Hey ppl^^! *huuuuuuuuuuuuugs* I was reading  badcoin 's journals n' i found this: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1171551 *reads it* Plz help in any way u can. Thanx guys^^! *waves a paw*

Zephy

*stretches n' yawns* Mmmm . . . Morning ppl :) I just thought i'd make this entry into a dream diary kinda thing (plus, i just wanted to share it w/ all of u rly) Out of all the weird ass dreams i've had lately, this one was by far the most touching and endearing. And i'll tell u why in a minute. . . *closes eyes n thinks back on it* I was in the presence of a man (wha cud have happen'd to his twin brother i wonder, i don't remember seeing him...?) kneeling down b4 me, asking me to forgive him for his 'crime' (i'll explain l8r) Both in tears (i was . . . just standing there, don't remember the setting) i picked him up from the floor and gave him a heartfelt hug . . . there were no words, just a thought: my hurt is healed . . . i forgive u; (i had a few more dreams but thats another story^^ lol) I woke up w/ watery eyes n all

But ne way, right now i'm sure no one understands it cuz u don't know the story bhind it^^. . . Well, to make a long story short this man (and his missing twin bro) long ago in a time when i was but an 8 mayb 9yr old boy (so were they btw; they were my classmates, my 'friends'), committed a very serious 'crime'. They basically btrayed my trust by defaming my name (which led to the rest of the class blieving them and bullying me for abt 3 yrs) . It's still hard to talk abt it (or even write abt it) cuz it mark'd my first encounter w/ the world's(well people's) cruel and uncaring nature. Yet i wanted to tell u guys abt it cuz . . . idk its something that contributed to the way i am today so, yeah, its important to me.

So now u c, given this background and the dream, how much that scenario wud b welcome :) lolz. I've always wondered if i'd c them again . . . perhaps . . .
Maybe someday that scenario will happen irl . . . But whether it was symbolic or actually predicting something, i think the important thing is to remember this dream and forgive them regardless . . . Maybe one day i'll b able to give 'em that hug . . . someday

Zephy

ps. if u read this far, thanx^^ appreciate it

*reads* . . . Ohhhh so thats it eh? lolz Hm? Oh hey ppl^^! Na, just recently noticed that I'm sleeping on my side (or foetal as the link below says) instead of my back (which was usually the case, but now i find it uncomfy) n' i thought "hmmm . . . that's strange." So i looked it up n found a page that says somethin' abt how ur sleeping position says a lot abt a person (this one: http://www.flatseats.com/General/positions.htm ) And i gotta say its true^^ hahaha take a look at the page if u like. Take care! *huuuuuuuuuugs*

ps. so tell me guys/girls, what's UR sleeping position^^? (optional btw)

ok here's the deal ppl, ever since HS i've always been more inclined to c myself as a wolf (i think i'll ask a friend for info on wolves). BuuuuuuT, whenever i feel cutesy/kawaii, i c myself as more of a cute n' innocent chibi neko :3 *meow*. True, i am a Leo^^ (n' i've always loved both felines and canines alike) but i think that cute cat image comes from all the anime i've seen and the cliche reference they usually make to the kawaii neko-chan . . . problem is how do i incorporate that kawaii neko into my fursona :s . . . ??? *loads* . . . !! Uh, maybe i cud add the cute neko facial expression to my character whenever he's feelin' overly kawaii^^ haha i think thats funny n cute all at once lolz . . . what do u think ppl? Well, take care^^! Hope ur all doing great! *waves a paw*

So i found this series of questions in one of my watched artist's page and i thought i'd fill it out... so, here's something abt my fursona:

1. What is your character's name?
-*looks at the subject bar* Or Zephy^^ for short

2. What kind of character is it (furry, anime, etc) and any particular race?
-He's a white furred anthro wolf (arctic wolf) w/ one green eye(right) n' one blue(left)

