I'll keep this short and sweet and to the point. I was terminated from my job over a week ago due to a technicality. I'm doing what I can to pull my shiz together, but this is the first time I've ever been fired, so I have a lot going against me emotionally.

Anyway, I'm trying to use this time to catch up on old written commissions and I'm tentatively taking short new commissions at $5/500 words, no more than 2000 words per story to keep things easy on myself and make sure I carry through. If you're interested, please note me and we'll talk. If you already commissioned me, please note me so we can get things going on that.

That's about it. Have a great day everyone.

Not only did he so perfectly explain all the reasons why I have to keep my mouth shut every time folks exclaim what a wonderful love story Romeo and Juliet is, but he also helped me see it from a different perspective that makes sense!

Be sure to check out the video >>>HERE<<< and let me know what you think :3

Be good, and if you can't be good than be safe! I'm stuck at another site at work for ten hours, so have a mug of eggnog for me :3

Lots o' lub mah friends.

I don't know what happened, and I don't need to know. You were there, and now you're gone. You said you would still be there for me, and then fell into silence. I had thought, had hoped, you were finding your own happiness. Finally focusing on yourself. Gods know you needed it. So I waited. After trying to reach out a few times and smacking my hand against a wall of silence, I waited. Waited for the day you could reach out to me and tell me you finally healed. Waited for the day you could come to me and say you were finally, truly happy. Yet when the silence stretched on to an unbearable cacophony, I looked into the dark shadows where you sometimes seemed to linger, just your silhouette barely visible, standing watch, waiting for when I might need your strength. There was no silhouette. No scent of cinnamon and sage lingering faintly in the air. Suddenly, as with so many other times in my life, you slipped away without a word.

I don't know what happened. I have my guesses, yet I don't need to know. I just need to know you're going to be okay. I just need to know that it wasn't empty or hollow words we exchanged when last we spoke. I just need to know that you'll return to my life someday, as you always have before, when circumstances allow. I just need to know that this last time hasn't shattered you beyond repair. I just need to know that you know you still have a friend in me, even if I'm far from a good friend. I just need to know that you know I still care about you, and want you to be okay. I just need to know that you're going to be okay.

Please be okay?

Most of the newer Watchers were met at RF. This is not my writing account though. This account is strictly a personal account, with personal updates and commissions just of my personal fursona. If I ever include her or Nicky (amenthor's fursona) in a story that isn't getting published, I'll also post those here.

For now, stories and poetry can be found on my  nitescratches account. I might make a more Munchkin written account since I'm being known more and more as such, but until then it's Nitescratches.

For more pretty artwork, feel free to check out  nitetigrezz. I'm an artist of words not pictures, so there's a wide variety of lovely artistry there of far more characters than Munch. The gallery is mostly made of pictures of Nite, with every other character in my scraps.

Also I'm slowly moving all my adopts to  ~AL and you can catch the occasional freebies and sale there.

I think that should cover everything. Have a good night!

P.S.
To my old Watchers, yes I will be working toward updating my other accounts, hopefully by Monday.

Bumping that long journal off my front page and admitting that I finally caved in and got a twitter account x.x It's specifically for my furriness as well as writing.

On that note, I currently have a freebie going on to break it in that I hope can become a regular thing. Feel free to check it out! You can find me MunchsizedRants.

I'm glad you came to play!
The fun and learning never ends;
Here's what we did today!

...can you tell I'm not all there yet?

Seriously though, my apologies to all for being so absent for so long. When amenthor finally got weekends off with me though, RL came a-knockin' we ran a-answerin'. Or something like that. Now that summer is over though things should be winding down, so hopefully more activity on here.

Went to Rainfurrest this weekend and unlocked several achievements, most times without even meaning to XD Let's look at the list!

Friends of Gold, Friends of Silver:
Meet up with old friends and make some new ones.

Oh the Humanity!
Laugh so hard at a game of Cards Against Humanity that I start to tear up.

The Lone Femme of Humanity:
Be the only girl at a table for CaH (both years now!).

The Art Whore:
Buy at least five pieces of art.

The Charitable Art Whore:
Bid on (and win!) three pieces of art from the art show (all money goes to the charity).

A Matched Set:
Buy a badge for amenthor that matches the one I have.

Staff Infection:
Be threatened... er... promised with possible staff duties for next year.

The Well-Groomed Munch:
Buy my first set of cat ears that match up for my fursona.

The Charitable Munch:
Contribute something for the charity auction for the first time.

The Helpful Munch:
Help out the writing track in setting up or breaking down (both on Sunday!).

The Munch-sized Munch:
"Why don't you stand up?" "She's already standing!"

The Yowling Munch:
Speak on a podcast for the first time.

The Professional Munch:
Speak on a writing panel for the first time (x4!).

The Scribing Munch:
Take part in this year's writing competition...

The Honorable Munch:
...and get Honorable Mention two years running!

Ménage à trois:
Drag two others into the writing competition who have never attempted it before ( amenthor And inpcommander)

My Kingdom for Some Brain Bleach!
Survive being an author for Flash Fiction Jam - Bad Fiction Edition.

