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SUPER ULTRA LATE MFF Thoughts! Incoming Rant...
Posted 8 years agoIt's been several months now. Even now, I'm still trying to piece everything together. Better late than never, I suppose. I imagine this is all still going to be disorganized, but I just want to try and be honest about my experiences before I forever neglect to do so.
Midwest FurFest was pretty rad, overall. Being the first con of its kind that I managed to visit, I was naturally very uptight and nervous. I'd say a good 90-95% of my time was spent in the gaming area, mostly attempting to kill my worries away with Smash Bros. I didn't have much in the way of direction, and I figured it was best to let my friends do their own things. The last thing I wanted to do was be a bother, and I think I managed to avoid that. For the most part, anyway.
I had fun. It's always a good feeling to play my favorite games with other people, and I don't believe any ill strife was had there. But even so, despite the huge amounts of people around me... I couldn't help feeling lonely. It wasn't a foreign feeling to me, but it still got in the way of many other possible routes I could have taken. If I had any real sense of direction, that is. Alas, I didn't; and that's why I spent-- nay, wasted so much time the way I did.
The highlight of my venture was, of course, finally meeting my two longtime friends
darius-kei and 
greenery . It was INCREDIBLY overdue, but they're the reason why I sacrificed a few of my things to scrounge up the costs of attending the con. Hell, if it weren't for the former I wouldn't have had a place to stay so I forever harbor my hearttfelt gratitudes for him...
Needless to say, meeting them was a magical moment. Despite my own aimlessness, I couldn't stop blushing and grinning like the dork I am. I love those guys so much, even if I don't get to communicate as often with them like we used to well over a decade ago. In this regard, I don't regret going to MFF.
Of course, I knew that they had their own business to attend to during the con, so I didn't have much issue with letting them do as they pleased. Had I raised any objections, that would have been very inconsiderate and rude of me. I don't enjoy being like that. And yet... deep down I still felt like somewhat of an outcast throughout the event. I've always been more of a follower than a leader, and when I hang out with friends I'm usually tagging along or retreat to the background. It's something I'm always trying to work on, even if in vain. Alas, it does contribute to my mixed feelings about the whole thing. I'm not interesting nor exciting, and there aren't many aspects of the furry community that I can blend well in.
Hell if I possess any crucial social skills to make new friends, either! A good example is the moment I ran into an acquaintance from Twitter-- the bloke actually sought me out and found me in the gaming area playing Smash. He poked me, I turned around in a slight panic, but we exchanged hellos after looking at his badges and figuring out who he was. A brief awkward conversation ensued, then we said our "see you around"s. I never got to see him again after that...
It's no one's fault but my own. I just don't have the mental dexterity for this sort of thing; I'm always worried about being such a bother to people, even friends. I realize it's not a good quality to have, but it's not something I can just fix on the spot.
I also got to briefly hang out with my pals
dby106698 and 
hagaren3 , the former actually in charge of the gaming area. His presence made me feel more at ease, but I still failed to interact much with him. Regardless, also regardless of his busywork, he still went out of his way to check up on me, offering to visit Selene so I can hang out with her and her friends, AND HAVE A FRIGGIN' BITE TO EAT! My own insecurities made me neglect my own well-being... it was definitely one of my lowest points in the con.
(Also, big shoutouts to my bud
fairseas for helping me get through the last night somewhat sanely!)
I don't regret the time I spent among my friends; I love them all so much and I always count my blessings to know I have such fantastic people that consider me their friend. Still, I feel like I really cocked up and squandered several chances to broaden my horizons. It's all just so overwhelming for me, and I really don't think I'm a con-type person. I prefer the more chill and engaging experiences of just hanging out with my friends; people I can trust and be comfortable with without overworrying about the social stigma associated with conventions. It's complicated, but then again I'm a bit of a complicated guy to begin with...
I really feel that my experience at MFF could have gone so much better. Alas, my insecurity and lack of direction ultimately got in the way. That much I truly regret...
All that said, I don't think I'm going to another con in the foreseeable future. It's just... not really my thing, considering everything. It eats me up to realize that, but... such is life, I suppose.
Regardless... thanks for making my experience an unforgettable one, guys. Even if it puts me just a bit at ease, I don't regret meeting up with and spending what meager time I could with you. I just regret everything else...
Thanks for your time, fellas. Peace & love, and have a good night.
Midwest FurFest was pretty rad, overall. Being the first con of its kind that I managed to visit, I was naturally very uptight and nervous. I'd say a good 90-95% of my time was spent in the gaming area, mostly attempting to kill my worries away with Smash Bros. I didn't have much in the way of direction, and I figured it was best to let my friends do their own things. The last thing I wanted to do was be a bother, and I think I managed to avoid that. For the most part, anyway.
I had fun. It's always a good feeling to play my favorite games with other people, and I don't believe any ill strife was had there. But even so, despite the huge amounts of people around me... I couldn't help feeling lonely. It wasn't a foreign feeling to me, but it still got in the way of many other possible routes I could have taken. If I had any real sense of direction, that is. Alas, I didn't; and that's why I spent-- nay, wasted so much time the way I did.
The highlight of my venture was, of course, finally meeting my two longtime friends
darius-kei and 
greenery . It was INCREDIBLY overdue, but they're the reason why I sacrificed a few of my things to scrounge up the costs of attending the con. Hell, if it weren't for the former I wouldn't have had a place to stay so I forever harbor my hearttfelt gratitudes for him...Needless to say, meeting them was a magical moment. Despite my own aimlessness, I couldn't stop blushing and grinning like the dork I am. I love those guys so much, even if I don't get to communicate as often with them like we used to well over a decade ago. In this regard, I don't regret going to MFF.
Of course, I knew that they had their own business to attend to during the con, so I didn't have much issue with letting them do as they pleased. Had I raised any objections, that would have been very inconsiderate and rude of me. I don't enjoy being like that. And yet... deep down I still felt like somewhat of an outcast throughout the event. I've always been more of a follower than a leader, and when I hang out with friends I'm usually tagging along or retreat to the background. It's something I'm always trying to work on, even if in vain. Alas, it does contribute to my mixed feelings about the whole thing. I'm not interesting nor exciting, and there aren't many aspects of the furry community that I can blend well in.
Hell if I possess any crucial social skills to make new friends, either! A good example is the moment I ran into an acquaintance from Twitter-- the bloke actually sought me out and found me in the gaming area playing Smash. He poked me, I turned around in a slight panic, but we exchanged hellos after looking at his badges and figuring out who he was. A brief awkward conversation ensued, then we said our "see you around"s. I never got to see him again after that...
It's no one's fault but my own. I just don't have the mental dexterity for this sort of thing; I'm always worried about being such a bother to people, even friends. I realize it's not a good quality to have, but it's not something I can just fix on the spot.
I also got to briefly hang out with my pals
dby106698 and 
hagaren3 , the former actually in charge of the gaming area. His presence made me feel more at ease, but I still failed to interact much with him. Regardless, also regardless of his busywork, he still went out of his way to check up on me, offering to visit Selene so I can hang out with her and her friends, AND HAVE A FRIGGIN' BITE TO EAT! My own insecurities made me neglect my own well-being... it was definitely one of my lowest points in the con.(Also, big shoutouts to my bud
fairseas for helping me get through the last night somewhat sanely!)I don't regret the time I spent among my friends; I love them all so much and I always count my blessings to know I have such fantastic people that consider me their friend. Still, I feel like I really cocked up and squandered several chances to broaden my horizons. It's all just so overwhelming for me, and I really don't think I'm a con-type person. I prefer the more chill and engaging experiences of just hanging out with my friends; people I can trust and be comfortable with without overworrying about the social stigma associated with conventions. It's complicated, but then again I'm a bit of a complicated guy to begin with...
I really feel that my experience at MFF could have gone so much better. Alas, my insecurity and lack of direction ultimately got in the way. That much I truly regret...
All that said, I don't think I'm going to another con in the foreseeable future. It's just... not really my thing, considering everything. It eats me up to realize that, but... such is life, I suppose.
Regardless... thanks for making my experience an unforgettable one, guys. Even if it puts me just a bit at ease, I don't regret meeting up with and spending what meager time I could with you. I just regret everything else...
Thanks for your time, fellas. Peace & love, and have a good night.
Happy Holidays, everyone.
Posted 9 years agoJust wanted to wish everyone all the best, no matter what or if you celebrate the festive holidays. Peace and love for you all.
Self-reflection, one more time! (Thoughts on MFF, etc.)
Posted 9 years agoDo I really belong in the furry fandom? I keep pondering this time and time again. It's probably sickening of me to keep doing so at this point!
Oftentimes I write it off as just another musing from my bouts of depression.
Other times I actually find myself legitimately concerned. This is one of those times.
I have a good handful of friends who are furries. They're pretty proud of the fact, too.
They also happen to be much more social butterflies than I'd ever hope to be. They have many friends, often close ones, people who look up to them, who share their interests, etc.
Therein lies the source of my anxieties. And, dare I say, a bit of jealousy.
Over the years, I've always seen the furry subculture as a highly social one. Then again, that could be said for a lot of factions in life overall.
Still, I often feel dejected about it all, like I don't truly belong there.
I'm not outgoing. I distract myself with video games very frequently. I don't consider myself all that special, and I'm just overall boring as hell! If I'm amongst a group of friends, I'll most likely be quiet a good chunk of the time, simply observing. If I'm suddenly put on the spot about something, I tense up and freeze, stuttering over my words. Who wants a wet blanket like that in their midsts?
I don't enjoy putting myself down like that, at all. I earnestly believe I can be a good, dependable friend if given the chance to prove so even amidst my general anxiety. I love making people laugh or smile, even if I'm not very good at it. I always want what's best for my friends and loved ones, even if I can't often provide. Even so, I can't hide from the truth. And I choose not to hide it.
