and about, college... says iit all... and I am slacking in my classes from a mix of depression and stress (we have a strange group of friends, and I some how get caught in drama and bullshit and it is increadibly draining)
Bleh.... I will eventually push to become more active. Sorry boys and girls
I still love you all!

Yeah, I haven't been feeling too grate as of late.... stressed, and swamped with school work... and starting thismorning, I got a debilitating pain in my side that's been off an on... earlier today I was doubled over in pain on the verge of tears ond possibly throwing up.... I may look into a doctor if I'm still in pain tomorrow.... ugh....

Hope things have been going well for you guys!
Good night for now, sleep tight fuzz butts

Well hello there fuzzy butts!
Sorry for not being around so much... college has taken a lot of my energy and I just... don't really have it in me to check up on the sites I'm on by the time I get home....

I really feel the need to share today... this jerk off of a teacher who is teaching a class titled teaching with technology can't teach for hell... I mean, like, he points to links of examples of what he wants with piss poor instruction of what to do and not even a specific description on what we're doing or what he's looking for and says to learn it and that it is our responsability to look at these things, learn it and use it...
Well, for the project we had to do, I added and extra page and titled it "side note" and voiced my major complaints in the class as politely as I could, and above it, since what he 'taught' us was using word art and clip art in microsoft word... I clip arted a picture of a computer, inserted shape of an equals sign with a line through it, and used word art to put the word "teaching" XD I hope he gets the message there
I am not sure if this guy is going to laugh or if trouble awaits me.... but... well, first day of the class he laughed at me for taking notes with a pen and paper, called it 1940s technology and said everything is on the cloud now... well, internet was down due to the snow storm, particularly bad where the teacher lives so he couldn't access any of the stuff saved to the cloud thing (because it requires internet), so thismorning, when he was talking about it, I said something like "so where's your cloud now" XD he laughed, which makes me think he may laugh at this (I have always found ways to make projects more interesting, even when I don't hate the class... like in marine science, we had to make a picture of a food web of a marine ecosystem and include a ton of levels to it and everything, and I included sharktopus in mine XD and it was beautiful)

But... really, this guy is teaching a class for education majors and doesn't seem to really know how to (effectively) teach... and this isn't the only class that's a bad joke! Worse yet, my intro to interpersonal communication class, the teacher sucks at giving instructions and explaining things! When we have to discuss things as a small group, the first thing we discuss is what the hell is she asking us to even talk about... a communications teacher that sucks at communicating! That is.... is that a pun? A bad joke? What is this madness!

Ugh... so, yeah, that makes things a tad bit rough
^^;;;



I'll try to be more active here when I can be
Miss you guys!
~Yiharbin

My best friend Erin had a siezure today... it was horrifying.....
....no one realized anything was wrong until she fell limp on me.... we layed her on the floor carefully, she was twitching a little and her eyes were spazzing out... she started choking on her tongue... I remembered you have to roll a siezure victem on their side (thank you 9th grade health class... they taught us CPR as well as how to handle medical emergencies and identifying eating disorders... it seemed pointless then, but it came in handy)... omg, it was a horrifying sound.... it sounded like choking... it sounded like death......
alli and eisha watched her while alex, ken and I ran for help....omg......... I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life... looking for security...
She did get up after a few minutes and seemed kinda okay... ken drove her home with alli and I as escorts to make sure everything was okay.... her mom took her right to the ER after we dropped her off...

I am glad things didn't go worse, because they definitely could have. She says she is fine and is getting blood work done as I am typing this.... holy hell, that was such a scary experience, it is just sorta hitting me now... I could have lost my best friend today.....

This is more than likely a stupid question, but who are the fox and dragon that are in every FA banner in relation to the site? Like... are they the face of the site? The top funders? The top tier admins that do the woriest work? Are they the people that came up with the idea for FA? Who are they?

it is regarding Zuash again....
someone apparently got suspended on FA for saying something to the guy over what happened... called him a sexual predator, if I am not mistaken... now everyone is rushing out of here because of the admin decision to suspend someone over saying something to the guy / accusing him of stuff

well... FA is doing the smart thing... though I disagree with it morally... it counts as slander and harassment... If FA admins dont do anything and something bad happens, they are in hot water for not getting involved or intervening


I am not going to be the first to defend the FA admins because I got suspended a while ago for posting an adult picture while age blocked.... I looked at my gallery after they said the removed the ones that were adult and the fuckers deleted a good handful of things that WEREN'T adult... I was furious.... I am still furious over that in fact.... but, what they did/are doing here is smart... all they are doing is trying to avoid getting confronted by johny law....

