After Renfield passed away, Mordred stopped eating. He had already been having some mysterious health issues that the vet could not pin down. I was feeding him baby food morning and night, but he would only take so much.

I remember bringing him home- this teeny tiny little black rat that was 50% testicles and 100% anxiety. It took him a long time to warm up to people, and he never really developed a taste for cuddling.

As many know, Mordred was a smart cookie. Last year I made them a treat wreath for the holidays by stringing cupcake papers, woodblocks, and treats on some twine then tying it in a loop. My plan was that they would have to work at chewing the treats off the twine... well along comes Mordred who climbs up to the top and snips the end of the twine with his little teeth and just dumps everything on the ground.

He loved being out in the flowers and among the plants. He was the most relaxed when he could stretch out among the pansies.

He will be missed.
My crew is now down to Lancelot, Urien, and Beowulf (who is healing up more, and able somewhat straighten his tail now).

I've honestly been a bit numb for the last few days. I feel like I'm just too tired to cry.
Anyways,
Take care of yourself. Be kind. And like Mordred, stare in disdain at anyone that has the audacity to touch you.

Tentatively accepting some small commissions for June.
I still have some stuff to catch up on, but I could use something to break up the larger projects (I need that dopamine rush that comes from finishing art!)

5 Slots available:
1.  xizana headshot
2.  anniekitty chibi
3.  dragontaur inks
4.
5.

My plan, if nothing gets in my way, is to finish these by the end of June.
If you are looking for a more complex piece (full backgrounds/multiple characters/etc), please understand there will be a delay.

Check my commissions tab for prices

I really debated if I wanted/needed to mention it on here, but here it goes...

Early Friday morning Renfield had a seizure that left him very weak. I already had a half day scheduled for work, and when I came home he had not moved by much. Even though his back legs had been failing him, Renfield had been a very active rat that was still getting himself into all sorts of mischief, so this was a very troubling sign. I held him for a bit as he continued to go down hill and took him to the vet. While there he seized again and had to make the choice to give him a merciful end to his life.
I got to hold him and cried over my little sweet potato. He was such an angel.

Almost 3 years ago I had a dream I was chasing this big agouti rat through a crowded sidewalk trying to catch him, people around me saying "why do you want to catch him? He's not worth it!" Well, it inspired me to start checking the nearby rescues, just to see if there were any agoutis available. I wasn't actually planning to get another rat at the time, I just wanted to look (haha the lies I tell myself!). Suddenly, there he was! Biscuit, an approximately 6 month old agouti male that loves cuddles and treats waiting to be adopted at a new rat rescue that had opened 10 minutes from my apartment. I mulled it over, as if I was going to change my mind about it, before I filled out the papers and took him home.
I changed his name to Renfield and he was my best friend ever since. The rescue told me he had been given up for biting, but it was a training problem because his previous owners fed him treats through the bars. He had a fantastic temperament, and when Petri was having trouble getting up he brought him food. He took care of all the other rats, as well as the humans. You couldn't ask for a sweeter animal.

I miss him terribly. The boys miss him.
I'm just trying to keep busy at the moment , but I might not feel too chatty. I love you all.

Hello hello!

I have been itching to commission a few people, and thought perhaps I should give back to some of my fantastic watchers by commissioning them!

Keep in mind I can't commission everyone, I will mostly be picking a few folks based on being a good fit for my characters and how far I can stretch my commission budget.
If I don't commission you please don't take it as a personal offense! I wish I had an endless budget to commission so many people but it just isn't possible, but hopefully this journal will get you a commission from someone else.

Characters I'm really looking to get drawn

Feral/Monster
Acorus
Cereus
Simia

Humanoid Creature
Argent
Spire
Soliloquy

Regular anthro
Anya Sorry I don't have a proper ref for this one yet

Hello my lovelies!

I've been a busy bunny these past weeks. I was hired to work at an office, mostly doing boring data entry stuff, so I have been back to having full time employment (yay!). Overall it has been night and day compared to my old job! Being told that its okay if I make a mistake because everything can be fixed, compared to being berated for other people's mistakes has been kind of wild!
It's had a much better impact on my overall wellness too- before I really didn't want to work out or really do anything beyond basic self care, but now I am having an easier time committing to a routine and doing the things I know I should. Its amazing how much easier it is to take care of yourself when you don't dread waking up.


