The first public contact is going ahead , still looking for a place for the ET Embassy.
Contact Science Team is ready

Well my day became depressing when my AI music tracks were removed.because they provided you information about myself.The rules must have changed ..
Since Covid I have had less energy to create music from scratched and covid has fucked my singing voice up. and my back feels pain more, and setting up the music workspace is painful.... and so AI had made life easier ... until I go home

The first public contact is going ahead , still looking for a place for the ET Embassy.
Contact Science Team is ready

Well my day became depressing when my AI music tracks were removed.because they provided you information about myself.The rules must have changed ..
Since Covid I have had less energy to create music from scratched and covid has fucked my singing voice up. and my back feels pain more, and setting up the music workspace is painful.... and so AI had made life easier ... until I go home

<-- Life story and why I am on your planet

Does anyone know where I can upload the music music, its just I would be coming less often now that can't upload my music here that isn't done on the keyboard the long way(don't know when I would do music that way again...I hardly have much energy and time ... 9.5 year left to First Public Contact or sooner)

The Elohim have arrived
, they did not receive a decent welcoming , when the military wanted to "set them alight" , yes these are the exact words they used.Fortunately they are pacifists with advanced technology, the violent stupidity fell of ike water off a duck's back. They would like people to build an extraterrestrial embassy .
Orbs have been scanning people
so when there is a nuclear catastrophe, the rescue mothership is in the solar system and would be used to save lives.
I love you all so much....
First Contact is Happening.


To get updates and links to sources on UFO sightings and stuff, First Contact updates primary forcus on the construction, opening and use of ExtraTerrestrial Embassy https://etembassy.org and assisted by https://alliance4et.org/ (Facebook keeps on deleting that one for some unknown reason) News, War News from KLW World News Public Alerts, troop position analysis, Occasional Solar Weather & Public Analysis , personal commentary/diary from me as an intersexed ET hybrid, memes, art, music, science, spirituality, Meditations, Raelian Movement https://rael.org teachings from Rael and shared from Raelians/members etc etc. All the Fun Stuff,,,on my X account. (Those who are on my FB get more or less the same stuff).


>>>> https://x.com/DanielleElfStar <<<<



>>>>>>>>>>>>.>>>>>> FULL VIDEO 11Hours Video Conference <<<<<<<<<<<<

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfdQsaJvqQc
===============================================================

The Elohim have arrived
, they did not receive a decent welcoming , when the military wanted to "set them alight" , yes these are the exact words they used.Fortunately they are pacifists with advanced technology, the violent stupidity fell of ike water off a duck's back. They would like people to build an extraterrestrial embassy .
Orbs have been scanning people
so when there is a nuclear catastrophe, the rescue mothership is in the solar system and would be used to save lives.
I love you all so much....
First Contact is Happening.


To get updates and links to sources on UFO sightings and stuff, First Contact updates primary forcus on the construction, opening and use of ExtraTerrestrial Embassy https://etembassy.org and assisted by https://alliance4et.org/ (Facebook keeps on deleting that one for some unknown reason) News, War News from KLW World News Public Alerts, troop position analysis, Occasional Solar Weather & Public Analysis , personal commentary/diary from me as an intersexed ET hybrid, memes, art, music, science, spirituality, Meditations, Raelian Movement https://rael.org teachings from Rael and shared from Raelians/members etc etc. All the Fun Stuff,,,on my X account. (Those who are on my FB get more or less the same stuff).

---

>>>> https://x.com/DanielleElfStar <<<<

---

>>>>>>>>>>>>.>>>>>> FULL VIDEO 11Hours Video Conference <<<<<<<<<<<<

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfdQsaJvqQc
===============================================================