3. What is the first thing your character would think of when he/she first wakes up?
- *draws breath* Mmmmm... *snuggles* *starts recallin' dreams or sings Lady Gaga song^^*


4. Your character's favorite outfit would be?
- usually wears brown cargo shorts w/ green hoodie (it has red triangles on the rim, like a FF white mage) plus a silver ankh necklace (oh and some red, green and black wristbands . . . mayb w/ cookie in his muzzle^^ haha)

5. When your character looks into a mirror, what's the first thing they would notice?
-Hmm...bedfur^^

6. Does your character have the same tastes in food as you?
-exactly the same n_n; eats anything as long as its food

7. How is your character similar to you?
-basically same as me in personality

8. How is he different?
-well, the eye color(s) for one and obviously, the fur

9. If your character could speak, would they have the same voice as you?
-hmm, yeah . . . i'd like to think so

10. If you were to suddenly become your character, what do you think would be the first thing you would do as them?
-O.O rly? ^^ sweet :) haha thats ez, i'd start using my green eye to revive Nature (can instantly grow trees, wood element) and then use my wind-based abilities to fly around freely^^

11. Is there something about your character that you don't like how others think of them?
- nope really don't care what others think

12. What advantages does your character have over you?
- other than having a better build, the Naturebending (mainly wood thru green eye n water thru his blue eye; plus his natural wind based abilities).

13. What disadvantages?
-like me, he's got a mayor sweet tooth^^ haha; and i guess the fur, wudn't survive in a tropical climate :s

14. Do you have any secrets relating to your character that only you know?
->.> If I told you it wudn't b a secret now wud it ;) lol

15. Do you have any secret drawings only you know about?
-nope

16. Do you have any plans for your character or are you working on something big relating to him/her?
-well he's basically still in development so, the big plan right now is 'breathing' him into existence^^


17. What misconception(s), if any, do people have about your character?
-none so far (hoping it'll stay that way)

18. If you could have just ONE characteristic from your character, what would it be?
- hmm thats a tough one... i think i'd go w/ the Naturebending^^

19. Have you made any characters that go along with yours, based on real-life people, that have the same traits?
->.> no

20. Have you written any stories about your character?
-no, but that'd be kool^^

21. How has your character changed since his/her first creation?
-he's still in the making so yeah the ideas r flowing^^ (ex. originally brown eyed)

22. Give us a one-liner from him/her.
- *contemplates the beauty of this World* I won't give up on you, i'll b here . . .

23. What's something people would be surprised to learn about your character?
-He's quite sweet/timid behind all the serious/mature exterior :3

24. If you met your character in real life, what would you do with him or her?
- i think i'd huggle him for awhile^^ then stargaze together

well, thats pretty much Zephy in a nutshell^^so ppl tell me abt ur fursona^^

Ok, there's just no way i'm gonna hold this in ne longer so i'm just gonna write/get it out of my system (complaining is positive^^, as Chris Crocker wud say haha). First thing that pissed me off abt this week: a certain someone (who shall remain nameless) was telling me that my laptop's 'memory' isn't good enough for SL to perform/work very well let alone install Emerald Viewer(And hey it may be true cuz it lags from time to time) But plz, do ya HAVE to say it in a way that spells out "oh i'm so rubbin' it in ur face - mine's bettah urs sucks" >:l i mean come ON! I realize my laptop isn't the best host 4 a program like SL (bsides t'was made for a more workn'/academic purpose, not gaming) but do u have to b so high n' mighty/mean/rude abt it?? I detest rudeness/arrogance (who doesn't ne way lol) but i have absolutely no prob w/ constructive criticism Thats wha he shud a done (i still intend to talk to him abt it...)