SO FURRIES
CALM YOUR TITS
THEY ARE NOT SUPPORTING A RAPIST (or whatever he is accused of)
THEY ARE AVOIDING GETTING IN TROUBLE AND FOLLOWING WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO


----
EDIT:
I was mislead... or, rather... misinformed. I was unaware he was being hired for something...
IDK, shit happens.
here is a mind blowing question... is he legitimately guilty? I mean... you can get arrested for something you didn't do.. know that first hand >.> all ya need is an accusation,,,,
ANOTHER mind blowing question... does one fuck up make you a horrible person and mean that every idea you are going to get you are going to impliment to bring down the world? I don't think so

honestly... I never talked to the guy personally, but I enjoy his work... dont give a crap honestly

I still hold to that calm your tits comment

Yeah, so.... I haven't really been actively checking my messages as much as I was hoping... I am barely active on here, actually
Why?

Look... FA on the computer is just shit... I don't know what my dad did to this computer but now there are random pop ups and advertizements everywhere... ESPECIALLY on FA, which runs incredibly, painfully slow on the computer to begin with (to the point that running nothing but FA on firefox can crash firefox (this is with no other browsers open or programs running... not sure if that has an impact or not)... so, I have been more active on Ink bunny, just because it doesn't have half as many problems (*caugh caught* and has easier to use inbox system for notes, messages and sumbiissions *caugh caugh*)

Anyway, yeah, sorry guys and gals...
That's not why I am not posting things on here, I have things to ppost stahsed on a flashdrive somewhere, just don't feel like getting arouund to it....

Anway, yeah, hope you guys aren't freezing your tails off... here in PA, idk the temperature but for the past 2 days, I could see my breath inside the house X_X the pipes have been freezing up too, so, no drinking water or water to shower or to wash bowls and cups with... so I've been eating cerial out of a disposable cup using a disposable fork and drinking gingerale from the can..... bleh.
At least there is electricity so I can netflix, internet and curl up infront of the mini space heater XD

Anway, hope you guys are keeping warm and doing well!
Idk when I will get to be more active on here again

(I am posting this on my phone btw, so sorry for typos and extra letters... these keys are sticking a little)

It is my birthday today.. >.<
every birthday, I feel that much older.... Like, legitimately feel older when the day comes
bleeehhhhh... well, I've been up since... some time yesterday... almost 6 am, so, may go to bed
good night, all

This is more just to get things out.... I don't know what is wrong with me lately... everything feels... strange and different again... almost as if everything feels too real, but also that everything is so... foreign to me, even everything inside my own house..... and there is a weird hollowness inside me that feels like it is clawing at my insides... and.... I just feel so cold.....
...I feel so... painfully lonely.... and... almost desperate............................ I feel like.... like I need some type of affection or something from somewhere... I just....... I feel empty... and unwanted............

Lol, merry Christmas furballs, fuzzy butts and strange people! X3

Hope all you guys, girls and others have a funtastic and magical Christmas with your friends, families and significant others
May the food be awesome, the.presants sweet, the times be memorable and the sex be rockin'


X3

~Yiharbin

Been feelings... Darker. Not depressed... well, a little, but not the usual crushing blackness... This is a more of a dancing darkness... Does that make sense?
Like...
My usual darker days are me drowning in my own crushing depths, sinking deeper the more I struggle to reach the surface... But this feeling... it is similar, but with a head turned high, accepting the sinking and not fighting it, watching the bubbles escaping my lungs drift to the shimmering surface.... there is a strangge beauty and more emotion, apposed to hollowness.....

My apologies if that does not make sense..... I am trying to explain this feeling the best I can...

eh... whatever... how are you fuzzy butts doing?

I guess since I opened this up on ink bunny, might as well do the same here

Look, I need to improve, but I feel terrible when I open requests or commissions and something comes up preventing me from doing the drawing I am supposed to do...

