If you ever go to a link I give you go to this one. I read this and it made me cry so hard, even just thinking about it I tear up. The message this conveys is something we should all cling to and something I sometimes forget. It doesn't just apply to artists. it applies to everyone.

http://www.nettserier.no/_striper/j.....1304892000.jpg

This is seriously touching and has made nan impact on me. I hope it impacts you too.

YAY! I'm actually noticing lots of changes it's fantastic! Firstly my skin is super smooth. Girl skin is AMAZING. Oh and my acne is going away! Yeah almost no acne anymore. On top of that my fat is starting to redistribute noticeably... it looks kind of awkward but hey that's part of the process, it will balance out and look good eventually.

So yeah now my doses are doubled and I am on 4mg of estrogen instead of 2. I also went to tow and ordered new glasses the other day I really like them I'm curious to see what they look like with my tint in them.

Also my belt is wearing out. The belt I have had for 5 YEARS!!! So I have to look to find the same belt for sale as it's the best belt ever. If I find it I'm buying 3 or more Seriously most reliable belt EVER. OMG I love being a girl this is wonderous.

Oh also Dragon Age Origins is SO ADDICTIVE.

Also my birthday is coming up on August the 2nd... turning 21...yuck.

Edit: I ALSO PAID OFF MY CREDIT CARD!!!

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! I just got a "slight" promotion! It does not increase pay but it helps towards the BIG promotion I am waiting for so I can work as a SME.

I am now able to take supervisor calls from irrate customers who demand an escalation. Additionally one of the supervisors RECOMMENDED me for the SME position I applied for because I have taken up tons of responsabilities at work and because I work the same shift he does so I could give him guaranteed support whenever he needed it. SUPER awesome news.

OH and the better part. One of the most competative 1upers in the building who thinks the company LOVES him DIDN"T get the promotion and I was told I did RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM! He actually hung his head and whined to the supervisor about how he didn't get it. I'm not usually cruel like this but he drives me CRAZY!

So yeah things looking good for that second promotion to SME position. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I will tell you when to uncross them =^_^=

Also I'm sorry for being late on replies I'm SUPER BUSY I will start replying to all your lovely and muchly appreciated comments tonight. I really thank all of you for your continued support you're all so sweet.

PS: My boots seem to stomp better and louder when I'm happy =^_^=

So the other night I was waiting for my Taxi after work and caught a bit of Family Guy, the episode was Season 8 Episode 18 Titled "Quagmire's Dad" and I wanted to voice my opinion.

In this episode you find out that Quagmire's dad is a transexual.. Brian unknowingly sleeps with her which is fallowed by a scene of him throwing up for 45 seconds (literally) He is then quoted saying "They have to register and let us know when they move" Y'know like sex offenders. Now I don't like to be this person but it actually did upset me ALOT. Stuff like this is what makes it hard for me to transition, the way transgender people are viewed in media makes me feel gross and skews my self image.

After arguing with a bunch of christian biggots today over my rights I decided to research Seth MacFarlane's episode to see if there was any rectification or ANYTHING because this isn't the first time he has done this SPECIFICALLY to the TG community. Low and behold he said it was a "Sensative portrael" of the character and that a guy being sick after having sex with a TG girl is how boys are WIRED.

This disgusts me! The only comfort I get in any of this is that if you gogle the episode you get nothing but pages of people offended by it. Also if you haven't watched it don't tell me this is just how Seth is because it is truly an offenseive episode more so than usual and as stated he has done this to TG people in his show before.

This is the world I step into, a world where we are stereotyped as hagered looking chissel chinned females who are known as "it's" I'm just on an overload especially after just reading the plot of "Boys Don't Cry" am I scared of the world's reaction? Yes I am. and what's worse is I have talked to MULTIPLE councellors about this and BOTH of them brushed me off saying fear of violence is normal from someone with a past like mine.... I can't accept that!

Media *grumble grumble rage rage*

So guess what? 4 more days until my estrogen doses get doubled?! I'm both excited and dreading it because I know horrible mood swings will fallow. Hopefully I have learned enough self control. This whole process has taught me to be ALOT calmer.

