Ive finally done it! ive gotten my own laptop and starting a new life. but i do wish to keep several of my old friends, even if that means being re-acquainted.

im not necessarily the same fur yall new, but if you do want to start watching an account thats acctually active again comment here so i can watch you with the other account, ill send ya a note saying its me.

im not gonna make a big post telling everyone the acount because honistly, i dont remember everyone. and if your no longer someone ill want to watch .. you wont be, sorry.

but for most the seeing the comment tells me you at least gave a shit enough about me that read my journal after a couple years of hardly any activity.

Things haven't gone as planned.
I have verry few ways to talk online anymore.

My Skype is ruffzpaw
Tell me ur a friend from FA and add me, I'll get to ya when I can.

I found out might be anouther year before my situation improves, till then I'm stuck in the Stone Age.

:/ I have shit Internet and only one verry glitchy device to use it on :/

I haven't been on in a long time, and I probably won't be much anymore ether. I'm gonna start over. I really fucked up.

If you really wana keep in touch with me, an know what's going on my twitter is RuffZpaw it's about all I use now. Once I have a place I can call home I'll make anouther FA Account. For now. All I ask is that the next time you see somone screaming for attention and you think their anoying and not giving somone else a turn. Remember their making a seen because they feel like their not being heard. Even the one threatening suicide. The need somone to be their for them.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4596639/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4596652/

above its whats going on in my life.

on top of that ive been dealling with a hellatiouse load of realationship drama like crazy in an asyluum!
and the car fucking broke down
and im still fucking sick...

and i think im just gonna fucking exspload... like nnot "BOOM" but like
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSoomHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHCKCKCKCKCKCKCKKCKCCKCKHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
.............................BBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yea... more like that, if were comparring "BOOM" to a granade, an the second is like a nuke :/


sorry i havent been on ina while, brobly wont be for a while longer.
im sure you can guess why if you-ve read all three journals, i love ya'll. have a happy fucking day!

moms taking me outa school, im just gonna finnish online an get my GED. im getting into to much trouble at school. i kno the material, but i cant play nice. all these stuck up ignorant bigots who think just because their parents spoil them they get to condescending ass holes who think not even the damn teacher can tell them what to do. all of them, the hole fucking school is filled with bitches an bigots an im fucking done!

I HATE HUMANS!

if it dosent get dissmissed, i could be looking at 90-180 days county jail or a big ass fine an alota community service...

heh.. i put fucking 3 ppl in the hospital in one week, and its my own fucking friend that calls the cops on me because i was mad an didnt let go when he tapped while we were wrestling. like WTF!!! im going to jail for playing around and being alittle inconciderate, but i can brake some kids jaw, an anouther kids had an no one dose a think.... FML

Everything I eat lately seams to make me wana puke. For like the past 2-3 days I cant stomach more that 5-6 bite an then I get sick. couldnt even finnish one of my stepfathers amazing cheese cake slices. I hope my tummy stops doing this soon...

conversation between me an someone else relationg to my last journal >>> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4557223/

Him- Uhmm...

wow sorry i hadnt even read that

you shoulda gone for it so you didnt feel so lonely

ME- idk, i might... but its kinda akwerd.

mabye when my parents arnt in the room, its one think to walk in on them by accidaet, its anouther to fuck infront of them :/

HIM- it'd be in the past as soon as it was over and you could just leave

if I had sex for pleasure I'd probably think about it

Me- yea.... no. it woulds cause drama. and thats the last thing i need right now.

their other other guys that are local id rather try with. and sex isent the same thing as comfert.

i want cuddles not sex.

if all i wanted was sex id have gotten it by now.

HIM- You've had it though- a lot of it. its sapose to be special

ME- i want it to be, but...

fucking my stepfathers toys boyfriend deffinalty isent special.

the only way to make it spaecial again is to wait.

HIM- even then, you have so much experience already some things are impossible to become innocent to ever again

ME- thanx for making me feel like shit.

