AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI'm 20 now and I'm still fucked up

That's all you need to know. You might wanna unwatch me as I will go fuckin' insane that day.

FA is my main source of engagement, and if it stays down during my birthday, I'm gonna be very upset...

My FA homepage now has a list of all my characters (that I care about)! On my previous journal, many of you asked who Tassos was, so I hope this clarifies things now.

Would y'all like that~?

I have my idea for Macro March: me leaning on a building and eating another. This could also be a practice for posing. And I have this idea that I'll get slightly bigger every year. Last year, I was as tall as a building, and this year, I'm double the height! ^w^ I'm only publishing on the last day of March, as March was kind of a break month for me.

I plan to be more active in April, and even more so once school is out for most of my friends. I'll finish scrapped drawings and finish trade parts and gifts at the time. However, there will be week-long hiatuses in early May and early June because it is my birthday on May 5 (I will be 20), and my family and I are moving to a smaller house in late May to early June. I am getting my own apartment as well. After those hiatuses, I'll be back to my schedule. As for July, that's when Art Fight starts, so there will be even more activity from me. As for August through December? We'll see...

My goal for 2025 is to draw more than I did in 2024, which was kind of a break month for me as well, because my life wasn't going so well that year.

What the title says. I wanna get a drawing out for this year's Macro March, but I need ideas! I wanna be HUGE before it's over >:3c

Hey, so as you know, I started to take a break from art (and the furry community as a whole) in 2024 and 2025. I didn't really like my own work that much (I still kind of don't), so I just decided to show it less often. A good chunk of my 2024 work is ArtFight (it was my second year, and my first in a long time, so I was dedicated). I also never made any holiday or birthday art (not even for my own) last year; that is going to change this year. I really want to make something today for St. Patrick's Day (I'm Irish; the day somewhat means a lot to me).

With that being said, I plan to do more art with my OCs for more holidays and more casual stuff. Expect them to show up in the spotlight more often. Also, Friedrich the fennec fox will be my first victim of my blueberry era >:3c

I've been thinking of drawing more blueberry inflation (I've only done it once in my entire life, but it's lost media now). It's not really for me; I don't really like how the entire body is just a giant blue sphere with limbs poking out, but do you think I should dabble in that stuff? I'm imagining it as my regular art, but make the characters and their bellies rounder, bigger, and bluer~.

I finally gave in and made a PayPal (I hope I don't get in trouble by my parents). I feel very late to the party, to be honest; I turned 18 almost 2 years ago, and I should've made one immediately after (I tried, but I felt anxious to enter my address). Now everyone else has one and can do comms except me, and that's why I felt like it's too late to make an account now. I'm jobless, and I still have yet to go to college.

What I wanna ask is that... anyone interested in commissioning me? I'll do one slot only.
https://zayderg.carrd.co/#commissions
https://ko-fi.com/zayderg

I had a talk with a friend about feeling like my art style is bland and about still struggling with jealousy over others' success. I've been taking the "don't draw art for attention" advice recently, and it kind of cleared my mind a bit.

He told me that fame takes hard work; you can work your butt off to make it happen. Which helped me realize that my friends have likely put in more effort than me. I want to continue to work on my style, but I should just make it more realistic; my style definitely scares the algorithm away. People can draw the same thing as me, same methods, but the way they draw furries could be different, and the algorithm would pick them over me.

He suggested that I study their style, figure out what makes it work, and then apply what I learned to my own style, which is genius; I don't know how I never learned this before. Maybe that's how people go from 0 to 100 in a few months.

I want to do all of that from now on; I have my ideas to start drawing daily and publish once or twice a week, but the problem is that I don't know where to start. I maybe want to bring back my old OCs for these special occasions, but I don't know what to make of them. People enjoy my work, so I have a head start.

I'm very overwhelmed.

I have a lot to do and draw, and everyone's birthday is at the same time for some reason, so I constantly have to (because I want to, because I want to be a good friend) draw for people.

