Well been through hell and back, and projecting a plea to my family in space , to take me home... nothing, no response, not even a sign in the sky... , trapped here in this torturous life on this stupid planet.... basically i am tossed here and have to accept the fact I am abandoned, here to ripen up, then rot and decay and decompose. Life should not be this shit but it is. But meeting another intersexed person who is a good friend , especially when they give me the freedom to express my thoughts and emotions... as it gets shit off the back, instead of piling it up, leading to an atomic explosion of stupidity....

I am not one known to be silent... when suppressed from expression, it just makes me boil in madness and frustration. If I get threatened to shut the fuck up, i tend to get an anxiety attack, breakdown and self harm.... so after recent events, if i get accepted or not after this suspension, still have made plans, filled in the forms to move away from Sunderland to Durham... the spider on the map. It is said to be like a spider from my friend, because all the roads , railways etc meet up to it, allowing me to move my ass around the UK and start exploring... like I always wanted... i hate being stuck in one spot , and expected to live in the spot, and then get harassment from the street for being an extra terrestrial hybrid thing.... by EDL nazis

Going to work on some sensual cosmic art... despite being suspended from censored..digitally with poser plan out my next painting of the rainbow elf series... the Sealand one i would finish off on the side, and some more live art computer drawing/painting, as well i am thinking what to do and make with the block of clay I have. Cant paint at night since I had blown my lightbulb yesterday with my mind , and can only order two new ones next week, looks like I also blew the outside spot light on the exterior of flat... saw gentoo(housing association) replacing the bulb... but i felt relief after the lightbulb going pop with a few blue sparks coming from it....

People just let me do my art in peace.... thank you... for me its art or die... i choose art...since art is my life and my life is art.

I feel like dying... going to sleep and never waking up..... i cant handle this rejection and lack of understanding.... (i needed to express it... its IRL crap....) i wish it all ends.... at the moment i am only seeing one solution....

I am currently recovering, and still rather nervous. The issue at Cosmic You, seems to be over and I managed to re-upload my teachings/aka shared binfo and videos, and would be continuing my art live on livestream this evening after I have come back from the art studio... interested in my teachings :p ? they kind of look like this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mi0j1Eik7_w anyway...
What to expect on the livestream..
To get there http://www.livestream.com/zanaelf
1) painting over the sketch.. (testing to see how i paint over without inking, and how it would turn out)
2) Planning a rouph sketch on the development of Sealand which I would be doing as a gift for Sealand..

Yep i am not one for commissions, and sales... I tend to follow my consciousness and tune into thoughts coming from space, and give and share my work... why ? dont like money as I understand its killing the planet and I support paradism http://www.paradism.org
Much Love
Namaste

I am sorry i wont be working on my art live tonight on livestream, since i am to sick and depressed to even do anything... i would ruin it as well as my painting.... I also wont be on skype either... yes i was recovering... i am tired of people doing this to me, making me sick and giving me a slow death which i feel like ending this painfull life...

I may be going on live stream within the next two or three hours to draw live Much Love Namaste http://www.livestream.com/zanaelf

I have had an art lag for a week, since my youtube account had been hacked into, and had to create a new one took 3 days to upload everything, and the secondry account i had "Elohim Life Form" was trolled by flaggots, since the hacker got the account banned, and the email altered so i could not contact google tube staff.. and the rest is all automated :/ Hopefully I would be starting some art,

I just have been awarded the noble title of Lady , as there was no intersex or gender neutral titles, and i prefer being more feminine and see myself as a woman in this binary gendered enforced planet... oh well still creating my reference for my oil painting, and then be doing oil paintings as gifts for Sealand

I wont be on livestream drawing since I would be in London attending the Paradism conference http://www.paradism.org

New start, new computer, new pen tablet , hoping for a new body :p
can watch me draw at http://www.livestream.com/zanaelf (normally broadcasting at nights or over the weekend)