Yup.

I've given up. I'm much too much a mess and way too scared of...hell, all of the things. I'm afraid nobody but Ceri can ever love me for me and get past my looks. Nobody takes me seriously most of the time. We tiny, scrawny things can be dominant too! I admit, I need to work on anger issues, but I have my reasons. I'm not going to stand for being abused any longer. I'm away from my father now and I am safe and happy.

I'm afraid I'd damage a real person too much, I enjoy some kinky, crazy things...but I'm worried I wont listen to my play partner and would be unable to stop, so I settle for not doing things IRL. I have a morbid sense of humor and often find a roadkill comical, in a way. Like in the summer, there's so many gophers that look like they were reaching out and asking for help and somehow, I find it amusing.

I do not want to be a victim ever again,nor do I want to make someone else into one. What is love, if it's not always being hurt, being wounded? The love Ceri and I share is what I wanted in a sibling all of my life, growing up. I just wish I didn't cry randomly for no reason...or curl up into a ball and not move/eat for days. What's wrong with me?

Being blind enough to need a guide dog is awesome fun too. I have to learn to trust the thing I hate most. I can tolerate them, mostly...now. But sometimes even canine fursuiters, if they try to put their muzzle near me, especially if it's opened, it triggers me, bad. I know, I know, not every dog wants to give me more scars for life....but I'm working at it! The little monsters here, I let them sit by me and sometimes on me now, I think that's progress.

Blah, random rant of stupid feels done.

I really want a 3ds so I can play x/y....I also waqnt one, probally y cuz...y eet ees for Yoska!

My pokesona would have to be an arcanine.

I've been looking at the newer pokemon, but my favorites consist of the eevee-lutions, I adore them all, Raichu, pursian, charizard, sandslash, feraligator, tirtouga, drillbur, arbok, seviper, zangoose, delibird, minccino, sawsbuck, litwik, druddigon, shinx, luxray, poochyena, mightyena, tauros, bouffalant, rapidash, spearow, pidgeoto, braviary, quilava, wooper, arcanine, grovyle, marshtomp, blazikin, houndour, houndoom, growlithe, delcatty, purugly, um...the piranha one and the shark thing... sharpedo, absol, terrakion, fennekin, talonflame, pyroar, gogoat, dandy trim or natural furfrou, meowstic, herdier, heliopetile, tyrunt, dedenne, noivern, yveltal.

Pretty much, if it's a weird little wussy water thingy ( like wooper, magicarp etc) a canid, vulpine, feline or an avian, I love it. Lizardy or dragonish are much loved too.

Hiyo,

Yes, I have seemingly vanished. If you knew me at all, you knew what I had been putting into motion. I am safe now. Me and are still housemates. I'm honestly too scared to be alone. I'm mostly over some of my past, but I sleep with a hunting knife in my hand, beneath my pillow each night. I sometimes have nightmares he will come for me.

A lot of changes happened while I was gone, Some good, some bad...like my living arrangements, my safety and wellbeing is way better now. I've dated, fallen in love and been crushed and broken. I've had the realization that...I would prefer a text based relationship. I do not want to see anyone in person, to hear their voice...just...rp based I suppose. I've been hurt way too much and it makes me crazy, I want to hurt them back...differently, but I don't. Maybe someday the relationship I want will evolve into something physical. Maybe not. I have also learned that I'm now way past legally blind. They officially 'stop' at 20/200 and can't go past but, guess what? My supah speshul eyes are a whopping 30/800. So I get cane training and will be on a list for a guide dog. Mush has been dead a while. I miss my little snakey, maybe, when I am over the heartbreak, I will love another scaly little cutie.

Things change, Ceri is here for me, always. I love my sis. ( She's my bestie, my 'sistah from another mother' if you will. )

Things have changed so much, I feel I need a new face. I've not yet decided, but I will be something...mixed again, most likely. I'll still draw the old Yoska from time to time, just for nostalgia's sake. I am a new person and trying to trust people again. It's a slow, hard road and yes, I am in therapy. I'd still rather glue myself to Ceri and either stay at home, or go places with her. By myself rarely happens because I suck.

So, yessiree, I am back.

XD

So I was cruising around and I stumbled upon  haemish! An awesome artist and...as usual with everyone, I'm assuming haemish is a female...so XD

She's awesome with drawing snakes and I love her style. She reminds me of my only pet that lived the longest, Mush. Mush...well, our vets weren't really into much more than cats, dogs and hamsters, so I never knew if he was really a he or not. I never really knew what type of snake he was either. I'm going with corn snake cuz he kinda looks like FinFang.