HIM- Those are facts, not opinions. You want something you really won't ever again have again. Innocence and the magic of the first touch by someone you love. Thing is, you've been corrupted to the point of no return and when you're out there searching for cuddles it really doesn't even feel special anymore.
:/ I'm really sorry but I don't know what to say to make you feel better if I know it's really not going to happen.

ME- and thanx for rubbing it in even more!

HIM- In that case- if you know all of this why don't you just stop looking?

ME- because not everyone was a god damn goody two shoes who got to have that special moment like you!

While my father was blowing money one fucking dope and hotel rooms for dumb bitches he'd rather fuck then taking care of his own children somone had pay for everything else!

I DID WHAT I HAD TO! i gave my father half of what i made every week and he never once even asked ware it came from!
im glad you got to have the special first time with once grate love, but i was in a house of 6 and only one was working. and he blew his fucking money on chicks and drugs and promised my sisters a car, and promised to pay for trips with their honner society. how the fuck our we gonna pay 200 dollars in grosheries 100 in gas and 300 for a trip if hes blowing 400 on drugs an a hotel every week!?

i was 13, and my sister was crying because she wouldnt get to go and it would interfer with her abillity to do other more important things latter, and my granmother was worried she was going tpo have to ask the church for money.

so i whent i got my sister her damn trip money, and i gave father what he needed for gas.


FUCK YOU AND YOUR PERFECT FUCKING LIFE.


i still look becase i dont want to be alone for the rest of my life and i honestly beleve that theirs someone out their who will look past it, and acctually car about who i am not what ive done.

yea..... my parents had like 7 peole come over from the bondage fet life group and they all got drunk and had an orgy, i didnt get much sleep, even with silencer head phones in i still heard the damn wip all night.

then latter one of the girls tells me she wants me to dom her boyfriend because he just found out hes bi, and she thinks he could use some dick, :/ ................ sorry, but i refuse to have sex with anyone thats fucked my parents, its just not gonna happen :/

SO FUCKING AKWERD!

If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]

HAVE YOU...

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[x] tried drugs

TOTAL SO FAR: 10

[x] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[x] seen someone die

TOTAL SO FAR: 20

[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] ate a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[x] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar

TOTAL SO FAR: 28

[x] been to a wild party
[x] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[] had a spring break in Florida
[] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[] owned a 50 Cent CD

TOTAL SO FAR: 35

[x] dressed gothic
[x] dressed girly
[x] dressed punk
[x] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[x] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[] fainted
[x] had a crush on a neighbor

TOTAL SO FAR: 43

[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[] installed speakers in a car
[x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house (and same sex, im gay :P)
[] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush

TOTAL SO FAR: 50

[] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] cruised the mall
[x] skipped school
[] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[x] gone to court
[] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[] lied about your age

TOTAL SO FAR: 56

[] owned/rented an apartment/house
[] broke the law in the police's presence
[x] made out with someone who had a GF/Bf
[x] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[x] kissed a stranger
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed

TOTAL SO FAR: 64

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online (Eventually0
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence
[] drank and drove
[x] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex (I did it with same sex, and I'm gay, so....? Yes?)
[x] cheated on a test

TOTAL: 74

like 20 er so. just gone, im not even sure who. while ive gainned around 10 more, im still curiouse, an all honisty i dont blam them, i havent posted much for a while now.
i wish i could post, but right now im still really restricted on that :/
though seeing as i cant find whos missing i must not have known them all that well, but still...

ehh id say their loss, but untill i can post again, i really dont have much for yall im sorry.