Second thing that ticked me off this week: i was at Plaza Las Americas w/ a friend n some guys dueling (Yugioh^^ yaaaay!) in Borders when this other dude (VERY annoyin btw) comes over n starts blurting out rude comments (ahh ur gonna lose uuu ur f**k'd etc. a real pest i assure u) during my duel (to the pt where i had to tell him to fudge off'u not gonna say ne thing good don't say ne thing at all, bee-otch!!" That was irritating

But the worst part was that i also got angry cuz of my fears of not only losing (which i did , unfortunately; my pride as a duelist got hurt...wanna b good, so i'll keep modifying my deck) but of being too shy to talk to my opponent (i focused more on the competition than on having fun and that sucked 4 me :(

So basically i gotta work on my dueling skills and on my fears of developing relationships/interacting in gnrl.... N' i know not everyone will b as nice/courteous as i am, but this one guy (the one abt the SL program, owes me an apology...) *sigh* Well, if u read thru all of this, thanx for putting up w/ my ranting till the end^^ lolz Wrtinig really is one of the best channels of Release (4 me ne ways). Well take care my furiends! N' hap 2010!

Hey guys^^! I was just browsing thru  kapoku profile when i spotted this:

Help Save The Wolves FOR FREE!!!
I will keep on posting these causes in my journal, whenever I see/read about animals who needs our help! And here´s your chance to help save the wolves! IT`S 100% FREE!!! And takes less than 2 minutes!!! There´s absolutely NO excuses to not do this. All animal-lovers, you MUST help make a difference!

Go to this site: http://action.defenders.org/site/Pa.....olves_homepage
and click on the orange box "TAKE ACTION".
Fill out the boxes. Then send the message, and done. The goal is 50.000 signatures.
We still need more signatures!!! Wanna save the wolves? Then add this to your journal, tell your friends, family, EVERYONE you know!!! Please help now, and save these wolves!

I'm gonna help^^! I encourage u all to do the same! Spread the Word k? Take care n Hap Holidays!

Just wanted to say.... *excited/energetic look* *wan,wan* X3 Its great to b back XD!!!! haha Take care everyone!

ps. the occasional *meow* is my inner kitty/Leo coming out^^ hehe

(aka Writing some Sense into Me^^ lolz)

I was just listening/watchn' one of my fave vids on Utube a while back, n a thought occurred to me....''essentially, wha is feminine n'/or masculine energy?... Can it b defined? Can one say exactly wha constitutes fem or masc energy/behavior/attributes?''

Honestly, i think this came up as a result of a stupid worry of me not being masc^^ (which is ridiculous but moving on) However, i blieve the aforementioned concepts are way too relative/subjective to b defined per se; it all depends-in general terms- on the social/cultural constructions of a society (or ppl )as well as the individual reconstructions of each human being, which continue to take shape throughout our lives (based on experiences n all that, etc, our culture just gives us a starting pt) . I mean its stupid of me to think that listening to a fem voice makes me less masc (yeah stupid/narrow-minded moment of the day..lol) I listen to it bcuz i like it . . . (besides i've listened to fem singers since i was a kid n' they never made me less masc, so why shud it now?) the high-pitched cute voices that r harmonious y 'sonoras' that sound almost childish (bingo^^! thats why! lol happy?... now u don't have to keep writing..*looks to the reader(s)*O.o Oops^^ sorry ppl, didn't know u were still there :s lol)

Ne way, each of us has a relatively diff. way of seeing fem n masc energy (n thank goodness too^^ lol) In the end, the important thing is being Human, and that encompasses all attributes/emotions. Thanx to those who actually read to the end of this reflection^^! *huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs* Take care!

I've been thinkin' a lot abt my 'issues' today ( especially the 'scared of developing relationships' prob) n' it all takes me back to those dark contemptible yrs of verbal abuse :( it was so appalling that it's bcome a mayor factor in who i am today. but yeah, i'm afraid to get hurt n'/or being rejected. . . In other words, i'm scared of ppl being scared of me^^ lolz (which when u put it that way, sounds kinda cute X3 ) Bu it still doesn't change the fact that i'd rather block out the negative (i know there is ) n choose to c the Good in humankind I don't want a world of strife, fear. hate/contempt but one of peace. love, compassion, freedom, heart( w/e u all know wha i mean) i need to let go of that pain/suffering n walk ahead (i won't find Love if i don't surrender myself to it) ...it was so hard... n' it's still hard (not asmuch as b4 but still) Yo c que hay gente y hay Gente, pero prefiero tener Fe en la Humanidad! To b continued...