I'll be going to my first furry convention in a few weeks: Midwest FurFest. I know next to nothing about what it will entail (no furpun intended), and that fills a part of me with a bit of dread. Conventions are often a very social affair, thus it will feel very awkward and, needless to say, scary going all by myself.
That's not to say I won't be completely alone. I'm meeting a few friends whom I've known for over a decade, but never got to meet in person before. It's very exciting, but I'm also aware they will have their own agendas to fulfill. So while it would be comforting and nice, I simply can't be hovering over them all the time. It's literally impossible!
That said, there'll most likely be times when I'll be all on my own. I'll probably wander around a fair bit, like a dazed bumblebee. Maybe I'll hang around the gaming areas a lot, if they're always open and don't mind me borrowing a space to recharge my batteries with a game or two. I don't know! For all little I know, I'll probably be told by the con staff to skedaddle even if I'm not causing any trouble!
I don't mean to be depressing. I want to be able to enjoy my time in the convention, and to brighten my friends' lives even if just marginally. I just can't make any promises about my bouts of anxiety. And the sense of exclusion will keep looming over my head like that goddamn stupid thundercloud item from Mario Kart Wii!
(though to be honest I'd take that over the MOUNTAINS OF MUSHROOMS in Mario Kart 8 lmfao)
Anyway... I probably took a few detours here on my train of thoughts... as always! Point is, while I'm cautiously optimistic about MFF I'll also be scared out of my wits about all the social hoopla. I like me anthropomorphic animals like the rest of you, and even identify as one (however videogamey and imaginary), but I can't escape from my weakness of lacking the crucial social skills that help make this community what it is, not to mention being the very foundation of any social interaction at all.
At least one thing's for certain, though...
Even if I feel rejected because of this, there's probably no going back now. Especially after this event happens.
Oftentimes I write it off as just another musing from my bouts of depression.
Other times I actually find myself legitimately concerned. This is one of those times.
I have a good handful of friends who are furries. They're pretty proud of the fact, too.
They also happen to be much more social butterflies than I'd ever hope to be. They have many friends, often close ones, people who look up to them, who share their interests, etc.
Therein lies the source of my anxieties. And, dare I say, a bit of jealousy.
Over the years, I've always seen the furry subculture as a highly social one. Then again, that could be said for a lot of factions in life overall.
Still, I often feel dejected about it all, like I don't truly belong there.
I'm not outgoing. I distract myself with video games very frequently. I don't consider myself all that special, and I'm just overall boring as hell! If I'm amongst a group of friends, I'll most likely be quiet a good chunk of the time, simply observing. If I'm suddenly put on the spot about something, I tense up and freeze, stuttering over my words. Who wants a wet blanket like that in their midsts?
I don't enjoy putting myself down like that, at all. I earnestly believe I can be a good, dependable friend if given the chance to prove so even amidst my general anxiety. I love making people laugh or smile, even if I'm not very good at it. I always want what's best for my friends and loved ones, even if I can't often provide. Even so, I can't hide from the truth. And I choose not to hide it.
I'll be going to my first furry convention in a few weeks: Midwest FurFest. I know next to nothing about what it will entail (no furpun intended), and that fills a part of me with a bit of dread. Conventions are often a very social affair, thus it will feel very awkward and, needless to say, scary going all by myself.
That's not to say I won't be completely alone. I'm meeting a few friends whom I've known for over a decade, but never got to meet in person before. It's very exciting, but I'm also aware they will have their own agendas to fulfill. So while it would be comforting and nice, I simply can't be hovering over them all the time. It's literally impossible!
That said, there'll most likely be times when I'll be all on my own. I'll probably wander around a fair bit, like a dazed bumblebee. Maybe I'll hang around the gaming areas a lot, if they're always open and don't mind me borrowing a space to recharge my batteries with a game or two. I don't know! For all little I know, I'll probably be told by the con staff to skedaddle even if I'm not causing any trouble!
I don't mean to be depressing. I want to be able to enjoy my time in the convention, and to brighten my friends' lives even if just marginally. I just can't make any promises about my bouts of anxiety. And the sense of exclusion will keep looming over my head like that goddamn stupid thundercloud item from Mario Kart Wii!
(though to be honest I'd take that over the MOUNTAINS OF MUSHROOMS in Mario Kart 8 lmfao)
Anyway... I probably took a few detours here on my train of thoughts... as always! Point is, while I'm cautiously optimistic about MFF I'll also be scared out of my wits about all the social hoopla. I like me anthropomorphic animals like the rest of you, and even identify as one (however videogamey and imaginary), but I can't escape from my weakness of lacking the crucial social skills that help make this community what it is, not to mention being the very foundation of any social interaction at all.
At least one thing's for certain, though...
Even if I feel rejected because of this, there's probably no going back now. Especially after this event happens.
Just a bit of self-reflection, move along
Posted 10 years agoMore and more often I find myself wondering why I'm even here. I don't really relate as a "furry" in the traditional sense, even though I like anthropomorphic creatures with human-like intellect and emotions. If I could, I'd happily be an amiable anthro gator in a heartbeat-- I've grown tired of being a homo sapiens for various reasons. But that's a different story for another time...
I take a good gander around this site and other various furry communities, and I can't help to question whether or not I belong in them. I don't really have any kinks, as far as I know. I'm shy, reserved, oftentimes gullible and feeble. I'm prone to being bullied and heckled by those high-and-mighty types, or just looked down upon by those who truly have their shit together. More often than not, when I do meet new people on this site I'm always lectured or forced to indulge in whatever they want/like.
It's happened more times than I care to remember. One time, several years ago, some guy with a Yoshi OC of some sort approached me on MSN. It seemed like a good opportunity to make a new friend, so I obliged. Immediately, he wanted to RP with me-- in fact, that's how he opened the conversation. Sooner rather than later, I found myself forced into some inflation/weight gain situation. Naturally, I became frightened and angry. When I finally put my foot down to end that silly charade, he got indignant on me and left. That's when I first started to question my place on this fandom.
Fast-forward a few years later, I meet someone else who proved to be a nice and friendly fellow. Soon enough, though, I was roped into vore shenanigans with the guy... much to my reluctance. In order to make him happy, I obliged. Of course, that didn't last very long. He and I still keep in touch, albeit it's been a constantly rocky relationship.
Truth be told, I still get approached by other people asking about vore-ish things. Listen, guys: With all due respect, just because I like me some musclegut and chubby figures DOESN'T mean that I like vore, slob, or anything that normally involves the use of an oval office. If you're into these and other sorts of things, that's your business-- not mine. I still can't comprehend why people disrespect others like this and in many other ways...
And then there are the gamers. You'd think someone like me would get along with others whose main hobby is video games. Sadly, even that's been full of mishaps. Rather recently, someone approached me to play some Smash. I love Smash Bros-- it's one of my favorite games-- so of course I was excited to play! As far as these kinds of video games go, as long as I'm having fun with others I don't care whether I win or lose. Unfortunately, many people I get to play with ultimately lecture me on how to play the game and "git gud". It may be their thing to be godly at games, but that's just not for me. I'm neither competing for life or money, after all-- I just want to have a good time, and getting told I'm "playing it wrong" really hurts that self-esteem.
Long story short, my experience with the furry fandom has not been a pleasant one. I continue to stick around for the occasional fantastic piece of art or prose, and to keep in touch with my friends... hopefully making some new sensible pals in the process. Sadly, most of these friends have strayed a fair bit from me, to the point where I can't truly relate to them anymore. Every time I see them happy, I feel a Chex mix of joy, envy and detachment... joy from their happiness, envy from their accomplishments, and detachment from being unable to relate to them. It's not a fun feeling, trust me.
I just... I don't get it. What's my place in the fandom, or anywhere in general? Do I really belong here? Am I doing something wrong? These and more pressing questions haunt me every time I browse here... and I'm always at a complete loss to answer them.
...so all I can do is keep wandering and wondering.
I take a good gander around this site and other various furry communities, and I can't help to question whether or not I belong in them. I don't really have any kinks, as far as I know. I'm shy, reserved, oftentimes gullible and feeble. I'm prone to being bullied and heckled by those high-and-mighty types, or just looked down upon by those who truly have their shit together. More often than not, when I do meet new people on this site I'm always lectured or forced to indulge in whatever they want/like.
It's happened more times than I care to remember. One time, several years ago, some guy with a Yoshi OC of some sort approached me on MSN. It seemed like a good opportunity to make a new friend, so I obliged. Immediately, he wanted to RP with me-- in fact, that's how he opened the conversation. Sooner rather than later, I found myself forced into some inflation/weight gain situation. Naturally, I became frightened and angry. When I finally put my foot down to end that silly charade, he got indignant on me and left. That's when I first started to question my place on this fandom.
Fast-forward a few years later, I meet someone else who proved to be a nice and friendly fellow. Soon enough, though, I was roped into vore shenanigans with the guy... much to my reluctance. In order to make him happy, I obliged. Of course, that didn't last very long. He and I still keep in touch, albeit it's been a constantly rocky relationship.
Truth be told, I still get approached by other people asking about vore-ish things. Listen, guys: With all due respect, just because I like me some musclegut and chubby figures DOESN'T mean that I like vore, slob, or anything that normally involves the use of an oval office. If you're into these and other sorts of things, that's your business-- not mine. I still can't comprehend why people disrespect others like this and in many other ways...
And then there are the gamers. You'd think someone like me would get along with others whose main hobby is video games. Sadly, even that's been full of mishaps. Rather recently, someone approached me to play some Smash. I love Smash Bros-- it's one of my favorite games-- so of course I was excited to play! As far as these kinds of video games go, as long as I'm having fun with others I don't care whether I win or lose. Unfortunately, many people I get to play with ultimately lecture me on how to play the game and "git gud". It may be their thing to be godly at games, but that's just not for me. I'm neither competing for life or money, after all-- I just want to have a good time, and getting told I'm "playing it wrong" really hurts that self-esteem.
