Hello!

Not much to report this month. I've finished a pretty intensive semester, which means I have the month off for writing. You can expect a new character from me in the coming weeks!

...And that's it:
- yoshielder

Hello!

(This post turned out... really long, so Tl;dr: Sorry about the absence, super duper busy, new maid TF ends for Monline, new expansion/hyper story, new discovery of text formatting)

I'm... really sorry about missing last month's update: truth is, these past two months have been... really busy. Mostly good busy! But busy. Lots of projects, two of which I can show here! Hopefully that'll make up for me disappearing for the past month... maybe.

The first thing was something I'd been working on for a while, especially last month. I've been fortunate enough to help with Monline, a great TF game by Revilo with loads of bad end content. You might remember my last contribution, involving rat TF (with a human kink, cuz I have to be extra); this time, I wrote four bad ends! They're all maid-related, with each being a specific "trope" of maid.

While I heavily encourage y'all to play through from the beginning, this game has hours and hours of content, so in case you're only interested in my endings (for some reason), here is a save a little before the maid content, so you have context for the endings. Again, if this is your first time playing, please consider starting from the beginning, since there's loads of fun TFs. And while I'm giving you options and advising against using them, if you're really stuck on how to see endings (whether mine, Revilo's, or the other amazing writer Eman230's) you can look at the Monline Wiki. Last resort, though!!

The second thing is a bit off-brand for me, but it's still something I'm proud of! It's a commission that's more expansion than transformation (with some hints of hyper), and minimal mental changes, so I've been unsure about posting it on this account: I kinda like this place having a transformation and identity death theme! That said, I do want y'all to see it, because I'm still really happy with how it turned out, and super honoured to have worked on it, so if massive alien TnA is up your alley, please give Estrobloat some love, along with TotallyAMetroCop, who was ever so patient with my sluggish pace and neurotic worries. Thank you!

Phew! That's a lot... and there's been so much more going on. Classes, work, building... busy busy busy. I'm hoping by December things will calm down a bit, and I can get back to the other things I've had to drop these past months (sorry, Fungeon!!). And as always, thank you so so much for your continued patience.

Seeya next month!^{[citation needed]}
- yoshielder

It seems like a long time since I've come out with a new character... and technically, it has, even though I've technically only written it in a month. My last character, Dr. Pembridge, was finished when I posted Stanley Simms; see last month's recap for why. In the two months after that, a whole string of viruses swept my house, with two separate Covid scares, which meant my writing was sparse and, as I'd later find out, terrible. Then classes started, which took up all of my time, and when August came, I didn't like any of what I'd written for this character, so I all but started over. So... when I had time to write, I wrote it in just a month. I'm gonna choose to view that as progress, instead of viewing it as incorrect.

But why did I throw out a dozen stages? Well... my original prompt's introduction was that of a paranormal investigator, which moved into “paranormal skeptic”... and then curdled into a general “skeptic”. And that mutated into a specific kind of Youtube '''skeptic'''. I'd written a few stages with this mindset, but after my university semester, I... kinda threw that idea out and softened him to a more general “angry Youtuber”. A few reasons for it: one, the writing was bad. More importantly, I don't think the writing was fun. I don't think he was fun. Not that every character needs to be barrels of 'fun' or have perfect morals-- mean or evil characters can be a lot of fun!-- but this character was mean in a not fun way. I think back to Malcom Montalvo: terrible person, way worse than Todd... but I personally feel he was fun to read. This character was not, so I changed him into a more comical character, going so far as to even change his name to less evoke the archetype I had. Nobody wants to read about real world misfortunes in their fun transformation stories (something these journals need to learn, seriously); we're all here for the transformations!

And this one sure is unique, eh? When I first got the prompt, it was something I was really interested in, but unsure if I could pull it off. And that's the sign of a good prompt. I'm still a little concerned about how I handled it-- both the mechanics and the subject matter-- but I am proud of what I came up with. First, the mechanics. It was really hard to come up with how to kill a character without... y'know, killing them. On air, in front of a live studio audience. I didn't wanna gradually transform the character into a ghost; that felt too gross, and conjures up some reeeeeal bad memories in me. But if I made the body and soul separate, there'd still be the problem of the soul describing her former body in the character status.

I decided to do a more... soft-killing? Jesus, that's gonna put me on a list. But I don't think Meghan teck-nick-allee dies: her soul just gets pushed out of her body, and it's the soul that experiences identity... well, death. That's one reason I wasn't too nervous of getting overly dark with the subject matter: there has been an argument (an often heated argument...) that I'm killing my characters regardless. It's the viewpoint Todd has at the beginning, and it's the reason why Meghan remembers her past life: the identity death comes after the literal death. But it's also why I've shifted to the term “identity play”, even though I prefer the other term, just to make my stories less sad and more fun. Cuz that's all these characters and stories are, and I hope this one is, too!

...Though I was a little nervous I screwed that up. Let's talk about themes.
I typically like working with archetype extremes, usually going from one extreme to the other. Sometimes that flipflop occurs midway through the character, and the “true” end meets somewhere in the middle. My last comm with the wonderful OccamsSword was like that, and so is this one! Todd goes from being cynical about the past, to being too celebratory about the past, to just appreciating the past while looking towards the present. The hitch is, the last viewpoint literally cannot escape her past. And yet, she's the one to move on, and accept her new "life". And...

...It's hard to ignore the other themes in that; at least, it's hard for me to. I mean, one could read this as a story about death, not just becoming a ghost, but suffering through tragedy, “living” through it, and moving on from the trauma. To go back to fifty paragraphs ago, that isn't very fun, and these characters should be fun. I hope that theme's not as prevalent in the actual story as I'm making it out to be, but... that was totally my mindset writing it. The unseen descriptors for the $SOUL$ section use words like “ennui” and “crisis”. The outline for my character was literally labelled after the stages of grief. And to complete this horrible traumadumpy tangent, I started writing it during a string of really triggering events, which turned out so meanspirited that I rewrote most of it. I'm really happy with this character, and I personally don't think I went over the line, but I think it's something I should keep a watch on. Being tmi in these silly journal entries is fair enough; I don't want it to infect my main content.

...Welp, it wouldn't be a yoshielder journal without some awkward topics. And it wouldn't be a yoshielder journal without the trivia!
- Name time! So the original name for this character was Todd Joseph (to evoke... yeah), but as I said, I changed it to be less evocative of that niche, while also making the name a bit less common, for all the poor real-world Todd Josephs out there. I am very sorry to the real-world Todd Randrups. Back then, his channel was TJ's Tirades. Randy Rants is just silly enough to feel better, imo.
- Meghan Catrina came from an... 80's name generator, I think? That doesn't sound right, because I don't know how names can be “80's”... whatever. And the rest is allllll thanks to OccamsSword!
- There's a few ghosts (hah!) of the edgier Todd in the character, including that MK Ultra line that literally made me spittake when I proofread it.
- I based ghostly life on how it appears in Beetlejuice: that is, kinda banal and boring. No “unfinished business”, no “unending grief”; just... another way of 'living'. If ghosts are real, that's how I'd like to envision them: just bored dead people, who stick around on Earth to waste time haunting people.
- I got to reference roguelikes again! Or at least, roguelike adjacent (roguelike... like??). Sherri's MUDs are Multi-User Dungeons, a precursor to MMOs, that were big in colleges in the 80's. My Dad was in a MUD, which ran a server for NetHack, which was a sequel to Hack, which was an offshoot of Rogue... that Rogue! Of the Roguelikes!!
- Here's where I lose even more of my nonexistent coolness: I asked my mom for lesser-known info about 80s fashion. She was adamant I include flavoured lip balm, which is why it's tucked away at the end!
- Music was either energetic, like prog rock or heavy metal, or theme appropriate, like Paula Abdul or... MGMT. This doesn't include the night I finished like six stages while listening to Enya, for some reason. Did you know she lives in a castle? That's both surprising and unsurprising...
- No Joji after finishing, for some reason. Instead, I put on Audioslave's "Tell Me How to Live", like it was the corny song choice played in the endcredits of this character.
- I think this is my first character with a content warning up front! Hope it was enough to warn the proper people. Though I think all my characters except Charlie Pelletier should have “CW: Bad” before it.