Everyone has a little 'animal' inside . . . we r, in one way or another(ex. thru symbols, sexual attraction n impulse, the evryday living, metaphors, similes, literature, pets,etc), inextricably connected/associated w/ our animal counterparts/beings. Some ppl freely accept/express it (since they're more attuned to it), some ppl don't *shrugs* pero alla ell@s (y su arrogancia/ignorancia)

In the end, no one on Earth has the right to judge u, except You^^ J'aime les furries! Et je dis viva la Vie du Furries X3 !!! Au revoir!

That was too much man^^ lolz!!!! XD Ok here's a good one done by the Creator (Univ, Alah etc. w/e; just goes to show that ne thing n evrything is possible ppl) K, here's wha happened: yesterday(like at 11.30 -12m?) at the UPR i was tellin' 1 of my classmates how a girl i sporadically talked to comes up to me while i'm in line to buy lunch an' asks for my Facebook (which i gladly give her) n as i'm sitting down to eat with my classmate i say ' c, it'd b nice(or rly freakn SWEET all the way) if a guy wud actually approach me like that' n' we laugh it up...

.... FastFWD to today @ 3pm in Plaza Las Americas n whadyaknow? A guy i ACtuallY know (from the upi )comes up to me n says 'say wanna come w/ me to Borders?^^' Sin tripeo, i was sooo surprised at that happening (and so soon too, i mean wha r the freakn odds???) that i almost chocked on my snack (these little cheese n cracker thingies) XD LMAO Unfortunately i was so scared/lame that i said no :( But its like...idk, the Univ is tryn to tell me that (if i ever want a mate) i need to get out more n meet ppl, i gotta go get him ... guess i shud go to Borders more often^^ lol or clubbing paarty gatherings friends outing, etc. But 1st...i think i shud resolve wha i need to meditate on... So then, why so scared? Forget the pains of the past n look to the Future w/ clear mind n loving Heart^^!

ps. if its one thing i've learn'd from all this is that Life surely loves to surprise us^^hehe!

Have u ever had one of those days that starts out recklessly n ends w/ a sense of utter love(4urself, plus those around u) n' tranquility (aka inner peace). . .? Well today was something like that (n' although it may sound like i'm on some spiritual high, its still pretty astonishing, to me...)

It all started w/ a soft aroma, a yellow rose... i just happen to come across it in one of the many halls of the Collage of Humanities(UPR) Now i don't care how one might take it...but i still feel like the Universe (or the Creator, G., w/e u wanna call it) wanted me me to find it (aka causality^^) I felt so loved n happy at that moment that i felt like i shud share that feeling w/ someone. The funny thing is, that i got my wish^^ lol I was at the atm right? n a guy( i'd say in his late 50s mayhaps?) lets me use it b4 him(who was first in line, yielding bcuz a group of HS students asked me to take a pic of 'em) i refused at first but he was so nice that he insisted n i thought "wow thats kindness^^" Then i thought "u know i think i'll give him this rose to show my thanx n' appreciation^^"
(here's the sad part) But then somethin' stops me...my fears, my social consciousness(gender roles, norms etc), get in the way of my wish :("wha wud the others present at this moment say? wha if he takes it the wrong way? wha if he rejects my gift? . . . ") My wish to break w/ social/gender norms, to do somethin' thoughtful for a complete stranger did not come to pass... it makes me think how strong that patriarchal culture/concept still is in my mind (i wanna break w/ those concepts n think not w/ my head/mind but w/ my Heart^^ i do hope i get another shot at it..u live u learn after all)

So DID i give it to someone...? well, yeah^^ lolz I did the next best thing: i decided 2 give it 2 someone who had done something selfless for me in the last few days (so that way at least i'd accomplish the 'doing something thoughtful for a stranger' part) So i went to one of the many spots that sell sandwiches on campus n' gave it to the lady who gave me a whole pack of napkins the other day for a bake sale i was helping out w/ ^^ she was so happy that i was like "D'aaaaah its not that much^^" *feels Human inside* then met new ppl n walked home under the fallin' rain...