Nothing has really happened in my life just the usual, waiting on word for the promotion and studying computer stuff.

I REALLY want to post about the most recent hormone effects but it's kind of...yeah. I can say one thing about hormones: My physical strength is going FAST. I can barely open containers and some things I used to be able to do before now make my muscles hurt.

ANyway....I know this is vague and I'll likely get into it on a VLog...maybe...I'm shy... but yeah. Hormones are making life odd. VERY odd. I hope they start making me look like a girl soon XD

So I am going to be on spuradically for a while. I am EXTREMELY busy. Currently I am working to get a promotion at work. Additionally I am studying for my Comptia A+ Exam which I am hoping to be able to take after Christmas. I am also working more hours for a while to try and get some extra cash flow so I can help with living expenses and lawyer fees. I WILL still be doing Vlogs so be sure to check them out if you are interested.

This isn't to say I won't be on just that if I don't respond for a while that's why.

So I have come to the conclusion that I actually do have an addiction and it is threatening to become a serious problem. I am addicted to sugar and sweet things. I just love them and will break personal rules nad boundries to have them. A nickle here a dime there. I just have an almost impossible time stopping myself. I'm in the sugar companies hands. Sugar is the drug that enslaves me their marketing is working on me and I need to break it. Or else I am going to gain weight and I cannot live with myself if I become too large.

Growing up I would snack all day as I had a high metabolism but now I don't and it kills me to watch TV and not snack it will nag at me constantly.

I need to find out how to resist these horrid cravings as with HRT it is going to cause SEVERE problems to my health and self image. I want to get this under control before it get's out of hand.

Does anyone have any advice on resisting cravings when they happen so often? This is a big deal for me so any help would be appreciated.

Hey I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a new Vlog up... as much as I LOATH my appearance I am really proud of the outcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEoD.....el_video_title

So yesterday I had a time... I had two goals.

1. Edit and upload a new blog
2. Get Final Fantasy IV to work on a DS emulator

So I recorded my vlog and downloaded it AVS Video Editor because it recieved good reviews and looked like Windows Movie Maker for XP (when it was actually good) However After I finished the entire project, total sum of 1 hour of work It WOULD NOT let me play any added audio with the credits. I spent 3 more hours trying to figure out why on earth the audio wouldn't play with the video. I watched 5 tutorials where I eventually came to the conclusion the program was a bust as I was doing everything correctly. So I uninstalled it all the while imagineing it was screaming and begging for it's digital life.

Later I installed an older version of the same program it was .75 versions lower (how big of a difference can that be) So I loaded my old project and it told me it was corrupt... so I started from scratch and low and behold suddenly my very common video format was not acceptable. So I uninstalled that also and gave up for the night. Currently I have A mac program "Something Pro X" that I have to try and install. I wan t to find a way to get the windows movie maker from windows XP to work. That was a FANTASTIC program.

So on to objective number 2. A simple emulator for a game, how hard can that possibly be. So I downloaded the emulator and ROM. Firstly the game wouldn't play so I had to edit some save file type thing which I did and yay I got the game going. Now just fullscreen and have a time. Wait, what's that. It can't full screen?! Oh no it can if you trick the program by loading a GBA game then fullscreening, and then loading a DS game and editing the save info. So I did that...and it didn't show the bottom screen which on a DS is quite essential in Final Fantasy because it was my FREAKING HEALTH!

So I gave up on that and went to bed.

Now the good news I am going to be studying for my Computer A+ certification. It's the basic certification to be a computer tech that's actually employable. I found a place that offers free online training you just have to go to a local college or University and pay to take the required test as it must be taken in person. I am really sick of working a dead end job despite how people think I am moving in the company I am not and likely will not and besides I don't want to spend my life on the phones. Plus if I have a certifiable skill getting  sultry back or if I DO have to move to America to be with her, this will make it easier.