My question to you: is there any time period, in your life or in general, that you look back on with nostalgia? For me, it's the late 2000's, which have curdled into this weird fantasy epoch. Look up the video for Paramore's That's What You Get: that's how I remember the late 2000s. Everyone in muted colours, in cold decrepit backyards, standing around doing nothing... that's my shit right there.

*Pumps fist in the air, freezeframe as arena rock ballad plays*:
yoshielder

Hello!

I've got some great news this update: I've done a lot of writing on my latest character (over 60 stages worth!) this past month, and it should be finished very soon! I'm gonna tempt fate and say it should be done within two weeks: it's 75% done, and as always, I'm writing more and more every day. Which is good, because uploading this character will finally make me upload the six others that someone else has written. If you're interested in TTGS characters in general, stay tuned for that! And if you're just interested in my TTGS characters... I am so, so sorry. But thankfully, your drought will finally come to an end!

Seeya then,
- yoshielder

Hello!!

I know this update's late again, but this time I have a wonderful excuse. I've finished my semester! It was a hard one, and I'm still not sure I enjoyed it, but I'm proud that I got through it. More importantly for you all, it means I'm free for the rest of the month!

I'm gonna put a lot of effort into writing this month, while also maybe rethinking my writing practices. This month's gonna involve a lot of introspection, and hopefully it'll spread to my writing, too! And if not, you'll see some new characters soon enough, though not from me. I dunno how much (if any) I should reveal, but they're all really good, and I can't wait for you to see them all!

- Yoshielder

Writing this character was... rough. Not because of the character itself; I thoroughly enjoyed working on this, and I'm proud of what I've written. But... right when I was close to finishing the character, I got a sinus infection. Gross, but manageable, so long as I bounce back from it.

...Unfortunately, I might have bounced too hard. Cuz when I felt '''better''' and went back to work, I realised I wasn't actually clear from the infection, and it floored me for another few days. Which made me really nervous that I wouldn't be able to finish the comm in time. But I did! And it goes to show how much I loved writing this character when I'm bedridden with my head pounding and my main concern is how much I miss writing.

There's three main things about this character that were especially fun to write: Meret-Tuart's pregnancy, her ethnicity, and her God. Let's start with the pregnancy. This is the first time I've written about it, so I hope I didn't do too bad a job! I also hope it wasn't too brief; I tried to add some traits of the pregnancy throughout the character (slower movements, occasional cradles, etc.), but I likely missed some features that those who are into preg really like. I'll likely learn those things the more I write about it.

But something that I've written a lot about is ethnicity and race changes! I've written about Ancient Egypt before, in a published RP/'''co-written story''', but it was all kinda set dressing? This time, I did a bunch of research into Egyptology, which included names, languages, pastimes, religion, the whole thing. I leaned into the “Ancient” part of Ancient Egypt, since I'm already nervous of getting stuff wrong for stuff thousands of years ago; for culture and societies that people are living today, I don't have a chance. Even then, I hope I didn't overstep with anything; as always with my characters, I treat the topics with respect... at least, I hope!

And speaking of respect, let's talk about the final thing, which I'm certain has no risk of me overstepping: religion! I kid, but I was a little more confident in taking some liberties with this than the other parts of Ancient Egypt, since I'm pretty sure Ancient Egyptian religion is no longer practised, at least in its original form. My client was the one to bring up Tawaret (as always, coming through with the best details!), and it gave me some great details, and not only for the physical traits. Tawaret being a hippo-faced woman signifies motherly devotion... but also fearsome power. Because hippos are terrifying. I added this in the form of a, pardon the term, weight to Meret-Tuart's affectations. She's flirty, and calm, and a little coquettish... but she's also powerful. Momentous. It's that contrast, between peace and power, that I heavily included in Meret-Tuart's character; just like the hippo, and just like a mother!

I also added perhaps a bit too much existentialism near the end. But you can't raise up literal Gods on a silly gameshow without somebody asking some tough questions. Conversely, you can't watch literal Gods appearing every few weeks on your silly gameshow before you decide it doesn't really matter, for the sake of your own mindset. Which is what our darling host decides... of course, when their own mindset isn't on the table. Hopefully their little speech about “riding it out” doesn't conflict with them possibly going mad because they aren't riding it out; see Stanley Simms for that side of the coin!

Trivia time!:
- ...But name time first, as usual. It's pretty much literary law for me to make the names of characters have hidden meaning. That said, my client came up with William Pembridge, and I think it's pretty damn good! Pembridge is close enough to Cambridge, and it has great alliteration with Professor Pembridge.
- Meret-tuart is my own creation, and it was the first of many times I had to learn about Ancient Egyptian customs. The prefix “Meret” means “beloved by”, but it was tricky figuring out the second half. I didn't want her to be literally named Tawaret, and while there's a bunch of alternate spellings for the goddess... most of them sound too much like “tart” or “twat”. Hopefully Tuart is good enough!
- Similarly, I feel it's literary law for mentioned flowers to obey the rules of Flower Language, a silly trend in Early-modern Europe that gave loads of flowers symbolism (that's why Buck Bicorn's TF is named Nymphaeaceae, aka the water lily!). The jasmine William smells from his former blazer can mean beauty, sensuality, or “feminine power”. And it's a flower that grows in Egypt! (along with water lilies, coincidentally...)
- The cone on Meret-Tuart's head is a perfume cone, an Egyptian accessory that was only confirmed to be a real thing three years ago! History's wild, man...
- Speaking of, its birch smell is from myrrh, the likely ingredient in perfume cones. And back to the plant symbolism, birch symbolizes “new beginnings”, which makes sense for someone continuously pregnant...
- The giant Sa that appears in the story was made with this code: <span style="font-size:80px"><tt><orange><span class="Sa"></span></tt></orange></span>. I only show it to possibly mess with any coder friends here; I'm blissfully unaware of if this is an offensively garbled mess... but you might not be :P
- Speaking of code, I don't know if I've talked about this, but TTGS automatically changes pronouns for the character when they hit a certain stage that you specify. This means that you have to use the same pronouns throughout, even during a genderchanging TF, and it gets harder to remember the more feminine/masculine the character becomes; I always end up missing an '''incorrect''' pronoun. Moral of the story? Misgendering is gross and hard to do, I wouldn't recommend it. 1/10.
- Did you know that before the Egyptians, the people that ruled over Egypt were called the Kingdom of Kush? ...I'm too much of a square to make a clever joke about it, so insert your stoner joke here!
- I read conflicting things about hippos' feet, and whether or not they had hooves, but they do not have hooves. They have feet, with toes. Those toenails are #notmyhooves. Do better.
- And as for my usual music choices? ...I couldn't tell you. This character's been in the making for so long, with such a big break in the middle, that I can't think if there was any themes. Sorry!

My question: What place would you like to visit when the world finishes reopening? I'd love to revisit Malta, and wouldn't mind seeing Liechtenstein, so long as it isn't too cold!

أراكَ لاحقاً
- yoshielder

Hello!

A... lot has changed for me in the past month. Nothing great short-term (been one crisis after another, lol), and yet everything great long-term (good progess made towards life and stuff, slightly-serious-lol). And I know I'll tmi it up again, so tl;dr in advance: I'm okay, university's scary, new TT character out, next TT character uncertain. Working on silly projects, in a much better headspace.

...Leave it to me to tmi a tl;dr. Whatever, let's start with the recap.

University has been... a lot. Not only the newish experience of it, but the courses itself. And, of course, some flus along the way, to really get my trauma senses going. Class started in May, and I'm only now starting to enjoy it. A break from essays probably helps with that. But through it all, I was... panicked af, but never debilitated. And I've got some decent marks back, too. I'm gonna count that as progress!

But this isn't what you wanna see. Hell, it isn't what I wanna see. You wanna see my cool writing!

