People are watching me more now. I must be do something right!
Note to self: Keep bribing with cookies. Scratch that. My cookies.
Note to self: Commission more porn and penises.

There's a raffle thingie going on over here!
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6780068/

So, I have a pair of pants that are a comfortable fit, but here's the thing: they're nut huggers.
Now.. $kipping any endowment comments, I'll just say that they don't hide much. At work, I kinda forgot...

Now, people keep staring at ny crotch.
My eyes are up here!

RULES :
1. Pick one of your OCs.
2. Fill in the questions/statements as if you were your OC.
3. Tag at least four people to do this meme!
4. Tell people that they been tagged with a link from your journal

OC picked up:
Kealoha

1. What is your name?
KEaloha, though some call me Keal, or just Kea. "Fluffy" seems popular as well.

2. Do you know why you were named that?
Personal reasons, really. Something about mom, names, and Hawaii.

3. Single or taken?
Um... Taken? Maybe?

4. Have any abilities or powers?
My tattoo can change colors depending on my mood. Does that count?

5. Stop being a Mary Sue!
My name is not Mary, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't sue me...

6. What's your eye color?
Purple.

7. How about hair (fur) color?
MY hair is black, my fur is brown and tan. Pretty simple.

8. Have you any family members?
My mom, three older sisters, and a dad who is scum. Seriously... My mom won't speak his name.

9. Oh? How about pets?
I use to have some ferrets.

10. That's cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don't like.
Cantaloupe...

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?
Does playing video games count as a hobby?

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?
I've hurt a few people. Broke a kid's arm, slugged some guys who jumped me...

13. Ever… killed anyone before?
Kill? GOD, no! Really? Well... I killed a spider once. It had babies on its back... I set them on fire... I'M A MURDERER!

14. What kind of animal are you?
Beardog... Bog? Um... I'm a beardog... Yeah.

15. Name your worst habits.
I smoke fifteen cigarettes per week and like to play videogames, and RP.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?
Only the rare few who are taller than I am.

17. Are you gay, straight, or bisexual?
I'm as straight as a curly fry. Meaning I'm gay.

18. Do you go to school?
I want to go to college.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?
No marriage for me. Or kids.

20. Do you have fangirls/fanboys?
I think so.

21. What are you most afraid of?
I have one fear, that I am not going to discuss. Thanks.

22. What do you usually wear?
A red wifebeater, and blue floral print shorts.

23. What's one food that tempts you?
Seafood

24. Am I annoying you?
Not really, no.

25. Well, it's still not over!
Alright.

26. What class are you (low class, middle class, high class)?
I'm thinking... Lower middle class? I dunno. First class?

27. How many friends do you have?
Oh, wow. I don't have a huge inner circle, so.. Um.... I dunno. Less than ten. Well, let me rephrase that. Less than ten that are on y "GOOD" friend's list. But I have a few more friends in general. There are just select people who get to know deeper things.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?
I like to eat it. Apple is my flavor of choice.

29. Make up a question for yourself, and then answer it.
"What is your favorite dessert?"
UPSIDE DOWN PINEAPPLE CAKE!! Please say you have some!

30. Favorite drink?
Alcoholic - Smirnoff
Non-alcoholic - Mountain Dew

31. What's your favorite place?
My bedroom. It's KINDA like a fortress of solitude... Kinda.

32. Are you interested in anyone~?
I... Well.. Maybe.

33. That was a stupid question.
I suppose it was.

34. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?
I dunno. Beaches rock, but the riptides, and the sharks, and the danger... Lakes are nice, especially ince I grew up right next to one. Can I just stay in an indoor ool?

35. What's your type?
Dorky, Able to handle themselves, and a fan of video games

36. Any fetishes?
I have a few. But I won't tell.

37. Seme or uke?
Uh... I'll just have the beef and bean burrito, and... Extra sour cream, please.

38. Camping or indoors?
I will NOT stay out in the woods after dark. Sorry. No. Nope. Nuh-uh. Ain't gonna happen.

39. Tag People!
Um...  Demondragon and um... I dunno.

Draw me for free.
Posing like the Mona Lisa.

You must, cause I said so, and will pay you in burritos.

Do not question me.

I've been sick a lot as of late. Well... I show symptoms of things, we'll say that.
Example: I had a sinus infection that had flu-like symptoms. So says the doctor. The doctor said I had pink eye, my throat, on numerous occasions has gotten so sore that I cannot eat anything but yogurt for at least a week, and then it ruptures and bleeds. I've been getting headaches, migraines, nausea, loss of appetite, restlessness.
Seriously: When I am at work, if I am standing, I am pacing.
Anyway... This most recent bout, I had a sore throat, then it was bleeding and made me sick, so I missed a day of work to go to the doctor. Antibiotics and a "go home", per usual. But I spoke to a nurse there and covered my symptoms and for how long... Essentially, it boiled down to him telling me that I am stressed to the point where it is killing me.
The soars, throat, head... All of it. Things that come with high levels of stress. And let me tell you... People who say my job is not a real job, I say this: It's not physically taxing, but let's see you sit down, read the same thing for eight hours a day to people who don't even think of you as another person. There's no time to process your thoughts. No time to unwind. You get two breaks and a lunch when THEY decide. Could have lunch at 9:30 am when you start at 8, or you could have lunch at 1pm. You never know.This job is driving me crazy.
And that's not the half of it.

