It's been a while since I've done anything really active on here, and there are a few reasons.
1) I'm forgetful
2) Life has been... Well, life.
3) Lack of motivation?

So, let's start at the begining-ish. Back in June, I had an anxiety attack for no reason. Calm day at work, nothing happening, then BAM! Panic attack. So.. I am taking anti-anxiety/antidepressants. I'm also seeing a therapist for LOTS of therapy.

1) Anxiety therapy. Because when I have an anxiety attack, it is a problem, given that my emotions are pretty flat. So the goal is to find causes for anxiety, I suppose, and perhaps correct/overcome it?

2) Emotional therapy - In short, I have not cried in eighteen years. No violent outbursts, or sudden surges of anger... My therapist has said that it is a LOT of suppressed emotion. So much so that the cracks that most people usually show are ALSO suppressed, so it's basically as though I emote and give the desired emotional response, but I'm not really FEELING it.

3) ADHD assessment - Had that this past Wednesday. As it says; I was tested to see if I am ADHD, cause it is hard to focus and really sit still. Always moving my feet, and doing something to keep myself occupied. Mentally, imagine scrolling through a radio. A bit of channel A, a bit of channel B, some static, maybe a dash of music somewhere... That's basically what my head is like. Thoughts are there, then gone before I can get the whole thing.

4) Another testing to figure out if my memory loss (can't really remember anything from 13 years of age and earlier) is a result or repressed memories, or if it is a result of a concussion I had when I was thirteen that gave me a concussion.

5) Personality assessment - Why? Because I was in a mental institution for a week when I was 17, and while I did nothing wrong, they (at the time) said I was antisocial, so my therapist decided to take a deeper look to figure out if they meant to say that I am not social, or if I have Antisocial personality disorder (?).

So, yeah. Lots of fun, I like my therapist, I am not the biggest fan of the pills because of the side effects, but they work, I think. I can say they've made me lose weight. 12lbs since I started taking them, but that's also because I've not been eating well. Loss of appetite, so...
Anyway; that sums up the bulk of this summer. Work, therapy, pills. How's your summer treating you?

I am a pretty honest person. At least I like to think so. I mean... I am not one hundred percent honest, but I try my best NOT to lie. If I say "Yes, I'll do something", if I forget, or if something comes up, I let whoever I made the promise to know. i don't want to leave them hanging, you know, cause then it looks bad on me.
I mention this because it seems to be a recurring thing for me. People say "I did this", or "I will do this", and come to find out... Nope. It's either put off, forgotten, or just flat out not done.
Example: At work (I work at a gas station), one coworker often says "Yes, I changed the trash", and when I check, come to find out... He didn't, and I have to clean up after him. Loan someone money, I'm told "I'll pay it back in a few days", and come to find out that "a few days" is two weeks later. Thing is; transparency is appreciated. "No, I didn't do it", or "Sorry, I forgot", "Sorry, something came up". It might not be what I am looking for, but it is better than just leaving me in the dark.
I don't mean to sound like a dick or anything, cause I'm not "that guy", I just like to know what is going on with things like that, and being left in the dark makes it feel like I'm being left in the dark for whatever reason, or the other person is being dishonest. So... At this point I'm trying to limit the level of that, and... Yeah. I'm sure you get it.

Anyway, just a bit of venting, really. Nothing really worth looking over, but reading is appreciated, I guess?

I have found myself to be rather... Confused these last few days. And by that, I mean like panicking and thinking I have work when I don't, looking at a clock and seeing the time, but thinking it's a different time, completely forgetting what I am doing in the middle of said task.
A few examples: Today, I woke up at 1:30 and started getting ready for work, cause I was gonna be late (don't judge. I like sleeping late).  demondragon had to point out that there was no need to be up since I go in at 3. And without any hesitation, I laid back down to sleep more.
At work, I pace around, trying to figure out what I was doing when I had trash bags in my hand, because I WAS going to change the trash outside (I work at a gas station), and completely forgot. The same happened when putting ice in the fountain drink machine.
Again; I'll wake up on days off and completely panic because I am supposed to be at work, and I'm waking up late, and I'm gonna be in SO MUCH TROUBLE... But not really.

Is it just me?