Well... there isn't any. I haven't been able to write anything for my newest character. Which is why you now have a new character. That I've written.

So... context. Last year, when I took that six month panic-break, I didn't just write one character: I wrote two. And every character since, I've kept things one behind, in a backlog. It's something I bet 95% of artists and authors do, but... I'll be honest, it made me feel super cool. I put waaaay too much thought into hiding it, from writing Extended Thoughts ahead of time, to altering them based on what I'd referenced in the Monthly Update, to even super unnecessary things like describing things that are true for both the current and backlogged character. I'd be writing my description for my "new character!", and then wring my hands together with mischievous glee, knowing it was NOT my new character after all! It was a trick!! And when my commissioners would question why they've been bumped up a spot on the waitlist, I'd reveal my evil scheme, and then they'd be in on the nefarious plot!!!

...Okay, yeah, I clearly enjoyed hiding it way too much. You gotta take whatever joy you can, I guess. But I started it for two reasons. The first was for a future Patreon plan which I am very glad I didn't finalize, as there's been too much space between my characters even for the "pay per character" plan. It was mostly gonna be another sort of blog anyway, so I could bore and traumadump on you on another platform lmao #justselfloathingthings. But the second reason was what came true in the end: I wanted to hold onto a character, just in case something like last year happened again, so I'd be able to give you something. And it has happened again... but for only positive reasons this time.

I feel I keep thanking you all and apologizing with every update, and talk is cheap. So I've posted my latest character and revealed my secret to all of you, though you obviously deserve so much more for sticking around. Eventually I'll find a way to stop feeling shame for not giving you my "best" (aka: a purposefully impossible expectation; OCD's fuuuuuun), but this'll be good enough in the meantime.

And since you've tolerated this update so far, I'll let you in on even more secrets! While I haven't had any time to write characters, and barely any time to write for myself, what little time I do have has been on some fun projects! One is more endings for Monline, that TF game I showed off last Christmas. There's a lot to show there, and I'm looking forward to when it's ready! Another thing is... a passion project I've had on my mind for years, and been slowly picking away at for the past year. Nowhere near finished, but there's a fair amount in there! I won't give details just yet, but like all passion projects, it's something I'm quite proud of, it'll take a long time to finish, and it's very bad. I'll keep you all updated once it truly takes shape!

Final thoughts (they said to uproarious applause): here are my plans for writing moving forward. I'm only just starting to work on comms again, and I think I'm gonna do some reshuffling. Not on the comms, but on my schedule. Thinking of these comms as a job was good for keeping the routine, but I think I now need to resume thinking of them as the fun projects that they are. Because writing TT characters is fun, and I won't let a self-inflicted work culture ruin that, especially while I'm a full-time student. These things need to be fun, and not give me any unnecessary stress. I think that'll lower my unreasonable expectations, too: they alone won't make anything happen. If you're still sticking around, then... thank you, truly. Let's keep having fun here, eh?

Seeya next month, at the latest,
- yoshielder

Hello!

I've got some good news and some... good news with an asterisk. Tl;dr: I'm doing much better, but will sadly have to slow down my writing for a few months. Let's start with the good news (as opposed to the good news):

Things have finally calmed down at home. I won't go too much into the details, but I'll just say it was a health scare made terrifying by previous health scares. It pretty much destroyed all of my motivation to write, even for myself. But now that's all behind me, and I can get back to writing... right? Well... here's the good news*.

I'm back in University again! It's the first time I've been there in... at least four years, due to aforementioned health scares, as well as The health scare. And it's... scary. I feel like I've said that word fifty thousand times in this journal, but this is the... good kind of scary? It's an improvement in my life that, if/as I stick with it, will be nothing but good for me. But it's gonna be hard, and most pressingly, take up a lot of time.

So yeah, my already glacial writing pace is going to be even slower this summer. I'm try to write when I have time, but... I don't know how much time I'll have. And something tells me my university won't accept "busy writing fetish stories" as a reason for absence. I'm still gonna be writing, but most of it will be focused on Dickens instead of a dickin' (thank you, I'll be here all week).

I keep comparing this to the last time I formally put commissions on hold, when it was for not good news. Not only is this time for positive reasons, but it's also for... typical reasons?? Having to put things on hold to focus on University is a type of "normal" thing that... hasn't been in my life for a long time. Even though it's a little sad, I'm gonna try to focus on the positives here.

And once more, I need to thank you all. You have been so, so patient with me, not just with all the absences, but with my obsession with TTGS characters. I feel bad that I often reward such patience with even more absences, but... I also hope you understand that University will take up a lot of time and energy. And to the... Jesus, six commissions I have lined up, I'm sorry that you have to wait even longer. Sadly, this is something that can't be helped.

That said... This isn't gonna be like the last break, where I didn't write at all. No, this is a situation where I want to write, have the energy to write... but need to focus on other things. I'm still gonna try my best to balance both writing and University. Who knows, maybe my writing pace won't be altered at all, and we'll all feel silly about this journal. But if I'm not able to work on stories, I don't want people to worry about where I am (well, you can still worry about me being bored by a Brontë). I'll see where I stand in June; I won't go into the details, but one way or another, you will get a character from me in the summer...

I think that's it. Hope you all have a good few months!
- yoshielder

Hey y'all,

Yeah, I'm sending this update... six days early, at the time of writing. Perhaps this'll balance out the several times I sent it late :P Unfortunately, I'm actually sending it because of some... situations in my life that'll take the next few weeks to address. I'm safe, and will eventually be fine, but... I really doubt I'm gonna have time to do anything productive, even writing. So this update is almost more for me than anyone else: as a sort of permission to take a bit of a break. As always, thank you all for your patience and support!

- yoshielder

Hey y'all,

I'd open with some April Fool's prank, but I'm a bit too under the weather to put the effort in, lol. But in spite of gross fainting spells, I've got a lot of fun things to look forward to! I'm currently working on one hefty character, and have loads more in the waitlist, both characters and stories! Also, Elden Ring is fun. So I'm gonna focus on those, and not... what's going on currently :P Sorry for the short update, but I'll make it up to you with some long commissions~!

- yoshielder

Alright, uhh... wow, this one came out pretty long. The character, these extended thoughts, the time writing (damn sinus infections), and even uploading it. Concise thoughts first: I loved writing this character, but that shouldn't be surprising, since it belongs to OccamsSword. It's also very long; it might be longer than some of my 100 stage characters! I'll talk about the feminization first, and then everything after the big reality change.

A big source I took inspiration from, particularly for the confidence-gaining early stages, is one of the first characters to ever be written for the TT Gameshow, Richard Carlisle. He's likely my favourite character in the game, and hits so many of my interests that I once tweeted it was written by me from the future... which I'm gonna blame on mania, but maybe Twitter just brought out the stupid in me. That character doesn't have any stages for the mind, and yet it somehow has some of the greatest mental changes in the whole game. In the same tweetthread that I claimed I might have written it and every single piece of erotica ever, I also gave a slightly less bonkers take that I might owe my entire TF writing career to this one character... and that's definitely true for the character of Stanley.

Richard Carlisle is also about an apathetic dude who transforms into a sporty woman, whose confidence distracts them from their feminizing body. And their reactions to their changes both comment on and showcase their changing mind. There's a lot of that in the first dozen stages for Stanley, with a big emphasis on juxtaposition: for several body parts, I have the first stage be a positive change that Stanley takes negatively, and a stage later on of a negative change that Stanley spins to be a positive one. Though sometimes this led to continuity issues, like the possibility that a change Stanley doesn't like comes right before a stage where he claims he's liked the last few changes. For those possibilities, I've written thought patterns and feelings that could go in any order, but all build up to a whole. So when the mind does get a stage, he can make reference to all the steps that brought him here. Think of it like Richard Carlisle's mental changes with training wheels... or something.