Oh also. I need a better job because right now my paycheck is covering rent and that's it. Currently have to find a way to pay bills... This likely means I cannot take a taxi which means I will have to walk 1 and a half hours at 1:30am in the morning through the city to get home... which I'm not thrilled about. I have no idea how safe the communities I have to walk through are at that hour.

So as usual, a mixed bag of goods

My most Despised Foe

In the last weeks your numbers have increased more than tenfold easily. You have hindered my basic living by flying in front of my face and trying to rob me of any delicious fruit substance. I have taken measures to ensure your thievery has caused as little damage as possible however with your numbers growing and the sound of your happy buzzing I can no longer tolerate it This morning when one of you flew into my pants and sexually assaulted me I knew it was time.

This is a declaration of war, Nay a declaration of irreversable ]slaughter. I will annihilate you down to your very last being. I have flushed your breeding ground and base of operations with torrents of scalding hot water and disinfectants so you will never enjoy the ability to reproduce again. For those of you who do not fall prey to my deliciouse vinegar trap where you will drown in fumes I have cut all your major food sources so those fortunate enough to survive can enjoy the ]death of starvation.

This is a non-negotiable declaration of your unconditional slaughter. A holocaust on your species if you will. I will enjoy every second of your misery and I sincerely hope you all die fast

Sincerely
Alice.

So last night I got home and called my mother to say how great it felt to walk to and from work even though it's an hour and a half walk each way and that I was happy to be saving money. She told me how when I work late shifts that I should not be walking to work as I will be a target OR get hit by a car, we disagreed and I moved on. However she proceeded to say that taxi's are not that expensive, I said they were a luxury if I am capable of walking and she disagreed... I moved on again. My mother then said she is going to buy me paper plates because she doesn't believe I do dishes enough. I told her it's bad for the environment and that I am getting on set shifts so I will be able to do things like that, again we moved on. Then I burned the hamburger I was cooking and she told me to put a lid on my frying pan, I told her it was nearly done and that it wasn't splattering due to the low heat, she then decided to let me go cook food. I was so frustrated I said fine and we said goodbye and disconnected.

Upon disconnecting I freaked out and went off into a blind rage which left me kneeling at the foor of my bed with my head laying against my cat on the bed. It felt just like I was back home, trapped in their house under their constant ridicule... then it hit me something that I have somehow missed my WHOLE life yet I advised others on it.

My mother is a control freak who does not want me to function on my own. She has told me before that she is shocked i never moved back in with her. I am just now realizing that my mother really has no faith in my abilities and never really has. Anytime I did anything she would occasionally try and help but would criticise me. I had to fight to join any activities whereas my sister get's run all over the earth by them for all the things she is a part of. I am shocked I have never noticed this before.

So I have come to the conclusion that I need to rely on my family as LITTLE as possible. I may not be able to drive but I need to find alternatives. I am a perfectly capable human being and I have to stop letting their opinions of me insight rebellion or discouragement in me. It's time that I live my own life and if they don't like that then that is just too bad it's not their life. I am a grown women. I will not have my father's anger, I will not be like my mother I will be me. The real work starts now. It's time I stop living in their shadow and be the lady I have always dreamed of being. I feel so silly I haven't noticed this sooner.

Today is one of those days where I shouldn't really be online. I went to sleep and woke up to my hair not looking ANYTHING like it did when I got it cut... and I hve no idea to make it look even SLIGHTLY feminine like the hairdresser did. All in all it's a boys cut... which I told her I didn't want. and  sultry told her I didn't want...she is fully aware of my situation... I'm usually upset after a haircut but never for this long. Oh and when I was getting it she was telling me about this product that regrows hair, let me explain:

Basically what this product does is it blocks testosterone so that your receeded hair will grow back and stop receeding. So first off this is a shampoo and I have no idea HOW shampoo can block testosterone as I know this skin absorbtion thing is a HUGE pile of marketing BS. Furthermore my fiancee used to work there and they are trying ot market ME product... I found that offensive. I told her I dind't need it because I was on medication to block testosterone (that actually works) OH and another problem with her theory, if this shampoo actually did block testoserone do you think it would be a good idea? NO it would not be. It would make your testicles smaller, decrease your libido, AND reduce your facial and torso hair growth... GREAT IDEA HAIR DRESSERS Evidentally you did not major or even research science just cosmetology and marketing (I'm not making fun of all hair dressers just the ones at this salon I know not all of you are like this THANK GODS)