Long story short, my experience with the furry fandom has not been a pleasant one. I continue to stick around for the occasional fantastic piece of art or prose, and to keep in touch with my friends... hopefully making some new sensible pals in the process. Sadly, most of these friends have strayed a fair bit from me, to the point where I can't truly relate to them anymore. Every time I see them happy, I feel a Chex mix of joy, envy and detachment... joy from their happiness, envy from their accomplishments, and detachment from being unable to relate to them. It's not a fun feeling, trust me.
I just... I don't get it. What's my place in the fandom, or anywhere in general? Do I really belong here? Am I doing something wrong? These and more pressing questions haunt me every time I browse here... and I'm always at a complete loss to answer them.
...so all I can do is keep wandering and wondering.
Oh hey, an update! Finally!
Posted 11 years agoBasically, to sum up my thoughts on recent happenings while my brain is hopped up on Vicodin and doesn't give a care in the world:
~Valentine's Day sucked big time. Let's just leave it at that.
~Had yet another batch of job rejection letters throughout the weeks. Not surprising anymore.
~I've been selling my Gamecube games on eBay to make money for groceries and other such expenses. So my collection had really dwindled.
~Though I did manage to get a Wii U recently, so it's not all bad. Super Mario 3D World is by far one of the best games ever made, in my opinion.
~My legacy of being bullied continues. You're currently reading the thoughts of a "worthless loser". I won't name the person who called me such, but it truly hurt my self-esteem.
~I'm typing this as I recover from a surgery I had last night for appendicitis. I'm now without an appendix, good riddance. The aforementioned Vicodin is for the post-operation pain. I should really be resting instead of typing away here...
~My mother, bless her soul, can't think beyond her own logic. I was prescribed by the doctor to ingest "full liquids" for today and tomorrow, yet she made chicken noodle soup for dinner. I had to drink the broth and leave the noodles. I despise wasting food like that...
In short, February has been one hell of a rotten month for me. Then again, so have been the past few months. But I won't go into detail on those...
~Valentine's Day sucked big time. Let's just leave it at that.
~Had yet another batch of job rejection letters throughout the weeks. Not surprising anymore.
~I've been selling my Gamecube games on eBay to make money for groceries and other such expenses. So my collection had really dwindled.
~Though I did manage to get a Wii U recently, so it's not all bad. Super Mario 3D World is by far one of the best games ever made, in my opinion.
~My legacy of being bullied continues. You're currently reading the thoughts of a "worthless loser". I won't name the person who called me such, but it truly hurt my self-esteem.
~I'm typing this as I recover from a surgery I had last night for appendicitis. I'm now without an appendix, good riddance. The aforementioned Vicodin is for the post-operation pain. I should really be resting instead of typing away here...
~My mother, bless her soul, can't think beyond her own logic. I was prescribed by the doctor to ingest "full liquids" for today and tomorrow, yet she made chicken noodle soup for dinner. I had to drink the broth and leave the noodles. I despise wasting food like that...
In short, February has been one hell of a rotten month for me. Then again, so have been the past few months. But I won't go into detail on those...
Filler journal, feel free to delete this.
Posted 12 years agoJust wanted to remove that obnoxiously-long journal from my front page. Until the next one, anyway.
Hope everyone's doing well.
Hope everyone's doing well.
"Honesty is the Best Policy"... right?
Posted 12 years agoOkay, ladies and gents. Right now, I'm using my dear mother's cell phone as a wi-fi hotspot once again. I don't have as much online time or privileges as I'd like. But anyway... I feel that I have to be honest with myself here.
All these years, I've been focusing on making my friends and loved ones happy to the best of my ability. Or in more accurate terms, to the best of my only abilities.
While that seemed perfectly fine and dandy, I continued to neglect myself along the way.
I've tried to shape up my life for the better over the years. But after failing to finish Basic Training in the Air Force, and also failing college four times, I have come to terms with my personal inabilities.
Sadly, my Christian family believes that I'm simply doing all of that on purpose, only to keep on living in my own little world, unwilling to grow up from a life of video games and friends.
I may be addicted to video games, but even I know that's far from the truth. I want to keep growing up. I want to finally make my own life, away from these close-minded people. I want to be comfortable with who I am and what I strive for.
I do my best, each and every day, to fight my social anxiety. Something not even I can explain why I have. I've been submitting job applications to the local businesses near where I live, hoping that I'll finally earn a job so I can sustain myself and my family, and get that start in life I've been so desperately trying to attain.
Despite my efforts and my good intentions, my life is an utter mess. I've unwillingly and unknowingly betrayed the trust of my friends and family, mostly in part of my naiveté in many things. I was receiving therapy for my anxiety back when I lived in Illinois, but was too chicken to confront people and transfer the treatment to the Veteran's Affairs here in Milwaukee. I also failed to seek help or counseling when I was failing my college courses, again due to my asinine fear of people. Now I can't even look my sister in the eye without freezing on the spot, and I've gotten her very agitated because of it. She's currently expecting a child, and if that baby dies because of me I don't know what I'd do...
...
I'm truly sorry for those who I've hurt over the years, and for my silly incompetence in life. Even throughout the bad times, I've focused on making you guys happy. Right now, I need to focus on myself if I hope to make my life how I see fit. But the truth of the matter is... I'm scared. I'm scared of what might happen if I keep failing in life.
I'll do my best to keep my chin up, but as things stand now I don't know what the future holds. I feel that time's beginning to run out, and that no one will ever hire me due to my lack of experience, charisma and work history.
I don't know what else to say. I'm also not looking for pity or sympathy. I simply needed to vent. I apologize for taking your time, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this.
I love you all. No matter what happens. Take good care, and let's strive for a better tomorrow. Love and peace, fellas!
All these years, I've been focusing on making my friends and loved ones happy to the best of my ability. Or in more accurate terms, to the best of my only abilities.
While that seemed perfectly fine and dandy, I continued to neglect myself along the way.
I've tried to shape up my life for the better over the years. But after failing to finish Basic Training in the Air Force, and also failing college four times, I have come to terms with my personal inabilities.
Sadly, my Christian family believes that I'm simply doing all of that on purpose, only to keep on living in my own little world, unwilling to grow up from a life of video games and friends.
I may be addicted to video games, but even I know that's far from the truth. I want to keep growing up. I want to finally make my own life, away from these close-minded people. I want to be comfortable with who I am and what I strive for.
I do my best, each and every day, to fight my social anxiety. Something not even I can explain why I have. I've been submitting job applications to the local businesses near where I live, hoping that I'll finally earn a job so I can sustain myself and my family, and get that start in life I've been so desperately trying to attain.
Despite my efforts and my good intentions, my life is an utter mess. I've unwillingly and unknowingly betrayed the trust of my friends and family, mostly in part of my naiveté in many things. I was receiving therapy for my anxiety back when I lived in Illinois, but was too chicken to confront people and transfer the treatment to the Veteran's Affairs here in Milwaukee. I also failed to seek help or counseling when I was failing my college courses, again due to my asinine fear of people. Now I can't even look my sister in the eye without freezing on the spot, and I've gotten her very agitated because of it. She's currently expecting a child, and if that baby dies because of me I don't know what I'd do...
...
I'm truly sorry for those who I've hurt over the years, and for my silly incompetence in life. Even throughout the bad times, I've focused on making you guys happy. Right now, I need to focus on myself if I hope to make my life how I see fit. But the truth of the matter is... I'm scared. I'm scared of what might happen if I keep failing in life.
I'll do my best to keep my chin up, but as things stand now I don't know what the future holds. I feel that time's beginning to run out, and that no one will ever hire me due to my lack of experience, charisma and work history.
I don't know what else to say. I'm also not looking for pity or sympathy. I simply needed to vent. I apologize for taking your time, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this.
I love you all. No matter what happens. Take good care, and let's strive for a better tomorrow. Love and peace, fellas!
A few random thoughts...
Posted 12 years ago<<Currently Listening to: http://tane.us/ac/nl.html >>
Hmmrr... August is turning out to be a craptastic month for many of us, eh? I'm merely being observant, but I've seen many people having some rough patches throughout the month. Of course, I'm one to talk-- I've been on an emotional roller-coaster of my own. But I'll spare the details, as this is mainly an observation.
...Well, okay. Maybe I can divulge just one of my stressful events that happened just recently. Watch out, though-- it's a strange doozy.
So get this. I'm minding my own business a few nights ago, chatting on Skype and surfin' the web as usual, when this old woman comes knocking on the door of our apartment out of the blue. I have no idea what was going on when all of a sudden I get called out of my room and to the door in question. Then this lady, who need I say doesn't even live in the apartment, starts looking at me all weird. She was acting strange, all wobbly and frightened of me (nothing new, I get this a lot). I ask what's the matter since mom's not very good at speaking English... when all of a sudden she starts to accuse me of jumping over her fence, barging into her home, and swiping $200 from god-knows-where. Of course my eyes immediately go wide, my anxieties kicking in.
Attempting to reason with her didn't work in the slightest, as she kept telling me to look her in the eye and say that I wasn't the culprit... at which I fail incredibly due to my mild anxiety attack. I don't even know this woman, not to mention I spend practically all of my days inside, beside my laptop and other personal belongings. Yet there I was, accused of wrongdoing to the extreme. She almost even had the cops involved because I wouldn't stop fidgeting. It was pretty much a nightmare turned into reality-- people in fear of and spiteful of me simply for the way I look and act. This is why I've practically sworn off from society. Even whilst doing nothing wrong, the world continues to pursue and kick me down. At least, that's how this meek old dragon perceives it, wrong or not.
Later in the night, just as I was about to cry from the pressure, our neighbor in the apartment (who happens to be a cop, ironically enough) came by and explained the misunderstanding-- the even did happen but the culprit was more likely some old geezer that was "staying" with her. ...*shudder* She was also drunk out of her mind, which explains the randomness of it all. But in the end, it was still traumatic for someone like me. I feel like my heart can't physically take any more stress.