That's what people say, anyway. If you wait long enough, good things happen, but I don't think this is always true. In some cases, sure. But others, not so much. I can't even count the number of times I've been told "just wait", and I do, and nothing happens until I grab the bull by the horns.
So, that's a particular thing I am considering adopting to my life. Don't just sit and wait for things to happen, but to take some sort of control and make sure things get done. Work is a good example. Got pushed around a bit, as I had mentioned, and rather than sit by and wait, I grabbed the bull by the horns, got my stuff done, and while I did not take action against the employee who made me angry, the situation WAS dealt with.

Thing is, I have found that being patient, in many cases for me, brings about frustration, disappointment, and overall negativity. The reason for this is not that I am impatient, but quite the opposite. I believe I am TOO patient. So patient that I end up forgotten. It is easy to put something off indefinitely when you do not think about it, you know.

However, in my endeavors, I know that moderation is key. There are no results to be gained by kicking in the door and screaming. A more restrained but firm touch is required, and that is what will be given, even if it leaves a bad taste in my mouth afterward.

So... I have been absolutely busting my ass at work lately, to the point where my manager has scheduled me more hours than even the assistant manager, and this amuses me, primarily because of how I have gone about letting her know that I am getting stuff done. Of course, there is the direct approach of "Hey! I did this!" but that is too simple, and when I am picking up the slack for other people, I KINDA wanna watch them squirm a bit, so...
Getting straight to it, today was a day where I did it ALL! Note: I work at a gas station. Not a terriibly hard job, really. As of late, some of my coworkers have been slacking, so I make sure to point out what I do versus what they do, THAT way the manager sees that I am good, but will also crack down on the other person and get them to help me out without me having to say a word.
To say I busted my ass today was an understatement. I had a moment to spare and the next two days off, so I was messaging the manager to inquire about my next work day to ensure that I do not miss. Along comes a FORMER manager from another store, fussing at me to stop playing on my phone and work. Said I should scrub the bathroom doors. So I did. I also cleaned the front doors, then scrubbed the coffee counter, scrubbed each individual slot in the grates... Checked the main cooler, filled the beer cooler because I was there, put ice in the drink machine, cleaned bathrooms... The ONE thing I did not do was the outside trash, because my coworker was complaining that I was not letting him work. But... Ragework got stuff done.
Anyway; the one who was complaining to me about not working... She left a LOT of work for the people after her to do, and since she was so rude to me, they took pictures of her mess and sent them to the manager and assistant manager IMMEDIATELY and informed me that they've got my back. And so... Without lifting a finger, she looks bad, and me... Well... Imma get a raise!
And so...

They just repeat over and over until someone eventually stops it.
I think I shall wait and see what happens next.

Back to waiting, I guess... But that's what I have become used to, so... Let's wait.

That is what I have of most people, honestly. Not to say that I don't think that they can do something or that I think low of people, but... In my time, I have had people make promise after promise, only to break said promise because of "reason X".

For those who remember math, you'll know that X is a changing variable. So "X" could be that they forgot. "X" could be that family stuff came up. "X" could also be the fact that they just didn't want to do it. Either way, for me, when someone promises me something, ninety percent of the time, "Reason X" pops up. So I found that it is easier just to expect nothing.

If you expect nothing and get nothing, then there's no disappointment, because your expectations are met! And if something HAPPENS, expectations are exceeded, and that's AMAZING. It's pretty simple, really, and so, I can happily say that my expectations are met on a regular basis.

Thank you for your time. :D

YO~!
I got Dragon Quest Builders 2, and have hit a block. See; when games open up and let me build what I want, WHERE I want, I blank out because I have NO idea where to begin. HOWEVER, I am not opposed to adding people with the game to play together and get some inspiration. :3

5648 5834 4974 is my friend code. Feel free to add, even if you DON'T have DQB2. I have plenty of other games. Monster Hunter, Mario Kart, CTR, Smash... I'll happily accept.