How has everyone else been doing? I hope you are well!

It's been a little while since I talked about the babies!

Beowulf is a completely different rat from when I first brought him home. This rat that would cower in his cage and lashed out in fear is now eager to be picked up and cuddled. The other night he was practically dancing while I prepped the bed for him to come out. Now he wants to snuggle up in my shirt and get ear rubs. I don't think most people would have guessed that he was a big cuddlebug when he was at the rescue.

It frustrates me to think that if he hadn't been traumatized he'd probably be someone else's lap rat right now- no fear, no hesitation, just a cuddly little chonk eating cookies and never knowing anything worse than being denied a seventh bit of Oreo. This is what I intend for his life to be from now on, but I deeply wish it had always been his life...

Renfield is starting to really show his age. He's been having trouble walking and recently with the bad weather his arthritis has been awful on him. His leg swelled up and I was so worried he had broken it, but the vets confirmed that it is just advanced arthritis. He's on painkillers and anti-inflammatories right now, but if he doesn't start improving I have to seriously consider the issue of his quality of life. I love him dearly, but I also realize he's nearly 3 which is elderly for a rat. He will be getting spoiled this weekend and all week at the very least.

Hello lovelies,

Like so many, my city is now recommending everyone to shelter in place. It's already taking a toll on some folks so here's some stuff that might make it more bearable.


Calm your anxiety
Putting up a false front of positivity is not going to stop you from feeling like things are falling apart- if you are feeling stressed/anxious/upset reach out to someone.
Be mindful of what and of how much stressful content you are consuming. Even if it's not related to the current pandemic, you can still get your brain worked up- I frequently have this problem from binging "True Horror Stories".
I personally find it helpful to take note of what I can control in my life and making a plan for the future.
This is also a good time to start organizing your bookshelf or clean up your space.
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health.....reduce-anxiety
https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways.....ere-right-now/
Breathing guide
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXZ5l7G6T2I


Virtual Museum Tours
Not as fun as the real thing, but it can help break up the monotony
https://robbreport.com/lifestyle/ne.....ntine-2905827/

Learn some new skills
Most art Youtubers have a code to get two months of Skillshare for free
Here's a giant list of skills you can learn online
https://www.developgoodhabits.com/n.....ills-to-learn/
- I've personally been practicing some sewing and looking up painting tutorials on youtube.

I have some coloring pages available on my art FB
HERE
And many artists have been putting up line art for others to color, especially if you have kids that are bored right now.


Contact your friends and family! Even if you know they are alright, it can be comforting to talk with people you care about. They probably wouldn't mind hearing from you either.


Anyone else have any resources they would like to share?

So good news and bad news fluffs!


Good news: I am working with a few authors to illustrate their books! Its very exciting creating work for publication, and I am looking forward to seeing some of my work in print and on book covers.

Bad news: That means I have almost no time for commissions on here. I don't know for sure but I will likely not be open again until July as I work to finish these pieces.


I will share where to get the books with my art in them when they come available!

Today we reached a big milestone with Beowulf, he actually showed me affection in the form of grooming.

I was able to coax Beowulf into coming out and onto my bed. There he spent a chunk of his time snuggling into my super soft robe and coming up to groom my hair.
It sounds like such a small thing, but it wasn't that long ago that he wouldn't come near my hand except to bite out of fear. He's gone from being a terrified, traumatized rat, to being much closer to a regular pet. He's even started to nip a little more gently, no longer causing gushing wounds on my hands.
It was hard not to overwhelm him with affection, especially after I was able to really feel how soft he is! Much like Renfield, Beowulf has super plush fur.

It really fills my heart to see him acting less and less afraid every day. I have a feeling he's going to turn into a huge snuggler once he realizes what he's been missing this whole time.