So, what I need from you?
I need people able to provide Ideas and/or characters, as well as possibly reff sheets
BASICALLY REQUESTS, but obligation free (meaning I don't have to do your picture, and you aren't going to cry, bitch or yell if I don't do it or don't do it how you thaught it should be done)

Comment here if interested!
The actual discussions over what will get drawn and character referances and all will probobly be held over notes (unless that is completely inconvenient, we may be able to find another method of communicating quickly and easily)

MAY THE MAYHAM FLOWETH FORTH!!!!!

I don't know anymore.... I feel so... so isolated and alone all the time..... this... just.... I don't even really know what's wrong with me....
Lately, my downswings have been harder, and..... not just that, I've just all around haven't been doing well...
I have been really lonely and kinda depressed lately.... I actually don't know how exactly to explain what I am feeling... I feel whispers around my head, though there are no words or sounds, I feel that they are there... and I constantly feel like there are eyes watching me.... all the time... watching my every move, every motion, everything........ and.... idk ....
I feel like everything is just wrong and that things arnt how they are meant to be..... I just.... I don't know.....
I just... needed to get this out.... I know it isn't much and no one will actually take the time to read this.... just.... needed to vent my growing insanity a little...... sorry if I am worrying anyone.....

Do you guys know that warm feeling of reassurence after doing something that tells you that you are doing the right thing? Today, I was doing an assignment from intro to teaching; shadowing a teacher and helping out in the class room. It was a 5th grade class at the elementery school I went to a decade ago XD

It was really fun, and how this guy taught and conditioned his students.... it was... amazing! All the little kids were offering willingly to help one another and did more work than they had to for things to study and to help out eachother... they do a lot not for grades.... and he lets them just mess around a lot, be as wild as they want, but he can call them back in a second... it is amazing!

It was... pretty beautiful actually... That is sort of the kind of teacher I want to be, and it really restored my hope for humanity



anyway, just a little sorta update I guess
thanks guys

Well.... okay, let's start with the why part first
My friend Erin's bf has a thing for scented candles, my friend kim's bf gets off from smelling dirty old shoes... neither of them (being the females) gets their obsession with scent.... Alyssa and her bf are similar here too, I forget what he likes to smell, but it is the same thing pretty much....

First question is... is there some something in the male mind about scents of things that females don't have? I mean... females have all this scented bullshit left and right, but guys seem to be really picky and really into smells...... hell, even I get off on the scent of cigarette smoke...

Second question is... do you guys relate at all or have any information on this? Any stories about this either supporting the idea that males are more into scents vs females, or sproof that females are into scents too?

sooo, today, went to the GSA club with a girl from my intro to teaching class, since erin, who was going to go with me, was feeling ill and left early... it was... interesting... sometiems, i do forget about how socially awkward I am and my social anxieties.... the people there were really nice and nifty... but... idk...
see, when I talk to new people, my heart races and i cant get enough air and stumble over my words... so... I just... sorta stay in a silent outskirt of the interaction zone.... I hate my social problems....... I am not sure why, but... i get almost mild panic attacks when around new people and groups of people............. i forgot about this in my loneliness and near desperation for interaction

sooo, yeah.... after that, went to history, pretty sure i bombed the test
I have a test for intro to teaching tomorrow, as well as my cause and effect essay for english comp due tomorrow
>.< busy busy days...

there is more going on... erin said she would teach me to sow and embroider and stuff... depressions been swinging hard... ive been told that i'd make a good history teacher, i really dont know what I want to teach, stll figuring it out... schools been busy... snowed this morning...idk, I feel there is more, but whatever

that is all
I hope to talk to you guys more

-Yiharbin

Okay, So, I am thinking about piecing together a poetry book from old shit I posted on DA to deal with depression and shit...
well, I hit the ones that were less thaught and more emotion... sorta.... and, I want your opinion... wether to edit, keep or skip

the following are links to different things I posted.... for whichever ones that catch your interest, feel free to read em, and let me know which you think need skipped, kept or edited
(also, this isnt every single one I have looked at... there is a large handful I have already pre-approved myself, and there are some I flat out said no to myself... and there is still a lot to go through in my gallery. >.< so, this will have to do for now)

THANKS GUYS

here we go!
1- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Helpless-am-I-339239444?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=122

2- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Vulpes-vulpes-337601069?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=133

3- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/an-atom-out-of-place-330795641?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=143

4- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/for-the-price-of-love-feigned-330690431?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=144

5- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Nothing-am-I-330689860?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=145

6- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Mutt-328523286?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=151

7- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/I-am-the-Black-Cat-327679728?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=162

8- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Wrong-head-in-charge-326181421?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=238 (I actually really like this one XD not sure what it was over or from exactly, but.... I love how it is now)

9- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Drift-on-325443613?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=326

10- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Worthless-325443251?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=327

11- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/the-Clouds-will-part-325443080?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=328

12- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Creator-is-not-dead-325442282?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=329

13- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Cries-324601783?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=340

14- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Save-my-Soul-316295873?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=380

15- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/What-am-I-to-you-316295666?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=381

16- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Not-alone-312457720?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=397

17- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/The-Grass-is-Always-Greener-312418060?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=398

18- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Rocks-311770881?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=407

19- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/the-great-river-310054137?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=442

20- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Oxidized-Angel-rusted-are-thee-310049062?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=452

21- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/their-joy-300507650?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=483 (I remember being really into this one.. at least when I wrote it, back in that self destructive imaginative phase)

22- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/A-man-named-Martha-295923781?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=487 (that was a request... well, the request was a funny poem about finding a corpse in an alleyway... soooo, this happened)

23- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/My-Love-292346227?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=499

24- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/I-wish-there-was-no-end-290210841?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=507

25- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Dear-Depression-287943255?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=512

26- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/why-must-this-be-286649119?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=514 (I am really thinking about keeping this one)

27- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/mind-verses-reality-285863193?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=515

28- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/Stress-284763585?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=517

29- http://yiharbin.deviantart.com/art/my-weakness-284753776?q=gallery%3Ayiharbin%2F12492341&qo=518


thanks again<3

Sooo.. yeah.... things are.... well, moving, I guess... college has been leaching out every ounce of energy, and... idk, there really isn't much I can do. I have either no time or no energy to really do much drawing or writing or anything too fun

Bleh.... also, not sure if I have already mentioned it, but, I am saying anyway... I am now single... yay... I think I am going to take a break from love and dating and stuff..... I am really hurting a lot, actually... I don't see any of you in real life, so there probobly isn't much surprise
But... yeah.... I am lonely, but tired of being hurt... and a little, I don't want to say confuzed..... maybe... conflicted.... over some stuff... dunno.....

Sorry this isn't a full in depth update... there are other tidbits going on, I am just too tired to really put up a whole thing, also, typing it from my phone doesn't exactly make it super easy


Anyway!
Love you guys. I'll be around and about
Message me about whatever you guys want if you guys want. I guess requests and commissionsa re open, but incredibly slow and not exactly garunteed because I don't know when all my classes will simultaneously assign a fuck load of homework and things
... but... yeah...
That's it for now

Buy, guys and gals

yeah...... whoopty fucking do....
*curls up in the corner, crying softly*

sorry if i am slow to or dont respond or seem out of it.....
...



hope you guys are doing well

-Yiharbin

The world is wide
The world is unpleasant
No ones on my side
Ache is a reoccuring presant

Everyone to my face is a liar
It seems no one is there to trust
I lost the heart to set the world on fire
My world is painted by rust

My clock reads expired
What has been alowed to transpire

I feel sick to my stomach
The world revolves around me, completely ignoring my existance, as if I were not a part of it
And though I am sitting iin my own bed in my room, I feel worlds away from home
I fee like I have been lost for too long
Each half of my brain raises armies against one another as we speak
I feel as though I am someone how at a cross roads and just hit a dead end
There is no foreseeable path
Yet, back isn't an option and there is no foreward, but stopping is also not an option...
What does that even leave???
I am not sure what or who I am
I don't feel any desires anymore
I lost all flame of passion, excitement, desire, wonder
I don't feel like I understand this world
Nothing makes sense
Everywhere I look, it is bullshit, lies, theft beuracracy
What happened to the days when humans were humans? What happened to respect? Dignity? Integrity? What happened....
I feel sick, I feel like everything is spinning, almost feel as though the earth is spinning and shifting around me
Even right now, I feel.... dizzy.....
Light headed........ what is it to exist
What does it mean to live... humans have given themselves purpose... and it is a never ending cycle of unhappiness.....
God, I feel like I am stranded on the wrong planet or something! Everything seems so backwards and.... illogical... where does any of this seem right.....
I......




Ugh.... thre up..... I'm done for the night....
Sorry.... I .... kidna lost my mind...... sorry guys.......