And on top of this whole dilemma of whether preg kinks are okay, I'm also just struggling with the validity of porn in general. Obviously I'm not a puritanical anti-sex kinda person by any means, but idk it just feels like there's too much. I understand that sexual gratification is sort of a biological necessity, but do we really need thousands of people putting out content for that purpose every day? And do I need to be one of them?

People tell me how great my work is and how they'd miss me if I was gone, but while that should feel nice, it just doesn't help because in my mind, people shouldn't like this stuff all that much in the first place (meaning porn in general, not my art specifically). It's hard for me to feel like I'm making anything of value, not because the quality is bad (far from it, I'm quite confident in myself artistically), but because of the subject matter. I feel as if I'm just rotting brains and feeding addictions. And drawing something as niche as I do only makes it worse, because there's so much more demand for it relative to what's available.

Maybe I just need more variety in my life, more hobbies and stuff. But even if I had it, what reason do I really have for making pictures whose only purpose is to get you off? How does this help anyone?

Or maybe I'm just being presumptuous and thinking that there's more coomers out there than there really are. Maybe there's residual unconscious prudish thoughts from my Catholic upbringing keeping me from seeing this as just a service like any other. Maybe I'm just frustrated that I can't do any storytelling projects. Probably all three.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't enjoy the mundane side of pregnancy all that much—the cravings, the aches, the ill-fitting clothes, the general joy and excitement of becoming a parent... People have kids for wholesome reasons, and real pregnancy is much more of a trial than we like to depict, and yet here I am sexualizing it to kingdom come... It really is nothing more than a kink to me, but... it feels wrong to think of it only in that way. But I can't just force myself to draw something I'm not interested in.

Alright, so, I guess I'll stick around for now. But I'm gonna scale back some - my Patreon and SubscribeStar will stay up, but they'll be more of a tip jar, though I'll try to do something special every now and again to thank those of you who decide to keep supporting me. I'm gonna do more SFW stuff alongside NSFW - this will slow down commissions, but it's necessary for my mental health. I'm looking to start a second account for worldbuilding and lore stuff related to my OCs' universe; stay tuned for updates on that.

Thank you to everyone who sent kind words and encouragement on my last post, and to my friends who helped me work through this, it means the world to me. <3

I'm gonna be real with y'all, I'm not doing great rn. Last week I had a breakdown of sorts that left me on the verge of packing up and quitting art entirely. I don't want to get into details, but suffice to say I'm honestly not certain about the future of this account. I don't know whether I want to continue making things for y'all, and if so, whether I want to keep making the same kind of content, but I think it's best to step away for a bit before I commit to any decisions. Coincidentally I have a cruise with the family in 2 weeks, so that'll be a good opportunity to destress and clear my head.

Thanks for everything ~<3

All slots have been filled! Thank you to everyone who reached out! I've messaged everyone I've decided to take, everyone who did not get a slot will be placed on a waitlist for the next opening.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for...

Comms are now open!

I'm taking 5 slots for now; they are not first-come-first-served. I'll message those who I'll be taking.

Okay idk i just have to ask this b/c it's bugging me: is it reasonable to feel nervous about drawing fan art for a non-fetish NSFW artist? What if they like it and decide to check out the rest of your page, only to be grossed/weirded out? I don't want that from someone i admire. 😟

An update: I'm taking a break from drawing preg content. It's not a hiatus, I'm just gonna be drawing other things for a time.

This does mean commissions are going to be on pause during that time, and I do apologize - Lord knows you've been waiting long enough already.

I don't want to do a huge vent but lately I've been feeling really dissatisfied with the direction my art career has been going. I've been pigeonholed into drawing a single fetish, when it was only half of my content before I started taking commissions, and now it's all I'm known for. I get it, artists like me aren't exactly common, and don't worry, preg stuff won't stop being my favorite, but drawing it so often just sucks the enjoyment out of it.

And it's rather frustrating and discouraging when hardly anyone seems to take notice of changes in art quality, or care about anything I make without a belly in it, like they only care about one thing.

Am I doing something wrong? Can I just not hope to compete with artists dedicated to those other kinks? Or is it just pointless to resist my own Flanderization?

I've realized that since starting comms, I've not been able to do much fully rendered fan art and personal pieces like I used to do before, and so I was thinking of possibly creating a Patreon later on in the year so I don't have to constantly be doing comms, but I don't quite know what I could or would offer on it. Which brings me to ask: what kinds of benefits would you want to see in a Patreon?

Alright, my commission queue's hit 10 people, so I think I'll cap it out there. I'll open up more spots when I've emptied out half of them. Thanks everybody!

I didn't think I'd need to say this, but please DO NOT send the SAME QUESTION on BOTH CuriousCat AND Retrospring - just one is enough for me to see it, I promise.

It seems CuriousCat is down - I don't know if this is temporary or not, but in any case I've created a Retrospring account:

retrospring.net/@Zendrid

I know I had some questions on CuriousCat that I didn't get to save, so if you sent any questions there, I'd appreciate it if you'd send them again on Retrospring ^^

COMMISSIONS ARE CLOSED
(updated 16 June 2024)

Current batch:
(order TBD)
- MonkHijiri: FC - vixen goddess
- Sven: Sven x Xochitl
- Toasted: FC - Zoe [IN PROGRESS]
- culinarycannibal: FC - Cyprus [IN PROGRESS]
- Arnee-Doggoat: FC
- Xerokyzer & Okami_Mao: FC - Hugo x Alexia & Tamaska x Samantha

Waitlist:
- TrystinePrasiola
- Rowyin
- Hound_Hardy
- StormTheHusky
- sour_gems
- spookiestmoth
- ColourfulWorld
- trunklord
- Galaxy_Maiden

On hold:
These are commissioners whose spot came up, but whom I was unable to move forward with at the time and so have been set aside for a future date; at that time they will be bumped up to the front of the queue.

Just a quick heads up that I'll be raising my prices soon, by about 50%. Anyone who is already in my queue will not be affected.

I have a Newgrounds account now! Currently porting over all my existing works. NG will probably be the best place to view my art without any compression or censorship fuckery, so check it out:

https://zendrid.newgrounds.com