Why was I born, why was I born with both genders to be then have forced surgery by parents to the gender they want? Why was I bought up in the gender they wanted, Why did I develop ? Why do I exist on this planet ? Why am I an organic meatbag that lives an insignificant amount of time compared to stars and galaxies and galaxy clusters ? Why is life short ? Why are people assholes ? Why do people find pleasure in seeing me suffer, and post me on Encyclopedia Dramatica because I was born different ? Why was I born, why am I an organic life form ?I only wish to be accepted who I am and only get attention to people who hate me ? Why did my parents abuse me ? Why do people abuse me when I looked up to them and hoped for insight, some guidance on the things, and they turned on me because I did not understand why they do things to me and made me appear stalkerrish, and their responses to me made me do more of it ? Why am I here , why do I exist ? why do I hate myself ? Is it because what what people have done to me when I tried to love myself, explore with myself and be myself as it came out to freakish ? Why am I even alive when I tried to kill myself.. I want to do things be creative . Why did I get coronavirus and not die , but still struggling with wanting to do what I want to do each day because coronavirus fucked me up badly , where I feel I am over long covid , but now still feel have to recover from long covid , why do I suffer, why do people suffer why do people get joy and happiness from observing other people suffer ? Why did I get benaned from websites just because I am me ? why are people dogmatic ? Why do people suck ? Why do I hate myself ? why do I want to kill myself and why do I not want to kill myself ? Why do I want to see as much as I can in the universe that even if I had a space craft that can travel across the galaxies like stepping on pavement stones when it is still insiginificant to the size of the infinite universe(multiverse) ... what is the point ? Why am I happy when I create, why do I get unhappy when people hate me ? Why do they hate me ? Why do I hate people who hate me?
What is the purpose of living ?
Why do I want to kill myself ?Why do I want to live as long as I can so the things of the present become meaningless and all the hate fades away with time., why do I hate time ? I feel there isn't enough of it to be able to do what I want to do. I feel frozen in time when time ticks away , wanting to do something, but cant get starting into something...
I feel tired , I feel worn out... I just want to sleep and sleep and wake up in the next millennium when I hope things be better.. when I can get a new body...
Where and why do I have to live now through suffering why us there suffering
Why do people get happiness and joy from me suffering
Why did they waste their time doing something that makes them happy, and everyone else happy without anyone suffering or be in pain by their actions ?
why are people cruel ? Why did be born this way that would make people give themselves the reason to be cruel to me ?
Why are there people , why is there life in the universe when it could have all been matter and no consciousness ? Why is life short why is their pain and suffering , why do I know more pain and suffering than joy and happiness ?

As you know I have started on the project of ETs rescuing Earth wildlife from earth humans when they go extinct, and allowing them to reside on reserve planets/moons. People love wild animals (or should, which doesn't explain why some are heading towards extinction, which is the real life satire of this work).. These are designed in 3D as a reference and then painted on canvas. Nature , wild animal art is popular , this could develop into a source of income, and would attempt to sell these. This would be done timely/spread out as you know oil paint takes ages to dry.

Scrapping the LoneElf project... was a good idea, but too many bad memories of the past due to other people who are still persistent of discriminating me , and recent events with media and politics against transgender and intersex people seems to be mirroring the simulated world around these elf characters with Earth humans and current reality.. To traumatising to work on, as I just want to escape from all this. (concepts might still be cannon for new content/future lore, but not as a main story ) Was a concept about how an Elf people on a planet who were born intersexed and were chased off planet by the members of the binary sex.. as breakaway civilisations, then to be hunted by the binary gender empire that formed on their home world with ambitions to conquer their entire galaxy.

Continuing the rainbow space elves 3D content and later painted but less frequently, or for wallpapers. Depending how explicit it is, some works may or may not be on deviant art. They won't be on fur affinity , but only as the final oil/acrylic paintings. The 3d reference renders would be on DA or my personal website, and maybe on other sites who accept poser/daz renders.

Random topic content/genre art... I do so something random and unexpected , this would also slot with my music creation. I need to create some new music too.

Finding new art sites to spread the presence of my work..

Now the exciting news...

Finally I have come up with a new project with would be more focused around digital drawing/painting and might develop into an adult comic if all goes well. About a space elf people of a variety non-binary sex/genders who explore the universe in their organic tentacle spaceships/spacecraft and what happens when they make first contact with earth people. The culture clash on an explicit, provocative, nymphomaniac "who needs clothes, when the weather is fine " people vs the future of earth humans with their views of morality in a political and religious sense and the chaos it creates because it blows their minds and kicks religion out of the window when the system crashes and freezes.

This is so exciting topic to build on and get lost into. Unfortunately not all the work of this would be on deviant art , because of content policy, but would be in other places.

As you know, Its taking months to fully recover from COVID-19. Caught the stupid virus in March at the doctors after having my tri-monthly injection, while on my out from the GP practice at Pallion Health Centre in Sunderland on my way to use the elevator to get down, because it is easier for my broken back than to use the stairs.I should have used the stairs that day, then I would not have caught the virus. A patient came out of the elevator struggling to breath, while coughing profusely non stop... without covering her mouth on the 2nd of March. That very day I heard the news later on when I was sick that the practice temporarily shut down because of COVID-19 infection and was in the process of being disinfected.

The 5- 6th of March, cold/flu like symptoms started. I thought it was another cold/flue that would go on for two to three weeks, and then return to normal. Nope, this thing escalated worse than cold/flu during the second week , with shortness of breath and lung pain, extreme fatigue, diarrhoea, weak heart, clotting risk, extreme headache, body pains, sepsis, fatigue and exhaustion on top of flu/cold like symptoms. I "recovered" at the end of March, but relapsed with post viral fatigue that has been dragging on for months
I have had 2 secondary bacterial infections in the chest and sinuses during the course of recovery.