I also like the personal journey Stanley goes through, from an apathetic observer, to a “Superhero”, to a super hero. That's a heck of a lot of semantic flouting, so I'll try to explain: “Stella Stupendor” acts like a stereotypical superhero. They're cocky, overconfident, quippy, and pretty powerful, but still lacking any drive to do anything other than show off. The typical bluster of a Superman or a Captain America, with none of the introspection that gives them character and makes them superheroes. But as continued mental changes make Stanley/Stella/Kendra more meek and shy, it doesn't make her any less of a superhero; instead, she learns how to be one, and how to use her powers to actually be good, and not just do good. With her great power, comes great responsibility... I think that's from a Simpsons episode.

...Or at least, this is what I tried to do, and give things some of the subtlety that makes Richard great, but I ran into two problems: one, writing subtlety requires talent, and two, I made this character a bit too long. I knew this going in, when I went over the stage-limit for the first time, but it became an issue writing the... second third? Where Stanley, now Stella, is acting their most... flamboyant. There are three mental stages in that section, with only the first one really 'mattering' for the story: the second is to link stage sections, and the third is to tie things together for the reality change. So how do I write multiple stages for a character who already, uhh... mentally peaked, a dozen stages ago? The answer was to make them a parody. I hadn't seen any episodes of The Tick before writing this, but I skimmed one episode and... yeah, Stella's pretty much just the Tick.

I hope I'm not coming off as regretful or anything, because I really like what I've written! I was just... nervous that it wasn't what was in the outline, enough that I had to check in just in case I was going too far. Then again, I also made that section unique with all the heavy amnesia. “Stella Stupendor” is kinda a mess, as two-dimensional as a throwaway comic character... and then the reality changes come in and give her some much-needed depth.

And how about that reality change, eh? I've always liked reality change, so it's weird that I haven't written any (at least, I don't think so...). Putting it in TTGS, however, meant I'd have to deal with both the continuity of the OC, as well as the continuity of the show itself. I obviously couldn't have the whole world irrevocably changed, and I also couldn't alter the details I and others have put in other characters (same reason why I can't have a player character reference an opponent character; the two could be played against each other). So I kept track of the constants in all TTGS characters: the stage, the two players, the audience, and the host.

The first three could either be glossed over or slightly changed: even with the TF of the audience, I don't think there should be any inconsistencies. The host, meanwhile... would be tricky. They couldn't get transformed at all (I've learned my lesson from Buster Matthews...), and even their pronouns had to be strictly they/them, because of a scene with the opponent character Fay McKay. But that means, if Stanley loses, the host will be trapped in an alien world, the only one human and aware of all the transformations. I didn't want things to end too dark, so I had no idea how to end their character... and it was then, maybe 12 stages left to write, that I came up with a villain arc.

That way, the host/The Host's fate could be a little dark, for their villain backstory! I don't know what their superpowers would be (charisma, maybe?), but an '''alien''' TV show host desperate for the world to 'return' to their Earth, with a seething hatred for Kendra for taking them here... That's a great villain that I can't really take credit for; it just arose through the story itself. I hope their arc, and the reality change itself, isn't over or underexplained.

I'll mercifully end these very Extended Thoughts with this: I think this character, more than any I've written, feels constrained to the format of TTGS characters in a literal sense. There are some stages that are too short, and some so long that they crashed my writing engine on multiple occasions. I had to constantly alter stage connections so there were no inconsistencies, and I'm still sure some things don't make sense. Writing 'regular stories' is gonna be scary... but they're likely gonna be a bit freeing, too. You'll see one of those a few characters from now~!

Trivia's up next, as if this journal needed to be any longer:
Name time! Kendra Harrison is an OC, so I didn't name them, but I did name Stanley Simms! I chose Stanley for the obvious “Stan Lee”, Simms for “simulacrum”, which is what the world becomes during the game, and its overall structure to pay tribute to the many superheroes with alliterative names. Helps you remember them!
I'm a big fan of Infinity Saga MCU (and it really hurts that I have to specify the saga now...), and my fave superhero of the bunch is Cap. Not only did I take a bit of inspiration on Kendra 'learning to be a superhero' from his MCU arc, I also sneaked in two pretty blunt references. Can you find them? ...Almost certainly.
I wasn't able to sneak in a reference to “America's ass”, though... :(
Hopefully the sexchange stages don't come off wordy or lofty... okay, they obviously do because I wrote it, but hopefully they aren't too wordy or lofty.
I am 100% certain that I'm not the first person to come up with “The Heel Heel” as a foot-related supervillain.
My music choices were frenetic for the first half (lot of Bad Brains and MCR), but got moodier the more stages I finished (Disturbed and Tool), until I was listening to John Carpenter and mellow post-rock and metal.
I decided with this character that I was finally gonna make my smelly cis-male ass learn about bra sizes, and... honestly, I think I know even less about bras now. My deepest respects go to all of my boobed readers for understanding them, and WOW, that sounded a lot less pervy in my head.
Somewhat related, I had some trouble figuring out if Kendra's a B or C cup, hence her own slight uncertainty about it. I do like how Stella wants them to be bigger, and Kendra wants them smaller!
As a spineless syrup-chugging Canadian, I had to ask some of my friends next-door about their American equivalent to “eh?”. One offered “yeah?”; hopefully that works.
Speaking of Canada, it took me like six attempts to get the accent in Mystère right, despite using my fancy-schmancy bilingual keyboard...

My question: Are you into comics? Despite being a fan of of the MCU, the only comics I've read are old Asterix collections...

Write a witty finishing line? No... no, I don't think I will:
yoshielder

Hey y'all.

I come to you this update with... a sorta similar situation I was in a few months ago. I was working through my comm at a good speed, enough that I thought I'd have it done by the end of February... and then several bad things happened at once, and I've barely made any progress since. Thankfully, I've been able to reframe things enough to not feel too bad about it, which is good, because the sinus headache's already got the bad feeling covered :P

That said, I am really close to finishing this character! Barring another flu/several other projects/RL drama (it's been a weird two weeks), you can expect the next character to come out in March. And since normally I've been hesitant to give hard deadlines, I hope the fact that I'm giving one now shows how little work is left now (that, or it's caffeinated hubris). This character deals with stuff I've never worked on before, so I can't wait for you to see it; actually, the next two or three comms feature stuff I've never written about before!

Until then,
- yoshielder

Hello!

Not much is new this update, unfortunately, but they can't all be bombshells. My latest character is going slow, but steady, as is the case with these things: slow at the start, quick at the end. I'd say I'm... a quarter of the way through writing it? I wanna say that you can expect to see it in a month and a half, but I also wanna say that I'll never have to sleep or shower ever again, and both have around the same chances of happening.

That's kinda it, really. Not much else is going on in my life, aside from a crippling relapse into Binding of Isaac. I suppose sometimes it's nice to have nothing going on, though!

Good bye!:
- yoshielder

Hello, and (belated) happy new year!

Yeah... I'm a few days late on this update. Sorry. I really wanted this update to be a sort of "year in review" kinda thing, but the past few days have made it hard for me to write any kind of update, let alone one that'd recap that year. But if I wait until I'm '''better''' enough for a huge recap, I'll never get this update out for y'all, so let's just keep this one simple, eh? Perhaps I can do a year-end recap in another update.

As for my progress on things atm, things are going well! I've started my next commission (this one's gonna be reeeeeal fun~), and have even accepted a non-TTGS commission without dying of terror! No promises on if I'll die while writing it (or worse, if it'll be any good at all), but this is a good and necessary step... or so I keep telling myself to avoid aforementioned death by scariness. In all seriousness, I'm glad to have this opportunity, honoured that people would want this from me, and grateful that you're all so patient with me as I work stuff out.

...Jeez, I only have two writing modes for these journals, don't I: quippy self-hatred, and tmi sincerity. At least I haven't brought in my third writing mode: annoyingly ace. ...Forgive my rambling; it's currently 4:36AM. I should let you sleep.

G'Night!
- yoshielder

A happy holidays to you all!