Beowulf is finally letting me touch him and I have been able to take him out on the bed for some cuddle time. More and more he is trusting me and getting more comfortable daily interaction.
However, spending more time with him on an open space meant that I could see he wasn't walking quite right; he didn't fully extend his left leg in a normal gait and used the whole foot instead of pushing off with the ball of his foot. It became apparent that he was hurting on his back end as he wouldn't let me touch his rump or back legs at all, which makes picking him up really difficult.

So today I took him to the vet. He did surprisingly well for a rat that wasn't socialized like my other boys were, though he hated the physical exam with a passion and kept looking over at me to make it stop. The vet took x-rays and we were able to clearly see that not only does he have several old fractures on his tail, but a poorly healed fracture on his left leg and possible fracture on his right. Arthritis has set in and is causing him a lot of discomfort. The vet told me that his injuries were the worst she had seen in a rat, especially one so young. We have no idea what caused his injuries, but it had to have weight behind it.

It breaks my heart to know he has gone through this kind of pain, but on the positive side we now have him on pain meds and joint supplements to ease his discomfort.


Also on an even better note, I have a few possibilities on the job front that pay better AND are closer to me.

I've been considering changing it to "Valen-torture" to fit in some ideas that are not specifically "body horror" themed.

I want to take another crack at last years "You Get Under My Skin" , and just really push it further to the horror end.

Ideas I have for this month

"Warts And All" pin up style with blistering skin

"You Take my Breath Away" strangling

"I Only Have Eyes for You" blinding

Maybe other to come, it will really depend on what my schedule turns out to be.

Beowulf- the skittish abused rat from the last journal- accepted food from my hand today. Now he's begging for more.

It started off when I saw him up in his hammock. I opened the door and tried to hand him some of the spaghetti squash I was eating, but he spooked and ran away. To apologize I placed some squash down on the bottom level, near his hiding place, so he could have some anyways. Well, after he gobbled up that piece he ran back up to the top to look for the piece I had dropped earlier then looked back at me as if to say "you got anymore of this stuff?"

So I stuck some more squash through the bars and HE TOOK IT OUT OF MY HAND! Normally I wouldn't give a rat food through the bars because they can develop a bad biting habit, but given how terrified he is of hands I figured it would be easier to build trust this way. After a few treats taken with bars between us, I decide to push the envelope and open the door. He made to dart away but stopped and opted to check out my hand, delighted to find more spaghetti squash.

6 days after coming to live with me and I am slowly gaining his trust.
Plus he is such a delicate little gentleman when he takes food!

Hello lovelies

So Beowulf has been settling in of the last couple of days; he's gone from darting back into hiding as soon as I come in the room, so now casually licking himself on the upper shelf as I sit nearby. He really seemed to relax after I brought Renfield in the room for a little snuggle, so he got to see what he has been missing. I am looking forward to a future where I get to snuggle this cute baby.

Not rat related, but Kuzco, the parakeet that washed up during a storm, has learned the opening theme to Star Trek: Next Gen. He sings along with it when I watch it and it's the cutest thing.

While I am still on the hunt for a new day job, I still find myself with some time on my hands so I might as well make use of it!

3 slots open
All commission types available, check HERE for pricing

1.  fuzzy-britches
2.  dragontaur
3.  cosmickittypretties

I thought I might update the FAQ and it could be entertaining

Do you have any questions about me?

After over 3 years, I finally quit my job as a shipping clerk.
I was going nowhere, and being thrown under the thumb of a terrible manager did not help. This guy kept arguing with me over things he didn't even know, even when I could prove to him that he was wrong he would dig in and say that I (or my coworker) must have done something wrong. He doesn't even know basic Excel!
My coworker, who is replacing me, was chatting with tech support to figure out a problem with some orders that did not import. He wants to do this over the phone and starts looking through our old handbook for the number for tech support and gets pissed that he can't find it. He turns on me right after I get back from lunch:
"Where's the number for tech support"
"Just go to the question mark in the task bar and it will show you the number"
"But where is the [new program] handbook?" *waving the old binder in my face*
"We don't have one"
"We have to have one! Where is it?!"
"We do not have a handbook. Everything is on their website."
He throws the old binder back in the drawer next to my coworker and slams the drawer closed, making her jump. Meanwhile she had already got the number for the tech support! He refused to listen to her and instead tried to call our rep for the program, but couldn't get through because you have schedule a call with her!