The remaining symptoms after 5 months which are post-viral are acid-reflux induced asthma/morning chest phlegm which is declining , minor sinus flareups, which are declining and almost gone, loss of voice, which has improved to partial loss of voice, and gradually improving.
The NHS has data now on recovery, that a non-ICU person who has COVID can last up to 6 months, which feels about right , now that I am on my 5/6th month of recovery. Those who have been hospitalised and survived, their recovery can take to a year and over...
https://www.yourcovidrecovery.nhs.u.....-to-seek-help/
(P.S The website https://www.yourcovidrecovery.nhs.uk appears to be down frequently possibly from overuse...)

I haven't done any digital painting like I done last year and the years before in between working on my traditional paintings while I had been sick and recovering, since I still have tiredness and fatigue.
This year has been a bitch and is feeling worse than last year when the art studio shut down because of Brexshit..

Why do climate change deniers hate LGBTIQ people, support Islamic and Christian extremism and are racist ?
Why do they love Brexit and Trump ?

I don’t know , can some one answer and explain this to me..

I am puzzled

Well if things can't get any better, the Sunderland Art Studio closed for good today because lack of funding, as the fucking government finds Brexshit and stock piling weapons and and nuclear weapons more important.... fuck I hate this current fucking government...
Life is become a real shithole in the UK fast because of this Brexit insanity...
The art Studio was more than just a space to do my oil paintings and concentrate on my art...

Its been a week, kept contact with some of the members , fragments of the Art Studio now exist in various areas of Sunderland, and it isn't everyday at any time.. it is time restricted and limited to materials... no oils... no fucking oil painting... digital art might be an issue if you need a power supply for the Cintiq

Oil painting and digital I now would be doing at home... even getting one of the studios 27" iMacs for 200 quid can't take away the shock and anxiety of the the Studio closing... this iMac was the Studio's and people used it... and now that is gone... its moved closer towards the end of my reoccurring nightmare ... hoping that Brexit would end , which would bring back the Art Studio again... can't mount it to my monitor stand , to heavy, so it will have to sit on desk by default design.

If Brexit happens... things get really bad and dystopian that I could kill myself on Halloween , as I don't want to see myself die for real in surviving a nuclear war, living in fallout or being incinerated, with mystery not knowing if Earth was blown into an asteroid belt between Mars and Venus.

My news today , yesterday went to psychologist , she drove me insane that I started smashing my head against the wall then told I got discharged from CPN and can’t help me ... hoping I end my life ..right is this how they treat PTSD patients pre-Brexit now ?

FUCK LIFE , I AM FED UP WITH ITS SHIT
SPEAK UP AGAINST BREXIT AND YOU GET SILENCED ON TWITTER
WHILE TRUMP, AND TORIES ETC THROWS HATE AND RACISM ALL OVER THE PLACE
LABOUR PRO BREXIT ALSO...

THE WHOLE THING HAS BEEN RIGGED TO FAVOUR BREXIT
HUMAN RIGHTS WILL BE TRASHED... NHS BE TRASHED AND MY LIFE IS BEING TRASHED IN FAVOUR OF BREXIT



FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

AND FUCK MY ACHING BACK.

FUCKING FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF.

I HAVE HAD ENOUPH SHIT MY LIFE... I CANT TAKE ANY MORE

I came here to get on with my life and move on from the trauma.. somehow the trauma has manifested itself through the Conservatives and taken the role of abuse from my parents. I am deciding should I kill myself or move into Europe if Brexit should happen.

I have my cat to look after...

I cant handle to much trauma and abuse... from government effecting my medical, my health and wellbeing.

I live in UK and suffer from PTSD from abusive childhood and a rape experience. I have a broken back,from attempted suicide and recently live on ESA and PIP from the DWP in UK. I am in the process of getting gender surgery done, as I am Intersexed, and parents a month after was was forced into the gender what they wanted me to be. In order to get surgery done I needed be mentally stable, and was hoping to start off with surgery next year once I have met health objectives and requirements to qualify for surgery like focusing on quitting smoking etc, so the surgery can be successful. The surgeon mentioned that I have a few complications because of the small amount of tissue I have remaining down there, as well as the risks I have with a broken back, which issues could arise because of the broken back. I had been planning to focus on this, before anything else, requires a lot of thinking and planning, and the surgery in itself is a big thing because of the possibilities of things going wrong.
I have PTSD from past traumas of attempted suicides of my parent's religious beliefs in refusing to accept me as the gender I feel I am, being stabbed and almost bled to death for a mobile phone in South Africa, raped by someone who turned out to be a serial killer.
The DWP jumped to soon while I am in the middle of this medical process, forced me to do a fit-for-work assessment. Still on ESA, but they changed the ESA from Support Group to Work related Activity group, where you are forced to do things, like answering the phone, doing interviews, or being forced to work with group of people you don't know. If you fail, they sanction you until you end up being forced homeless, or driven to suicide, something which i have done before. Monday I receive a call from them. I am afraid that I might miss the call when passed out, or I get the call and the way they talk to me would cause me to self harm or try suicide again.