got from

-Name: Ruff Z
- Sex: Male
- Birthday: 2/5/1995
- Sign: Aquarius
- Hair color: dark brown
- Eye color: hazel, changes color.
- Height: 5'8
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Gay (mostly)
________________________________________ ____________________________________
S P E C I F I C S
________________________________________ ____________________________________
- What kind of shampoo do you use?: some good smelling all nateral stuff my mom baught me, idk :P
- What are you listening to right now?:the humming of my computer, lolz, as far as music gose latly ive been enjoying Nighcore
- Who is the last person that called you?: my mom.
- How many buddies are online right now?: how would i know?
________________________________________ ____________________________________
F A V O R I T E S
________________________________________ ____________________________________
- Animal: Hyena
- Color: amber
- Drink: STARBUCKS
- Element: water
- Food: strawberrys
- Game: Fallout 3 Game of the year eddition
- Movie:V for Vendetta
- Song: The furry song, by Kurrel the Raven
- Subjects in school: (im going to avoid this topic of evil!)
- T.V.: i dont watch TV
________________________________________ ____________________________________
H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
________________________________________ ____________________________________
- Given anyone a bath: yes
- Smoked?: i dont anymore, and thats all that matters
- Bungee jumped?: No
- Made yourself throw up?: yes
- Skinny dipped?: yes ^^
- Ever been in love?: yup :3
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: heheheee, mabye.
- Actually seen your crush naked?: not all at once :/
- Cried when someone died?: yes
- Fallen for your best friend?: yes
- Used someone?: not in a mean way.
- Done something you regret?: AOTA TINGS!
________________________________________ ____________________________________
C U R R E N T
________________________________________ ____________________________________
- Clothes: some worn black jeans, nothin else
- CD in player: I don't have a Player :P
- DVD in player: nothing, yuor sapose to take the movie out when ur done silly.
________________________________________ _________________________________
L A S T | P E R S O N
________________________________________ ____________________________________
- You touched: myself LMAO
- Hugged: my fur friend from school.
- You kissed: id have to say my recent ex :/
- You IMed: a cute guy in Vergina
- Talk to online: my recent Ex :/
- You sexed it up with: someone im conciddering datting. X3 (not telling till its official!)
________________________________________ ___________________________________
A R E | Y O U
________________________________________ ___________________________________
- Understanding?:more so than people think, and more then i ever let on.
- Open-minded?: as open as i can be.
- Arrogant?: mabye a little.
- Insecure?: unfortunatly id have to say yes to that one.
- Random?: YES
- Hungry?: ALWAYS
- Smart?: yes, though i like pretending im not.
- Moody?: yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :/
- Organized?: some what
- Shy?: NOT AT ALL.
- Difficult?:heheheeeee YES
- Bored easily?: allways.
- Entertained easily?: yup
- Obsessed?: it comes with being a furry.
- Lazy?:i try not to be.
- Angry?: more than i should be.
- Happy?: not often, though im trying.
- Hyper?: more on the calmer side as of late.
- Trusting?: a bit of a coin toss
________________________________________ ___________________________________
R A N D O M
________________________________________ ___________________________________
- In the morning I: wish i could allways stay an cuddle my warm fluffy pillow more.
- Love is: painful.
- I dream about: i dont deam.
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: law line.....
________________________________________ ___________________________________
W H O
________________________________________ ___________________________________
- Makes you laugh the most: ....a frined at school.
- Makes you smile: a cuite guy in Vergina
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: heheheeeeee, i'll never tell!
________________________________________ ___________________________________
D O | Y O U | E V E R
________________________________________ ___________________________________
- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: allways.
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Never!
- Wish you were younger?: FUCK THAT SHIT!
________________________________________ ___________________________________
N U M B E R
________________________________________ ___________________________________
- Of times I have had my heart broken?: ..... well lets just say its been stuck in a blender so many times now all i have is a jar of goop.
- Of Cd's I own: 20
- Of scars on my body: 7
- Of bones I've broken: ..... number of differant bones er number of times X3

Im not looking for anything serious just yet, just someone to be intimate with, just someone i can chat with, and have fun with. somone who i can be affectionate with and get along with. someone who will acctually be here for me.

id like someone local, incase it becomes more intamate, but its not needed.

im varry lonly right now. i just want somone to hold me and tell me they care.....

ive had like 20 guys offer to date me in the past 2 weeks all saying they could o better than you, or i deserved better than you.... but honestly every time they say that it offends me that they think they be better than you. i dont want them. i want you, but.... im not sure if what i want a need are the same thing... everyones said that me trailling after you like a lost puppy aint good fro me, but.... only puppy that are found get to go home.... i feel like the dog catcher is right behind me, and your right infront but were running around a square fence so all we get are glimpsess.