Hell, FattyDragonite's birthday is today, and I want to get his attention (and maybe a Watch), but I don't have the time to do it, which is a huge bummer.

I also requested an art trade a week ago and I immediately regretted it, but their part is done, so I have to do it now, no hate to the person I'm trading with!

And the worst part about all of this is that I'm not a fast artist; I have tremmors in my arms (and legs), hindering my skills by a lot. If anyone has any tips on how to draw faster, do let me know. I'm also trying to stop being so tired and lazy when it comes to all this.

My Trello shows what I have to do, and trust me, it's a LOT. While writing this, I've been tearing up and shaking.

I'm gonna be locked in; new drawing today (if I'm lucky) and later this week, and maybe 2 or 3 in March if I'm lucky :3

I need to revive my art gallery, skills, and career, so is there anything else you want to see from me?
Bringing back an old OC (or two) I haven't drawn in months? NSFW? Fat, burps, belly noises, inflation, blueberry, vore, TF, mpreg, ABDL, hypnosis, feet, petplay, etc.?

I'd be down for anything at this point; I'm desperate to be an artist again and maybe expand a bit (quite figuratively and literally).

And if you're one of those people who are saying, "Hey, where's my trade part/request/gift you promised?":
I'm working on it! https://trello.com/b/jLRZHORt/zays-.....ects-and-stuff

Sorry for not posting much or drawing much this February! I promise I'll get something out -w-

I'm totally not addicted to Balatro and coding a mod for it, I'm totally not depressed and stressing over irl stuff, and I'm totally... uh, not in a pred's stomach right now!!! /jjjjj

SORRY FOR NOT DRAWING ANYTHING FOR VALENTINE'S DAY
I WAS BUSY AND NOW I HAVE TO DO IT NEXT YEAR QWQ

*kisses you* Now gimme all your chocolates~ >:3

I'm scared to do anything nowadays because I'm always punished for everything by my friends and family. My mom just yelled at me for self-harm.

Too much stuff is happening at once. The impersonation problem, work overflow, and now this. I probably need another break.

(Reposted from Deviant Art)

Someone's impersonating me, trying to DM random people, likely to ruin my image!

So, just a reminder that everything on my LinkTree is official and run by me, and those are the only accounts I run! If you see anyone claiming to be me, it's not me, unless I clarify on one of my listed accounts.

At least spell my name right; the N goes before the M.

Alright now worship me please

Had to take a break for the first week of 2025 due to depression and irl issues. I apologize! I promise to draw more.

That's it. That's the post.
Edit: It's out!

I'm gonna start drawing again, trying to squeeze out the last bits of motivation I have left... Expect something in the next week. I'm trying to get 5 to 8 pics out before 2025.

I don't want my account to fall, so I'm trying to upload as much as I can with this tiny bit of motivation I have. I appreciate your patience.

I just can't keep going nowadays. My art always gets ignored in Discord channels or gets little likes on my platforms. You know how someone says your joke louder and everyone laughs? You know how a meme loses fame because another one spawns in? That's basically what I feel like with some of my friends when they post.

I'm definitely going to slowly pack my bags and move over here. Don't worry, I'm here to stay on Fur Affinity, but sometimes I feel unhappy here or anywhere in the furry fandom.

Main: https://bsky.app/profile/zayderg.bsky.social
Fetish Alt: https://bsky.app/profile/zaydiabetes.bsky.social
Discord (planning to change username): theydenm
Telegram: https://t.me/zayderg2005

Here's something I wanted to say and get off my chest, but I was scared to do so:
https://bsky.app/profile/zayderg.bs...../3lco56bmyvs2s

Had to take the whole November off for irl life and mental health purposes, sorry...

December will be okay, maybe. I'll probably get like 3 pics done at most.

Make sure to keep your belly nice and fat~ uwu
I sure am >:3