The DWP have been sending spies and stuff to harass me including pretending to be an extraterrestrial friend, so they can gather information, and use it to attack me. This has seriously effected my mental health, that I stay away from people.
Last week when I had been traumatised from the spying and ET friend impersonator on twitter, I was called to be examined by a GP by the DWP. I never seen this doctor before at the practice. A week later today I made an appointment with my actual GP. Arrived and found this GP there, as i was wanting to equire about my injections and also make an appointment to see a psychologist to get professional help. I broke down in corridor at the practice, and asked where my actual GP is, the one that regularly does my checkups, blood tests, and injections. They say he no longer in practice. I feel that he might be there still, and DWP forced the practice not to get help from my GP.
earlier this week, I got a letter that I need to go to another work capability assessment for my PIP, which i use for taxi fair to the Art Studio, as I cant walk the distance anymore with my broken backThey want to cut this to force me to be stuck living in my flat alone. Also the work activity groups they would force over to prevent me from going to the art studio,for slave labour.

I had to return home withe a new GP appointment with another GP whom I know has been at the practice from what I known and filled in when my original GP was on holiday leave. that is on Wednesday after the time where i get that call from DWP is on Monday.

I contacted the crisis team(suicide helpline), they suggested I contact DWP to tell them that I might pass out and miss the call, or that when they talk they could drive me to self harm or attempted suicide. I told them i cant, because I am afraid at the moment to talk to anyone from DWP i don't know. She said i must do, which caused me to fall, and lie on the ground, banging my head repeatedly on the kitchen cupboard until everything went black. My head is swollen and sore.

There is a chance that I might miss the call, from passing out and getting sanctioned, or answering the call, and the things they say might drive me to self harm again or attempt suicide. I tried to contact my GP today to set up appointment for psychologist. The GP not there anymore they say, I came home with no psychologist appointment and the fear of this doctor who did a DWP examination on me to give me injections.

I have no professional help, i know I would do it when they drive me to it, and i wont be able to stop myself.

Been stalling on my recent artwork, because of certain things are fucking up in actually getting shit done in moving on in life.
At the moment I have been considered mentally stable enough to qualify for surgery after focusing on getting the health prerequisites prepared for surgery, the DWP decided to jump ahead, instead of waiting for me to get the fucking surgery done, which would have been the logical outcome of my situation. But this stupid government has no logic, and everyone is a cash making machine to the system of the human stock farm called a country, and not treated like people of the planet.

I have PTSD that any stress would cause me to self harm, and my sole focus should be preparing for the surgery, not doing things that would affect my mental health in coping with day to day bullshit that people throw at me, which the work activity group would most likely do in making my mental health stability worse.
They moved me off Support Group ESA to Work Activity Group, where I would have expect to do things, and if i cant do them because of my problems.
This is very much almost the same as part f my reoccurring nightmare, where my surgery gets cancelled (Time condensed into a nightmare that is a few hours could be years.

..but Brexit and Trump has already happened. Its two minutes to midnight and WW3 is close even when the North Korean issue has been placed under ice, Nukes still exist... and there is 15000 of them on this planet aimed to different regions of the same planet. Like a dude with a thousand guns pointed to his own head.

If i have a breakdown like in 2011 , my surgery gets delayed another 5 to 10 years if I survive another attempted suicide, my body is already in bad condition because of it. When that day happens it personally is an indicator when the mushroom clouds appear, 80:20 I survive and die from radiation poisoning in the arms of an extraterrestrial who rescues me after the war, because it wasn't safe to rescue me, with the space force now in place, or get vaporised with my silhouette plastered on the inside of a train, with a nuke detonating close outside near the railway line.

I am barely coping, and I am nervous and deteriorating under the stress and fear of the first interview, such as urinating and defecating in my sleep on rare occasions, passing out and fainting on the concrete flat floor, chipping a tooth or two, excessive vomiting after eating and fear of self harm from unwanted stress caused by discrimination, attempt of bulling by bigoted people on the street for just being born different, walking with difficulty because of a broken back and having to deal with stupid people who don't understand my situation face to face....