See, my old man would never admit too it, but Mush scared the shit outta him. He always made a wide berth around the cage when he came into my room. I guess I can be classified as sadistic in some way because I loved watching the way Mush swallowed mice or unwanted hamsters I got from the vet. Snakes are elegant in all they do, whether it be swallowing something, biting you because they are feeling grumpy or trying to cutely escape their cage and coils on your pillow cuz they missed you so much while you went away forever to school and didn't come home till dinner time!

 ceriphram Stoled from my besty :3



Bold are yes, regular text are no:

1. Smoked
2. Drank alcohol
3. Cried when someone died
4. Been drunk
5. Had sex
6. Been to a concert
7. Gotten/given a hand job
8. Gotten/given a blow job
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend
15. Been to prom. (With my very reluctant boyfriend of the time. XD It killed him.)
16. Cried at school
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room
21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house (Gay = not a 'real' guy in my female friend's parent's eyes. XD So I was trusted. Yay!)
23. Kissed a stranger
24. Hugged a stranger
25. Went scuba diving
26. Driven a car
27. Gotten an x-ray
28. Hit by a car
29. Had a party
30. Done serious drugs

31. Played strip poker/darts/basketball
32. Got paid to strip for someone
33. Run away from home. (Yup and now I'm safe. :3 )
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi
36. Bought porn
37. Watched porn
38. Made porn
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex
40. Been in love (I thought so at least...)

41. French kissed
42. Laughed so hard you cried
43. Cried yourself to sleep
44. Laughed yourself to sleep
45. Stabbed yourself accident
46. Shot a gun
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex
57. Dressed punk
58. Dressed goth
59. Dressed preppy
60. Been to a motocross race.

61. Avoided somebody
62. Been stalked
63. Stalked someone
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse
67. Cut yourself not on purpose
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a family member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 months or more.
85. Sat on your butt all day
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.

Well, things certainly are better now. I work at mcdonalds and I live with my best friend.  ceriphram

The bastard knows not where I am...he can't touch me anymore. :3 I am happy for the first time in a long while. I was always worried he'd find me...and try to hurt Ceph. But it's been a while and I'm here and I'm safe and I can try to have a real life now! Or as much a one a gay, antisocial-ish guy like me can have.

Ok...I just don't really like being all bouncy and chatty with people. I sit...and watch and maybe if you're lucky I'll say more than a few words.

But whoot! this is so different from angry rantings. XD

I stoled from:  ceriphram


YES OR NO.

NO EXPLANATIONS UNLESS SOMEONE COMMENTS AND ASKS.

THESE ARE THE RULES.

Kissed any one of your Furaffinity friends? — No
Been arrested? — Yes
Kissed someone you didn't like? — Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? — No
Fallen asleep at work/school? — Yes
Held a snake? — Yes
Ran a red light? — No
Been suspended from school? — Yes
Experienced love at first sight? — No
Totaled your car in an accident? — No
Been fired from a job? — Yes
Fired somebody? — No
Sung karaoke? — Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — Yes
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — Yes
Kissed in the rain? — No
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — Yes
Saw someone die? — Yes
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — No
Smoked a cigar? — No
Sat on a rooftop? — Yes
Smuggled something into another country? — No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — Yes
Broken a bone? — Yes
Skipped school? — Yes
Eaten a bug? — No
Sleepwalked? — Yes
Walked on a moonlit beach? — Yes
Ridden a motorcycle? — Yes
Dumped someone? — Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? — No
Lied to avoid a ticket? — No
Ridden in a helicopter? — No
Shaved your head? — No
Blacked out from drinking? — Yes
Played a prank on someone? — Yes
Hit a home run? — No
Felt like killing someone? — Yes
Cross-dressed? — Yes
Been falling-down drunk? — Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — No
Eaten snake? — No
Marched/Protested? — No
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — Yes
Puked on an amusement ride? — No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — Yes
Knitted? — Yes
Been on TV? — Yes
Shot a gun? — Yes
Skinny-dipped? — Yes
Given someone stitches? — No
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — No
Ridden a surfboard? — No
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — Yes
Had surgery? — Yes
Streaked? — No
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — Yes
Tripped on mushrooms? — No
Passed out when NOT drinking? — Yes
Peed on a bush? — Yes
Donated Blood? — No
Grabbed electric fence? — Yes
Eaten alligator meat? — No
Eaten cheesecake? — Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? — Yes
Peed your pants in public? — Yes
Snuck into a movie without paying? — Yes
Written graffiti? — No
Still love someone you shouldn't? — Yes
Think about the future? — Yes
Been in handcuffs? — Yes
Believe in love? — Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — No

Life is sucky at the moment. I want to kill something...

