And I've yet shown any improvement, let alone did anything significant.



I've just stopped drawing, doesn't even feel like people care, I shouldn't let this bother me, yet part of me does.



When I joined DA/FA, I saw a fun place where people shared their art/kink and I could happily be in some part of it. I wasn't the best, or do I think I will ever be, but, the fact there was many who shared my interests as well made me felt welcomed.



I gave gifts, attempted to draw on my own, and participated in a small contest. At the time, it felt really good. Just chatting with others despite my hermit nature or have some fun via sharing a note. despite how awkward I can be (and still am)



but now nearly a decade later. people I knew of on this site and others have either left, passed away or so on, I seem to struggle more to speak to anyone, let alone carry a conversation. Notes that fill my inbox now (or in the chat) are of scams and rampant bots with multiple accounts, the fact I somehow have people who for some reason or another just wants to keep causing trouble (it's been nearly ten years dude... let it go.)



I just... feel tired... and this time it genuinely feels different as opposed to the other times when I've felt down. thanks to stuff that still outside of my control, and though there's still people fighting in defiance in their own ways... it seems as if it's just speaking to a void.



to think, with places like DA least when starting out, I got to a point I felt comfortable to show who I be through my furry self and my OC's. never expected to be a "Celebrity" but it felt neat to be known. Yet I've haven't even managed to feel comfortable on my own journey. like in some aspect I've failed



I don't want to give up, I don't want to end things. I don't want to stop..



but what can I do when I feel am absolutely lying to myself when I say that it'll be fine?