The extraterrestrial told me, they sorry they could not rescue me, because they were shot out of the sky and bailed death....and i in tears that they almost lost their own life to try and save mine.
There is nothing special about me, like they think I am, I am broken, and I am fucked I was probably that beautiful flower, but now just like a plant who had been under the tires of a bulldozer, that moved back and forth several times. The first was a month after I had been born with forced surgery to the gender of my parent's wishes and the so called fucking "will of god".

CIA/#Deepstate : Do what we say, you dont get to be assasinated, and be rich from the military industrial complex and fossil fuel industry.
#Trump : No problem, I was always a sucker for the money, people like me, because I pretended to be for them.

I guese this is it, Trump dissses peace process....

Things and events are just imitating the reoccurring nightmares of the future, now the present and becoming the past. I got called eventually by surgeon to fix me up, the next day nuclear war is on the horizon. According to the nightmare I get close to having my surgery, when suddenly a later it is cancelled,mushroom clouds appear in the sky, I survive, die of radiation poisoning, small UFO lands, My third parent picks me up, I die in her arms while returning with me in her ship. I am going to have a joint... to much , to much, i feel like killing myself on having to eventually live the nightmare... then i go to sleep and hopefully the weed would give me decent dreams.

Living the life in the nightmare is short, because the "dream" skips out of a lot of things.... as it appears living the nightmare I am living through the events I remember including the missing days, weeks and months, The dream was like a movie, but living the movie now ..uncut.

Because of Brexit, with Submarine May and Nuclear Trump there appears to be no future, I am conteplating personal suicide to escape the end of the world, as the hope of dodging it is getting narrow by the day.

I recommend people to call Whitehouse daily,leave messages to stop the warmongering, be polite, else you will get hung up. Planet in danger. I am relieved nuclear shit storm did not start today, I think a the possible delay of events may have occurred with the Oil Tanker and warship collision, and US navy was dismissed planet-wide. it was close call, tensions are still tight because of military drills in SK, and the NK Korea border dam flooding. It is like a calm before a storm there.. Lets hope the storm dissipates, and drills end. The drills made future talks more challenging. THank you all for your meditation efforts, it prevented the worst happening today, keep up so peace wins over USA military warshit.The last call will be in September when the nations roll out to implement nuclear ban peace treaty and apply it.

I HAVE WARNED YOU PEOPLE... YOU NEVER LISTEN... YOU STILL HAVE A DAY AND A HALF LEFT TO STOP TRUMP OR KEEP HIM FROM USING NUKES

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-.....r-games-begin-

THINGS HAVE CHANGED, FOR THE WORST. ACCORDING TO MY REOCCURRING NIGHTMARES THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT TRUMP MIGHT TRIGGER OF PLANET-WIDE NUCLEAR WAR WITHIN 2 DAYS AT THE MARK OF THE ECLIPSE.

I HAVE WARNED PEOPLE ABOUT THE AFTERMATH AND OUTCOME OF BREXIT, AND I HAVE WARNED PEOPLE ABOUT TRUMP BEFORE THESE HAPPENED, AND THE OUTCOMES HAVE ALREADY HAVE COME TO PASS.

I HAVE BEEN WARNING PEOPLE ABOUT THIS, SO THAT IT COULD BE PUT TO AN END VIA TWITTER, SO THAT THE ECLIPSE WOULD PASS LIKE ANY ECLIPSE SUCH AS THE MOON PASSING IT'S SHADOW OVER THE PLANET, AND PEOPLE GET TO ENJOY THE MOMENT, DO SCIENCE, PARTY WHATEVER, AND AFTER EVERYONE CAN GET ON WHAT THEY USUALLY DO LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, BUT WITH THE MEMORIES OF SEEING AN ECLIPSE IRL.

THE ECLIPSE IS KNOWN TO EFFECT HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY, AS WELL AS THE PSYCHOLOGY OF ANIMALS, PREFERABLY LUNATICS, AND THE USA HAS A PRESIDENT AT PRESENT WHO IS A LUNATIC. IT ALSO HAS A PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECT ON PEOPLE WHO HOLD ONTO SUPERSTITION, AND THOSE WHO MEDITATE ON BIBLE PROPHESIES, THAT COULD MANIFEST THE WORST TO HAPPEN.

http://www.newsweek.com/will-trump-.....w-world-652080

TRUMP HAS INCREASED HIS PRO-MILITARY TWEETS OVER THE PAST WEEK AS IF CITING MANTRA ON MILITARY AND DEFENCE AND BEING A BORDER ANUS . WHEN REPLYING HIS TWEET THAT HE SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM NUCLEAR WEAPONS, I GOT SOFT-SUSPENDED FROM TWITTER TO MUTE ME FROM WARNING PEOPLE, TO ACT AGAINST THE IMPENDING DOOM THAT TRUMP WANTS TO ROLL OUT SOON.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump.....85249726578688