Hopefully that's the end of that chapter, though. I've got enough things on my plate right now to be worrying about random crazy people I don't even know. I just hope things eventually get better for all of us.
Hmmrr... August is turning out to be a craptastic month for many of us, eh? I'm merely being observant, but I've seen many people having some rough patches throughout the month. Of course, I'm one to talk-- I've been on an emotional roller-coaster of my own. But I'll spare the details, as this is mainly an observation.
...Well, okay. Maybe I can divulge just one of my stressful events that happened just recently. Watch out, though-- it's a strange doozy.
So get this. I'm minding my own business a few nights ago, chatting on Skype and surfin' the web as usual, when this old woman comes knocking on the door of our apartment out of the blue. I have no idea what was going on when all of a sudden I get called out of my room and to the door in question. Then this lady, who need I say doesn't even live in the apartment, starts looking at me all weird. She was acting strange, all wobbly and frightened of me (nothing new, I get this a lot). I ask what's the matter since mom's not very good at speaking English... when all of a sudden she starts to accuse me of jumping over her fence, barging into her home, and swiping $200 from god-knows-where. Of course my eyes immediately go wide, my anxieties kicking in.
Attempting to reason with her didn't work in the slightest, as she kept telling me to look her in the eye and say that I wasn't the culprit... at which I fail incredibly due to my mild anxiety attack. I don't even know this woman, not to mention I spend practically all of my days inside, beside my laptop and other personal belongings. Yet there I was, accused of wrongdoing to the extreme. She almost even had the cops involved because I wouldn't stop fidgeting. It was pretty much a nightmare turned into reality-- people in fear of and spiteful of me simply for the way I look and act. This is why I've practically sworn off from society. Even whilst doing nothing wrong, the world continues to pursue and kick me down. At least, that's how this meek old dragon perceives it, wrong or not.
Later in the night, just as I was about to cry from the pressure, our neighbor in the apartment (who happens to be a cop, ironically enough) came by and explained the misunderstanding-- the even did happen but the culprit was more likely some old geezer that was "staying" with her. ...*shudder* She was also drunk out of her mind, which explains the randomness of it all. But in the end, it was still traumatic for someone like me. I feel like my heart can't physically take any more stress.
Hopefully that's the end of that chapter, though. I've got enough things on my plate right now to be worrying about random crazy people I don't even know. I just hope things eventually get better for all of us.
A fellow fur in search of a kidney donor...
Posted 12 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4980046/ <--Details within.
Not for me, of course. Though I wish I could help, but I don't even know what my blood type is.
In any case, I'm simply reposting this from my pal dby106698's journal since it's the only thing I can do. Anyone who is capable of donating to a noble cause, I insist that you help in any way you can. Even if it's simply doing what I just did.
Let's band together and make a miracle happen. I know it can be done.
Not for me, of course. Though I wish I could help, but I don't even know what my blood type is.
In any case, I'm simply reposting this from my pal
dby106698's journal since it's the only thing I can do. Anyone who is capable of donating to a noble cause, I insist that you help in any way you can. Even if it's simply doing what I just did.Let's band together and make a miracle happen. I know it can be done.
Commissions.
Posted 12 years agoA rather delicate subject for me, both ways. (But let's not talk about receiving-- that's my personal problem.)
I've always thought about opening up my meager abilities for paid commissions, but I'm always second-guessing myself about it. I do enjoy my work, whether it's for myself or for others. However, I take a good look at the hundreds of amazing artists around here, and my stuff just pales in comparison. I know no shading/lighting techniques, and I'm still learning on proportions and such. I have a long way to go, but as things stand at the moment I'm beginning to get a little desperate about earning a bit of side money for my work.
So I pose the question for you guys. If given the option, would any of you good people like to commission me for my artsy work? And if so, what would be a fair price point?
I've been told that $5 per uncolored sketch and $10 for a colored drawing sounds fair, but I'm too modest to admit such. I want your opinions.
Also, I just want to make it known-- I'm uncomfortable drawing kinky or fetish artstuffs. So if I do open up myself for commishies, I'd like to keep them simple and clean. Simple fan arts of video game/media characters and OCs are always welcome, for instance. I do apologize in advance for that.
Thanks for reading, and have a great night everyone! ^.-.^
I've always thought about opening up my meager abilities for paid commissions, but I'm always second-guessing myself about it. I do enjoy my work, whether it's for myself or for others. However, I take a good look at the hundreds of amazing artists around here, and my stuff just pales in comparison. I know no shading/lighting techniques, and I'm still learning on proportions and such. I have a long way to go, but as things stand at the moment I'm beginning to get a little desperate about earning a bit of side money for my work.
So I pose the question for you guys. If given the option, would any of you good people like to commission me for my artsy work? And if so, what would be a fair price point?
I've been told that $5 per uncolored sketch and $10 for a colored drawing sounds fair, but I'm too modest to admit such. I want your opinions.
Also, I just want to make it known-- I'm uncomfortable drawing kinky or fetish artstuffs. So if I do open up myself for commishies, I'd like to keep them simple and clean. Simple fan arts of video game/media characters and OCs are always welcome, for instance. I do apologize in advance for that.
Thanks for reading, and have a great night everyone! ^.-.^
So I've come to reaffirm...
Posted 12 years ago...that drawings depicting either well-known characters (OCs, in particular) or naughtiness/kinks of any kind typically results in more views and Favorites than most of anything else. Unless in cases when the art is top-notch or truly invokes emotion to the viewer.
It's like that pretty much anywhere, not just FA. I enjoy being on this site, of course; there's no going back for me.
Still... I have to wonder if I'm doing anything wrong. I'm not one to often complain about the lack of viewers and such-- it's a silly thing to throw a fit over. But I have to admit it's a little insulting when I pour several hours into my artwork and watch it not get much attention outside a few loyal watchers. Which I'm incredibly fortunate to have, all things considered. I won't throw any names out here, but just know that you guys are truly special and I love you all. <3
.....
All that said and done, I could really use some pointers on how to get my name out there. I'm not aiming to be popular, but dammit-- a bit more recognition would be nice. I love drawing and all, but I don't want to keep doing it in complete vain if people don't bother to show just a smidge more interest.
I apologize for this journal, but I'm trying not to bottle up my feelings lately. If you guys feel it's inappropriate, I'll delete it post-haste.
Have a stellarrific day, everyone~
It's like that pretty much anywhere, not just FA. I enjoy being on this site, of course; there's no going back for me.
Still... I have to wonder if I'm doing anything wrong. I'm not one to often complain about the lack of viewers and such-- it's a silly thing to throw a fit over. But I have to admit it's a little insulting when I pour several hours into my artwork and watch it not get much attention outside a few loyal watchers. Which I'm incredibly fortunate to have, all things considered. I won't throw any names out here, but just know that you guys are truly special and I love you all. <3
.....
All that said and done, I could really use some pointers on how to get my name out there. I'm not aiming to be popular, but dammit-- a bit more recognition would be nice. I love drawing and all, but I don't want to keep doing it in complete vain if people don't bother to show just a smidge more interest.
I apologize for this journal, but I'm trying not to bottle up my feelings lately. If you guys feel it's inappropriate, I'll delete it post-haste.
Have a stellarrific day, everyone~
Cuteness Quiz
Posted 12 years agoStolen from 
deemann88 because I have nothing better to do.
...actually, that's not why. People always find me "cute". I'd like to know just how warranted that is! D:
[]= You have blue/green eyes.
[x] = You blush a lot.
[x] = You giggle.
[x] = You're quiet most of the time
[x] = You say random silly things
[x] = You have a baby face.
[x] = You wear a more down to earth style of clothing.
[x] = You don't wear halter tops or anything too showy.
[] = Your under 5 feet 6 inches tall.
TOTAL: 7
Innocence:
[x] = You're a virgin.
[x] = Just thinking of sexual things makes you blush.
[x] = Your idea of a date is really romantic.
[x] = You sleep with a stuffed animal.
[x] = You like to cuddle.
[x] = You've never played the Nervous game.
[x] = You don't even know what the nervous game is.
TOTAL: 7
Colors:
[] = You like the color pink/light blue.
[] = You tend to wear bright/girly colors.
TOTAL: 0
Personality:
[x] = You can be ignorant/oblivious.
[x] = You'd consider yourself shy.
[x] = You like happy upbeat music.
[] = You like "Cutesy" music.
TOTAL: 3
What YOU think is cute:
[x] = You like small animals.
[] = You like babies a lot.
[x] = Small/mini versions of things make you go "Awww"
TOTAL: 2
Trust:
[x] = You know when somebody lies.
[x] = You had to use a calculator to know the percent on this meme.
[] = One of your friends told you to make this.
[] = You just realized this was made for girls.
TOTAL: 2
*****
Grand total: 21
Multiply how many you got by 4.
Repost as: "I'm __% Cute".
*****
...I'm 84% cute.
........*blush* I don't even have to try to be, either. . - .;
deemann88 because I have nothing better to do....actually, that's not why. People always find me "cute". I'd like to know just how warranted that is! D:
[]= You have blue/green eyes.
[x] = You blush a lot.
[x] = You giggle.
[x] = You're quiet most of the time
[x] = You say random silly things
[x] = You have a baby face.
[x] = You wear a more down to earth style of clothing.
[x] = You don't wear halter tops or anything too showy.
[] = Your under 5 feet 6 inches tall.
TOTAL: 7
Innocence:
[x] = You're a virgin.
[x] = Just thinking of sexual things makes you blush.
[x] = Your idea of a date is really romantic.
[x] = You sleep with a stuffed animal.
[x] = You like to cuddle.
[x] = You've never played the Nervous game.
[x] = You don't even know what the nervous game is.
TOTAL: 7
Colors:
[] = You like the color pink/light blue.
[] = You tend to wear bright/girly colors.
TOTAL: 0
Personality:
[x] = You can be ignorant/oblivious.
[x] = You'd consider yourself shy.