Buuuut.. The moral of this story: I need to find a job that I enjoy, or at least lets me breathe, so I don't stress myself to death.

I need an adulter adult to adult for me.

I must laugh at how silly I am sometimes. Not silly like "Haha" but silly, like... Herp?

I don't know WHAT it is, but I can look at a picture of a character and make a whole life for them in my head. Their name, favorite food, likes, dislikes, habits, etc. I could write a LOOOOOONG profile describing them.
Tell me to do that for my own character... Nope. Nuh-uh.Not gonna happen.
My brain quits and I get nowhere. XD

Just saying.

Press F5 and try again.

Sometimes, I've noticed that I feel hostile for no reason.
I think this comes from my job... "Thank you for calling SiriusXM, my name is ___. How may I be assisting you?"
Then cue customer calling me every name in the book, and I smile and: "Okay. I'd be happy to help in any way I can..." Just being belittled and chewed out every day, or rather five days a week, and not able to say anything back. Can't be rude. Can't be unprofessional. They change rules at a drop of a hat, and it's like.... FUUUUU!

Ir's just so I am essentially rather bitter... In my mind, at least. I'm trained to be kind, no matter what. But deep down...
"Oh... You made me a cake and did everything perfectly? Well, I hope you die in a fire." For no reason.
I think I need medications for whatever is going on with my head. But I'm no doctor, so... No self-prescribing. And I'm too broke to go to a doctor. Well... Too broke to go to the RIGHT one.
So, let's all go make a nice repressed emotion stew! :D

It's 4am and I just ate SEVEN freakin' inches of a HAM AND SWISS sub!

Cause I was hungry!

And cause I like Ham and Swiss...

I'm looking for artists to make a ref sheet.
I don't want too much, but something simple. I have been looking, but UNFORTUNATELY, every one that I have seen comes to $200+, and I don't wanna put that much into a simple ref.
Anyone know an artist who has a more.... Manageable price.

Not looking for anything over the top, just something like a front and back... Maybe a nude. >.>

Cause I like bandwagons sometimes

ask.fm/Kealohabeardog

So, it has been done. My character has been made, and I am very pleased with the result. As for the name; I had asked for input, and got some good ideas, but I was still looking, cause, as I said: I wanted it to be something that meant something to me, personally. And lo and behold, while looking over lists of names, I got to Hawaiian names, and that one stuck out like a sore thumb.
It fit, and was about what I was looking for to be close to me, but not. Honestly, I had considered just "Kea", since my real name is "Kahakea", but it didn't feel.. Complete at that point, and then, there was "Kealoha", and I was sold. Reasoning: KahaKEA. KEAloha. So.. That's one point. Another is that the name meaning has significance to me as well. See: I am close to my mother. She spent some time in Hawaii, and loves it. That is why my sisters and I have Hawaiian names. I love my mother to pieces, so his name is like a nod to her.
He is a bear/dog hybrid, and there are several reasons for this mentioned in a previous journal, if you want to read it,
I'll be honest... Though the idea is essentially complete, there will most likely be some tweaks here and there, but nothing major. essentially, what I have is a blueprint Might add something small here or there, but that's why I made him.
I change, and he changes with me. One such thing may be a tattoo that I plan on getting within the next few days: "Ohana". Same deal: A nod toward my mother who is big into Hawaii. So, bear with me, cause I am working it all together, and I know that nobody cares, cause I'm not a "popufur", but whatever. Heheh.
I just like talking at people who hate reading.

So! I have been talking about a new fursona, and the first pic is on the way.
I have some WIPs of it, but... There is a slight problem. Typically, when I make a character, I can think of a name and history on the spot. I could tell you everything about them.
This time... No... I am TOTALLY stumped for a name. I don't want to just stick a name to him and say "fuck it", but want it to be something... I dunno... Meaningful? More than just saying "His name is Bluedog, cause my favorite color is blue, and I like dogs".
I thought about working with my real name and making something of that, but I got noting. Then thought about people of influence in my life, and there's only two, really. My 7th grade English Teacher, and my mom. So that's John Kloiber ,and Carmell...
The problem there is that the BEST my brain came up with is "Carmen", but it doesn't sound... Right...
So, I figure I'll show the sketches I have and take ideas, cause more name options, the better that I might be able to find one that just clicks.
So... https://www.f-list.net/c/character%20ref

Seriously, I was THAT clueless. The name, right now, is literally Character Ref.
So, comment with ideas, and if someone has posted your idea, post a new one, or just comment on theirs with "This", or something... I dunno.
I'll check back in a few hours to see what's up.