Anyone play?
Anyone over level 40, willing to offer an invitation code? :D

So I was going to post a journal about my moods and how they've been EVERYWHERE except where I WANT them to be, but it quickly started to become pointed, and, you know... I'm not gonna do that. So I'll say this; moods have been up and down. Down a bit more than I'd like, but that's part of life and I accept it. Overall, I think I just need a break from work, because it's going to hell REALLY quick!
So, in summary, I work in a gas station, and there are two sides. The front end, and the deli. The deli has lost/will lose almost all of their employees. There were seven employees. one employee quit, then the deli manager quit, then two others put in a two week notice, ANOTHER is looking for work already, so the manager and assistant manager are scrambling. They can't get anything done for one working in the deli and the other working the front end, so when I come in, I have a LOT of work to do while managing customers. And it's been PACKED these last few days, because in Virginia, hot weather means BEER!

I'm not sure if I have said this or not, but I'm NOT a people person. I'm friendly to people, I can chat, etc, but when there is a barrage of people and I have no time to breathe and decompress, I start to get anxious/panic, and twitchy, and have to hide away to breathe and not explode. That's these last two days, only I haven't been able to hide when I need to, but rather, when I'm allowed to, so... Stress has been UP!

Buuuut... It'll settle soon. A day off, some nice sleep... Yeeeeeeah~!

So there are some things to know about me.
1) I am a forgiving person. I tend to forgive people a lot. Sometimes too much.
2) I don't forgive being stolen from.
3) I am petty like a bee (AKA: I may not WIN, but at least I got that one good sting in)

The reason I say this is simple: I am supporting an artist on Patreon, and this month my payment went through late. On June fifth, I got a note saying "Hey, your payment was not processed. Please try again". So, within the next few days, I got paid and processed it. However, said artist provides a link and password to their material. So... A few days later, I got the password, but no link, so I sent a message asking for a link. No response.

I posted to their community page to ask there. No response.

Sent another note, asking for the link or a refund because I should not pay for something that I am not getting. No response.
So far, it seems that at least one person has opted not to support the artist because of this, and I feel bad that it happened because that is not my intent, but... I will be sure to do everything I can to either get my money back, or get what I paid for.

"What is your subscription cost?", you ask? Well, it's just two dollars. However, it's not the money that is a problem. Two dollars is fine being lost. It's the principal. If this happens with something like a simple two dollar pledge, then how many others has it happened to? How many others with higher pledges?

Now, I'm not saying who the artist is, because, as I said, my goal is not to start trouble, but... I want results. Product or refund, either or.

The day of my birth.

My birthday is in effect for twenty four hours upon the midnight hour of 6/23. What this means is that from midnight, 6/23 to 23:59, it is my birthday. With the successful orbit of the planet once more, I have a list of demands to be met.

1) I want a pony
2) I want a statue of myself crafted in gold. Only the purest will do.
3) Upside down pineapple cake. ALL OF IT.
4) One BILLION dollars!
8) Pizza
33) Teach me to count
other number) Two SFW pics of Kealoha, fit for a lock screen and a phone background, so anyone who sees my phone will be well aware that I am a furry, and that's my good, fluffy boy.

If these demands are not met IN FULL... It's alright, it's a joke post anyway (Serious about the birthday boy on Sunday though). But by all means, take any of them seriously, and I'd be happy... Especially if you get me the billion dollars.
You have nineteen hours and twenty eight minutes as of now (4:32.. Did I math right?).
GO!

I wanna make Kealoha a dad.
But did he adopt or have a legitimate kid of his own...? Hm.....

I have started playing Second Life and am trying to build Kealoha properly. The thing is... I have no idea what I am doing. So... Might anyone have any tips? Perhaps someone takes commissions there, or something? Lemme know, if you'd be so kind. :D

So, I noticed that a bone in my chest is distended last night. Kinda shrugged it off. Today it was a bit sore, not BAD sore, but if I touch it, it's KINDA sore... And coworker said "That is your clavicle!" However, VIA google, it looks like it COULD be the top rib. I'm not a doctor, so I dunno. However, after doing some research, it sounds like a cracked/fractured rib or clavicle.

I can't say that it is for sure, but... That's the closest idea I have until I can get in to see a doctor, but... I don't know what to make of it. There's minor discomfort, and only one of the three symptoms matched, so I don't THINK it is that, but that is the closest idea.

Either way, if it is, then crap, cause something will have to be done to correct it, and if it's not a crackedfractured rib or clavicle, then I dunno what and I hope it goes away, but... It is almost like someone just popped the bone forward, and it is SLIGHTLY visible at a glance, but otherwise it is only noticeable if touched, cause it's the ONE that stands out.