I'm Officially Official!
Get published for the first time.



So a few explanations and a couple of plugs are in order.
~The Charitable Munch- I had all the authors involved in the anthology sign a copy so it could go into the auction. It helped that there were no more prints available by midday Saturday.
~The Munch-sized Munch- This actually happened at the Closing Ceremonies when the HMs were announced XD
~The Yowling Munch- I was invited to Fangs and Fonts' "Shit Writers Say" and it was a blast. According to Tarl aka The Voice, it was the most intense episode they had. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but he had a big shit-eating grin when saying that if that helps. I'll link to their page once I get to an actual computer.
~The Professional Munch- I officially spoke on four writing panels this year, though I really didn't feel like the flash fiction panel was so much something to speak in as a shared trip into sadomasochism (more on that later!). The Collaborative Writing one was meh, but it was a non smut panel at 10pm so I was expecting that xp I was humbled during Writing 101 with the big name authors that were there, but I'd like to think I contributed at least a bit to it. Oddly enough, the one I was dreading the most, The Dreaded Mary Sue, was the one I had the most fun with of the three. I think it helped that it was held in the suite, so there was more of a casual feel to it.
~The Scribing/Honorable Munch- Yes, I will be reworking my entry for next year's anthology. It should be a fun one.
~My Kingdom for some Brain Bleach- Not only was it three authors writing at their worst for an hour based on suggestions given by the audience, we were feeding each other ideas along the way. Not only did we read these wretched little monsters out loud, we were recorded reading them. As if this wasn't masochistic enough, the challenge has been set to grab the recording once it's posted and to share it on our fa's. To up the ante, I even saved my story so I can post it with the recording. Be afraid, be very afraid!
~I'm Officially Official- Yep, I'm finally a published author! Tech Flesh is the third story in Furtual Horizons along with stories by Kyell Gold, Tarl "The Voice" Hoch, Ocean Tigrox, and Shelly and David Alan just to name a few! It's definitely an honor to be published in the same anthology as such well-established writers and new promising writers and I hope I can join them again for next year's anthology. You can buy your copy now for $10 at FurPlanet. This is a non-for-profit and all the money will be going to charity.



That wound up being a whole lot longer than I planned x.x Sorry for the rambling and any bad grammar or anything but I'm typing this all up on my phone and still feel half asleep >.<

Yesterday was a real eye opener for me. The straw that broke this camel's back. I won't go into details here because I'm trying to focus more on the game plan for how to change it.

I'm going back to the eating plan I'd started two years ago. That means no gluten, no dairy, no night shades, no corn, low artificial sugars. I can't cleanse the same way I did the first time since we don't have a juicer anymore, but I'm going to start with two or three cheat days a week. I noticed I had a lot more energy and focus while eating that way, and I craved fatty foods less and less. I'm also weaning myself off of caffeine. I've already recently dropped from three cups of black tea a day to one. I'm going to stick with it for a couple weeks before dropping down to half a cup then to green tea. Once the ball gets rolling on this, I'm going to focus on six small meals a day so my blood sugar becomes more regulated throughout the day.

I've also started yoga in the morning. Spirit wakes me with him, and we get to talk and spend a bit of time together before he leaves for work. Then I boot up the DVD and do a half hour of yoga before getting ready for work. It's a great way to start the day on a positive note through and through. I'm also going to start actually making use of the gym for our apartment. Core training and cardio will be the main focus, with upper body and arms second, and legs last. I'm still working the entire body, but my cardio has always been full of suck, with my upper body and arms a very close second. I'm also going to be roving more at my site. My goal is to be able to go down And up all the stairs within both buildings by the end of the year.

I'm improving the temple so that the soul it houses will feel that much more worth enriching. Next spring I'm going to start writing classes and focus more on my skills in it. I'm also going to do a lot of searching to figure out what career to pursue and what to do to make it happen.

I'm done not liking the munchkin in the mirror. I'm done feeling like I'm wasting away at work. I have an amazing, supportive man by my side. There's every reason to start today. It's time to make better use of my time. It's time to focus on me and my well being, be it physical, mental, emotional, And spiritual. Because I'm worth it. The "someday eventually" is today. I'm done procrastinating.

Weather is supposed to reach the 90s next week. Spirit is starting as site supervisor next week, and we can't sleep well at all when it's warm. So we decided to cave in and buy an AC unit.

Here's the problem. Our windows are funky so we need a portable AC. Every single place out here is sold out, except for Fry's. The cheapest one Fry's has is $400+tax, so almost $450 total. We tried Craig's List, but it looks like we found where all the ACs went. People are selling them still in the box for double what they paid for them. Greedy assholes. I'd rather pay full price at retail and hope those bastards get stuck with every last one of them than deal with them.

So now the question becomes, how to make $450 before next week? x.x

Bumping the last journal off my front page. Might do an interview meme later since I can't view images here x.x

Stay fuzzed.