At the start of the month, I teased a a collab that was in the works, one that I was very excited to announce. Well, it's finally released, and it's a big one: I've written an ending for the RPGMaker game Monline!
Monline is a game with a huge amount of transformations and bad ends; there's over 200 different TFs and endings, and not a one is underwritten. I've been lucky enough to work on the game's wiki for the past few years, and this month I was able to write an ending of my own! It features anthro rat TFTG, my usual identity play/death, and some wacky workarounds for a very sexual idea that somehow involves little sex... just in case it wasn't obvious who wrote this ending. I hope you all enjoy it!

...However, in a game that has literal hours of content, it feels disingenuous to recommend some writing that's at the end of what could be five hours of playtime. That's where my gift to you comes in! Not only have I provided the link to download Monline, but I've also provided a save file that will take you right to my ending. I'd highly suggest you play through the game instead, since it's all really good, but for those who just wanna see some filthy rat action, you can download the save below, put it in the folder with Monline, and then purposefully lose the battle, whether through defeat or through using the Submit technique. I'd provide just the raw text for you all, but I wrote it in a somewhat stilted format, and then you wouldn't be able to see all the wonderfully lewd images and animations the main developer Revilo has added! Though feel free to ignore this if it's too much work just to see a single vignette: after all, there's no pressure to use or enjoy a Christmas gift!

Here's the link to the game: https://www.tfgames.site/index.php?module=viewgame&id=303
And here's a link to the shortcut savefile: https://www.mediafire.com/file/c13d.....7.rvdata2/file

I wish you all a happy holidays, and a happy new year!
- yoshielder

Let's talk about the elephant in the room (no, not that one, that was last journal): this is a Dungeons and Dragons based character, so that must mean I've done more than a few campaigns myself, right? Maybe even hosted a few? How many campaigns have I been a part of?

And the answer is... none. I've never played DnD. I didn't know anything about DnD before this character. The closest I've come to DnD is being invited to a possible session and then never hearing from it again.

I'm... going to focus not on my ineptitude here, but on the trust of my client. Despite knowing that I didn't know anything about DnD, they still had faith that I could do their character justice, even when I didn't have faith in myself, which is quite the honour. And I think it paid off! Because while I didn't come away from this character as a killer dungeon master, I do feel quite pleased with how this character turned out, and the inspirations and takeaways I did gather.

For instance, a big inspiration for this character didn't actually come from DnD: it came from a previous character of mine, Charlie Pelletier/Nakhta Renaud. I think this is my favourite character, and possibly my best, and I really enjoyed writing such a narcissistic character. Malypsis is no narcissist, but she does has a pretty massive ego, and I wanted to distance it from Nakhta's megalomaniac neurotic ego. Malypsis is a hero, not a villain! So why is she so flamboyant and showoffy?

My initial answer touched on tiefling discrimination, using the flamboyance as a defense mechanism, but I ended up scrapping that in favour of a less unfortunate fate, as well as a more entertaining one (I swear, me and my obsession with invoking too real stuff in my niche stories...). Turns out just being called 'the hot one' might not be best for your self-esteem; better to be hot and talented! So that's why Malypsis acts all high and mighty: because she feels she has the skills to pull it off. I also got some great advice from pkhtjim and Ebikio (yeah, we're kinda friends, no big deal, just me being super cool and famous and very humble) that gave me a good angle for Malypsis: as the 'goofy side-character' wanting to be the star. And in this character, she is!

And now for your usual dose of boring trivia:
- Name time first, though it sadly isn't much this time around: Matt is from my client, and Malypsis is from a tiefling name generator. Womp womp. Though her keeping her last name was good for showing that she still had most of her memories, so there's that.
- The three members of Malypsis' party are all related to other characters/stories I've had, and each one from a different source. From most obvious to least, “The Heft” is a pretty blatant reference to Dexter Feiselberg, the 'goat necromancer' is a reference to a commission I got from Ebikyo which you all need to read right this second now now now it's sooooooo good, and the addict rat is... a lot. You see, I have been in a campaign before, but not a DnD one, and I played a ratfolk with a drug addiction. The session fell apart pretty quickly, and... I'm 99.9% sure that it's my fault, overplaying my character and making everyone else uncomfortable. If there's somehow anyone reading this who was a part of that campaign, I just wanted to say I'm very, very sorry for being... well, that player.
- I'm almost positive that I've used the exact same Undertale reference before in a story, and it's only 'almost' because I had to check all of my characters to see if I had. I couldn't find anything, but... it's somewhere, I'm sure.
- A lot of my '''research''' into tieflings was just reading off of a wiki article and/or peppering spell names into the character. DnD lore is deeeeep...
- While I still wish I knew more about DnD, I am very proud of that “What the Phlegethial fuck” line. That thankfully survived a rewrite, not that it was in any danger of getting scrapped.
- So here's something that's come out of nowhere: I've gained this outright obsession with hooves. I suppose it's not too out of nowhere (remember nine-pocket-ice-horse-boots?), but it must be pretty damn noticeable, since my client was willing for Malypsis to have them, for my sake. Thankfully, I was very mature and declined, because that's not what my client really wanted. Truly, I am as humble and mature as our Malypsis.
- My music choices for this character were... I guess extremes? I either listened to brutally heavy stuff, like the latest Frontierer album (which slaps) to menial pop songs, like that Olivia Rodrigo album (which somehow, slaps almost as hard). And my usual Joji for the final few stages, of course.
- ...You still here? Good, that means I'll let you in on a little secret. Most of the opening descriptions for Matt Grier are copied directly from my client's last character. Even the introduction, which is unique to this character, has the same structure as the last character. This isn't (wholly) from laziness; my client wanted a very similar starting character to the last one, so I borrowed the same descriptions of his physical features, kinda making Matt a new starting character in name only... and even then, I would've used the same name if I could. Which character am I talking about? I'll never tell~ :P xDDddD #justlmaothings

My question: what have been some of your favourite DnD experiences? And if you haven't played, what's your favourite fantasy moment?

/roll 1d20 for conclusion: 20
- yoshielder

Hello, all!

Not too much to talk about this month, but I still wanna keep this update thing going, so... here's an update, thing. That's going. I've been making good progress on my current comm (55 stages to go!), but I'm not 100% sure I wanna promise that it'll be done by the end of the year. Trying to keep the deadlines reeeeeeal low for now. But what could be released by the end of the year is a super cool collab I have lined up! It won't be published here, but when it comes out, I'll let you all know. I'm really excited to work on it!

And that's it! Seeya either next month, or sooner,
- yoshielder

Howdy folks, it's been a min (This content has been removed for breach of copyright)

I come to you this month with a lot less internal drama than the last. No unrealistic expectations about finishing characters this time around, not when I've only started writing it last week. But things are going well with it. I'm happy with my outline, and am looking forward to getting into some of the interesting parts. I can genuinely say this character has stuff I've never written about before! I'll say... maybe expect it before 2022.

But what will that leave me to talk about for this monthly update? What overly personal, tmi topics can I wring out this time around? And will I ever break out of the habit of negative self-talk disguised as snark?

I dunno the answer to the last question, but I do know the answer for the first two: let's talk about normally formatted stories, and why I've been too much of a coward to post them. ...Actually, that kinda answers the third question too, eh?

By “normally formatted stories”, I mean stories that aren't TT characters; I don't know how else to describe them, but I'm talking about the stories that don't involve booting up Transformania Time, such as the RP transcripts that I'm gonna charitably call cowritten, along with the three stories I've solely written. I'd love to get into those again, but I'm also terrified of doing so. And to try to explain why, let's talk about how I got here.

I've been... very lucky to get where I am. I got commissioned for TT characters by people relatively early in my writing career, and one of the first people I RPed with turned out to be an incredible writer. It's amazing how things have turned out for me, and I'm continually grateful for all of it... but as with everything in life, there are a few downsides, albeit absurdly slight. Most of my writing has been either Transformania Time characters, or cowritten stories, not individually made pieces. It took me two years to write a plain ol' story on my own, Mutton Marriage, and of the 54(!!!) pieces I've posted here, only three are non-TT, non-cowritten stories: a trade, an entry for a contest, and a story that I, no joke, wrote in a single night during a manic fever dream. I only bring that part up because it still makes me chuckle when I think about it, especially the whole “I'm gonna write a TF story for every single Pokemon YEAHHHHHHH!!!11” bit: emotional catharsis is a hell of a drug. So are actual prescription drugs.