Then I'm walking home and I say "I'm going to get a slushie" So I got and buy one. This is how the conversation goes

Me: *sets slushie on the counter*
Cashier: Is that everything for today
Me: Yes
Cashier: would you like a lotto-Max with that?
Me: No

Now me on the inside was thinking: You just asked me if that was everything and when I say yes you ask if I want something else... WHAT KIND OF MARKETING EVEN IS THIS?!?!?! Seriously I didn't even catch how hilariously foolish this all was until I got out the door and replayed the conversation in my head (I do that alot)

So I ordered a wig to fix the hair problem and I will wear it unil my hair is accepptable.

Oh so after the appointment I am talking to a girl on facebook (huge mistake right there) and she is saying how my mood swings are nothing yet and how they will get much worse I'm thinking "How do you know you're not on hormones" She then tells me this phrase that ENRAGES ME "At least you won't have your period" Okay yes facebook lady you are right I won't have my period BUT BELIEVE ME I GET LOTS OF OTHER UNPLEASANTRIES! Then I list some of the issues I will have and she says: "Well you won't have the discomfort of constant breast growth and mammory glands" I got annoyed and told her I would and that transgender women's breasts are EXACTLY the same as genetic women. They even lactate AND have mammary glands. She then said "At least you won't have the discomforts of a natural vagina. EXCUSE ME!!! I WON'T you're right IT WILL BE WORSE I don't believe genetic women have to stint their vagina with a devise 3 times a day for 15 minutes each so their vagina doesn't close over! So that's where the conversation ended.... I don't think me and this person are friends anymore. I was pretty miffed.

Now TODAY I am at work and one of our agents criticises my voice. (I don't know what he said but he was a jerk)

Oh also... we are getting pay cuts. Yeah we are losing more time and more money due to not enough being broken...*sigh*

Anyway that's my rant I have a fun event coming up though on the pluus side for all of you. I'll update when I have more info.

Sorry for the rant. It's ust been a bad two days. Loads of excersice though. I walk to and from work which is an hour and a half walk each way.

Edit: and my kindle is no longer allowed at work... apparentally they are coming out with cameras in the kindle.... okay happy place destroyed.

Edit 2: I think people just don't know how to talk to transgender people and what upsets them.

Okay so I wanted to post this before I did it.

I am going to be posting my paypal account and accept donations to help with transition AND in turn Getting Sultry back. This donation address will be in my signature for journals so it will automatically post. If you cannot donate or don't want to just ignore it. I don't expect ANY of you to donate nor will I be offended if you donate $2 or less. I want to let all of you know this is COMPLETELY YOUR CHOICE and I WILL not judge the ammount donated whatsoever. So if you can only contribute a tiny ammount that's absolutely fine. If you cannot contribute that is seriously alright.

So that's that I just wanted to let you all know that so none of you feel uncomfortable.

Wow okay so hormones are hitting me like a ton of bricks and in this case it's not in a good way. I am so incredibly moody and quite frankly have been.... well, a bitch. One minute I am cheery and then someone says one wrong thing and I am SUPER offended and upset/angry. then the next I'm crying. It's out of control I don't even realize sometimes how stupid I am being.

Sadly  sultry has taken the brunt if not all of it for the last three days. It's been an absolute nightmare. I feel like one of those psycho wives that abuses and get's upset at their husbands for NO reason... kind of like Ray's wife from Everybody Loves Raymond...and EVERYONE HATES Ray's wife! I now understand why teenage girls are so obnoxiousely overemotional I mean here I am at 20 acting like one of those angry teen girls you see in sit-coms freaking out at their parents over the SMALLEST thing. It's really horrible.

I am told this is normal until my hormone levels kind of balance themselves out which won't happen for a bit as my dose get's doubled at the end of the month. I am really REALLY working on NOT being a bitch and hopefully I can have success. This mood swing thing is terrible.