Disclaimer needed? Oh by the gods yes x.x

Disclaimer: Please don't take anything said in Munchsized Rants personally. I find myself guilty of most of the things I want to bitch about, so just because someone's guilty of any of them doesn't automatically put an 'I hate you' stamp on their forehead. It just makes me secretly snicker or rant or rave or pester, depending on my relationship with the person. There's a reason I'm posting these on my personal account versus something more popular, like my nitetigrezz account, or something more appropriate yet still with significantly more watchers, like my nitescratches account. I'm not looking to start a flame war. I just need a place to let my little prejudice Ishaan air out. Thank you for your understanding. Now let the rant begin!

.....

-head desks- Okay, I'm about to date myself a bit here. This is something that has make that muscle under my right eye twitch on countless occasions. It's really kind of stupid of me to have a face palm moment every single time I see it considering the poster girl for my main account is an indigo striped toyger with fiery tipped hair, but this is my journal and I'm allowed to be a hypocrite, damn it!

First, a little bit of history. I had joined yiffy.tk back when it was yiffy.net, had under a hundred members, and had a grand spanking total of six message boards, all rp related. There was no chat, no game boards, no real ooc talk. We were there for the multi-paragraph, at times multi-page posting rp's.

It was also habit that one character suited all your needs. You kept the look and basic personality, but changed history and clothing as needed. It worked out really well for a site that wasn't art-based in the least. And because it wasn't art-based, there was no real need to have outstanding physical attributes to make a character unique. It was far more valuable to have personality quirks that were there own. So the most interesting character could be a simple grey wolf, but have the ability to turn into a spirit form and have true life despite being a familiar. Really, the more true to form the character was physically, the more serious it could be taken. Even having red eyes on a black wolf was a head turner. Leah, my black winged kitty, was mainly okay because I managed to give her an attitude and back story to keep her respectable, not to mention she was a bit more toward the end of that wonderful era.

To sum up, my first real introduction to furry was realistic coloring and markings plus cool character traits made a great character. Unusual features or hybrids could work as long as there was reason and an interesting character to go with it. Unrealistic coloring and markings were simply not taken seriously. At all. Hell, even Nite's original form, a black tigress with midnight blue stripes and black hair - so mellow compared to the face you know today! - only worked because we had such a crazy rp going where both of us were posting multiple paragraphs at a time with such fine detail while keeping things interesting.

So you can imagine the transition my mind had to make when I moved to FA. In all honesty, it still hasn't really made that transition in full. Nite, the way you know her now, was the first time I have myself real permission to ~fully~ go wild. No wings, no multiple tails. Just her coloring alone was me going wild.

Now don't get me wrong. For the most part I'm cool with most colorful creations these days. Just take a quick browse through the scraps of my main account and you'll see as much. For some reason though - I can't even say why - it drives me up the wall when I see characters with gratuitous star markings. I can count on one hand the number of people with these characters who are such wonderful people that I don't even care anymore. For the other 97%, of you, please dear goblins at least have a halfway decent reason than a tattoo that wouldn't even be seen through the fur anyway because oh look, fur! or dye that wouldn't even last a month because fur sheds and the ones that don't shed will be fucking shaggy by the end of the month from lack of trim!

I don't know why stars in particular make me twitch like this. I guess they're just ranking right up there with rainbow fur and multiple cocks and 'let's slap wings on it to make it as unique as the millions of other winged things that shouldn't have wings!'. I just can't take them seriously.

I dunno. I do have one character I rp with sometimes who has three small stars on her person. However, this character has never stepped foot outside of the world Spirit and I built, is mainly a side character/plot mover, and the three stars are mainly used as a game (guess where all three are on my body and you'll get to kiss them). It's silly, done for fun, and the character is all monotone colors to balance it out. So nyah!

.....

Okay, I feel better now. This has been a MunchSized Rant. If you detested this, then instead of bringing the torches and pitchforks just nuke the damned journal anytime you see 'MunchSized Rant'. Otherwise, open discussion is welcomed in the comments. Thank you!

I really want to take a hiatus from fa for the month v.v

Disclaimer needed? Yeeeeah, disclaimer needed.

Disclaimer: Please don't take anything said in Munchsized Rants personally. I find myself guilty of most of the things I want to bitch about, so just because someone's guilty of any of them doesn't automatically put an 'I hate you' stamp on their forehead. It just makes me secretly snicker or rant or rave or pester, depending on my relationship with the person. There's a reason I'm posting these on my personal account versus something more popular, like my nitetigrezz account, or something more appropriate yet still with significantly more watchers, like my nitescratches account. I'm not looking to start a flame war. I just need a place to let my little prejudice Ishaan air out. Thank you for your understanding. Now let the rant begin!

.....

Ref Sheets

Heavy shading. Drives. Me. Fucking. Bitching. Nuts.

Granted, I used to oo and ah over this too. It makes the art look pretty. After reading some rants from other artists though, it does tend to make me twitch because what they have to say makes so much sense x.x A ref sheet is supposed to be that: A sheet of reference to make certain the character will have the accurate colors and markings in any future artwork. So how the hell is shading the reference supposed to help other artists out with this? If anything, nine-times-out-of-ten it just makes things that much more challenging for any other artist using it to have a good grasp on the accurate tones you want the colors in.