...What was I talking about again? Oh right, stories. So everything I've posted here has either been in TT format, or based off of other factors, whether they be a partner, a contest, or me losing my fuckin' mind. And... I like it, both writing TT characters and bouncing ideas off of others. I'm very comfortable with how TT characters function, and with every character, there's always a very strict pattern and format. No worries around whether a story will end up too short or too long: each story is exactly as long as I planned it to be from the moment I outlined it. It also solves any issue with pacing; I can write each section with the mindset of, “this is the part where his waist transforms, this is the part where his shoes transform, etc”. That goes for cowritten stories too, as all I need to do is focus on my own response, building off of my partner's.

That said... I'm well aware that the format of Transformania Time characters is, to put it lightly, convoluted. You gotta play a weird minigame or type in a cheat code to read the next part of the story, and each part is so segmented that they can literally occur in varied order. These are not user-friendly stories, and if you decide to read my work, you've already done more than enough in my eyes; I don't want you to also have to play a game of Pong. There's absolutely no chance in my mind that I'd ever stop writing TT characters, but... I would also like to write other stories too.

It'll just be hard. Very hard. And I think/hope it's because of lack of experience. If the situation was reversed, and TT characters were the accepted norm for prose (the Epic of Gilgamesh is long enough without the round of roulette after every line...), I would hope that I'd have the same nervousness changing my story format, and would also give a bunch of seemingly correct reasons/excuses for how hard it will be. The only way for it to get easier is for me to start doing it. I don't need to start with 10000 word behemoths, I don't need to start cranking out a story a week... but I need to start.

I think it helps that I know I can do it. Those three stories I've wrote entirely by myself? I'm still very proud of each of them. Mutton Marriage is great for my '''first''' story, Belongs in a Museum is fun if only because of the circumstances surrounding it, and Bree Day is... honestly one of the best things I've ever written, transformation-based or otherwise. I'm perhaps a little too proud of that one, tbh. So I know I can do it. I just... well, I just gotta do it.

I also need to make peace with the other reasons writing '''normal''' stories will be hard. Truth is, I did try to get into writing non-TT stories before, and it just so happened to coincide with some incredibly complicated and traumatic real life shenanigans. I had to drop out of a lot of commissions, and have handled them with... varying degrees of tact, but never very tactfully. But I've made it this far in the update without gross sorta traumadumping trite, so I ain't gonna start now. I only bring it up to say that I'm gonna have to be kind to myself regarding it all. I'll have to give myself the same patience that you all have so wonderfully given to me.

As stated, I've been incredibly lucky through all this, and part of that has been me having a large queue of TT commissions for a long time, always giving me something to do for two very rough, very complicated years. When things do calm down, and I'm left without something to work on, I'm going to start writing some non-TT stories, alongside the TT characters. Small at first, probably little vignettes like that Pokemon story. And then I'll go from there. And as always, I'll be grateful for you all sticking with me ♥

I'll make a separate blog eventually, don't worry:
- yoshielder

This is the third character from my commissioner (client?), and they've always given really detailed descriptions of the characters before and after. It makes the characters really easy to outline, and really fun to write! As soon as I read that Elspeth was gonna turn into an elephant, I got quite excited, since I haven't done one of those before.

Nor have I done an additional TF during a character! I had the host transform waaaaay back in Buster Matthews, but that was more... adjacent to the main transformation? Mina, meanwhile, is an actual character, who plays a part in the entire story, not just her transformation! It also gave me some fun role reversal: Elspeth starts off controlling and brash, and Mina starts off loose and calm, but then both turn into each others personality!

Another thing I wanted to make clear in this character is that Elspeth and Mina really do love each other. I've found that it's easy to give relationships... unnecessary drama, I suppose. My original plan was to fracture the relationship in the end, but I'm very glad I decided against it, because it gave both Elspeth and Mina some nice depth as characters. My favourite example of this is how whenever Elspeth screams out in pain and starts swearing and ranting, Mina doesn't take it seriously... but the moment Elle goes quiet, Mina knows something is very, very wrong. I also ended up finding new plot elements and themes! Like, a big question I had to ask was, “Why would someone bring their love to a place that will irrevocably change them as a person?”, and I settled for a bit of desperation and an overall love of the game. So when Mina does truly comprehend what's going on, she fights against it. Of course, that's where the game helps '''calm her nerves'''...

Trivia time!

- My client came up with the name for Elspeth Taylor, and it's one that I really like! Edhitha and Mina were mine; if I remember correctly, Nagarvadhu was an attempt to invoke something with caste, which I'm very glad I abandoned, cuz... yeah, not equipped for that.
- But speaking of lore that didn't get implemented, I put waaaay too much thought into where Edhitha lived. I think I settled for Rajasthan (since its Thar Desert is where Indian elephants are), but then I came across the incredible labyrinth that is Indian languages and dialects. Would someone in Rajasthan primarily speak Hindi, or some variant of Rajasthani? How far west can the Hindi belt go? Should Edhitha be fluent in multiple languages? And why the fuck am I, a Canadian who's barely gone as east as Europe, trying to add Indian linguistics in a story where someone turns into a multi-armed elephant woman?? All questions that will never be answered...
- It was through researching this character that I learned that the term pachyderm isn't used in biology anymore. Please press F in the chat for the death of a word.
- I discovered two things while writing this character that has completely ruined every other character I've written. First, that stand in front of contestants isn't called a podium; it's called a lectern. They stand on a podium, maybe. Second, I realised I wrote most if not all of my characters with the assumption that they'd be played one stage at a time, so some of the stages lament the fact that there's no visible changes to the opponent, even if there were two others that round... oops.
- I may or may not have taken some inspiration for how Elspeth acts from another punk band, and that's all I'll say about that.
- A list of wikipedia rabbit holes I had to escape from include, but are not limited to: Napalm Death, continued confusion over the word petticoat, Devanagari, whether or not the Kama Sutra is #problematic, the existence of a band called The The, the Mahabharata, Dieter Rams, and getting increasingly flustered with how many different types of clothing there are. Seriously, I contemplated asking my lady friends how they can keep track of everything.

My question: What's your favourite obscure or 'deepest' artist or band? Mine might be Heir to Despair by Sigh, a truly weird album by a Japanese death metal band.

Namaste,
- yoshielder

Hello! Toldja this was gonna be a thing :P

...Though I do wish it was under better circumstances. I was very confident that I'd have my latest character done by the end of September, and I'm still confident that I could have, if it weren't for... what I'll describe as a series of unfortunate events, with more sadness and less... uhh, Jim Carrey, I dunno I never read it. There's a bunch of prattle and possibly tmi touchy-feely stuff here, so if you just want to know about my next character, it'll all be reiterated in the final paragraph.

I'm currently writing this following a somewhat failed writing session, where I assumed, perhaps a little too propitiously, that I'd be able to write 24 stages, an opening, and an epilogue, and proofread an over 90 stage character in a single night, and everyone will be so proud and give me bouquets and I'll be the CHAMPION of niche stories run on eight year old software. That obviously wasn't realistic, and so I come to you this month with no new character... again.

But I'm trying to spin this positively, because hoo boy is it easy for me to spin this the other way. So I'll say this: I just read my last update, where I wasn't talking about not getting the character finished, but instead talking about not getting much of anything finished. And I didn't have much back then... but I do now. What I said there about me "blowing past stages at the end" turned out to be true: I have hit a stride in writing this character, and have written... I'm gonna lowball it and say fifty stages last month. I now have every confidence that you will see this new character relatively soon; the problem is, I also had confidence you'd see it much sooner.