Thinking of names is hard!!!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6612866/
Click the link, read the instructions, and do as they say for your chance.

You know... I was gonna post something about how I am a troll and how I plan to do stuff on my facebook that may cost me friends and stuff, but every time I typed it, I sounded like a dick.
Granted, I'm an asshole, but... I am not %100 a dick.
So, know this: Once I have my due commission, I am greatly considering posting it to facebook. I expect some negativity, but those who are negative shall be educated. Cause that's how I troll. With facts. Or at least what I know. And that's what makes it fun! If I happen to be wrong, I am willing to admit and learn, but anyway...
Yes.
Thing to facebook. Education.
Furries...

Dildo.

I hate my job.

I am playing Five Nights at Freddy's 3, and I KNOW that there is a way to keep "Golden Bonnie" away, but I dunno how, so... I was struggling with night 5, and now... I restarted and am struggling a bit with night 4.
So.. Any tips and pointers would be great, because night 1-3 are a breeze... But now, night 4.... NUUUUUUPE.
So yes.
Help would be appreciated.

I was reminded of a huge part of my childhood. Well, I wouldn't say HUGE, but still, it was something that I loved.
What was it?
Bear In The Big Blue House. I ADORED that show as a kid. I'd watch it religiously, and I'd always smile and laugh when he'd sniff the camera, saying that I smelled like honey. I don't really remember why. And thus, through remembering that show and hoe much I liked it, I have been watching episodes on youtube, and am not disappointed. Granted; it's still for little kids, but... Nostalgia, man!
That, and I just REALLY wanna hug bear...

I got it and am considering trying to stream as I play.
Would anyone wanna watch?

This was gonna be a long journal about thoughts, things, and stuff, but then I realized that there were a lot of words, and I got lazy, and decided to make a journal about the journal that I considered posting, but didn't.
But... It was essentially saying that I am changing my character, and that I have submitted for a commission that I am sure is gonna look awesome. :D

So, a friend and I were talking last night, about me potentially changing main sonas, of course.
So, he asked a few questions to help clear things up and make the answer more... Obvious, I suppose.
The first question was about when we had first met. I was an otter at the time, and he asked me why that
was. The answer was simple: Because I was active, outside a lot, and loved to swim. Essentially, I liked to play,
and that is something that I associated with otters.
Then he asked me about Zhao, and what made me want to make him, and I honestly was not sure.
He's supposed to be 'me', but at the same time, it feels as though there is something... Not me about him.
I like otters, huskies, and dragons, which is part of the reason that he is such an odd mix, and some might
say that I have physical traits that resemble all three. Buuuut...Skipping ahead...
He also mentioned how I like bears,
And I DO love me some bears, Belly that can be soft, firm, or a mix of both. What's not to like. So... He
suggested that I switch to a bear. Which I think is a good idea, but I suppose I also have the habit of thinking
too deeply into some things, so.... Though bear sounds AWESOME, my brain immediately started going on
about how there are already so many bears around. What would make me different. Something that would have
people going "Oh! I know who that is!" when I have a commission done of him, rather than thinking that he is
some generic, run of the mill bear.
And then... I got to thinking... I like things that are out of the norm. Things that you wouldn't necessarily
expect to see together, but still work somehow, kinda like what I did with Zhao.
So... I was thinking some kind of hybrid. Nothing like a threeway mix, but just two, whether it's two bear kinds, or even a bear/dog, or something of that sort.
Then I stop to think... Making a character is hard. And that thought amuses me, because I have made MANY
characters over the years, and it has gotten to the point where I can look at a picture and think up a name,
personality, and occupation for the character featured there. But when it comes down to one that is going to
essentially represent me, my brain goes into panic mode, I suppose, and I want every last detail to be
'perfect'. Something that people will know is me, and isn't so far out of the box that it throws people off.
Something that I would be comfortable presenting to people, perhaps even my family, because...
Well, they know about furries, but their opinions aren't good, so...
Finding that mix is gonna be hard. Something that I like, is sexy, but not like begging to have porn drawn,
but is also something family friendly, and...
Yeah... I'm PROBABLY thinking too deep into it, so... I'm gonna shut up, brainstorm some more, and see
what comes of it.
You shall be updated, cause I have my laptop now, and there is nothing that can stop me!
Mwahahahaha!!!!!!!

So... I got to thinking....
Times change. People change... It's not necessarily a bad thing, but...
Zhao was supposed to be a character that changes as time goes by. He grows and changes just as I do. And then I bind myself thinking: How much have I really changed? Why change my 'me' character, if I have not changed myself? So...
I've been thinking that Zhao may be ready to take a break. Not being eliminated or something. He'd still be growing and changing. Just separate from me. But as an alternative, I'd need a character that is me, and has finished changing and growing, but... If I DID decide to change then what would it be to? Who?
One of the men I have made already? Maybe make a new character? I dunno. It's just a thought, really. Don't read too deep into it... Or should you? DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!