(here's the Beauty of this World^^...) N' this wasn't the only instance of human solidarity/kindness today (just the one that got me thinkin' abt the beauty n idiocy of the world, its inhabitants n the workings of the Universe^^ (so yeah all in all a very bless'd day indeed ex, a fellow student gave me an apple, i excused a student from class, got a chance to use an abandoned umbrella while walking home under the rain but didn't take it, etc. all these little things add up n make u wonder abt the inter-connectivity that's displayed between evry living being n Nature/ the Universe n' all that jazz^^ lol So in closing while i do sorta regret not giving the rose to the dude, i was glad to brighten up another person's day^^! Thus is the sadness (erroneous cultural concepts) and Beauty (human love/solidarity) of this World ...manifested!

*a calm silky breezes graces the night sky*

...*calm, tranquil demeanor* I must say that. . . its quite saddening :( when i go into sites like uTube n' see ppl's rude, inadequate or just plain mean comments on furry and/or lgbtq related vids. . . First i feel indignado(hurt) n' feel like tellin' 'em a thing or two. But then i just spam 'em(thinkn' 'they're not even worth it'), feeling sad n sorry for them cuz they fail to understand and r clouded by hate, plus stereotypes, rumors, fear, etc.

I rly wish they'd open their eyes n quit hating. But honestly its not as important as what we think of ourselves X3 In other words, as long as each of us is happy (w/ ourselves n wha we like), then who gives a fudge what others think/say/do? I am part of the gay community (w/ pride^^). AND i'm happy to declare that i'm a part of this, our furry fandom :) So i just wanted to say/write, 'Don't let them get to you, ppl. If ne one ever gives ya ne crap, turn yer back on 'em and wish them well, cuz they rly need it' In the meantime, I am...and we Are! ^_^

*disappears with the next gentle breeze that passes by, on its way to Luna*

(a clear image in the cosmos of a young dude-not a kid, yet not an adult- and his childlike self bcome ever so evident)
boy- plz, *tender look in his eyes almost sobbing* don't leave me. . . *runs towards dude arms outstretched, reaching out to him* I'm afraid, i'm unsure... and pure...

*both share a warm embrace*

dude- Hush lad, i shant leave thee, i shall take thee w/ me inside my changing heart/being.

....I want to preserve ur Innocence, ur goodness n compassion, the mindset that evrything/one is good n jolly ...a perfect world, happy ppl, smiles abound. i'd stay here w/ u ....4ever. But seasons change n now u and i must bcome one so as to Be.

boy- ... I ...I don't want the stress, i don't want the work/responsibility. i just want to b in peace (do nothing, no conflict, no meanies) n b taken care of...

dude- n' give up on independence...? Being my own person n the feeling of accomplishment that goes w/ the adult manner? I wanna say wha i wish to say sin inhibirme, make my presence felt, respected and achieve the goals/dreams i set out to realize.

*holds kid's hands firmly, looks in his eyes* This is our journey, our moment. Sure we may make a mistake or two but we'll get it^^ I know We will... shhh-shh-shhh-shh...its ok , i'll keep u safe , i promise...

*both enter a deep slumber* Mmmm...Zzzzz :0

Hey everyone!

As a 'new' furry, i really wanted to get an avi for awhile now. So i just wanted to give an xtra warm hug/thanks to  schattenwoelfin for her generosity n' artwork ^_^! Arigato!