Also this video made me cry so hard it was so adorable. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0-U.....pmVJ4&NR=1

And I'm not kidding I bawled my eyes out over it...

Also this is my FAVORITE animal it is so CUUUTE I tear up alot watching it it's called a "Tarsier"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuH48JW8XrU <----WATCH THIS VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .....please....

So an update on HRT. I am not quite at the week mark yet as I started last wednesday but I am already noticing some things, now some of them are likely just due to the increased confidence I have now that I am on HRT so I'll list them

1. Mood difference: I am having some pretty severe mood swings and they kind of scare me, I am working on getting them under control. One minute I will be chipper and the next I will be extremely angry over something so small. I also get my feelings hurt easier. Generally I feel softer if that is a descriptive word

2. Self confidence: I have alot more self confidence that isn't due to HRT it's just because I have made it this far and I finally feel like I am being recognised as a female and people are very accepting in general.

3. Hot flashes: This only happened once so far but I had a lengthy hot flash two nights ago which is a sign the hormones are working. I know this isn't in my imagination because I had NO idea hot flashes were a side effect I thought something was wrong until  sultry told me

4.Slight breast discomfort. It's not so much pain it's a dull ache occasionally. I am constantly aware of the feeling of my chest against my shirt above all else.

Anyway that's my update. I'm really happy with how things are going. I am going to go test my blood pressure tonight and make sure it's where it should be.

I also got put on set shifts at work as I need the consistancy. I will now work 5:30pm-2:00am and have wednesdays and thursdays off.

I don't know what is going on on FA lately maybe it's always been here and I am just now somehow being involved.

I keep seeing endless journals and get endless warnings saying "Beware of this user" I don't so much know why aside from art theft but I find these are people who have watched me for a long time and I find they have multiple accounts filled with shouts cheering for their ban. I also hear about this journal hack going around where you click a link and your account get's hijacked using javascript...

I'm not "worried" per say the journal thing is no big just more lulz fans likely but this whole avoid this person..these were people I had on my MSN ask to use my fursona... I have to say I'm kind of creeped out right now and this makes me even less trusting... I mean I was hesitant giving out my IM info before but now it's on lock down.

So today- no this week has been pretty impeccable. I am starting a jogging routine so that I can stay in shape and not gain too much weight from the Estrogen. I'm trying to form good habbits as this whole process is going to take alot of discipline especialy in voice training and exercise. Everyone has been really good about the whole thing. Old friends want to have "ladies night" and have me over. I have had multiple offers for shopping adventures. As far as feeling different I definitely do. It's really hard to explain and it could just be a placebo effect but i feel more gentle and soft. I have alot more patience and I seem to appreciate everything in a different way. I notice things more like how I carry myself or how things feel. But again it could be a placebo effect who knows. Won't know for sure until the end of the month or furter down the road. Hormones are different for everyone.

I get absolutely giddy and count minutes when it comes time to take my pills. It's the highlight of my day. It's like taking a step forward. That's pretty much how it is for things so far everyone has been very supportive and is treating me like a female which makes me extremely happy. I don't want loads of attention but ot be treated like a normal girl feels better than I could have imagined. I am amazed at everyone's posative attitude. Though I still understand when people slip up who have known me for a while. They still have a few months to get used to it XD

Oh and this morning I sold 3 swords so to treat myself I went to EB Games where there was a sale on gamecubes. I bought a gamecube and barrowed Legend of Zelda Master Quest which I intend to beat with only 3 hearts.

OH double news in the coming season I am strongly considering joining fencing as it provides everything I need, reflexes and excersize to work on being slim and fast. So that is my news

Hope to talk to you all soon *hugs*

So an update is due. Yesterday I went to our Neighboring Province and sawthe Endocrinologist. It was a hectic trip, we almost didn't make it but thanks to my phone (HTC Desire HD) having a GPS we found it. I had to practically run through the busy hospital halls dodging patients to make it to the 7th floor. I made it and had to wait 2 hours to see the Doctor I was having a panick attack all the while (Go figure) So I was exausted, oh did I mention I was running on four hours sleep?