[x] = You like happy upbeat music.
[] = You like "Cutesy" music.
TOTAL: 3
What YOU think is cute:
[x] = You like small animals.
[] = You like babies a lot.
[x] = Small/mini versions of things make you go "Awww"
TOTAL: 2
Trust:
[x] = You know when somebody lies.
[x] = You had to use a calculator to know the percent on this meme.
[] = One of your friends told you to make this.
[] = You just realized this was made for girls.
TOTAL: 2
*****
Grand total: 21
Multiply how many you got by 4.
Repost as: "I'm __% Cute".
*****
...I'm 84% cute.
........*blush* I don't even have to try to be, either. . - .;
[MEME] Getting to Know You
Posted 12 years agoStolen from my two dearest comrades and members of ye old Trinity of Awesomeness, greenery and darius-kei.
Just a little questionnaire for you guys. I encourage every one of my friends, new and old, to take part and answer from the bottom of their hearts. :3
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you love me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why.
6. Describe me in 1 word.
7. What was your first impression of me?
8. Would you hug me?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13. Would you meet up with me?
14. Do you enjoy having me as a friend?
15. Would you spend some quality time with me?
greenery and darius-kei.Just a little questionnaire for you guys. I encourage every one of my friends, new and old, to take part and answer from the bottom of their hearts. :3
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you love me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why.
6. Describe me in 1 word.
7. What was your first impression of me?
8. Would you hug me?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13. Would you meet up with me?
14. Do you enjoy having me as a friend?
15. Would you spend some quality time with me?
Just a heads-up...
Posted 12 years ago(Typing this using what little charge I have on the laptop while using mom's phone as a mobile hotspot.)
Since Wednesday, we've been stuck without power in the apartment. Miraculously and hopefully, we got it taken care of as of this journal. They should reactivate the power either later today or sometime next week. We'll see what happens.
Unfortunately, the cable bill came and they may disconnect that soon as well. It's just one thing after another, and I feel responsible for it all due to my asinine inability to seek employment. We'll cope somehow... hopefully.
Anyway, I hope you guys are doing well. I know it's been only a few days, but I miss you all dearly.
Since Wednesday, we've been stuck without power in the apartment. Miraculously and hopefully, we got it taken care of as of this journal. They should reactivate the power either later today or sometime next week. We'll see what happens.
Unfortunately, the cable bill came and they may disconnect that soon as well. It's just one thing after another, and I feel responsible for it all due to my asinine inability to seek employment. We'll cope somehow... hopefully.
Anyway, I hope you guys are doing well. I know it's been only a few days, but I miss you all dearly.
TMI Tuesday? Sure, why not.
Posted 12 years agoOn my journey to break open my shell, I may as well start doing these every now and then.
So... yeah! If you really wish to know more about me, feel free to ask anything. I'll answer to the best of my ability. ^^;
So... yeah! If you really wish to know more about me, feel free to ask anything. I'll answer to the best of my ability. ^^;
Alright, that's enough!
Posted 12 years agoEnough of my self-wallowing and shit. If I hope to become more friendly with people, I have to make the steps myself.
That said, I went through my buddy list and watched those amazing people whom I was too shy to watch back. My sincerest apologies to you guys and deepest gratitude for taking your time to watch this old friendly yet socially anxious Yoshidragonthing.
All that said and done, please don't be offended if I still don't talk too much. It's a work in progress. ^.-.^;
Peace out, fellas! And see you on the horizon~
That said, I went through my buddy list and watched those amazing people whom I was too shy to watch back. My sincerest apologies to you guys and deepest gratitude for taking your time to watch this old friendly yet socially anxious Yoshidragonthing.
All that said and done, please don't be offended if I still don't talk too much. It's a work in progress. ^.-.^;
Peace out, fellas! And see you on the horizon~
Nonsensical Mindspill
Posted 12 years agoOh boy, it's that time again. I'm in a bit of a mood swing right now, so please bear with me. If you don't feel like reading huge walls of text, feel free to bail. However, I feel the need to let off a bit of steam.
Lately, I've felt my emotions are a bit unstable. One day I'm feeling bright and chipper, the next I'm feeling miserable and distant. Sometimes they interchange in a matter of hours. It's almost as if I don't know what I want.
...Actually, that's pretty much how I feel about things.
I have no sense of direction, and I'm not saying that to beat myself up. Video games have always been one of the very few things I'm good at, to an extent. I've tried indulging in other habits: Volunteer service, going to church with my sister, writing, art, etc. Needless to say, though, they don't hold my attention for very long. And I feel that other people begin to look down upon me for it.
I generally keep an open mind about everything, but I never have the courage to outright say and admit if something isn't grabbing a firm hold of my interest. Then, I start to feel all awkward inside. I don't want to hurt anyone or come across as a self-entitled selfish brat, but most of the time I'm at a loss on what to say. I try my best to spark some degree of interest and reply with questions and such, but that takes me a long time because I become so constipated for replies. It hurts just as much as it sounds, believe me.
Perhaps I'm not being very coherent right now. I just wish I knew how to make friends and mingle with them without becoming so anxious. I don't talk much about my own interests, mainly because they're generally limited to Nintendo games. Yeah, I know that makes me a sad manchild, but it's the truth and I have to accept it.
Some of my friends say they have things in common with me, but do I really? I don't roleplay with just anyone, if at all, and even that's a rarity amongst my friends, and I sure as hell don't get all hugnuzzle affectionate with just about anyone I meet. I'm also not into some of the kinks that some of my pals are into, which makes for some rather awkward moments of "sonofahell whatdoIdonow?". I'm not into those popular games like first-person shooters, sandboxes and most indie games you see touted everywhere. I don't get a big kick out of gritty, raunchy, overly-random or right-in-your-face toilet humor; I feel comedy needs to be pulled off just right or be kept subtle if it hopes to amuse me.
...Overall, I'm a pretty boring man in the surface, and I'd like to know what good people see in me. Someone like me has no hope of ever making friends on his own. People need to coax me in order to get anything done, and even then I can get distracted easily. Still, I try my hardest to be there for those I care about, even if I'm unable to say or do much to be of help.
I know this sounds all kinds of disjointed, but I'm a very disjointed guy to begin with: I'm always honest to a fault, but I'm incredibly anxious around other people in and out of the Internet. That said, I deeply apologize to anyone with whom I haven't been a good friend to as of late. I don't know what I want out of this life, but one thing's for certain: I'm compelled to keep on moving and see what it has in store for me down the road.
Because, despite all the goodstuffs and faults, I remain carefree and happy-go-lucky. It's borderline sickening, to be honest, and part of why I feel I have so much trouble being a good friend to all.
That's all I have to say for now. If you read this far, you have my humble gratitude. If you didn't, no worries-- I won't hate you for it.
Bless you all for letting me be a part of your lives, and being such an integral part of mine. I apologize for this selfish rant. Much peace and love for you all.
Lately, I've felt my emotions are a bit unstable. One day I'm feeling bright and chipper, the next I'm feeling miserable and distant. Sometimes they interchange in a matter of hours. It's almost as if I don't know what I want.
...Actually, that's pretty much how I feel about things.
I have no sense of direction, and I'm not saying that to beat myself up. Video games have always been one of the very few things I'm good at, to an extent. I've tried indulging in other habits: Volunteer service, going to church with my sister, writing, art, etc. Needless to say, though, they don't hold my attention for very long. And I feel that other people begin to look down upon me for it.
I generally keep an open mind about everything, but I never have the courage to outright say and admit if something isn't grabbing a firm hold of my interest. Then, I start to feel all awkward inside. I don't want to hurt anyone or come across as a self-entitled selfish brat, but most of the time I'm at a loss on what to say. I try my best to spark some degree of interest and reply with questions and such, but that takes me a long time because I become so constipated for replies. It hurts just as much as it sounds, believe me.
Perhaps I'm not being very coherent right now. I just wish I knew how to make friends and mingle with them without becoming so anxious. I don't talk much about my own interests, mainly because they're generally limited to Nintendo games. Yeah, I know that makes me a sad manchild, but it's the truth and I have to accept it.
Some of my friends say they have things in common with me, but do I really? I don't roleplay with just anyone, if at all, and even that's a rarity amongst my friends, and I sure as hell don't get all hugnuzzle affectionate with just about anyone I meet. I'm also not into some of the kinks that some of my pals are into, which makes for some rather awkward moments of "sonofahell whatdoIdonow?". I'm not into those popular games like first-person shooters, sandboxes and most indie games you see touted everywhere. I don't get a big kick out of gritty, raunchy, overly-random or right-in-your-face toilet humor; I feel comedy needs to be pulled off just right or be kept subtle if it hopes to amuse me.
...Overall, I'm a pretty boring man in the surface, and I'd like to know what good people see in me. Someone like me has no hope of ever making friends on his own. People need to coax me in order to get anything done, and even then I can get distracted easily. Still, I try my hardest to be there for those I care about, even if I'm unable to say or do much to be of help.
I know this sounds all kinds of disjointed, but I'm a very disjointed guy to begin with: I'm always honest to a fault, but I'm incredibly anxious around other people in and out of the Internet. That said, I deeply apologize to anyone with whom I haven't been a good friend to as of late. I don't know what I want out of this life, but one thing's for certain: I'm compelled to keep on moving and see what it has in store for me down the road.
Because, despite all the goodstuffs and faults, I remain carefree and happy-go-lucky. It's borderline sickening, to be honest, and part of why I feel I have so much trouble being a good friend to all.
That's all I have to say for now. If you read this far, you have my humble gratitude. If you didn't, no worries-- I won't hate you for it.
Bless you all for letting me be a part of your lives, and being such an integral part of mine. I apologize for this selfish rant. Much peace and love for you all.