He made it very easy to leave that job.


In the meantime, I am working through commissions and looking for new work. There's been some places looking for inventory clerks and such, so I am hopeful I will find a place where communication happens in a reasonable and adult fashion.


Also my shit grandparents did not write me a Christmas hate letter this year! YAY!!
Yeah, they used to just write me (and everyone else) a letter in December to wish me a Merry Christmas and detail how much they think my views/opinions are stupid and that I disappoint them in every way. I think they finally got the message that I don't want to be part of that family, so I am so happy to not have any more contact with them!

Hello my lovelies!

I am opening for a few small illustrations

Busts
Sketch- $5
Ink- $15
Flat- $20
Shaded- $25

Half Bodies
Sketch- $10
Ink- $20
Flat- $25
Shaded- $35

Chibis-
$15

Fully Body
Sketch-$20
Ink- S25
**Currently not open to Color for Full Body**



Only 5 (five) Openings
1.  xizana
2.  poesraven
3.  bluenire
4.  dragontaur
5.  xizana


Comment below to claim.
No claiming all slots, may claim a max of 2 slots

Hey lovelies!
I designed a cute little rat wreath for the rescue that I got my boys from.

Check it out!
Here

It means a lot to me that I am able to help this rescue in any small way. My boys mean the world to me, and I know so many people and rats have benefited from their work.

Not sure how to begin on this, so I guess I will just throw myself into it.

Lately I've been thinking of quitting my current day job. Things have been rough around there, and the office manager has a knack for making us feel like we are only screwing up and never do anything right. I say we because my other coworker feels the same way and we have both expressed this sentiment.
His communication is garbage, and sometimes i think it's on purpose. He will ask me "what's going on with this"- keep in mind I will not know what "this" is and have to ask him at least twice to clarify what he is talking about. For example
Him: What's going on with this?
Me: With what?
Him: This! *gestures at an order on his screen, however the company category is usually not visible so I can't tell which order it is by just the numbers*
Me: Which order is that/which company is that for?
Him: *numbers*
Me: Whose order? Which company???
Him: *company name*
Me: *looks it up in my system, can't see anything immediately wrong, checks tracking and can't see anything immediately wrong* Uh, what seems to be the problem?
Him: You tell me.

Shit like that is pretty common. It makes me feel like I am being interrogated, and does not help me fix any of the problems- in fact my coworker and I have been making more mistakes as we are perpetually on edge about what we might mess up. This is not effective management.
Plus he constantly interrupts me when I'm in the middle of doing something- one time I was interrupted 5 times while putting in a SINGLE order.

Also I just don't feel like the amount of stuff I do is appreciated. No one else knows how to write HTML templates, so I am the one making all the custom email templates for the clients. I rewrote our manual because 1)the original is too wordy and terrible is you are trying to find that one set of instruction on how to do that one thing 2) it's outdated anyways. Never acknowledged. I don't expect to be praised and put on a pedestal, but I would appreciate a "thank you" when I have to go out of my way to fix technical problems and do extra work of my own accord.

I was admonished for using an exclamation point in my email...

I could go on, but I think you get the gist that this is less than ideal.


Aside from looking for another job (ugh, I hate starting over again), I have been commissioned to illustrate 3 more book covers from the same publisher I did the last one for. YAY!
So many challenges as I am not a painter by practice, but I get to paint dragons so that's always a plus. I will post more information as soon as I am able to.
At least it gives me something to be excited about.

Its been a month, I might as well holler at the four people that read my journals.


First off, Inktober.
I had fully intended to participate this year; I had planned ahead with sketches, and set up challenges that I wanted to tackle (portraying sheer fabric, emphasizing form, etc). However...

I'm illustrating a book cover instead! Woohoo!!!
Honestly, I'm just so excited! It's going to be a challenge, and definitely a learning experience.

My regular work has been kind of awful, but there is a hilarious update about Tweedledum. I don't recall if I mentioned that he was fired a few months back, but some people keep up with his Snapchat. Well this absolute turnip gets into a car accident and straight up admits on Snapchat that he was drunk while driving.
I don't use Snapchat, so I don't know the details of how it works, but I am pretty sure someone has saved that post and sent it to the cops. Good job. A+ stupidity. This basically closes the book on that asshole.