So I spoke with the doctors assistant and he took my blood pressure apparentaly my heart beat was 100 beats per minute but he could tell I was nervouse, perhaps by the shaking. So we talked made sure I don't do anything wreckless or have any history of various problems. Fortunately I aced it.

So The news that Ive been waiting for I finally heard it. I am on hormones and officially transitioning. It was so relieving. I was so happy I could barely talk to the doctors I was just so shocked. Going home I was a whirlpool of emotions but they leveled out to joy when I got back home and got my perscription filled. The pharmacist was extremely helpfull in filling it out. There was no judging nor at the hospital I was even addresed as Miss MacPhee which made me jump. Oh and better yet my hormones are fully covered by my medical insurance.

I got home and told my mother and she was nice about it. SHe is really giving it her best to be supportive. She doesn't know if Dad wants to talk to me anymore but y'know after all I went through it seems so petty. If he doesn't want to talk to me in the end that's his choice. I'll live either way. I will be Miss MacPhee with or without him.

So...12 hours until I leave for the next province over so I can see the good doctor about starting HRT... I'm TERRIFIED. I want to cry, scream, hide, and throw up... well more cry and throw up than anything. Also bare in mind while reading this I have always been prone to panick attacks so I may overexaggerate accidentally.

I don't know if it is normal to be terrified to the extent I am before going on HRT but I am freaking out. All the worries in the world are rushing thorugh my head. Mostly the fact that I will lose certain male abilities... mostly just of the erotic nature. Also viagra is not an option because I KNOW someone is gong to suggest it. Sultry says she's fine with it all and I believe her... I'm just scared... This is what I've wanted for so long and now that I am approaching it I'm fighting not to run the other way...

I guess to get down to it, I mean there is 2 days left until I start HRT. I have had signifficantly insufficient counseling as in MAYBE 6 appointments so I have not really gotten to speak with my therapist about my fears, well actualy I did once but she kind of blew them off... it seems therapists like to do that.

I guess what scares me the most is the fear of violence, more from men but either way violence in general. I've lived a life filled with lots of abuse and a great deal of violence. I have often had to fight to be able to exist in the school system. Fortunately despite being skinny I was always strong and that faithful surge of adrenaline would make me able to do unfeasable things. So for someone to tell me "Oh you won't experience violence" I don't want to hear from you because you're wrong. If there is one thing I know is a constant in life it's violence. When words fail people they throw fists to prove their point.

Rape and sexual abuse, another fact of life that I know exists and HRT will make me lose significant strength. Meaning I'm even MORE vulnerable to such things. I've been luck to get out of situations twice before but will I make a third? Honestly strength is the ONLY thing that I like about being male, knowing that no matter what happens I can summon up a burst of energy and do whatever is necessary... Maybe as a transgendered female on HRT I will still be able to do that but I hear almost ALL TG women talking about their significant loss of strength, and it's not hard to find violent crimes committed against TG women that they didn't get out of.

Then of course theres the lack of acceptance in society in general. Family doesn't bother me at this point but the rest of the world.... There's more fears but I'm worn out thinking of them. I hear alot that people don't transition for these reasons often... and I can't blame them. I'm still teetering myself even with just 2 days until I get exactly what I've always wanted and here I am thinking of backing out over fear. Fear is a powerful thing especially when it is backed up by real posabilities.

Edit: Pepperspray, guns, tasers, and pretty much weapons of any kind are illegal i Canada before you give me advice falling under american law. Canada disarms it's civillians.

Edit 2: Here are canada's prohibited weapons http://www.cbsa-asfc.gc.ca/publicat.....-eng.html#P002

From now on, you can’t tell lies, are you ready?
...Yes

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
No

What do you carry with you at all times?
My phone

Are you a cuddler?
With VERY specific people/person

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
Nothing

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
 lacerta

How are you feeling?
Tired and upset

Is something wrong right now?
Yes but really nothing serious.