On that same note, convoluted ref sheets filled with frills and sparkles and pretties all over the place might make it more attractive, but it makes me want to bash the artist over the head with some of those sparklies. How can I take something like that to another artist and feel confident they're going to do my character justice while watching them go cross-eyed trying to make heads or tails of it? This is why I've always been so careful about who I commission. Give me a straight-forward ref sheet with little to no shading and a plain as dirt background over the fancy crap any day x.x

And on a more professional note, I can't stand being handed ref sheets with lots and lots of word vomit. I mean where the entire life story and personality of a character Must be mapped out on the same ref sheet showing me a close up of their vah-jay-jay. The whole point of ref sheets is to portray your character in a visual way so people can have an easier time portraying their physical aspects. This can be very difficult in word form. Even expressions and favorite outfits can be best portrayed with a visual representation. And hell, if you're planning on getting pictures featuring their kitty or rooster, go right ahead and throw in all the detail of the mews and cock-a-doodles you want!

The ref sheet of my munch does have some word vomit, but that's mainly to point out some very specific ~physical~ points that most artists would overlook. Species, arm length:torso ratio, height, the fact that her feet are digitigrade... all the things you'd want pointed out for various forms of artwork. However, you won't find anything in the way of personality. The only non-physical bit of info there is her DoB. Why clutter up that important ~physical~ detail with things that have nothing to do with the physical? All it does is make it that much more difficult to find the information actually needed for the physical. Even in the nice neat organized ref sheets, when you have a bunch of info about your character, it still feels like you have to go on a huge hunt to find that information when it's stuffed on a ref sheet. For the sake of your commissionees, please for the love of all that's fluffy, scaled, or feathered, leave words where words go, in the artist comments. It won't only make it easier to find the information needed for what you're getting commissioned, but allows you, the owner of the character, that much more freedom to arrange and organize in such a way that actually makes sense, and you won't need tiny writing on a huge-ass picture to make it work.

It doesn't seem like something that should concern a writer, but you gotta remember that in order to make a story about ~your character~ and not some other random neon pink and puke brown rainbow unicorn with black sparkles and ten orange tentacles with cyan spikes on its three green and purple striped tails, I need to be able to include descriptors that are unique to ~your~ neon pink and puke brown rainbow unicorn with black sparkles and ten orange tentacles with cyan spikes on its three green and purple striped tails, and a good amount of that comes from the physical. If I can't make out what this physical is, or that's actually sky blue spikes instead of cyan, chances are you're not going to be very happy with the end product. So keep your ref sheets clean, simple, and to the point, and you'll make so many artists and even writers very, very happy.

.....

Okay, I feel better now. This has been a MunchSized Rant. If you detested this, then instead of bringing the torches and pitchforks just nuke the damned journal anytime you see 'MunchSized Rant'. Otherwise, open discussion is welcomed in the comments. Thank you!

It might just be because we haven't gone to any caves at all this summer so far x.x But I'm itching/craving/needing/wanting/yearning a cave exploring character! I know I know it sounds silly, but despite my mild claustrophobia, I felt so comfortable down there. Even when we got turned around thanks to an elongated and lopsided figure 8 cave, I managed to stay perfectly calm while both Spirit and our friend began to freak out >.> Mainly because I knew if worse came to absolute worst, we could leave a stone or something as a signifier and follow one wall, keeping an eye open for that stone again. If we came across it, we could follow the other wall and simply find our way out that way. Of course, the guys had to try their way first before so much as bothering to listen, which mostly consisted of "No, I'm sure we came this way! Are we going in circles again? Crap, let's go That way!" that edged on panic *sighs* But still! As sadistic as it sounded, even then I had fun! The only thing that sucked was that afterward our friend didn't want to so much as look at another cave again (not even an easy through and through where even a five year old couldn't get lost), while I was ready to tackle even more challenging caves, so that kind of killed the rest of the trip v.v

Anywaaaaay, I have no clue what species or anything >.< I just know I want Someone who shares that love and passion. I think I want to try to use one of my already-existing characters, but who? O.o

Blargle *flops* Rambly Munch izh rambly xp

So in light of all the crap that's been happening, Spirit pulled a few awesomes. Not only are we going to PAX Prime in August, not only are we going to Rain Furrest, but he managed to find the tickets for The End's Summer Camp, which is a full day concert featuring a whole bunch of groups we both really like, and for almost twenty bucks cheaper than buying them through the site!

I can't wait till August now :D

Ontop of that, Friday will be game night in Everet, and Tuesday Spirit will have the final interview with the client. If all goes well, he'll be promoted to site sup officially and have weekends off with me -happy dances-

Not going to linger on what's loss, not going to wallow on the shoulda woulda coulda. I'm going to keep my face turned to the sun and let the warmth sink in. There's too much good in this life to dwell in the darkness. Perhaps that's why there's such a distance between Nite and me now. I'm done with clinging to the cold dead moon and distant stars. I'd rather rejoice in the warmth of the lively sun. The night can hide so much ugliness and terrors. I no longer fear what the light of day might reveal because my life, with all the problems I still have, isn't such an ugly thing anymore. I know who I am now, and thanks to my Spirit, my mate, my sunshine, I can happily embrace the person I'm becoming. He's so good to me, that I ~want~ to be better for him. He invites me into the sunlight, and it doesn't burn or blind when I'm with him.