Anyways,
I hope everyone is having a good October. Be safe, hug your loved ones, and don't snapchat your drunk driving.

I have never really done a watcher appreciation post- mostly because I forget to, but also because I never had any great ideas.

To rectify this I think I thought it would be nice to have people share their favorite work here! I pop into some folks galleries when I get a new watcher, and a lot of you folks are so awesome! ((Heck, you're following me, so you are awesome by default, haha!))


Comment with a link to your current favorite piece that you have done. Maybe it was a piece that challenged you and forced you to learn something new in the process, or maybe it was just a cute doodle that you have very fond memories attached to it. It doesn't have to be just drawn art, it can be stories, poems, music , etc.

If you don't have any works of your own, feel free to link to a piece by another artist that you think deserves some love.

So... for the past couple of months, wild rats have plagued my garden. While I know they are just trying to survive (and probably felt like they hit the jackpot), I just wish they wouldn't chew up every single vegetable in reach.
However, the coyotes are back in my neighborhood. I occasionally see them in the dark hours of the morning, or late at night. The neighbors and I just accept them- the general consensus being that they live here too. One of these coyotes hangs out next to my place, since there's a rabbit warren behind me.

Well, yesterday morning there was a chewed up rat left outside my front door. At first I thought it might be my neighbor's cat, but it was clearly chewed up and spat out like gum. Most likely, one of my neighbors had put out poison for the rats and the foul taste simply made it unpalatable to the coyote, but I still like to think the coyote was trying to show his appreciation for letting him and his friends hang around.


Bird Stuff

Nazca, my little chubby fluff, has a crush on my mom's Amazon parrot, Gidget... this is hilarious! He's trying his darndest to impress her. The size difference alone is comical, but he is determined to win her heart.
Gidget + Nazca 4ever

Found some great mood music for working on projects.

I also just wanted to slip in that no one else in my office knows HTML, so I had to teach them how to format things in our new program and it tickles me that I learned most of the HTML skills for this from using sites like DA and FA. Really, what we are doing is that basic.... but I'm not too surprised, since I keep having to explain how to change the printer setup for legal paper...

https://youtu.be/27e0A74_4Lc

https://youtu.be/p9cj9faH_Zs

https://youtu.be/PQH7vDJBW1k

Salutations!

That high pitched noise you are hearing is the sound of my sanity snapping as I try to finish multiple illustrations and edit a video... why do I do this to myself???

Also trying to teach some people at work how HTML works, so that I am not the only person there that knows how to format the templates. The funny thing is I learned most of that from being on all these websites (predominately DA and FA), so I am mostly guessing at half the stuff I've been doing.
Then there's the one manager that keeps insinuating that I have control over some export error... even though it has nothing to do with anything I am touching and looks to me like a formatting error on the programmer's side, not mine.

Garden had to be ripped up, as everything but us has been eating the veggies. Rats kept eating the corn, despite the sonic repeler (it doesn't even keep the dog out) and some big grubs moved into the squash vines. So far the sweet potatoes are all that's left untouched.

In rat news, all four are now peacefully living together. Mostly peacefully... I have caught Urien and Lancelot cuddled up with Renfield, and a few times Mordred has let Lancelot sleep with him. It has definitely calmed the babies down quite a bit, now that they are forced to learn proper rat manners!
Urien is still a hyperactive little dork though. The other night, something spooked him so he ran over to me for comfort... only problem is that I was laying on my side and he rammed right into my eye- nothing like going to work and having to explain why your eye is all red.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

That's what I'm calling my face right now...

Last weekend I helped my mom pull up the corn from her garden, and ended up getting overheated.
My face is COVERED in blisters. The only spots that didn't get covered are my eyelids and around my mouth, but everywhere else is a mess. I figured it would just go away in a couple of days, but a week later and its just barely gone down. Now that some of it is drying out and my skin is peeling off I am trying not to rip my face off.

Moral of the story- drink plenty of water, and stay out of this heat as much as possible.

Wishing you all the best