Deadlines have never been my friend: as a kid, I had to take tests and exams in a separate room with no time limit because I'd spend the hour staring at the paper and crying (again, positive vibes only in this update). So I shouldn't have self-imposed a deadline onto myself. No, that's not fair: I shouldn't have self-imposed a strict deadline on myself. Maybe this is hindsight bias or sour grapes or sweaty sock fallacy or some other term, but I still believe that I would have this character done and posted if it weren't for several very bad things happening at once, which prevented me from getting any writing done for more than a week. That sort of thing happens, and we need to adapt when it does. I should have realised that my deadline wasn't feasible under the new circumstances, but it's hard to do in the moment. That, and I have some trauma around having to miss things, but I won't get into that here; I gotta save some talking points for my therapist, lol

And on that note, sorry for dumping all this on you all: I've always strived to be transparent, but I sometimes go over the line. To everyone who just wants to know the plan going forward (which is, of course, everyone in general, myself included), you will get a new character in October. You'll probably get one a little sooner than that, but again, trying not to self-impose strict deadlines. Even if I ludicrously get zero writing done this month, you will see some content from me; I know that sounds weird, but... trust me, I have contingency plans. But that won't happen, because I anticipate that finishing this will be much easier without a strict deadline. And this character is... let's say, a heavy amount of content~

Seeya in November for our next therapy session:
- yoshielder

Hey there. So, uhhhh... how have you liked all the returning I've been doing? Not getting swamped by all the constant lack of characters, I hope?

...Okay, enough of the negative self-talk. To be honest, while I would like my writing pace to improve, I never expected that after my break I'd instantly go back to the manic sleepless writing sprees I had years ago. I traded those in for better physical and mental health, but that ain't as fun to read on FA. We're here for the fun transformations, dangit!

So I've decided to start a monthly journal series where I give y'all some updates. I think there's a lot of good that'll come from it: I can keep in touch with you all without using Twitter (speaking of improving my mental health...), you don't have to worry if I've died/left FA/comical third possibility, and I can publish stuff for you that's light and pressure-free, since it'll just be on the first of the month. Hooray!

So, about that update... while I did say that I expected things to be a little slow, I'm not wild about how slow things have been. But I'm placating myself with two things: this current comm is pretty dang long, and I always drag my feet at the beginning of these characters, and always blow past them by the end. One to two stages a day will turn to eight to ten in no time, trust me!

I think I'll end it here for now; I'm tempted to talk about when I'll be ready to write normal stories, but I gotta leave some stuff for the next updates. I hope you all have a wonderful September!

- yoshielder

This was a fun character to write! I had the good fortune to be commissioned again by OccamsSword, who was previously responsible for the Charlie Pelletier character (one of my all-time favourites!), and it was great to work with a pre-existing character again, or at least one with some lore behind it already! But there was something else different about this character: the gender change.

I... don't think I've written an FtM before Lula Nettleby. Yes, I've written characters and stories that have women gain dicks, but that's not what I'm talking about with FtM. I've also written some women to femboy transformations, but the characters in them still present as female and are also fucking horrible please don't read those. This is the first time I've written about a very girly girl, turning into a very manly man.

I used to not like FtM, usually because when it happened in roleplaying, sex usually followed. Of course, now I know why I didn't like that part of the FtM, and with sex off the table, I've... really started to like it! Gender is identity, after all, and identity play is kinda sorta my thing. You might've noticed; I bring it up almost as much as I bring up my asexuality and my horrible writing skills lmao #negativeselftalk It doesn't hurt that, as I began writing this character, a couple of really good FtM stories came out. Basically, it was the perfect time for me to get into female to male.

And here's another thing that I found really interesting about writing this character: I could relate to them more. I guess in hindsight that's incredibly obvious; I'm cis male IRL, so a story involving the final form being male is something I'm gonna have a lot more experience with. But I also like and do things that are in contrast to '''masculinity''', so I could add bits of that into the character. I personally think the true 'sea change' for Lula turning into Luther is not any scene of aggression, or any of the manly bits; it's the scene where Lula forces themselves to stop appearing so upset, and gets mad at themselves for crying. That's... a situation I've been in with 'the boys', and it was personal enough that it was... almost hard to write? I honestly was unsure if I wanted to add it, since it feels so sad. But then Lula grows fur and starts drooling and gets handcuffed to a pole in a kinky gameshow, and I've avoided having to tackle gender issues once again. Hooray!
Jeez, skirting around an issue with flippant bravado so I don't have to deal with my emotions... I really am a man, eh? Whatevs, time for trivia:

- Name time first, as usual. Since this was a pre-existing character, I didn't come up with Lula or Luther Nettleby... but I did come up with the Esquire at the end! It's a title that... doesn't really mean much nowadays, at least in the UK. But it sounds fancy!
- That said, there is a difference between a US Esquire and a UK Esquire, so I had to find out where both Nettleby's live. And OccamsSword, being awesome, provided me with not only that (UK for both), but their counties and their accents! And me, being not as awesome, barely used that information in the character itself. Whoops.
- Lula's claims at the beginning are, unsurprisingly, very wrong, though some parts are... slightly accurate? Jiang-shi do move around by jumping, and the “paper around their heads” are talismans, words of power that are similar to what golems have. Keep in mind, all of this might be wrong, too. But I'm pretty sure golems aren't nocturnal. Maybe.
- As for the monsters she references, the elf is Stella Sutherford, the tauren is Dexter Feiselberg, and the lamia is Jenny and Janny Talbot. Are Jenny and Janny actually a lamia? I don't know, and neither does Lula.
- The alp that Lula assumes she's turning into is a Monster Girl Encyclopdia monster, tomboyish succubi who used to be gay men that had crushes on their straight friends, and I am not comfortable getting into the implications of that, so I'll instead talk about the dramatic irony. Lula is right that they're “boyish looking demons”, but she conveniently forgets that their transformation includes a gender change.
- That “Slaughter of '17” rumour? Turns out that actually happened! ...In the game, I mean. I don't think it happened in real life, though I haven't watched Family Feud in ages. My first commission, Lucas Robertson, was also a ferocious werewolf and ended in a really gory way that my commissioner fortunately rejected. Unfortunately, every so often that ending sneaks its way into the online game, cuz I'm a dummy and haven't deleted the file like I really should. That means you might have played it! My sincerest apologies. So when it came time for Lula, I couldn't help but reference it, strongly implying that Lula was gonna turn into Lucas' mate.
- There was just one problem: Lucas Robertson was a player character, and Lula Nettleby is a computer character. That means that you could pit werewolf against werewolf, and then Lula would reference a transformation that shouldn't happen (yet). So I had to make it just vague enough that it didn't outwardly say who the Slaughter of '17 was about, but... c'mon. It's a violent werewolf, one that happened to be released in 2017. We're obviously talking about Lucas, unless he's the one playing. Otherwise, we'll put it on Clarke and Claire or some shit.
- This, of course, wasn't an issue for Dr. Magnum, the computer character I referred to in the whole handcuff thing.
- Hey, did you know that the feminine pronoun for his is her... and the feminine pronoun for him is also her? Did you also know that Transformania Time can't tell the difference between changing her to his and changing her to him?? So that means, if you were writing an FtM character, you'd have to look through every single pronoun and rewrite it so the game doesn't devolve into caveman speak?! ...I don't know anyone like that, but I bet they'd be VERY annoyed with that situation. Just a wild hunch.

My question: ...I can't think of one. Maybe I'll redirect you to my last question... yeah, answer that one.

Roit cheese an' choccy, innit guv?!
yoshielder

...Hey.

Been a while, huh? Nearly seven months. And there's a lot of stuff I wanna write here, so much that I really don't know where to begin, so forgive me if my first journal in half a year is a bit scattershot.
I guess I'll start at the beginning?? For those who don't know, last January I took a hiatus from this account, in order to focus on my mental and physical health. I don't want to get into the details, but it had been... very rough. And funny enough, things got really bad not even a week after I announced my break. I believe that if I hadn't taken a break then, I would have been forced to within a few days. So I guess I was lucky that I took my leave willingly, huh.