*shrug* Hope it's not bad, and that it somehow fixes itself.

So, here I am, looking forward to commissioning an artist, and the world goes "Oh! This is going to be easy! PSYCH!"
Last week, my credit card info was stolen, so I had to cancel my card and get a new one which has yet to arrive.
What this means is that I must now transfer money from that account to my MAIN account which can take 2-5 days, and use that for everything, because effective today, apparently, my phone is inactive and I need to get a phone card for it.
I did not realize that it was inactive and was trying to link my paypal directly to the bank account, but never got the verification text (since my phone is off), and it refuses to recognize who I am, even after I added a different, working number to verify.
Soooo...
Fuck you identity thief. Once I get a hold of the police, you will hopefully be caught, and charges filed.

Granted, he/she only got about $20 from me, but in my local area, the estimate is about $10,000+ from MANY different people, so... Here's REALLY hoping. But the idea I have in mind is simple, and I hope it works.

Get the video footage from the ATM, and the place they SOMEHOW got my PIN wrong, ID the bastard, and boom... Arrest when found. It's not gonna be so cut and dry, but there is hope.

Addendum: I was just an idiot.
My bank notified me that I had been charged $41.44, and I THOUGHT it said "pro golf" something. Immediate panic.
"How the hell did THAT happen? My card is inactive! I don't even have my NEW card!

Well... Turns out, THAT charge was for my car insurance, and I... Am a boob. XD

I have been LAZY~ lately, in regards yo uploading things. I get them, then TOTALLY forget, so... I'll get on that.

So, here I am, browsing through FA, and I find an artist/commissioner, and he's got some pretty good stuff in his gallery. Naturally, I try to fave one or two that I like, only to find... I am blocked. Now, this is hardly a "Oh, woe is me, I was blocked" post or anything, but more... Why? I don't recall messaging this person or interacting at all, so I am trying to think of what I could have done to prompt him to block me.
I hate not knowing things, especially if I offended someone, so... The lack of knowledge is the bother. Hopefully I can figure it out.

Twenty-eight in just five days. Where has the year gone, exactly?

I think my life hates me. That, or if there is a god, he just REALLY hates me.
So, sparing details, got some news from my boyfriend, which is a moment of "FINALLY" for everyone involved. Rather, everyone who matters, as hateful as that may sound.
However, as it is always for me, the bad must outweigh the good, so, how can life throw a curveball at something that does not affect me but makes me happy? Try my sister throwing a fit because I purchased a phone card rather than giving my money to her. Pointing out every little flaw that is more controlled by her and my other sister than it is by me. Subtly threatening to kick me out... Yep.
"You WANT your phone, but you NEED a place to live." Yes, I need a place to live, but I also need social interaction.
I have been putting on bright, happy face here. "I LOVE my job, I LOVE being home with my sisters. I LOVE EVERYTHING." In reality, I don't. Nobody here has many interests that fall in line with mine, so I can't talk to anybody, I can't go anywhere because I have no money for gas. So... I suffer in silence.
I love my family, don't get me wrong, but... We don't have a whole lot in common. It's like being the black sheep. They talk about movies, and shows, and this and that... I try to talk about D&D or something, even small things and I'm brushed to the side and ignored, so... Yes. Lack of interaction SUCKS.

The most frustrating thing is hen I am ignored. See: I have been trying to apply for food stamps since my checks at work suck. Example: These last three weeks, my checks were $83, $61, and $49 respectively. HOWEVER: All that is stopping me is ONE little letter saying "Yes, he lives here, and this is now much he pays in rent!" That's it. I have an envelope to send it in and everything... I have asked at LEAST ten times in four days for this letter, and I am always told "I'll do it", but here I sit, waiting, and it needs to be in within two days, on the 21st. So... I quit. No more asking. I'll just not pay as much for rent since I need money for food and such, and maybe THAT will get her to do something.

Anyway: Bitching aside, I am finally making some progress in Pokemon US, trying to form a proper team and all. I keep switching, the not being satisfied. But so far, I have Incineroar, Chesnaught, and Pangoro in my party. I'm making a team of DADDIES!