I HAVE ALSO BEEN RECOMMENDED TO PROMOTE THE BUY-OUT OF TWITTER, BY A USA ANTI-NUKE ORGANISATION TO MAKE THE PLATFORM BE PUBLICLY OWNED.

https://www.gofundme.com/buytwitter


WE GOT THIS FAR IN BEING SUCCESSFUL IN DRAFTING A NUCLEAR BAN PEACE TREATY. TRUMP IS IN DISAGREEMENT WITH THE TREATY, AND WITH THE ECLIPSE EFFECTING ANIMALS AND THE CLINICALLY INSANE, THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY OF TRUMP KICKING OFF NUCLEAR WAR DURING THE TIME OF THE ECLIPSE.

IF WE SUCCEED IN KEEPING HIM GROUNDED FROM USING NUCLEAR WEAPONS AT THIS TIME, THERE IS THE LAST AND FINAL CHALLENGE TO SAVE THE PLANET (from nukes - excluding the environmental concerns). THIS IS IN AND AROUND AFTER THE 20-something in September, Nations will begin the process of signing onto the treaty this September.

http://www.zanaelf.org/digitalpainting/Peace.html

Looks like trump the FUCKING shitbag wants to kick off ww3 still around time of the eclipse despite the existence of nuclear ban treaty.

People are actually the mirror of my success... What is reflected back at me is shit, so therefore I am shit

Which means my life is pointless, it made no impact whatsoever..

I should have not been born, neither should I have existed .... I should have been on some planet elsewhere where I am not seen as an alien.

I am pointless, I am nothing , a freak that was dumped on this planet to observe, and all I observed was pain, suffering and torture.

Even my art gets deleted, which is why I am not on facebook, warn people about facebook... nothing happens.. thus my existence is pointless

Told people hey , please stop the shit... here are the answers to life the universe and everything, get ignored... my existence is pointless

Knowing i would be dying from radiation sickness...

guesed brexit .. it happned... guessed trump... it happned... guessed ww3 ... see the pattern here ? its pointless staying alive

Happiness for me feels like an unreachable fantasy that gets pulled away from me.... every time i try to grab it

This is happening, just like my re-occurring nightmares, people that I met and loved would betray me as a freind for a political dipshit(Trump)

YOUR PLANET IS UNDER THREAT AND YOU FACE EXTINCTION BY YOUR OWN STUPIDITY BY WAR, FOSSIL FUELS & NUCLEAR WEAPONS, THIS COULD HAPPEN WITHIN A YEAR IF NO CHANGE ...How is that.. Earth people are afraid of an "Alien Invasion" .. but the real threat to their home planet is themselves.

have started to get my Nuclear Daymares
As you know the MPs in parliament debated Trident and voted for Trident and Nuclear Weapons quite recently Something David Cameron wanted to do and now since Theresa May is the New Prime minister since after #Brexit, its the first thing she focuses. She says she wont hesitate to press the red button and millions of people die.
I originally wanted to go to London last week, but I had to attend a doctor’s appointment., also it meant having to spend all my credit on my credit card. Instead I composed a music track , which I had not been well enough mentally to add lyrics to the song.www.newgrounds.com/audio/liste…



I have been working on a painting to protest against nuclear weapons with an Eloha/Extraterrestrial who created/seeded life on this planet, crying that Earth humans have kicked off in a nuclear war.

I have pinned a tweet on my twitter profile DONT MAKE THIS PAINTING A REALITY WHEN IT IS COMPLETE, AND KEEP IT FICTION BY #BANNING #NUCLEAR #WEAPONS

No one listens or hears the warnings displayed in the painting, since it is almost complete and a lot has happened to shift the doomsday clock unofficially to two minutes to midnight, since Trident has been passed with the majority of the vote of MPs for it.
Before the Trident debate and vote , a black van had parked in the back lane , and I suspect it to be military, because it was the same van that was parked in the market square outside of the bridges the day after the Trident vote had being passed, and was doing military recruiting.



While the van was parked outside my broadband internet(my home wifi) and landline had been cut, to try and gag me from trying to contact/tweet the MPs while the Trident discussion and vote was taking place. I could only message a few, the ones in particular who were for Trident such as Theresa May. I least expected my local MP to vote for it, though a week and a half before , I had sent her a letter through CND, and got no response. She has grown distant from responding to my recent letters I posted since Brexit via petition websites, in regards to human rights and the NHS.

I have been having very little sleep encase I would be falling into the reoccurring nuclear nightmare. With articles of nuclear weapons/trident in local newspapers to international websites, I have commented.., and as well talking to the neighbours whien I take my cat out for a walk. I am rather disturbed by the responses that general civilians, where I suspect there is some sort of mind control program on the go, where they are blocked from the seriousness, the prevention and saying no to nuclear war.