Yet another Elemental Meme in your Inbox
Posted 13 years agoStolen from greenery, though I'm sure he won't mind~
Light Elemental
[x] You're proud of who you are
[x] You state your opinion
[ ] You think you're intelligent
[x] You enjoy learning
[x] You're raised in a very traditional way
[ ] You hardly show emotions
[x] You're a morning person
[ ] You don't like people who sleep around a lot
[ ] You don't like the dark
[x] You're hard on yourself when you fail
Total: 6
Dark Elemental
[ ] You always say what's on your mind.
[ ] You're a night person
[ ] You like having sex/like the idea of sex
[ ] You don't like mornings
[ ] You don't like happy-go-lucky people
[ ] You argue with people a lot
[ ] You laugh at stupid people
[ ] You hold on to grudges
[ ] You love scary stories
[ ] You're often found in dark places, like under a shade, beneath a blanket, etc.
Total: 0
Nature Elemental
[x] You love animals and nature
[x] You love being outdoors
[x] You're somewhat gullible
[x] You're shy around new people
[x] You're very understanding/a good listener
[x] You forgive easily
[x] You're not a good fighter
[ ] You don't like eating meat
[x] You protect what you hold most dear
[x] You love drinking water
Total: 9
Water Elemental
[x] You're a good swimmer
[ ] You love fish
[x] You're very curious
[x] You like to explore
[x] You day dream a lot
[x] You don't usually like to talk
[x] You like doing things by yourself
[x] You like to imagine things for your amusement
[x] You're open minded
[ ] You like things to stay the same
Total: 8
Fire Elemental
[ ] You have a bad temper
[ ] You love hearing gossip
[ ] You like to fight
[x] You're kind of slow sometimes
[ ] You're attracted to the 'bad boy/girl'
[x] You have a strong sense of justice
[ ] You'd beat up someone if they hurt your friends
[x] You're also gullible
[ ] You like to see things burn
[ ] You hate swimming/water
Total: 3
Wind Elemental
[x] You're very easy-going
[x] You're somewhat lazy
[x] You love to laugh and make jokes
[ ] People think you're immature
[ ] You tend to be a skeptic
[ ] You're very competitive
[x] You love getting new things
[x] You live everyday fully
[x] You love riding with the window down
[x] You enjoy having a large group of friends
Total: 7
Thunder Elemental
[ ] You tend to blow up when you're mad
[x] You like things to be unpredictable
[ ] You like to live dangerously
[ ] You love having competitions, contests etc.
[ ] You love coming up with impossible scenarios
[ ] You like being the center of attention
[x] You love thunderstorms
[ ] You tend to only want a tight knit group
[ ] You don't trust others easily
[ ] You don't forgive easily
Total: 2
Ice Elemental
[x] You don't express yourself very well
[ ] You like winter better than summer
[x] You don't need/wear heavy coats during the winter
[ ] You tend to be sarcastic sometimes
[x] You're sometimes a loner
[x] You tend to keep to yourself
[x] It's hard for people to get close
[x] When someone does though, you tend to stick with them no matter what
[ ] You enjoy reading and other "one" person activities
[ ] You can be 'cold' when someone's upset
Total: 6
I'm most likely to be a... Nature-elemental? Why does that not surprise me? XD
greenery, though I'm sure he won't mind~Light Elemental
[x] You're proud of who you are
[x] You state your opinion
[ ] You think you're intelligent
[x] You enjoy learning
[x] You're raised in a very traditional way
[ ] You hardly show emotions
[x] You're a morning person
[ ] You don't like people who sleep around a lot
[ ] You don't like the dark
[x] You're hard on yourself when you fail
Total: 6
Dark Elemental
[ ] You always say what's on your mind.
[ ] You're a night person
[ ] You like having sex/like the idea of sex
[ ] You don't like mornings
[ ] You don't like happy-go-lucky people
[ ] You argue with people a lot
[ ] You laugh at stupid people
[ ] You hold on to grudges
[ ] You love scary stories
[ ] You're often found in dark places, like under a shade, beneath a blanket, etc.
Total: 0
Nature Elemental
[x] You love animals and nature
[x] You love being outdoors
[x] You're somewhat gullible
[x] You're shy around new people
[x] You're very understanding/a good listener
[x] You forgive easily
[x] You're not a good fighter
[ ] You don't like eating meat
[x] You protect what you hold most dear
[x] You love drinking water
Total: 9
Water Elemental
[x] You're a good swimmer
[ ] You love fish
[x] You're very curious
[x] You like to explore
[x] You day dream a lot
[x] You don't usually like to talk
[x] You like doing things by yourself
[x] You like to imagine things for your amusement
[x] You're open minded
[ ] You like things to stay the same
Total: 8
Fire Elemental
[ ] You have a bad temper
[ ] You love hearing gossip
[ ] You like to fight
[x] You're kind of slow sometimes
[ ] You're attracted to the 'bad boy/girl'
[x] You have a strong sense of justice
[ ] You'd beat up someone if they hurt your friends
[x] You're also gullible
[ ] You like to see things burn
[ ] You hate swimming/water
Total: 3
Wind Elemental
[x] You're very easy-going
[x] You're somewhat lazy
[x] You love to laugh and make jokes
[ ] People think you're immature
[ ] You tend to be a skeptic
[ ] You're very competitive
[x] You love getting new things
[x] You live everyday fully
[x] You love riding with the window down
[x] You enjoy having a large group of friends
Total: 7
Thunder Elemental
[ ] You tend to blow up when you're mad
[x] You like things to be unpredictable
[ ] You like to live dangerously
[ ] You love having competitions, contests etc.
[ ] You love coming up with impossible scenarios
[ ] You like being the center of attention
[x] You love thunderstorms
[ ] You tend to only want a tight knit group
[ ] You don't trust others easily
[ ] You don't forgive easily
Total: 2
Ice Elemental
[x] You don't express yourself very well
[ ] You like winter better than summer
[x] You don't need/wear heavy coats during the winter
[ ] You tend to be sarcastic sometimes
[x] You're sometimes a loner
[x] You tend to keep to yourself
[x] It's hard for people to get close
[x] When someone does though, you tend to stick with them no matter what
[ ] You enjoy reading and other "one" person activities
[ ] You can be 'cold' when someone's upset
Total: 6
I'm most likely to be a... Nature-elemental? Why does that not surprise me? XD
Oh god I'm-a Youtube-in'...
Posted 13 years agoAnd yet I still refuse to make a Facebook page. XD
Anyway, long story short-- 95% of my 3DS friends have their mitts on New Super Mario Bros. 2. One of the "main" goals in that game is to score one million coins. Since I couldn't join in on the challenge, I decided to do one of my own in a different game. One which, you probably all know, I've been playing to death.
Thaaat's right. I took it upon myself to get one million coins in Dillon's Rolling Western. :3
It took about a month's effort of playing on and off-- I didn't want to rush through the challenge and get bored with the game. Safe to say that it worked, because even after having finished the challenge I still want to keep playing that freaking game! But I digress. I filmed myself playing through the "million-dollar mission", and I managed to upload it to my new Youtube account about a day or two ago.
Long story short, I thought I'd show it off here as well.
The first part is below. The vid has annotations linking to the rest of the parts-- four in all. However, if you do plan to watch (which would make me feel elated beyond belief), beware of three things:
* My meek, dorky, thick-accented voice that trips over words often...
* Said voice yelling in excitement causing raping of the ears...
* Possible spoilers of the "endgame"...
And now, without further ado... I present Dillon's Million-Dollar Mission!
I won't hold my breath, but depending on the reception I may or may not start a third file and make a Let's Play of this game. Eventually. :B
That's all for now. Thanks for tuning in, everyone! Much love and peace to you all! <3
Anyway, long story short-- 95% of my 3DS friends have their mitts on New Super Mario Bros. 2. One of the "main" goals in that game is to score one million coins. Since I couldn't join in on the challenge, I decided to do one of my own in a different game. One which, you probably all know, I've been playing to death.
Thaaat's right. I took it upon myself to get one million coins in Dillon's Rolling Western. :3
It took about a month's effort of playing on and off-- I didn't want to rush through the challenge and get bored with the game. Safe to say that it worked, because even after having finished the challenge I still want to keep playing that freaking game! But I digress. I filmed myself playing through the "million-dollar mission", and I managed to upload it to my new Youtube account about a day or two ago.
Long story short, I thought I'd show it off here as well.
The first part is below. The vid has annotations linking to the rest of the parts-- four in all. However, if you do plan to watch (which would make me feel elated beyond belief), beware of three things:
* My meek, dorky, thick-accented voice that trips over words often...
* Said voice yelling in excitement causing raping of the ears...
* Possible spoilers of the "endgame"...
And now, without further ado... I present Dillon's Million-Dollar Mission!
I won't hold my breath, but depending on the reception I may or may not start a third file and make a Let's Play of this game. Eventually. :B
That's all for now. Thanks for tuning in, everyone! Much love and peace to you all! <3
The sky's lookin' a little red...
Posted 13 years agoAnd there's nary a Grock in sight. Something's wrong. D:
...I'm just feeling kind of bleh right now. Not really my usual self. I take a good look at my art and can't help a smile. I love my hobby, I love my skill where it is right now (though I always strive to improve on my own), and I enjoy whatever wacky ideas my mind churns out. Still, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm starting to think that not many people like what I sketch up (well, whenever I do sketch something, I know my procrastination is a huge weakness of mine), especially what comes out of my kooky imagination... which is usually really for my own self-amusement, anyway.
Maybe I just haven't found a good way to get my name out there, even after all these years. Heh, perhaps I'm even looking in all the wrong places. Still, I do like it here.
Forgive this little rant, I'm not one to be all down and out like this. I just feel like I have no sense of direction right now. Where's a treasure chest with a dungeon map when you need one? XD
That's enough out of me for now, unless you guys want to chime in. In which case I'll do my best to reply.
In the words of the Subrosians: "Do whatever!"