Wow. The knowledge has been there for quite some time, but it's still a revelation seeing it all come together like this. Just... Wow....

Accomplishment. I need to feel that now. It's driving me up the wall. I was doing well before her death, but now, with all the ways my ma's family trying to screw her over every which way she turns I've got to find that feeling even though I feel so drained beyond drained. I'm trying. I've been taking steps to finishing up my adopts account so I can get organized there. I'm working to clean up my notes so I can actually keep track of things there. I finally started cleaning up Tech Flesh so it can be published. I even have a stenograph sitting on my desk, just waiting to be used. I'm saying no to ot this weekend (other than today) just so I can get things completed and feel accomplished again. Maybe it's the foolish hope that it'll bleed more into the real world and I can be a more worthy mate but I don't know. I just... need this.

I had decided to go through my old notes in my Nitetigrezz account, starting with the oldest. Spanning back over the past four or five years, I only got through about four out of 31 pages before I had to stop for the night.

There's so much history in those notes. So many commissions never completed xp character descriptions, art approvals, how are yahs... words of unshakeable friendship from people I haven't heard from in years. Those are the most emotionally draining. I know without a doubt that I can be a difficult friend to have. I poof so often and grow quiet for so long that it's easy to give up on me. On top of that, I've changed over the years. I'm not the same girl I was four years ago. But reading some of these notes... people so certain they would be there for me no matter what, only to fade away with the rest.... There's a dull, tiring pain that goes with it. It's so easy for me to make friends. Keeping them seems to be the hardest thing.

I dunno. I'm just... drained.

Last Person That



Slept in your bed besides you?
amenthor

Saw you cry?
amenthor or my dad

You went to the movies with?
amenthor

You went out to dinner with?
amenthor

You talked on the phone to?
Employee at my building. Outside of work though, amenthor

Made you laugh?
Half-heartedly? My co-worker. Honest full laugh? amenthor

I think I'm seeing a trend >.>



Would You Rather


Pierce your nose or your tongue?
Eh, neither, but if I had to choose... nose I guess?

Be serious or be funny?
Funny, all the way.

Drink whole or skimmed milk?
2%

Die in a fire or drowning?
Neither >.< Umm, drowning I think.

Spend time with your parents or enemies?
Parents, definitely. My ma drives me crazy, but I love 'em.



Are You?


Simple or complicated?
First glance, simple. Step into the rabbit hole though....

Straight, gay or bisexual?
Straight, though I'm definitely a fan of breasts :3

Tall or short?
At just under 5', I'm a shorty xp

Right handed or left handed?
Originally left, but my parents shoved me to the right.

A lover of music or a lover of books?
I can't be both? O.o



Do You Prefer


Flowers or sweets?
Depends on the kind....

Grey or black?
Black, though grey has it's place.

Color photos or black-and-white photos?
Depends on what's pictured and the mood it's going for.

Sunrise or sunset?
Another toughy. Love the colors of the sunset, but more and more I've been appreciating the promise of a new day.

M&Ms or Skittles?
Entirely depends on my mood x.x

Staying up late or waking up early?
Like the question of the sunrise/sunset, I love sleeping in but it feels amazing at times when you realize you have the whole day ahead of you with the one you love.

Sun or moon?
Sun for the warmth, Moon for the beauty.

Winter or Autumn?
Autumn. I'm so done with winter x.x At least for now xp

10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?
You have to ask? Quality over quantity, any day.

Rainy or sunny?
This is bad for someone living in the Seattle area, but dear sweet jeebus I've missed the sun x.x

Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?
Chocolate bay-bay!

Vodka or Jack?
Vodka, but only if it's Kai.



About You


What time is it?
Now? 1737. What? I'm at work, so it's military time or stfu xp

Name?
Laura

Nicknames?
Nite, Niti, Nitikins, Nitekitty, Nitekitten, Nitestripes, Nininite, Munchkin, Munch, Munchkin Butt, Munchy, Fluffy Butt, Kinthemunch, Muncheekin, Kitten, Kitty, Hello Kitty, Kitty Cat, Shorty, Short Stack, Short Stuff, Short Round, Short Shit, Ewok, and at one point Trinket.

When is your birthday?
May 7th

What do you want?
Just to have a happy and fulfilling life with my mate. Aaaand for my uncle to fuck off and die. And maybe to win the lotto. That would be nice.

How many kids do you want?
o.o Umm, one or two? Maybe three? I dunno....

What would you name a girl?
Not sure yet. Maybe Carolyn, or Sadira, or Kaitala, or Amor.

What would you name a boy?
Lewis Russell

Do you want to get married?
Very much so.