Today was another day going to Newcastle to the doctors in regards to my gender issues, more procrastination I would say instead of making goals and plans for an operation, which was rather depressing as it is in itself. After the appointment, headed back on the Metro train back home, stopped off to do some shopping to get fish pie, sushi, a chocolate bar, milk, chocolate milk and dry cat pellets for my kitty. I went back on the Metro , and just before my last stop between central station and parklane , I had a daymare daydream, where I can best describe it as a simulation. It felt so real. In the carriage setting opposite me was a child, a girl and her grand mother. The child was playing with her new toys her grandmother had bought her. All of a sudden there was a bright white flash, and the girl that was playing disintegrated before my eyes, as the chairs, paint and glass melt out of the carriage, and her silhouette gets imprinted against the metal side of the train. I felt myself disintegrating feeling intense heat on my skin, inside my body, as if I had been incinerated also. I knew what this was. I thought this was it, nuclear war had started , and I was in the middle of the blast. I was more disturbed and hurt seeing a young girl incinerated by the nuclear blast in front of me, with her silhouette stained on the metal side of the train. Then it ended, I woke up out of this simulation. I found the train was not moving.
I asked anyone who would listen, what had happened. They said the train’s power had cut out, and it is dead, and we would have to wait for the power to turn on so the train could start moving again. I was glad that what had happened was not real, and everyone was still alive.
I started crying, because what I had experienced was so real. I did not look out of the window if there were any extraterrestrials spaceships outside. But I feel this was a simulation that was beamed at me, which was so strong it caused the train’s power to cut out, that this is a glimpse of the future if people go ahead with nuclear war.

The internet has changed a lot since I last made my first connection and said "Hello World".
I first connected to the internet in 1998, when I used to live in South Africa and started making friends around my interest in a singer called Dana International who one the Eurovision in 1998. The Internet back then was more open minded and friendly, and having net pals was a great escape for me, when I used to be Isolated because of being different. Meeting people on mailing lists around the topic of interest and making friends, evolved to into forum based interactions, which then lead to instant messageng. ICQ was one of the first apps, where in those days apps were called programs. Moved from ICQ to AOL, then Yahoo messenger to MSN messenger. I had quite a few pen and net freinds more than what I have today.

During the instant messaging days at the start of the new millennium while I was student at university, I joined Deviantart which was just starting off to be the art site like it is today, but it was more forum based in function and appearance.

Then Facebook made its appearance, it was quite different from what it is today. It was more of a site to send someone wishes and virtual gifts of useless collectables which had sentimental value. Much of my friends migrated to Facebook, including myself. I did what i had done ..

Then things changed , Facebook became a pile of retarded policy based pile of 1984 big brotherish tripe, which seemed to have an influence on a lot of websites including deviant art. Now Facebook has designed the trends of GUI appearance for operating systems (FLAT DESIGN), and web design as well as policees and the big brothersih hive mind set on content.

Being a natural maverick , because of the way i as born and having otherworldly experiences in my existence , and expressing myself in ideas and feelings that are unusual and alien to the norm in my artwork and creativity even to this present day. The very reason why I first went on the internet was to escape intimation and simple minded people who had a very narrow minded perspective of life, the universe and everything, seemed have invaded my "safe space" which was the internet.

Things changed, people changed. i never changed, its just that I cant freely express myself and be myself where ever I go and have been forced to split myself on what I can and what I cannot share with the enforcement of punishment. The very freedom that the internet gave me slowly deminished and became the very narrow minded , hard, non-understandng ,a freedom-less place, that I had had escaped from in IRL, where I was around people and acquaintnces who had antiquated , conservative, religious narrow minded views about life, the universe and everything. Where they would look at my art, and freak out at the boobies and naked shiny bodies and think I am sex offender of some sort. Not realising that I am an artist and this is how I express myself, especially in a way that gives me comfort and relief from the fact that I would never in my life meet up with people who would be like minded and be intimate with. It was a way to express these feelings out. On top of it all , since being born intersexed, and then later in life discover that I had been born intersexed, and then given an apology from my parents about what they had done in my late 20s, which lead me to have a brake down, and cause drama with a few of my friends I knew here on this website, which caused a series of events which lead to further isolation from people, as well loosing my character...

The internet today is bigger and more lonely than it ever was once before, because of Facebook, and the influence it has on online social life and perceptions. One would think the opposite would have happened. Seriously what is the NSFW crap ? I don't get it , because it is my work and it is what makes me feel safe as an individual away from narrow minded idiots, and conservative viewpoints...

