Holy sh- where do I begin?

Before I start, I'm coming out with everything. I'm not hiding anything at all. It's necessary to everyone I've owed. And I want to try and make up for being absent so F

---

long without word or progress. I absolutely hate being in debt and I really want to clear my name.

I'm going to start off and apologize to those I haven't yet completed commissions. It's okay if you all hate me, I understand. It seems like I basically took your money and ran- which, yeah, I did. There's no excuses, it's literally what I did. I did intend on finishing everything and keeping my word. But I could barely even keep up with my life.

I really should not have done the YCH actions. Truth is, I didn't want to.
Why did I do it? Well, at the time I had lost my job. I was living with my ex (we were together at the time) and her mom. That was a complete clusterfuck. The relationship was absurd and her mom was- I don't even have words for.
Basically, we were struggling to get by. My ex told me I should turn to this website since she introduced me to furries, and that I could easilly get somewhere with my art. Well, no shit, I was basically forced into doing art, so because of it, I had no motivation. I wanted to just keep doing addoptables since, well, they are already there and people can just adopt them. Then it came time for the YCH. NSFW really grabs attention here, and she knew that. It took me a bit to finally come to terms with it, but I decided, ill do it.

Shit started really going down. Her mom had ended up taking all the money we gave her and used it on drugs instead. I had to hide in the closet with my bunny every time her grandmother came over because shes another level of batshit insane to make life easier for everyone, had to be told I moved out. Not to mention the mom blamed me for losing the appartment because I lost my job and became severely depressed and had no motivation for anything. I was also forced into seeing a therapist by everyone because I'm "fucked up" whick ironically ended up being the same therapist to further my transition.

Not long after these YCH things, I had got a job and a local gas station/convenience store. But it was too late. Literally just a week later I had to move back into my mothers house. And holy shit. Revolting. I hated living with her. She has 8 dogs who all loved IN THE DAMN KITCHEN. Nobody cleans and its a fucking hoarder house- shit I'm getting off track.
Anyways, We move back to our parents (my mom doesnt have internet so i literally disappeared other than Facebook sometimes) and stuff and fu- my ex also started up commissions. Cosplay commissions. Because why? To make money to go to cons(instead of actually fucking getting somewhere with her life). Well, I as her significant other agreed to help her. I ended up doing a good bit of the work half the time. Some days I would work, go over her house to help, be lucky if i sleep 3 hours or at all, and go straight back to work. Litterally I felt like I had no time to breathe.

My life consisted on only coming home to sleep and living life elsewhere and working what felt like constantly.
Then there was this other commission. THIS one is why I can't access my Paypal. It was a $3,200 suit of armor commission she took it on telling the commissionee she has experience and knows what she's doing. She really didn't at all. Ordered the wrong foam, and told me I took it on and agreed to help so I need to work on it. (It was easy to convince mo of things because this was over the course of a year, I had barely any memory of everything and had so much going on). We eve measured the guy in person 6 months before the deadline. She had lost the measurements. It then came to almost a month beforehand and I had to ask the person myself to remeasure. Of course he was pissed. And because my ex and her best friend were acting like all i do is sleep and slandering my name behind my back- he was pissed at me. Anyway, commission didn't get finished. The guy wanted a refund. Through this whole thing, the responsibility got shifted ore and more onto me. So, by the end, I didn't finish, It was my fault, and I had to pay back. Mind you, I did not get paid at all for this. I ended up paying back $1,500 on my own in payments. I had grown tired of paying, and finally had gotten my ex to send a $500 payment. But what she did was she sent it to my paypal, for ME to send to him. I was finally breaking with this relationship and was getting sick and tired of all this money hungry bullshit and I was oh so fucking tired of her plucking friends away from me and calling me abusive. I had met someone who actually made me happy (my last ex). He made me smile again and feel like I can breath. I realized how fucked up my relationship was with her because of him. I knew the whole time, but it was a snap of reality. I really didnt know how to end my realtionship with her, but the same day i figured out she was reading my messages because she had my facebook password, was the same day I told her I couldn't do this anymore. I was accused of cheating because I has expressed how I felt to the guy. Which I guess is emotionally cheating, but whatever. Anyways, that 500 she had given me to pay back for the commission, she took back because "I wasn't going to give you money to just cheat on me and run off." I didn't find out she took the money back until it was way too late. So I was furious. My relationship had ended with the guy, and I grew more and more tired of bullshit around me. I became more furious that she was able to go to a big con while I stayed home because of all this.

I moved into my current apartment right around January. I had became more conscious of all my debt. That commission (which I need to take her to court for because it was still all my fault apparently although she got and spent all the money), these YCH things, a $600 electric bill from when we first moved in together and her mom had forced it to be in my name, and a $150 hospital bill from when I thought my lungs had collapsed from binding too much.

Now here I am. I live with one roomate. My current boyfriend ( not the ex from above) Is going to be moving in in a few months so bills / rent would be split 3 ways instead of two. I just decided I don't want my mother in my life really after I had gotten into it with her. (She was the main cause behind so many of my suicidal attempts in the past. So unnaccepting.) I plan on going back to my therapist and furthering my transition. I'm determined to get a better, closer, less stressfull job. My life literally flipped from being hell all my damn life to actually being happy. I can't even register it as reality yet, it all feels like a weird dream.

So, yes, this time. For real. I'm back.
I'm stable.
I'm here.
I'm not going anywhere.

And I really want to make it up to those of you I owe. I really am sorry. I know I fucked up, so much.