Are you mad at someone?
VERY

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
I don't really care looks only go so far.

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I got gift art from a wonderful person.

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
Dunno

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Yes

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
My father and  borys

Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
 sultry

Do you have anyone crushing on you?
I doubt it/hope not

When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
Last year.

Do you sleep with the TV on?
Not unless I accidentally fall asleep

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Thought about it, yes. Will do it, no.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Yes it was pleasant.

Are you jealous of someone right now?
...maybe...

Where is the person you like right now?
Texas

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Curry

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Being on my break time at work

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
Impossible to determine, face

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
When I was very young

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
Don't have a choice

Could you cry right now?
YES VERY EASILY

Are you okay with the life you live?
Yeah, I've got  sultry that's all I need.

Did you enjoy your day today?
No but I will

Do you have a tattoo?
No

Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
I don't think so

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
Yes

What was the last thing you spent money for?
Taxi to work

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Some guy with a broken antivirus program and cable routing problems

Do you call it fall or autumn?
Fall

11:11… Make a wish?
That Sultry will come home to me forever

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
 sultry

What were you up to at 9pm last night?
Working -_-;

Do you hold grudges?
No... I wish I could

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yes ONCE

What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
Why is this a question? How archaic. It's natural and it's the same as a heterosexual relationship

Who was your last text from?
:iconlacerta

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Definitely

One thing you’re looking forward to?
Going home and playing Chrono Trigger and going on HRT

Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
VERY

Has anyone ever called you sexy?
Yes....

What colour is your camera?
Black

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
I don't recall who that person is

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
....no

Are you wasting your time on someone?
No

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
Quite often.

By the way, what is your name?
My birth name is Randy but it will be changed to Alice

Are you currently in a relationship?
Most certainly

Do you give out second chances too easily?
Yes...

What color is your favorite hoodie?
I don't have one

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
DEFINITELY  sultry can have as many kisses as she wants.

*breathes deep* I'm super mad! So instead of whining about why I'll whine about various things that bother me

1.Telephone and Keyboard number pads:

Okay working at a callcenter I use the phone AND computer number pads. Now what bothers me is that they are INVERTED The phone has the 1 at the top right whereas the keyboard has it at the bottom right. I CANNOT BE FAST ON BOTH BECAUSE MY BRAIN CAN"T SEPERATE THEM!!! WHY WOULD SOMEONE SET IT UP LIKE THAT IT"S CRUEL!!!!

2.Facebook:

A million if not billion dollar site, a big cash cow that stores our data like big brother. Yet they can't even make it work anymore. Facebook breaks and breaks and breaks. So many unexcusable glitches. They have so much garbage script on the site it can't run right. Have they learned nothing from Internet Explorer, google chrome, and firefox. Downsize and your site will be faster (or browser) it's common sense!!!

3.Sony

I'm going to come out and say it I really don't like sony. Nothing against your PS3 (yet) but Sony as a company is disgusting. Like what kind of meeting was this "Let's get rid of backwards compatability on all systems released after this date" A BLATANT marketing SCAM to get people to buy systems FAST. Worst part is PEOPLE DID IT! Then after getting rid of backwards compatability they had the NERVE to re-release the games in their exclusive PS3 marketplace... worst part is PEOPLE BOUGHT THEM! THEN Sony get's hacked countless times exposing security leaks because NOTHING was encrypted... ugh That's enough about this I could go on. OH NO WAIT SONY EXCLUSIVE SD CARDS THAT ARE THE EXACT SAME AS REGULAR SD CARDS BUT JUST SLIGHTLY BIGGER IN PHYSICAL SIZE SO IT WON"T WORK IN ANYTHING BUT SONY CAMERAS!!!!!!!!!

4. Caffeine soap

Your body WILL NOT absorb the caffeine we ARE NOT FROGS. It takes a fair bit of time for anything to get through our skin if it was the case we would be DEAD

5. HD Sunglasses

Prepare for all caps: CONSUMERISM BS AT IT'S FINEST THESE WILL DO NOTHING WE DON'T SEE IN PIXELS WE CANNOT SEE IN "HD" THAT'S ABSURD IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO SEE IN HD IT'S A SCAM AND PEOPLE ARE FALLING FOR IT!!!