...I'm just feeling kind of bleh right now. Not really my usual self. I take a good look at my art and can't help a smile. I love my hobby, I love my skill where it is right now (though I always strive to improve on my own), and I enjoy whatever wacky ideas my mind churns out. Still, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm starting to think that not many people like what I sketch up (well, whenever I do sketch something, I know my procrastination is a huge weakness of mine), especially what comes out of my kooky imagination... which is usually really for my own self-amusement, anyway.
Maybe I just haven't found a good way to get my name out there, even after all these years. Heh, perhaps I'm even looking in all the wrong places. Still, I do like it here.
Forgive this little rant, I'm not one to be all down and out like this. I just feel like I have no sense of direction right now. Where's a treasure chest with a dungeon map when you need one? XD
That's enough out of me for now, unless you guys want to chime in. In which case I'll do my best to reply.
In the words of the Subrosians: "Do whatever!"
Holy crap, an update?!
Posted 13 years agoI'll try to keep it brief. My head is throbbing right now.
Basically, I finally got off my lazy rump and, with the help of my brother-in-law, started doing some volunteer work at a local community center. I mainly spend my time helping and hanging out with the seniors there. Well, thus far. I do my best to pitch in on other duties, such as serving lunch to everyone and helping the more computer-illiterate people with their technical troubles.
It's something to help get me started, at least. It's a generally feel-good experience as well, which is a plus!
...
...I just need to come up with a sleep schedule that doesn't utterly destroy me after all's said and done. *collapses*
Basically, I finally got off my lazy rump and, with the help of my brother-in-law, started doing some volunteer work at a local community center. I mainly spend my time helping and hanging out with the seniors there. Well, thus far. I do my best to pitch in on other duties, such as serving lunch to everyone and helping the more computer-illiterate people with their technical troubles.
It's something to help get me started, at least. It's a generally feel-good experience as well, which is a plus!
...
...I just need to come up with a sleep schedule that doesn't utterly destroy me after all's said and done. *collapses*
Disregard this Journal, please!
Posted 14 years agoReally, there's nothing to see here. I just want to get rid of that huge one that was obstructing my front page.
Ramble and Update
Posted 14 years ago[This journal is divided into two sections. Look for the break lines in between each one if you wish to skip any of them.]
~Mind Pond~
(These journals are used to empty my mind and what it's thinking. They could be tranquil thoughts, or raging venting. Sometimes they can even be the calm before the storm.
Regardless, these tend to be very long, so readers... beware of falling bricks.)
So I've come to the conclusion that I'm not doing very much with my life, aside from college. That's fine for the moment, though. At least, until I finally perk up the cojones to face people and obtain employment.
...You know, I can never stop going on about how blessed I am to have the friends I've come to know and love. I think about them every day and the time I've met each of them...
From way back in late 2001, when the MSN Chats were free and popular (and existent)...
From my "triumphant" return in 2005, the good ol' days of The Yoshi Forum Network and The Blue Castle (before these wonderful forums were hacked by no-life jerks)...
From the day I've joined deviantArt (and to a lesser extent, FurAffinity)...
Leading up to now...
You guys know who you are.
Despite my lack of communication skills and apprehension to approach people, I've always cherished each and every one of them, through the good times as well as the bad. I've cherished them, as well as the memories we've made.
And here I stand, wondering... What is it truly about me that these wonderful people like about me? What compels them to still be friends with someone as lazy, indecisive and idealistic as I am?
I can't help asking these questions from time to time. There are days where I would like to seek answers, but eventually I discard them and cherish what I have. Does that make me an ignoramus or a goodie-two-shoes?
Regardless, I look back at these memories I've made with my friends, and I find myself smiling every time. It eases my mind from wondering what I can do to strengthen these friendships, because I know I've built them sturdily. What I need to do is continue to support them, preventing them from crashing down.
I love you guys, one and all. I won't forget about any of you for as long as I live.
~Update Journal~
(Self-explanatory. These can still end up being very long due to the lack of frequent updates.)
Okay, now for a few updates.
I'm enrolled (for lack of a better term) in Veteran Affairs. I'm attending therapy sessions in an attempt to overcome my social anxiety. Whether it will work or not depends on me, for the most part. We'll see what happens from here on out.
A good friend of mine (though more of a childhood friend of a good friend of mine) gave me a Motorola Backflip Android-powered phone out of the blue. It used to be his old one before he upgraded. Unfortunately, the service plan I have on my own phone right now is incompatible with Android phones, so I ended up rooting the thing and getting it working without a SIM card.
So if I play my cards right, I'll have a great music player that also doubles as a multimedia device for playing games and running other various applications. (All I need is a sufficiently-sized microSD card; this 2-Gigger ain't doing very much. I'm looking to saving up for a 16-Gig.) Pretty much anything except for phone service. Which is perfectly fine with me. I thanked him, but I'm unsure if he got that message, so next time I see him I'll have to give 'im a big hug. Whether he likes it or not. ^_^
College life is challenging, but copiable. I'm in school pretty much all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as some of you already know. I haven't found a room where I can sketch and draw to my heart's content, but I'm doing fine otherwise. Speech class is still quite unnerving, however.
If it isn't school that's taking my online time away, it's those ever-addicting Nintendo games. Right now I'm playing Fire Emblem; I recently cleared Lyn's story on Hard mode, and I figured I would keep going through Hector's story, which I hadn't done. I'm also playing through Pokémon HeartGold, because I didn't want to reset my SoulSilver card. That one's more of a time killer, though. Still, I got a shiny Togepi out of it, so I'm happy. I'm also trying to play through Super Paper Mario. I just entered Chapter 3 on that one. I pretty much know all too well what people's reactions are about this installment in the series, but I'm personally enjoying every minute of it.
I'm also playing a helluva lot of Mario Kart Wii lately. The invitation is open for people who'd like to play on Wi-Fi with me. Check my journal history for one containing Friend Codes if you haven't added my code. I'm usually available any time except for Tuesdays and Thursdays (for obvious reasons). If I were to describe myself, I'd be a junior star with a Two-Star Rank who enjoys variety and mayhem, and always plays on Automatic. Not that it's important to know that, but I'd rather separate myself from people who drift to win using Funky Kong or Daisy. (Which is a shame, really; Funky K. is one of my favorite characters to play as.)
Anywho...
Speaking of Paper Mario, I created another character inspired by the series! Like most newcomers, I'm growing rather attached to him. I'll have to showcase him and some of his companions sometime.
That's pretty much it for another installment of my obscenely long journals. I do apologize. Perhaps if I updated these more often, they wouldn't be as long...
...
...Naaah, they'd still be pretty long. I'm so very sorry. ^.-.^;
See you later, everyone! Have a good rest of February!
~Mind Pond~
(These journals are used to empty my mind and what it's thinking. They could be tranquil thoughts, or raging venting. Sometimes they can even be the calm before the storm.
Regardless, these tend to be very long, so readers... beware of falling bricks.)
So I've come to the conclusion that I'm not doing very much with my life, aside from college. That's fine for the moment, though. At least, until I finally perk up the cojones to face people and obtain employment.
...You know, I can never stop going on about how blessed I am to have the friends I've come to know and love. I think about them every day and the time I've met each of them...
From way back in late 2001, when the MSN Chats were free and popular (and existent)...
From my "triumphant" return in 2005, the good ol' days of The Yoshi Forum Network and The Blue Castle (before these wonderful forums were hacked by no-life jerks)...
From the day I've joined deviantArt (and to a lesser extent, FurAffinity)...
Leading up to now...
You guys know who you are.
Despite my lack of communication skills and apprehension to approach people, I've always cherished each and every one of them, through the good times as well as the bad. I've cherished them, as well as the memories we've made.
And here I stand, wondering... What is it truly about me that these wonderful people like about me? What compels them to still be friends with someone as lazy, indecisive and idealistic as I am?
I can't help asking these questions from time to time. There are days where I would like to seek answers, but eventually I discard them and cherish what I have. Does that make me an ignoramus or a goodie-two-shoes?
Regardless, I look back at these memories I've made with my friends, and I find myself smiling every time. It eases my mind from wondering what I can do to strengthen these friendships, because I know I've built them sturdily. What I need to do is continue to support them, preventing them from crashing down.
I love you guys, one and all. I won't forget about any of you for as long as I live.
~Update Journal~
(Self-explanatory. These can still end up being very long due to the lack of frequent updates.)
Okay, now for a few updates.
I'm enrolled (for lack of a better term) in Veteran Affairs. I'm attending therapy sessions in an attempt to overcome my social anxiety. Whether it will work or not depends on me, for the most part. We'll see what happens from here on out.
A good friend of mine (though more of a childhood friend of a good friend of mine) gave me a Motorola Backflip Android-powered phone out of the blue. It used to be his old one before he upgraded. Unfortunately, the service plan I have on my own phone right now is incompatible with Android phones, so I ended up rooting the thing and getting it working without a SIM card.
So if I play my cards right, I'll have a great music player that also doubles as a multimedia device for playing games and running other various applications. (All I need is a sufficiently-sized microSD card; this 2-Gigger ain't doing very much. I'm looking to saving up for a 16-Gig.) Pretty much anything except for phone service. Which is perfectly fine with me. I thanked him, but I'm unsure if he got that message, so next time I see him I'll have to give 'im a big hug. Whether he likes it or not. ^_^
College life is challenging, but copiable. I'm in school pretty much all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as some of you already know. I haven't found a room where I can sketch and draw to my heart's content, but I'm doing fine otherwise. Speech class is still quite unnerving, however.
If it isn't school that's taking my online time away, it's those ever-addicting Nintendo games. Right now I'm playing Fire Emblem; I recently cleared Lyn's story on Hard mode, and I figured I would keep going through Hector's story, which I hadn't done. I'm also playing through Pokémon HeartGold, because I didn't want to reset my SoulSilver card. That one's more of a time killer, though. Still, I got a shiny Togepi out of it, so I'm happy. I'm also trying to play through Super Paper Mario. I just entered Chapter 3 on that one. I pretty much know all too well what people's reactions are about this installment in the series, but I'm personally enjoying every minute of it.