What kind of music do you like?
Depends on my mood. It can range from classical to rap to folk to techno to hard rock to alternative... there's even a bit of western I like XD



Unique


Nervous habits?
Chew on my inner cheek and fiddle with things.

Are you double-jointed?
Nope, though my ankle can roll in ways that have freaked people out XD

Can you roll your tongue?
Nuh-uh. Sorry guys xp

Can you raise one eyebrow?
Not really.

Can you cross your eyes?
No way, though I do get a lazy eye when I'm tired.



Random


Which shoe goes on first?
Usually right, but not always.

On average, how much money do you carry with you?
Ten bucks and a debit card.

What jewelry do you wear?
A ruby heart ring amenthor gave me our first V-day together, one half of the binding rings we bought while in South Dakota that are matching bands of black hills gold, a Support Our Veterns band my dad got me, a watch for work, and a pair of simple gold earrings for my ears.

Do you twirl or cut spaghetti?
Twirlers have more fun :3

Have you ever eaten Spam?
Yes, after it was sliced and fries lightly on a pan. It was actually tasty o.o

Favorite ice cream?
Does strawberrycello count? How about rainbow sherbert? Ube? Watermelon sorbet? If not, then either Reeces, cookies and cream, or chocolate chip cookie dough.

How many kinds of cereal are in your cupboard?
I think we have two or three enormous bags, but that's more amenthor's thinf.

Can you cook?
I... can make a salad!



Last


Alcoholic beverage?
Elysian's Men's Room, a really good red beer :3

Car ride?
Local? To work. That wasn't local? Cross country from Boston to Seattle with amenthor So much fun!

Song played?
Oh lordy, I think my coworker played Smooth Criminal earlier. And A Whole New World when he was figuring out a parady for it xp

Person you saw?
Employee leaving the building. Outside of work, amenthor

Time you cried?
Sunday. Tried watching Summer Wars when it struck too deep a cord with my grandmother's death.

Fought?
I think the last fight I had was the old friend I had to let go of when they refused to agree to disagree. Last Real fight though was, almost a year ago. My ma is the only person to date who's ever driven me to the point of screaming. At least in anger....

Spirit and I paid for a plane ticket for my ma to fly out tonight. I don't really know what else to say. I'm spending time with my dad, Spirit's at work. I called off work for some OT I was supposed to pick up tomorrow. I don't really know what else to say. I want to write, but I just... can't. I want to work on that whole list of things I'd like to get done, but it's hard to get my head in the game. I don't really know what else to say. She lived with us for years before my parents divorced. Then she moved to the east coast and she and I weren't really close in the past fifteen years. Still, she was always so civil on the phone with me. Even warm, even if a bit prickly about the past. She always seemed like she was going to outlive all of us though. I had the chance to fly out with my ma during my aunt's unveiling thing (one year after a funeral, it's tradition to gather back around to, essentially, put mourning to closure). I was focused on work though, and money was tight. I always figured I'd see her at some point in the future. I was going to invite her to our wedding. She was going to do the alterations on my wedding dress, and I was going to insist that that was plenty enough of a wedding gift, even though she pfft at the idea and insisted she was going to insist on getting us something else, probably make us a blanket or something. My ma had just spoke with her yesterday, and left a message on her machine last night to call her later. I got the news through a voicemail from my dad. I had to get over to their apartment; I could hear my ma in those deep gasping sobs... they had always been so close, so very close. Even as the rest of her family alienated her, they were still so close. Her brother... it's been a long time since I last wanted to kill someone to this degree. Not only was getting information from him like pulling teeth (he lives in the same state, nearby), but he refused to let my ma stay with him, and as if all that wasn't enough? He doesn't want the funeral held til the end of the week.

Doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but my grandmother was Jewish, thanks to my grandfather. In the branch of Judaism she held to, burials are performed within 48 hours, tops. My aunt, however, is Catholic, and from what I could gather, he converted. I have no clue what their beliefs are and don't really care enough to look them up, but he wants the funeral at the end of the week. Icing on the cake is that no one told her this until after Spirit and I bought the tickets, for her to come home Wed night. Non-refundable. What's worse? He brought up that the family still can't stand her after what she's been doing to them the past two years. She has no idea what he's talking about, and he said he doesn't want to talk about it now. Her only lifeline has been her cousins. I just... I can't wrap my mind around this. Her mother DIED, and he's pulling this shit. I just... I can't. There are certain events when grudges should be let go long enough for that event. Even WWII was put on hold for Christmas. What's worse, my ma's health is, well, crap. Most of the time we were here, she was only able to talk in short breaths. When her brother pulled that crap, she was rocking in her seat. This is just... I really wanted to grab the phone and give him a piece of my mind. Thankfully, my ma turned off the phone and threw it before I could get my hands on it. At least she realized she didn't have to sit there and listen to him go off on her.

I hate this. I hate the way they're treating her. I hate the disrespect being shown. I hate that I always thought I could visit my grandmother another day. I just... I hate this. I don't know what else to say.