(me talking to Chris....)

im keeping the same species (yenafox) im just thinking about adding modifications to my charicter, like mabye snake bit piercings, bio luminescent tattoos, wings, or something like that...

any ideas?

so Chirs wolfie an i officaly broke up last night. i refuse to be the only person in the relationship whos trying to make it work. we might get back together, but only if he's willing ti acctually fight for me as i fought for him.

i lost 7 friends over him, just defending him. i took every chnce i got to be their for him, even lied to my parents just to stay after school longer so i could text him longer many days, and i let him have space when he asked for it even when all i really needed was comfert. i put as much as i could in the relationship for him, i promised he would allways come first, and he promised me the same.

He had a sagnifigant other aside from me. and at first i was ok with it, but then i comitted myself to him. i promised hed be the only one from me. and he couldnt do th same. as a matter of fact he had told me the other was nothing more than a slightly romantic master/pet relationship. only to let me know 3 months latter that he was inlove with the ohter and didnt even want to talk to me. obviusly i wasent first for him.

until i see he acctully give a damn enought to work for me, and not just say that he want me, im not going to keep waisting my time, energy and affetion on someone who wont return it.

i tryed to take a servay about Gay people and how porn affects them, and i was told i couldnt take the servay because i ahd looked a strait porn within the last month intensionally. lolz. im sorry but if its hot its hot! just because RL femailes dont turn me on dosent mean that on accation i cant like the porn :/

So this is the second day this week that ive slept in and missed the buss. I wont be online in the evenings anymore past 11. I'll get on and start talking and loose track of time. Then in the morning I'll try to get alittle sleep before I go and then i dont even here my alarms. or when i do as I'm getting ready I sit down for a minuet and then I pass out. so im giving myself an internet curfew. I cant afford to miss anymore school. Sorry ya'll but getting outa school is more important right now.

So what do y'all think if i get Snake Bites (piercing on each side of my lower lip)? After I'm out of high school of course and have the money, but Ive thought about it for a while. I've had people say i would look good with them and some say the opposite, but I want to here from people who have mouth and lip piercing's. What kind of stuff should i know before i get them, what are problems you come across while warring them, what should i do as fare as keeping them clean and wares a good place to get it done?

First off, if your are not 18 or older, please close out of this journal and dont read further.

Did you know what you eat can affect how your cum taist, and even how much your body pumps out per orgasm?
ive known this for years, and in all honesty, i think while a person shouldnt give up all their sex secrets, i feel like giving a hand to those who dont already know, and this isent a major secret anyway.

GOOD FOODS

Celery >> helps you cum more per orgasm.
Almonds >> helps increase stamina (10-15 a day for long term affects, 20-50 about 60 minutes before intercourse for immediate results)
Pineapple >> helps remove the bitter flavor and makes it sweeter (all citrus fruit helps make it a little sweeter, but Pineapple dose it the most)

BAD FOODS

Processed Sugar >> gives it that taffy glue flavor. (if you know what im refurring to, when its most prominent is when they have consumed a large amount[as in like two or 3 boxes] of it in the past few days. things like Twinkies, Oreo's, and Wip Cream)
Beef >> gives it a bitter flavor when eaten in access (like having beef as the main part of the meal more than twice a day)


now i'll be honest, i LOVE Oreo's and Celery aint the most flavorful thing in the world, but this is whats been proven. ive hear speculations of other foods and their affects, but i have personal experience, and i know for a fact these ones are true.

were talkin and everythings good.

and id like to say that it really didnt help anything that alot of you kept comoing up in privated and telling me should brake up with him or saying it wouldnt work out, eetc. i have enough insacuritys as is without yall messing with my head. i love this boy, and im never giving up on him.

if ANYONE asks me to lleave my mate again im blocking you. no debate.

idk for how long. were gonna try to work on fixin ourselves... an.... right now im just trying hard not to cry again....