Most likely mister Feng, the ass that just keeps getting worse as I talk to more of his ex girlfriends who have honest to godly met him in the flesh.

I'm also in need of venting. I can't go anywhere for at least three days when I can cake on some damned coverup to cover...things.

Nobody listens to my side, ever...he and that mindless bitch who wont run to safety from him team up with his friends. I've been to jail multiple times because I 'attacked' him. Look at me, assbrains! I am a fucking scrawny shit and he's built like a linebacker. I would have to be the biggest, inbred moron to attack him.

I keep trying to persuade his bitch to leave, before he breaks bones and shit. Mommy was so sweet....she escaped the hell that was him and left me here. All alone and defenseless. Anywho, dumb bitch 'loves him and knows he loves her' and can't see he does not love her. She is a thing he can smack around, just like his demon spawn (yes...including me). Oh...yeah, except for his precious favorite who is just like him, in mini form. Yeah! Just what we need more of in this world, more of you, old man!

I guess it would help if I wasn't so mouthy. But it's the only thing he can't take from me, my opinions.

Might I add, Rawr! I am gei ans ifs I toouchez you, I infectez yew wiff meh gei-ness!

Meh...end ranty-thing I guess?

Caph babe... :3 I can start mailing some of my shit over now. XD

Ha, I know you know who I be talking about, m'kay?

This is a tiny little pre-rant. I got something bigger in the works and this time, Ceph is letting me post it. That's my sister from another mother,  ceriphram!!!!

A certain asshole tiger has been up to his old ways again. I guess a tiger can't change his stripes, eh? He thinks he's the one with the right to baaaw to the world about how he's just like his daddy!

Stop fucking telling girls you love them, you sick fuck! You don't know what love is, unless your definition is extremely sketchy. Love is not drooling like a great hairy ape over anything with an hourglass figure. Love is not telling every last girl how sexy or angelic they look....then tucking your tail and looking cute as you tell the girl you 'love' it's just role playing partners you're screwing around with.

You hurt Ceph the first time...but you couldn't leave her alone. Then you come back and do it more! She was starting to slip, to forgive you. You were getting just a bit of that trust back...and your ass blew it!

You can blame everyone and everything else, man. But you need to get real. It's YOUR fault. Aggression to the highest degree runs in my family. Sometimes my dad still beats me. Does that mean in the future if I am ever able to find a girl to rent her womb to me so I can have a kid, I'll blow up and beat my kid constantly? Fuck no! I am me, my own person. Yeah, I was abused...still am. That doesn't mean I'll do it.

Sex is like any other fucking addiction under the sun. It's a sickness, yes. You have to want to change! Ooo...or it will do nothing. No good if you don't want to be better. So go ahead, little pussycat tiger, go curl up on your bed feeling sorry for yourself. Get out there and make yourself better! Make a plan of action and grab the fucking bull by the damned horns...or get your nuts cut off so you can think clearly. :3

Lots of Love,
Yoska

From my bestie,  Ceriphram!!!!!!


1. Are you single or taken?
Single

2. Chocolate or flowers?
Both. Black or purpley roses and cadbury bunny eggs...shut up, that's what I likes! Or dove bars. Mmm....

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
0_o Yeah....I'll curl in my bed with the picture of my kitty who died and cry myself to sleep. I have nobody special in my damn life. Oh...and I get to work! Yay!

4.Do you like anyone?
I /DID/

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
Yeah...

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
Having him bound and spread, rose petals around him while I tease and torture his....well, you asked!

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
Fuck no, I boycott this shit!

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Yeah, a girl...who bawled when I told her I was gay. I felt like crap...but what can yah do?

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
I did...but i tore it to shreds. Each time I did, I killed it...he did something and my short bout of sweetness...my moment of wanting to express my love...it died a horrible, painful death.

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
Yeah, sure...I ate him. >:3

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
Feh! Like they give a rat's ass.

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
I made my own. Too bad I saved none! I should make some to put up here!

13. Do you like candy hearts?
Only purple ones.

15. Is Valentines depressing?
Yeah, when isn't it? It's the day he's 'forced' to make special.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
Don't care. I like to, cuz it bugs the shit out of people to see two guys holding hands...and heaven forbid, kissing/hugging!

17. How is your love life?
Love? What is that foreign object you speak of?

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
Um...gives me extra reason to hate it, yes?

19. How many roses would you want?
I made him spend his entire paycheck on mine.....because it's the only day I got flowers.

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next Valentines?
Why bother?