I'm guessing it's official then. Over ten years are being blown into the wind. Yet like pollen, dust, or sand, remnants of it will cling to my hand. I suppose I should thank you, in an odd and twisted way. You've shown me how far I've come from the angry victim of yesterday. Gone is the unbearable weight of hatred and pain; I'd rather walk into the sunlight then lay crying in the rain. Gone is the acceptance of harming one to help another. We truly have grown miles apart from each other. Familiarity breeds comfort, but I can't stay where you are. The road to get to where I want to be is still so far. Yet seeing how far I've come makes it so much easier to persevere. So goodbye my old friend, I hope someday you, too, will find your way out of here.

May everything you do, to friend and foe either way, come back to you times ten, until your final day.



Okay mind, I see how you work. I want poetic, you give a straight message. I want a straight message, you communicate in prose. Well screw you too Xp

How can you know someone for over ten years, and still not feel like you know them? How can they still pull things on you that seem like it should be from a complete stranger? Is it that I was blind to it? Is it that they were able to hide it from me? Is it that they've changed? Have I changed that much?

I don't know. I don't know. I still feel that bite of betrayal. That pain their presence left behind. I know they still want us to be friends but... I never saw that part of you before. That part willing to hurt someone else- call it what you like, you still HURT someone, to help another person build confidence... by being okay with them antagonizing someone else. By letting the supposed bullied turn into the bully.

In so many ways this seems even worse than what I originally thought your reasons were. I feel like I had already come so far in my own skeletons, striving to be a better person. I may deny a fault when it first comes up, but I try to be more aware of it in the future, and even 'fess up to it to the people I trust. I'm trying so hard to be a better person, a better woman, a better lover, to one day be someone worthy of being a good mother. But listening to this... I can't. I can't put up with it anymore.

Maybe I'm the last person to talk. To judge. I've done so much I'm not proud of. A few I'm still trying to atone for. But I'm trying, I really am. You're still defending actions that are essentially wrong, HURTING one person to help another. I can't be a part of that, and if that's the kind of person you really are, after all these years, I just... you said one of your biggest fears was losing me as a friend, and yet you're the one pushing me away with such things.

I'm sorry. I just... I can't.



This was meant to be a vague poetic sort of release. Didn't mean for it to turn into a direct letter like this *sighs* Will probably delete later. And avoid FA for awhile more after today until things settle a bit better.

Anyone who catches the reference of the titles gets a hundred interweb cookies >.>

Aaaaanywho. Yeah, I've been all quiet on all fronts. Check my accounts every so often, changed a couple of things here and there I doubt very many noticed. For the most part though, I didn't exactly go through this whole grand return kicking arse and taking names and throwing free candy all over the place. So it's time for a big updated and a bit of honest open insight here.

After my laptop went cahpootz, I still made an effort to get online, both with my phone and when I visited my parents. By the way, Spirit ran a diagnostic and found that the battery is completely shot. I'm pretty much saying screw it and either will be getting a new desktop or might just wait for Black Friday this year. Yeah, a long ways for a net-addict like myself to wait, but more on that later.

Then there was the trip back east, which was a complete whirlwind x.x We didn't even get to do half the things we wanted, or visit all the people we hoped to. The trip across country was amazing, but holy crap was it zapping! And I think we about doubled our stash of inside jokes >.> (I have two words for you Spirit... Freakin' Montana >.< XD). Side-note: synthariadesire and neotechragu are awesome people irl! Spirit and I both really really want to hit AC that much more after visiting with them :3

So yeah, settling back in. Spirit had no problems getting his job back from the old company (no surprise there), but they stuck him on a schedule that means zero days off together >.< It sucks balls, so to be quite honest he and I spend every bit of time together that we can get. I even come downtown on my days off so we can spend dinner together.

We also are picking up overtime on our days off whenever we can (I worked 57 hours last week, weeeee). It's easier for me to since I have the three most requested days off already off (yay working ten hour days!!!), so if the company had its way I'd be working seven days a week xp Good news is it's allowing us to catch up on bills and to start saving up again. The not so good not so bad news is it means less free time. To be honest, I prefer working when he's not around. It's not that I don't have friends irl, but their schedules are different enough from mine and they live far enough away and we're all trying to catch our breath financially that it's not like we can hang out every week.

And it feels good to be a bread-winner, so to speak. By paying the bulk of the bills and rent while Spirit was gone, it gave us the chance to take the trip we did, to see so much beauty in this country. Thanks to timing and pacing, it allowed us to catch up financially so we don't have to stress out as much about rent and bills as Spirit was starting to do before he realized we were getting paid three times this month XD It's a good feeling. A great feeling. And is a wonderful motivation for me to work that much harder, to take more hours, to find a career that I can enjoy that pays well enough to make us that much more comfortable. And to spend less money on art. Because as great as it feels to help out friends and get great pictures in return- and at the absolute risk of sounding atrociously selfish, trust me I know- I prefer spending it on doing things with Spirit. I prefer seeing that relief in his eyes when he realizes we have $1500 more this month than he was originally budgeting out for. To hear him speak with ease when we talk about bills we need to pay off rather than stress, to watch him get excited and hopeful when we talk about saving up for the down payment of a house and a modest wedding. To see him dare to dream again without needing the word 'lottery' involved.