I'm also playing a helluva lot of Mario Kart Wii lately. The invitation is open for people who'd like to play on Wi-Fi with me. Check my journal history for one containing Friend Codes if you haven't added my code. I'm usually available any time except for Tuesdays and Thursdays (for obvious reasons). If I were to describe myself, I'd be a junior star with a Two-Star Rank who enjoys variety and mayhem, and always plays on Automatic. Not that it's important to know that, but I'd rather separate myself from people who drift to win using Funky Kong or Daisy. (Which is a shame, really; Funky K. is one of my favorite characters to play as.)
Anywho...
Speaking of Paper Mario, I created another character inspired by the series! Like most newcomers, I'm growing rather attached to him. I'll have to showcase him and some of his companions sometime.
That's pretty much it for another installment of my obscenely long journals. I do apologize. Perhaps if I updated these more often, they wouldn't be as long...
...
...Naaah, they'd still be pretty long. I'm so very sorry. ^.-.^;
See you later, everyone! Have a good rest of February!
The Game of Life!
Posted 15 years agoFirst off, salutations to everyone! How's everyone been? Don't be shy; we're all here to talk today. Share your thoughts and feelings. :3
Next, I would like to apologize for my lack of activity lately. I know, I can't apologize enough for that. ^^;
Now, I'm just one deviation away from hitting the big 200th over on dA. I wanted my Friend Portrait, that thing I promised to a few people, to be my 200th, so I haven't been submitting anything. Then again, I haven't been drawing very much lately, either. I don't know if there's a valid reason for that.
I've seriously been lacking in proactivity of any sort lately. Classes are starting back up for me on Tuesday the 18th, so I'd better hustle. Last year was one hell of a roller-coaster for me, experiencing many ups and downs as I kept on truckin' with life, accepting whatever it threw at me. Whether it was good or bad, I just absorbed every hit.
It's a miracle I'm still standing today, in all honesty.
But enough of that. I must work harder than ever if I want to succeed in this game of skill and chance. That means I have to change up my daily schedule, switching things up here and there. For instance, I must step away from my comfort zone and start being more proactive in schoolwork and my artistic abilities, not to mention social prowess. That said, I won't mention my plans on seeking employment, because that's still a huge hurdle for me to jump over. As absurd as that sounds to most of you with an upright head...
I also plan to delve into a few new territories in the artsy department, some of which I'll leave up in the air for you to interpret and imagine. X3 It's going to be interesting, and I'm going to require a lot of patience.
Art, as much as I love it, tears me apart. Whether it's sketching, writing fiction, or working on more hands-on things like perler beads, I'm always the man who can never finish anything. I have so many ideas, fantasies and desires, but I can never bring them to fruition, at least to the point where I can call it complete and be proud of it. Hell, I look at the work I do-- my art--, I admire it very much, but I'm unable to pick out a single piece that I'm truly proud of. Sure, I've improved since I begun my account here and on deviantArt (hell, even before that!), but to what extent? Nothing I've done strikes out to the hearts of their viewers.
Until the day in which I can break the cycle, I shall keep working hard doing the thing I love the most-- drawing Nintendo-inspired fan art and fantasies from my imagination. I don't think I'll ever stop doing that, as much as people may dislike it.
I apologize for the rant. My ADD always gets the best of me when I write journals. ^^;
(I'm not advertising my condition for sympathy, by the way; it really does get in the way of things. If anything, I just laugh it off.)
In other random news, I extended my music collection world-wise in getting a hold of a nifty soundtrack from the Finnish band Hevisaurus [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hevisaurus ], a power metal band for kids that features dinosaurs playing metal instruments. I have to say, it's impressive enough that a band like this exist for the kiddies, but their music is nothing short of amazing. Of course, being metal, I'd say it's an acquired taste.
Not to mention, it's Finnish, so I can't really understand what they're saying. Hehe! Nevertheless, I still enjoyed their Jurahevin Kuninkaat album, the one I snagged, thoroughly.
That's all I have to report for the moment. ¡Hasta luego! ^.-.^
Next, I would like to apologize for my lack of activity lately. I know, I can't apologize enough for that. ^^;
Now, I'm just one deviation away from hitting the big 200th over on dA. I wanted my Friend Portrait, that thing I promised to a few people, to be my 200th, so I haven't been submitting anything. Then again, I haven't been drawing very much lately, either. I don't know if there's a valid reason for that.
I've seriously been lacking in proactivity of any sort lately. Classes are starting back up for me on Tuesday the 18th, so I'd better hustle. Last year was one hell of a roller-coaster for me, experiencing many ups and downs as I kept on truckin' with life, accepting whatever it threw at me. Whether it was good or bad, I just absorbed every hit.
It's a miracle I'm still standing today, in all honesty.
But enough of that. I must work harder than ever if I want to succeed in this game of skill and chance. That means I have to change up my daily schedule, switching things up here and there. For instance, I must step away from my comfort zone and start being more proactive in schoolwork and my artistic abilities, not to mention social prowess. That said, I won't mention my plans on seeking employment, because that's still a huge hurdle for me to jump over. As absurd as that sounds to most of you with an upright head...
I also plan to delve into a few new territories in the artsy department, some of which I'll leave up in the air for you to interpret and imagine. X3 It's going to be interesting, and I'm going to require a lot of patience.
Art, as much as I love it, tears me apart. Whether it's sketching, writing fiction, or working on more hands-on things like perler beads, I'm always the man who can never finish anything. I have so many ideas, fantasies and desires, but I can never bring them to fruition, at least to the point where I can call it complete and be proud of it. Hell, I look at the work I do-- my art--, I admire it very much, but I'm unable to pick out a single piece that I'm truly proud of. Sure, I've improved since I begun my account here and on deviantArt (hell, even before that!), but to what extent? Nothing I've done strikes out to the hearts of their viewers.
Until the day in which I can break the cycle, I shall keep working hard doing the thing I love the most-- drawing Nintendo-inspired fan art and fantasies from my imagination. I don't think I'll ever stop doing that, as much as people may dislike it.
I apologize for the rant. My ADD always gets the best of me when I write journals. ^^;
(I'm not advertising my condition for sympathy, by the way; it really does get in the way of things. If anything, I just laugh it off.)
In other random news, I extended my music collection world-wise in getting a hold of a nifty soundtrack from the Finnish band Hevisaurus [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hevisaurus ], a power metal band for kids that features dinosaurs playing metal instruments. I have to say, it's impressive enough that a band like this exist for the kiddies, but their music is nothing short of amazing. Of course, being metal, I'd say it's an acquired taste.
Not to mention, it's Finnish, so I can't really understand what they're saying. Hehe! Nevertheless, I still enjoyed their Jurahevin Kuninkaat album, the one I snagged, thoroughly.
That's all I have to report for the moment. ¡Hasta luego! ^.-.^
Ramblings of an old Yoshi-Dragon...
Posted 15 years agoHnngrh... Where do I start? *empties out the contents of his mind on a dissecting tray*
I've been feeling rather slow lately; I sincerely apologize for that. School's draining my energy and I haven't been feeling very productive in terms of hobbies and much of anything else. I'm doing rather decent in school; not particularly fantastic considering this is my first semester and I'm prone to slacking off and feeling uncreative... but decent enough to hopefully scrape by.
My sister's wedding is this Saturday, which wonderfully coincides with Midwest FurFest, which would be the first convention I'd go to if it weren't for the aforementioned event. Granted, I still have the choice to go there on Sunday, but considering Dad's flying in from Puerto Rico for the wedding and I rarely get to see him very often, it doesn't seem likely that I'll be going to the con.
My mind is racing all over the place, artistry-wise. I'd like to sketch something naughty (*blush*), but I don't have the right perception or skill to do so. I'd also like to round up all of my OCs for one big group picture or something, but that would most likely end up not getting even half-way finished. I'm not good enough for commissions, and I still have a backlog of requests (most of them self-brought) to get started on and/or finish up. I can never get anything I'd love to do finished, and I hate that about me.
But enough emo talk. I'm not one to feel that way (though sometimes it's unavoidable). Still, it's very hard to get motivated when so many things are being bombarded at once. I'd like to get this wedding business done and over with ASAP, I'd like to get my final essays finished up, and I'd like to go out and not be so awkward in front of people.
Buuuut none of that's getting done unless I quit bitching about trivial matters and just go with the flow of things. Not much else I can do.
Ah, well. *crams everything back into his mind* I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. ^_^;
I've been feeling rather slow lately; I sincerely apologize for that. School's draining my energy and I haven't been feeling very productive in terms of hobbies and much of anything else. I'm doing rather decent in school; not particularly fantastic considering this is my first semester and I'm prone to slacking off and feeling uncreative... but decent enough to hopefully scrape by.
My sister's wedding is this Saturday, which wonderfully coincides with Midwest FurFest, which would be the first convention I'd go to if it weren't for the aforementioned event. Granted, I still have the choice to go there on Sunday, but considering Dad's flying in from Puerto Rico for the wedding and I rarely get to see him very often, it doesn't seem likely that I'll be going to the con.
My mind is racing all over the place, artistry-wise. I'd like to sketch something naughty (*blush*), but I don't have the right perception or skill to do so. I'd also like to round up all of my OCs for one big group picture or something, but that would most likely end up not getting even half-way finished. I'm not good enough for commissions, and I still have a backlog of requests (most of them self-brought) to get started on and/or finish up. I can never get anything I'd love to do finished, and I hate that about me.
But enough emo talk. I'm not one to feel that way (though sometimes it's unavoidable). Still, it's very hard to get motivated when so many things are being bombarded at once. I'd like to get this wedding business done and over with ASAP, I'd like to get my final essays finished up, and I'd like to go out and not be so awkward in front of people.
Buuuut none of that's getting done unless I quit bitching about trivial matters and just go with the flow of things. Not much else I can do.
Ah, well. *crams everything back into his mind* I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. ^_^;
