My paycheck is being killed by garnishments, and I do not have enough to get out of the hole, or even keep my power and water on at this time. This is not a situation that is easily fix either. I want to file for Bankruptcy, but it looks like even that is out of my reach right now.

This divorce has done more than just destroy my trust and feelings in any relationship, Which I can guarantee is what is destroying my motivation to write anything. It has destroyed my life in general. At this time I really see no light at the end of the tunnel, only infinite darkness. I make a lot of money, and I have eliminated a lot of my expenses. What is left is things that I can not do without, or things that I can not get out of paying easily.

My current bills:
Rent: $1070/month
Water: $150/month down from $250
Power: $150/month down from $250
Internet/TV: $50/month down from $250
Cellphone: $160/month down from $260
Car: $417/month
Insurance: $87/month down from $200

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Total: $2084/month

My next step is to eliminate the car, but letting it be repoed, but this will still not fix the situation I am in. I have essentially lost hope, job and motivation.The only reason I bother getting out of bed and going to work is that I have nothing else to do, and my mind, and upbringing demand that i do something.
My local friends, and those on the internet have been a godsend over the past year while I was going through the divorce, they have bailed me out so many times, and kept me around. Even this past weekend a group of them, not all together, or even coordinated, paid for me and my daughters to go to Arizona Fur Con, which my girls loved. They also took me out last night to have fun. But I am about to be very honest here… It’s all a lie. I am barely holding on. I am fighting those dark urges on a daily basis. I put on a smile for my girls when and my friends when they are looking. Yet I am terrified of myself when I am alone. I cry myself to sleep, and see no real point in continuing to fight when everyday something new comes up. The hole is only getting deeper, and the light has all but faded. I am getting ready to sit in my dark house, without water, power, or means of communication. I am getting ready to sell of the last of my possessions, which consist of a custom computer, PS2, PS3, PS4, xbox 360, WiiU, three YVs, and three smartphones, at which point I will be completely cut off from the outside world.

I am tired of borrowing and begging for money that it looks like I will never be able to pay back. I owe some of my best friends more money that many people can imagine lending to someone. Yet here I am , no better off, even worse off, than when I first borrowed it.

I am done, I am truly done. I really have nothing left in me. I am not going to ask, I am not going to reply, I am not going to even try anymore. I’ve already lost the battle. I am $91422 credit debt, thanks to poor money management over my marriage, and my inability to say “NO” to the woman that I loved, and thought loved me. On top of that, I am about to lose the last few thing I need to take care of my girls. As my budget sits right now, I only have $200 left over each month if I work all 40 hour weeks. And that will never be able to pay what I owe, or get me out of this hole.

Power $375.46 -> $177.30 by 10/27 or cutoff
Water $594.31 -> (update coming)
Late Fees $240 -> due immediately.
Cellphone 407.39 -> $112 due immediately
Car: $407.34 -> due immediately.
Bankruptcy: $1330
Alimony/Child Support: $658

Friends and family: $3000+

I have made a gofundme to get me out of this hole and start my Bankruptcy. https://www.gofundme.com/kelloggbankruptcy

I don’t expect anyone to help me at this point, and mentally/emotionally, I can’t offer you anything in return. I don’t want your pity, and I have had more than enough “I’m so sorry, I wish I could help.” I am emotionally and mentally spent after almost two years of being strong.

I am not going to reply to PM, or comments. I am turning off my messengers like skype. I am just going to fade away from a while, I don’t know how long. At this point, I don’t know if I will even come back.