Truth be told, I haven't been online much because I'm becoming more engaged in the real world. Yeah, I still watch Scrubz on Netflix and I still prefer loafing around the house over chores and I still read cracked.com articles at work between roves. But I've found less and less love for being online in general. I've admitted more than once that the internet is an addiction of mine. Once I get online, I get so engaged that it's hard to pry myself off. It's even gotten to the point that more than half the time it's become an obligation than something I do for fun. I don't like that feeling. When Spirit got that way with WoW, I asked him why he was dragging himself through the hot coals when he wasn't even enjoying something that was supposed to be fun. It wasn't helping him, he wasn't learning anything at all, and he would even groan every week when he was supposed to play with his guild. So he let the subscription run out and hasn't gone back since.

So why am I still doing this to myself? A few times since we came back, I've had the chance to go on Spirit's laptop. He even encouraged it just to give me something to do. But I would look at the lappy, and feel that same familiar feeling of near-dread, and find something else to do. There's no point in dragging myself through the coals. I'd rather do something fun, or even productive, than feel that twist in the pit of my stomach.

Of course this doesn't mean I'm leaving FA. It certainly doesn't mean I'm shrugging off anything I still owe on here, and I know there's quite a bit >.< As I mentioned at the start, I still hop on and change a few things here and there and ~try~ to stay up with notes. But all the drama, all the Obligations, all the times I want to help artists until my wallet begins to bleed... I can't bring myself to go back to all that. I'd rather keep picking up extra hours. I'd rather spend my free time with the one I love, with my MATE, every chance I get. I'd rather continue the hunt for the path that will lead me to a career that will make me feel satisfied both in what I do and how much I make - I know it's out there somewhere! I'd rather... live. So FA's taken a backseat in my life, dropped lower on my list of priorities.

If there is anyone at all who would like to keep better conversation with me outside of FA, just drop me a note. I'm not the best at keeping up communications- any number of my friends can vouch for that- but I will give you other ways of contacting me outside of FA to make it easier. Just understand one thing about me: I go through periods of hermit-tude. I've been trying to understand it within myself for years now, but pretty much it's just times when I don't really want to talk to anyone via electronics. It doesn't mean I hate anyone. I just... I don't know. Sometimes it only lasts a few days. Sometimes it'll go on for months. I won't bite your head off if you try to continually contact me during this period (thank you leetmonkey33 XD). Sometimes it even helps to break me out of it. Just please know, it's nothing personal.

So, that's about it. Oh, and one other thing for those who don't follow my nitescratches account:

I'm getting published.

I received the email just last night. Tech Flesh, the extended version, is going to be published in this year's anthology from RainFurrest. I still need to go back and clean up some inconsistencies I noticed after I sent it out, and decide between two different versions of one section, and then have a couple of beta readers run through it to make sure with a fresh set of eyes that it should be acceptable. But yeah, it's in! My first piece of writing to be published that isn't just some vague poem XD I'm super excited, and will probably ramble about it in my scratches account XD

Also, on my main account I'm going to be poking at folks about the top five-ten rumors they would like to see dispelled about furs. More info on that there though.

Love and fluff folks.

Tl;dr
Spending more time in the real world and less time on FA.
Getting story published for first time ever.
Things on other accounts xp

So Spirit and I got home safely a couple of days ago and I was back to work yesterday. Taking some time to get back into some semblence of a routine. Going to try to toss up updates on all my accounts Friday afternoon if I can get through the 1500 submissions and over 600 journals that are waiting for me on one account alone x.x

I'll be honest though, going over a week without fa was nice. Don't get me wrong, I missed my friends, but it was less stressful. Peaceful. I don't think I could ever give up fa for good, but I might be on it a lot less these days. I dunno, we'll see what the new schedule holds.

Love and hugs fluffernutters.

First off, thanks so much for the Watches and Faves! I really appreciate them <3

Secondly, I feel I should warn you of the purpose for this account.

This is my personal account, where there will be a lot of personal updates, memes, rambles, rants, raves, and all around stuff most people don't care about. As you've seen, art does exist here, of my Munchkin character and my mate's red wolf character. However, the current influx of art right now is mainly because I'm moving it from my main art account. I can promise you that once this is complete (I think there are about... six pieces left? Give or take) there will be about ten journals for every piece of art posted.

If you like the artwork, I suggest you watch  nitetigrezz instead. You won't find much of the Munchkin there anymore, but you will find oodles of other characters, especially if you venture into the Scraps.

Continue to Watch at your own risk. You have been warned -cue eery music-

Because of THIS I'm moving all my Munchkin artwork from my main account to here. Might seem like a drop in the bucket to keep it from happening again, but this account has about a thirtieth of the watchers my main account does, so I'm hoping that'll at least cut down the risk a bit.

Either way, I figured it might be fun to see how my Munchkin has evolved over the past three years. Despite how much time that sounds, it was actually about two years between her first picture and her second picture o.o it took me that long to decide on coloring that I could be happy with.

So enjoy the show! X3