6. That girl working the supervisor desk RIGHT NOW

"Thank you for calling help desk my name is Blah blah how may I assist you" Umm...hi blah, blah... why so formal WE ARE COWORKERS I AM NOT A CUSTOMER I KNOW YOUR HIGH CHEERY VOICE IS FAKE JOY!!!! Then, no get this she says: "So you must be new here" "No Miss Blah blah I've been working here since September the 10th... I am often on the supervisor desk.... In fact I just told you that FIVE MINUTES AGO!!! YOU STARTED WORKING HERE 4 MONTHS AFTER ME!!! >:O

*falls over panting* I'm...so...angry.... I want to cry.... *curls up in a ball

EDIT: I am NOT upset about the things listed they frustrate me. I'm just venting because I am in a bad mood the thigns I am mentioning here are not related to my bad mood...except number 6 she isn't helping my mood DX

That is all

I feel kind of rejected today... not that I take it personally people just have stuff going on. My day has been spent roaming around the web looking for conversation and getting rejection after rejection. It's like having a door slammed in my face. I know so many people yet all the ones I have immediate contact with are busy. My Mistress just noted me and due to various reasons does not want me as a pet anymore. I'm slightly stung about it but nothing overwhelming, I was kind of expecting it. Besides most FA pet/master relationships are more show and false comforts anyway. Not all to those of you in serious circumstances I'm not insulting your situation I am saying most.

I guess it's just one of those days where I realize how vastly different we all are. From talking about art, to talking about love, second life, and sex toys.... some conversations better than others >.> but none lasting or going anywhere. Yes I am moping. I require a certain ammount of intelligant conversation to exist and I've been kind of not having conversation period.

Honestly the loneliness of not being with  sultry is starting to get to me... there are ups and downs and right now it's a down sadly. but hey I can't really complain, people have lives... just inconveniant everyone has a life at once on the same day.

Oh well, four more days until HRT...wooh!

Hey so one of my favorite artists  angryprncess is doing UBER cheap commissions. She is insanely good and for the price you are simply not going to beat it

Here's the journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:19490432

Be sure to check out her gallery.

I write this solely for my own pleasure as I am listening to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o691QJprdM

I reccomend listening to that song whilst you read this....

It's interesting that as children we are exposed to so much, us of the gaming generation. When I think of my childhood memories I think of a land of fantasy that was so vivid and real to me. Going to the neighbors to pretend we were our favorite game characters on adventures. The ideas we came up with were incredible. Such ordinary objects became truly extraordinary. A multicoloured ball became a world map, a stick became a sword and our minds gave us all we needed.

My world wasn't anything like the world I live in today. In my world any evil or corruption was struck down swiftly. People were willing to spend their lives to take a stand for the good of everyone and carve their name in history and everyone's hearts. There was no accepting your fate, it was a world of ideals where a single person could make a difference. A place where miracles happened to all the right people.

In my childhood I lived that and throuhg a screen. Traveling fields striking down monsters. It's fascinating when I picture myself at the age of 10 sitting there playin The Legend of Zelda or Final Fantasy. Traveling an imaginary world, making decisions and fighting for my ideals. It was like it was real. Even now at the age of 20 I have all those games engraved in my memory, I can play through every single aspect of them in my mind and feel that same rush.

Of course this sounds like nonsense to anyone who hasn't been gaming since they were 3 but that was my childhood. I was raised by that screen more than I was my parents. Which would explain why I have so much trouble comprehending the world we live in and the things that happen in it.Not to say I'm a fool I have certainly adapted to the world I live in. but my ideals, my views are very much the same as when I was a child.

I just wanted to write this as I am feeling a great deal of nostalgia right now and as I listen to that song all my hairs stand on end as I remember those days.

Thanks for reading. and sorry for sounding weird.

Also sorry for my delay in replies I've been really busy this is really my only free moment. I hope to have everything replied to by tonight =^_^=