i've been thinking a lot about what to say about this past year. so much has changed for the better in my life

after being mostly alone for a few years, i realised that building and maintaining friendships with others is one of the single most important things that i need to do to build a life worth living. i tried again and again to make friends online outside of the furry fandom and failed each time. facing my worst fear, of being rejected as a friend, just to consistently flub it in some fashion was gutwrenching.

coming back to the furry fandom has, so far, been one of the best decisions i have ever made. i didn't have a very good run in the fandom to start with, and coming back almost felt like failing in some way. i was so scared that people wouldn't like me. i had built it up in my head while i was gone, that people would see me and think something negative about me. i just wanted to be liked and to feel accepted.

but to my surprise, this time, when i didn't try super hard to make people like me, when i just showed up as myself (which i used to find so terribly scary and shameful) i was welcomed with open arms.

a month or so ago, i tried to make a list of all of the friends i have made over the last year, all the new people i've met, so i could draw art for them or make them kandi just to acknowledge them in some way. but the list just went on and on and on.

i'm not sure i have the skills at this point to put into words how touched i am to have become a part of your lives, no matter how big or small it is. i genuinely feel that i have reached a point where i feel fulfilled, happy, and excited for the future with the amount of friends i have. all i need now, is the confidence to message people more 1-on-1 (another one of my big scary fears) and the motivation to post more and be more active online in a social way (comes and goes dependent upon the adhd symptoms :p) thank you all, for being my friends :3

i hope you and your friends and family enjoy your new years celebration, no matter how you choose to celebrate it (last year i stayed home and ate an entire cheese platter to myself it was great)

and most importantly, i hope you know that even if it doesn't seem like it, things will get better. there is always something to celebrate, no matter how small.

Happy New Year!! PLUR

photo by useralthepony !!