But you know what I'm even more lucky for? You guys. From the beginning of my announcement, to just last week, and all the time in between, I have had nothing but well-wishes, kindness, and understanding from you all. From all of my commissioners being patient (one who's nearly been waiting a year!), to the kind comments on my last journal, to people reaching out via DMs, to the watchers I've somehow picked up during my break, who watched and faved despite me not posting in weeks, and then months. I know not every artist and writer is able to take a break, let alone one as long as I took, without there being even a little bit of pushback. You, however, have all been so kind to me this year... and so I might as well return the favour, eh?

So since I just posted a brand new TT character, you've probably guessed that me taking a break from writing was kind of a lie. In truth, I did write a fair bit during my break, but without any of the self-imposed pressure; merely because I enjoyed it. And I still enjoy it! I think now that I've sorted some things irl, and have been steadily writing more every day, that it's time to open up this account again. That means more stories and characters from me, and it also means commissions are open again!

I also have quite a few plans for this account. Like possibly getting into more traditional stories here, or revamping the game itself, or stuff that I don't wanna reveal just yet. That's for another time, though. For now, I hope you enjoy the new TT character, and many more in the future!

My question: How's your 2021 been so far? Had to be less chaotic than last year, right?

It's good to be back,
- yoshielder

I'm sorta tempted to start this like some YouTube apology video: give a long sigh, say "I never thought I'd have to make this", and ramble about one thing and mean the other. But you can't put audio in journals, this is something I kinda knew I'd have to do at some point, and worst of all, I'm gonna mean everything I say here.

And that is, I'm taking a break from writing. Not a long break, definitely not a permanent break... but a break.

If you've been following my journals here (and especially that Big Doomer Energy twitter thread I made a few days ago), you'll know that I've been struggling with some mental issues, namely depression stemming from C-PTSD. Things have... been not fun; that's all the detail I'll give. In order to heal, I've decided to remove everything unrelated to recovery that I can remove. That, unfortunately, includes working on commissions. Y'all have already patiently waited two months for a character; I don't want you to be just twiddling your thumbs/claws, waiting for something from me that I'm not ready to provide for you. You don't deserve that, and the people on my waitlist don't, either. Therefore, I'm removing the suspense. Don't expect anything from me for a fair bit.

This wouldn't be so hard for me even a year ago, when time between commissions could be months. But I've been incredibly lucky to have so many people here that not only appreciate my writing, but want to pay to see more of it. It's something that still surprises me, and I'm so grateful for everyone who's made this silly smut-writing thing my job. I'm about to say the Cursed Words... but 2020 was great for me, at least over here. And I have all of you to thank for that.

But I'm not gonna continue harping on this now, for fear of delving into some Suffering From Success humblebrag. What's important for this journal is that this writing gig has become my job... and I need some medical leave. It sucks to do this to the people on my waitlist, but it sucks even more for me to leave them in this waiting limbo, or worse, deliver a crap story. As for when I'll be back? I... don't really want to give a deadline for recovery, but it most assuredly won't be too long. Just long enough that people would take notice if I didn't say anything. Henceforth, this journal. When I'm ready to get back to work, you'll all be informed ASAP.

...This is usually the time when I post silly trivia and ask a question, but I think I'll leave it here (shame, I was planning to ask a question mocking how I asked the same question twice in a row, nearly word for word-- look it up!). Thanks again for your continued support.

Seeya later:
- yoshielder

Hoo boy...

You know how with every Extended Thoughts, I talk about more and more serious topics instead of just telling you how I wrote the character? Well this one's a doozy... But I don't think I'll get into any of it; this ain't a middle-schooler's diary. If I wanted to write hot takes and mopey complaining, I'd return to Twitter. So instead I'm gonna talk about the positives I took away from this character.

...Which is hard, because the two takeaways are C-PTSD and cultural appropriation, but I'm still gonna try!

So I dragged my feet a lot during this commission, even moreso than the last one. Three weeks in, and I'd had ~15 stages written. Then a bunch of bad triggery stuff happened that I won't get into, and my monthly deadline that I gave myself wasn't looking too likely.

So I holed myself up in a shed with a coffee machine, and wrote. Pretty much all day. Looking back, it was a very romanticised version of The Author: locking myself in a shack in the middle of the night and chugging coffee. I'm happy that, once enough time passes, that will be the memories I take from this. Not the crunch or the missed deadlines or all the redacted stuff.

And what about that character? I tell ya, as not-fun as this month's been, writing Malcolm 'Moneybags' Montalvo was FUN. This isn't to say writing these isn't fun; I've been very lucky in that my past few characters have been fun and interesting to write, but... this really was a blast, even at my worst. I think it's two things: the story, and the subject matter. On the story, I love a good twist, so it's weird that I didn't include one in this character. I included a few subpar twists though, so maybe that counts. And on the subject matter... okay, we're getting into this.

I've written a lot of erotica that deal with cultural/race changes, some of which are pretty dang bad. So I wanted to put Louisiana Voodoo in a good light, while also acknowledging that this is a niche porno character that shouldn't be taken too seriously. Even so, all the research and Wikipedia articles in the world wouldn't change the fact that the furthest south I've gone is Ohio and once thought Louisiana was in the middle of the US. No, I think what it comes down to is, as I might've said before, power. All of my characters lose some of their power, on account of the whole identity death thing. But I never want to frame the loss of power occurring because of a change in race or gender or religion. It's easier with this character, since Mama Florastine is maybe one of the most powerful characters I've written (which is why I kinda had to nerf her a bit), but it applies to her whole personality, which also happens to work as a foil for the starting form. Malcolm is well-spoken, but has a limited vocabulary; there's a few instances where he just straight-up doesn't know what a word means. Florastine's words, meanwhile, even with her thick accent, are more erudite in comparison. And hey, I ended up learning a bunch of really cool things about other cultures that I might never have known about otherwise. I see that as a win, and it made this character very fun to research and write.

...Jesus fuck, I did it again. I must really like reading myself talk. And I hope you do too, cuz here comes the trivia!

- Names are first, as always. Montalvo has murky origins, and while it's now more of an Italian surname, it has roots in France, which ties well with the French Cajun stuff. Fantôme literally means ghost in French, cuz I'm not very clever. But what I do think is sort of clever is the meaning behind the initials. Malcolm goes from MtF, so his initials do too. Also, the fact that 'Flora' kept her last name should be a big red flag that the game isn't over yet.
- Speaking of the false end, I'm kinda sorta thrilled at how that turned out. The epilogues for MtF characters are in pink, so the false end had to be, too! And as my commissioner pointed out, the fact that the 'yous' are a different colour gives a bit of a hint that not everything's as it seems...
- Of course I had to use weasel words when describing a weaselly voice. It's a law of hack writing, a book which I follow and also wrote.
- Coding time! The cool font I used for the spirit was the last thing I did for this character. Thing is... the character files don't let you use semicolons, which I have been told is very dumb. Thankfully, an awesome coder friend gave me the code for it, though she had to use some trick that she seemed very distraught in using. I felt a little guilty, ngl... but it worked!
- You would not believe the mix of emotions I had when I realised I could legitimately reference the infamous 'your vagina is haunted' meme.
- I do not feel equipped to properly explain who loa or Maman Brigitte are, but... loa are Haitian spirits, and Maman Brigitte is a loa of death and fertility, representing Malcolm's 'death' and Florastine's fertility. But please please please don't take my word for it, lol
- The language the spirit/Florastine speaks in, Kuri-Vini, is an awesome language that is sadly very endangered. If you know even a smattering of French, I'm sure you'll find it super interesting; give it a look! When I saw how soir is spelled in Kuri-Vini, I swear my face looked like that meme with the neckbeard dude with his jaw agape (how do you do, fellow kids!).
- The range of music I listened to while writing this was... eclectic. From Post Malone to Squarepusher to Throbbing Gristle to Lil Nas X. 80's J-Pop albums. Distorted videogame tracks. That Flaming Lips song that's 24 hours long. Everything. I ended with Joji though, as is tradition.

My question for you is... how are you? Really? It's been a rough year, and I hope you're doing okay.

Tune in next time, where I'll probably be detailing the many victims of nuclear warfare:
- Yoshielder