If you were not aware and you got the game there is a Rockruff internet mystery gift.
This provides the Rockruff needed to get the Dusk Lycanroc, though the thing is that it can be male or female.
I do not know if I can breed it to get a male with Own tempo, but I train and battle with male pokemon, so with this one being female, I won't keep it in my team.

Soooo I was wondering if there might be some friendly soul out there who is either seeking a female Rockruff and would swap, or perhaps doesn't care and will trade either way. I only ask because.. Yeah. I'm picky about my team. XD

Update on things.
Birthday was meh, as expected because of drama dropped on me not even a week before. Summarized: Mother informed me that one of my sisters was due to have a baby soon, and it could kill her since she has Cystic Fibrosis and is "old age" for someone with said terminal illness.
She also mentioned that my oldest sister is pregnant and is high risk, and her daughter, my niece, was suicidal, and that me being in NY would do her some good. On top of this, she said that doctors saw grey spots in some of her brain scans, and that it will most likely lead to memory loss of some sort, she's going to try to sue the military (government?) because apparently one of the places that she was stationed in while in service had contaminated water, and she was never notified, and that contamination may be contributing to her issues now. Said issues are arthritis, multiple sclerosis, something with her back, I am not sure if her kidneys are functioning since she has not mentioned it since she last spoke of it.
So, all this was dropped on me not even a week before my birthday, and I was told to decide.

As mentioned in my last post, here I am in New York, and the idea was to stay until the end of summer, then go back. However, my sister mentioned some free healthcare thing that I could take advantage of, and how I need to get the storage paid up to get my things out. In regard to the healthcare: We are fairly certain that I have scalp psoriasis, as well as some level of psoriasis on my skin that needs treatment. On top of that, there is the matter of memory and ability to focus. So, because of that mention, I thought I'd stay and try to make myself better.
Since then, it's been a dramafest. Niece arguing with my middle sister all the time, oldest hopping in to tear her down (middle sister), arguments about money, petty crap, and just anything in general. So, that has built up a lot of stress. One other thing is the storage.

The storage is the biggest thing, really. So, it is in my mother's wife's name, but my mother was initially paying for it. When my mother was no longer making money, I took over and got it current. I have been so regular that they consider me a valued customer, and even pointed out that I'm not even a customer, yet I was more regular than their other customers. So, no late fees on anything, and they're willing to work with me should I need it.

And I need it now more than ever. So~ Match 7th, I was fired, and I had been looking for work, up until the point that I was brought up to NY. Then it got a bit more difficult. I felt awful in doing so, but I resorted to asking my stepfather for assistance with the growing bill since it has apparently become my responsibility, and he has started dealing with health issues of his own and is unable to. It it not his obligation, so I am not mad or anything. More concerned for his health.
However, what I am concerned about is the fact that they auction off overdue units, and the one I was paying on is past due by $654 as of this month, and though they told me there is no immediate danger of auction, I know that it is only a matter of time before they do.
My family is not helping, and I cannot let it go. In that unit is over half of my belongings that I had to leave from the last time I was here, in NY, as well as my graduation stuff, which is a big deal, as I was the only one of four to graduate. On top of that, it has everything that I EVER got from my grandmother who passed away four years ago.
So, what it boils down to is that I need to find a way to make SOME kind of payment on it to keep from losing everything, and right now, aside from some applications out to HOPEFULLY land SOME kind of job, I have nothing...

So; TLDR

Idea was to come stay in NY for summer after family drama bomb was dropped on me.
Sister mentioned some sort of free healthcare that I could take advantage of, so I decided to stay longer and make myself better (Psoriasis, memory/focus, and what my mom and sisters claim is ADD or ADHD).
Storage is $654 past due and will be auctioned off sometime, and I can't pay because I have no job or income.
Half of my belongings are in said storage, including graduation photos, cap and gown; the works, as well as EVERYTHING I ever got from my deceased grandmother. So...
Lots of stress from family drama, on top of the risk of losing so much.. Not making for a great time.

I'm in the NY area, around Binghamton. I wanna meet people and hang out, so... How about we set something up, eh? Eeeeh?
Or at least pass this journal in a link to someone who might be interested? Seriously, getting out for ANYTHING would be lovely, since I have spent the last week either running amok, or cooped up. Relaxation and fun would be nice for a change. :D