All the people I had made friends with in the past from the days of joining Dana International Mailing lists to ICQ, AOL, Yahoo Messanger, web forums, MSN Messenger are gone and forever lost because of Facebook. I left Facebook because of the regular threats and punishments for just being myself by sharing my artistic expressions for my friends. You would think if friends wished to keep in touch they would keep in touch in other mediums, such as twitter, tumblr, google+ and so on... nope... they found themselves stuck on Facebook, and because I am not on Facebook anymore... its out of sight , out of mind. I just remembered a friend the other day , she likes Apple computers, and I had windows back in the day... maybe I would add her with FaceTime , and perhaps play an OSX game... nope nothing, she probably does not use that email anymore, and is pst definitely still on Facebook. in the puritan hive mind. Well she is a full on musician in an orchestra , she does not get penalised like I do for visual art...

Fuck you Zuckerberg, you ruined my online social life..., especially now when the UK has gone like the days when I was trapped in South Africa , and locked in a bedroom. I am now locked in my flat hoping that some crazy drunk does not kick the door in because he/she wishes to use me as an emotional punch bag because they got kicked of the dole , on the basis that I stand out in appearance. It feels like I am back in South Africa. Looking at South Africa now... Eish ... that could be what the UK be like in the next 10 years if the Tories are still in.

Life is shit ... I am being probed and procrastinated with and don't know when I would get my operation... No longer it is my parents , its now government. History is repeating itself... and wishing to go to another country has become wishing to go to another planet.

I just don't do art in the form of images and sculpture. I also compose and create music. Recently I use Logic and Ignite with my MIDI controllers , an Oxygen 49 keyboard and a roll up silicone keyboard which I can carry in a bag.

I upload my music to Sound Cloud , on Tumblr, Starseeds.net ( I used to as well on think atheist, but they focuses the site more on debating and stuff), and as you can see in the link on every journal entry called Music Library , I upload music there on New grounds. Somehow users cant download my tracks anymore. I offer free downloads and playback strewing on Sound Cloud. I find uploading my stuff to Apple Music confusing , and vague and not simple like sound cloud.

Here is where the shit hits the fucking fan for me, and anyone who is a new musician , or a casual musician , who normally does work or other forms of art as their primary skill. Sound Cloud wants to introduce $9.99 subscription bullshit. This is going to fuck any free/new/casual artist in the fucking arse. I have seen this happen with websites that were once free and become bogged down with the money disease like deviant art or youtube as an example. Those that pay into the service will get exposure. and those who don't somehow get downtrodden and hidden from exposure to develop a fan base for anyone who may like or enjoy your style of music.

I hate it when capitalism fucking ruins and hides good art from exposure... This also happens with paintings, and how modern splish splash bullshit paintings are in the spotlight more often than skilled art... such as the poo poo platter "Mark Rothko's 'No. 10' sells for $82 million in NY"..

Well as you see how shit things are becoming on this planet, I thought I would get this done and over with, something that will help people think on what they are doing. I was happy that WW3 was averted this year three weeks ago, but the nightmare is still knocking at the door, while the doomsday clock still hangs at 3 minutes to midnight. I am also hoping that this painting would also put my re-occuring precognition nightmares to bed, so I can enjoy the remaining years of my life. The NHS has not been supportive as well, delaying my surgery with excuses as people have valued money more than my life and wellbeing, and the people I rely on for help, have been giving me similar denial of help and treatment that I had experienced when I lived in South Africa. I really want to leave this planet, because I am afraid what is going to happen, if things do not change for the better.

The artwork is going to be similar to my "No More War" image, but with a lot more detail in the background focusing on a possible future, if all shit goes wrong, and nuclear weapons have been used. Hoping the message of "No More War" is emphasised stronger , with consequences of the stupidity of war being reflected in the background. As you can see tensions are really getting stupid, North Korea wants to bomb the USA, the USA want to bomb North Korea, the nuclear Missiles are stored in Okinawa US bases against the will of the Japanese people, Then the whole thing with Russia VS USA on how to deal with the big baby the CIA created called ISIS. Thats not all, then recently about Iran and the US, and its wishes to want to bomb Israel. Then there is China as well. Then the possibility of civil war in South Africa, because of the tensions between Russia(BRICS) and USA, where local political shit is stirred by the CIA from the USA, which poverty and racism are being used as a catalyst. Then there there is the MH370 flight issue which may lead to evidence that USA shot down the plane with an energy weapon, but this information is oppressed and censored with life threats to the locals who witnessed events in the Indian Ocean, such as the Maldives. including German Wings. So basically shit is building up, and I feel I need to do another artwork tell tell people to stop the warshit. I just have nightmares when I see the US president Trump on the opposite end of the room with Kim Jong-un..